91 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
91 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
Hello, my name is Kevin, and I'm going to teach you how to steal beer. It's
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very simple. All you have to do is listen. I am a blackbelt in Ninpo (the
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higher order of Ninjitsu) and I have learned many things that I will simplify
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for you. OK, let's take an example ... you want to steal some beer? No
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problem ... how do you accomplish this? Easy. First you have to plan....
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always know the layout of the store... a lot of convenient stores have their
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beer in plain sight from the cashier counter ... these are not a good place
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to steal beer from, unless there is a distraction ... in Ninjitsu it is
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taught that a target can only focus on 3 things at once ... in the case of
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the cashier ... the money, the person and the item. so whenever possible ...
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take the beer when there is someone at the counter ... and the more people
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the more the cashier's brain has to subconsciously distinguish between those
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persons actions, but beware ... a lot of customers might be on the lookout
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for shoplifters. OK, you have found a store that has the beer row hidden
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somewhat by another row of snacks or what have you ... the next step is to
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put that item in your concealed possession without anyone else noticing. It's
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easy. Wear the right suit ... it's hard to conceal big items when you wear
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shorts, a wifebeater and sandals. That's why it is so much easier to steal in
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the winter. You wear a coat and pants. Dress up when you steal. Try to wear a
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thick shirt or sweater when it doesn't look conspicuous.
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Now you have to conceal the item in your person without being spotted
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... another easy one. Beer is setup in an unusual manner, they tilt forward
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at a 22 degree angle, so that the beer will make noise when it is being taken
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from the slot.
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No doubt to alert the cashier of a possible shoplifter. Here is where timing
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comes into play. You need a time frame of about 7 seconds. That's it! With 7
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seconds you can retrieve the bottle without it clanking. Here's how. First I
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should note that is better to open a shelf beside the beer ... like a door
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that has 12 ounce plastic bottle cokes, because in all stores the cashier can
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see what door is being opened, and they are probably conditioned to what
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position the beer door is in their view of sight. 80% of the time I grab the
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beer through a door that does not have beer ... this makes it more difficult
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to keep the clanking down, but I believe it looks less suspicious. And also,
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the best beer to steal is 40 or 22 ounces, they are easily concealed. Do
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yourself a favor and don't try to steal 12 packs... 90% of the time it won't
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work.
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Here is how to grab the beer ... the human hand is very jittery when
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in an anxious state of mind, not good for grabbing loud bottles. What you do
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is an old Japanese Ninjitsu exercise before you enter the store, it will calm
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you down, and you won't look suspicious either. Here's what you do - take a
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deep breath slowly, fill your lungs all the way up ... hold it for 3 seconds,
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then exhale slowly and totally ... push all your air out, and hold it for 3
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seconds, then inhale normally. I could go on for about 3 paragraphs about why
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this works, but I will spare you the time. This is a good way of clearing the
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mind, and I guarantee it will make you unnoticable.
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Here is how to stop the bottles from clanking - the bottles are on a
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22 degree tilt, so when they are handled, there will be clanking noises,
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which alert the cashier. Another easy problem. You must have delicate
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hands... what you do is grab the beer above the beer that you are going to
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steal, and hold it in place, when you are doing this - focus on the word
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'Soften' just trust me on that. You have to seperate the bottle behind the
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beer you are going to steal away from the bottle you are going to steal, so
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it dosn't clank when you take it, by about 4 millimeters. That gives you
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enough space to pull it away from the other bottle without it touching. Now,
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once you have that bottle completly away from the bottle you were holding in
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the shelf, you have to think about the sound it will make when you let go of
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it. It will release from your hand, and clank next to the bottle behind it,
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and so will the bottle behind it, and the one before that... you get the
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point. So you have to ease the bottles back down, so the first bottle meets
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the end of the row, without it making a sound. Don't 'studder' your
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movements... if you did that breathing excercise you probly won't.
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OK, you have gotten the beer and have completley made no sound...
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good! Now how to conceal it. The best way is to wear baggy pants., that has
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room in the wasteline to shove a beer into it, and have the proper shirt,
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sweater or coat will hide the presence of the beer. Practice this first, if
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you have a 40 ounce around. Or practice the movements in your head.
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Now shut the door slowly and make your way to the door... do not make
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eye contact with the cashier... ever! Once you have possesion of the beer
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just keep your head down (look at items on the lower shelf) and make your
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way to the door. Hopefully the cashier is still fixated on a customer, and
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won't pay notice to you leaving without buying an item. Contrary to populer
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belief it is not a good idea to buy a cheap item... it is best to just leave
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after you have stolen the beer (remember, the cashier has no clue that you
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have stolen anything).
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Too easy. I have stolen alot of beer from stores, and alot of other
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items, you can adapt this teaching to any other item (that is easily
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concealed within clothes).
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If you have any questions or would like to comment or have used my
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method to get beer, or want me to write about another subject... e-mail me at
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"Lucid Impulses@aol.com"
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Good luck!
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