114 lines
5.8 KiB
Groff
114 lines
5.8 KiB
Groff
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1 1 t h H H OO U U RRRRR
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11 11 ttt h H H O O U U R R
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1 1 1 1 t hhh H H O O U U R R
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1 1 t h h H H O O U U R R
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1 1 tt h h HHHHH O O U U RRRRR
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1 1 H H O O U U R R
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1 1 H H O O U U R R
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1 1 H H O O U U R R
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11111 11111 H H OO UUU R R
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P R O D U C T I O N S
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Presents...
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"Bagel-Man"
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by
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Aldebaran
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Richard was an honest boy. He was not the brightest student
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in his class, but he was sincere. Ever since he was a young boy
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entering elementary school, Richard wanted only to be accepted by
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others. But for some reason, Richard was different from all the other
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boys and girls. There was something different, something special,
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about Richard. His appearance was plain: barely over five feet, dark
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hair, acne; not an unusual appearance for this junior in high school.
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But Richard was never understood by the others. There was a difference
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between Richard and the others that no person could even begin to
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understand. It all began when Richard was a freshman in high school...
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Richard had just moved to Plimpton the previous summer. Richard
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came to school the first day prepared to make a good first impression
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on all his future classmates and friends. He was wearing his Keds
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sneakers and his Osh Kosh shirt, pocket protector and his bowl cut
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hairdo. Richard was ready to make some friends and start a great new
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life in Plimpton. He entered the school with a bright smile on his
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face, ready to go. Entering the small brick school, he found it
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bustling with other students, all excited about the start of the school
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year. Richard eventually met a few people, and but none were friendly
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towards him. And soon, his luck went further downhill when he felt
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nature's inevitable call.
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Richard had little trouble finding the single lavatory in the
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school. As Richard swung open the door and stepped inside, he sensed
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that all was not well. A cloud of putrid fumes hung ominously
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overhead, and from inside a stall heavy breathing could be heard. The
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stall swung open, and a figure emerged from the smoky depths of the
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lavatory. "Hey, what the fuck are you starin' at, geek boy?"
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The burnout was more than six feet tall, with long tangled hair, a
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torn denim jacket and tight leather pants. The heavy chain hanging ouf
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his belt clattered loudly as he stepped up in front of Richard.
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"I... I... I need to pee..." stammered Richard.
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Richard had never seen a burnout before, coming from his rural
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villiage of thirty students.
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"You wanna take a leak, shithead? Take this you geek!" the tall
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burnout shouted as he lowered his pants and urinated on Richard.
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Richard was frozen in fear. He could do nothing to resist the
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humiliation he was being put through. After what seemed an eternity to
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Richard, the burnout walked towards the door.
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"If your geek friends ask who did this to ya', tell them it was
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the Skulta. And don't let me see you trying to take a leak in my
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pissroom again, or you won't get off so easy."
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With that, Skulta left, and Richard was left alone. Mortified,
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Richard climbed out the lavatory window and ran home.
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That night, Richard grew restless. Searching for an escape from
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his troubles, Richard took a walk through Plimpton park. It was a hot
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and toasty night, and Richard soon had to stop for a rest beside a
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phone pole. He sat down beside it, and was about to fall asleep, when
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he heard a voice from above...
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"Hello what!" said the voice, as the dark figure descended from
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the pole. "I'm Bollix. You can just call me Bollix, if you want.
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What can I do you for?"
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"Well, mister, I'm nothing. Nobody likes me anymore.
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And...and... today in the bathroom, the Skulta peed on me and got me
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smelly and sticky!"
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"Well it serves you right! You're boring... umm.. no. I didn't
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say that. What I meant to say is that you could avoid all this
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alienation and crap. What you need, my small friend, is a gimmick!"
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A look of interest arose on Richard's face, as Bollix revealed his
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plan to give Richard a new image... a gimmick.
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"What you've got to do is get a gimmick. Something unique.
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Something special. You know... a gimmick. Like the professional
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wrestlers. But you know, they have lame gimmicks what. You need
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something impressive. You can be... umm... let's see... you can be...
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BAGEL MAN! That's it! It's your new image! Your gimmick! Trust me,
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if you follow my instructions, you'll have the babes all over you and
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the Skulta trembling at your feet!"
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Bollix proceeded to instruct Richard on the details of his new
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image, and by the next morning, when he came to school, Richard was no
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longer the young innocent boy he was the day before... he was no longer
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Richard... he was... Bagel-Man!
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Part II coming soon!
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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(C) 1991 by Janitor Brand & The Eleventh Hour
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All Rights Curiously Examined And Contemplated
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"The Purple Duck Flies South at Noon"
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Call these fine boards:
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The Janitor's Closet - (617) 69X-XXXX
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The Works - (617) 861-8976 |