57 lines
4.2 KiB
Plaintext
57 lines
4.2 KiB
Plaintext
+The Odyssey of Cyrus Part One+
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By alienbellhop
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There once lived in the town of Bethesda, Maryland, a boy by the name of Cyrus. Cyrus was your average type of guy,
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not the flashiest guy out there but not the dullest guy either. He had a pretty normal life. Living in a brick box suburban home with a
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sister and two parents of middle age, he never suspected what was to come into being 14 short years into his life.
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The date is late summer 2003. Cyrus is having a cool summer, hanging out with his friends at the pool all day and staying
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up til 3 in the morning doing stuff. Cyrus completely forgets about school and everything involved with it one of his friends reminds
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him.
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“Yo Cyrus, I gotta go now,” said Bob.
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“Why?”
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“I gotta go shopping for school supplies.”
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At this point all the horrible memories of school suddenly rushed into Cyrus’s brain. He freaked out and had a massive
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heart attack.
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Three days later, Cyrus is back at home in bed. “You had a massive heart attack, honey,” says his mother. Cyrus
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suddenly remembers why and almost has another one, but instead he jumps out of bed and exclaims, “School is starts again
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tomorrow!
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I gotta do something about it!”
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“Whatever, dear,” his mother says.
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It’s the next day and Cyrus has done nothing about except draw up plans for starting a riot in during lunch. In the morning
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before homeroom he calls his friends aside and explains his plan.
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“Cyrus, you are a lunatic. But all my life I’ve waited for a visionary like you to come along and free us from these
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oppressors of our artistic intellect and talent! Let us join him, and cut down the net of powers that be that are holding us down!
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Come, Brothers, and live free!”
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Actually his friends do not say this. Cyrus only wishes he had friends that would say that sort of thing; instead the general
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consensus is, “Will we get to light things on fire?”
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However, everything pulls through during the three periods before lunch. Lunch today is the usual toxic blend of chipped
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beef, namely, beef with wood chips in it. There is a trash can at the end of the lunch line placed there by the school for kids who die
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eating the food in the line to be thrown into.
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The kids slowly file in to the lunch room, unaware of Cyrus and his friends also filing into the lunch room, because nobody
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cares. Soon they will though, but for the moment everybody is sleeping, with their heads in their bowls of soup (todays: Lard with
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Plankton).
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Cyrus and his friends quickly get their riot gear. They put on black trenchcoats with sawed off shotguns concealed inside,
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and are wearing ammunition belts. They hire barbers to come into the lunchroom, and cut them Mohawks which are then dyed black.
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They bring in a crate which they upend on the lunchroom floor. Cyrus stands on it and begins his speech to set off the riot:
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“(Fires round off in the air)Yo! Listen up! It may seem that since the school year has started theirs nothing we can do
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about the school year but that’s not true! Friends, we have here in our hands the capability to do something about this! How many
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times have you stayed up doing homework instead of partying? [A lot!] How many times have you been in detention for stapling a
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nerd to the ceiling instead of playing football?[Tons!] Do you like this?![No!] So lets go blow something up and live out our
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youth![Ya!]”
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At this point the kids have started throwing the chipped beefs at the lunch ladies. Their feeble attempts to defend
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themselves stop when Cyrus and his friends start handing out firearms and the lunch ladies look like Swiss cheese.
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The principal has noticed the riot on the security cameras and locks down the lunchroom doors. Kids pick up tables and
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batter down the doors, while the principal runs down the hall squealing like a pig into his office. The children are flowing down the
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hallways smashing windows and classroom doors and shooting the ceiling.
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Before long, some stupid kid shoots out a support pillar with a wrist rocket and part of the building collapses. This part
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of the building contains Cyrus and his friends. Will he survive? Get a long jail sentence? Receive an award from Anarchy Inc? Tune
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in next time for The Odyssey of Cyrus Part 2.
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