4131 lines
212 KiB
Plaintext
4131 lines
212 KiB
Plaintext
[corrections to typos made 6/22/94 by PDCChristy@aol.com]
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Original etext came from the Online Book Initiative (OBI)
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via the Internet Wiretap
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[obi/Joseph.Conrad/heart.of.darkness.txt]
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Joseph Conrad: The Heart of Darkness
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I
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The Nellie, a cruising yawl, swung to her anchor
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without a flutter of the sails, and was at rest. The flood
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had made, the wind was nearly calm, and being bound
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down the river, the only thing for it was to come to
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and wait for the turn of the tide.
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The sea-reach of the Thames stretched before us
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like the beginning of an interminable waterway. In
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the offing the sea and the sky were welded together
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without a joint, and in the luminous space the tanned
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sails of the barges drifting up with the tide seemed to
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stand still in red clusters of canvas sharply peaked,
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with gleams of varnished spirits. A haze rested on the
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low shores that ran out to sea in vanishing flatness.
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The air was dark above Gravesend, and farther back
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still seemed condensed into a mournful gloom, brood-
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ing motionless over the biggest, and the greatest, town
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on earth.
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The Director of Companies was our captain and our
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host. We four affectionately watched his back as he
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stood in the bows looking to seaward. On the whole
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river there was nothing that looked half so nautical.
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He resembled a pilot, which to a seaman is trust-
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worthiness personified. It was difficult to realize his
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work was not out there in the luminous estuary, but
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behind him, within the brooding gloom.
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Between us there was, as I have already said some-
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where, the bond of the sea. Besides holding our hearts
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together through long periods of separation, it had
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the effect of making us tolerant of each other's yarns
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-- and even convictions. The Lawyer -- the best of old
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fellows -- had, because of his many years and many
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virtues, the only cushion on deck, and was lying on the
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only rug. The Accountant had brought out already a
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box of dominoes, and was toying architecturally with
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the bones. Marlow sat cross-legged right aft, leaning
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against the mizzenmast. He had sunken cheeks, a
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yellow complexion, a straight back, an ascetic aspect,
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and, with his arms dropped, the palms of hands out-
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wards, resembled an idol. The Director, satisfied the
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anchor had good hold, made his way aft and sat down
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amongst us. We exchanged a few words lazily. After-
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wards there was silence on board the yacht. For some
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reason or other we did not begin that game of domi-
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noes. We felt meditative, and fit for nothing but
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placid staring. The day was ending in a serenity of
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still and exquisite brilliance. The water shone pacifi-
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cally; the sky, without a speck, was a benign immen-
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sity of unstained light; the very mist on the Essex
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marsh was like a gauzy and radiant fabric, hung from
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the wooded rises inland, and draping the low shores
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in diaphanous folds. Only the gloom to the west,
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brooding over the upper reaches, became more sombre
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every minute, as if angered by the approach of the sun.
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And at last, in its curved and imperceptible fall, the
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sun sank low, and from glowing white changed to a
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dull red without rays and without heat, as if about to
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go out suddenly, stricken to death by the touch of
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that gloom brooding over a crowd of men.
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Forthwith a change came over the waters, and the
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serenity became less brilliant but more profound. The
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old river in its broad reach rested unruffled at the
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decline of day, after ages of good service done to the
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race that peopled its banks, spread out in the tranquil
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dignity of a waterway leading to the uttermost ends
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of the earth. We looked at the venerable stream not
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in the vivid flush of a short day that comes and departs
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for ever, but in the august light of abiding memories.
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And indeed nothing is easier for a man who has, as
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the phrase goes, "followed the sea" with reverence
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and affection, than to evoke the great spirit of the past
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upon the lower reaches of the Thames. The tidal cur-
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rent runs to and fro in its unceasing service, crowded
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with memories of men and ships it had borne to the
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rest of home or to the battles of the sea. It had known
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and served all the men of whom the nation is proud,
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from Sir Francis Drake to Sir John Franklin, knights
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all, titled and untitled -- the great knights-errant of
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the sea. It had borne all the ships whose names are
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like jewels flashing in the night of time, from the
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Golden Hind returning with her round flanks full of
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treasure, to be visited by the Queen's Highness and
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thus pass out of the gigantic tale, to the Erebus and
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Terror, bound on other conquests -- and that never
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returned. It had known the ships and the men. They
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had sailed from Deptford, from Greenwich, from
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Erith -- the adventurers and the settlers; kings' ships
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and the ships of men on 'Change; captains, admirals,
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the dark "interlopers" of the Eastern trade, and the
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commissioned "generals" of East India fleets. Hunters
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for gold or pursuers of fame, they all had gone out
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on that stream, bearing the sword, and often the torch,
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messengers of the might within the land, bearers of a
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spark from the sacred fire. What greatness had not
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floated on the ebb of that river into the mystery of
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an unknown earth! . . . The dreams of men, the
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seed of commonwealths, the germs of empires.
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The sun set; the dusk fell on the stream, and lights
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began to appear along the shore. The Chapman light-
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house, a three-legged thing erect on a mud-flat, shone
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strongly. Lights of ships moved in the fairway -- a
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great stir of lights going up and going down. And
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farther west on the upper reaches the place of the
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monstrous town was still marked ominously on the
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sky, a brooding gloom in sunshine, a lurid glare under
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the stars.
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"And this also," said Marlow suddenly, "has been
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one of the dark places of the earth."
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He was the only man of us who still "followed the
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sea." The worst that could be said of him was that he
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did not represent his class. He was a seaman, but he
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was a wanderer, too, while most seamen lead, if one
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may so express it, a sedentary life. Their minds are
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of the stay-at-home order, and their home is always
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with them -- the ship; and so is their country -- the sea.
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One ship is very much like another, and the sea is
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always the same. In the immutability of their sur-
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roundings the foreign shores, the foreign faces, the
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changing immensity of life, glide past, veiled not by
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a sense of mystery but by a slightly disdainful igno-
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rance; for there is nothing mysterious to a seaman
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unless it be the sea itself, which is the mistress of his
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existence and as inscrutable as Destiny. For the rest,
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after his hours of work, a casual stroll or a casual spree
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on shore suffices to unfold for him the secret of a
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whole continent, and generally he finds the secret not
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worth knowing. The yarns of seamen have a direct
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simplicity, the whole meaning of which lies within the
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shell of a cracked nut. But Marlow was not typical
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(if his propensity to spin yarns be excepted), and to
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him the meaning of an episode was not inside like a
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kernel but outside, enveloping the tale which brought
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it out only as a glow brings out a haze, in the likeness
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of one of these misty halos that sometimes are made
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visible by the spectral illumination of moonshine.
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His remark did not seem at all surprising. It was
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just like Marlow. It was accepted in silence. No one
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took the trouble to grunt even; and presently he said,
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very slow --
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"I was thinking of very old times, when the
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Romans first came here, nineteen hundred years ago --
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the other day.... Light came out of this river
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since -- you say Knights? Yes; but it is like a running
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blaze on a plain, like a flash of lightning in the clouds.
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We live in the flicker -- may it last as long as the old
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earth keeps rolling! But darkness was here yesterday.
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Imagine the feelings of a commander of a fine -- what
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d'ye call 'em? -- trireme in the Mediterranean, or-
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dered suddenly to the north run overland across the
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Gauls in a hurry; put in charge of one of these craft
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the legionaries -- a wonderful lot of handy men they
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must have been, too -- used to build, apparently by the
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hundred, in a month or two, if we may believe what
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we read. Imagine him here -- the very end of the
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world, a sea the colour of lead, a sky the colour of
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smoke, a kind of ship about as rigid as a concertina --
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and going up this river with stores, or orders, or what
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you like. Sand-banks, marshes, forests, savages, --
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precious little to eat fit for a civilized man, nothing but
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Thames water to drink. No Falernian wine here, no
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going ashore. Here and there a military camp lost in
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a wilderness, like a needle in a bundle of hay -- cold,
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fog, tempests, disease, exile, and death -- death skulk-
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ing in the air, in the water, in the bush. They must
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have been dying like flies here. Oh, yes -- he did it.
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Did it very well, too, no doubt, and without thinking
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much about it either, except afterwards to brag of
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what he had gone through in his time, perhaps. They
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were men enough to face the darkness. And perhaps
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he was cheered by keeping his eye on a chance of pro-
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motion to the fleet at Ravenna by and by, if he had
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good friends in Rome and survived the awful climate.
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Or think of a decent young citizen in a toga -- perhaps
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too much dice, you know -- coming out here in the
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train of some prefect, or tax-gatherer, or trader even,
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to mend his fortunes. Land in a swamp, march
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through the woods, and in some inland post feel the
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savagery, the utter savagery, had closed round him --
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all that mysterious life of the wilderness that stirs in
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the forest, in the jungles, in the hearts of wild men.
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There's no initiation either into such mysteries. He
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has to live in the midst of the incomprehensible,
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which is also detestable. And it has a fascination, too,
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that goes to work upon him. The fascination of the
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abomination -- you know, imagine the growing regrets,
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the longing to escape, the powerless disgust, the sur-
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render, the hate."
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He paused.
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"Mind," he began again, lifting one arm from the
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elbow, the palm of the hand outwards, so that, with
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his legs folded before him, he had the pose of a
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Buddha preaching in European clothes and without a
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lotus-flower -- "Mind, none of us would feel exactly
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like this. What saves us is efficiency -- the devotion to
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efficiency. But these chaps were not much account,
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really. They were no colonists; their administration
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was merely a squeeze, and nothing more, I suspect.
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They were conquerors, and for that you want only
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brute force -- nothing to boast of, when you have it,
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since your strength is just an accident arising from the
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weakness of others. They grabbed what they could get
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for the sake of what was to be got. It was just robbery
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with violence, aggravated murder on a great scale,
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and men going at it blind -- as is very proper for those
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who tackle a darkness. The conquest of the earth,
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which mostly means the taking it away from those
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who have a different complexion or slightly flatter
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noses than ourselves, is not a pretty thing when you
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look into it too much. What redeems it is the idea
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only. An idea at the back of it; not a sentimental pre-
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tence but an idea; and an unselfish belief in the idea --
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something you can set up, and bow down before, and
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offer a sacrifice to..."
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He broke off. Flames glided in the river, small
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green flames, red flames, white flames, pursuing, over-
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taking, joining, crossing each other -- then separating
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slowly or hastily. The traffic of the great city went on
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in the deepening night upon the sleepless river. We
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looked on, waiting patiently -- there was nothing else
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to do till the end of the flood; but it was only after a
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long silence, when he said, in a hesitating voice, "I
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suppose you fellows remember I did once turn fresh
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water sailor for a bit," that we knew we were fated,
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before the ebb began to run, to hear about one of
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Marlow's inconclusive experiences.
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"I don't want to bother you much with what hap-
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pened to me personally," he began, showing in this
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remark the weakness of many tellers of tales who
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seem so often unaware of what their audience would
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best like to hear; "yet to understand the effect of it on
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me you ought to know how I got out there, what I
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saw, how I went up that river to the place where I
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first met the poor chap. It was the farthest point of
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navigation and the culminating point of my experi-
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ence. It seemed somehow to throw a kind of light on
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everything about me -- and into my thoughts. It was
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sombre enough, too -- and pitiful -- not extraordinary
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in any way -- not very clear either. No, not very clear.
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And yet it seemed to throw a kind of light.
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"I had then, as you remember, just returned to
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London after a lot of Indian Ocean, Pacific, China
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Seas a regular dose of the East -- six years or so, and
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I was loafing about, hindering you fellows in your
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work and invading your homes, just as though I had
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got a heavenly mission to civilize you. It was very fine
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for a time, but after a bit I did get tired of resting.
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Then I began to look for a ship -- I should think the
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hardest work on earth. But the ships wouldn't even
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look at me. And I got tired of that game, too.
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"Now when I was a little chap I had a passion for
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maps. I would look for hours at South America, or
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Africa, or Australia, and lose myself in all the glories
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of exploration. At that time there were many blank
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spaces on the earth, and when I saw one that looked
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particularly inviting on a map (but they all look that)
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I would put my finger on it and say, 'When I grow
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up I will go there.' The North Pole was one of these
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places, I remember. Well, I haven't been there yet,
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and shall not try now. The glamour's off. Other places
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were scattered about the Equator, and in every sort of
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latitude all over the two hemispheres. I have been in
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some of them, and . . . well, we won't talk about
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that. But there was one yet -- the biggest, the most
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blank, so to speak -- that I had a hankering after.
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"True, by this time it was not a blank space any
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more. It had got filled since my boyhood with rivers
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and lakes and names. It had ceased to be a blank space
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of delightful mystery -- a white patch for a boy to
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dream gloriously over. It had become a place of dark-
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ness. But there was in it one river especially, a mighty
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big river, that you could see on the map, resembling
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an immense snake uncoiled, with its head in the sea, its
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body at rest curving afar over a vast country, and its
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tail lost in the depths of the land. And as I looked at
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the map of it in a shop-window, it fascinated me as a
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snake would a bird -- a silly little bird. Then I remem-
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bered there was a big concern, a Company for trade
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on that river. Dash it all! I thought to myself, they
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can't trade without using some kind of craft on that lot
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of fresh water -- steamboats! Why shouldn't I try to
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get charge of one? I went on along Fleet Street, but
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could not shake off the idea. The snake had charmed
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me.
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"You understand it was a Continental concern, that
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Trading society; but I have a lot of relations living on
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the Continent, because it's cheap and not so nasty as it
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looks, they say.
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"I am sorry to own I began to worry them. This
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was already a fresh departure for me. I was not used
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to get things that way, you know. I always went my
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own road and on my own legs where I had a mind to
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go. I wouldn't have believed it of myself; but, then --
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you see -- I felt somehow I must get there by hook or
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by crook. So I worried them. The men said 'My dear
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fellow,' and did nothing. Then -- would you believe
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it? -- I tried the women. I, Charlie Marlow, set the
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women to work -- to get a job. Heavens! We]l, you
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see, the notion drove me. I had an aunt, a dear enthu-
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siastic soul. She wrote: 'It will be delightful. I am
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ready to do anything, anything for you. It is a glorious
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idea. I know the wife of a very high personage in the
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Administration, and also a man who has lots of influ-
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ence with,' etc., etc. She was determined to make no
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end of fuss to get me appointed skipper of a river
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steamboat, if such was my fancy.
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"I got my appointment -- of course; and I got it
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very quick. It appears the Company had received news
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that one of their captains had been killed in a scuffle
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with the natives. This was my chance, and it made me
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the more anxious to go. It was only months and
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months afterwards, when I made the attempt to re-
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cover what was left of the body, that I heard the
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original quarrel arose from a misunderstanding about
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some hens. Yes, two black hens. Fresleven -- that was
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the fellow's name, a Dane -- thought himself wronged
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somehow in the bargain, so he went ashore and started
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to hammer the chief of the village with a stick. Oh,
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it didn't surprise me in the least to hear this, and at the
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same time to be told that Fresleven was the gentlest,
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quietest creature that ever walked on two legs. No
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doubt he was; but he had been a couple of years al-
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ready out there engaged in the noble cause, you know,
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and he probably felt the need at last of asserting his
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self-respect in some way. Therefore he whacked the
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old nigger mercilessly, while a big crowd of his people
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watched him, thunderstruck, till some man -- I was
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told the chief's son -- in desperation at hearing the old
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chap yell, made a tentative jab with a spear at the
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white man -- and of course it went quite easy between
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the shoulder-blades. Then the whole population
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cleared into the forest, expecting all kinds of calamities
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to happen, while, on the other hand, the steamer Fres-
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leven commanded left also in a bad panic, in charge of
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the engineer, I believe. Afterwards nobody seemed to
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trouble much about Fresleven's remains, till I got out
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and stepped into his shoes. I couldn't let it rest,
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though; but when an opportunity offered at last to
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meet my predecessor, the grass growing through his
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ribs was tall enough to hide his bones. They were all
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there. The supernatural being had not been touched
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after he fell. And the village was deserted, the huts
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gaped black, rotting, all askew within the fallen en-
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dosures. A calamity had come to it, sure enough. The
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people had vanished. Mad terror had scattered them,
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men, women, and children, through the bush, and
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they had never returned. What became of the hens I
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don't know either. I should think the cause of progress
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got them, anyhow. However, through this glorious
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affair I got my appointment, before I had fairly begun
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to hope for it.
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"I flew around like mad to get ready, and before
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forty-eight hours I was crossing the Channel to snow
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myself to my employers, and sign the contract. In a
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very few hours I arrived in a city that always makes
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me think of a whited sepulchre. Prejudice no doubt. I
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had no difficulty in finding the Company's offices. It
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was the biggest thing in the town, and everybody I
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met was full of it. They were going to run an over sea
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empire, and make no end of coin by trade.
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"A narrow and deserted street in deep shadow, high
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houses, innumerable windows with venetian blinds, a
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dead silence, grass sprouting between the stones, im-
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posing carriage archways right and left, immense
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double doors standing ponderously ajar. I slipped
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through one of these cracks, went up a swept and un-
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garnished staircase, as arid as a desert, and opened the
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first door I came to. Two women, one fat and the
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other slim, sat on straw-bottomed chairs, knitting black
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wool. The slim one got up and walked straight at me
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-- still knitting with downcast eyes -- and only just as
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I began to think of getting out of her way, as you
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would for a somnambulist, stood still, and looked up.
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Her dress was as plain as an umbrella-cover, and she
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turned round without a word and preceded me into a
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waiting-room. I gave my name, and looked about.
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Deal table in the middle, plain chairs all round the
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walls, on one end a large shining map, marked with
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all the colours of a rainbow. There was a vast amount
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of red -- good to see at any time, because one knows
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that some real work is done in there, a deuce of a lot
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of blue, a little green, smears of orange, and, on
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the East Coast, a purple patch, to show where the
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jolly pioneers of progress drink the jolly lager-beer.
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However, I wasn't going into any of these. I was
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going into the yellow. Dead in the centre. And the
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river was there -- fascinating -- deadly -- like a snake.
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Ough! A door opened, a white-haired secretarial head,
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but wearing a compassionate expression, appeared, and
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a skinny forefinger beckoned me into the sanctuary. Its
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light was dim, and a heavy writing-desk squatted in
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the middle. From behind that structure came out an
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impression of pale plumpness in a frock-coat. The
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great man himself. He was five feet six, I should
|
|
judge, and had his grip on the handle-end of ever so
|
|
many millions. He shook hands, I fancy, murmured
|
|
vaguely, Was satisfied with my French. Bon voyage.
|
|
"In about forty-five seconds I found myself again in
|
|
the waiting-room with the compassionate secretary,
|
|
who, full of desolation and sympathy, made me sign
|
|
some document. I believe I undertook amongst other
|
|
things not to disclose any trade secrets. Well, I am
|
|
not going to.
|
|
"I began to feel slightly uneasy. You know I am
|
|
not used to such ceremonies, and there was something
|
|
ominous in the atmosphere. It was just as though I
|
|
had been let into some conspiracy -- I don't know --
|
|
something not quite right; and I was glad to get out.
|
|
In the outer room the two women knitted black wool
|
|
feverishly. People were arriving, and the younger one
|
|
was walking back and forth introducing them. The
|
|
old one sat on her chair. Her flat cloth slippers were
|
|
propped up on a foot-warmer, and a cat reposed on her
|
|
lap. She wore a starched white affair on her head, had
|
|
a wart on one cheek, and silver-rimmed spectacles hung
|
|
on the tip of her nose. She glanced at me above the
|
|
glasses. The swift and indifferent placidity of that
|
|
look troubled me. Two youths with foolish and cheery
|
|
countenances were being piloted over, and she threw at
|
|
them the same quick glance of unconcerned wisdom.
|
|
She seemed to know all about them and about me, too.
|
|
An eerie feeling came over me. She seemed uncanny
|
|
and fateful. Often far away there I thought of these
|
|
two, guarding the door of Darkness, knitting black
|
|
wool as for a warm pall, one introducing, introducing
|
|
continuously to the unknown, the other scrutinizing
|
|
the cheery and foolish faces with unconcerned old
|
|
eyes. Ave! Old knittter of black wool. Morituri te
|
|
salutant. Not many of those she looked at ever saw
|
|
her again -- not half, by a long way.
|
|
"There was yet a visit to the doctor. 'A simple for-
|
|
mality,' assured me the secretary, with an air of taking
|
|
an immense part in all my sorrows. Accordingly a
|
|
young chap wearing his hat over the left eyebrow,
|
|
some clerk I suppose -- there must have been clerks
|
|
in the business, though the house was as still as a
|
|
house in a city of the dead -- came from somewhere
|
|
up-stairs, and led me forth. He was shabby and care-
|
|
less, with inkstains on the sleeves of his jacket, and
|
|
his cravat was large and billowy, under a chin shaped
|
|
like the toe of an old boot. It was a little too early for
|
|
the doctor, so I proposed a drink, and thereupon he
|
|
developed a vein of joviality. As we sat over our ver-
|
|
mouths he glorified the Company's business, and by
|
|
and by I expressed casually my surprise at him not
|
|
going out there. He became very cool and collected
|
|
all at once. 'I am not such a fool as I look, quoth
|
|
Plato to his disciples,' he said sententiously, emptied
|
|
his glass with great resolution, and we rose.
|
|
"The old doctor felt my pulse, evidently thinking
|
|
of something else the while. 'Good, good for there,' he
|
|
mumbled, and then with a certain eagerness asked me
|
|
whether I would let him measure my head. Rather
|
|
surprised, I said Yes, when he produced a thing like
|
|
calipers and got the dimensions back and front and
|
|
every way, taking notes carefully. He was an un-
|
|
shaven little man in a threadbare coat like a gaberdine,
|
|
with his feet in slippers, and I thought him a harmless
|
|
fool. 'I always ask leave, in the interests of science, to
|
|
measure the crania of those going out there,' he said.
|
|
'And when they come back, too?' I asked. 'Oh, I never
|
|
see them,' he remarked; 'and, moreover, the changes
|
|
take place inside, you know.' He smiled, as if at some
|
|
quiet joke. 'So you are going out there. Famous.
|
|
Interesting, too.' He gave me a searching glance, and
|
|
made another note. 'Ever any madness in your fam-
|
|
ily?' he asked, in a matter-of-fact tone. I felt very
|
|
annoyed. 'Is that question in the interests of science,
|
|
too?' 'It would be,' he said, without taking notice of
|
|
my irritation, 'interesting for science to watch the
|
|
mental changes of individuals, on the spot, but . . .'
|
|
'Are you an alienist?' I interrupted. 'Every doctor
|
|
should be -- a little,' answered that original, imperturb-
|
|
ably. 'I have a little theory which you messieurs who
|
|
go out there must help me to prove. This is my share
|
|
in the advantages my country shall reap from the
|
|
possession of such a magnificent dependency. The
|
|
mere wealth I leave to others. Pardon my questions,
|
|
but you are the first Englishman coming under my
|
|
observation . . .' I hastened to assure him I was not
|
|
in the least typical. 'If I were,' said I, 'I wouldn't be
|
|
talking like this with you.' 'What you say is rather
|
|
profound, and probably erroneous,' he said, with a
|
|
laugh. 'Avoid irritation more than exposure to the
|
|
sun. Adieu. How do you English say, eh? Good-bye.
|
|
Ah! Good-bye. Adieu. In the tropics one must before
|
|
everything keep calm.' . . . He lifted a warning
|
|
forefinger. . . 'Du calme, du calme, Adieu.'
|
|
"One thing more remained to do -- say good-bye to
|
|
my excellent aunt. I found her triumphant. I had a
|
|
cup of tea -- the last decent cup of tea for many days --
|
|
and in a room that most soothingly looked just as you
|
|
would expect a lady's drawing-room to look, we had a
|
|
long quiet chat by the fireside. In the course of these
|
|
confidences it became quite plain to me I had been
|
|
represented to the wife of the high dignitary, and
|
|
goodness knows to how many more people besides, as
|
|
an exceptional and gifted creature -- a piece of good
|
|
fortune for the Company -- a man you don't get hold
|
|
of every day. Good heavens! and I was going to take
|
|
charge of a two-penny-half-penny river-steamboat with
|
|
a penny whistle attached! It appeared, however, I
|
|
was also one of the Workers, with a capital -- you
|
|
know. Something like an emissary of light, something
|
|
like a lower sort of apostle. There had been a lot of
|
|
such rot let loose in print and talk just about that time,
|
|
and the excellent woman, living right in the rush of
|
|
all that humbug, got carried off her feet. She talked
|
|
about 'weaning those ignorant millions from their
|
|
horrid ways,' till, upon my word, she made me quite
|
|
uncomfortable. I ventured to hint that the Company
|
|
was run for profit.
|
|
" 'You forget, dear Charlie, that the labourer is
|
|
worthy of his hire,' she said, brightly. It's queer how
|
|
out of touch with truth women are. They live in a
|
|
world of their own, and there has never been anything
|
|
like it, and never can be. It is too beautiful altogether,
|
|
and if they were to set it up it would go to pieces
|
|
before the first sunset. Some confounded fact we men
|
|
have been living contentedly with ever since the day
|
|
of creation would start up and knock the whole thing
|
|
over.
|
|
"After this I got embraced, told to wear flannel, be
|
|
sure to write often, and so on -- and I left. In the
|
|
street -- I don't know why -- a queer feeling came to me
|
|
that I was an impostor. Odd thing that I, who used to
|
|
clear out for any part of the world at twenty-four
|
|
hours' notice, with less thought than most men give to
|
|
the crossing of a street, had a moment -- I won't say
|
|
of hesitation, but of startled pause, before this com-
|
|
monplace affair. The best way I can explain it to you
|
|
is by saying that, for a second or two, I felt as though,
|
|
instead of going to the centre of a continent, I were
|
|
about to set off for the centre of the earth.
|
|
"I left in a French steamer, and she called in every
|
|
blamed port they have out there, for, as far as I
|
|
could see, the sole purpose of landing soldiers and
|
|
custom-house officers. I watched the coast. Watching a
|
|
coast as it slips by the ship is like thinking about an
|
|
enigma. There it is before you -- smiling, frowning,
|
|
inviting, grand, mean, insipid, or savage, and always
|
|
mute with an air of whispering, 'Come and find out.'
|
|
This one was almost featureless, as if still in the mak-
|
|
ing, with an aspect of monotonous grimness. The edge
|
|
of a colossal jungle, so dark-green as to be almost
|
|
black, fringed with white surf, ran straight, like a
|
|
ruled line, far, far away along a blue sea whose glitter
|
|
was blurred by a creeping mist. The sun was fierce,
|
|
the land seemed to glisten and drip with steam. Here
|
|
and there greyish-whitish specks showed up clustered
|
|
inside the white surf, with a flag fiying above them
|
|
perhaps. Settlements some centuries old, and still no
|
|
bigger than pinheads on the untouched expanse of
|
|
their background. We pounded along, stopped, landed
|
|
soldiers; went on, landed custom-house clerks to
|
|
levy toll in what looked like a God-forsaken wilder-
|
|
ness, with a tin shed and a flag-pole lost in it; landed
|
|
more soldiers to take care of the custom-house clerks,
|
|
presumably. Some, I heard, got drowned in the surf;
|
|
but whether they did or not, nobody seemed particu-
|
|
larly to care. They were just flung out there, and on
|
|
we went. Every day the coast looked the same, as
|
|
though we had not moved; but we passed various
|
|
places -- trading places with names like Gran' Bas-
|
|
sam, Little Popo; names that seemed to belong to
|
|
some sordid farce acted in front of a sinister back-cloth.
