99 lines
6.7 KiB
Plaintext
99 lines
6.7 KiB
Plaintext
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| A Day in McDonaldland |
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| Written by -- G.I. Joe |
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| Call these! |
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| Pitstop AE/CF 504/774/7126 Wolf's Den AE/BBS/CF 203/269/8377 |
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| Binary Sixx AE 505/275/0110 Lighthouse AE/BBS/CF 504/291/5690 |
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| p/w SIXX DETAC AE p/w RUSH 617/458/2934 |
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| Any similarities of characters depicted here to anyone in the world, |
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| both living and/or dead is purely coincinental. And, if you are |
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| offended by any of this... Please - Fuck off. (C) DETAC 6/10/86 |
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Once upon a time in McDonaldland, Ronald got up. He was awakened by the
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screaming of Birdie the Early Bird who wanted Ronald to buy him some hotcakes
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and sausage, and a worm McMuffin. Through the corner of his half-opened eye
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he saw Birdie flying toward his window. Ronald did not want to get up! He'd
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been drinking the night before and had a whanging headache. Thinking quickly
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Ronald reached over to his nighttable drawer and took out his .357 McMagnum.
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He then emptied the weapon into Birdie's oncoming face. Ronald then laid
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back down. A moment later he bolted upright and said 'tails!'. He jumped
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out of his bed and ran to the window to look down at the corpse. Ron was
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right, all that remained of the flying freak was his tail. The hungover
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clown smiled and went back to bed.
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A little while later, a group of small children appeared under Ronald's
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balcony. They called for the clown to come out. Ronald told them that he'd
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be out in a few minutes as he was getting a surprise for them. Ronald loved
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children, he eats at least one a day... The clown appeared as he promised
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and poured boiling-hot oil all over the little tykes. In the few seconds
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before they died, they sure were surprised. The big clown laughed (he had a
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queer sense of humor) and looked at his handiwork. Bodies were sprawled all
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over the yard. Ron knew that there'd be no more visits today. He thought
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"Ah, at last... sleep, perchance to dream of more cruel things to do to the
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kiddies.", and promptly passed out in bed again.
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Ronald got up by himself at about 2:00 pm, got dressed, downed an entire
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bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol Capsules ( he got a great bargain on all the
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recalled packages ), and headed to Queen St. for to buy some bones. Ronald
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picked up a deal on 5 party-size sens joints and strolled through
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McDonaldland smoking them. After he had smoked 3 of 'em, he started to flick
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lit matches at passing dogs, he also was spitting at all the kids too. And
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why not? He was feeling much better now since his headache is gone, so he
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was out to enjoy himself. He came over to a grove of trees and carved
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' Fuck the King! ' into the first tree he reached with his switchblade.
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Then he continued on his merry way. It was such a wonderful day too. The
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sun was shining, the birds were singing, ...you know. A NICE DAY. The
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flowers all looked up and smiled & waved to Ronald as he walked along. But
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the clown was in no mood for that shit today. So he took great care to kick
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the heads off of every flower around him with his deformed, size 22 feet.
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Well, Ron had laid waste to a whole field of these friendly flowers when he
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caught sight of a lone little boy walking toward him. Ronald's face beamed,
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his heart warmed, his eyes softened, he became his usual loveable self. The
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child jumped up into Ronald's open arms, and they spun around in the flowers.
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It was so touching that Ronald wanted to puke. Then he suddenly remembered
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how he and his father used to do this too. They'd play in the field, then
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his father would bounce little Ron into the air... Unconciously, Ronald
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hurled the child skward and watched as it gained altitude and became just a
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tiny dot in the sky. The dot started growing bigger as Ron realized that he
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couldn't catch for beans. Too bad. The kid came down with a long, loud
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scream that ceased abruptly upon inpact. Ron thought to himself, "Wow, that
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sure brings back memories...", and asked the kid if he wanted to do that one
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more time. The boy just kept lying there twitching, so Ronald figured that
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he didn't. "Alright... nice meeting you liitle boy.", said the clown as he
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left to get back onto the footpath. A little ways down the road, Grimace and
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his green uncle came riding by on a bicycle built for 10. Ron remembered the
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2 joints he had left and decided to let his friend Grimace in on it along
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with his jolly green goodwill-case uncle. The three of them went down to the
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riverside to partake of the weed's pleasures. Uncle Greenie seemed to like
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the pot. In fact, he liked it so much that after taking the biggest hit ever
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attempted by any living being and drooling at the same time, he passed out
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cold on the ground. Ronald snatched the soaked doobie from from the Irish
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monster's spongy, hairy, limp paw, and was about to take a hit himself when
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he noticed that there was spit all over it. He passed it to Grimace who
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didn't seem to mind sucking on other people's spit. Ronald was pissed off
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though, and he rolled Grimace's uncle into the river to drown. That's
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exactly what the green burnout did too. Ron walked back to Grimace and lit
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the other joint carelessly dropping the lit match on Grimace, who was busy
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playing with himself and didn't notice the fire. The clown stayed around
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and watched Grimace melt for a little while. Then he left, leaving his
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last real friend burning to death in a 10 foot flame. The big clown went
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back to his home and just laughed his head off...
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Well, that's it for this installment folx. Hope you enjoyed it as much
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as I did when I first came up with it. Also, call my AE,
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DETAC AE (617) 458-2934 p/w: RUSH 300/1200bd 24hrs a day in STEREO!
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YES! We do requests there! If I've got it, you can have it too.
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(> Written by G.I. Joe 6/10/86 - (K)opywrite 1986, DETAC Publishing <)
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