131 lines
8.2 KiB
Plaintext
131 lines
8.2 KiB
Plaintext
A Panacea for Cheezy Movies
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Copyright (c) 1994, L. Shawn Aiken
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All rights reserved
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A Panacea for Cheezy Movies
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by L. Shawn Aiken
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As a child in the 70's I would drag myself out of bed on Saturday
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mornings and watch Scooby Doo, Pebbles and Bam Bam, and the Grape Ape. But
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the real fun came after the cartoons. Saturday Sci Fi Theater it was called,
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and once a week I would revel in the sights of Godzilla smashing Tokyo,
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vampires turning into bats, and brave astronauts shooting at martians in deep
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space. It was my favorite form of entertainment.
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Then Star Wars came out. My world shattered. I realized that science
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fiction movies could have plots. They could have good dialogue. They could
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have special effects where you could swear you were seeing the real thing. I
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realized Godzilla was nothing but a Japanese guy in a rubber suit. I saw the
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strings holding up the fake looking vampire bat. I understood that you could
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not fire a revolver in a vacuum. Depressed and embittered, I turned my back
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on b-movies.
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One day in early 1992 while I was channel surfing, I came upon one of
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these old movies. It was "The Amazing Colossal Man", the story of a man named
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Glen, who, through a nuclear accident, grows to tremendous proportions. But
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something was wrong. There was a silhouette of theater seats across the
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bottom, with three figures sitting there. But they were not just sitting
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there, they were cracking jokes about the movie. But more than that - they
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were fighting back. I was intrigued.
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Later I found out its name - Mystery Science Theatre 3000. My mother
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had told me about it. She thought she had inadvertently turned the television
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to a religious channel and stumbled upon Christians pointing out evil things
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in movies. What she had thought was the silhouette of a devil was in fact
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Crow T. Robot, one of the stars of the show. The devil's horns turned out to
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be a lacrosse mask, Crow's "ear devices".
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The premise of the show is this: Two mad scientists, Dr. Forrester
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and TV's Frank, become angry with their janitor, Joel Robinson, so they shoot
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him into space. Aboard the "Satellite of Love", Joel is forced to watch
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cheesy movies while the Mads monitor his mind and try to break him. To help
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him keep his sanity, Joel builds two robots, Crow and Tom Servo, and together
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they assault the movie of the week with their lightning comebacks and
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scimitar wit. In fact, in a two hour episode, they come up average of 700
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comebacks. That's over five a minute.
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But It's not just the sheer volume of jokes in each episode - it's the
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quality. Whether dealing with bad monster flicks to 50's beatnik movies,
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they're always loaded with ammunition. During the wonderful gem Rocket Attack
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USA, Joel notes, "I never thought the end of the world would be so annoying."
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While watching the film Rocketship XM, Crow makes a log entry for the stars,
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saying, "Dear Diary: Well, we're all going to die and it's my fault. Our
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fiery demise is imminent, but at least I have my health, knock on wood." And
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in the stinkburger Earth vs. the Spider, Tom Servo lets us know that "no
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spiders were squished, stepped on, flushed, or made to suffer any emotional
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distress during the making of this film. One spider did die of old age; we
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have two letters from doctors confirming this."
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Joel Hodgson created the show back in 1988 for KTMA, a UHF station in
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Minneapolis. He also played the Mad's victim, Joel Robinson, from it's
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beginning until late 1993. After 22 shows had been made the concept was sold
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to HBO, who put it on their fledgling network, Comedy Central. The staff left
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KTMA and formed an MST3K production company called Best Brains. The show has
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become so popular that the network airs it every day for almost 24 hours a
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week. Joel recently left the show to pursue other things. Mike Nelson, the
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head writer for the show, replaced Joel as the Mad Scientists' new victim.
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One MST3K fixtures is Turkey Day. The first episode of MST3K was
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aired on Thanksgiving, 1988, and it has become an annual event. Each
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Thanksgiving, Comedy Central airs 30 or more hours of the show in a row, to
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the delight of the fans and to the scourge of their football spectating
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relatives.