|
|
The idleness of a passenger, my isolation amongst all
|
|
these men with whom I had no point of contact, the
|
|
oily and languid sea, the uniform sombreness of the
|
|
coast, seemed to keep me away from the truth of things,
|
|
within the toil of a mournful and senseless delusion.
|
|
The voice of the surf heard now and then was a posi-
|
|
tive pleasure, like the speech of a brother. It was some-
|
|
thing natural, that had its reason, that had a meaning
|
|
Now and then a boat from the shore gave one a mo-
|
|
mentary contact with reality. It was paddled by
|
|
black fellows. You could see from afar the white of
|
|
their eyeballs glistening. They shouted, sang; their
|
|
bodies streamed with perspiration; they had faces
|
|
like grotesque masks -- these chaps; but they had bone,
|
|
muscle, a wild vitality, an intense energy of move-
|
|
ment, that was as natural and true as the surf along
|
|
their coast. They wanted no excuse for being there.
|
|
They were a great comfort to look at. For a time I
|
|
would feel I belonged still to a world of straightfor-
|
|
ward facts; but the feeling would not last long. Some-
|
|
thing would turn up to scare it away. Once, I remem-
|
|
ber, we came upon a man-of-war anchored off the
|
|
coast. There wasn't even a shed there, and she was
|
|
shelling the bush. It appears the French had one of
|
|
their wars going on thereabouts. Her ensign dropped
|
|
limp like a rag; the muzzles of the long six-inch guns
|
|
stuck out all over the low hull; the greasy, slimy swell
|
|
swung her up lazily and let her down, swaying her
|
|
thin masts. In the empty immensity of earth, sky, and
|
|
water, there she was, incomprehensible, firing into a
|
|
continent. Pop, would go one of the six-inch guns; a
|
|
small flame would dart and vanish, a little white smoke
|
|
would disappear, a tiny projectile would give a feeble
|
|
screech -- and nothing happened. Nothing could hap-
|
|
pen. There was a touch of insanity in the proceeding,
|
|
a sense of lugubrious drollery in the sight; and it was
|
|
not dissipated by somebody on board assuring me
|
|
earnestly there was a camp of natives -- he called them
|
|
enemies! -- hidden out of sight somewhere.
|
|
** "We gave her her letters (I heard the men in that
|
|
lonely ship were dying of fever at the rate of three
|
|
a day) and went on. We called at some more places
|
|
with farcical names, where the merry dance of death
|
|
and trade goes on in a still and earthy atmosphere as
|
|
of an overheated catacomb; all along the formless
|
|
coast bordered by dangerous surf, as if Nature herself
|
|
had tried to ward off intruders; in and out of rivers,
|
|
streams of death in life, whose banks were rotting into
|
|
mud, whose waters, thickened into slime, invaded the
|
|
contorted mangroves, that seemed to writhe at us
|
|
in the extremity of an impotent despair. Nowhere
|
|
did we stop long enough to get a particularized im-
|
|
pression, but the general sense of vague and oppres-
|
|
sive wonder grew upon me. It was like a weary
|
|
pilgrimage amongst hints for nightmares
|
|
"It was upward of thirty days before I saw the
|
|
mouth of the big river. We anchored off the seat of
|
|
the government. But my work would not begin till
|
|
some two hundred miles farther on. So as soon as I
|
|
could I made a start for a place thirty miles higher up.
|
|
"I had my passage on a little sea-going steamer.
|
|
Her captain was a Swede, and knowing me for a
|
|
seaman, invited me on the bridge. He was a young
|
|
man, lean, fair, and morose, with lanky hair and a
|
|
shuffling gait. As we left the miserable little wharf,
|
|
he tossed his head contemptuously at the shore. 'Been
|
|
living there?' he asked. I said, 'Yes.' 'Fine lot these
|
|
government chaps -- are they not?' he went on, speak-
|
|
ing English with great precision and considerable bit-
|
|
terness. 'It is funny what some people will do for a
|
|
few francs a month. I wonder what becomes of that
|
|
kind when it goes upcountry?' I said to him I expected
|
|
to see that soon. 'So-o-o!' he exclaimed. He shuffled
|
|
athwart, keeping one eye ahead vigilantly. 'Don't be
|
|
too sure,' he continued. 'The other day I took up a
|
|
man who hanged himself on the road. He was a
|
|
Swede, too.' 'Hanged himself! Why, in God's name?'
|
|
I cried. He kept on looking out watchfully. 'Who
|
|
knows? The sun too much for him, or the country
|
|
perhaps.'
|
|
"At last we opened a reach. A rocky cliff appeared,
|
|
mounds of turned-up earth by the shore, houses on a
|
|
hill, others with iron roofs, amongst a waste of exca-
|
|
vations, or hanging to the declivity. A continuous noise
|
|
of the rapids above hovered over this scene of in-
|
|
habited devastation. A lot of people, mostly black
|
|
and naked, moved about like ants. A jetty projected
|
|
into the river. A blinding sunlight drowned all this
|
|
at times in a sudden recrudescence of glare. 'There's
|
|
your Company's station,' said the Swede, pointing to
|
|
three wooden barrack-like structures on the rocky
|
|
slope. 'I will send your things up. Four boxes did you
|
|
say? So. Farewell.'
|
|
"I came upon a boiler wallowing in the grass, then
|
|
found a path leading up the hill. It turned aside for
|
|
the boulders, and also for an undersized railway-truck
|
|
lying there on its back with its wheels in the air. One
|
|
was off. The thing looked as dead as the carcass of
|
|
some animal. I came upon more pieces of decaying
|
|
machinery, a stack of rusty rails. To the left a clump
|
|
of trees made a shady spot, where dark things seemed
|
|
to stir feebly. I blinked, the path was steep. A horn
|
|
tooted to the right, and I saw the black people run. A
|
|
heavy and dull detonation shook the ground, a puff
|
|
of smoke came out of the cliff, and that was all. No
|
|
change appeared on the face of the rock. They were
|
|
building a railway. The cliff was not in the way or
|
|
anything; but this objectless blasting was all the work
|
|
going on.
|
|
"A slight clinking behind me made me turn my
|
|
head. Six black men advanced in a file, toiling up the
|
|
path. They walked erect and slow, balancing small
|
|
baskets full of earth on their heads, and the clink
|
|
kept time with their footsteps. Black rags were wound
|
|
round their loins, and the short ends behind waggled
|
|
to and fro like tails. I could see every rib, the joints of
|
|
their limbs were like knots in a rope; each had an
|
|
iron collar on his neck, and all were connected together
|
|
with a chain whose bights swung between them,
|
|
rhythmically clinking. Another report from the cliff
|
|
made me think suddenly of that ship of war I had
|
|
seen firing into a continent. It was the same kind of
|
|
ominous voice; but these men could by no stretch of
|
|
imagination be called enemies. They were called
|
|
criminals, and the outraged law, like the bursting
|
|
shells, had come to them, an insoluble mystery from
|
|
the sea. All their meagre breasts panted together, the
|
|
violently dilated nostrils quivered, the eyes stared
|
|
stonily uphill. They passed me within six inches, with-
|
|
out a glance, with that complete, deathlike indifference
|
|
of unhappy savages. Behind this raw matter one of the
|
|
reclaimed, the product of the new forces at work,
|
|
strolled despondently, carrying a rifle by its middle.
|
|
He had a uniform jacket with one button off, and
|
|
seeing a white man on the path, hoisted his weapon to
|
|
his shoulder with alacrity. This was simple prudence,
|
|
white men being so much alike at a distance that he
|
|
could not tell who I might be. He was speedily re-
|
|
assured, and with a large, white, rascally grin, and a
|
|
glance at his charge, seemed to take me into partner-
|
|
ship in his exalted trust. After all, I also was a part of
|
|
the great cause of these high and just proceedings.
|
|
"Instead of going up, I turned and descended to the
|
|
left. My idea was to let that chain-gang get out of
|
|
sight before I climbed the hill. You know I am not
|
|
particularly tender; I've had to strike and to fend off.
|
|
I've had to resist and to attack sometimes -- that's only
|
|
one way of resisting -- without counting the exact cost,
|
|
according to the demands of such sort of life as I had
|
|
blundered into. I've seen the devil of violence, and
|
|
the devil of greed, and the devil of hot desire; but,
|
|
by all the stars! these were strong, lusty, red-eyed
|
|
devils, that swayed and drove men -- men, I tell you.
|
|
But as I stood on this hillside, I foresaw that in the
|
|
blinding sunshine of that land I would become ac-
|
|
quainted with a flabby, pretending, weak-eyed devil
|
|
of a rapacious and pitiless folly. How insidious he
|
|
could be, too, I was only to find out several months
|
|
later and a thousand miles farther. For a moment I
|
|
stood appalled, as though by a warning. Finally I
|
|
descended the hill, obliquely, towards the trees I had
|
|
seen.
|
|
"I avoided a vast artificial hole somebody had been
|
|
digging on the slope, the purpose of which I found it
|
|
impossible to divine. It wasn't a quarry or a sandpit,
|
|
anyhow. It was just a hole. It might have been con-
|
|
nected with the philanthropic desire of giving the
|
|
criminals something to do. I don't know. Then I
|
|
nearly fell into a very narrow ravine, almost no more
|
|
than a scar in the hillside. I discovered that a lot of
|
|
imported drainage-pipes for the settlement had been
|
|
tumbled in there. There wasn't one that was not
|
|
broken. It was a wanton smash-up. At last I got under
|
|
the trees. My purpose was to stroll into the shade for
|
|
a moment; but no sooner within than it seemed to me
|
|
I had stepped into the gloomy circle of some Inferno.
|
|
The rapids were near, and an uninterrupted, uniform,
|
|
headlong, rushing noise filled the mournful stillness
|
|
of the grove, where not a breath stirred, not a leaf
|
|
moved, with a mysterious sound -- as though the tear-
|
|
ing pace of the launched earth had suddenly become
|
|
audible.
|
|
"Black shapes crouched, lay, sat between the trees
|
|
leaning against the trunks, clinging to the earth, half
|
|
coming out, half effased within the dim light, in all
|
|
the attitudes of pain, abandonment, and despair. An-
|
|
other mine on the cliff went off, followed by a slight
|
|
shudder of the soil under my feet. The work was
|
|
going on. The work! And this was the place where
|
|
some of the helpers had withdrawn to die.
|
|
"They were dying slowly -- it was very clear. They
|
|
were not enemies, they were not criminals, they were
|
|
nothing earthly now -- nothing but black shadows of
|
|
disease and starvation, lying confusedly in the green-
|
|
ish gloom. Brought from all the recesses of the coast
|
|
in all the legality of time contracts, lost in uncon-
|
|
genial surroundings, fed on unfamiliar food, they
|
|
sickened, became inefficient, and were then allowed
|
|
to crawl away and rest. These moribund shapes were
|
|
free as air -- and nearly as thin. I began to distinguish
|
|
the gleam of the eyes under the trees. Then, glancing
|
|
down, I saw a face near my hand. The black bones
|
|
reclined at full length with one shoulder against the
|
|
tree, and slowly the eyelids rose and the sunken eyes
|
|
looked up at me, enormous and vacant, a kind of
|
|
blind, white flicker in the depths of the orbs, which
|
|
died out slowly. The man seemed young -- almost a
|
|
boy -- but you know with them it's hard to tell. I
|
|
found nothing else to do but to offer him one of my
|
|
good Swede's ship's biscuits I had in my pocket. The
|
|
fingers closed slowly on it and held -- there was no
|
|
other movement and no other glance. He had tied a
|
|
bit of white worsted round his neck -- Why? Where
|
|
did he get it? Was it a badge -- an ornament -- charm
|
|
-- a propitiatory act? Was there any idea at all con-
|
|
nected with it? It looked startling round his black
|
|
neck, this bit of white thread from beyond the seas.
|
|
"Near the same tree two more bundles of acute
|
|
angles sat with their legs drawn up. One, with his
|
|
chin propped on his knees, stared at nothing, in an
|
|
intolerable and appalling manner: his brother phan-
|
|
tom rested its forehead, as if overcome with a great
|
|
weariness; and all about others were scattered in
|
|
every pose of contorted collapse, as in some picture of
|
|
a massacre or a pestilence. While I stood horror-
|
|
struck, one of these creatures rose to his hands and
|
|
knees, and went off on all-fours towards the river to
|
|
drink. He lapped out of his hand, then sat up in the
|
|
sunlight, crossing his shins in front of him, and after
|
|
a time let his woolly head fall on his breastbone.
|
|
"I didn't want any more loitering in the shade, and
|
|
I made haste towards the station. When near the
|
|
buildings I met a white man, in such an unexpected
|
|
elegance of getup that in the first moment I took him
|
|
for a sort of vision. I saw a high starched collar,
|
|
white cuffs, a light alpaca jacket, snowy trousers, a
|
|
clean necktie, and varnished boots. No hat. Hair
|
|
parted, brushed, oiled, under a green-lined parasol
|
|
held in a big white hand. He was amazing, and had a
|
|
penholder behind his ear.
|
|
"I shook hands with this miracle, and I learned he
|
|
was the Company's chief accountant, and that all the
|
|
bookkeeping was done at this station. He had come
|
|
out for a moment, he said, 'to get a breath of fresh
|
|
air.' The expression sounded wonderfully odd, with
|
|
its suggestion of sedentary desk-life. I wouldn't have
|
|
mentioned the fellow to you at all, only it was from
|
|
his lips that I first heard the name of the man who is
|
|
so indissolubly connected with the memories of that
|
|
time. Moreover, I respected the fellow. Yes; I re-
|
|
spected his collars, his vast cuffs, his brushed hair. His
|
|
appearance was certainly that of a hairdresser's
|
|
dummy; but in the great demoralization of the land
|
|
he kept up his appearance. That's backbone. His
|
|
starched collars and got-up shirt-fronts were achieve-
|
|
ments of character. He had been out nearly three
|
|
years; and later, I could not help asking him how he
|
|
managed to sport such linen. He had just the faintest
|
|
blush, and said modestly, 'I've been teaching one of
|
|
the native women about the station. It was difficult.
|
|
She had a distaste for the work.' Thus this man had
|
|
verily accomplished something. And he was devoted
|
|
to his books, which were in apple-pie order.
|
|
"Everything else in the station was in a muddle --
|
|
heads, things, buildings. Strings of dusty niggers with
|
|
splay feet arrived and departed; a stream of manu-
|
|
factured goods, rubbishy cottons, beads, and brass-
|
|
wire set into the depths of darkness, and in return
|
|
came a precious trickle of ivory.
|
|
"I had to wait in the station for ten days -- an
|
|
eternity. I lived in a hut in the yard, but to be out of
|
|
the chaos I would sometimes get into the accountant's
|
|
office. It was built of horizontal planks, and so badly
|
|
put together that, as he bent over his high desk, he
|
|
was barred from neck to heels with narrow strips of
|
|
sunlight. There was no need to open the big shutter to
|
|
see. It was hot there, too; big flies buzzed fiendishly,
|
|
and did not sting, but stabbed. I sat generally on the
|
|
floor, while, of faultless appearance (and even slightly
|
|
scented), perching on a high stool, he wrote, he wrote.
|
|
Sometimes he stood up for exercise. When a truckle-
|
|
bed with a sick man (some invalid agent from up-
|
|
country) was put in there, he exhibited a gentle an-
|
|
noyance. 'The groans of this sick person,' he said,
|
|
'distract my attention. And without that it is ex-
|
|
tremely difficult to guard against clerical errors in
|
|
this climate.'
|
|
"One day he remarked, without lifting his head,
|
|
'In the interior you will no doubt meet Mr. Kurtz.'
|
|
On my asking who Mr. Kurtz was, he said he was a
|
|
first-class agent; and seeing my disappointment at
|
|
this information, he added slowly, laying down his
|
|
pen, 'He is a very remarkable person.' Further ques-
|
|
tions elicited from him that Mr. Kurtz was at present
|
|
in charge of a trading-post, a very important one, in
|
|
the true ivory-country, at 'the very bottom of there.
|
|
Sends in as much ivory as all the others put together
|
|
. . .' He began to write again. The sick man was too
|
|
ill to groan. The flies buzzed in a great peace.
|
|
"Suddenly there was a growing murmur of voices
|
|
and a great tramping of feet. A caravan had come in.
|
|
A violent babble of uncouth sounds burst out on the
|
|
other side of the planks. All the carriers were speaking
|
|
together, and in the midst of the uproar the lament-
|
|
able voice of the chief agent was heard 'giving it up'
|
|
tearfully for the twentieth time that day.... He
|
|
rose slowly. 'What a frightful row,' he said. He
|
|
crossed the room gently to look at the sick man, and
|
|
returning, said to me, 'He does not hear.' 'What!
|
|
Dead?' I asked, startled. 'No, not yet,' he answered,
|
|
with great composure. Then, alluding with a toss of
|
|
the head to the tumult in the station-yard, 'When one
|
|
has got to make correct entries, one comes to hate
|
|
those savages -- hate them to the death.' He remained
|
|
thoughtful for a moment. 'When you see Mr. Kurtz'
|
|
he went on, 'tell him from me that everything here' --
|
|
he glanced at the deck -- 'is very satisfactory. I don't
|
|
like to write to him -- with those messengers of ours
|
|
you never know who may get hold of your letter -- at
|
|
that Central Station.' He stared at me for a moment
|
|
with his mild, bulging eyes. 'Oho, he will go far, very
|
|
far,' he began again. 'He will be a somebody in the
|
|
Administration before long. They, above -- the Coun-
|
|
cil in Europe, you know -- mean him to be.'
|
|
"He turned to his work. The noise outside had
|
|
ceased, and presently in going out I stopped at the
|
|
door. In the steady buzz of flies the homeward-bound
|
|
agent was lying flushed and insensible; the other,
|
|
bent over his books, was making correct entries of
|
|
perfectly correct transactions; and fifty feet below the
|
|
doorstep I could see the still treetops of the grove of
|
|
death.
|
|
"Next day I left that station at last, with a caravan
|
|
of sixty men, for a two-hundred-mile tramp.
|
|
"No use telling you much about that. Paths, paths,
|
|
everywhere; a stamped-in network of paths spreading
|
|
over the empty land, through the long grass, through
|
|
burnt grass, through thickets, down and up chilly
|
|
ravines, up and down stony hills ablaze with heat;
|
|
and a solitude, a solitude, nobody, not a hut. The
|
|
population had cleared out a long time ago. Well, if
|
|
a lot of mysterious niggers armed with all kinds of
|
|
fearful weapons suddenly took to travelling on the
|
|
road between Deal and Gravesend, catching the yo-
|
|
kels right and left to carry heavy loads for them, I
|
|
fancy every farm and cottage thereabouts would
|
|
get empty very soon. Only here the dwellings were
|
|
gone, too. Still I passed through several abandoned
|
|
villages. There's something pathetically childish in
|
|
the ruins of grass walls. Day after day, with the stamp
|
|
and shuffle of sixty pair of bare feet behind me, each
|
|
pair under a 60-lb. load. Camp, cook, sleep, strike
|
|
camp, march. Now and then a carrier dead in harness,
|
|
at rest in the long grass near the path, with an empty
|
|
water-gourd and his long staff lying by his side. A
|
|
great silence around and above. Perhaps on some
|
|
quiet night the tremor of far-off drums, sinking, swell-
|
|
ing, a tremor vast, faint; a sound weird, appealing,
|
|
suggestive, and wild -- and perhaps with as profound
|
|
a meaning as the sound of bells in a Christian country.
|
|
Once a white man in an unbuttoned uniform, camping
|
|
on the path with an armed escort of lank Zanzibaris,
|
|
very hospitable and festive -- not to say drunk. Was
|
|
looking after the upkeep of the road, he declared.
|
|
Can't say I saw any road or any upkeep, unless the
|
|
body of a middle-aged negro, with a bullet-hole in the
|
|
forehead, upon which I absolutely stumbled three
|
|
miles farther on, may be considered as a permanent
|
|
improvement. I had a white companion, too, not a bad
|
|
chap, but rather too fleshy and with the exasperating
|
|
habit of fainting on the hot hillsides, miles away from
|
|
the least bit of shade and water. Annoying, you know,
|
|
to hold your own coat like a parasol over a man's
|
|
head while he is coming to. I couldn't help asking him
|
|
once what he meant by coming there at all. 'To make
|
|
money, of course. What do you think?' he said, scorn-
|
|
fully. Then he got fever, and had to be carried in a
|
|
hammock slung under a pole. As he weighed sixteen
|
|
stone I had no end of rows with the carriers. They
|
|
jibbed, ran away, sneaked off with their loads in the
|
|
night -- quite a mutiny. So, one evening, I made a
|
|
speech in English with gestures, not one of which was
|
|
lost to the sixty pairs of eyes before me, and the next
|
|
morning I started the hammock off in front all right.
|
|
An hour afterwards I came upon the whole concern
|
|
wrecked in a bush -- man, hammock, groans, blankets,
|
|
horrors. The heavy pole had skinned his poor nose.
|
|
He was very anxious for me to kill somebody, but
|
|
there wasn't the shadow of a carrier near. I remem-
|
|
bered the old doctor -- 'It would be interesting for
|
|
science to watch the mental changes of individuals, on
|
|
the spot.' I felt I was becoming scientifically interest-
|
|
ing. However, all that is to no purpose. On the fif-
|
|
teenth day I came in sight of the big river again, and
|
|
hobbled into the Central Station. It was on a back
|
|
water surrounded by scrub and forest, with a pretty
|
|
border of smelly mud on one side, and on the three
|
|
others enclosed by a crazy fence of rushes. A ne-
|
|
glected gap was all the gate it had, and the first glance
|
|
at the place was enough to let you see the flabby devil
|
|
was running that show. White men with long staves in
|
|
their hands appeared languidly from amongst the
|
|
buildings, strolling up to take a look at me, and then
|
|
retired out of sight somewhere. One of them, a stout,
|
|
excitable chap with black moustaches, informed me
|
|
with great volubility and many digressions, as soon
|
|
as I told him who I was, that my steamer was at the
|
|
bottom of the river. I was thunderstruck. What, how,
|
|
why? Oh, it was 'all right.' The 'manager himself'
|
|
was there. All quite correct. 'Everybody had behaved
|
|
splendidly! splendidly!' -- 'you must,' he said in agi-
|
|
tation, 'go and see the general manager at once. He is
|
|
waiting!'
|
|
"I did not see the real significance of that wreck at
|
|
once. I fancy I see it now, but I am not sure not at
|
|
all. Certainly the affair was too stupid -- when I think
|
|
of it -- to be altogether natural. Still . . . But at the
|
|
moment it presented itself simply as a confounded
|
|
nuisance. The steamer was sunk. They had started
|
|
two days before in a sudden hurry up the river with
|
|
the manager on board, in charge of some volunteer
|
|
skipper, and before they had been out three hours
|
|
they tore the bottom out of her on stones, and she
|
|
sank near the south bank. I asked myself what I was
|
|
to do there, now my boat was lost. As a matter of fact,
|
|
I had plenty to do in fishing my command out of the
|
|
river. I had to set about it the very next day. That,
|
|
and the repairs when I brought the pieces to the sta-
|
|
tion, took some months.
|
|
"My first interview with the manager was curious.
|
|
He did not ask me to sit down after my twenty-mile
|
|
walk that morning. He was commonplace in com-
|
|
plexion, in feature, in manners, and in voice. He was
|
|
of middle size and of ordinary build. His eyes, of the
|
|
usual blue, were perhaps remarkably cold, and he
|
|
certainly could make his glance fall on one as trench-
|
|
ant and heavy as an axe. But even at these times the
|
|
rest of his person seemed to disclaim the intention.
|
|
Otherwise there was only an indefinable, faint expres-
|
|
sion of his lips, something stealthy -- a smile -- not a
|
|
smile -- I remember it, but I can't explain. It was un-
|
|
conscious, this smile was, though just after he had
|
|
said something it got intensified for an instant. It
|
|
came at the end of his speeches like a seal applied on
|
|
the words to make the meaning of the commonest
|
|
phrase appear absolutely inscrutable. He was a com-
|
|
mon trader, from his youth up employed in these
|
|
parts -- nothing more. He was obeyed, yet he inspired
|
|
neither love nor fear, nor even respect. He inspired
|
|
uneasiness. That was it! Uneasiness. Not a definite
|
|
mistrust -- just uneasiness -- nothing more. You have
|
|
no idea how effective such a . . . a . . . faculty
|
|
can be. He had no genius for organizing, for initiative,
|
|
or for order even. That was evident in such things as
|
|
the deplorable state of the station. He had no learn-
|
|
ing, and no intelligence. His position had come to him
|
|
-- why? Perhaps because he was never ill . . . He
|
|
had served three terms of three years out there . . .
|
|
Because triumphant health in the general rout of con-
|
|
stitutions is a kind of power in itself. When he went
|
|
home on leave he rioted on a large scale -- pompously.
|
|
Jack ashore -- with a difference -- in externals only.
|
|
This one could gather from his casual talk. He origi-
|
|
nated nothing, he could keep the routine going --
|
|
that's all. But he was great. He was great by this little
|
|
thing that it was impossible to tell what could control
|
|
such a man. He never gave that secret away. Perhaps
|
|
there was nothing within him. Such a suspicion made
|
|
one pause -- for out there there were no external
|
|
checks. Once when various tropical diseases had laid
|
|
low almost every 'agent' in the station, he was heard
|
|
to say, 'Men who come out here should have no en-
|
|
trails.' He sealed the utterance with that smile of his,
|
|
as though it had been a door opening into a darkness
|
|
he had in his keeping. You fancied you had seen
|
|
things -- but the seal was on. When annoyed at meal-
|
|
times by the constant quarrels of the white men about
|
|
precedence, he ordered an immense round table to be
|
|
made, for which a special house had to be built. This
|
|
was the station's mess-room. Where he sat was the
|
|
first place -- the rest were nowhere. One felt this to be
|
|
his unalterable conviction. He was neither civil nor
|
|
uncivil. He was quiet. He allowed his 'boy' -- an over-
|
|
fed young negro from the coast -- to treat the white
|
|
men, under his very eyes, with provoking insolence.
|
|
"He began to speak as soon as he saw me. I had
|
|
been very long on the road. He could not wait. Had
|
|
to start without me. The up-river stations had to be
|
|
relieved. There had been so many delays already that
|
|
he did not know who was dead and who was alive, and
|
|
how they got on -- and so on, and so on. He paid no
|
|
attention to my explanation, and, playing with a stick
|
|
of sealing-wax, repeated several times that the situa-
|
|
tion was 'very grave, very grave.' There were ru-
|
|
mours that a very important station was in jeopardy,
|
|
and its chief, Mr. Kurtz, was ill. Hoped it was not
|
|
true. Mr. Kurtz was . . . I felt weary and irritable.
|
|
Hang Kurtz, I thought. I interrupted him by saying
|
|
I had heard of Mr. Kurtz on the coast. 'Ah! So they
|
|
talk of him down there,' he murmured to himself.
|
|
Then he began again, assuring me Mr. Kurtz was the
|
|
best agent he had, an exceptional man, of the greatest
|
|
importance to the Company; therefore I could under-
|
|
stand his anxiety. He was, he said, 'very, very uneasy.'
