47 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
47 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
Ashtray and Gherkin
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Just to look at this brazen, yet fruity oiled hunk of beef, you'd
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never guess that he'd been bald, unwanted and held a number of
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unpopular opinions on mobilisation of NATO forces in the event of
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James Reyne (1) becoming popular in Albania.
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`Yes. It was.. true. There I was... young, wide enough to be a
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traffic island, yet undeniably starting to resemble popular cue-ball
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analogies. I looked old... I felt old... and I forget the rest...'
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So Rob came to Ashtray and Gherkin, where our trained team of ballet
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psychologist follicle healers quickly detected the problem: Rob had
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glued his wig on upside-down.
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`I had, in fact, glued my wig on upside-down.'
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So, after years of specially focussed research and selling Rob's
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furniture, we advised him of our special `Weld a Helmet to your Skull'
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plan.
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`It sure worked for me! Now, no-one knows whether I have hair or
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not, and my helmet stays put whether I am weight-lifting under water,
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dry-river kayaking or just shaking my head around to stop the medulla
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to stop from sliding down the one end. And my social life... the only
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word is wof. Sorry, "wow".'
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`It sure is! Even Rob's little haymaker runs at four hundred cycles
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over recommended voltage with the new Ashtray and Gherkin Helmet
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Fusion program!'
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What was right for Rob may not be right for you, but if you're bald,
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and thus invariably the last sausage roll on the plate when it comes
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to choosing up sides for acceptable company, our qualified team of
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skateboard mechanics will find something to weld to your head as well.
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Be a talking point at parties! Pick up strange women! Instantly
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increase your knowledge of mediaeval cricket stats! Why waste time
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sitting alone in your room? Come hear the music play, come in to
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Ashtray and Gherkin for an obligation-free blowtorch test graft and
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soon you, like Rob, can be popular, and heavier from the neck up.
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`Helmet Fusion sure worked on moo - on me, and now I pick up
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shortwave broadcasts.'
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Ashtray and Gherkin - the Helmet Fusion Specialists for over one
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thousand commercials.
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