113 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
113 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
Fake I.D.'s
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Get, a year or two older so you can buy booze, etc. You should go back as
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far as you can for the death because most states now cross index deaths to
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births so people can't do this in the future. The cutoff date in Wisconsin is
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1979, folks in this grand state gotta look in 1978 or earlier. Anything
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earier there is cool. Now, this is the hardest part if you're younger.
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Brats that young happen to be quite resilient, takin' falls out of three
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story windows and eating rat poison like its Easter candy, and not a
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scratch or dent. There ain't many that die, so ya gotta look your ass
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off. Go down to the library and look up all the death notices you can, if
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it's on microfilm so much the better. You might have to go through months of
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death notices though, but the results are well worth it. You gotta get
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someone who died locally in most instances: the death certificate is
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filed only in the county of death. Now you go down to the county
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courthouse in the county where he died and get the death certificate,
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this will cost you around $3-$5 depending on the state you're in. Look
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at this hunk of paper, it could be your way to vanish in a clould of smoke
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when the right time comes, like right after that big scam. If You're lucky,
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the slobs parents signed him up with social security when he was a snot nosed
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brat. That'll be another piece of ID you can get. If not, thats ok too.
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It'll be listed on the death certificate if he has one. If you're lucky, the
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stiff was born locally and you can get his birth certificate right away.
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STEP 2
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Now check the place of birth on the death certificate, if it's in the
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same place you standing now you're all set. If not, you can mail away for
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one from that county but its a minor pain and it might take a while to get,
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the librarian at the desk has listings of where to write for this stuff and
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exactly how much it costs. Get the Birth cirtificate, its worth the extra
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money to get it certified because thats the only way some people will accept
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it for ID. When yur getting this stuff the little forms ask for the reason
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you want it, instead of writing in "Fuck you", try putting in the word
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"Geneology". They get this all the time. If the Death certificate looks good
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for you, wait a day or so before getting the certified birth certificate in
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case they recognize someone wanting it for a dead guy.
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STEP 3
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Now your cookin! You got your start and the next part's easy. Crank
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out your old Dot matrix printer and run off some mailing labels addressed
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to you at some phony address. Take the time to check your phony address
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that there is such a place. Hotels that rent by the month or large
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apartment buildings are good, be sure to get the right zip code for the area.
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These are things that the cops might notice that will trip you up. Grab
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some old junk mail and paste your new lables on them. Now take them along
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with the birth certificate down to the library. Get a new library card.
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If they ask you if you had one before say that you really aren't sure because
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your family moved around alot when you were a kid. Most libraries will allow
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you to use letters as a form of ID when you get your card. If they want more
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give them a sob story about how you were mugged and got your wallet stolen with
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all your identification. Your card should be waiting for you in about two
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weeks. Most libraries ask for two forms of ID, one can be your trusty Birth
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Certificate, and they do allow letters addressed to you as a second form.
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STEP 4
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Now you got a start, it isn't perfect yet, so let's continue. You
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should have two forms of ID now. Throw away the old letters, or better
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yet stuff them inside the wallet you intend to use with this stuff. Go to
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the county courthouse and show them what nice ID you got and get a state
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ID card. Now you got a picture ID. This will take about two weeks and cost
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about $5, its well worth it.
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STEP 5
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If the death certificate had a social security number on it you can go out
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and buy one of those metal SS# cards that they sell. If it didn't, then you
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got all kinds of pretty ID that shows exactly who you are. If you don't yet
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have an SS#, Go down and apply for one, these are free but they could take
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five or six weeks to get, Bureaucrats you know... You can invent a SS# too
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if ya like, but the motto of 'THE WALKING GLITCH' has always been "Why not
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excellence?".
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STEP 6
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If you want to go whole hog you can now get a bank account in your new
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name. If you plan to do alot of traveling then you can put alot of
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money in the account and then say you lost the account book. After you get
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the new book you take out all the cash. They'll hit you with a slight
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charge and maybe tie-up your money some, but if you're ever broke in some
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small town that bank book will keep you from being thrown in jail as a vagrant.
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ALL DONE?
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So kiddies, you got ID for buying booze, but what else? In some towns
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(the larger the more likely) the cops if they catch you for something petty
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like shoplifting stuff under a certain dollar amount, will just give
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you a ticket, same thing for pissing in the street. Thats it! No
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fingerprints or nothing, just pay the fine (almost always over $100) or
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appear in court. Of course they run a radio check on your ID, you'll be
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clean and your alter-ego gets a blot on his record. Your free and clear.
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Thats worth the price of the trouble you've gone through right there. If
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your smart, you'll toss that ID away if this happens, or better yet, tear
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off your picture and give the ID to someone you don't like, maybe they'll
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get busted with it.
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If you're a working stiff, here's a way to stretch your dollar. Go to
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work for as long as it takes to get unemployment and then get yourself
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fired. Go to work under the other name while your getting the unemployment.
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With a couple of sets of ID, you can live like a king.
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