|
|
Certainly he fidgeted on his chair a good deal, ex-
|
|
claimed, 'Ah, Mr. Kurtz!' broke the stick of sealing-
|
|
wax and seemed dumfounded by the accident. Next
|
|
thing he wanted to know 'how long it would take to'
|
|
. . . I interrupted him again. Being hungry, you
|
|
know, and kept on my feet too, I was getting savage.
|
|
'How can I tell?' I said. 'I haven't even seen the
|
|
wreck yet -- some months, no doubt.' All this talk
|
|
seemed to me so futile. 'Some months,' he said. "Well,
|
|
let us say three months before we can make a start.
|
|
Yes. That ought to do the affair.' I flung out of his
|
|
hut (he lived all alone in a clay hut with a sort of
|
|
verandah) muttering to myself my opinion of him.
|
|
He was a chattering idiot. Afterwards I took it back
|
|
when it was borne in upon me startlingly with what
|
|
extreme nicety he had estimated the time requisite for
|
|
the 'affair.'
|
|
"I went to work the next day, turning, so to speak,
|
|
my back on that station. In that way only it seemed to
|
|
me I could keep my hold on the redeeming facts of
|
|
life. Still, one must look about sometimes; and then I
|
|
saw this station, these men strolling aimlessly about in
|
|
the sunshine of the yard. I asked myself sometimes
|
|
what it all meant. They wandered here and there with
|
|
their absurd long staves in their hands, like a lot of
|
|
faithless pilgrims bewitched inside a rotten fence. The
|
|
word 'ivory' rang in the air, was whispered, was
|
|
sighed. You would think they were praying to it. A
|
|
taint of imbecile rapacity blew through it all, like a
|
|
whiff from some corpse. By Jove! I've never seen
|
|
anything so unreal in my life. And outside, the silent
|
|
wilderness surrounding this cleared speck on the earth
|
|
struck me as something great and invincible, like evil
|
|
or truth, waiting patiently for the passing away of this
|
|
fantastic invasion.
|
|
"Oh, these months! Well, never mind. Various
|
|
things happened. One evening a grass shed full of
|
|
calico, cotton prints, beads, and I don't know what
|
|
else, burst into a blaze so suddenly that you would
|
|
have thought the earth had opened to let an avenging
|
|
fire consume all that trash. I was smoking my pipe
|
|
quietly by my dismantled steamer, and saw them all
|
|
cutting capers in the light, with their arms lifted high,
|
|
when the stout man with moustaches came tearing
|
|
down to the river, a tin pail in his hand, assured me
|
|
that everybody was 'behaving splendidly, splendidly,'
|
|
dipped about a quart of water and tore back again. I
|
|
noticed there was a hole in the bottom of his pail.
|
|
"I strolled up. There was no hurry. You see the
|
|
thing had gone off like a box of matches. It had been
|
|
hopeless from the very first. The flame had leaped
|
|
high, driven everybody back, lighted up everything --
|
|
and collapsed. The shed was already a heap of embers
|
|
glowing fiercely. A nigger was being beaten near by.
|
|
They said he had caused the fire in some way; be that
|
|
as it may, he was screeching most horribly. I saw him,
|
|
later, for several days, sitting in a bit of shade looking
|
|
very sick and trying to recover himself: afterwards he
|
|
arose and went out -- and the wilderness without a
|
|
sound took him into its bosom again. As I approached
|
|
the glow from the dark I found myself at the back of
|
|
two men, talking. I heard the name of Kurtz pro-
|
|
nounced, then the words, 'take advantage of this un-
|
|
fortunate accident.' One of the men was the manager. I
|
|
wished him a good evening. 'Did you ever see anything
|
|
like it -- eh? it is incredible,' he said, and walked off.
|
|
The other man remained. He was a first-class agent,
|
|
young, gentlemanly, a bit reserved, with a forked
|
|
little beard and a hooked nose. He was stand-offish
|
|
with the other agents, and they on their side said he
|
|
was the manager's spy upon them. As to me, I had
|
|
hardly ever spoken to him before. We got into talk,
|
|
and by and by we strolled away from the hissing ruins.
|
|
Then he asked me to his room, which was in the main
|
|
building of the station. He struck a match, and I
|
|
perceived that this young aristocrat had not only a
|
|
silver-mounted dressing-case but also a whole candle
|
|
all to himself. Just at that time the manager was the
|
|
only man supposed to have any right to candles.
|
|
Native mats covered the clay walls; a collection of
|
|
spears, assegais, shields, knives was hung up in tro-
|
|
phies. The business intrusted to this fellow was the
|
|
making of bricks -- so I had been informed; but there
|
|
wasn't a fragment of a brick anywhere in the station,
|
|
and he could not make bricks without something, I
|
|
don't know what -- straw maybe. Anyway, it could not
|
|
be found there and as it was not likely to be sent from
|
|
Europe, it did not appear clear to me what he was
|
|
waiting for. An act of special creation perhaps. How-
|
|
ever, they were all waiting all the sixteen or twenty
|
|
pilgrims of them -- for something; and upon my word
|
|
it did not seem an uncongenial occupation, from the
|
|
way they took it, though the only thing that ever
|
|
came to them was disease -- as far as I could see. They
|
|
beguiled the time by backbiting and intriguing against
|
|
each other in a foolish kind of way. There was an air
|
|
of plotting about that station, but nothing came of it,
|
|
of course. It was as unreal as everything else -- as the
|
|
philanthropic pretence of the whole concern, as their
|
|
talk, as their government, as their show of work. The
|
|
only real feeling was a desire to get appointed to a
|
|
trading-post where ivory was to be had, so that they
|
|
could earn percentages. They intrigued and slandered
|
|
and hated each other only on that account -- but as to
|
|
effectually lifting a little finger -- oh, no. By heavens!
|
|
there is something after all in the world allowing one
|
|
man to steal a horse while another must not look at a
|
|
halter. Steal a horse straight out. Very well. He has
|
|
done it. Perhaps he can ride. But there is a way of
|
|
looking at a halter that would provoke the most chari-
|
|
table of saints into a kick.
|
|
"I had no idea why he wanted to be sociable, but as
|
|
we chatted in there it suddenly ocurred to me the
|
|
fellow was trying to get at something -- in fact, pump-
|
|
ing me. He alluded constantly to Europe, to the peo-
|
|
ple I was supposed to know there -- putting leading
|
|
questions as to my acquaintances in the sepulchral city,
|
|
and so on. His little eyes glittered like mica discs --
|
|
with curiosity -- though he tried to keep up a bit of
|
|
superciliousness. At first I was astonished, but very
|
|
soon I became awfully curious to see what he would
|
|
find out from me. I couldn't possibly imagine what I
|
|
had in me to make it worth his while. It was very pretty
|
|
to see how he baffled himself, for in truth my body was
|
|
full only of chills, and my head had nothing in it but
|
|
that wretched steamboat business. It was evident he
|
|
took me for a perfectly shameless prevaricator. At last
|
|
he got angry, and, to conceal a movement of furious
|
|
annoyance, he yawned. I rose. Then I noticed a small
|
|
sketch in oils, on a panel, representing a woman,
|
|
draped and blindfolded, carrying a lighted torch. The
|
|
background was sombre -- almost black. The move-
|
|
ment of the woman was stately, and the effect of the
|
|
torchlight on the face was sinister.
|
|
"It arrested me, and he stood by civilly, holding an
|
|
empty half-pint champagne bottle (medical comforts)
|
|
with the candle stuck in it. To my question he said
|
|
Mr. Kurtz had painted this -- in this very station more
|
|
than a year ago -- while waiting for means to go to his
|
|
trading-post. 'Tell me, pray,' said I, 'who is this Mr.
|
|
Kurtz?'
|
|
" 'The chief of the Inner Station,' he answered in a
|
|
short tone, looking away. 'Much obliged,' I said,
|
|
laughing. 'And you are the brickmaker of the Central
|
|
Station. Every one knows that.' He was silent for a
|
|
while. 'He is a prodigy,' he said at last. 'He is an
|
|
emissary of pity and science and progress, and devil
|
|
knows what else. We want,' he began to declaim sud-
|
|
denly, 'for the guidance of the cause intrusted to us by
|
|
Europe, so to speak, higher intelligence, wide sympa-
|
|
thies, a singleness of purpose.' 'Who says that?' I
|
|
asked. 'Lots of them,' he replied. 'Some even write
|
|
that; and so he comes here, a special being, as you
|
|
ought to know.' 'Why ought I to know?' I inter-
|
|
rupted, really surprised. He paid no attention. 'Yes.
|
|
Today he is chief of the best station, next year he will
|
|
be assistant-manager, two years more and . . . but I
|
|
daresay you know what he will be in two years' time.
|
|
You are of the new gang -- the gang of virtue. The
|
|
same people who sent him specially also recom-
|
|
mended you. Oh, don't say no. I've my own eyes to
|
|
trust.' Light dawned upon me. My dear aunt's influ-
|
|
ential acquaintances were producing an unexpected
|
|
effect upon that young man. I nearly burst into a
|
|
laugh. 'Do you read the Company's confidential cor-
|
|
respondence?' I asked. He hadn't a word to say. It
|
|
was great fun. 'When Mr. Kurtz,' I continued, se-
|
|
verely, 'is General Manager, you won't have the op-
|
|
portunity.'
|
|
"He blew the candle out suddenly, and we went
|
|
outside. The moon had risen. Black figures strolled
|
|
about listlessly, pouring water on the glow, whence
|
|
proceeded a sound of hissing; steam ascended in the
|
|
moonlight, the beaten nigger groaned somewhere.
|
|
'What a row the brute makes!' said the indefatigable
|
|
man with the moustaches, appearing near us. 'Serve
|
|
him right. Transgression -- punishment -- bang! Piti-
|
|
less, pitiless. That's the only way. This will prevent
|
|
all conflagrations for the future. I was just telling the
|
|
manager . . .' He noticed my companion, and be-
|
|
came crestfallen all at once. 'Not in bed yet,' he said,
|
|
with a kind of servile heartiness; 'it's so natural. Ha!
|
|
Danger -- agitation.' He vanished. I went on to the
|
|
riverside, and the other followed me. I heard a scath-
|
|
ing murmur at my ear, 'Heap of muffs -- go to.' The
|
|
pilgrims could be seen in knots gesticulating, discuss-
|
|
ing. Several had still their staves in their hands. I
|
|
verily believe they took these sticks to bed with them.
|
|
Beyond the fence the forest stood up spectrally in the
|
|
moonlight, and through the dim stir, through the
|
|
faint sounds of that lamentable courtyard, the silence
|
|
of the land went home to one's very heart -- its mys-
|
|
tery, its greatness, the amazing reality of its concealed
|
|
life. The hurt nigger moaned feebly somewhere near
|
|
by, and then fetched a deep sigh that made me mend
|
|
my pace away from there. I felt a hand introducing
|
|
itself under my arm. 'My dear sir,' said the fellow, 'I
|
|
don't want to be misunderstood, and especially by
|
|
you, who will see Mr. Kurtz long before I can have
|
|
that pleasure. I wouldn't like him to get a false idea
|
|
of my disposition....'
|
|
"I let him run on, this papier-mache Mephistophe-
|
|
les, and it seemed to me that if I tried I could poke
|
|
my forefinger through him, and would find nothing
|
|
inside but a little loose dirt, maybe. He, don't you see,
|
|
had been planning to be assistant-manager by and by
|
|
under the present man, and I could see that the com-
|
|
ing of that Kurtz had upset them both not a little. He
|
|
talked precipitately, and I did not try to stop him. I
|
|
had my shoulders against the wreck of my steamer,
|
|
hauled up on the slope like a carcass of some big river
|
|
animal. The smell of mud, of primeval mud, by Jove!
|
|
was in my nostrils, the high stillness of primeval for-
|
|
est was before my eyes; there were shiny patches on
|
|
the black creek. The moon had spread over every-
|
|
thing a thin layer of silver -- over the rank grass, over
|
|
the mud, upon the wall of matted vegetation standing
|
|
higher than the wall of a temple, over the great river
|
|
I could see through a sombre gap glittering, glitter-
|
|
ing, as it flowed broadly by without a murmur. All
|
|
this was great, expectant, mute, while the man jab-
|
|
bered about himself. I wondered whether the stillness
|
|
on the face of the immensity looking at us two were
|
|
meant as an appeal or as a menace. What were we who
|
|
had strayed in here? Could we handle that dumb
|
|
thing, or would it handle us? I felt how big, how
|
|
confoundedly big, was that thing that couldn't talk,
|
|
and perhaps was deaf as well. What was in there? I
|
|
could see a little ivory coming out from there, and I
|
|
had heard Mr. Kurtz was in there. I had heard
|
|
enough about it, too -- God knows! Yet somehow it
|
|
didn't bring any image with it -- no more than if I had
|
|
been told an angel or a fiend was in there. I believed
|
|
it in the same way one of you might believe there are
|
|
inhabitants in the planet Mars. I knew once a Scotch
|
|
sailmaker who was certain, dead sure, there were peo-
|
|
ple in Mars. If you asked him for some idea how they
|
|
looked and behaved, he would get shy and mutter
|
|
something about 'walking on all-fours.' If you as
|
|
much as smiled, he would -- though a man of sixty --
|
|
offer to fight you. I would not have gone so far as to
|
|
fight for Kurtz, but I went for him near enough to
|
|
lie. You know I hate, detest, and can't bear a lie, not
|
|
because I am straighter than the rest of us, but simply
|
|
because it appalls me. There is a taint of death, a
|
|
flavour of mortality in lies which is exactly what I
|
|
hate and detest in the world -- what I want to forget.
|
|
It makes me miserable and sick, like biting something
|
|
rotten would do. Temperament, I suppose. Well, I
|
|
went near enough to it by letting the young fool there
|
|
believe anything he liked to imagine as to my influ-
|
|
ence in Europe. I became in an instant as much of a
|
|
pretence as the rest of the bewitched pilgrims. This
|
|
simply because I had a notion it somehow would be of
|
|
help to that Kurtz whom at the time I did not see
|
|
you understand. He was just a word for me. I did
|
|
not see the man in the name any more than you
|
|
do. Do you see him? Do you see the story? Do you
|
|
see anything? It seems to me I am trying to tell you
|
|
a dream -- making a vain attempt, because no relation
|
|
of a dream can convey the dream-sensation, that com-
|
|
mingling of absurdity, surprise, and bewilderment in
|
|
a tremor of struggling revolt, that notion of being
|
|
captured by the incredible which is of the very essence
|
|
of dreams...."
|
|
He was silent for a while.
|
|
". . . No, it is impossible; it is impossible to con-
|
|
vey the life-sensation of any given epoch of one's ex-
|
|
istence -- that which makes its truth, its meaning its
|
|
subtle and penetrating essence. It is impossible. We
|
|
live, as we dream alone...."
|
|
He paused again again if reflecting, then added:
|
|
"Of course in this you fellows see more than I
|
|
could then. You see me, whom you know. . . ."
|
|
It had become so pitch dark that we listeners could
|
|
hardly see one another. For a long time already he,
|
|
sitting apart, had been no more to us than a voice.
|
|
There was not a word from anybody. The others
|
|
might have been asleep, but I was awake. I listened, I
|
|
listened on the watch for the sentence, for the word,
|
|
that would give me the clue to the faint uneasi-
|
|
ness inspired by this narrative that seemed to shape
|
|
itself without human lips in the heavy night-air of the
|
|
river.
|
|
". . . Yes -- I let him run on," Marlow began
|
|
again, "and think what he pleased about the powers
|
|
that were behind me. I did! And there was nothing
|
|
behind me! There was nothing but that wretched,
|
|
old, mangled steamboat I was leaning against, while
|
|
he talked fluently about 'the necessity for every man
|
|
to get on.' 'And when one comes out here, you con-
|
|
ceive, it is not to gaze at the moon.' Mr. Kurtz was a
|
|
'universal genius,' but even a genius would find it
|
|
easier to work with 'adequate tools -- intelligent men.'
|
|
He did not make bricks -- why, there was a physical
|
|
impossibility in the way -- as I was well aware; and if
|
|
he did secretarial work for the manager, it was be-
|
|
cause 'no sensible man rejects wantonly the confidence
|
|
of his superiors.' Did I see it? I saw it. What more did
|
|
I want? What I really wanted was rivets, by heaven!
|
|
Rivets. To get on with the work -- to stop the hole.
|
|
Rivets I wanted. There were cases of them down at
|
|
the coast cases piled up -- burst -- split! You kicked
|
|
a loose rivet at every second step in that station-yard
|
|
on the hillside. Rivets had rolled into the grove of
|
|
death. You could fill your pockets with rivets for the
|
|
trouble of stooping down -- and there wasn't one rivet
|
|
to be found where it was wanted. We had plates that
|
|
would to, but nothing to fasten them with. And every
|
|
week the messenger, a lone negro, letterbag on shoul-
|
|
der and staff in hand, left our station for the coast.
|
|
And several times a week a coast caravan came in with
|
|
trade goods -- ghastly glazed calico that made you
|
|
shudder only to look at it, glass beads value about a
|
|
penny a quart, confounded spotted cotton handker-
|
|
chiefs. And no rivets. Three carriers could have
|
|
brought all that was wanted to set that steamboat
|
|
afloat.
|
|
"He was becoming confidential now, but I fancy my
|
|
unresponsive attitude must have exasperated him at
|
|
last, for he judged it necessary to inform me he feared
|
|
neither God nor devil, let alone any mere man. I said
|
|
I could see that very well, but what I wanted was a
|
|
certain quantity of rivets -- and rivets were what really
|
|
Mr. Kurtz wanted, if he had only known it. Now
|
|
letters went to the coast every week.... 'My dear
|
|
sir,' he cried, 'I write from dictation.' I demanded
|
|
rivets. There was a way -- for an intelligent man. He
|
|
changed his manner; became very cold, and suddenly
|
|
began to talk about a hippopotamus; wondered
|
|
whether sleeping on board the steamer (I stuck to
|
|
my salvage night and day) I wasn't disturbed. There
|
|
was an old hippo that had the bad habit of getting out
|
|
on the bank and roaming at night over the station
|
|
grounds. The pilgrims used to turn out in a body and
|
|
empty every rifle they could lay hands on at him.
|
|
Some even had sat up o' nights for him. All this
|
|
energy was wasted, though. 'That animal has a
|
|
charmed life,' he said; 'but you can say this only of
|
|
brutes in this country. No man -- you apprehend me?
|
|
-- no man here bears a charmed life.' He stood there
|
|
for a moment in the moonlight with his delicate
|
|
hooked nose set a little askew, and his mica eyes
|
|
glittering without a wink, then, with a curt Good-
|
|
night, he strode off. I could see he was disturbed and
|
|
considerably puzzled, which made me feel more hope-
|
|
ful than I had been for days. It was a great comfort
|
|
to turn from that chap to my influential friend, the
|
|
battered, twisted, ruined, tin-pot steamboat. I clam-
|
|
bered on board. She rang under my feet like an empty
|
|
Huntley & Palmer biscuit-tin kicked along a gutter;
|
|
she was nothing so solid in make, and rather less pretty
|
|
in shape, but I had expended enough hard work on
|
|
her to make me love her. No influential friend would
|
|
have served me better. She had given me a chance to
|
|
come out a bit -- to find out what I could do. No, I
|
|
don't like work. I had rather laze about and think of
|
|
all the fine things that can be done. I don't like work
|
|
-- no man does -- but I like what is in the work -- the
|
|
chance to find yourself. Your own reality -- for your-
|
|
self, not for others -- what no other man can ever
|
|
know. They can only see the mere show, and never
|
|
can tell what it really means.
|
|
"I was not surprised to see somebody sitting aft, on
|
|
the deck, with his legs dangling over the mud. You
|
|
see I rather chummed with the few mechanics there
|
|
were in that station, whom the other pilgrims natur-
|
|
ally despised -- on account of their imperfect manners,
|
|
I suppose. This was the foreman -- a boiler-maker by
|
|
trade -- a good worker. He was a lank, bony, yellow-
|
|
faced man, with big intense eyes. His aspect was
|
|
worried, and his head was as bald as the palm of my
|
|
hand; but his hair in falling seemed to have stuck to
|
|
his chin, and had prospered in the new locality, for
|
|
his beard hung down to his waist. He was a widower
|
|
with six young children (he had left them in charge
|
|
of a sister of his to come out there), and the passion of
|
|
his life was pigeon-flying. He was an enthusiast and
|
|
a connoisseur. He would rave about pigeons. After
|
|
work hours he used sometimes to come over from his
|
|
hut for a talk about his children and his pigeons; at
|
|
work, when he had to crawl in the mud under the
|
|
bottom of the steamboat, he would tie up that beard
|
|
of his in a kind of white serviette he brought for the
|
|
purpose. It had loops to go over his ears. In the eve-
|
|
ning he could be seen squatted on the bank rinsing that
|
|
wrapper in the creek with great care, then spreading
|
|
it solemnly on a bush to dry.
|
|
"I slapped him on the back and shouted, 'We shall
|
|
have rivets!' He scrambled to his feet exclaiming,
|
|
'No! Rivets!' as though he couldn't believe his ears.
|
|
Then in a low voice, 'You . . . eh?' I don't know
|
|
why we behaved like lunatics. I put my finger to the
|
|
side of my nose and nodded mysteriously. 'Good for
|
|
you!' he cried, snapped his fingers above his head,
|
|
lifting one foot. I tried a jig. We capered on the iron
|
|
deck. A frightful clatter came out of that hulk, and
|
|
the virgin forest on the other bank of the creek sent
|
|
it back in a thundering roll upon the sleeping station.
|
|
It must have made some of the pilgrims sit up in their
|
|
hovels. A dark figure obscured the lighted doorway
|
|
of the manager's hut, vanished, then, a second or
|
|
so after, the doorway itself vanished, too. We stopped,
|
|
and the silence driven away by the stamping of our
|
|
feet flowed back again from the recesses of the land.
|
|
The great wall of vegetation, an exuberant and en-
|
|
tangled mass of trunks, branches, leaves, boughs, fes-
|
|
toons, motionless in the moonlight, was like a rioting
|
|
invasion of soundless life, a rolling wave of plants,
|
|
piled up, crested, ready to topple over the creek, to
|
|
sweep every little man of us out of his little existence.
|
|
And it moved not. A deadened burst of mighty
|
|
splashes and snorts reached us from afar, as though
|
|
an ichthyosaurus had been taking a bath of glitter in
|
|
the great river. 'After all,' said the boiler-maker in a
|
|
reasonable tone, 'why shouldn't we get the rivets?'
|
|
Why not, indeed! I did not know of any reason why
|
|
we shouldn't. 'They'll come in three weeks,' I said,
|
|
confidently.
|
|
"But they didn't. Instead of rivets there came an
|
|
invasion, an infliction, a visitation. It came in sections
|
|
during the next three weeks, each section headed by
|
|
a donkey carrying a white man in new clothes and
|
|
tan shoes, bowing from that elevation right and left
|
|
to the impressed pilgrims. A quarrelsome band of
|
|
footsore sulky niggers trod on the heels of the don-
|
|
key; a lot of tents, campstools, tin boxes, white cases,
|
|
brown bales would be shot down in the court-yard,
|
|
and the air of mystery would deepen a little over the
|
|
muddle of the station. Five such instalments came,
|
|
with their absurd air of disorderly flight with the
|
|
loot of innumerable outfit shops and provision stores,
|
|
that, one would think, they were lugging, after a
|
|
raid, into the wilderness for equitable division. It was
|
|
an inextricable mess of things decent in themselves
|
|
but that human folly made look like the spoils of
|
|
thieving.
|
|
"This devoted band called itself the Eldorado
|
|
Exploring Expedition, and I believe they were sworn
|
|
to secrecy. Their talk, however, was the talk of sordid
|
|
buccaneers: it was reckless without hardihood, greedy
|
|
without audacity, and cruel without courage; there
|
|
was not an atom of foresight or of serious intention in
|
|
the whole batch of them, and they did not seem aware
|
|
these things are wanted for the work of the world.
|
|
To tear treasure out of the bowels of the land was
|
|
their desire, with no more moral purpose at the back
|
|
of it than there is in burglars breaking into a safe.
|
|
Who paid the expenses of the noble enterprise I don't
|
|
know; but the uncle of our manager was leader of
|
|
that lot.
|
|
"In exterior he resembled a butcher in a poor neigh-
|
|
bourhood, and his eyes had a look of sleepy cunning.
|
|
He carried his fat paunch with ostentation on his
|
|
short legs, and during the time his gang infested the
|
|
station spoke to no one but his nephew. You could
|
|
see these two roaming about all day long with their
|
|
heads close together in an everlasting confab.
|
|
"I had given up worrying myself about the rivets.
|
|
One's capacity for that kind of folly is more limited
|
|
than you would suppose. I said Hang! -- and let
|
|
things slide. I had plenty of time for meditation, and
|
|
now and then I would give some thought to Kurtz.
|
|
I wasn't very interested in him. No. Still, I was curious
|
|
to see whether this man, who had come out equipped
|
|
with moral ideas of some sort, would climb to the top
|
|
after all and how he would set about his work when
|
|
there."
|
|
|
|
II
|
|
|
|
"One evening as I was lying flat on the deck of my
|
|
steamboat, I heard voices approaching -- and there
|
|
were the nephew and the uncle strolling along the
|
|
bank. I laid my head on my arm again, and had nearly
|
|
lost myself in a doze, when somebody said in my ear,
|
|
as it were: 'I am as harmless as a little child, but I
|
|
don't like to be dictated to. Am I the manager -- or am
|
|
I not? I was ordered to send him there. It's incred-
|
|
ible.'. . . I became aware that the two were standing
|
|
on the shore alongside the forepart of the steamboat,
|
|
just below my head. I did not move; it did not occur
|
|
to me to move: I was sleepy. 'It is unpleasant,'
|
|
grunted the uncle. 'He has asked the Administration
|
|
to be sent there,' said the other, 'with the idea of show-
|
|
ing what he could do; and I was instructed accord-
|
|
ingly. Look at the influence that man must have. Is
|
|
it not frightful?' They both agreed it was frightful,
|
|
then made several bizarre remarks: 'Make rain and
|
|
fine weather -- one man -- the Council -- by the nose' --
|
|
bits of absurd sentences that got the better of my
|
|
drowsiness, so that I had pretty near the whole of my
|
|
wits about me when the uncle said, 'The climate may
|
|
do away with this difficulty for you. Is he alone there?'
|
|
'Yes,' answered the manager; 'he sent his assistant
|
|
down the river with a note to me in these terms:
|
|
"Clear this poor devil out of the country, and don't
|
|
bother sending more of that sort. I had rather be
|
|
alone than have the kind of men you can dispose of
|
|
with me." It was more than a year ago. Can you im-
|
|
agine such impudence!' 'Anything since then?' asked
|
|
the other hoarsely. 'Ivory,' jerked the nephew; 'lots
|
|
of it -- prime sort -- lots -- most annoying, from him.'
|
|
'And with that?' questioned the heavy rumble. 'In-
|
|
voice,' was the reply fired out, so to speak. Then si-
|
|
lence. They had been talking about Kurtz.
