452 lines
19 KiB
Plaintext
452 lines
19 KiB
Plaintext
#############################################################################
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# Mercinary Today 3 #
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# by Armagedeon #
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#############################################################################
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Disclaimer
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~~~~~~~~~~~
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As usual I take absolutely no responsibility for anything that you do with this
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text. If you decide to print this out and beat the shit out of someone with
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it YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE NOT ME!!! Let it also be known that if you escape from
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jail and are caught don't blame me because the methods are for the most part
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fool proof so if you get caught chances are YOU FUCKED UP NOT ME. Remember
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you're the person who got convicted in the first place. I was too smart for
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them. well enough with that shit!!!
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In this issue:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Getting out of jail (the illegal way)
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How to create hell for the bomb desposal guys (thus eliminating finger prints)
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How to kill (MANY WAYS)
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How to make or hide weapons.
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How to get high off Gatorade (not a mercinary topic but I thought it was cool)
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Credits
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(this list isn't in any order)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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How to kill with minimal weapons
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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1)Throw the person down and kick them in the temple.
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2)Crush their skull (kick them in the head when they are beside a wall)
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3)Break their wrist and tear the veins as they pop out (they will believe me)
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4)Smash the 4th vertibra (the one that sticks out at the back of the neck)
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5)Punch where the spine meets the skull. (its in the back of their head)
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6)Give them CPR (surprisingly if you do it hard enough their heart will stop)
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7)Take a good shot at the windpipe if you hit it he'll die in 30 seconds or
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less.
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8)Punch very hard where the two groups of ribs meet (in front). Death is
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immediate depending on how hard you hit.
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9)Turn their head around so they'll be able to see you while the body is
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facing forward.
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10)Break their nose with a blow that forces the nose sideways then with
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another shot force it up into the brain. (other files say to do this with
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one shot but most people don't have the strength or dextarity to do that.
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11)Grab their shirt collar with your weak hand and pound the shit out of them
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with the other hand. (if done enough death will result)
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12)Dislocate their arm then as it hangs wrap it around their neck. (thus
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choking them)
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13)Throw them down then kick them until they stop breathing.
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14)Break the collar bone then hit them in the shoulder this will cut off the
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windpipe and juggular.
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15)Box their ears (VERY HARD)
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16)Run them over.
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17)Slam their face into a brick wall MANY times.
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18)Knock them unconceise then stomp on their head while wearing heavy boots.
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19)Slam them with an combination lock.
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20)Use a lead pipe (need I say more)
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Well that's it for now. (gotta save some for the next issue)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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################################
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# The Art of Conceiled Weapons #
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################################
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Sawed off Shot gun
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Take a shot gun saw off the stock and some of the pipe if you want a
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better spread. (Hard isn't it)
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The Sawed off PELLET GUN
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Don't laugh, this actually works. What you do is saw off a pellet gun like
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you would a shotgun. While this does increase power it also decreases accuracy.
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(so in english, you can't hit a white whale on a black background). This is
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best if you have many people do this then you have something deadly.
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The Bloody Punch
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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I have a set of these myself. All you gotta do is just take a piece of
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wood that you can fit into your hand and punch with. Then take some files and
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sandpaper (so you don't get splinters) sand in some grooves for your fingers.
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Put nails through the wood so they will stick out between your fingers. Wrap
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this in tape if you want (just in case the wood split like on mine). Now
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punch someone you really hate. Note the title of this article fitting isn't
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it?
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Batman Sharp Thingy
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Ever watch batman? You know the thing that he throws and it sticks into
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things. That's what this is. You need some thing for this one.
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You need:Fairly small piece of sheet metal (depends on how big ya want it)
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~~~~~~~~~Bench grinder (this is manditory unless you want to do the grinding by hand)
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Tin Snips (saves time you might be able to do without them)
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Some spare time and a little imagination
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Take the piece of sheet metal and cut it into a shape that will work good
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I have a standard diagram I'll give at the end. Now sharpen it with the bench
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grinder.
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Diagram
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\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\ |
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\ |
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\ |
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\ |
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Pretty impressive eh?
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All you do is throw it so it spins sharp edge first. Note: these are illegal.
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Police Baton
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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To make this all ya do is get two pieces of wood drill one out for the hand
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grip then stick them on a lathe. Then fit them together and presto. You got a
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Cop beater!!!! Nice isn't it?
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The Old Ball and Chain
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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This weapon is simple to make and easy to conceil. All you do is get a
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length of chain put a hole in a blunt metal object so the chain will fit
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through. String it up and presto. Swing it around, blundgeon your enemies,
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impress your friends. (if you like making weapons try taking metal shop,
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usually the teacher either doesn't care or is too stupid to stop you!)
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Bundle o' Nails
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Take common nails (the perfectly straight ones) and tie them together. This
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may seem lame but imagine getting hit with the pointy end.
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Wood knuckles
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Take a piece of wood drill holes to put your fingers in then punch
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something hard if it hurts then sand them (the holes) closer until it fits
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good, then get into a fight.
