362 lines
9.1 KiB
Plaintext
362 lines
9.1 KiB
Plaintext
From: rick360jg@aol.com (Rick360JG)
|
|
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
|
|
Subject: X-Files X-mas Carols
|
|
Date: 3 Dec 1994 14:10:04 -0500
|
|
|
|
These are a few of the X-Files related X-mas carols I wrote during a bout
|
|
with insomnia. Send all comments and criticisms to RICK360JG@DELPHI.COM or
|
|
RICK360JG@AOL.COM. Copyright 1994 W. Y. Chan. All characters copyrighted
|
|
by whoever owns 'em, blah, blah, blah.
|
|
|
|
|
|
To the tune of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"
|
|
|
|
Scully the Red Haired Agent
|
|
Had a very Spooky friend
|
|
And if you ever saw him,
|
|
You'll know what we ment
|
|
|
|
All of the other agents
|
|
Used to shout and call him names
|
|
They never let poor Mulder
|
|
Gain any other fame
|
|
|
|
Then after many false leads,
|
|
Skinner came to say,
|
|
"Mulder with your brain so bright,"
|
|
"Won't you come and solve this case tonight?"
|
|
|
|
Mulder caught the perp quickly
|
|
All the agents shouted with glee
|
|
Special Agent Mulder,
|
|
Just don't mention an E.B.E.
|
|
|
|
|
|
To the tune of "Jingle Bells"
|
|
|
|
Flying through the sky
|
|
Been orbiting planet Earth
|
|
The red head we spy
|
|
Beam her off the turf
|
|
|
|
Making Scully scream
|
|
Can't remember maple leaves
|
|
All Mulder can dream is of vampy Perrey Reeves
|
|
|
|
Oh, E.B.Es, E.B.Es
|
|
'napping all the way
|
|
Leaving crop circles here and implanting Scully's head, HEY!
|
|
|
|
E.B.Es, E.B.Es
|
|
'napping all the way
|
|
Cancer Man, what did you do?
|
|
Mulder should have killed you
|
|
|
|
To the tune of "Frosty the Snowman"
|
|
|
|
Toomsy the Gut Man,
|
|
Was a very biley soul.
|
|
With a stretchy arm
|
|
and a frozen charm,
|
|
For his next liver meal where'll he go?
|
|
|
|
Toomsy the Gut Man,
|
|
Needed one liver to go.
|
|
Slither by down here
|
|
for a biley beer.
|
|
So that Toomsy can grow really old.
|
|
|
|
|
|
From: rick360jg@aol.com (Rick360JG)
|
|
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
|
|
Subject: X-Files X-mas Carols #2
|
|
Date: 5 Dec 1994 01:25:17 -0500
|
|
|
|
These are more X-Files X-mas Carols.
|
|
|
|
To the tune of "Deck the Halls"
|
|
|
|
Swim the sewers with the Flukie
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
Incubate its squiggly baby
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
Chow down now our juicy livers
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
Tis the reason to cook raw meat
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
|
|
Cut the corpse with Doctor Scully
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
Hear her explain bullet entry
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
Wield the scalpel with precision
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
Would you like to be the body
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
|
|
Check you back with Mister Spooky
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
Don't forget to wear clean undies
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
Hope they're not alien markers
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
Just 'squito bites, don't you worry
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
|
|
Drink digitalis with Eve Three
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
Half an ounce will kill a horsey
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
Don't turn your back on psycho Eve
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
Only sip from your own Pepsi
|
|
Fa la la la la la la la la
|
|
|
|
To the tune of "Silent Night"
|
|
|
|
Silent night, vampire bite
|
|
All blood's gone, all drained dry
|
|
'round Mulder's neck is Scully's gold cross
|
|
Kristen Kilar's bonier than Moss
|
|
Drinking heavenly bluh-ud
|
|
Drinking heavenly blood
|
|
|
|
Silent night, vampire bite
|
|
Bread's full of unclotted blood
|
|
Trapped in a L.A. jail is The Son
|
|
Burnt to a crisp from the morning sun
|
|
Slurping raspberry sa-auce
|
|
Slurping raspberry sauce
|
|
|
|
Silent night, vampire bite
|
|
Mulder sex, clothes stay on
|
|
Nicked his jaw with the Lady Gillette
|
|
Should have known it's dull, shaving armpit
|
|
Kristen die-ie-ied exploding
|
|
Kristen died exploding
|
|
|
|
|
|
From: rick360jg@aol.com (Rick360JG)
|
|
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
|
|
Subject: X-Files X-mas Carols #3
|
|
Date: 6 Dec 1994 02:40:06 -0500
|
|
|
|
As usual, send comments and criticisms to Rick360jg@delphi.com or
|
|
Rick360jg@aol.com. Draw a letter C with a circle around it and1994
|
|
by W.Y.Chan. Characters ain't used by no stinkin' permission!
