194 lines
9.2 KiB
Groff
194 lines
9.2 KiB
Groff
From davet@hrc63.co.uk Thu May 25 11:21:27 1989
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From: davet@hrc63.co.uk (Dave Thorpe)
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Subject: Nigel the Hedgehog, Chapter II
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----- News saved at 22 May 89 12:02:57 GMT
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Authors: kelly > kelvin > cmw > adrian > davet > aktar > gary
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The Saga of Nigel the Hedgehog
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Chapter II
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The hand was pretty bad as well. But enough of plays on words and
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onwards always onwards with the plot. Nigel felt a bit relaxed now, as
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he had defeated another commie-bastard lorry driver. But, using his
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inverse law he realised that something pretty bad would happen soon.
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He wound his weary way along the windey windy woad and wondered about
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why he was without water and wine. Luckily he saw in the distance a
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public house and increased his pace to reach it. As he approached it
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he recognised the "Leather Pope"..... Ah memories... of him and Ronnie, who
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used to meet him there before going back to his den for a steamy prickly
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sex session, (if you consider the anatomy of a hedgehog then gay sex is
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probaly quite painful). Oh well fuck Ronnie (not literaly), I have no love
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for him now. But Ronnie had different feelings. Was he at this moment
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drowning his sorrows in the Leather Pope?............
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Nigel pushed open the large creaky door with considerable trepidation.
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He need not have worried for inside the air was full of soft, mellifluous
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'baa-ing' and the idyllic scene of orgiastic sheep in a variety of
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interesting positions, none of which had not occured in Nigel's previous
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fantasies of course, as he was a hedgehog of the world. But suddenly his
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senses came back to him because from halfway around the world he could
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hear the agonised screams of a damsel in distress and he knew that now was the
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time for action.
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His senses instantly alert, Nigel glared around the room. The
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atmosphere was smoky ( from his extensive research Nigel knew it was of cigar
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smoke, from Havana, made on 3rd September 1987 ), the continuing screams
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appeared to come from upstairs. Quickly, but silently, Nigel made his way
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unseen through the crowded room ( how DOES he do that? ), and over to the
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stair. Climbing up the old wooden stairs was tricky ( have you ever seen a
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climbing hedgehog ? ), but he got to the top with suprising speed, agility and
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athletic grace. The screams came from behind a locked door ( he knew it was
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locked, he saw films ! ), and he peered through the keyhole to look. Inside a
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sight met his eyes. After sorting out the various limbs, he realised that the
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screams were probably not of distress !
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This dress was floating mysteriously in the air without a second
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thought for other occupants of the establishment. You see, Pinafore the dress,
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(Pinny to her friends - $40 an hour to strangers), was part-time super-
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soprano singer with that well known group of Close harmony singers, the
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"Willy Jockstrap and the fan-danglers". Her dubious voice was not all that
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it should have been. Desperately trying to hit top-E in their opening number,
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"She was only a fishmongers Daughter But....", she cracked 2 mirrors, 5
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World Records and came a close third in the World "Orgasm faking" contest
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taking place 200mile away in Dreamland.
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And as we return to the story of our intrepid super-hero 'Nigel',
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who's cause for peace, freedom and justice was so rudely interrupted
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by ramblings about dresses and other such like, he returned downstairs
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to drink some hearty ale with the people of this fine planet, who
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loved Nigel so dearly.
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He ordered a bottle of 'old peculiar' and sat drinking drowning his
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sorrows as he realised he had not done one super-hedgehog thing all
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day. He had not saved any soles from eternal sin, had not saved and
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cats from disgusting cat food, and had not given his autograph to
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anybody! Oh woe!
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But in the distance, and getting closer, the evil, jealous forces of
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darkness headed southwards to mame - even kill - our dear super hero
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Nigel. Little did our friend know.
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Ronnie opened the pub door, nuzzling it open to its full extent with
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his nobbly nasal nostrils, only to have it slammed basck in his face
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by some inconsiderate piss-head who didn't appreciate the 'oh so
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fresh' influx of air into the pub (by the way is it a pub or a hotel?)
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Ronnie was not a ram who gave up easily!! Half an hour later he was
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at the bar ordering a drink - called a BLOODY NIGEL - whilst laying
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a fresh layer of excrement on the shoes of the inconsiderate sod.
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Nigel was strategically placed on the opposite side of the bar,
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drink in one hand, dry roasted peanuts in the other......
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-=*=-
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More later.
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Newsgroups: Eunet.jokes
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Subject: Nigel The Hedgehog, chapter II
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Expires:
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References:
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Sender:
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Reply-To: davet@hrc63.UUCP (Dave Thorpe)
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Followup-To:
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Distribution: eunet
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Organization: GEC Hirst Research Centre, Wembley. U.K.
