179 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
179 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
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NOW THAT THE 90S ARE OVER
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Now that the 1990s are oever, we can drop many of the stupid
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fads from that time. It is a new century, after all. So here is a list
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of the stupid things from the 90's that we can stop listening to, or stop
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watching, or stop doing, or stop saying.
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This list has only 10 items at this time, but they encompass a
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lot of the total wrongness of the 90s.
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1. Madonna
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----------
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Actually, madonna is a product of the 80's but she appeared a lot
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(more than anyone wanted) in the 90's. Hey guys; she's over 40 now!
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NEXT!
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2. S.U.Vs aka Sport Utes aka minivans aka Bimbo Boxes
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-----------------------------------------------------
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They block the view of legitimate drivers. They encourage their
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drivers to drive more aggresivly then they normally would. The whole
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entire "road rage" thing did not become a problem until the bimbo boxes
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became so common. And the gas miliage is terrible. And they are
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ugly.
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3. N sync
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---------
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This is one of those stupid annoying no talent sounds-like-shit
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bands that just appears out of nowhere and spews really bad music all
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over. I don't know where they came from but can we send them back?
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After all, they're so 90s, and we are done with the 90s.
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4. Boyz to men
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This is another one of those stupid annoying no talent whining
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90s bands. They can't even spell "boys" correctly. Enough of them!
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After all, they're so 90s, and we are done with the 90s.
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5. Political correctness
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------------------------
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Say what you mean, mean what you say.
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Here is a list of P.C. phrases and to their English equivalents.
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memorize them. Correct the speaking/writing of others as often as you
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can.
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Bullshit English
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~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
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physically challanged Handicapped
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My bad My fault
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s/he he or she
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value add usefulness
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rectify fix
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pre owned used
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proactive fast
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proactively quickly
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information systems specialist computer operator
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application test analyst software tester
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daytime running lights total stupidity
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he has issues he has problems
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I take issue with that I have a problem with that
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issues with this software problems with this software
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compatibility issues compatibility problems
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(remember: the only one who has issues is the collector of periodicals!)
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in hospital in the hospital
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team player slave
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quality assurance quality control
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software engineer computer programmer
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software developer computer programmer
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programmer analyst computer programmer
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develop software write programs
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intellectually challenged stupid (or retarded, even)
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cerebrally challenged retarded
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socially challenged nerdy
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vertically challenged short
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athletically challenged smart
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artistically challenged colorblind
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vegan vegetarian
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A Vegan (pronounced "VAY gan") is someone from the Vega star system.
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The word was used as early as the 1950s in published works of science
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fiction (such as the "Cities in Flight" novels). Because of that
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prior usage, pronouncing it "VEE gan" and using it to refer to a
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vegetarian is incorrect.
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customer care customer service
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server waiter or waitress
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waitperson waiter or waitress
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client server network computing
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Dodge caravan bimbo box
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minivan bimbo box
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SUV bimbo box
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sport utility bimbo box
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vanagen bimbo box
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electronica synth music (or "electronic music")
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facilitate help
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facilitator helper
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architected made
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architectured made
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architecting making
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wetlands swamp
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s/he he
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spokeswoman spokesman
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handyperson handyman
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chairperson chairman
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Remember. The chairman is a chairman even when she is a woman.
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leveraged used
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leveraging using
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Unless you are talking about physics or about a lever or about moving
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a heavy object, you should not use the word "leverage"!
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utilize use
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utilized used
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utilizing using
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oceania Australia
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geo-scientist geologist
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downsizing laying off (or firing)
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upsizing hiring (or re-hiring)
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magick magic
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vampyre vampire
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politically correct full of shit
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value add methodology
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holistic
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Those last two phrases have no meaning. If you find yourself
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using these words, you actually are saying nothing. Cancel your
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presentation. Don't write that book. Close your mouth. Stop.
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6. Day time running lights
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What moron came up with the idea of driving with your lights on
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in the day? DUH! It's a bright sunny day, and you add the glare of
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your head lights to the glare of the full sun? That's stupid!
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For the stupider of you people, I'll use an analogy: when you
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walk in the day time (if you do - some people only walk where their car
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can't go!), do you carry a lit flashlight? No!! Why! Because you can
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see fine and anyone who can't see you is so blind that the light would
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help not at all!
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So don't drive with your headlights on in the day time. Make
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sure the next car that you buy can be driven with the lights off (ie -
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don't buy a Volkswagon). When you are driving and someone else is
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driving along the road with their lights on, blink your lights on and
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off rapidly to let them know that they are driving incorrectly. It's
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the civic-minded thing to do.
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7. Ugly chicks
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Who told the women that thin eyebrows, black lipstick, flat
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chest, and ribs showing was sexy? All you women; eat something heavy
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with meat in it and then go back to what women were doing in the late
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70s and most of the 80s. Your 90s styling is Wrong.
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8. teletubbies
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Need I say more?
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9. Grunge music AKA alternative music
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Ok. Take some 70's rock, play it sloppier. Make sure most of
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the band members have small bits of facial hair (just sideburns, or just
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a goatee). YAWWWWWWN. That is so 90s.
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10. Martha Stewart
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Did we need some smarmy chick to tell us how to do everything?
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No! Ditch Martha, she's so 90s.
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The 90s are over. Go find something to do.
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