82 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
82 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
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The Story of Ronald Frump
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by Dave Bealer
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Ronald Frump was born on December 7, 1941. Frump calls this an
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interesting fact, although his business opponents have been known to
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refer to it as prophetic.
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Leaving his childhood home of Fort Scott, Kansas, at the age of
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sixteen, Frump made his way west, eventually settling in Soccorro,
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New Mexico. After spending many years selling used yachts in New
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Mexico, Frump tired of the fast and reckless lifestyle of Soccorro
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and made for the calmer waters of Las Vegas.
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In 1963 Frump landed his first job as a dealer at a small club off
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the strip. His business savvy and bloodthirsty tendencies soon saw
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him safely ensconced as owner of three small clubs, The Frump Sphinx
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Club in Las Vegas, the Frump Coliseum in Reno and the Frump Colossus
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in South Lake Tahoe.
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But Ronald Frump is a dreamer, and a man not accustomed to making do
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with what he already has. He conceived of a huge strip hotel, larger
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than any then in existence. The result was the Frump Pyramid, two
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blocks long and 50 stories high. The Pyramid's 4,500 hotel rooms
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were filled constantly with customers for the three casinos, two
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nightclubs, five restaurants and numerous shops contained on the
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lower levels.
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Opened in 1971 with the aid of money invested by a group of well-
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heeled New Jersey olive importers, the Frump Pyramid cleared more
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than $6 billion in its first five years. With this kind of success,
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it was only a matter of time before further expansion took place.
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The Frump Boardwalk Pyramid in Atlantic City was opened in 1983 with
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the help of new partners, a consortium of sugar importers from Miami.
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The Boardwalk Pyramid's 3,800 rooms and two casinos make it the
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largest casino/hotel on the east coast.
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With profits of better than $2 billion a year from the two Pyramids,
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Frump has been playing a real-life game of Monopoly, buying every
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hotel which comes up for sale in both cities. But why is it that
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Ronald Frump is prospering when other casino operations in Nevada and
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New Jersey are foundering?
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Many experts attribute his success to his extra-ordinary sense of
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what people will find entertaining. For instance, one of the
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mainstay attractions of both Pyramids is the "Frumpies," waitresses
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clad in fuzzy pink bathrobes and slippers, their hair up in curlers.
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Many guests seem to like this homey touch, and are willing to
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overlook the "Frumpies" usual surliness, the extent of which has
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prompted more than one observer to nickname them the "Grumpies."
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The Twerpus Maximus Room at the Frump Coliseum is one of the most
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popular cabaret spots in Reno. Retired and burned out Frumpies strut
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their stuff there every evening in front of sellout crowds.
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Another major innovation brought to casinos by Ronald Frump is the
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"Robo-Dealer," a mechanical dealing robot built by RCU, the Robotics
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Corporation of Ukraine, located in Minsk. These wise-cracking
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mechanical dealers not only save large amounts of payroll expense,
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they are also able to more effectively spot players who cheat, while
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themselves performing tremendous feats of automatic dexterity while
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dealing. A Robo-Dealer has begun appearing in recent Frump Casino
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ads, and its early popularity has led some pundits to make the gloomy
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prediction that Robo-Dealer may attain pop-culture icon status
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similar to that enjoyed by Max Headroom and "Mr. Whipple."
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Despite his success, Ronald Frump's life has not been without its
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trials and tribulations. He ended up spending millions outfitting
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the new Boardwalk Pyramid with huge fans to blow away the fog which
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would periodically obscure the fifty foot high letters proclaiming
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the FRUMP name to all of south Jersey.
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Copyright 1992 Dave Bealer, All Rights Reserved
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------------
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Dave Bealer is a thirty-something mainframe systems programmer who
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works with CICS, MVS and all manner of nasty acronyms at one of the
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largest heavy metal shops on the East Coast. He shares a waterfront
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townhome in Pasadena, MD. with two cats who annoy him endlessly as he
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writes and electronically publishes Random Access Humor. He can be
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reached at - Internet: dave.bealer@rah.clark.net FidoNet> 1:261/1129
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