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Deadly Pen
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~~~~~~~~~~
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Get the nicotine recipe from last issue of mercinary today. Pull the
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writing part (metal thing) of the ink cartridge, coat a needle with the
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nicotine. Put the needle in the cartridge of a clicker pen and when you wish
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to use this click the pen then stab them in an area where it will get into
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the blood quick.
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##################################################
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# The Art of Escaping From Jail #
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##################################################
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Always have a Plan
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Prison guards tend to be gun toting trigger happy big Motherfuckers. And if
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you attempt to escape and they see you they'd rather kill you then waste time
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hunting you. (no one misses a jail bird)
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Kiss Ass
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~~~~~~~~
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If you do this a lot you can get many privlages and have access to stuff you
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need. (like pieces of metal to cut stuff with)
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Be resourcful
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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If your not the resourcful type then escape with someone who is because this
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is essential to the whole escape plan, if something goes wrong you MUST have
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an escape plan.
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READ
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~~~~
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The prison system is no "Club Med" but they do alloy you to read. Get books
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on chemistry, Metalurgy, Locksmithing, etc.. It doesn't hurt to ask if you
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can have these books. The most they can do is turn you down. Ask for mags on
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almost anything because there is bound to be an article somewhere that can
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give you some ideas.
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Use your Imagination
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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The sky's the limit. I can tell you how to make a drill out of a spoon, but
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with no imagination you won't know how to use it. Envision stuff. If you have
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a piece of metal you have a start, but what will you do with it?
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(this might be an on going article so I think I'll stop now, my brain hurts)
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##########################################
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# Evading Bomb Squad Tactics #
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##########################################
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This article will deal with the modern methods used by police and
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military bomb squad teams and how to overcome them. Most police forces have a
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bomb squad or IED(Improvised Explosive Device)unit, but some rely on the army
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EOD (Explosive Ordnance Disposal) unit. This is done, because small local
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police forces rarely have a need for a bomb squad or the funding to outrig
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one with the necessary equipment. Well enough of the background on with the
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article, in which I will outlay equipment and how to evade it.
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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-Police Protection-
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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As of the writing of this article the most widely used form of
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protection is the Canadian Safeco body suits. These suits are made of kevlar
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and ballistic material and basically protect the pig from shrapnel and shock
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wave. However there are many design flaws in the suit, which I will outline.
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(1) The officers hands must be exposed, because gloves would be too bulky to
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maneuver, and hinder his sense of touch.
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(2) The other design flaw is the suit weighs a little over 50 pounds, and
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there is the constant problem of heat stroke etc...; Since the suit is
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very hot.
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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-Overcoming This Problem-
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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The solution here is quite simple, and the best option is to leave
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the best option is to either...
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(A) Put the bomb out in the direct sunlight if you live in a hot climate.
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(A hot climate is temperatures in the 98-108 range.)
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(B) Place the explosive device in a boiler room.
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(C) Place it under a primary heating duct.
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(D) Use your imagination your intelligent.
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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-Disarming Robots!-
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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The police force recently has been employing robots in disarming
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procedures. The most popular one is the Pedsco RMI a canadian robot that runs
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on six pneumatic tires; It also has a camera and a claw all of which are
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controlled remotely. These robots however are pretty much strictly limited to
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large police forces, because of their cost. The design flaws in this are
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obvious...
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(1) It is like the game where you get the prize with the claw. Or in
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other words it is difficult to operate, and is mainly used for moving
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the explosive device into a bomb transporter.
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(2) It only has one camera and one has to become extremely accustomed to
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the new depth perception via the camera.
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(3) They are almost never used in disarming procedures since they are too
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jerky. They are used to move the explosive to a bomb transporter.
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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-Overcoming This Problem-
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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There are many different solutions, which can be applied here. I will
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outline a few of the more interesting ones that won't readily come to mind.
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(A) This is my personnel favorite employ multiple explosives, and
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surround your bomb with minurature landmines, which will destroy the
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disarming robot.
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(B) Another is to employ a secondary detonator into your device which
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is shock or sudden movement sensitive, so that if the operator of the
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claws drops the explosive or jolts it, it will detonate.
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(C) Another is to attach multiple detonators to the sides of the explosive
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so that when the claws close in on the device it will detonate.
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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-Portable X-rays-
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Police have more often used portable x-ray units. These units are
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called inspectors, and manufactured by golden. They run on their own
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batteries and use polaroid x-ray film. These are most effective usually
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since a relatively accurate x-ray can be procured in less than 20 seconds.
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The obvious design flaws in the are as follows:
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(1) Certain materials are not susceptible to x-ray such as lead.
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(2) It takes a well trained person to interpret an x-ray correctly.
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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-Overcoming This Problem-
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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The ways of overcoming this are obvious, but I will outlay them here
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for those of you whose minds are slow.
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(A) Encasing the explosive device in lead or some other material which
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will successfully evade the x-ray.