|
|
|
|
I'm not really sure how "Hark, the ??? Angels Sing" goes(see what I
|
|
mean?),
|
|
so bear with me ;-)
|
|
|
|
Hark, the fungal protuberence sprouts!
|
|
Glory to the newborn spout
|
|
Pieces of her go flying south
|
|
As she gags from throat to mouth
|
|
|
|
Scully spooked as she got cuffed
|
|
Jesse O'Neil huffed and puffed
|
|
Trepkos holds Mulder hostage
|
|
Oh beware of the basidio-sausage
|
|
|
|
Trepkos holds Mulder hostage
|
|
Don't lose your X-File linkage
|
|
|
|
Hark, the Federal Agent runs!
|
|
Glory to his loaded gun
|
|
He has the key to set her free
|
|
Scully hefts Jess like a flea
|
|
|
|
Boom goes Jesse's throat and neck
|
|
Silica spores fly in specks
|
|
Mulder wants her survival
|
|
Scully's smarts is still reliable
|
|
|
|
Mulder wants her survival
|
|
To investigate yet another X-File
|
|
|
|
To the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"
|
|
|
|
He'll dish you the bloody carnage
|
|
He'll dish you the bloody carnage
|
|
He'll dish you the bloody carnage
|
|
And a drippy new ear
|
|
|
|
Good chow you'll make, how sweet and tender you are
|
|
Good chow you'll make and a nice dessert too
|
|
|
|
You'll wish you drank for cirrhosis
|
|
You'll wish you drank for cirrhosis
|
|
You'll wish you drank for cirrhosis
|
|
And a big gallstone too
|
|
|
|
The taste of bile, so much like green honey
|
|
Works much better than Oil of Olay
|
|
|
|
He'll nosh you to tiny nuggets
|
|
He'll nosh you to tiny nuggets
|
|
He'll nosh you to tiny nuggets
|
|
And a steamy man-beer
|
|
|
|
Nap time has come in Sixty-Six Exeter
|
|
I will lunch soon in about thirty years
|
|
|
|
This one's a shorty cuz I'm sleepy
|
|
To the tune of "Silver bells"
|
|
|
|
Darkness falls
|
|
Darkness falls
|
|
Soon it will be just right to go out swarming
|
|
Hear them nag, "Bag the Mag!"
|
|
'cause they forgot to charge the ni-cad
|
|
|
|
Hear us work, slurp and burp
|
|
Thanks for not emulating beef jerk
|
|
|
|
From: rick360jg@aol.com (Rick360JG)
|
|
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
|
|
Subject: X-Files X-mas Carols #4
|
|
Date: 10 Dec 1994 18:10:33 -0500
|
|
|
|
This is another mirepoix of X-Files flavored X-mas Carols, simmered
|
|
ever-so-gently with a bouquet barney and a hint of truffle. All
|
|
characters, copyrighted by 10-13, Chris Carter, etc. not used by
|
|
permission. Send all comments and criticisms to rick360jg@delphi.com or
|
|
rick360jg@aol.com. Circle with a C in it + 1994=W. Y. Chan.