|
|
"I was broad awake by this time, but, lying per-
|
|
fectly at ease, remained still, having no inducement to
|
|
change my position. 'How did that ivory come all
|
|
this way?' growled the elder man, who seemed very
|
|
vexed. The other explained that it had come with a
|
|
fleet of canoes in charge of an English half-caste
|
|
clerk Kurtz had with him; that Kurtz had apparently
|
|
intended to return himself, the station being by that
|
|
time bare of goods and stores, but after coming three
|
|
hundred miles, had suddenly decided to go back,
|
|
which he started to do alone in a small dugout with
|
|
four paddlers, leaving the half-caste to continue down
|
|
the river with the ivory. The two fellows there seemed
|
|
astounded at anybody attempting such a thing. They
|
|
were at a loss for an adequate motive. As to me, I
|
|
seemed to see Kurtz for the first time. It was a distinct
|
|
glimpse: the dugout, four paddling savages, and the
|
|
lone white man turning his back suddenly on the
|
|
headquarters, on relief, on thoughts of home -- per-
|
|
haps; setting his face towards the depths of the wil-
|
|
derness, towards his empty and desolate station. I
|
|
did not know the motive. Perhaps he was just simply
|
|
a fine fellow who stuck to his work for its own sake.
|
|
His name, you understand, had not been pronounced
|
|
once. He was 'that man.' The half caste, who, as far
|
|
as I could see, had conducted a difficult trip with great
|
|
prudence and pluck, was invariably alluded to as
|
|
'that scoundrel.' The 'scoundrel' had reported that
|
|
the 'man' had been very ill -- had recovered imper-
|
|
fectly.... The two below me moved away then a
|
|
few paces, and strolled back and forth at some little
|
|
distance. I heard: 'Military post -- doctor -- two hun-
|
|
dred miles -- quite alone now -- unavoidable delays --
|
|
nine months -- no news -- strange rumours.' They ap-
|
|
proached again, just as the manager was saying, 'No
|
|
one, as far as I know, unless a species of wandering
|
|
trader -- a pestilential fellow, snapping ivory from the
|
|
natives.' Who was it they were talking about now? I
|
|
gathered in snatches that this was some man supposed
|
|
to be in Kurtz's district, and of whom the manager
|
|
did not approve. 'We will not be free from unfair
|
|
competition till one of these fellows is hanged for an
|
|
example,' he said. 'Certainly,' grunted the other; 'get
|
|
him hanged! Why not? Anything -- anything can be
|
|
done in this country. That's what I say; nobody here,
|
|
you understand, here, can endanger your position.
|
|
And why? You stand the climate -- you outlast them
|
|
all. The danger is in Europe; but there before I left
|
|
I took care to --' They moved off and whispered,
|
|
then their voices rose again. 'The extraordinary series
|
|
of delays is not my fault. I did my best.' The fat man
|
|
sighed. 'Very sad.' 'And the pestiferous absurdity of
|
|
his talk,' continued the other; 'he bothered me enough
|
|
when he was here. "Each station should be like a
|
|
beacon on the road towards better things, a centre for
|
|
trade of course, but also for humanizing, improving,
|
|
instructing." Conceive you -- that ass! And he wants
|
|
to be manager! No, it's --' Here he got choked by
|
|
excessive indignation, and I lifted my head the least
|
|
bit. I was surprised to see how near they were --
|
|
right under me. I could have spat upon their hats.
|
|
They were looking on the ground, absorbed in
|
|
thought. The manager was switching his leg with a
|
|
slender twig: his sagacious relative lifted his head.
|
|
'You have been well since you came out this time?' he
|
|
asked. The other gave a start. 'Who? I? Oh! Like a
|
|
charm -- like a charm. But the rest -- oh, my goodness!
|
|
All sick. They die so quick, too, that I haven't the
|
|
time to send them out of the country -- it's incredible!'
|
|
'H'm. Just so,' grunted the uncle. 'Ah! my boy, trust
|
|
to this -- I say, trust to this.' I saw him extend his
|
|
short flipper of an arm for a gesture that took in the
|
|
forest, the creek, the mud, the river -- seemed to
|
|
beckon with a dishonouring flourish before the sunlit
|
|
face of the land a treacherous appeal to the lurking
|
|
death, to the hidden evil, to the profound darkness of
|
|
its heart. It was so startling that I leaped to my feet
|
|
and looked back at the edge of the forest, as though
|
|
I had expected an answer of some sort to that black
|
|
display of confidence. You know the foolish notions
|
|
that come to one sometimes. The high stillness con-
|
|
fronted these two figures with its ominous patience,
|
|
waiting for the passing away of a fantastic invasion.
|
|
"They swore aloud together -- out of sheer fright,
|
|
I believe -- then pretending not to know anything of
|
|
my existence, turned back to the station. The sun was
|
|
low; and leaning forward side by side, they seemed
|
|
to be tugging painfully uphill their two ridiculous
|
|
shadows of unequal length, that trailed behind them
|
|
slowly over the tall grass without bending a single
|
|
blade.
|
|
"In a few days the Eldorado Expedition went into
|
|
the patient wilderness, that dosed upon it as the sea
|
|
closes over a diver. Long afterwards the news came
|
|
that all the donkeys were dead. I know nothing as to
|
|
the fate of the less valuable animals. They, no doubt,
|
|
like the rest of us, found what they deserved. I did not
|
|
inquire. I was then rather excited at the prospect of
|
|
meeting Kurtz very soon. When I say very soon I
|
|
mean it comparatively. It was just two months from
|
|
the day we left the creek when we came to the bank
|
|
below Kurtz's station.
|
|
"Going up that river was like travelling back to the
|
|
earliest beginnings of the world, when vegetation
|
|
rioted on the earth and the big trees were kings. An
|
|
empty stream, a great silence, an impenetrable forest.
|
|
The air was warm, thick, heavy, sluggish. There was
|
|
no joy in the brilliance of sunshine. The long stretches
|
|
of the waterway ran on, deserted, into the gloom of
|
|
over-shadowed distances. On silvery sandbanks hippos
|
|
and alligators sunned themselves side by side. The
|
|
broadening waters flowed through a mob of wooded
|
|
islands; you lost your way on that river as you would
|
|
in a desert, and butted all day long against shoals,
|
|
trying to find the channel, till you thought yourself
|
|
bewitched and cut off for ever from everything you
|
|
had known once -- somewhere -- far away -- in another
|
|
existence perhaps. There were moments when one's
|
|
past came back to one, as it will sometimes when you
|
|
have not a moment to spare to yourself; but it came in
|
|
the shape of an unrestful and noisy dream, remembered
|
|
with wonder amongst the overwhelming realities
|
|
of this strange world of plants, and water, and silence.
|
|
And this stillness of life did not in the least resemble
|
|
a peace. It was the stillness of an implacable force
|
|
brooding over an inscrutable intention. It looked at
|
|
you with a vengeful aspect. I got used to it afterwards;
|
|
I did not see it any more; I had no time. I had to keep
|
|
guessing at the channel; I had to discern, mostly by
|
|
inspiration, the signs of hidden banks; I watched for
|
|
sunken stones; I was learning to clap my teeth smartly
|
|
before my heart flew out, when I shaved by a fluke
|
|
some infernal sly old snag that would have ripped the
|
|
life out of the tin-pot steamboat and drowned all the
|
|
pilgrims; I had to keep a lookout for the signs of
|
|
dead wood we could cut up in the night for next day's
|
|
steaming. When you have to attend to things of that
|
|
sort, to the mere incidents of the surface, the reality --
|
|
the reality, I tell you -- fades. The inner truth is hid-
|
|
den -- luckily, luckily. But I felt it all the same; I
|
|
felt often its mysterious stillness watching me at my
|
|
monkey tricks, just as it watches you fellows perform-
|
|
ing on your respective tight-ropes for -- what is it?
|
|
half-a-crown a tumble --"
|
|
"Try to be civil, Marlow," growled a voice, and I
|
|
knew there was at least one listener awake besides
|
|
myself.
|
|
"I beg your pardon. I forgot the heartache which
|
|
makes up the rest of the price. And indeed what does
|
|
the price matter, if the trick be well done? You do
|
|
your tricks very well. And I didn't do badly either,
|
|
since I managed not to sink that steamboat on my first
|
|
trip. It's a wonder to me yet. Imagine a blindfolded
|
|
man set to drive a van over a bad road. I sweated and
|
|
shivered over that business considerably, I can tell
|
|
you. After all, for a seaman, to scrape the bottom of
|
|
the thing that's supposed to float all the time under
|
|
his care is the unpardonable sin. No one may know of
|
|
it, but you never forget the thump -- eh? A blow on
|
|
the very heart. You remember it, you dream of it, you
|
|
wake up at night and think of it -- years after -- and go
|
|
hot and cold all over. I don't pretend to say that
|
|
steamboat floated all the time. More than once she
|
|
had to wade for a bit, with twenty cannibals splashing
|
|
around and pushing. We had enlisted some of these
|
|
chaps on the way for a crew. Fine fellows -- cannibals
|
|
-- in their place. They were men one could work with,
|
|
and I am grateful to them. And, after all, they did
|
|
not eat each other before my face: they had brought
|
|
along a provision of hippo-meat which went rotten,
|
|
and made the mystery of the wilderness stink in my
|
|
nostrils. Phoo! I can sniff it now. I had the manager
|
|
on board and three or four pilgrims with their staves
|
|
-- all complete. Sometimes we came upon a station
|
|
close by the bank, clinging to the skirts of the un-
|
|
known, and the white men rushing out of a tumble-
|
|
down hovel, with great gestures of joy and surprise
|
|
and welcome, seemed very strange -- had the appear-
|
|
ance of being held there captive by a spell. The word
|
|
ivory would ring in the air for a while -- and on we
|
|
went again into the silence, along empty reaches,
|
|
round the still bends, between the high walls of our
|
|
winding way, reverberating in hollow claps the pon-
|
|
derous beat of the stern-wheel. Trees, trees, millions
|
|
of trees, massive, immense, running up high; and
|
|
at their foot, hugging the bank against the stream,
|
|
crept the little begrimed steamboat, like a sluggish
|
|
beetle crawling on the floor of a lofty portico. It made
|
|
you feel very small, very lost, and yet it was not alto-
|
|
gether depressing, that feeling. After all, if you were
|
|
small, the grimy beetle crawled on -- which was just
|
|
what you wanted it to do. Where the pilgrims im-
|
|
agined it crawled to I don't know. To some place
|
|
where they expected to get something. I bet! For me
|
|
it crawled towards Kurtz -- exclusively; but when the
|
|
steam-pipes started leaking we crawled very slow.
|
|
The reaches opened before us and closed behind, as if
|
|
the forest had stepped leisurely across the water to
|
|
bar the way for our return. We penetrated deeper and
|
|
deeper into the heart of darkness. It was very quiet
|
|
there. At night sometimes the roll of drums behind
|
|
the curtain of trees would run up the river and remain
|
|
sustained faintly, as if hovering in the air high over
|
|
our heads, till the first break of day. Whether it meant
|
|
war, peace, or prayer we could not tell. The dawns
|
|
were heralded by the descent of a chill stillness; the
|
|
wood-cutters slept, their fires burned low; the snap-
|
|
ping of a twig would make you start. We were wan-
|
|
derers on a prehistoric earth, on an earth that wore the
|
|
aspect of an unknown planet. We could have fancied
|
|
ourselves the first of men taking possession of an ac-
|
|
cursed inheritance, to be subdued at the cost of pro-
|
|
found anguish and of excessive toil. But suddenly,
|
|
as we struggled round a bend, there would be a
|
|
glimpse of rush walls, of peaked grass-roofs, a burst
|
|
of yells, a whirl of black limbs, a mass of hands clap-
|
|
ping, of feet stamping, of bodies swaying, of eyes
|
|
rolling, under the droop of heavy and motionless
|
|
foliage. The steamer toiled along slowly on the edge
|
|
of a black and incomprehensible frenzy. The prehis-
|
|
toric man was cursing us, praying to us, welcoming us
|
|
-- who could tell? We were cut off from the compre-
|
|
hension of our surroundings; we glided past like
|
|
phantoms, wondering and secretly appalled, as sane
|
|
men would be before an enthusiastic outbreak in a
|
|
madhouse. We could not understand because we were
|
|
too far and could not remember because we were
|
|
travelling in the night of first ages, of those ages that
|
|
are gone, leaving hardly a sign -- and no memories.
|
|
"The earth seemed unearthly. We are accustomed
|
|
to look upon the shackled form of a conquered mon-
|
|
ster, but there -- there you could look at a thing mon-
|
|
strous and free. It was unearthly, and the men were
|
|
-- No, they were not inhuman. Well, you know,
|
|
that was the worst of it -- this suspicion of their not
|
|
being inhuman. It would come slowly to one. They
|
|
howled and leaped, and spun, and made horrid faces;
|
|
but what thrilled you was just the thought of their
|
|
humanity -- like yours -- the thought of your remote
|
|
kinship with this wild and passionate uproar. Ugly.
|
|
Yes, it was ugly enough; but if you were man enough
|
|
you would admit to yourself that there was in you just
|
|
the faintest trace of a response to the terrible frank-
|
|
ness of that noise, a dim suspicion of there being a
|
|
meaning in it which you -- you so remote from the
|
|
night of first ages -- could comprehend. And why not?
|
|
The mind of man is capable of anything -- because
|
|
everything is in it, all the past as well as all the future.
|
|
What was there after all? Joy, fear, sorrow, devotion,
|
|
valour, rage -- who can tell? -- but truth -- truth
|
|
stripped of its cloak of time. Let the fool gape and
|
|
shudder -- the man knows, and can look on without a
|
|
wink. But he must at least be as much of a man as
|
|
these on the shore. He must meet that truth with his
|
|
own true stuff -- with his own inborn strength. Princi-
|
|
ples won't do. Acquisitions, clothes, pretty rags -- rags
|
|
that would fly off at the first good shake. No; you
|
|
want a deliberate belief. An appeal to me in this fiend-
|
|
ish row -- is there? Very well; I hear; I admit, but I
|
|
have a voice, too, and for good or evil mine is the
|
|
speech that cannot be silenced. Of course, a fool, what
|
|
with sheer fright and fine sentiments, is always safe.
|
|
Who's that grunting? You wonder I didn't go ashore
|
|
for a howl and a dance? Well, no -- I didn't. Fine
|
|
sentiments, you say? Fine sentiments, be hanged! I
|
|
had no time. I had to mess about with white-lead and
|
|
strips of woolen blanket helping to put bandages on
|
|
those leaky steampipes -- I tell you. I had to watch
|
|
the steering, and circumvent those snags, and get the
|
|
tin-pot along by hook or by crook. There was surface-
|
|
truth enough in these things to save a wiser man. And
|
|
between whiles I had to look after the savage who was
|
|
fireman. He was an improved specimen; he could fire
|
|
up a vertical boiler. He was there below me, and,
|
|
upon my word, to look at him was as edifying as
|
|
seeing a dog in a parody of breeches and a feather
|
|
hat, walking on his hindlegs. A few months of
|
|
training had done for that really fine chap. He
|
|
squinted at the steam-gauge and at the water-guage
|
|
with an evident effort of intrepidity -- and he had
|
|
filed teeth, too, the poor devil, and the wool of his
|
|
pate shaved into queer patterns, and three orna-
|
|
mental scars on each of his cheeks. He ought to have
|
|
been clapping his hands and stamping his feet on the
|
|
bank, instead of which he was hard at work, a thrall to
|
|
strange witchcraft, full of improving knowledge. He
|
|
was useful because he had been instructed; and what
|
|
he knew was this -- that should the water in that trans-
|
|
parent thing disappear, the evil spirit inside the
|
|
boiler would get angry through the greatness of his
|
|
thirst, and take a terrible vengeance. So he sweated
|
|
and watched the glass fearfully (with an impromptu
|
|
charm, made of rags, tied to his arm, and a piece of
|
|
polished bone, as big as a watch, stuck flatways through
|
|
his lower lip), while the wooded banks slipped past
|
|
us slowly, the short noise was left behind, the inter-
|
|
minable miles of silence -- and we crept on, towards
|
|
Kurtz. But the snags were thick, the water was treach-
|
|
erous and shallow, the boiler seemed indeed to have
|
|
a sulky devil in it, and thus neither that fireman nor
|
|
I had any time to peer into our creepy thoughts.
|
|
"Some fifty miles below the Inner Station we came
|
|
upon a hut of reeds, an inclined and melancholy pole,
|
|
with the unrecognizable tatters of what had been a
|
|
flag of some sort flying from it, and a neatly stacked
|
|
woodpile. This was unexpected. We came to the bank,
|
|
and on the stack of firewood found a flat piece of
|
|
board with some faded pencil-writing on it. When de-
|
|
ciphered it said: 'Wood for you. Hurry up. Approach
|
|
cautiously.' There was a signature, but it was illegible
|
|
-- not Kurtz -- a much longer word. 'Hurry up.'
|
|
Where? Up the river? 'Approach cautiously.' We had
|
|
not done so. But the warning could not have been
|
|
meant for the place where it could be only found
|
|
after approach. Something was wrong above. But
|
|
what -- and how much? That was the question. We
|
|
commented adversely upon the imbecility of that
|
|
telegraphic style. The bush around said nothing, and
|
|
would not let us look very far either. A torn curtain
|
|
of red twill hung in the doorway of the hut, and
|
|
flapped sadly in our faces. The dwelling was dis-
|
|
mantled; but we could see a white man had lived
|
|
there not very long ago. There remained a rude table
|
|
-- a plank on two posts; a heap of rubbish reposed in
|
|
a dark corner, and by the door I picked up a book. It
|
|
had lost its covers, and the pages had been thumbed
|
|
into a state of extremely dirty softness; but the back
|
|
had been lovingly stitched afresh with white cotton
|
|
thread, which looked clean yet. It was an extraordi-
|
|
nary find. Its title was, An Inquiry into some Points
|
|
of Seamanship, by a man Towser, Towson -- some such
|
|
name -- Master in his Majesty's Navy. The matter
|
|
looked dreary reading enough, with illustrative dia-
|
|
grams and repulsive tables of figures, and the copy
|
|
was sixty years old. I handled this amazing antiquity
|
|
with the greatest possible tenderness, lest it should
|
|
dissolve in my hands. Within, Towson or Towser was
|
|
inquiring earnestly into the breaking strain of ships'
|
|
chains and tackle, and other such matters. Not a very
|
|
enthralling book; but at the first glance you could
|
|
see there a singleness of intention, an honest concern
|
|
for the right way of going to work, which made these
|
|
humble pages, thought out so many years ago, lumi-
|
|
nous with another than a professional light. The
|
|
simple old sailor, with his talk of chains and purchases,
|
|
made me forget the jungle and the pilgrims in a deli-
|
|
cious sensation of having come upon something unmis-
|
|
takably real. Such a book being there was wonderful
|
|
enough but still more astounding were the notes pen-
|
|
cilled in the margin, and plainly referring to the text.
|
|
I couldn't believe my eyes! They were in cipher! Yes,
|
|
it looked like cipher. Fancy a man lugging with him
|
|
a book of that description into this nowhere and
|
|
studying it -- and making notes -- in cipher at that! It
|
|
was an extravagant mystery.
|
|
"I had been dimly aware for some time of a worry-
|
|
ing noise, and when I lifted my eyes I saw the wood-
|
|
pile was gone, and the manager, aided by all the pil-
|
|
grims, was shouting at me from the riverside. I
|
|
slipped the book into my pocket. I assure you to leave
|
|
off reading was like tearing myself away from the
|
|
shelter of an old and solid friendship.
|
|
"I started the lame engine ahead. 'It must be this
|
|
miserable trader -- this intruder,' exclaimed the man-
|
|
ager, looking back malevolently at the place we had
|
|
left. 'He must be English,' I said. 'It will not save
|
|
him from getting into trouble if he is not careful,'
|
|
muttered the manager darkly. I observed with as-
|
|
sumed innocence that no man was safe from trouble
|
|
in this world.
|
|
"The current was more rapid now, the steamer
|
|
seemed at her last gasp, the stern-wheel flopped lan-
|
|
guidly, and I caught myself listening on tiptoe for the
|
|
next beat of the boat, for in sober truth I expected the
|
|
wretched thing to give up every moment. It was like
|
|
watching the last flickers of a life. But still we crawled.
|
|
Sometimes I would pick out a tree a little way ahead
|
|
to measure our progress towards Kurtz by, but I lost
|
|
it invariably before we got abreast. To keep the eyes
|
|
so long on one thing was too much for human patience.
|
|
The manager displayed a beautiful resignation. I
|
|
fretted and fumed and took to arguing with myself
|
|
whether or no I would talk openly with Kurtz; but
|
|
before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to
|
|
me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action
|
|
of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter
|
|
what any one knew or ignored? What did it matter
|
|
who was manager? One gets sometimes such a flash
|
|
of insight. The essentials of this affair lay deep under
|
|
the surface, beyond my reach, and beyond my power
|
|
of meddling.
|
|
"Towards the evening of the second day we judged
|
|
ourselves about eight miles from Kurtz's station. I
|
|
wanted to push on; but the manager looked grave,
|
|
and told me the navigation up there was so dangerous
|
|
that it would be advisable, the sun being very low
|
|
already, to wait where we were till next morning.
|
|
Moreover, he pointed out that if the warning to ap-
|
|
proach cautiously were to be followed, we must ap-
|
|
proach in daylight -- not at dusk or in the dark. This
|
|
was sensible enough. Eight miles meant nearly three
|
|
hours' steaming for us, and I could also see suspicious
|
|
ripples at the upper end of the reach. Nevertheless,
|
|
I was annoyed beyond expression at the delay, and
|
|
most unreasonably, too, since one night more could
|
|
not matter much after so many months. As we had
|
|
plenty of wood, and caution was the word, I brought
|
|
up in the middle of the stream. The reach was narrow,
|
|
straight, with high sides like a railway cutting. The
|
|
dusk came gliding into it long before the sun had set.
|
|
The current ran smooth and swift, but a dumb immo-
|
|
bility sat on the banks. The living trees, lashed to-
|
|
gether by the creepers and every living bush of the
|
|
undergrowth, might have been changed into stone,
|
|
even to the slenderest twig, to the lightest leaf. It
|
|
was not sleep -- it seemed unnatural, like a state of
|
|
trance. Not the faintest sound of any kind could be
|
|
heard. You looked on amazed, and began to suspect
|
|
yourself of being deaf-- then the night came sud-
|
|
denly, and struck you blind as well. About three in the
|
|
morning some large fish leaped, and the loud splash
|
|
made me jump as though a gun had been fired. When
|
|
the sun rose there was a white fog, very warm and
|
|
clammy, and more blinding than the night. It did not
|
|
shift or drive; it was just there, standing all round
|
|
you like something solid. At eight or nine, perhaps, it
|
|
lifted as a shutter lifts. We had a glimpse of the
|
|
towering multitude of trees, of the immense matted
|
|
jungle, with the blazing little ball of the sun hanging
|
|
over it -- all perfectly still -- and then the white shutter
|
|
came down again, smoothly, as if sliding in greased
|
|
grooves. I ordered the chain, which we had begun to
|
|
heave in, to be paid out again. Before it stopped run-
|
|
ning with a muffled rattle, a cry, a very loud cry, as of
|
|
infinite desolation, soared slowly in the opaque air. It
|
|
ceased. A complaining clamour, modulated in savage
|
|
discords, filled our ears. The sheer unexpectedness of
|
|
it made my hair stir under my cap. I don't know how
|
|
it struck the others: to me it seemed as though the
|
|
mist itself had screamed, so suddenly, and apparently
|
|
from all sides at once, did this tumultuous and mourn-
|
|
ful uproar arise. It culminated in a hurried outbreak
|
|
of almost intolerably escessive shrieking, which
|
|
stopped short, leaving us stiffened in a variety of silly
|
|
attitudes, and obstinately listening to the nearly as
|
|
appalling and excessive silence. 'Good God! What is
|
|
the meaning --' stammered at my elbow one of the
|
|
pilgrims -- a little fat man, with sandy hair and red
|
|
whiskers, who wore sidespring boots, and pink py-
|
|
jamas tucked into his socks. Two others remained
|
|
open-mouthed a whole minute, then dashed into the
|
|
little cabin, to rush out incontinently and stand dart-
|
|
ing scared glances, with Winchesters at 'ready' in
|
|
their hands. What we could see was just the steamer
|
|
we were on, her outlines blurred as though she had
|
|
been on the point of dissolving, and a misty strip of
|
|
water, perhaps two feet broad, around her -- and that
|
|
was all. The rest of the world was nowhere, as far as
|
|
our eyes and ears were concerned. Just nowhere.
|
|
Gone, disappeared; swept off without leaving a
|
|
whisper or a shadow behind.
|
|
"I went forward, and ordered the chain to be
|
|
hauled in short, so as to be ready to trip the anchor
|
|
and move the steamboat at once if necessary. 'Will
|
|
they attack?' whispered an awed voice. 'We will be
|
|
all butchered in this fog,' murmured another. The
|
|
faces twitched with the strain, the hands trembled
|
|
slightly, the eyes forgot to wink. It was very curious
|
|
to see the contrast of expressions of the white men
|
|
and of the black fellows of our crew, who were as
|
|
much strangers to that part of the river as we, though
|
|
their homes were only eight hundred miles away.
|
|
The whites, of course greatly discomposed, had be-
|
|
sides a curious look of being painfully shocked by such
|
|
an outrageous row. The others had an alert, naturally
|
|
interested expression; but their faces were essentially
|
|
quiet, even those of the one or two who grinned as
|
|
they hauled at the chain. Several exchanged short,
|
|
grunting phrases, which seemed to settle the matter
|
|
to their satisfaction. Their headman, a young, broad-
|
|
chested black, severely draped in darkblue fringed
|
|
cloths, with fierce nostrils and his hair all done up
|
|
artfully in oily ringlets, stood near me. 'Aha!' I said,
|
|
just for good fellowship's sake. 'Catch 'im,' he
|
|
snapped, with a bloodshot widening of his eyes and
|
|
a flash of sharp teeth -- 'catch 'im. Give 'im to us."To
|
|
you, eh?' I asked; 'what would you do with them?'
|
|
'Eat 'im!' he said curtly, and, leaning his elbow on the
|
|
rail, looked out into the fog in a dignified and pro-
|
|
foundly pensive attitude. I would no doubt have been
|
|
properly horrified, had it not occurred to me that he
|
|
and his chaps must be very hungry: that they must
|
|
have been growing increasingly hungry for at least
|
|
this month past. They had been engaged for six
|
|
months (I don't think a single one of them had any
|
|
clear idea of time, as we at the end of countless ages
|
|
have. They still belonged to the beginnings of time --
|
|
had no inherited experience to teach them as it were),
|
|
and of course, as long as there was a piece of paper
|
|
written over in accordance with some farcical law or
|
|
other made down the river, it didn't enter anybody's
|
|
head to trouble how they would live. Certainly they
|
|
had brought with them some rotten hippo-meat, which
|
|
couldn't have lasted very long, anyway, even if the
|
|
pilgrims hadn't, in the midst of a shocking hullabaloo,
|
|
thrown a considerable quantity of it overboard. It
|
|
looked like a high-handed proceeding; but it was
|
|
really a case of legitimate self-defence. You can't
|
|
breathe dead hippo waking, sleeping, and eating, and
|
|
at the same time keep your precarious grip on exist-
|
|
ence. Besides that, they had given them every week
|
|
three pieces of brass wire, each about nine inches long;
|
|
and the theory was they were to buy their provisions
|
|
with that currency in riverside villages. You can see
|
|
how that worked. There were either no villages, or
|
|
the people were hostile, or the director, who like the
|
|
rest of us fed out of tins, with an occasional old he-goat
|
|
thrown in, didn't want to stop the steamer for some
|
|
more or less recondite reason. So, unless they swal-
|
|
lowed the wire itself, or made loops of it to snare the
|
|
fishes with, I don't see what good their extravagant
|
|
salary could be to them. I must say it was paid with a
|
|
regularity worthy of a large and honourable trading
|
|
company. For the rest, the only thing to eat -- though
|
|
it didn't look eatable in the least -- I saw in their pos-
|
|
session was a few lumps of some stuff like half-cooked
|
|
dough, of a dirty lavender colour, they kept wrapped
|
|
in leaves, and now and then swallowed a piece of,
|
|
but so small that it seemed done more for the looks of
|
|
the thing than for any serious purpose of sustenance.
