149 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
149 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
as789@cleveland.Freenet.Edu Francisco J. Diaz at Case
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Western Reserve University wrote:
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"Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the
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Microsoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to
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begin a sequel."
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"Captain, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."
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"Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?"
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"Captain, are you sur-r-re you want to r-r-replace the system? If ye put
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Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a
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matter-antimatter explosion!"
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"Scotty, that's an order."
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"Aye, Captain, but she's just not ready. She needs a proper beta shakedown."
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"That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?"
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"We're on disk 5, sir."
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"Good. Spock?"
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"Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is
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scanning our hardware and
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mutating to adapt."
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"Then, Spock, can you tell me why it is saying it can't use
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the Microsoft sound
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card, which works fine as configured under Windows 3.1?"
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"Unknown, Captain."
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"Will it use a ProAudio Spectrum?"
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"Unknown, Captain."
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"How about a Sound Blaster?"
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"Unknown, Captain."
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"What good are you, anyway?"
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"Box-office attraction, Captain."
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"Bones?"
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"I'm a doctor, not a hardware technician."
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"Spock, cancel the Microsoft sound card and install the ProAudio Spectrum.
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Chekov, finish the software installation. Sulu, reboot the system when it's
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ready and prepare to go to task speed on my signal."
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"Aye, aye, Captain."
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"Chekov?"
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"We've just entered the desktop zone, Captain."
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"Captain, she canna take it much more. Another 15 sectors and the engines'll
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burn up fer sur-r-re."
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"Scotty, we haven't even started yet."
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"Sorry, Captain, I just haven't had a line in so long..."
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"Sulu, go to task 1. Bring up the README.TXT in the Notepad."
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"Aye, Captain."
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"Wait a minute. Cancel that order. Plot a shortcut to the README.TXT in the
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desktop zone. We'll be navigating back there frequently."
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"Yes, sir."
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"Spock?"
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"It seems as if we have a hardware conflict, sir. The ProAudio Spectrum 16
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isn't responding, either in sound or SCSI."
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"Disable the card, Spock."
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"I'm sorry, sir. It won't disable the SCSI without stopping the sound card
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first. And it won't disable the sound card without disabling the SCSI first."
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"Captain, an enemy ship is approaching at 12 o'clock."
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"[Looks at watch.] Good, that gives us a little more time to debug these
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systems."
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"No, sir. The ship is already upon us."
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"Uhura?"
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"Scanning all frequencies, sir. I'm trying to get an image,
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sir, but the system
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is awfully slow."
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"Scotty, what's happening down there..."
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"Quick, Sulu, bring up the README.TXT file."
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"Captain -- it's gone. Some other task in the system must
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have moved or changed
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it."
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"Long-range scan, Chekov."
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"I found it, Captain. Wait a minute. This README.TXT file
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is for the game Lands
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of Lore, with Patrick Stewart doing the voice of King Richard."
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"Patrick Stewart?"
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"You've never heard of Patrick Stewart?"
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"No.
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[Boom as the enemy hits ship with photon torpedo, then large zapping sound,
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then either ship moves back and forth, or people sway left
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and right, depending
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on perspective. Sparks fly from console, fires glare, indicating what would
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normally be ir-r-reparable damage, yet will be fixed in just minutes.]
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"Sulu, take evasive action; otherwise it's certain doom!"
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"Aye, aye, Captain. It certainly is Doom and I don't mind saying I'm getting
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awfully sick of this demo. Doom is one of the most stable games on the market
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and it runs under OS/2 with no problems whatsoever."
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"We've got...to get...to the kernel. Uhura...notify...the...kernel at Star
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Fleet."
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"Captain, I think either communications is breaking up, or
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you're dropping into
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melodramatic Shakespearean stammer mode again."
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"Spock?"
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"Fascinating, Captain. It would seem that the needs of the few have outweighed
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the needs of the many."
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"Scotty, get us out of here!"
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"Sorry, Captain, the engine is no longer responding! We'll have to do a hard
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boot to r-r-recover."
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"Bones?"
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