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(B) Adding shit or miscellaneous metals inside the bomb to confuse the
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person interpreting the x-ray.
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-=-==-=-=-
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-Dearmers-
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-=-==-=-=-
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What the fuck is a dearmer you ask? Well a dearmer is usually employed
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by the bomb squad when it is apparent that device can be made docile by
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destroying it's wiring.A dearmer is an electronically fired gun that shoots a
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variety of projectiles at a high velocity into the explosive. The purpose of
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this is to destroy the wiring rendering the explosive useless. They look like
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miniature pipes, and can be fired remotely.There are a few design flaws here,
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but less than before that can be manipulated to our advantage.
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(1) They can't cut through steel.
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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-Overcoming This Problem-
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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(A) The solution here is to encase the wiring in some way to prevent
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cutting.
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(B) Another method for those of you who dare is to coat the wiring of the
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device with a compound that will detonate from shock, and
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will in turn detonate the explosive.
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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-Bomb Transport Vehicles-
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Yes, those oddly shaped vehicles that they carry away our explosives in.
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Well this took quite a bit of research to find out all of the types, but here
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it goes. The first type is the spherical transporter, round in shape it is
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used when even a directed blast could cause injury, death, or destruction
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i.e. in such areas as where there are tall buildings and a large populous.
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The other type is either of one cylinder or multiple concentric cylinders
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with spaces between them. The general purpose of these is to direct the blast
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upward, so as not to cause injury or destruction. The explosive is
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suspended in a net in the center of the cylinder. Most of the times these
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are used to take the device to a safe area for detonation, but are designed
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just in case the bomb goes KABOOM. Here there really aren't design flaws, but
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there are ways to overcome his problem.
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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-Overcoming This Problem-
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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(A) First make your bombs (Unless the occasion calls for something
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different) so that they direct the full force of the explosion in one
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direction. A strong explosive device cannot be contained if it's
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entire force is sent into one direction.
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(B) Take advantage of the open cylinder transport vehicle, and direct the
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force of the explosion downward assuring a hole in the street, and
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two maimed or mortally wounded cops.
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Well this is about all for this article, and remember this is for
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informational purposes only. I am not responsible for the end actions of the
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user just as Noble was not responsible for the death of every man, women, and
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child during WWI, WWII, Korean War, Vietnam, etc... and any other
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confrontation using T.N.T. or Trinitrotoluene.
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##########################################################
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# Getting High off Gatorade #
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##########################################################
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Ok, first run down to the Piggly Wiggly and purchase a big old 4 pint thing full of our most
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favorite beverage - Gatorade. Then refuse the desire to eat until your stomache is empty.
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Now these steps are very complex, so everybody hang on to your hats:
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1. Check the expiration date to see if it's a good week.
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2. Smell the cap (I don't know why, they do it to wine in French restaurants, so why not?)
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3. Open your mouth and let the whole gallon slide down as fast as possible.
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4. Trip out.
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Disclaimer: I am not responsible for anything that happens as a result of this. You do it at
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your own risk. I am not responsible for anything you do while under the influence, or any
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damage or illness that may insue as a direct or indirect response to the use of this
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information. I'm not holding a gun to your head and making you do anything. Ok, enough
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legal stuff, suffice it to say you can't sue me or press charges.
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Known side effects:
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1. A really cool high.
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2. Slight discomfort to the back of the throat.
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3. Some major kidney action and a stinging sensation when you go for a Number One.
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No big deal. I think personally that it's worth the slight discomfort, but you judge for your
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own self.
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Visit Dynamite BBS 256-2428 Home of Mercinary Today!!
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I'd like to Thank Locutus for the use of his Cool BBS!!
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And a special thanks goes to Robocop for his insults and for thinking I'm
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full of shit. (which inspired me to write this)
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***********************************
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* Bonus Section *
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***********************************
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This section goes out to Robocop who thinks I'm full of shit.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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How to give people diarria
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Get those eye drops called visine put 2 or 3 drops in someones drink and in
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about 15 minutes they will let out loud, wet, explosive bursts from their ass.
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What to do if a dog shits on your lawn
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Take the shit, put it in a paper bag. then put on the asshole's porch douse
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with lighter fluid then light and run. (it smells worse then shit it's burning
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shit)
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What to do if you have access to asshole's car
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Shit on seat, shit under hood, shit everywhere.
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What to do if you really have to take a shit
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Run to the nearest washroom!
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What to do if your dog has to take a shit
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bring him to your asshole neighbour's lawn and have him shit there!
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What to do if someone shits on you
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Shit in a paper bag, put a couple of m-80's in the bag light and throw at the
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person.
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What to do with shit
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Put it into a toilet and flush . (do you actually expect me to say anything
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else, that's discusting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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Thanks Robo for all your insperation!!!! I needed it!!!!!
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(c)Armagedeon All rights worth shit (well at least to Robo)
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{This file passed through [DYNOMITE BBS] (519)256-2428 h/p/a/c/v!}
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