|
|
Why in the name of all the gnawing devils of hunger
|
|
they didn't go for us -- they were thirty to five -- and
|
|
have a good tuck-in for once, amazes me now when I
|
|
think of it. They were big powerful men, with not
|
|
much capacity to weigh the consequences, with cour-
|
|
age, with strength, even yet, though their skins were
|
|
no longer glossy and their muscles no longer hard.
|
|
And I saw that something restraining, one of those
|
|
human secrets that baffle probability, had come into
|
|
play there. I looked at them with a swift quickening of
|
|
interest -- not because it occurred to me I might be
|
|
eaten by them before very long, though I own to you
|
|
that just then I perceived -- in a new light, as it were
|
|
-- how unwholesome the pilgrims looked, and I
|
|
hoped, yes, I positively hoped, that my aspect was not
|
|
so -- what shall I say? -- so -- unappetizing: a touch of
|
|
fantastic vanity which fitted well with the dream-sen-
|
|
sation that pervaded all my days at that time. Perhaps
|
|
I had a little fever, too. One can't live with one's finger
|
|
everlastingly on one's pulse. I had often 'a little
|
|
fever,' or a little touch of other things -- the playful
|
|
paw-strokes of the wilderness, the preliminary trifling
|
|
before the more serious onslaught which came in due
|
|
course. Yes; I looked at them as you would on any
|
|
human being, with a curiosity of their impulses,
|
|
motives, capacities, weaknesses, when brought to the
|
|
test of an inexorable physical necessity. Restraint!
|
|
What possible restraint? Was it superstition, disgust,
|
|
patience, fear -- or some kind of primitive honour? No
|
|
fear can stand up to hunger, no patience can wear it out,
|
|
disgust simply does not exist where hunger is; and as
|
|
to superstition, beliefs, and what you may call princi-
|
|
ples, they are less than chaff in a breeze. Don't you
|
|
know the devilry of lingering starvation, its exasperat-
|
|
ing torment, its black thoughts, its sombre and brood-
|
|
ing ferocity? Well, I do. It takes a man all his inborn
|
|
strength to fight hunger properly. It's really easier to
|
|
face bereavement, dishonour, and the perdition of
|
|
one's soul -- than this kind of prolonged hunger. Sad,
|
|
but true. And these chaps, too, had no earthly reason
|
|
for any kind of scruple. Restraint! I would just as
|
|
soon have expected restraint from a hyena prowling
|
|
amongst the corpses of a battlefield. But there was the
|
|
fact facing me -- the fact dazzling, to be seen, like the
|
|
foam on the depths of the sea, like a ripple on an un-
|
|
fathomable enigma, a mystery greater -- when I
|
|
thought of it -- than the curious, inexplicable note of
|
|
desperate grief in this savage clamour that had swept
|
|
by us on the river-bank, behind the blind whiteness of
|
|
the fog.
|
|
"Two pilgrims were quarrelling in hurried whis-
|
|
pers as to which bank. 'Left.' 'No, no; how can you?
|
|
Right, right, of course.' 'It is very serious,' said the
|
|
manager's voice behind me; 'I would be desolated if
|
|
anything should happen to Mr. Kurtz before we came
|
|
up.' I looked at him, and had not the slightest doubt
|
|
he was sincere. He was just the kind of man who
|
|
would wish to preserve appearances. That was his re-
|
|
straint. But when he muttered something about going
|
|
on at once, I did not even take the trouble to answer
|
|
him. I knew, and he knew, that it was impossible.
|
|
Were we to let go our hold of the bottom, we would
|
|
be absolutely in the air -- in space. We wouldn't be
|
|
able to tell where we were going to -- whether up or
|
|
down stream, or across -- till we fetched against one
|
|
bank or the other -- and then we wouldn't know at
|
|
first which it was. Of course I made no move. I had
|
|
no mind for a smash-up. You couldn't imagine a more
|
|
deadly place for a shipwreck. Whether drowned at
|
|
once or not, we were sure to perish speedily in one
|
|
way or another. 'I authorize you to take all the risks,'
|
|
he said, after a short silence. 'I refuse to take any,' I
|
|
said shortly; which was just the answer he expected,
|
|
though its tone might have surprised him. 'Well, I
|
|
must defer to your judgment. You are captain,' he
|
|
said with marked civility. I turned my shoulder to him
|
|
in sign of my appreciation, and looked into the fog.
|
|
How long would it last? It was the most hopeless
|
|
lookout. The approach to this Kurtz grubbing for
|
|
ivory in the wretched bush was beset by as many dan-
|
|
gers as though he had been an enchanted princess
|
|
sleeping in a fabulous castle. 'Will they attack, do you
|
|
think?' asked the manager, in a confidential tone.
|
|
"I did not think they would attack, for several
|
|
obvious reasons. The thick fog was one. If they left
|
|
the bank in their canoes they would get lost in it, as
|
|
we would be if we attempted to move. Still, I had
|
|
also judged the jungle of both banks quite impene-
|
|
trable -- and yet eyes were in it, eyes that had seen us.
|
|
The riverside bushes were certainly very thick; but
|
|
the undergrowth behind was evidently penetrable.
|
|
However, during the short lift I had seen no canoes
|
|
anywhere in the reach -- certainly not abreast of the
|
|
steamer. But what made the idea of attack inconceiv-
|
|
able to me was the nature of the noise -- of the cries
|
|
we had heard. They had not the fierce character
|
|
boding immediate hostile intention. Unexpected,
|
|
wild, and violent as they had been, they had given
|
|
me an irresistible impression of sorrow. The glimpse
|
|
of the steamboat had for some reason filled those
|
|
savages with unrestrained grief. The danger, if any,
|
|
I expounded, was from our proximity to a great
|
|
human passion let loose. Even extreme grief may ul-
|
|
timately vent itself in violence -- but more generally
|
|
takes the form of apathy....
|
|
"You should have seen the pilgrims stare! They
|
|
had no heart to grin, or even to revile me: but I be-
|
|
lieve they thought me gone mad -- with fright, maybe.
|
|
I delivered a regular lecture. My dear boys, it was no
|
|
good bothering. Keep a lookout? Well, you may guess
|
|
I watched the fog for the signs of lifting as a cat
|
|
watches a mouse; but for anything else our eyes were
|
|
of no more use to us than if we had been buried miles
|
|
deep in a heap of cotton-wool. It feIt like it, too --
|
|
choking, warm, stifling. Besides, all I said, though it
|
|
sounded extravagant, was absolutely true to fact.
|
|
What we afterwards alluded to as an attack was
|
|
really an attempt at repulse. The action was very far
|
|
from being aggressive -- it was not even defensive, in
|
|
the usual sense: it was undertaken under the stress of
|
|
desperation, and in its essence was purely protective.
|
|
"It developed itself, I should say, two hours after
|
|
the fog lifted, and its commencement was at a spot,
|
|
roughly speaking, about a mile and a half below
|
|
Kurtz's station. We had just floundered and flopped
|
|
round a bend, when I saw an islet, a mere grassy hum-
|
|
mock of bright green, in the middle of the stream.
|
|
It was the only thing of the kind; but as we opened
|
|
the reach more, I perceived it was the head of a long
|
|
sand-bank, or rather of a chain of shallow patches
|
|
stretching down the middle of the river. They were
|
|
discoloured, just awash, and the whole lot was seen
|
|
just under the water, exactly as a man's backbone is
|
|
seen running down the middle of his back under the
|
|
skin. Now, as far as I did see, I could go to the right
|
|
or to the left of this. I didn't know either channel, of
|
|
course. The banks looked pretty well alike, the depth
|
|
appeared the same; but as I had been informed the
|
|
station was on the west side, I naturally headed for
|
|
the western passage.
|
|
"No sooner had we fairly entered it than I became
|
|
aware it was much narrower than I had supposed. To
|
|
the left of us there was the long uninterrupted shoal,
|
|
and to the right a high, steep bank heavily overgrown
|
|
with bushes. Above the bush the trees stood in serried
|
|
ranks. The twigs overhung the current thickly, and
|
|
from distance to distance a large limb of some tree
|
|
projected rigidly over the stream. It was then well on
|
|
in the afternoon, the face of the forest was gloomy,
|
|
and a broad strip of shadow had already fallen on the
|
|
water. In this shadow we steamed up -- very slowly, as
|
|
you may imagine. I sheered her well inshore -- the
|
|
water being deepest near the bank, as the sounding-
|
|
pole informed me.
|
|
"One of my hungry and forbearing friends was
|
|
sounding in the bows just below me. This steamboat
|
|
was exactly like a decked scow. On the deck, there
|
|
were two little teakwood houses, with doors and win-
|
|
dows. The boiler was in the fore-end, and the ma-
|
|
chinery right astern. Over the whole there was a light
|
|
roof, supported on stanchions. The funnel projected
|
|
through that roof, and in front of the funnel a small
|
|
cabin built of light planks served for a pilot-house. It
|
|
contained a couch, two camp-stools, a loaded Martini-
|
|
Henry leaning in one corner, a tiny table, and the
|
|
steering-wheel. It had a wide door in front and a
|
|
broad shutter at each side. All these were always
|
|
thrown open, of course. I spent my days perched up
|
|
there on the extreme fore-end of that roof, before the
|
|
door. At night I slept, or tried to, on the couch. An
|
|
athletic black belonging to some coast tribe and edu-
|
|
cated by my poor predecessor, was the helmsman. He
|
|
sported a pair of brass earrings, wore a blue cloth
|
|
wrapper from the waist to the ankles, and thought all
|
|
the world of himself. He was the most unstable kind
|
|
of fool I had ever seen. He steered with no end of a
|
|
swagger while you were by; but if he lost sight of
|
|
you, he became instantly the prey of an abject funk,
|
|
and would let that cripple of a steamboat get the upper
|
|
hand of him in a minute.
|
|
"I was looking down at the sounding-pole, and
|
|
feeling much annoyed to see at each try a little more
|
|
of it stick out of that river, when I saw my poleman
|
|
give up the business suddenly, and stretch himself flat
|
|
on the deck, without even taking the trouble to haul his
|
|
pole in. He kept hold on it though, and it trailed in
|
|
the water. At the same time the fireman, whom I
|
|
could also see below me, sat down abruptly before his
|
|
furnace and ducked his head. I was amazed. Then I
|
|
had to look at the river mighty quick, because there
|
|
was a snag in the fairway. Sticks, little sticks, were
|
|
flying about -- thick: they were whizzing before my
|
|
nose, dropping below me, striking behind me against
|
|
my pilot-house. All this time the river, the shore, the
|
|
woods, were very quiet -- perfectly quiet. I could only
|
|
hear the heavy splashing thump of the stern-wheel
|
|
and the patter of these things. We cleared the snag
|
|
clumsily. Arrows, by Jove! We were being shot at!
|
|
I stepped in quickly to close the shutter on the land-
|
|
side. That fool-helmsman, his hands on the spokes,
|
|
was lifting his knees high, stamping his feet, champing
|
|
his mouth, like a reined-in horse. Confound him! And
|
|
we were staggering within ten feet of the bank. I
|
|
had to lean right out to swing the heavy shutter, and I
|
|
saw a face amongst the leaves on the level with my
|
|
own, looking at me very fierce and steady; and then
|
|
suddenly, as though a veil had been removed from
|
|
my eyes, I made out, deep in the tangled gloom,
|
|
naked breasts, arms, legs, glaring eyes -- the bush was
|
|
swarming with human limbs in movement, glistening,
|
|
of bronze colour. The twigs shook, swayed, and
|
|
rustled, the arrows flew out of them, and then the
|
|
shutter came to. 'Steer her straight,' I said to the
|
|
helmsman. He held his head rigid, face forward; but
|
|
his eyes rolled, he kept on lifting and setting down
|
|
his feet gently, his mouth foamed a little. 'Keep
|
|
quiet!' I said in a fury. I might just as well have
|
|
ordered a tree not to sway in the wind. I darted out.
|
|
Below me there was a great scuffle of feet on the iron
|
|
deck; confused exclamations; a voice screamed, 'Can
|
|
you turn back?' I caught sight of a V-shaped ripple on
|
|
the water ahead. What? Another snag! A fusillade
|
|
burst out under my feet. The pilgrims had opened
|
|
with their Winchesters, and were simply squirting
|
|
lead into that bush. A deuce of a lot of smoke came
|
|
up and drove slowly forward. I swore at it. Now I
|
|
couldn't see the ripple or the snag either. I stood in
|
|
the doorway, peering, and the arrows came in swarms.
|
|
They might have been poisoned, but they looked as
|
|
though they wouldn't kill a cat. The bush began to
|
|
howl. Our wood-cutters raised a warlike whoop; the
|
|
report of a rifle just at my back deafened me. I glanced
|
|
over my shoulder, and the pilot-house was yet full of
|
|
noise and smoke when I made a dash at the wheel.
|
|
The fool-nigger had dropped everything, to throw
|
|
the shutter open and let off that Martini-Henry. He
|
|
stood before the wide opening, glaring, and I yelled
|
|
at him to come back, while I straightened the sudden
|
|
twist out of that steamboat. There was no room to
|
|
turn even if I had wanted to, the snag was somewhere
|
|
very near ahead in that confounded smoke, there was
|
|
no time to lose, so I just crowded her into the bank --
|
|
right into the bank, where I knew the water was deep.
|
|
"We tore slowly along the overhanging bushes in
|
|
a whirl of broken twigs and flying leaves. The fusil-
|
|
lade below stopped short, as I had foreseen it would
|
|
when the squirts got empty. I threw my head back to
|
|
a glinting whizz that traversed the pilot-house, in at
|
|
one shutter-hole and out at the other. Looking past that
|
|
mad helmsman, who was shaking the empty rifle and
|
|
yelling at the shore, I saw vague forms of men run-
|
|
ning bent double, leaping, gliding, distinct, incom-
|
|
plete, evanescent. Something big appeared in the air
|
|
before the shutter, the rifle went overboard, and the
|
|
man stepped back swiftly, looked at me over his
|
|
shoulder in an extraordinary, profound, familiar man-
|
|
ner, and fell upon my feet. The side of his head hit
|
|
the wheel twice, and the end of what appeared a long
|
|
cane clattered round and knocked over a little camp-
|
|
stool. It looked as though after wrenching that thing
|
|
from somebody ashore he had lost his balance in the
|
|
effort. The thin smoke had blown away, we were clear
|
|
of the snag, and looking ahead I could see that in
|
|
another hundred yards or so I would be free to sheer
|
|
off, away from the bank; but my feet felt so very
|
|
warm and wet that I had to look down. The man had
|
|
rolled on his back and stared straight up at me; both
|
|
his hands clutched that cane. It was the shaft of a
|
|
spear that, either thrown or lunged through the open-
|
|
ing, had caught him in the side just below the ribs;
|
|
the blade had gone in out of sight, after making a
|
|
frightful gash; my shoes were full; a pool of blood
|
|
lay very still, gleaming dark-red under the wheel; his
|
|
eyes shone with an amazing lustre. The fusillade burst
|
|
out again. He looked at me anxiously, gripping the
|
|
spear like something precious, with an air of being
|
|
afraid I would try to take it away from him. I had to
|
|
make an effort to free my eyes from his gaze and
|
|
attend to the steering. With one hand I felt above my
|
|
head for the line of the steam whistle, and jerked out
|
|
screech after screech hurriedly. The tumult of angry
|
|
and warlike yells was checked instantly, and then from
|
|
the depths of the woods went out such a tremulous
|
|
and prolonged wail of mournful fear and utter despair
|
|
as may be imagined to follow the flight of the last
|
|
hope from the earth. There was a great commotion in
|
|
the bush; the shower of arrows stopped, a few drop-
|
|
ping shots rang out sharply -- then silence, in which
|
|
the languid beat of the stern-wheel came plainly to
|
|
my ears. I put the helm hard a-starboard at the mo-
|
|
ment when the pilgrim in pink pyjamas, very hot and
|
|
agitated, appeared in the doorway. 'The manager
|
|
sends me --' he began in an official tone, and stopped
|
|
short. 'Good God!' he said, glaring at the wounded
|
|
man.
|
|
"We two whites stood over him, and his lustrous
|
|
and inquiring glance enveloped us both. I declare it
|
|
looked as though he would presently put to us some
|
|
question in an understandable language; but he died
|
|
without uttering a sound, without moving a limb,
|
|
without twitching a muscle. Only in the very last
|
|
moment, as though in response to some sign we could
|
|
not see, to some whisper we could not hear, he
|
|
frowned heavily, and that frown gave to his black
|
|
death-mask an inconceivably sombre, brooding, and
|
|
menacing expression. The lustre of inquiring glance
|
|
faded swiftly into vacant glassiness. 'Can you steer?'
|
|
I asked the agent eagerly. He looked very dubious; but
|
|
I made a grab at his arm, and he understood at once
|
|
I meant him to steer whether or no. To tell you the
|
|
truth, I was morbidly anxious to change my shoes and
|
|
socks. 'He is dead,' murmured the fellow, immensely
|
|
impressed. 'No doubt about it,' said I, tugging like
|
|
mad at the shoe laces. 'And by the way, I suppose Mr.
|
|
Kurtz is dead as well by this time.'
|
|
"For the moment that was the dominant thought.
|
|
There was a sense of extreme disappointment, as
|
|
though I had found out I had been striving after some-
|
|
thing altogether without a substance. I couldn't have
|
|
been more disgusted if I had travelled all this way
|
|
for the sole purpose of talking with Mr. Kurtz. Talk-
|
|
ing with . . . I flung one shoe overboard, and became
|
|
aware that that was exactly what I had been looking
|
|
forward to -- a talk with Kurtz. I made the strange
|
|
discovery that I had never imagined him as doing,
|
|
you know, but as discoursing. I didn't say to myself,
|
|
'Now I will never see him,' or 'Now I will never shake
|
|
him by the hand,' but, 'Now I will never hear him.'
|
|
The man presented himself as a voice. Not of course
|
|
that I did not connect him with some sort of action.
|
|
Hadn't I been told in all the tones of jealousy and
|
|
admiration that he had collected, bartered, swindled,
|
|
or stolen more ivory than all the other agents to-
|
|
gether? That was not the point. The point was in his
|
|
being a gifted creature, and that of all his gifts the
|
|
one that stood out preeminently, that carried with it
|
|
a sense of real presence, was his ability to talk, his
|
|
words -- the gift of expression, the bewildering, the
|
|
illuminating, the most exalted and the most con-
|
|
temptible, the pulsating stream of light, or the deceit-
|
|
ful flow from the heart of an impenetrable darkness.
|
|
"The other shoe went flying unto the devil-god of
|
|
that river. I thought, 'By Jove! it's all over. We are
|
|
too late; he has vanished -- the gift has vanished, by
|
|
means of some spear, arrow, or club. I will never hear
|
|
that chap speak after all' -- and my sorrow had a star-
|
|
tling extravagance of emotion, even such as I had
|
|
noticed in the howling sorrow of these savages in the
|
|
bush. I couldn't have felt more of lonely desolation
|
|
somehow, had I been robbed of a belief or had missed
|
|
my destiny in life.... Why do you sigh in this
|
|
beastly way, somebody? Absurd? Well, absurd. Good
|
|
Lord! mustn't a man ever -- Here, give me some
|
|
tobacco."...
|
|
There was a pause of profourd stillness, then a
|
|
match flared, and Marlow's lean face appeared, worn,
|
|
hollow, with downward folds and dropped eyelids,
|
|
with an aspect of concentrated abtention; and as he
|
|
took vigorous draws at his pipe, it seemed to retreat
|
|
and advance out of the night in the regular flicker of
|
|
tiny flame. The match went out.
|
|
"Absurd!" he cried. "This is the worst of trying to
|
|
tell.... Here you all are, each moored with two
|
|
good addresses, like a hulk with two anchors, a butcher
|
|
round one corner, a policeman round another, excel-
|
|
lent appetites, and temperature normal -- you hear --
|
|
normal from year's end to year's end. And you say,
|
|
Absurd! Absurd be -- exploded! Absurd! My dear
|
|
boys, what can you expect from a man who out of
|
|
sheer nervousness had just flung overboard a pair of
|
|
new shoes! Now I think of it, it is amazing I did not
|
|
shed tears. I am, upon the whole, proud of my forti-
|
|
tude. I was cut to the quick at the idea of having lost
|
|
the inestimable privilege of listening to the gifted
|
|
Kurtz. Of course I was wrong. The privilege was
|
|
waiting for me. Oh, yes, I heard more than enough.
|
|
And I was right, too. A voice. He was very little more
|
|
than a voice. And I heard -- him -- it -- this voice -- other
|
|
voices -- all of them were so little more than voices --
|
|
and the memory of that time itself lingers around me,
|
|
impalpable, like a dying vibration of one immense
|
|
jabber, silly, atrocious, sordid, savage, or simply mean,
|
|
without any kind of sense. Voices, voices -- even the
|
|
girl herself -- now --"
|
|
He was silent for a long time.
|
|
"I laid the ghost of his gifts at last with a lie," he
|
|
began, suddenly. "Girl! What? Did I mention a girl?
|
|
Oh, she is out of it -- completely. They -- the women
|
|
I mean -- are out of it -- should be out of it. We must
|
|
help them to stay in that beautiful world of their own,
|
|
lest ours gets worse. Oh, she had to be out of it. You
|
|
should have heard the disinterred body of Mr. Kurtz
|
|
saying, 'My Intended.' You would have perceived
|
|
directly then how completely she was out of it. And
|
|
the lofty frontal bone of Mr. Kurtz! They say the
|
|
hair goes on growing sometimes, but this -- ah -- speci-
|
|
men, was impressively bald. The wilderness had
|
|
patted him on the head, and, behold, it was like a ball
|
|
-- an ivory ball; it had caressed him, and -- lo! -- he
|
|
had withered; it had taken him, loved him, embraced
|
|
him, got into his veins, consumed his flesh, and sealed
|
|
his soul to its own by the inconceivable ceremonies of
|
|
some devilish initiation. He was its spoiled and pam-
|
|
pered favourite. Ivory? I should think so. Heaps of
|
|
it, stacks of it. The old mud shanty was bursting with
|
|
it. You would think there was not a single tusk left
|
|
either above or below the ground in the whole
|
|
country. 'Mostly fossil,' the manager had remarked,
|
|
disparagingly. It was no more fossil than I am; but
|
|
they call it fossil when it is dug up. It appears these
|
|
niggers do bury the tusks sometimes -- but evidently
|
|
they couldn't bury this parcel deep enough to save the
|
|
gifted Mr. Kurtz from his fate. We filled the steam-
|
|
boat with it, and had to pile a lot on the deck. Thus
|
|
he could see and enjoy as long as he could see, because
|
|
the appreciation of this favour had remained with him
|
|
to the last. You should have heard him say, 'My
|
|
ivory.' Oh, yes, I heard him. 'My Intended, my ivory,
|
|
my station, my river, my --' everything belonged
|
|
to him. It made me hold my breath in expectation of
|
|
hearing the wilderness burst into a prodigious peal
|
|
of laughter that would shake the fixed stars in their
|
|
places. Everything belonged to him -- but that was a
|
|
trifle. The thing was to know what he belonged to,
|
|
how many powers of darkness claimed him for their
|
|
own. That was the reflection that made you creepy all
|
|
over. It was impossible -- it was not good for one either
|
|
-- trying to imagine. He had taken a high seat amongst
|
|
the devils of the land -- I mean literally. You can't
|
|
understand. How could you? -- with solid pavement
|
|
under your feet, surrounded by kind neighbours
|
|
ready to cheer you or to fall on you, stepping deli-
|
|
cately between the butcher and the policeman, in
|
|
the holy terror of scandal and gallows and lunatic
|
|
asylums -- how can you imagine what particular region
|
|
of the first ages a man's untrammelled feet may take
|
|
him into by the way of solitude -- utter solitude
|
|
without a policeman -- by the way of silence -- utter
|
|
silence, where no warning voice of a kind neighbour
|
|
can be heard whispering of public opinion? These
|
|
little things make all the great difference. When they
|
|
are gone you must fall back upon your own innate
|
|
strength, upon your own capacity for faithfulness. Of
|
|
course you may be too much of a fool to go wrong --
|
|
too dull even to know you are being assaulted by the
|
|
powers of darkness. I take it, no fool ever made a
|
|
bargain for his soul with the devil; the fool is too
|
|
much of a fool, or the devil too much of a devil
|
|
-- I don't know which. Or you may be such a
|
|
thunderingly exalted creature as to be altogether
|
|
deaf and blind to anything but heavenly sights and
|
|
sounds. Then the earth for you is only a standing
|
|
place -- and whether to be like this is your loss or
|
|
your gain I won't pretend to say. But most of us are
|
|
neither one nor the other. The earth for us is a
|
|
place to live in, where we must put up with sights,
|
|
with sounds, with smells, too, by Jove! -- breathe
|
|
dead hippo, so to speak, and not be contaminated. And
|
|
there, don't you see? Your strength comes in, the
|
|
faith in your ability for the digging of unostentatious
|
|
holes to bury the stuff in -- your power of devotion,
|
|
not to yourself, but to an obscure back-breaking busi-
|
|
ness. And that's difficult enough. Mind, I am not
|
|
trying to excuse or even explain -- I am trying to ac-
|
|
count to myself for -- for -- Mr. Kurtz -- for the shade
|
|
of Mr. Kurtz. This initiated wraith from the back of
|
|
Nowhere honoured me with its amazing confidence
|
|
before it vanished altogether. This was because it
|
|
could speak English to me. The original Kurtz had
|
|
been educated partly in England, and -- as he was
|
|
good enough to say himself -- his sympathies were in
|
|
the right place. His mother was half-English, his
|
|
father was half-French. All Europe contributed to
|
|
the making of Kurtz; and by and by I learned
|
|
that, most appropriately, the International Society
|
|
for the Suppression of Savage Customs had intrusted
|
|
him with the making of a report, for its future guid-
|
|
ance. And he had written it, too. I've seen it. I've
|
|
read it. It was eloquent, vibrating with eloquence,
|
|
but too high-strung, I think. Seventeen pages of
|
|
close writing he had found time for! But this must
|
|
have been before his -- let us say -- nerves, went
|
|
wrong, and caused him to preside at certain midnight
|
|
dances ending with unspeakable rites, which -- as far
|
|
as I reluctantly gathered from what I heard at various
|
|
times -- were offered up to him -- do you under-
|
|
stand? -- to Mr. Kurtz himself. But it was a beautiful
|
|
piece of writing. The opening paragraph, however,
|
|
in the light of later information, strikes me now as
|
|
ominous. He began with the argument that we whites,
|
|
from the point of development we had arrived at,
|
|
'must necessarily appear to them [savages] in the
|
|
nature of supernatural beings -- we approach them
|
|
with the might as of a deity,' and so on, and so on. 'By
|
|
the simple exercise of our will we can exert a power
|
|
for good practically unbounded,' etc., etc. From that
|
|
point he soared and took me with him. The peroration
|
|
was magnificent, though difficult to remember, you
|
|
know. It gave me the notion of an exotic Immensity
|
|
ruled by an august Benevolence. It made me tingle
|
|
with enthusiasm. This was the unbounded power of
|
|
eloquence -- of words -- of burning noble words. There
|
|
were no practical hints to interrupt the magic current
|
|
of phrases, unless a kind of note at the foot of the last
|
|
page, scrawled evidently much later, in an unsteady
|
|
hand, may be regarded as the exposition of a method.
