140 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
140 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
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A LISTENER'S AND PLAYER'S GUIDE
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TO
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THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
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ARTHUR DENT
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Arthur Dent is one of the last two surviving Earthlings.
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BABEL FISH
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A mind-bogglingly improbably creative. A babel-fish, when placed in
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one's ear, allows one to understand any language.
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EARTH
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Mostly harmless.
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FLUFF
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Fluff is interesting stuff: a deadly poison on Bodega Minor, the
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diet staple of Frazelon V, the unit of currency on the moons of the
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Blurfoid system, and the major crop of the laundry supplies planet,
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Blatus III.
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FORD PREFECT
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Ford Prefect is a roving researcher for The Hitchhiker's Guide To
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The Galaxy.
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GENUINE PEOPLE PERSONALITIES
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Genuine People Personalities are a misguided attempt by the Sirius
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Cybernetics Corporation to make their machines behave more like
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people. Among the more miserable failures: paranoid-depressive
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robots and over-protective computers.
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HEART OF GOLD
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"There is absolutely no such spaceship as the Heart of Gold and
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anything you've ever read in this spot to the contrary was just a
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prank." -- Galactic Security Agency
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HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
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The Hitchhiker's Guide is a wholly remarkable product. But then
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again, you must already know that, since you bought one.
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MAGRATHEA
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According to legend, Magrathea was a planet that amassed incredible
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wealth by manufacturing other planets.
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MARVIN
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Marvin is a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation robot with the new
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Genuine People Personalities feature.
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MICROSCOPIC SPACE FLEET
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The editor responsible for entries under this heading has been out
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to lunch for a couple of years but is expected back soon, at which
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point there will be rapid updates. Until then, don't panic, unless
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your situation is really a life or death one, in which case, sure,
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go ahead, panic.
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NUTRIMAT
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A typically unreliable Sirius Cybernetics Corporation product, the
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Nutrimat analyses the user's neural paths to provide the
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(supposedly) ideal offering.
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PERIL-SENSITIVE SUNGLASSES
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A must for the serious hitchhiker, peril-sensitive sunglasses darken
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at the first hint of danger, thus shielding the wearer from seeing
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anything alarming. Recommended brand: Joo Janta.
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RAVENOUS BUGBLATTER BEAST OF TRAAL
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The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal is a mind-bogglingly stupid
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animal. Here is an example of how stupid it is: it thinks that if
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you can't see it, it can't see you. Its behavior would be quite
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endearing if it wasn't spoilt by this one thing: it is the most
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violently carnivorous creative in the galaxy.
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SIRIUS CYBERNETICS CORPORATION
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The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation incompetently produces a wide
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range of inefficient and unreliable high-tech machinery. However,
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thanks to the SCC's ruthless marketing division, this junk accounts
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for over 95% of the high-tech machinery sold in the galaxy.
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SPACE
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If you hyperventilate and then empty your lungs, you will last about
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thirty seconds in the vacuum of space. However,
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because space is so
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vastly hugely mind bogglingly big, getting picked up by another ship
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within those thirty seconds is almost infinitely improbable.
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THUMB
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The Electronic Sub-Etha Auto Hitching Thumb is a wonderful thing,
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but should not be mistreated. If used while a ship is near, you
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will be transported there. If no ship is in the vicinity, you will
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place a heavy strain on the Thumb's logic circuits, which could lead
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to malfunction. The Thumb carries the usual Sirius Cybernbetics
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Corporation lifetime guarantees.
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TOWEL
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A towel is a the most useful thing (besides the Guide) a galactic
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hitchhiker can have. Its uses include travel, combat,
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communications, protection from the elements, hand-drying and
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reassurance. Towels have great symbolic value, with many associated
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points of honour. Never mock the towel of another, even if it has
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little pink and blue flowers on it. Never do something to somebody
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else's towel that you would not want them to do to yours. And, if
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you borrow the towel of another, you must return it before leaving
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their world.
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TRILLIAN
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Trillian is the other surviving Earthling.
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VOGONS
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Vogons, whose specialties are bureaucracy and planet-smashing, are
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the most unpleasant race in the galaxy. They wouldn't life a finger
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to save their own grandmother from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of
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Traal.
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ZAPHOD BEEBLEBROX
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Zaphod Beeblebrox is the current President of the Galaxy.
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
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& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
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Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649
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Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
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realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043
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Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102
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Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
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arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
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insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.
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Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
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where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
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"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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