88 lines
5.4 KiB
Plaintext
88 lines
5.4 KiB
Plaintext
þThe árotherhood of Gíds and âetardsþ
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®present¯
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"How to Get Out of the COPS Jam"
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by Deadly Amoeba
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First of all this file only applies to people under the age of 17.
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Everyone knows that it is impossible to get yourself out of a harsh
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situation when you are over the age of 17. In other words if you're 18,
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and you're caught, you are Fucked with a capital F.
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Ok when you're out at night committing a simple crime, such as
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shoplifting, you need to keep in mind that if the cops are after you
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they have radios and helpers. You may not even notice it, with all your
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adrenaline, that the cop behind you is leading you into a "Trap". Here's
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what you do.
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At first sight you are in 2 situations. The patrol car may not
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know it is you who committed the crime. So you are walking and the cop car
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roles behind you (remember the cop is looking for something unusual about
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you) he will rev his engine. In a normal situation and you are innocent the
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regular reaction would be to move away from the revving engine, because a
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innocent human has nothing else on his mind except possibly getting hit
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by some hotshot behind him revving his engine. So you make sure you use
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"Normal Reaction". After you've moved away an innocent humans "Normal
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Reaction" would be to look back and see what "all that commotion is about".
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Once you see that is a police vehicle your "Normal Reaction" would to keep
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an eye on car until it moves out of sight. Here's where it gets tricky.
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You have too keep your walking speed just the same as you were going before
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you had first sight. Cops WILL notice little things like that. The car is
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right next to you at this point and you will be looking strait toward it.
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Do not falter on your stare into the Cops eyes. The best thing to do is to
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look just above his eyes, look at his eyebrows, hair, hat, etc. If all goes
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well the cop will get a solid sense of security in you and you've gotten away
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with it. When the cops is out of sight GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE AS FAST AS
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YOU CAN!
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The second situation is when the Cop is notified that it is you
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who committed the crime. They may spot you by your clothing or your general
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looks. Keep in mind again the communication among cops. They police officer
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questioning the store owner can communicate the info on what you look like
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to the intercepting cop car. So you are walking along and the cop car roles
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in behind you. The officer has in his mind from his training that 70% of
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criminals will run at sight of his car and 89% of criminals will run when
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the cop says, "come here I wanna' talk to you for a second". Now the decision
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is ??where to run??. Here's when evolutionary science comes into play. Have
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you ever seen those nature shows where Lions start running after some animal.
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Well where do these stupid creatures naturally go? They run strait away in
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a subconsciously chosen direction. Now back to the real scene. The cop has
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already picked out that line of where you ARE going to run. In a normal
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"Stupid Criminal" case the line the cop has picked will be the correct one.
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But not you, you are much smarter, you won't run the obvious line. The
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obvious line will take you right to another police car for your arrest.
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Generally running away from the cop (like a stupid animal being chased by
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a lion) is a smart idea. Trust me when I say this, you have a better chance
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of getting away running TOWARDS the cop then away. Either run towards the
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cop or in a unique direction that you think the cop had no idea of. Picture
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the cop exiting his car...you are running away...he gets out and is already
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running after you from his sitting position. If you run in a unique
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direction the cop might have to swing himself around the car door, or the
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entire car for that matter. So the whole point in using your head when being
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chased is to increase your chances of getting away.
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There are some other points that you may need to know of while
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running. EVERY county in the United States has a K9 division. So if you are
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in a wooded area, DO NOT stop and hide. If you do, consider yourself doomed.
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In a city area, if you are a smart runner, the police WILL bring in the
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Helicopter Air Patrol. Sure you've seen the systems inside these helicopters
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on the television program "COPS", but the FCC will not let a crime stopping
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system be shown on TV before it has been in services for more then 2 years.
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The city helicopter stuff is really HIGH TECH. I think they have something
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similar to INFRA RED, but it only records movement. In a city case you
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might be forced into a housing to get away from the helicopters lights, your
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chances against a helicopter or being in a house are the SAME, something like
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a 20% chance of a getaway at this point.
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So your thinking "why run in the first place". Well I'll tell you.
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You ARE a juvenile right? Well laws pertaining to "resisting arrest" are a
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lot different if you weren't a minor. So RUN RUN RUN and RUN some more and
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see if you can't get away with it, using your mind more then your feet.
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One more thing, I heard this story of this guy who got caught
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because he was wearing those basketball sneakers that light up when they hit
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the ground...Please I ask you--DON'T BUY THE FUCKING THINGS.
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