|
|
|
|
To the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree"
|
|
|
|
Oh E.B.E, oh E.B.E
|
|
Your sighting makes me quiver
|
|
You make my stopwatch lose some time
|
|
I will follow you and Ranheim
|
|
Oh E.B.E, oh E.B.E
|
|
You've zapped my Geiger counter
|
|
|
|
Oh E.B.E, oh E.B.E
|
|
Dropped in with the Lone Gun Men
|
|
"Ooh, she is hot," said Frohike
|
|
To a disbelieving Scully
|
|
Oh E.B.E, oh E.B.E
|
|
Don't talk til you've checked your pen
|
|
|
|
Oh E.B.E, oh E.B.E
|
|
Got some IDs from Langly
|
|
Went to Northwest Facility
|
|
Too late, you are dead already
|
|
Oh E.B.E, oh E.B.E
|
|
Stranger than fat-assed Barney
|
|
|
|
To the tune of "Joy to the World"
|
|
|
|
Joy to the World, Phoebe has come
|
|
Let her revive the fling
|
|
Let Mulder's heart prepare her room
|
|
Scully finds it disturbing
|
|
Scully finds it disturbing
|
|
Scully finds it disturbing
|
|
|
|
Joy to the World, Mulder is dumb
|
|
Let him recant the past
|
|
Their love life was a conundrum
|
|
I swear this time it will last
|
|
I swear this time it will last
|
|
I swear this time it will last
|
|
|
|
Joy to the World, Cecil is burnt
|
|
Let him put out the light
|
|
Rocket fuel we think we learnt
|
|
Mulder's eyes are burning bright
|
|
Mulder's eyes are burning bright
|
|
Mulder's eyes are burning bright
|
|
|
|
Joy to the world, you have been used
|
|
Kissed Malcolm on stairwell
|
|
How can you be so damn obtuse
|
|
Bid you a final farewell
|
|
Bid you a final farewell
|
|
Next time we meet shall be in hell
|
|
|
|
"The Wassail Song," as Sung by Ratboy
|
|
|
|
Here I come a-bludgeoning
|
|
The tram operator
|
|
Here I come a-poisoning
|
|
Duane the kidnapper
|
|
|
|
*Grease and sweat in my hair*
|
|
*Scully walked into their snare*
|
|
*And Smoking Man said to keep an eye on Mulder*
|
|
*I'm Darth Vader to his Emperor*
|
|
|
|
I'm so jealous of his
|
|
Fully filled Speedo
|
|
My own boys, li'ler
|
|
than a mosquito
|
|
|
|
*Beady-eyed, that is me*
|
|
*Did not have sex with Marty*
|
|
*Do not confuse me with another guest starrer*
|
|
*That poor sap was on Genderbender*
|
|
|
|
There I go a-vanishing
|
|
'cause of cigarette butts
|
|
Got to go a-lawyering
|
|
With Lionel Hutz
|
|
|
|
*Pretty soon, I'll be back*
|
|
*When they quiet all this flak*
|
|
*And considering Chris Carter's casting styles*
|
|
*I predict season three of X-Files*
|
|
|
|
|
|
Date: Sun, 11 Dec 1994 15:26:29 -0500
|
|
Subject: Re: "Carol of the Files"
|
|
From: aep5@hearst.cac.psu.edu (amy peters)
|
|
Reply-To: trump@leland.Stanford.EDU (Michael Jason Lewis)
|
|
|
|
Forwarding yet another X-F Christmas carol from alt.tv.x-files. Enjoy!
|
|
|
|
In article <3cbt9v$br9@nntp.Stanford.EDU>
|
|
trump@leland.Stanford.EDU (Michael Jason Lewis) writes:
|
|
|
|
To the tune of "Carol of the Bells"
|
|
|
|
Con - spir - a - cy
|
|
Con - spir - a - cy
|
|
|
|
Hark how the feds
|
|
mess with our heads
|
|
spreading their lies
|
|
"Crafts from the skies,
|
|
|
|
Aliens here?
|
|
No! Never fear --
|
|
"toxin's controlled,"
|
|
that's what we're told --
|
|
|
|
Dana's faked out,
|
|
Fox has his doubts --
|
|
they separate, investigate:
|
|
|
|
Scully the doctor
|
|
finds facts that shock her
|
|
Mulder tracks leads,
|
|
now Dana believes --
|
|
|
|
G-men, soldiers, evil -
|
|
Look they've solved it! OOPS!
|
|
Evidence destroyed --
|
|
they can't resolve it! BOO!
|
|
|
|
On they defend
|
|
truth without end
|
|
Government probe
|
|
each episode....
|
|
|
|
--Laura
|
|
(This is my first post to this group -- it's really my fiance's
|
|
account, but I play around every now and then. I've really enjoyed what
|
|
I've read so far!)
|
|
|