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Above all, the high point of the show is it's fans, commonly referred
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to as Misties. There are some 50,000 "official" fans. They have a tool that
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Trekkers of the 70s could only have dreamed of - computer networks, allowing
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them to range far and wide in their quest for like-minded people. Mike
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Slusher, known as Bot Snak and the Sysop of the Deep 13 BBS, describes them
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thus, "MSTies are the greatest people I know. I know that sounds trite, but
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it's true. they seem to be very warm and loyal to each other and have
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boundless enthusiasm for everything MST."
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Misties can be found on many networks throughout the country and the
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world. CompuServe has perhaps the most Misty activity, but there are Misties
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on America On-Line, GEnie, NVN, Internet, Prodigy, and the burgeoning People
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Together Network. Many Misties were scattered to the wind when Prodigy raised
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its rates in the summer of 1993, and as Mike Slusher said, "Prodigy was good
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for it's sheer number of messages, but it was ruled by evil dictators that
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would always ruin the fun." Misties can also be found on many local BBSes,
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their messages being echoed through nets such as RIME and WME.
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Why do people "become" Misties? Perhaps Chris Cornell, a Misty know
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as Sampo, explain it best. "I'm a MSTie, and unafraid to admit it, for two
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reasons. First, because in more than 30 years of watching TV, and 10 years of
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reviewing it professionally, MST3K is the single most intelligent, thoughtful,
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positive, elegant and side-splittingly funny comedy series I have ever
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encountered. Period. Second, because the more I meet and talk to other MSTies,
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the more I discover what an utterly charming group of people they are. I have
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a saying: "I never met a MSTie I didn't like." And when I do meet somebody
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irritating who claims to be a MSTie, I'm not surprised to discover, later,
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that they really could care less about the show and are just a hanger-on.
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It's happened over and over. The show attracts the nicest class of people:
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intelligent, sweet, polite and always very funny."
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These "on-line" Misties have always yearned to know their pals behind
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the computer screen better. They've exchanged photos, they've had small Misty
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parties, but as of yet, nothing has compared to the MSTieWeen party of 1992.
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Rockclimber, also know as Laura Kelley, described to me how it came about in
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an interview. There were some plans for a convention in the late fall of 92,
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but those plans petered out. Then Debbie Tobin, know as Kim C. on Prodigy,
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decided to have a MST Halloween Party at her home in Edina, Minnesota. A
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Comedy Central employee named Naomi who frequents some of the computer
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networks was contacted about it. Laura said that they were "hoping for maybe
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a bag of Doritos, or maybe a party platter," but Naomi said that they might be
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able to do more. Best Brains had not made any intros for the upcoming Turkey
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Day Marathon, so they decided to film the party instead, and let the party be
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the intro. And they catered the event. There the Misties were, dressed up in
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Halloween garb, meeting face to face and being broadcast to America at the
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same time. It was a sight few will forget.
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So, I have found goodness in b-movies after all. Well, perhaps not
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goodness, but a good way to look at the badness, and make it good. Isn't that
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what life's all about. If they hand you lemons, just make lemonade.
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MST3K BBSES
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Deep 13 - (215) 943-9526 (Levittown, PA) Sysop, Mike Slusher
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Satellite Of Love BBS - (513) 563-0759 (Cincinnati, OH) Sysop, Bob Poirier
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Satellite Of Love BBS - (619) 487-0690 (San Diego, CA)
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MST3K Publications
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BrainFood - BrainFood, C/O Rock Climber, 2252 S.E. Holland St., Port St. Lucie,
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FL 34952
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Crow's Nest - Crow's Nest, PO Box 3825, Evansville, IN 47736-3825
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Digest Digest - Digest Digest, 953 Rose Arbor Dr., San Marcos, CA 92069-4584
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MST3K Manifesto - C/O #12888, 6216 N. 23rd Street, Arlington, VA 22205
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