|
|
It was very simple, and at the end of that moving
|
|
appeal to every altruistic sentiment it blazed at you,
|
|
luminous and terrifying, like a flash of lightning in a
|
|
serene sky: 'Exterminate all the brutes!' The curious
|
|
part was that he had apparently forgotten all about
|
|
that valuable postscriptum, because, later on, when he
|
|
in a sense came to himself, he repeatedly entreated me
|
|
to take good care of 'my pamphlet' (he called it), as it
|
|
was sure to have in the future a good influence upon
|
|
his career. I had full information about all these
|
|
things, and, besides, as it turned out, I was to have
|
|
the care of his memory. I've done enough for it to
|
|
give me the indisputable right to lay it, if I choose,
|
|
for an everlasting rest in the dust-bin of progress,
|
|
amongst all the sweepings and, figuratively speaking,
|
|
all the dead cats of civilization. But then, you see, I
|
|
can't choose. He won't be forgotten. Whatever he
|
|
was, he was not common. He had the power to charm
|
|
or frighten rudimentary souls into an aggravated
|
|
witch-dance in his honour; he could also fill the small
|
|
souls of the pilgrims with bitter misgivings: he had
|
|
one devoted friend at least, and he had conquered one
|
|
soul in the world that was neither rudimentary nor
|
|
tainted with self-seeking. No; I can't forget him,
|
|
though I am not prepared to affirm the fellow was
|
|
exactly worth the life we lost in getting to him. I
|
|
missed my late helmsman awfully -- I missed him
|
|
even while his body was still lying in the pilot-house.
|
|
Perhaps you will think it passing strange this regret
|
|
for a savage who was no more account than a grain of
|
|
sand in a black Sahara. Well, don't you see, he had
|
|
done something, he had steered; for months I had
|
|
him at my back -- a help -- an instrument. It was a kind
|
|
of partnership. He steered for me -- I had to look after
|
|
him, I worried about his deficiencies, and thus a subtle
|
|
bond had been created, of which I only became aware
|
|
when it was suddenly broken. And the intimate pro-
|
|
fundity of that look he gave me when he received his
|
|
hurt remains to this day in my memory -- like a claim
|
|
of distant kinship affirmed in a supreme moment.
|
|
"Poor fool! If he had only left that shutter alone.
|
|
He had no restraint, no restraint just like Kurtz -- a
|
|
tree swayed by the wind. As soon as I had put on a dry
|
|
pair of slippers, I dragged him out, after first jerking
|
|
the spear out of his side, which operation I confess I
|
|
performed with my eyes shut tight. His heels leaped
|
|
together over the little doorstep; his shoulders were
|
|
pressed to my breast; I hugged him from behind des-
|
|
perately. Oh! he was heavy, heavy; heavier than any
|
|
man on earth, I should imagine. Then without more
|
|
ado I tipped him overboard. The current snatched
|
|
him as though he had been a wisp of grass, and I saw
|
|
the body roll over twice before I lost sight of it for
|
|
ever. All the pilgrims and the manager were then
|
|
congregated on the awning-deck about the pilot-house,
|
|
chattering at each other like a flock of excited magpies,
|
|
and there was a scandalized murmur at my heartless
|
|
promptitude. What they wanted to keep that body
|
|
hanging about for I can't guess. Embalm it, maybe.
|
|
But I had also heard another, and a very ominous,
|
|
murmur on the deck below. My friends the wood-
|
|
cutters were likewise scandalized, and with a better
|
|
show of reason -- though I admit that the reason itself
|
|
was quite inadmissible. Oh, quite! I had made up my
|
|
mind that if my late helmsman was to be eaten, the
|
|
fishes alone should have him. He had been a very
|
|
second-rate helmsman while alive, but now he was
|
|
dead he might have become a first-class temptation,
|
|
and possibly cause some startling trouble. Besides, I
|
|
was anxious to take the wheel, the man in pink py-
|
|
jamas showing himself a hopeless duffer at the busi-
|
|
ness.
|
|
"This I did directly the simple funeral was over.
|
|
We were going half-speed, keeping right in the middle
|
|
of the stream, and I listened to the talk about me.
|
|
They had given up Kurtz, they had given up the
|
|
station; Kurtz was dead, and the station had been
|
|
burnt -- and so on -- and so on. The red-haired pilgrim
|
|
was beside himself with the thought that at least this
|
|
poor Kurtz had been properly avenged. 'Say! We
|
|
must have made a glorious slaughter of them in the
|
|
bush. Eh? What do you think? Say?' He positively
|
|
danced, the bloodthirsty little gingery beggar. And
|
|
he had nearly fainted when he saw the wounded man!
|
|
I could not help saying, 'You made a glorious lot of
|
|
smoke, anyhow.' I had seen, from the way the tops
|
|
of the bushes rustled and flew, that almost all the
|
|
shots had gone too high. You can't hit anything unless
|
|
you take aim and fire from the shoulder; but these
|
|
chaps fired from the hip with their eyes shut. The
|
|
retreat, I maintained -- and I was right -- was caused
|
|
by the screeching of the steam whistle. Upon this
|
|
they forgot Kurtz, and began to howl at me with
|
|
indignant protests.
|
|
"The manager stood by the wheel murmuring con-
|
|
fidentially about the necessity of getting well away
|
|
down the river before dark at all events, when I saw
|
|
in the distance a clearing on the riverside and the
|
|
outlines of some sort of building. 'What's this?' I
|
|
asked. He clapped his hands in wonder. 'The station!'
|
|
he cried. I edged in at once, still going half-speed.
|
|
"Through my glasses I saw the slope of a hill inter-
|
|
spersed with rare trees and perfectly free from under-
|
|
growth. A long decaying building on the summit was
|
|
half buried in the high grass; the large holes in the
|
|
peaked roof gaped black from afar; the jungle and
|
|
the woods made a background. There was no en-
|
|
closure or fence of any kind; but there had been one
|
|
apparently, for near the house half-a-dozen slim posts
|
|
remained in a row, roughly trimmed, and with their
|
|
upper ends ornamented with round carved balls. The
|
|
rails, or whatever there had been between, had dis-
|
|
appeared. Of course the forest surrounded all that.
|
|
The river-bank was clear, and on the waterside I saw
|
|
a white man under a hat like a cartwheel beckoning
|
|
persistently with his whole arm. Examining the edge
|
|
of the forest above and below, I was almost certain I
|
|
could see movements -- human forms gliding here and
|
|
there. I steamed past prudently, then stopped the
|
|
engines and let her drift down. The man on the shore
|
|
began to shout, urging us to land. 'We have been at-
|
|
tacked,' screamed the manager. 'I know -- I know. It's
|
|
all right,' yelled back the other, as cheerful as you
|
|
please. 'Come along. It's all right. I am glad.'
|
|
"His aspect reminded me of something I had seen
|
|
-- something funny I had seen somewhere. As I
|
|
manoeuvred to get alongside, I was asking myself,
|
|
'What does this fellow look like?' Suddenly I got it.
|
|
He looked like a harlequin. His clothes had been
|
|
made of some stuff that was brown holland probably,
|
|
but it was covered with patches all over, with bright
|
|
patches, blue, red, and yellow -- patches on the back,
|
|
patches on the front, patches on elbows, on knees;
|
|
coloured binding around his jacket, scarlet edging at
|
|
the bottom of his trousers; and the sunshine made
|
|
him look extremely gay and wonderfully neat withal,
|
|
because you could see how beautifully all this patching
|
|
had been done. A beardless, boyish face, very fair, no
|
|
features to speak of, nose peeling, little blue eyes,
|
|
smiles and frowns chasing each other over that open
|
|
countenance like sunshine and shadow on a wind-
|
|
swept plain. 'Look out, captain!' he cried; 'there's a
|
|
snag lodged in here last night.' What! Another snag?
|
|
I confess I swore shamefully. I had nearly holed my
|
|
cripple, to finish off that charming trip. The harlequin
|
|
on the bank turned his little pug-nose up to me. 'You
|
|
English?' he asked, all smiles. 'Are you?' I shouted
|
|
from the wheel. The smiles vanished, and he shook
|
|
his head as if sorry for my disappointment. Then he
|
|
brightened up. 'Never mind!' he cried encouragingly.
|
|
'Are we in time?' I asked. 'He is up there,' he replied,
|
|
with a toss of the head up the hill, and becoming
|
|
gloomy all of a sudden. His face was like the autumn
|
|
sky, overcast one moment and bright the next.
|
|
"When the manager, escorted by the pilgrims, all
|
|
of them armed to the teeth, had gone to the house
|
|
this chap came on board. 'I say, I don't like this.
|
|
These natives are in the bush,' I said. He assured me
|
|
earnestly it was all right. 'They are simple people,' he
|
|
added; 'well, I am glad you came. It took me all my
|
|
time to keep them off.' 'But you said it was all right,'
|
|
I cried. 'Oh, they meant no harm,' he said; and as I
|
|
stared he corrected himself, 'Not exactly.' Then viva-
|
|
ciously, 'My faith, your pilot-house wants a clean-up!'
|
|
In the next breath he advised me to keep enough
|
|
steam on the boiler to blow the whistle in case of
|
|
any trouble. 'One good screech will do more for you
|
|
than all your rifles. They are simple people,' he
|
|
repeated. He rattled away at such a rate he quite over-
|
|
whelmed me. He seemed to be trying to make up for
|
|
lots of silence, and actually hinted, laughing, that
|
|
such was the case. 'Don't you talk with Mr. Kurtz?' I
|
|
said. 'You don't talk with that man -- you listen to him,'
|
|
he exclaimed with severe exaltation. 'But now --' He
|
|
waved his arm, and in the twinkling of an eye was in
|
|
the uttermost depths of despondency. In a moment he
|
|
came up again with a jump, possessed himself of both
|
|
my hands, shook them continuously, while he
|
|
gabbled: 'Brother sailor . . . honour . . . pleasure
|
|
. . . delight . . .introduce myself . . . Russian . . .
|
|
son of an arch-priest . . . Government of Tambov
|
|
. . . What? Tobacco! English tobacco; the excellent
|
|
English tobacco! Now, that's brotherly. Smoke?
|
|
Where's a sailor that does not smoke?'
|
|
"The pipe soothed him, and gradually I made out
|
|
he had run away from school, had gone to sea in a
|
|
Russian ship; ran away again; served some time in
|
|
English ships; was now reconciled with the arch-
|
|
priest. He made a point of that. 'But when one is
|
|
young one must see things, gather experience, ideas;
|
|
enlarge the mind.' 'Here!' I interrupted. 'You can
|
|
never tell! Here I met Mr. Kurtz,' he said, youth
|
|
fully solemn and reproachful. I held my tongue after
|
|
that. It appears he had persuaded a Dutch trading-
|
|
house on the coast to fit him out with stores and goods,
|
|
and had started for the interior with a light heart
|
|
and no more idea of what would happen to him than
|
|
a baby. He had been wandering about that river for
|
|
nearly two years alone, cut off from everybody and
|
|
everything. 'I am not so young as I look. I am twenty-
|
|
five,' he said. 'At first old Van Shuyten would tell me
|
|
to go to the devil,' he narrated with keen enjoyment;
|
|
'but I stuck to him, and talked and talked, till at last
|
|
he got afraid I would talk the hind-leg off his favour-
|
|
ite dog, so he gave me some cheap things and a few
|
|
guns, and told me he hoped he would never see my
|
|
face again. Good old Dutchman, Van Shuyten. I've
|
|
sent him one small lot of ivory a year ago, so that he
|
|
can't call me a little thief when I get back. I hope he
|
|
got it. And for the rest I don't care. I had some wood
|
|
stacked for you. That was my old house. Did you see?'
|
|
"I gave him Towson's book. He made as though he
|
|
would kiss me, but restrained himself. 'The only book
|
|
I had left, and I thought I had lost it,' he said, looking
|
|
at it ecstatically. 'So many accidents happen to a man
|
|
going about alone, you know. Canoes get upset some-
|
|
times -- and sometimes you've got to clear out so quick
|
|
when the people get angry.' He thumbed the pages.
|
|
'You made notes in Russian?' I asked. He nodded. 'I
|
|
thought they were written in cipher,' I said. He
|
|
laughed, then became serious. 'I had lots of trouble
|
|
to keep these people off,' he said. 'Did they want to
|
|
kill you?' I asked. 'Oh, no!' he cried, and checked
|
|
himself. 'Why did they attack us?' I pursued. He
|
|
hesitated, then said shamefacedly, 'They don't want
|
|
him to go.' 'Don't they?' I said curiously. He nodded
|
|
a nod full of mystery and wisdom. 'I tell you,' he
|
|
cried, 'this man has enlarged my mind.' He opened
|
|
his arms wide, staring at me with his little blue eyes
|
|
that were perfectly round."
|
|
|
|
III
|
|
|
|
"I looked at him, lost in astonishment. There he
|
|
was before me, in motley, as though he had absconded
|
|
from a troupe of mimes, enthusiastic, fabulous. His
|
|
very existence was improbable, inexplicable, and alto-
|
|
gether bewildering. He was an insoluble problem. It
|
|
was inconceivable how he had existed, how he had
|
|
succeeded in getting so far, how he had managed to
|
|
remain -- why he did not instantly disappear. 'I went
|
|
a little farther,' he said, 'then still a little farther --
|
|
till I had gone so far that I don't know how I'll ever
|
|
get back. Never mind. Plenty time. I can manage.
|
|
You take Kurtz away quick -- quick -- I tell you.' The
|
|
glamour of youth enveloped his parti-coloured rags,
|
|
his destitution, his loneliness, the essential desolation
|
|
of his futile wanderings. For months -- for years -- his
|
|
life hadn't been worth a day's purchase; and there he
|
|
was gallantly, thoughtlessly alive, to all appearance
|
|
indestructible solely by the virtue of his few years and
|
|
of his unreflecting audacity. I was seduced into some-
|
|
thing like admiration -- like envy. Glamour urged him
|
|
on, glamour kept him unscathed. He surely wanted
|
|
nothing from the wilderness but space to breathe in
|
|
and to push on through. His need was to exist, and to
|
|
move onwards at the greatest possible risk, and with
|
|
a maximum of privation. If the absolutely pure, un-
|
|
calculating, unpractical spirit of adventure had ever
|
|
ruled a human being, it ruled this bepatched youth.
|
|
I almost envied him the possession of this modest and
|
|
clear flame. It seemed to have consumed all thought
|
|
of self so completely, that even while he was talking
|
|
to you, you forgot that it was he -- the man before
|
|
your eyes -- who had gone through these things. I
|
|
did not envy him his devotion to Kurtz, though. He
|
|
had not meditated over it. It came to him, and he ac-
|
|
cepted it with a sort of eager fatalism. I must say that
|
|
to me it appeared about the most dangerous thing in
|
|
every way he had come upon so far.
|
|
"They had come together unavoidably, like two
|
|
ships becalmed near each other, and lay rubbing sides
|
|
at last. I suppose Kurtz wanted an audience, because
|
|
on a certain occasion, when encamped in the forest,
|
|
they had talked all night, or more probably Kurtz
|
|
had talked. 'We talked of everything,' he said, quite
|
|
transported at the recollection. 'I forgot there was
|
|
such a thing as sleep. The night did not seem to last
|
|
an hour. Everything! Everything! . . . Of love,
|
|
too.' 'Ah, he talked to you of love!' I said, much
|
|
amused. 'It isn't what you think,' he cried, almost
|
|
passionately. 'It was in general. He made me see
|
|
things -- things.'
|
|
"He threw his arms up. We were on deck at the
|
|
time, and the headman of my wood cutters, lounging
|
|
near by, turned upon him his heavy and glittering
|
|
eyes. I looked around, and I don't know why, but I
|
|
assure you that never, never before, did this land,
|
|
this river, this jungle, the very arch of this blazing
|
|
sky, appear to me so hopeless and so dark, so impene-
|
|
trable to human thought, so pitiless to human weak-
|
|
ness. 'And, ever since, you have been with him, of
|
|
course?' I said.
|
|
"On the contrary. It appears their intercourse had
|
|
been very much broken by various causes. He had, as
|
|
he informed me proudly, managed to nurse Kurtz
|
|
through two illnesses (he alluded to it as you would
|
|
to some risky feat), but as a rule Kurtz wandered
|
|
alone, far in the depths of the forest. 'Very often
|
|
coming to this station, I had to wait days and days
|
|
before he would turn up,' he said. 'Ah, it was worth
|
|
waiting for! -- sometimes.' 'What was he doing? ex-
|
|
ploring or what?' I asked. 'Oh, yes, of course', he
|
|
had discovered lots of villages, a lake, too -- he did not
|
|
know exactly in what direction; it was dangerous to
|
|
inquire too much -- but mostly his expeditions had
|
|
been for ivory. 'But he had no goods to trade with by
|
|
that time,' I objected. 'There's a good lot of cartridges
|
|
left even yet,' he answered, looking away. 'To speak
|
|
plainly, he raided the country,' I said. He nodded.
|
|
'Not alone, surely!' He muttered something about
|
|
the villages round that lake. 'Kurtz got the tribe to
|
|
follow him, did he?' I suggested. He fidgeted a little.
|
|
'They adored him,' he said. The tone of these words
|
|
was so extraordinary that I looked at him searchingly.
|
|
It was curious to see his mingled eagerness and reluc-
|
|
tance to speak of Kurtz. The man filled his life, occu-
|
|
pied his thoughts, swayed his emotions. 'What can
|
|
you expect?' he burst out; 'he came to them with
|
|
thunder and lightning, you know -- and they had never
|
|
seen anything like it -- and very terrible. He could be
|
|
very terrible. You can't judge Mr. Kurtz as you
|
|
would an ordinary man. No, no, no! Now -- just to
|
|
give you an idea -- I don't mind telling you, he wanted
|
|
to shoot me, too, one day -- but I don't judge him.'
|
|
'Shoot you!' I cried 'What for?' 'Well, I had a small
|
|
lot of ivory the chief of that village near my house
|
|
gave me. You see I used to shoot game for them.
|
|
Well, he wanted it, and wouldn't hear reason. He
|
|
declared he would shoot me unless I gave him the
|
|
ivory and then cleared out of the country, because
|
|
he could do so, and had a fancy for it, and there was
|
|
nothing on earth to prevent him killing whom he
|
|
jolly well pleased. And it was true, too. I gave him
|
|
the ivory. What did I care! But I didn't clear out.
|
|
No, no. I couldn't leave him. I had to be careful,
|
|
of course, till we got friendly again for a time. He
|
|
had his second illness then. Afterwards I had to
|
|
keep out of the way; but I didn't mind. He was
|
|
living for the most part in those villages on the lake.
|
|
When he came down to the river, sometimes he would
|
|
take to me, and sometimes it was better for me to be
|
|
careful. This man suffered too much. He hated all
|
|
this, and somehow he couldn't get away. When I had
|
|
a chance I begged him to try and leave while there was
|
|
time; I offered to go back with him. And he would
|
|
say yes, and then he would remain; go off on another
|
|
ivory hunt; disappear for weeks; forget himself
|
|
amongst these people -- forget himself -- you know.'
|
|
'Why! he's mad,' I said. He protested indignantly.
|
|
Mr. Kurtz couldn't be mad. If I had heard him talk,
|
|
only two days ago, I wouldn't dare hint at such a
|
|
thing. . . . I had taken up my binoculars while we
|
|
talked, and was looking at the shore, sweeping the
|
|
limit of the forest at each side and at the back of the
|
|
house. The consciousness of there being people in that
|
|
bush, so silent, so quiet -- as silent and quiet as the
|
|
ruined house on the hill -- made me uneasy. There was
|
|
no sign on the face of nature of this amazing tale that
|
|
was not so much told as suggested to me in desolate
|
|
exclamations, completed by shrugs, in interrupted
|
|
phrases, in hints ending in deep sighs. The woods
|
|
were unmoved, like a mask -- heavy, like the closed
|
|
door of a prison -- they looked with their air of hidden
|
|
knowledge, of patient expectation, of unapproachable
|
|
silence. The Russian was explaining to me that it was
|
|
only lately that Mr. Kurtz had come down to the
|
|
river, bringing along with him all the fighting men
|
|
of that lake tribe. He had been absent for several
|
|
months -- getting himself adored, I suppose -- and had
|
|
come down unexpectedly, with the intention to all
|
|
appearance of making a raid either across the river or
|
|
down stream. Evidently the appetite for more ivory
|
|
had got the better of the -- what shall I say? -- less
|
|
material aspirations. However he had got much worse
|
|
suddenly. 'I heard he was lying helpless, and so I
|
|
came up -- took my chance,' said the Russian. 'Oh, he
|
|
is bad, very bad.' I directed my glass to the house.
|
|
There were no signs of life, but there was the ruined
|
|
roof, the long mud wall peeping above the grass,
|
|
with three little square window-holes, no two of the
|
|
same size; all this brought within reach of my hand,
|
|
as it were. And then I made a brusque movement, and
|
|
one of the remaining posts of that vanished fence
|
|
leaped up in the field of my glass. You remember I
|
|
told you I had been struck at the distance by certain
|
|
attempts at ornamentation, rather remarkable in the
|
|
ruinous aspect of the place. Now I had suddenly a
|
|
nearer view, and its first result was to make me throw
|
|
my head back as if before a blow. Then I went care-
|
|
fully from post to post with my glass, and I saw my
|
|
mistake. These round knobs were not ornamental but
|
|
symbolic; they were expressive and puzzling, striking
|
|
and disturbing -- food for thought and also for vul-
|
|
tures if there had been any looking down from the
|
|
sky; but at all events for such ants as were industrious
|
|
enough to ascend the pole. They would have been
|
|
even more impressive, those heads on the stakes, if
|
|
their faces had not been turned to the house. Only
|
|
one, the first I had made out, was facing my way. I
|
|
was not so shocked as you may think. The start back
|
|
I had given was really nothing but a movement of
|
|
surprise. I had expected to see a knob of wood there,
|
|
you know. I returned deliberately to the first I had
|
|
seen -- and there it was, black, dried, sunken, with
|
|
dosed eyelids -- a head that seemed to sleep at the top
|
|
of that pole, and, with the shrunken dry lips showing
|
|
a narrow white line of the teeth, was smiling, too,
|
|
smiling continuously at some endless and jocose
|
|
dream of that eternal slumber.
|
|
"I am not disclosing any trade secrets. In fact, the
|
|
manager said afterwards that Mr. Kurtz's methods
|
|
had ruined the district. I have no opinion on that
|
|
point, but I want you clearly to understand that there
|
|
was nothing exactly profitable in these heads being
|
|
there. They only showed that Mr. Kurtz lacked re-
|
|
straint in the gratification of his various lusts, that
|
|
there was something wanting in him -- some small
|
|
matter which, when the pressing need arose, could not
|
|
be found under his magnificent eloquence. Whether
|
|
he knew of his deficiency himself I can't say. I think
|
|
the knowledge came to him at last -- only at the very
|
|
last. But the wilderness had found him out early, and
|
|
had taken on him a terrible vengeance for the fantastic
|
|
invasion. I think it had whispered to him things about
|
|
himself which he did not know, things of which he
|
|
had no conception till he took counsel with this great
|
|
solitude -- and the whisper had proved irresistibly fas-
|
|
cinating. It echoed loudly within him because he was
|
|
hollow at the core.... I put down the glass, and
|
|
the head that had appeared near enough to be spoken
|
|
to seemed at once to have leaped away from me into
|
|
inaccessible distance.
|
|
"The admirer of Mr. Kurtz was a bit crestfallen. In
|
|
a hurried, indistinct voice he began to assure me he had
|
|
not dared to take these -- say, symbols -- down. He was
|
|
not afraid of the natives; they would not stir till Mr.
|
|
Kurtz gave the word. His ascendancy was extraor-
|
|
dinary. The camps of the people surrounded the
|
|
place, and the chiefs came every day to see him. They
|
|
would crawl.... 'I don't want to know anything of
|
|
the ceremonies used when approaching Mr. Kurtz,'
|
|
I shouted. Curious, this feeling that came over me
|
|
that such details would be more intolerable than
|
|
those heads drying on the stakes under Mr. Kurtz's
|
|
windows. After a]l, that was only a savage sight, while
|
|
I seemed at one bound to have been transported into
|
|
some lightless region of subtle horrors, where pure,
|
|
uncomplicated savagery was a positive relief, being
|
|
something that had a right to exist -- obviously -- in the
|
|
sunshine. The young man looked at me with surprise.
|
|
I suppose it did not occur to him that Mr. Kurtz was
|
|
no idol of mine. He forgot I hadn't heard any of these
|
|
splendid monologues on, what was it? on love, jus-
|
|
tice, conduct of life -- or what not. If it had come to
|
|
crawling before Mr. Kurtz, he crawled as much as the
|
|
veriest savage of them all. I had no idea of the condi-
|
|
tions, he said: these heads were the heads of rebels. I
|
|
shocked him excessively by laughing. Rebels! What
|
|
would be the next definition I was to hear? There had
|
|
been enemies, criminals, workers -- and these were
|
|
rebels. Those rebellious heads looked very subdued to
|
|
me on their sticks. 'You don't know how such a life
|
|
tries a man like Kurtz,' cried Kurtz's last disciple.
|
|
'Well, and you?' I said. 'I! I! I am a simple man. I
|
|
have no great thoughts. I want nothing from anybody.
|
|
How can you compare me to . . . ?' His feelings
|
|
were too much for speech, and suddenly he broke
|
|
down. 'I don't understand,' he groaned. 'I've been
|
|
doing my best to keep him alive, and that's enough.
|
|
I had no hand in all this. I have no abilities. There
|
|
hasn't been a drop of medicine or a mouthful of in-
|
|
valid food for months here. He was shamefully aban-
|
|
doned. A man like this, with such ideas. Shamefully!
|
|
Shamefully! I -- I -- haven't slept for the last ten
|
|
nights . . .'
|
|
"His voice lost itself in the calm of the evening.
|
|
The long shadows of the forest had slipped downhill
|
|
while we talked, had gone far beyond the ruined
|
|
hovel, beyond the symbolic row of stakes. All this
|
|
was in the gloom, while we down there were yet in
|
|
the sunshine, and the stretch of the river abreast of
|
|
the clearing glittered in a still and dazzling splendour,
|
|
with a murky and overshadowed bend above and
|
|
below. Not a living soul was seen on the shore. The
|
|
bushes did not rustle.
|
|
"Suddenly round the corner of the house a group
|
|
of men appeared, as though they had come up from
|
|
the ground. They waded waist-deep in the grass, in a
|
|
compact body, bearing an improvised stretcher in their
|
|
midst. Instantly, in the emptiness of the landscape, a
|
|
cry arose whose shrillness pierced the still air like a
|
|
sharp arrow flying straight to the very heart of the
|
|
land; and, as if by enchantment, streams of human
|
|
beings -- of naked human beings -- with spears in their
|
|
hands, with bows, with shields, with wild glances and
|
|
savage movements, were poured into the dearing by
|
|
the dark-faced and pensive forest. The bushes shook,
|
|
the grass swayed for a time, and then everything
|
|
stood still in attentive immobility.
