38 lines
2.2 KiB
Plaintext
38 lines
2.2 KiB
Plaintext
If I ruled the universe then everything would be so much better, and you
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all would be a hell of a lot happier, because it would be the law, and
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anyone who wasn't happy would have the choice of being thrown down the
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bottomless pit my engineers would have engineered or being castrated. And
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if they were female I'd make them have a sex change then give them a
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choice, damn women without their balls. Oh, did I mention that they would
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be castrated on a table with lots of pins and glass and rusty nails and
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stuff on it without any of that wimpy anaesthetic, who needs that shit?
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I'd be the only person allowed to use anaesthetic and even then it would
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only be when I'm having my teeth replaced with super titanium ones
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because all my original teeth got dead from eating too many gummy bears,
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gummy bears friggin rock.
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All women would be forced to walk around in loin cloth like material so
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that me and my friends could make it fall off really easily and quickly,
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but only me and my friends, anyone else who did it got shot, right in the
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ovaries. And if they're male well get some gay like Hitler to shove some
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up the guys arse then we'll shoot the arsehole. Then we'll shoot the
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gay who would actually go near the guy's arse in the first place. Because
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even if I offered you this job or death you should choose death, because
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at least then you'll die a man's death. Death by head butting a wall.
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I'd get some computer geeks to make me a computer that actually works,
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like properly and doesn't crash all the time, shitty windows, and I don't
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want any of that Apple shit, anyone who suggests I use an Apple gets given
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AIDS. Linux would be OK, but as a challenge I'd make them program it using
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a Windows computer. Yeah, writing a Linux program on a Windows computer,
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that's what you get for being a computer geek.
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At some point in my almighty rein of everything I'd get some person or
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other to get rid of all the gay office assistants, especially Clippy the
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paperclip, god-damn him so much. I think I'll get someone to make it so
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that every time you open up word you get to see a picture of a Clippy
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straightened out and impaled in one of the other assistants, or possibly
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all of them lined up in a nice neat row.
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By Poke
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