121 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
121 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
Hotline! (1)
|
|
(c) 1987
|
|
James Zachary
|
|
|
|
On any given day, at any given moment, the phone at the water and
|
|
sewage department can ring with a crisis call.
|
|
|
|
Southeast Treatment Plant, this is Zack.
|
|
|
|
"Ahem, err, why are ... uhhh are you adding ... uhhhmmm, why are
|
|
you putting ammonia in our drinking water ...?"
|
|
|
|
Pardon me?
|
|
|
|
"Uhhh, in my drinking water ... in my fish-tank ..."
|
|
|
|
You drink the water from your fish-tank?
|
|
|
|
"Uhhhh, errr, nooooo, I uh ..."
|
|
|
|
Sir, we have a terrible connection, sounds like you're talking
|
|
into a garbage can ...
|
|
|
|
"Hold on a sec ... THERE! IS THAT BETTER? I WAS ON MY NEW
|
|
SPEAKER PHONE!"
|
|
|
|
What else are you on?
|
|
|
|
"'SCUSE ME?"
|
|
|
|
Never mind. Don't shout, I can hear ya fine now. You said your
|
|
fish-tank tastes funny?
|
|
|
|
"Uhhhh, nooooo. All my fish died so I tested the water and it
|
|
has ammonia in it."
|
|
|
|
What's your point?
|
|
|
|
"The water in my fish-tank came from our faucet ... it's regular
|
|
drinking water from you. Your ammonia killed my fish!"
|
|
|
|
We don't add ammonia to our water. Some of the large systems do,
|
|
to form chloramines so they can carry a chlorine residual for
|
|
great distances, but we don't do that.
|
|
|
|
"Now wait a minute! I tested the water, both in the fish tank
|
|
and from the faucet and it has ammonia in it!"
|
|
|
|
I see. How much ammonia?.
|
|
|
|
"Five."
|
|
|
|
Five ...? Five what? Five parts per million, parts per billion,
|
|
parts per trillion...?
|
|
|
|
"Uhhhhh, it just says five."
|
|
|
|
What kind of equipment are you using?
|
|
|
|
"Well, I dunno but it cost me PLENTY! I spent $12 on it to find
|
|
out YOU killed my fish! It has test tubes and a color chart! I
|
|
went to college, you know!"
|
|
|
|
Uh huh, I'm sure your mother is proud. Look, friend, let me
|
|
assure you our lab, as well as the EPA lab, cost a tad more than
|
|
$12. Both labs are certified for technique and accuracy and
|
|
their results show the drinking water has barely enough ammonia
|
|
to measure.
|
|
|
|
"You mean I wasted $12?"
|
|
|
|
Looks that way.
|
|
|
|
"But my fish are all dead! The tank even smells like ammonia!"
|
|
|
|
How big was the tank and how many fish were in it?
|
|
|
|
"It was a 10 gallon tank and I had 50 black mollies in it."
|
|
|
|
Wonderful. You had 50 fish in a 10 gallon tank?
|
|
|
|
"Sure! The book that came with the tank said ..."
|
|
|
|
Whoa! Listen, ammonia may have played a part in bumping your
|
|
fish off but the ammonia came from their own waste.
|
|
|
|
"Their own waste? I don't understand!"
|
|
|
|
Waste ... excrement ... in college terms, your fish made wee wee
|
|
in the water...
|
|
|
|
"Oooooh......."
|
|
|
|
... and they made big poo poo ...
|
|
|
|
"Ahhhh, but my filter removes all that!"
|
|
|
|
Right. When was the last time you cleaned your filter?
|
|
|
|
"Why, NEVER! This filter turns the waste into air by rotifer
|
|
reaction so it never needs cleaning. It worked fine for a
|
|
month!"
|
|
|
|
Sir, have you ever considered changing hobbies to something other
|
|
than tropical fish?
|
|
|
|
"Well, I USED to raise tropical plants until YOUR water killed
|
|
them!"
|
|
|
|
How often did you water them?
|
|
|
|
"At least four times a day ..."
|
|
|
|
Maybe you'd consider raising hydroponic pet rocks.
|
|
|
|
"C L I C K ! ! "
|
|
|
|
Sometimes it doesn't pay to be helpful ...
|
|
|