|
|
" 'Now, if he does not say the right thing to them
|
|
we are all done for,' said the Russian at my elbow.
|
|
The knot of men with the stretcher had stopped, too,
|
|
halfway to the steamer, as if petrified. I saw the man
|
|
on the stretcher sit up, lank and with an uplifted arm,
|
|
above the shoulders of the bearers. 'Let us hope that
|
|
the man who can talk so well of love in general will
|
|
find some particular reason to spare us this time,' I
|
|
said. I resented bitterly the absurd danger of our situ-
|
|
ation, as if to be at the mercy of that atrocious phan-
|
|
tom had been a dishonouring necessity. I could not
|
|
hear a sound, but through my glasses I saw the thin
|
|
arm extended commandingly, the lower jaw moving,
|
|
the eyes of that apparition shining darkly far in its
|
|
bony head that nodded with grotesque jerks. Kurtz --
|
|
Kurtz -- that means short in German -- don't it? Well,
|
|
the name was as true as everything else in his life --
|
|
and death. He looked at least seven feet long. His
|
|
covering had fallen off, and his body emerged from it
|
|
pitiful and appalling as from a winding-sheet. I could
|
|
see the cage of his ribs all astir, the bones of his arm
|
|
waving. It was as though an animated image of death
|
|
carved out of old ivory had been shaking its hand with
|
|
menaces at a motionless crowd of men made of dark
|
|
and glittering bronze. I saw him open his mouth wide
|
|
-- it gave him a weirdly voracious aspect, as though he
|
|
had wanted to swallow all the air, all the earth, all the
|
|
men before him. A deep voice reached me faintly. He
|
|
must have been shouting. He fell back suddenly. The
|
|
stretcher shook as the bearers staggered forward
|
|
again, and almost at the same time I noticed that the
|
|
crowd of savages was vanishing without any percepti-
|
|
ble movement of retreat, as if the forest that had
|
|
ejected these beings so suddenly had drawn them in
|
|
again as the breath is drawn in a long aspiration.
|
|
"Some of the pilgrims behind the stretcher carried
|
|
his arms -- two shot-guns, a heavy rifle, and a light
|
|
revolver-carbine -- the thunderbolts of that pitiful
|
|
Jupiter. The manager bent over him murmuring as
|
|
he walked beside his head. They laid him down in one
|
|
of the little cabins -- just a room for a bed place and a
|
|
camp-stool or two, you know. We had brought his
|
|
belated correspondence, and a lot of torn envelopes
|
|
and open letters littered his bed. His hand roamed
|
|
feebly amongst these papers. I was struck by the fire
|
|
of his eyes and the composed languor of his expres-
|
|
sion. It was not so much the exhaustion of disease. He
|
|
did not seem in pain. This shadow looked satiated and
|
|
calm, as though for the moment it had had its fill of
|
|
all the emotions.
|
|
"He rustled one of the letters, and looking straight
|
|
in my face said, 'I am glad.' Somebody had been writ-
|
|
ing to him about me. These special recommendations
|
|
were turning up again. The volume of tone he emitted
|
|
without effort, almost without the trouble of moving
|
|
his lips, amazed me. A voice! a voice! It was grave,
|
|
profound, vibrating, while the man did not seem cap-
|
|
able of a whisper. However, he had enough strength
|
|
in him -- factitious no doubt -- to very nearly make an
|
|
end of us, as you shall hear directly.
|
|
"The manager appeared silently in the doorway; I
|
|
stepped out at once and he drew the curtain after me.
|
|
The Russian, eyed curiously by the pilgrims, was star-
|
|
ing at the shore. I followed the direction of his glance.
|
|
"Dark human shapes could be made out in the dis-
|
|
tance, flitting indistinctly against the gloomy border
|
|
of the forest, and near the river two bronze figures,
|
|
leaning on tall spears, stood in the sunlight under fan-
|
|
tastic head-dresses of spotted skins, warlike and still in
|
|
statuesque repose. And from right to left along the
|
|
lighted shore moved a wild and gorgeous apparition
|
|
of a woman.
|
|
"She walked with measured steps, draped in striped
|
|
and fringed clothes, treading the earth proudly, with
|
|
a slight jingle and flash of barbarous ornaments. She
|
|
carried her head high; her hair was done in the shape
|
|
of a helmet; she had brass leggings to the knee, brass
|
|
wire gauntlets to the elbow, a crimson spot on her
|
|
tawny cheek, innumerable necklaces of glass beads on
|
|
her neck; bizarre things, charms, gifts of witch-men,
|
|
that hung about her, glittered and trembled at every
|
|
step. She must have had the value of several elephant
|
|
tusks upon her. She was savage and superb, wild-eyed
|
|
and magnificent; there was something ominous and
|
|
stately in her deliberate progress. And in the hush
|
|
that had fallen suddenly upon the whole sorrowful
|
|
land, the immense wilderness, the colossal body of the
|
|
fecund and mysterious life seemed to look at her,
|
|
pensive, as though it had been looking at the image of
|
|
its own tenebrous and passionate soul.
|
|
"She came abreast of the steamer, stood still, and
|
|
faced us. Her long shadow fell to the water's edge.
|
|
Her face had a tragic and fierce aspect of wild sorrow
|
|
and of dumb pain mingled with the fear of some
|
|
struggling, half-shaped resolve. She stood looking at
|
|
us without a stir, and like the wilderness itself, with an
|
|
air of brooding over an inscrutable purpose. A whole
|
|
minute passed, and then she made a step forward.
|
|
There was a low jingle, a glint of yellow metal, a
|
|
sway of fringed draperies, and she stopped as if her
|
|
heart had failed her. The young fellow by my side
|
|
growled. The pilgrims murmured at my back. She
|
|
looked at us all as if her life had depended upon the
|
|
unswerving steadiness of her glance. Suddenly she
|
|
opened her bared arms and threw them up rigid
|
|
above her head, as though in an uncontrollable desire
|
|
to touch the sky, and at the same time the swift shad-
|
|
ows darted out on the earth, swept around on the
|
|
river, gathering the steamer into a shadowy embrace.
|
|
A formidable silence hung over the scene.
|
|
"She turned away slowly, walked on, following the
|
|
bank, and passed into the bushes to the left. Once
|
|
only her eyes gleamed back at us in the dusk of the
|
|
thickets before she disappeared.
|
|
" 'If she had offered to come aboard I really think
|
|
I would have tried to shoot her,' said the man of
|
|
patches, nervously. 'I have been risking my life every
|
|
day for the last fortnight to keep her out of the house.
|
|
She got in one day and kicked up a row about those
|
|
miserable rags I picked up in the storeroom to mend
|
|
my clothes with. I wasn't decent. At least it must have
|
|
been that, for she talked like a fury to Kurtz for an
|
|
hour, pointing at me now and then. I don't under-
|
|
stand the dialect of this tribe. Luckily for me, I fancy
|
|
Kurtz felt too ill that day to care, or there would have
|
|
been mischief. I don't understand.... No -- it's too
|
|
much for me. Ah, well, it's all over now.'
|
|
"At this moment I heard Kurtz's deep voice behind
|
|
the curtain: 'Save me! -- save the ivory, you mean.
|
|
Don't tell me. Save me! Why, I've had to save you.
|
|
You are interrupting my plans now. Sick! Sick! Not
|
|
so sick as you would like to believe. Never mind. I'll
|
|
carry my ideas out yet -- I will return. I'll show you
|
|
what can be done. You with your little peddling no-
|
|
tions -- you are interfering with me. I will return.
|
|
I....'
|
|
"The manager came out. He did me the honour to
|
|
take me under the arm and lead me aside. 'He is very
|
|
low, very low,' he said. He considered it necessary to
|
|
sigh, but neglected to be consistently sorrowful. 'We
|
|
have done all we could for him -- haven't we? But
|
|
there is no disguising the fact, Mr. Kurtz has done
|
|
more harm than good to the Company. He did not
|
|
see the time was not ripe for vigorous action. Cau-
|
|
tiously, cautiously -- that's my principle. We must be
|
|
cautious yet. The district is closed to us for a time.
|
|
Deplorable! Upon the whole, the trade will suffer.
|
|
I don't deny there is a remarkable quantity of ivory --
|
|
mostly fossil. We must save it, at all events -- but look
|
|
how precarious the position is -- and why? Because the
|
|
method is unsound.' 'Do you,' said I, looking at the
|
|
shore, 'call it "unsound method?" ' 'Without doubt,'
|
|
he exclaimed hotly. 'Don't you?' . . . 'No method at
|
|
all,' I murmured after a while. 'Exactly,' he exulted.
|
|
'I anticipated this. Shows a complete want of judg-
|
|
ment. It is my duty to point it out in the proper quar-
|
|
ter.' 'Oh,' said I, 'that fellow -- what's his name? -- the
|
|
brickmaker, will make a readable report for you.' He
|
|
appeared confounded for a moment. It seemed to me
|
|
I had never breathed an atmosphere so vile, and I
|
|
turned mentally to Kurtz for relief -- positively for
|
|
relief. 'Nevertheless I think Mr. Kurtz is a remark-
|
|
able man,' I said with emphasis. He started, dropped
|
|
on me a cold heavy glance, said very quietly, 'he was
|
|
and turned his back on me. My hour of favour was
|
|
over; I found myself lumped along with Kurtz as a
|
|
partisan of methods for which the time was not ripe:
|
|
I was unsound! Ah! but it was something to have at
|
|
least a choice of nightmares.
|
|
"I had turned to the wilderness really, not to Mr.
|
|
Kurtz, who, I was ready to admit, was as good as
|
|
buried. And for a moment it seemed to me as if I also
|
|
were buried in a vast grave full of unspeakable secrets.
|
|
I felt an intolerable weight oppressing my breast, the
|
|
smell of the damp earth, the unseen presence of vic-
|
|
torious corruption, the darkness of an impenetrable
|
|
night.... The Russian tapped me on the shoulder.
|
|
I heard him mumbling and stammering something
|
|
about 'brother seaman -- couldn't conceal -- knowledge
|
|
of matters that would affect Mr. Kurtz's reputation.'
|
|
I waited. For him evidently Mr. Kurtz was not in his
|
|
grave; I suspect that for him Mr. Kuutz was one of
|
|
the immortals. 'Well!' said I at last, 'speak out. As it
|
|
happens, I am Mr. Kurtz's friend -- in a way.'
|
|
"He stated with a good deal of formality that had
|
|
we not been 'of the same profession,' he would have
|
|
kept the matter to himself without regard to conse-
|
|
quences. 'He suspected there was an active ill will to-
|
|
wards him on the part of these white men that --'
|
|
'You are right,' I said, remembering a certain conver-
|
|
sation I had overheard. 'The manager thinks you
|
|
ought to be hanged.' He showed a concern at this
|
|
intelligence which amused me at first. 'I had better
|
|
get out of the way quietly,' he said earnestly. 'I can do
|
|
no more for Kurtz now, and they would soon find
|
|
some excuse. What's to stop them? There's a military
|
|
post three hundred miles from here.' 'Well, upon my
|
|
word,' said I, 'perhaps you had better go if you have
|
|
any friends amongst the savages near by.' 'Plenty,' he
|
|
said. 'They are simple people -- and I want nothing,
|
|
you know.' He stood biting his lip, then: 'I didn't want
|
|
any harm to happen to these whites here, but of course
|
|
I was thinking of Mr. Kurtz's reputation -- but you
|
|
are a brother seaman and --' 'All right,' said I, after
|
|
a time. 'Mr. Kurtz's reputation is safe with me.' I did
|
|
not know how truly I spoke.
|
|
"He informed me, lowering his voice, that it was
|
|
Kurtz who had ordered the attack to be made on the
|
|
steamer. 'He hated sometimes the idea of being taken
|
|
away -- and then again.... But I don't understand
|
|
these matters. I am a simple man. He thought it
|
|
would scare you away -- that you would give it up,
|
|
thinking him dead. I could not stop him. Oh, I had an
|
|
awful time of it this last month.' 'Very well,' I said.
|
|
'He is all right now.' 'Ye-e-es,' he muttered, not very
|
|
convinced apparently. 'Thanks,' said I; 'I shall keep
|
|
my eyes open.' 'But quiet -- eh?' he urged anxiously.
|
|
'It would be awful for his reputation if anybody
|
|
here --' I promised a complete discretion with great
|
|
gravity. 'I have a canoe and three black fellows wait-
|
|
ing not very far. I am off. Could you give me a few
|
|
Martini-Henry cartridges?' I could, and did, with
|
|
proper secrecy. He helped himself, with a wink at me,
|
|
to a handful of my tobacco. 'Between sailors -- you
|
|
know -- good English tobacco.' At the door of the
|
|
pilot-house he turned round -- 'I say, haven't you a
|
|
pair of shoes you could spare?' He raised one leg.
|
|
'Look' The soles were tied with knotted strings san-
|
|
dalwise under his bare feet. I rooted out an old pair,
|
|
at which he looked with admiration before tucking it
|
|
under his left arm. One of his pockets (bright red)
|
|
was bulging with cartridges, from the other (dark
|
|
blue) peeped 'Towson's Inquiry,' ctc., etc. He seemed
|
|
to think himself excellently well equipped for a re-
|
|
newed encounter with the wilderness. 'Ah! I'll never,
|
|
never meet such a man again. You ought to have
|
|
heard him recite poetry -- his own, too, it was, he told
|
|
me. Poetry!' He rolled his eyes at the recollection of
|
|
these delights. 'Oh, he enlarged my mind!' 'Good-
|
|
bye,' said I. He shook hands and vanished in the
|
|
night. Sometimes I ask myself whether I had ever
|
|
really seen him -- whether it was possible to meet such
|
|
a phenomenon! . . .
|
|
"When I woke up shortly after midnight his warn-
|
|
ing came to my mind with its hint of danger that
|
|
seemed, in the starred darkness, real enough to make
|
|
me get up for the purpose of having a look round. On
|
|
the hill a big fire burned, illuminating fitfully a
|
|
crooked corner of the station-house. One of the agents
|
|
with a picket of a few of our blacks, armed for the
|
|
purpose, was keeping guard over the ivory; but deep
|
|
within the forest, red gleams that wavered, that
|
|
seemed to sink and rise from the ground amongst
|
|
confused columnar shapes of intense blackness, showed
|
|
the exact position of the camp where Mr. Kurtz's
|
|
adorers were keeping their uneasy vigil. The monoto-
|
|
nous beating of a big drum filled the air with muf-
|
|
fled shocks and a lingering vibration. A steady
|
|
droning sound of many men chanting each to himself
|
|
some weird incantation came out from the black, flat
|
|
wall of the woods as the humming of bees comes out
|
|
of a hive, and had a strange narcotic effect upon my
|
|
half-awake senses. I believe I dozed off leaning over
|
|
the rail, till an abrupt burst of yells, an overwhelming
|
|
outbreak of a pent-up and mysterious frenzy, woke me
|
|
up in a bewildered wonder. It was cut short all at
|
|
once, and the low droning went on with an effect of
|
|
audible and soothing silence. I glanced casually into
|
|
the little cabin. A light was burning within, but Mr.
|
|
Kurtz was not there.
|
|
"I think I would have raised an outcry if I had
|
|
believed my eyes. But I didn't believe them at first --
|
|
the thing seemed so impossible. The fact is I was com-
|
|
pletely unnerved by a sheer blank fright, pure abstract
|
|
terror, unconnected with any distinct shape of physical
|
|
danger. What made this emotion so overpowering
|
|
was -- how shall I define it? -- the moral shock I re-
|
|
ceived, as if something altogether monstrous, intoler-
|
|
able to thought and odious to the soul, had been
|
|
thrust upon me unexpectedly. This lasted of course
|
|
the merest fraction of a second, and then the usual
|
|
sense of commonplace, deadly danger, the possibility
|
|
of a sudden onslaught and massacre, or something of
|
|
the kind, which I saw impending, was positively wel-
|
|
come and composing. It pacified me, in fact, so much
|
|
that I did not raise an alarm.
|
|
"There was an agent buttoned up inside an ulster
|
|
and sleeping on a chair on deck within three feet of
|
|
me. The yells had not awakened him; he snored very
|
|
slightly; I left him to his slumbers and leaped ashore.
|
|
I did not betray Mr. Kurtz -- it was ordered I should
|
|
never betray him -- it was written I should be loyal to
|
|
the nightmare of my choice. I was anxious to deal
|
|
with this shadow by myself alone -- and to this day I
|
|
don't know why I was so jealous of sharing with any
|
|
one the peculiar blackness of that experience.
|
|
"As soon as I got on the bank I saw a trail -- a broad
|
|
trail through the grass. I remember the exultation
|
|
with which I said to myself, 'He can't walk -- he is
|
|
crawling on all-fours -- I've got him.' The grass was
|
|
wet with dew. I strode rapidly with clenched fists. I
|
|
fancy I had some vague notion of falling upon him
|
|
and giving him a drubbing. I don't know. I had some
|
|
imbecile thoughts. The knitting old woman with the
|
|
cat obtruded herself upon my memory as a most im-
|
|
proper person to be sitting at the other end of such an
|
|
affair. I saw a row of pilgrims squirting lead in the air
|
|
out of Winchesters held to the hip. I thought I would
|
|
never get back to the steamer, and imagined myself
|
|
living alone and unarmed in the woods to an advanced
|
|
age. Such silly things -- you know. And I remember I
|
|
confounded the beat of the drum with the beating of
|
|
my heart, and was pleased at its calm regularity.
|
|
"I kept to the track though -- then stopped to listen.
|
|
The night was very clear; a dark blue space, sparkling
|
|
with dew and starlight, in which black things stood
|
|
very still. I thought I could see a kind of motion
|
|
ahead of me. I was strangely cocksure of everything
|
|
that night. I actually left the track and ran in a wide
|
|
semicircle (I verily believe chuckling to myself) so as
|
|
to get in front of that stir, of that motion I had seen
|
|
-- if indeed I had seen anything. I was circumventing
|
|
Kurtz as though it had been a boyish game.
|
|
"I came upon him, and, if he had not heard me
|
|
coming, I would have fallen over him, too, but he got
|
|
up in time. He rose, unsteady, long, pale, indistinct,
|
|
like a vapour exhaled by the earth, and swayed
|
|
slightly, misty and silent before me; while at my back
|
|
the fires loomed between the trees, and the murmur
|
|
of many voices issued from the forest. I had cut him
|
|
off cleverly; but when actually confronting him I
|
|
seemed to come to my senses, I saw the danger in its
|
|
right proportion. It was by no means over yet. Sup-
|
|
pose he began to shout? Though he could hardly
|
|
stand, there was still plenty of vigour in his voice. 'Go
|
|
away -- hide yourself,' he said, in that profound tone.
|
|
It was very awful. I glanced back. We were within
|
|
thirty yards from the nearest fire. A black figure stood
|
|
up, strode on long black legs, waving long black arms,
|
|
across the glow. It had horns -- antelope horns, I think
|
|
-- on its head. Some sorcerer, some witch-man, no
|
|
doubt: it looked fiendlike enough. 'Do you know what
|
|
you are doing?' I whispered. 'Perfectly,' he answered,
|
|
raising his voice for that single word: it sounded to me
|
|
far off and yet loud, like a hail through a speaking-
|
|
trumpet. 'If he makes a row we are lost,' I thought to
|
|
myself. This clearly was not a case for fisticuffs, even
|
|
apart from the very natural aversion I had to beat
|
|
that Shadow -- this wandering and tormented thing.
|
|
'You will be lost,' I said -- 'utterly lost.' One gets
|
|
sometimes such a flash of inspiration, you know. I did
|
|
say the right thing, though indeed he could not have
|
|
been more irretrievably lost than he was at this very
|
|
moment, when the foundations of our intimacy were
|
|
being laid -- to endure -- to endure -- even to the end --
|
|
even beyond.
|
|
" 'I had irnmense plans,' he muttered irresolutely.
|
|
'Yes,' said I; 'but if you try to shout I'll smash your
|
|
head with --' There was not a stick or a stone near.
|
|
'I will throttle you for good,' I corrected myself. 'I
|
|
was on the threshold of great things,' he pleaded, in a
|
|
voice of longing, with a wistfulness of tone that made
|
|
my blood run cold. 'And now for this stupid scoun-
|
|
drel --' 'Your success in Europe is assured in any
|
|
case,' I affirmed steadily, I did not want to have the
|
|
throttling of him, you understand -- and indeed it
|
|
would have been very little use for any practical pur-
|
|
pose. I tried to break the spell -- the heavy, mute spell
|
|
of the wilderness -- that seemed to draw him to its
|
|
pitiless breast by the awakening of forgotten and
|
|
brutal instincts, by the memory of gratified and mon-
|
|
strous passions. This alone, I was convinced, had
|
|
driven him out to the edge of the forest, to the bush,
|
|
towards the gleam of fires, the throb of drums, the
|
|
drone of weird incantations; this alone had beguiled
|
|
his unlawful soul beyond the bounds of permitted
|
|
aspirations. And, don't you see, the terror of the posi-
|
|
tion was not in being knocked on the head -- though I
|
|
had a very lively sense of that danger, too -- but in
|
|
this, that I had to deal with a being to whom I could
|
|
not appeal in the name of anything high or low. I had,
|
|
even like the niggers, to invoke him -- himself -- his
|
|
own exalted and incredible degradation. There was
|
|
nothing either above or below him, and I knew it. He
|
|
had kicked himself loose of the earth. Confound the
|
|
man! he had kicked the very earth to pieces. He was
|
|
alone, and I before him did not know whether I stood
|
|
on the ground or floated in the air. I've been telling
|
|
you what we said -- repeating the phrases we pro-
|
|
nounced -- but what's the good? They were common
|
|
everyday words -- the familiar, vague sounds ex-
|
|
changed on every waking day of life. But what of
|
|
that? They had behind them, to my mind, the terrific
|
|
suggestiveness of words heard in dreams, of phrases
|
|
spoken in nightmares. Soul! If anybody ever struggled
|
|
with a soul, I am the man. And I wasn't arguing with
|
|
a lunatic either. Believe me or not, his intelligence was
|
|
perfectly clear concentrated, it is true, upon himself
|
|
with horrible intensity, yet clear; and therein was my
|
|
only chance -- barring, of course, the killing him there
|
|
and then, which wasn't so good, on account of un-
|
|
avoidable noise. But his soul was mad. Being alone in
|
|
the wilderness, it had looked within itself, and, by
|
|
heavens! I tell you, it had gone mad. I had -- for my
|
|
sins, I suppose -- to go through the ordeal of looking
|
|
into it myself. No eloquence could have been so
|
|
withering to one's belief in mankind as his final burst
|
|
of sincerity. He struggled with himself, too. I saw it --
|
|
I heard it. I saw the inconceivable mystery of a soul
|
|
that knew no restraint, no faith, and no fear, yet strug-
|
|
gling blindly with itself. I kept my head pretty well;
|
|
but when I had him at last stretched on the couch, I
|
|
wiped my forehead, while my legs shook under me as
|
|
though I had carried half a ton on my back down that
|
|
hill. And yet I had only supported him, his bony arm
|
|
clasped round my neck -- and he was not much heavier
|
|
than a child.
|
|
"When next day we left at noon, the crowd, of
|
|
whose presence behind the curtain of trees I had been
|
|
acutely conscious all the time, flowed out of the woods
|
|
again, filled the clearing, covered the slope with a
|
|
mass of naked, breathing, quivering, bronze bodies. I
|
|
steamed up a bit, then swung down stream, and two
|
|
thousand eyes followed the evolutions of the splash-
|
|
ing, thumping, fierce river-demon beating the water
|
|
with its terrible tail and breathing black smoke into
|
|
the air. In front of the first rank, along the river,
|
|
three men, plastered with bright red earth from head
|
|
to foot, strutted to and fro restlessly. When we came
|
|
abreast again, they faced the river, stamped their feet,
|
|
nodded their horned heads, swayed their scarlet bod-
|
|
ies; they shook towards the fierce river-demon a
|
|
bunch of black feathers, a mangy skin with a pendent
|
|
tail -- something that looked like a dried gourd; they
|
|
shouted periodically together strings of amazing words
|
|
that resembled no sounds of human language; and
|
|
the deep murmurs of the crowd, interrupted sud-
|
|
denly, were like the responses of some satanic litany.
|
|
"We had carried Kurtz into the pilot-house: there
|
|
was more air there. Lying on the couch, he stared
|
|
through the open shutter. There was an eddy in the
|
|
mass of human bodies, and the woman with helmeted
|
|
head and tawny cheeks rushed out to the very brink
|
|
of the stream. She put out her hands, shouted some-
|
|
thing, and all that wild mob took up the shout in a
|
|
roaring chorus of articulated, rapid, breathless ut-
|
|
terance.
|
|
" 'Do you understand this?' I asked.
|
|
"He kept on looking out past me with fiery, long-
|
|
ing eyes, with a mingled expression of wistfulness and
|
|
hate. He made no answer, but I saw a smile, a smile of
|
|
indefinable meaning, appearing on his colourless lips
|
|
that a moment after twitched convulsively. 'Do I
|
|
not?' he said slowly, gasping, as if the words had been
|
|
torn out of him by a supernatural power.
|
|
"I pulled the string of the whistle, and I did this
|
|
because I saw the pilgrims on deck getting out their
|
|
rifles with an air of anticipating a jolly lark. At the
|
|
sudden screech there was a movement of abject terror
|
|
through that wedged mass of bodies. 'Don't! don't you
|
|
frighten them away,' cried some one on deck discon-
|
|
solately. I pulled the string time after time. They
|
|
broke and ran, they leaped, they crouched, they
|
|
swerved, they dodged the flying terror of the sound.
|
|
The three red chaps had fallen flat, face down on the
|
|
shore, as though they had been shot dead. Only the
|
|
barbarous and superb woman did not so much as
|
|
flinch, and stretched tragically her bare arms after us
|
|
over the sombre and glittering river.
|
|
"And then that imbecile crowd down on the deck
|
|
started their little fun, and I could see nothing more
|
|
for smoke.
|
|
|
|
|
|
"The brown current ran swiftly out of the heart of
|
|
darkness, bearing us down towards the sea with twice
|
|
the speed of our upward progress; and Kurtz's life
|
|
was running swiftly, too, ebbing, ebbing out of his
|
|
heart into the sea of inexorable time. The manager
|
|
was very placid, he had no vital anxieties now, he took
|
|
us both in with a comprehensive and satisfied glance:
|
|
the 'affair' had come off as well as could be wished. I
|
|
saw the time approaching when I would be left alone
|
|
of the party of 'unsound method.' The pilgrims
|
|
looked upon me with disfavour. I was, so to speak,
|
|
numbered with the dead. It is strange how I accepted
|
|
this unforeseen partnership, this choice of nightmares
|
|
forced upon me in the tenebrous land invaded by
|
|
these mean and greedy phantoms.
