textfiles/stories/fea2

Waterlogged Klingons
Copyright (c) 1994, L. Shawn Aiken
All rights reserved



        I was hoping to come back from Stellar Occasion '94 with all sorts of 
neat things to tell you.  Regretfully, I missed most of the Con.  Caught the 
tail end, though.  But it was not what I was hoping for - my first time out.
        I've never been to a science fiction convention, you see.  I was 
hoping to experience one.  All of one.  Alas, the great rains hit.  You know 
that storm that sent Houston and the surrounding bits under water?  Not that 
one.  The smaller one that hit Dallas a few days later.
        It wasn't a big flood.  I've been in those.  Back in Houston.  In the 
'70s.  When you see your neighbors going to the 7-11 in canoes, you know it 
is bad.  Dallas just experienced a flash flood this time around.  A few 
people washed away down the Trinity River and never seen again.  Small 
potatoes.
        It did not matter that the flood was on Friday and the Con was on 
Saturday and Sunday.  It still got the car.  The alternator on the car drank 
all the water it could and then went on the fritz.  So much for Japanese 
technology vs. Texas thunderstorms.
        Anyway, the car was off-line.  I sat there and lamented.  My first 
Con and this happens.  I've been a science fiction fan all of my life.  I 
was brought up on Star Trek, Asimov, Bradbury, Clarke, and the like.  But I 
never felt a compunction to go to a Con.  Buncha weird people, I always 
thought.  Dressed up to the hilt in Spock ears.  Goofy.  Sure, I can go and 
memorize every line in the original Star Trek series - but I don't want to 
meet people who do the same.
        But times - and people - change.  I wanted to see.  Observe what all 
the hubbub was about.  A little bit.  But the real reason I had in mind was 
to see the experts.  People like G. Harry Stine, who has written for Analog 
magazine since God created cheese.  And William Gaubatz, Director-Program 
Manager for the Delta Clipper rocket.  A whole slew of experts in the space 
field talking for two days straight, in conferences such as "Space 
Settlement" and "Fork Fights in Zero-G."  My kinda stuff.
        J. Michael Straczynski was there, giving a six hour workshop on 
scriptwiritng.  Being a writer, and knowing nothing about scriptwriting, I 
figured it would be invaluable.  Even if Straczynski had come up with 
"Captain Power."  You remember it.  That show where you could show at people 
on the screen?  Well, perhaps you don't remember . . .
        But NOOOOO.  The rain in Spain falls mainly in Texas, damaging 
Japanese auto parts.  I finally did make it - on Sunday - Sunday afternoon - 
to be precise.  Thirty bucks for my sister and I to enter.  But I had to go.  
Even if I had missed everything interesting, I still had to go.  Don't ask 
why.
        First thing we see is a guy in a Starfleet uniform wandering out of 
the hotel.  "God," my sister muttered.  I wasn't surprised.  You were 
supposed to see that kind of thing there.  I would have felt cheated if I 
hadn't.
        Surprisingly, there were very few people all dressed up.  One woman 
was particularly striking.  She was dressed up as one of those races in 
"Babylon 5."  The bald ones.  Not the reptilian bald ones, but the humanoid 
bald ones.  But not the spiky-hair bald ones.  The psychic bald ones.  You 
know who I mean.  And if you know who in the heck they are, please let me 
know.
        Anyway, she was dressed up just like on of them.  The costume was 
perfect.  The makeup was perfect.  It looked like she had just wandered down 
from space.  This wasn't your 'buy a costume in a package' affair.  This had 
taken time, money, dedication, and a high level of artistic skill.  I was, 
and still am, impressed.
        The second thing we saw was Claudia Christian, from Babylon 5, 
signing autographs.  Warnings about the pain imposed if you cut in line were 
floating about.  I stayed away.  I wouldn't know what to do with an autograph 
if I had one.  Keep it as a bookmark, I guess.
        The first celebrity I ever saw was in El Paso, in a Walmart.  I was 
wandering around the shampoo section, and a really scruffy man, smelling a 
bit, wandered by.  He stooped and began examining hair care products.  In a 
flash I realized who it was.  Tommy Chong.  My suspicions were confirmed 
when I heard later on the news that Cheech and Chong were in town for a low 
rider competition.
        Having seen such and impressive person as Tommy Chong in the flesh, 
I was not impressed with Claudia Christian.  No body odor.  No scratching of 
parts that shouldn't be scratched in public.  Claudia was a let down.
        We eventually ended up in the dealer's room.  Lots of stuff for sell.  
More Star Trek trading cards than I had ever seen.  Not that I understand 
why anyone would buy them, but they were there.  Posters, figures, paste-on 
Klingon foreheads, little clickety-click Star Trek badges; just about 
anything you can imagine.  Crystal Wood, a local author, was selling her 
book, Cut Him Out in Little Stars at a table as well.
        Eventually I realized that there was going to be a conference 
entitled "Vast Possibilities of the Future," with mucho big names in it.  
But, do to a mix up, I ended up in a room with Judith Ward.
        Ms. Ward is what you might call a professional fan.  From what I can 
tell she lives at conventions and breathes science fiction instead of air.  
Some people might call her obsessive.  I'll just call her dedicated, which 
indeed she is.
        Somehow she helped to get the 1997 WorldCon (World Science Fiction 
Convention) to be help in San Antonio.  The WorldCon is one of the biggest 
conventions in the universe, and she talked an hour about it.  I had no idea 
how much was involved in one of those things.  Thousands of people gathered 
from all around the world for five days.  Around three official hotels taking 
part.  It should be quite a sight.
        Regretfully, I had to get back home after that.  It certainly wasn't 
fifteen dollars, but it would have if I had been on schedule and got to do 
everything I had wanted to.  But those two hours wandering around lost were 
kind of fun.
        Early in November there is a Star Trek Convention being held close 
by.  Just Star Trek though.  Hmm.  It may be interesting - even with no space 
experts.
        And then there is WorldCon in 1997.  That should be a blast.  The 
second Star Wars trilogy should be out about then, if Lucas keeps his 
promise.  Hmm.  I'll have to think about it.
        Oh, and there were no waterlogged Klingons.  Sunday was nice and 
clear.