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Keywords:
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Authors: kelly > kelvin > cmw > adrian > davet > aktar > gary
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|
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The Saga of Nigel the Hedgehog
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||
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
||
Chapter II
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||
|
||
|
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The hand was pretty bad as well. But enough of plays on words and
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||
onwards always onwards with the plot. Nigel felt a bit relaxed now, as
|
||
he had defeated another commie-bastard lorry driver. But, using his
|
||
inverse law he realised that something pretty bad would happen soon.
|
||
He wound his weary way along the windey windy woad and wondered about
|
||
why he was without water and wine. Luckily he saw in the distance a
|
||
public house and increased his pace to reach it. As he approached it
|
||
he recognised the "Leather Pope"..... Ah memories... of him and Ronnie, who
|
||
used to meet him there before going back to his den for a steamy prickly
|
||
sex session, (if you consider the anatomy of a hedgehog then gay sex is
|
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probaly quite painful). Oh well fuck Ronnie (not literaly), I have no love
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for him now. But Ronnie had different feelings. Was he at this moment
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drowning his sorrows in the Leather Pope?............
|
||
|
||
Nigel pushed open the large creaky door with considerable trepidation.
|
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He need not have worried for inside the air was full of soft, mellifluous
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'baa-ing' and the idyllic scene of orgiastic sheep in a variety of
|
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interesting positions, none of which had not occured in Nigel's previous
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||
fantasies of course, as he was a hedgehog of the world. But suddenly his
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senses came back to him because from halfway around the world he could
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hear the agonised screams of a damsel in distress and he knew that now was the
|
||
time for action.
|
||
|
||
His senses instantly alert, Nigel glared around the room. The
|
||
atmosphere was smoky ( from his extensive research Nigel knew it was of cigar
|
||
smoke, from Havana, made on 3rd September 1987 ), the continuing screams
|
||
appeared to come from upstairs. Quickly, but silently, Nigel made his way
|
||
unseen through the crowded room ( how DOES he do that? ), and over to the
|
||
stair. Climbing up the old wooden stairs was tricky ( have you ever seen a
|
||
climbing hedgehog ? ), but he got to the top with suprising speed, agility and
|
||
athletic grace. The screams came from behind a locked door ( he knew it was
|
||
locked, he saw films ! ), and he peered through the keyhole to look. Inside a
|
||
sight met his eyes. After sorting out the various limbs, he realised that the
|
||
screams were probably not of distress !
|
||
|
||
This dress was floating mysteriously in the air without a second
|
||
thought for other occupants of the establishment. You see, Pinafore the dress,
|
||
(Pinny to her friends - $40 an hour to strangers), was part-time super-
|
||
soprano singer with that well known group of Close harmony singers, the
|
||
"Willy Jockstrap and the fan-danglers". Her dubious voice was not all that
|
||
it should have been. Desperately trying to hit top-E in their opening number,
|
||
"She was only a fishmongers Daughter But....", she cracked 2 mirrors, 5
|
||
World Records and came a close third in the World "Orgasm faking" contest
|
||
taking place 200mile away in Dreamland.
|
||
|
||
And as we return to the story of our intrepid super-hero 'Nigel',
|
||
who's cause for peace, freedom and justice was so rudely interrupted
|
||
by ramblings about dresses and other such like, he returned downstairs
|
||
to drink some hearty ale with the people of this fine planet, who
|
||
loved Nigel so dearly.
|
||
|
||
He ordered a bottle of 'old peculiar' and sat drinking drowning his
|
||
sorrows as he realised he had not done one super-hedgehog thing all
|
||
day. He had not saved any soles from eternal sin, had not saved and
|
||
cats from disgusting cat food, and had not given his autograph to
|
||
anybody! Oh woe!
|
||
|
||
But in the distance, and getting closer, the evil, jealous forces of
|
||
darkness headed southwards to mame - even kill - our dear super hero
|
||
Nigel. Little did our friend know.
|
||
|
||
Ronnie opened the pub door, nuzzling it open to its full extent with
|
||
his nobbly nasal nostrils, only to have it slammed basck in his face
|
||
by some inconsiderate piss-head who didn't appreciate the 'oh so
|
||
fresh' influx of air into the pub (by the way is it a pub or a hotel?)
|
||
Ronnie was not a ram who gave up easily!! Half an hour later he was
|
||
at the bar ordering a drink - called a BLOODY NIGEL - whilst laying
|
||
a fresh layer of excrement on the shoes of the inconsiderate sod.
|
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Nigel was strategically placed on the opposite side of the bar,
|
||
drink in one hand, dry roasted peanuts in the other......
|
||
|
||
|
||
-=*=-
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|
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More later.
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