130 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
130 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
_____ __ ________.______ _ ___________ _ _______
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<^ _____.__\____\_____ /________.__./____ _\___ ^>
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|| The Key And I ||
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|| OR ||
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|- My Travels in the Sky, and What I Found There -|
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||by Padre Martini, Archdukebishop of West Texas ||
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|/|___ _______ ____ ___ ___ ____ ________ ______|\|
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<v___ _._ ___/___._\__ . /______.__\__\___ _/__v>
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\ /
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One night, while I did | . | sleep, a strange Messenger came
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and spoke to me. He said "Thou | | art summoned for a high Purpose,
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and are to meet with our master | . | that he may converse with you."
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To which I Replied, "Who am I | | that High Ones summon me to do
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their Bidding?" He said, "Do not|\ .| question. Simply come with me, and
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all things shall be explained | \ | unto you in due Time." And he did
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give me a strange Key, upon | \ | which was carven strange Letters
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that I was not priviliged to be | \| able to read. I took the Key, and
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placed the Chain upon which it | | hung about my neck, so that I might
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not lose it, and that I would | . | always have it, for clearly it was
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Something Important. |.__ |
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Then the strange messenger did || || take the Likeness of Bob Hope, yet
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with Wings, he took me by the ||__|| hand and we did Fly out of my
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window, into the cold sky beyond \__/ that which I know as Home.
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After a time of flying, he bade me to look down upon the Earth, and
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tell him what I saw. And I became afraid, for the Earth was far below me.
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And I said,
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"The land is like unto a great Field, and the oceans are as an
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immense Sea.." We flew higher, and he bade me to look again. I looked, and
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quaked, for the Earth was truly Far Below, and I said, "Oh, return me to my
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home, for the Land is no larger than a child's Sandbox, and the Oceans have
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become no larger than Lakes."
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To this he replied, "Do not Fear. A Grand Purpose calls you. You will
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not serve this purpose well if you fall to the Ground."
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When we had flown for about an hour, he bade me to look ahead, for our
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destination was in View. I did look, and my eyes stood agape with wonder,
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for I did perceive a great Castle, firmly anchored onto an Island, the
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whole of which floated in the Sky in the same way that Castles and Islands
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are not supposed to float.
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And I was Illuminated in that moment, for I Knew what this Castle was.
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It was Truly the Island of Laputa, of Swift had written of in _Gulliver's
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Travels_. I had enjoyed the book as a child, and now, I felt as a child
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Again, for I was traveling to visit Laputa, the Castle in the Sky.
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We reached the Castle, and alighted upon one of the many balconies
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that were there. My guide's wings folded, and he did assume the Likeness
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of Spike Dykes. We walked through a great Door, carven with the same letters
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as were on my Key about my neck. I became Curious as to the nature of the
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strange letters.
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"Master, these letters, their aspect is strange to me. Pray tell,
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what do they say?"
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He replied, "All will be Explained to you in Good Time."
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I was led into a gargantuan Hall. At one end, was a Door, similar in
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aspect to the one I had first seen, and at the other end, was a large
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table, spread with many dishes and Foods I did not know of. A tall man
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was seated alone at the table (though it was clearly set for many more),
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and he beckoned me to come and sit at the table with him. I did so, and
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we began to speak.
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We talked of many things, of how the World below us was becoming
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devoured by Seriousness, of how People were becoming Slaves and Sheep
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because they dared not to be Different, and of the Flatness of the Earth.
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As we talked, we ate from the food upon the Table. And as we ate, more
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strange people and Beings came to the Table to feast with us. I recognized
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my Guide among them, as well as many famous people who spent their lives at
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keeping Seriousness and Conformity at bay.
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I learned that they were now allowing me to become one of their Number.
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A great crowd dedicated to Fun, Illumination, and Enjoyment of Life to
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its fullest, lest the Twin Demons of Seriousness and Conformity take over
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the World Below and make all People upon it their Slaves. This Floating
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Castle was at Once their Freehold and their Fortress, in which many of
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them made their Home.
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When we had finished feasting, the table was cleared, and all left
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but the Tall Man and myself. He told me to call him Radamanthus. We
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left the table, and did go into another Room that was empty except for
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a great White Door.
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"Behind that Door," he said, "lies all the Secrets that our number
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have been using to combat Seriousness. You will now be given a chance
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to learn from them. Take the Key that you wear about your Neck, and Open
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the Great Door with it."
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I did remove the Key from my neck, and examining the Door, I found
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a Keyhole. I placed the Key into the Keyhole and opened the Door. I was
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shocked by the immediate wave of Coldness that came from inside the Great
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Refrigerator. I gritted my teeth and gazed into the Bright Light.
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My Mind was then Filled with Strange Ideas, so many that I could not
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take them All in. Many I did not Understand, many I did. But I did Learn
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the Grand Purpose---
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<Text Missing. We don't know what Padre Martini did with this bit. Maybe
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one day, we'll corner him and beat him with a wet noodle until he gives
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us the rest of the book.>
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And I did hold in my hand a Can, like unto the type for storing Ham
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and Sardines. Radamanthus bade me again to use the Key, saying,
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"Take again your Key, open the Can, and take out What is Inside."
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This I did, and the Can was Opened to reveal a strange Pinkish Mass.
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"Take That Which you found Inside," said Radamanthus, "and cast it
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into the Flames beside you, that it may be eaten."
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I did so, and after a time, the pinkish meat began to sizzle and give
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off an aroma that did make my mouth water.
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"Now," he said, "take it out of the Flames that we might eat of it,
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and you shall see even more Truths and Secrets."
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I did so again, reaching into the Flames for the Meat. And my hand
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was not Burned, but Protected by an Unknown Force. I took the Meat out,
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and carved it into pieces. Radamanthus and I then partook of what I came
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to know as SPAM, and my Mind was Opened to even more Truths. And I Under-
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stood, and was Illuminated.
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Yet one Secret was still Kept from me and my newfound Knowledge, so I
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put my Question to Radamanthus, hoping that he Knew the Answer.
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"But does the Great Light go out when the Great White Door to the
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Refrigerator is closed?" I asked.
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To which Radamanthus did not reply, but instead smiled and struck me
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on the Head with his Great Key. Darkness spun about me, and I awoke to
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find myself in my own Bed, clutching the Key.
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-----Padre Martini
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Archdukebishop of West Texas
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Holy Order of the Sirius Connection
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