|
|
"Kurtz discoursed. A voice! a voice! It rang deep to
|
|
the very last. It survived his strength to hide in the
|
|
magnificent folds of eloquence the barren darkness of
|
|
his heart. Oh, he struggled! he struggled! The wastes
|
|
of his weary brain were haunted by shadowy images
|
|
now -- images of wealth and fame revolving obse-
|
|
quiously round his unextinguishable gift of noble and
|
|
lofty expression. My Intended, my station, my career,
|
|
my ideas -- these were the subjects for the occasional
|
|
utterances of elevated sentiments. The shade of the
|
|
original Kurtz frequented the bedside of the hollow
|
|
sham, whose fate it was to be buried presently in the
|
|
mould of primeval earth. But both the diabolic love
|
|
and the unearthly hate of the mysteries it had pene-
|
|
trated fought for the possession of that soul satiated
|
|
with primitive emotions, avid of lying fame, of sham
|
|
distinction, of all the appearances of success and power.
|
|
"Sometimes he was contemptibly childish. He de-
|
|
sired to have kings meet him at railway-stations on his
|
|
return from some ghastly Nowhere, where he in-
|
|
tended to accomplish great things. 'You show them
|
|
you have in you something that is really profitable,
|
|
and then there will be no limits to the recognition of
|
|
your ability,' he would say. 'Of course you must take
|
|
care of the motives -- right motives -- always.' The
|
|
long reaches that were like one and the same reach,
|
|
monotonous bends that were exactly alike, slipped
|
|
past the steamer with their multitude of secular trees
|
|
looking patiently after this grimy fragment of an-
|
|
other world, the forerunner of change, of conquest,
|
|
of trade, of massacres, of blessings. I looked ahead --
|
|
piloting. 'Close the shutter,' said Kurtz suddenly one
|
|
day; 'I can't bear to look at this.' I did so. There was
|
|
a silence. 'Oh, but I will wring your heart yet!' he
|
|
cried at the invisible wilderness.
|
|
"We broke down -- as I had expected -- and had to
|
|
lie up for repairs at the head of an island. This delay
|
|
was the first thing that shook Kurtz's confidence. One
|
|
morning he gave me a packet of papers and a photo-
|
|
graph -- the lot tied together with a shoe-string. 'Keep
|
|
this for me,' he said. 'This noxious fool' (meaning the
|
|
manager) 'is capable of prying into my boxes when I
|
|
am not looking.' In the afternoon I saw him. He was
|
|
lying on his back with closed eyes, and I withdrew
|
|
quietly, but I heard him mutter, 'Live rightly, die, die
|
|
. . .' I listened. There was nothing more. Was he
|
|
rehearsing some speech in his sleep, or was it a frag-
|
|
ment of a phrase from some newspaper article? He
|
|
had been writing for the papers and meant to do so
|
|
again, 'for the furthering of my ideas. It's a duty.'
|
|
"His was an impenetrable darkness. I looked at him
|
|
as you peer down at a man who is lying at the bottom
|
|
of a precipice where the sun never shines. But I had
|
|
not much time to give him, because I was helping the
|
|
engine-driver to take to pieces the leaky cylinders, to
|
|
straighten a bent connecting-rod, and in other such
|
|
matters. I lived in an infernal mess of rust, filings,
|
|
nuts, bolts, spanners, hammers, ratchet drills -- things
|
|
I abominate, because I don't get on with them. I
|
|
tended the little forge we fortunately had aboard; I
|
|
toiled wearily in a wretched scrap-heap -- unless I had
|
|
the shakes too bad to stand.
|
|
"One evening coming in with a candle I was star-
|
|
tled to hear him say a little tremulously, 'I am lying
|
|
here in the dark waiting for death.' The light was
|
|
within a foot of his eyes. I forced myself to murmur,
|
|
'Oh, nonsense!' and stood over him as if transfixed.
|
|
"Anything approaching the change that came over
|
|
his features I have never seen before, and hope never
|
|
to see again. Oh, I wasn't touched. I was fascinated.
|
|
It was as though a veil had been rent. I saw on that
|
|
ivory face the expression of sombre pride, of ruthless
|
|
power, of craven terror -- of an intense and hopeless
|
|
despair. Did he live his life again in every detail of
|
|
desire, temptation, and surrender during that su-
|
|
preme moment of complete knowledge? He cried in
|
|
a whisper at some image, at some vision -- he cried out
|
|
twice, a cry that was no more than a breath:
|
|
" 'The horror! The horror!'
|
|
"I blew the candle out and left the cabin. The pil-
|
|
grims were dining in the mess-room, and I took my
|
|
place opposite the manager, who lifted his eyes to
|
|
give me a questioning glance, which I successfully ig-
|
|
nored. He leaned back, serene, with that peculiar
|
|
smile of his sealing the unexpressed depths of his
|
|
meanness. A continuous shower of small flies streamed
|
|
upon the lamp, upon the cloth, upon our hands and
|
|
faces. Suddenly the manager's boy put his insolent
|
|
black head in the doorway, and said in a tone of scath-
|
|
ing contempt:
|
|
" 'Mistah Kurtz -- he dead.'
|
|
"All the pilgrims rushed out to see. I remained,
|
|
and went on with my dinner. I believe that I was con-
|
|
sidered brutally callous. However, I did not eat much.
|
|
There was a lamp in there -- light, don't you know --
|
|
and outside it was so beastly, beastly dark. I went no
|
|
more near the remarkable man who had pronounced
|
|
a judgment upon the adventures of his soul on this
|
|
earth. The voice was gone. What else had been there?
|
|
But I am of course aware that next day the pilgrims
|
|
buried something in a muddy hole.
|
|
"And then they very nearly buried me.
|
|
"However, as you see, I did not go to join Kurtz
|
|
there and then. I did not. I remained to dream the
|
|
nightmare out to the end, and to show my loyalty to
|
|
Kurtz once more. Destiny. My destiny! Droll thing
|
|
life is -- that mysterious arrangement of merciless logic
|
|
for a futile purpose. The most you can hope from it
|
|
is some knowledge of yourself -- that comes too late --
|
|
a crop of unextinguishable regrets. I have wrestled
|
|
with death. It is the most unexciting contest you can
|
|
imagine. It takes place in an impalpable greyness,
|
|
with nothing underfoot, with nothing around, without
|
|
spectators, without clamour, without glory, without
|
|
the great desire of victory, without the great fear of
|
|
defeat, in a sickly atmosphere of tepid scepticism,
|
|
without much belief in your own right, and still less
|
|
in that of your adversary. If such is the form of ulti-
|
|
mate wisdom, then life is a greater riddle than some
|
|
of us think it to be. I was within a hair's breadth of the
|
|
last opportunity for pronouncement, and I found with
|
|
humiliation that probably I would have nothing to
|
|
say. This is the reason why I affirm that Kurtz was a
|
|
remarkable man. He had something to say. He said
|
|
it. Since I had peeped over the edge myself, I under-
|
|
stand better the meaning of his stare, that could not
|
|
see the flame of the candle, but was wide enough to
|
|
embrace the whole universe, piercing enough to pene-
|
|
trate all the hearts that beat in the darkness. He had
|
|
summed up -- he had judged. 'The horror!' He was a
|
|
remarkable man. After all, this was the expression of
|
|
some sort of belief; it had candour, it had conviction,
|
|
it had a vibrating note of revolt in its whisper, it had
|
|
the appalling face of a glimpsed truth -- the strange
|
|
commingling of desire and hate. And it is not my own
|
|
extremity I remember best -- a vision of greyness with-
|
|
out form filled with physical pain, and a careless con-
|
|
tempt for the evanescence of all things -- even of this
|
|
pain itself. No! It is his extremity that I seem to have
|
|
lived through. True, he had made that last stride, he
|
|
had stepped over the edge, while I had been permit-
|
|
ted to draw back my hesitating foot. And perhaps in
|
|
this is the whole difference; perhaps all the wisdom,
|
|
and all truth, and all sincerity, are just compressed
|
|
into that inappreciable moment of time in which we
|
|
step over the threshold of the invisible. Perhaps! I
|
|
like to think my summing-up would not have been a
|
|
word of careless contempt. Better his cry -- much bet-
|
|
ter. It was an affirmation, a moral victory paid for by
|
|
innumerable defeats, by abominable terrors, by abomi-
|
|
nable satisfactions. But it was a victory! That is why I
|
|
have remained loyal to Kurtz to the last, and even
|
|
beyond, when a long time after I heard once more,
|
|
not his own voice, but the echo of his magnificent elo-
|
|
quence thrown to me from a soul as translucently pure
|
|
as a cliff of crystal.
|
|
"No, they did not bury me, though there is a period
|
|
of time which I remember mistily, with a shuddering
|
|
wonder, like a passage through some inconceivable
|
|
world that had no hope in it and no desire. I found
|
|
myself back in the sepulchral city resenting the sight
|
|
of people hurrying through the streets to filch a little
|
|
money from each other, to devour their infamous
|
|
cookery, to gulp their unwholesome beer, to dream
|
|
their insignificant and silly dreams. They trespassed
|
|
upon my thoughts. They were intruders whose knowl-
|
|
edge of life was to me an irritating pretence, because I
|
|
felt so sure they could not possibly know the things I
|
|
knew. Their bearing, which was simply the bearing of
|
|
commonplace individuals going about their business in
|
|
the assurance of perfect safety, was offensive to me
|
|
like the outrageous flauntings of folly in the face of a
|
|
danger it is unable to comprehend. I had no particular
|
|
desire to enlighten them, but I had some difficulty in
|
|
restraining myself from laughing in their faces so full
|
|
of stupid importance. I daresay I was not very well at
|
|
that time. I tottered about the streets -- there were
|
|
various affairs to settle -- grinning bitterly at perfectly
|
|
respectable persons. I admit my behaviour was inex-
|
|
cusable, but then my temperature was seldom normal
|
|
in these days. My dear aunt's endeavours to 'nurse up
|
|
my strength' seemed altogether beside the mark. It
|
|
was not my strength that wanted nursing, it was my
|
|
imagination that wanted soothing. I kept the bundle
|
|
of papers given me by Kurtz, not knowing exactly
|
|
what to do with it. His mother had died lately,
|
|
watched over, as I was told, by his Intended. A clean-
|
|
shaved man, with an official manner and wearing
|
|
gold-rimmed spectacles, called on me one day and
|
|
made inquiries, at first circuitous, afterwards suavely
|
|
pressing, about what he was pleased to denominate
|
|
certain 'documents.' I was not surprised, because I had
|
|
had two rows with the manager on the subject out
|
|
there. I had refused to give up the smallest scrap out
|
|
of that package, and I took the same attitude with the
|
|
spectacled man. He became darkly menacing at Last,
|
|
and with much heat argued that the Company had the
|
|
right to every bit of information about its 'territories.'
|
|
And said he, 'Mr. Kurtz's knowledge of unexplored
|
|
regions must have been necessarily extensive and pe-
|
|
culiar -- owing to his great abilities and to the deplor-
|
|
able circumstances in which he had been placed:
|
|
therefore --' I assured him Mr. Kurtz's knowledge,
|
|
however extensive, did not bear upon the problems of
|
|
commerce or administration. He invoked then the
|
|
name of science. 'It would be an incalculable loss if,'
|
|
etc., etc. I offered him the report on the 'Suppression
|
|
of Savage Customs,' with the postscriptum torn off.
|
|
He took it up eagerly, but ended by sniffing at it with
|
|
an air of contempt. 'This is not what we had a right to
|
|
expect,' he remarked. 'Expect nothing else,' I said.
|
|
'There are only private letters.' He withdrew upon
|
|
some threat of legal proceedings, and I saw him no
|
|
more; but another fellow, calling himself Kurtz's
|
|
cousin, appeared two days later, and was anxious to
|
|
hear all the details about his dear relative's last mo-
|
|
ments. Incidentally he gave me to understand that
|
|
Kurtz had been essentially a great musician. 'There
|
|
was the making of an immense success,' said the man,
|
|
who was an organist, I believe, with lank grey hair
|
|
flowing over a greasy coat-collar. I had no reason to
|
|
doubt his statement, and to this day I am unable to
|
|
say what was Kurtz's profession, whether he ever had
|
|
any -- which was the greatest of his talents. I had taken
|
|
him for a painter who wrote for the papers, or else for
|
|
a journalist who could paint -- but even the cousin
|
|
(who took snuff during the interview) could not tell
|
|
me what he had been -- exactly. He was a universal
|
|
genius -- on that point I agreed with the old chap, who
|
|
thereupon blew his nose noisily into a large cotton
|
|
handkerchief and withdrew in senile agitation, bear-
|
|
ing off some family letters and memoranda without
|
|
importance. Ultimately a journalist anxious to know
|
|
something of the fate of his 'dear colleague' turned
|
|
up. This visitor informed me Kurtz's proper sphere
|
|
ought to have been politics 'on the popular side.' He
|
|
had furry straight eyebrows, bristly hair cropped
|
|
short, an eyeglass on a broad ribbon, and, becoming
|
|
expansive, confessed his opinion that Kurtz really
|
|
couldn't write a bit -- 'but heavens! how that man
|
|
could talk. He electrified large meetings. He had
|
|
faith -- don't you see? -- he had the faith. He could get
|
|
himself to believe anything -- anything. He would
|
|
have been a splendid leader of an extreme party.'
|
|
'What party?' I asked. 'Any party,' answered the
|
|
other. 'He was an -- an -- extremist.' Did I not think
|
|
so? I assented. Did I know, he asked, with a sudden
|
|
flash of curiosity, 'what it was that had induced him
|
|
to go out there?' 'Yes,' said I, and forthwith handed
|
|
him the famous Report for publication, if he thought
|
|
fit. He glanced through it hurriedly, mumbling all
|
|
the time, judged 'it would do,' and took himself off
|
|
with this plunder.
|
|
"Thus I was left at last with a slim packet of let-
|
|
ters and the girl's portrait. She struck me as beautiful
|
|
-- I mean she had a beautiful expression. I know that
|
|
the sunlight can be made to lie, too, yet one felt that
|
|
no manipulation of light and pose could have con-
|
|
veyed the delicate shade of truthfulness upon those
|
|
features. She seemed ready to listen without mental
|
|
reservation, without suspicion, without a thought for
|
|
herself. I conclucled I would go and give her back her
|
|
portrait and those letters myself. Curiosity? Yes; and
|
|
also some other feeling perhaps. All that had been
|
|
Kurtz's had passed out of my hands: his soul, his
|
|
body, his station, his plans, his ivory, his career. There
|
|
remained only his memory and his Intended -- and I
|
|
wanted to give that up, too, to the past, in a way -- to
|
|
surrender personally all that remained of him with
|
|
me to that oblivion which is the last word of our
|
|
common fate. I don't defend myself. I had no clear
|
|
perception of what it was I really wanted. Perhaps it
|
|
was an impulse of unconscious loyalty, or the fulfil-
|
|
ment of one of those ironic necessities that lurk in the
|
|
facts of human existence. I don't know. I can't tell.
|
|
But I went.
|
|
"I thought his memory was like the other memo-
|
|
ries of the dead that accumulate in every man's life --
|
|
a vague impress on the brain of shadows that had
|
|
fallen on it in their swift and final passage; but before
|
|
the high and ponderous door, between the tall houses
|
|
of a street as still and decorous as a well-kept alley in
|
|
a cemetery, I had a vision of him on the stretcher,
|
|
opening his mouth voraciously, as if to devour all the
|
|
earth with all its mankind. He lived then before me;
|
|
he lived as much as he had ever lived -- a shadow in-
|
|
satiable of splendid appearances, of frightful realities;
|
|
a shadow darker than the shadow of the night, and
|
|
draped nobly in the folds of a gorgeous eloquence.
|
|
The vision seemed to enter the house with me -- the
|
|
stretcher, the phantom-bearers, the wild crowd of
|
|
obedient worshippers, the gloom of the forests, the
|
|
glitter of the reach between the murky bends, the beat
|
|
of the drum, regular and muffled like the beating of a
|
|
heart -- the heart of a conquering darkness. It was a
|
|
moment of triumph for the wilderness, an invading
|
|
and vengeful rush which, it seemed to me, I would
|
|
have to keep back alone for the salvation of another
|
|
soul. And the memory of what I had heard him say
|
|
afar there, with the horned shapes stirring at my back,
|
|
in the glow of fires, within the patient woods, those
|
|
broken phrases came back to me, were heard again in
|
|
their ominous and terrifying simplicity. I remem-
|
|
bered his abject pleading, his abject threats, the colos-
|
|
sal scale of his vile desires, the meanness, the torment,
|
|
the tempestuous anguish of his soul. And later on I
|
|
seemed to see his collected languid manner, when he
|
|
said one day, 'This lot of ivory now is really mine.
|
|
The Company did not pay for it. I collected it myself
|
|
at a very great personal risk. I am afraid they will try
|
|
to claim it as theirs though. H'm. It is a difficult case.
|
|
What do you think I ought to do -- resist? Eh? I want
|
|
no more than justice.' . . . He wanted no more than
|
|
justice -- no more than justice. I rang the bell before a
|
|
mahogany door on the first floor, and while I waited
|
|
he seemed to stare at me out of the glassy panel -- stare
|
|
with that wide and immense stare embracing, con-
|
|
demning, loathing all the universe. I seemed to hear
|
|
the whispered cry, 'The horror! The horror! '
|
|
"The dusk was falling. I had to wait in a lofty
|
|
drawingroom with three long windows from floor to
|
|
ceiling that were like three luminous and bedraped
|
|
columns. The bent gilt legs and backs of the furniture
|
|
shone in indistinct curves. The tall marble fireplace
|
|
had a cold and monumental whiteness. A grand piano
|
|
stood massively in a corner; with dark gleams on the
|
|
flat surfaces like a sombre and polished sarcophagus.
|
|
A high door opened closed I rose.
|
|
"She came forward, all in black, with a pale head,
|
|
floating towards me in the dusk. She was in mourning.
|
|
It was more than a year since his death, more than a
|
|
year since the news came; she seemed as though she
|
|
would remember and mourn forever. She took both
|
|
my hands in hers and murmured, 'I had heard you
|
|
were coming.' I noticed she was not very young -- I
|
|
mean not girlish. She had a mature capacity for fidel-
|
|
ity, for belief, for suffering. The room seemed to have
|
|
grown darker, as if all the sad light of the cloudy eve-
|
|
ning had taken refuge on her forehead. This fair hair,
|
|
this pale visage, this pure brow, seemed surrounded
|
|
by an ashy halo from which the dark eyes looked out
|
|
at me. Their glance was guileless, profound, confi-
|
|
dent, and trustful. She carried her sorrowful head as
|
|
though she were proud of that sorrow, as though she
|
|
would say, 'I -- I alone know how to mourn for him
|
|
as he deserves.' But while we were still shaking hands,
|
|
such a look of awful desolation came upon her face
|
|
that I perceived she was one of those creatures that
|
|
are not the playthings of Time. For her he had died
|
|
only yesterday. And, by Jove! the impression was so
|
|
powerful that for me, too, he seemed to have died
|
|
only yesterday -- nay, this very minute. I saw her and
|
|
him in the same instant of time -- his death and her
|
|
sorrow -- I saw her sorrow in the very moment of his
|
|
death. Do you understand? I saw them together - I
|
|
heard them together. She had said, with a deep catch
|
|
of the breath, 'I have survived' while my strained ears
|
|
seemed to hear distinctly, mingled with her tone of
|
|
despairing regret, the summing up whisper of his
|
|
eternal condemnation. I asked myself what I was
|
|
doing there, with a sensation of panic in my heart as
|
|
though I had blundered into a place of cruel and
|
|
absurd mysteries not fit for a human being to behold.
|
|
She motioned me to a chair. We sat down. I laid the
|
|
packet gently on the little table, and she put her hand
|
|
over it.... 'You knew him well,' she murmured,
|
|
after a moment of mourning silence.
|
|
" 'Intimacy grows quickly out there,' I said. 'I
|
|
knew him as well as it is possible for one man to know
|
|
another.'
|
|
" 'And you admired him,' she said. 'It was impos-
|
|
sible to know him and not to admire him. Was it?'
|
|
" 'He was a remarkable man,' I said, unsteadily.
|
|
Then before the appealing fixity of her gaze, that
|
|
seemed to watch for more words on my lips, I went
|
|
on, 'It was impossible not to --'
|
|
" 'Love him,' she finished eagerly, silencing me
|
|
into an appalled dumbness. 'How true! how truel
|
|
But when you think that no one knew him so well as
|
|
I! I had all his noble confidence. I knew him best.'
|
|
" 'You knew him best,' I repeated. And perhaps
|
|
she did. But with every word spoken the room was
|
|
growing darker, and only her forehead, smooth and
|
|
white, remained illumined by the unextinguishable
|
|
light of belief and love.
|
|
" 'You were his friend,' she went on. 'His friend,'
|
|
she repeated, a little louder. 'You must have been, if
|
|
he had given you this, and sent you to me. I feel I can
|
|
speak to you -- and oh! I must speak. I want you -- you
|
|
who have heard his last words -- to know I have been
|
|
worthy of him.... It is not pride.... Yes! I am
|
|
proud to know I understood him better than any one
|
|
on earth -- he told me so himself. And since his mother
|
|
died I have had no one -- no one -- to -- to --'
|
|
"I listened. The darkness deepened. I was not even
|
|
sure whether he had given me the right bundle. I
|
|
rather suspect he wanted me to take care of another
|
|
batch of his papers which, after his death, I saw the
|
|
manager examining under the lamp. And the girl
|
|
talked, easing her pain in the certitude of my sympa-
|
|
thy; she talked as thirsty men drink. I had heard that
|
|
her engagement with Kurtz had been disapproved by
|
|
her people. He wasn't rich enough or something. And
|
|
indeed I don't know whether he had not been a pau-
|
|
per all his life. He had given me some reason to infer
|
|
that it was his impatience of comparative poverty that
|
|
drove him out there.
|
|
" '. . . Who was not his friend who had heard him
|
|
speak once?' she was saying. 'He drew men towards
|
|
him by what was best in them.' She looked at me with
|
|
intensity. 'It is the gift of the great,' she went on, and
|
|
the sound of her low voice seemed to have the ac-
|
|
companiment of all the other sounds, full of mystery,
|
|
desolation, and sorrow, I had ever heard -- the ripple
|
|
of the river, the soughing of the trees swayed by the
|
|
wind, the murmurs of the crowds, the faint ring of
|
|
incomprehensible words cried from afar, the whisper
|
|
of a voice speaking from beyond the threshold of an
|
|
eternal darkness. 'But you have heard him! You
|
|
know!' she cried.
|
|
" 'Yes, I know,' I said with something like despair
|
|
in my heart, but bowing my head before the faith that
|
|
was in her, before that great and saving illusion
|
|
that shone with an unearthly glow in the darkness, in
|
|
the triumphant darkness from which I could not have
|
|
defended her -- from which I could not even defend
|
|
myself.
|
|
" 'What a loss to me -- to us!' -- she corrected her-
|
|
self with beautiful generosity; then added in a mur-
|
|
mur, 'To the world.' By the last gleams of twilight I
|
|
could see the glitter of her eyes, full of tears -- of tears
|
|
that would not fall.
|
|
" 'I have been very happy -- very fortunate -- very
|
|
proud,' she went on. 'Too fortunate. Too happy for a
|
|
little while. And now I am unhappy for -- for life.'
|
|
"She stood up; her fair hair seemed to catch all the
|
|
remaining light in a glimmer of gold. I rose, too.
|
|
" 'And of all this,' she went on mournfully, 'of all
|
|
his promise, and of all his greatness, of his generous
|
|
mind, of his noble heart, nothing remains -- nothing
|
|
but a memory. You and I --'
|
|
" 'We shall always remember him,' I said hastily.
|
|
" 'No!' she cried. 'It is impossible that all this
|
|
should be lost -- that such a life should be sacrificed to
|
|
leave nothing -- but sorrow. You know what vast plans
|
|
he had. I knew of them, too -- I could not perhaps
|
|
understand -- but others knew of them. Something
|
|
must remain. His words, at least, have not died.'
|
|
" 'His words will remain,' I said.
|
|
" 'And his example,' she whispered to herself. 'Men
|
|
looked up to him -- his goodness shone in every act.
|
|
His example --'
|
|
" 'True,' I said; 'his example, too. Yes, his example.
|
|
I forgot that.'
|
|
" 'But I do not. I cannot -- I cannot believe -- not
|
|
yet. I cannot believe that I shall never see him again,
|
|
that nobody will see him again, never, never, never.'
|
|
"She put out her arms as if after a retreating figure,
|
|
stretching them back and with clasped pale hands
|
|
across the fading and narrow sheen of the window.
|
|
Never see him! I saw him clearly enough then. I
|
|
shall see this eloquent phantom as long as I live, and
|
|
I shall see her, too, a tragic and familiar Shade,
|
|
resembling in this gesture another one, tragic also,
|
|
and bedecked with powerless charms, stretching bare
|
|
brown arms over the glitter of the infernal stream,
|
|
the stream of darkness. She said suddenly very low,
|
|
'He died as he lived.'
|
|
" 'His end,' said I, with dull anger stirring in me,
|
|
'was in every way worthy of his life.'
|
|
" 'And I was not with him,' she murmured. My
|
|
anger subsided before a feeling of infinite pity.
|
|
" 'Everything that could be done --' I mumbled.
|
|
" 'Ah, but I believed in him more than any one on
|
|
earth -- more than his own mother, more than -- him-
|
|
self. He needed me! Me! I would have treasured
|
|
every sigh, every word, every sign, every glance.'
|
|
"I felt like a chill grip on my chest. 'Don't,' I said,
|
|
in a muffled voice.
|
|
" 'Forgive me. I -- I have mourned so long in
|
|
silence -- in silence.... You were with him -- to the
|
|
last? I think of his loneliness. Nobody near to under-
|
|
stand him as I would have understood. Perhaps no
|
|
one to hear....'
|
|
" 'To the very end,' I said, shakily. 'I heard his
|
|
very last words....' I stopped in a fright.
|
|
" 'Repeat them,' she murmured in a heart-broken
|
|
tone. 'I want -- I want -- something -- something -- to --
|
|
to live with.'
|
|
"I was on the point of crying at her, 'Don't you
|
|
hear them?' The dusk was repeating them in a per-
|
|
sistent whisper all around us, in a whisper that seemed
|
|
to swell menacingly like the first whisper of a rising
|
|
wind. 'The horror! The horror!'
|
|
" 'His last word -- to live with,' she insisted. 'Don't
|
|
you understand I loved him -- I loved him -- I loved
|
|
him!'
|
|
"I pulled myself together and spoke slowly.
|
|
"'The last word he pronounced was -- your name.'
|
|
"I heard a light sigh and then my heart stood still,
|
|
stopped dead short by an exulting and terrible cry, by
|
|
the cry of inconceivable triumph and of unspeakable
|
|
pain. 'I knew it -- I was sure!' . . . She knew. She was
|
|
sure. I heard her weeping; she had hidden her face
|
|
in her hands. It seemed to me that the house would
|
|
collapse before I could escape, that the heavens
|
|
would fall upon my head. But nothing happened. The
|
|
heavens do not fall for such a trifle. Would they have
|
|
fallen, I wonder, if I had rendered Kurtz that justice
|
|
which was his due? Hadn't he said he wanted only
|
|
justice? But I couldn't. I could not tell her. It would
|
|
have been too dark -- too dark altogether...."
|
|
Marlow ceased, and sat apart, indistinct and silent,
|
|
in the pose of a meditating Buddha. Nobody moved
|
|
for a time. "We have lost the first of the ebb," said
|
|
the Director suddenly. I raised my head. The offing
|
|
was barred by a black bank of clouds, and the tran-
|
|
quil waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the
|
|
earth flowed sombre under an overcast sky -- seemed
|
|
to lead into the heart of an immense darkness.
|