151 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
151 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
Path: moe.ksu.ksu.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!think.com!spool.mu.edu!uunet!world!kibo
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From: kibo@world.std.com (James 'Kibo' Parry)
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Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.startrek.creative,alt.religion.kibology
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Subject: THEY SAVED BIFF"S BRANE PART 6 (THE END !!!!!!!111)
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Keywords: BIFF, BIFF"S BRANE, Spot, SP0T, STAR TRECK THE 0RIJINAL SEEREEZ
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Message-ID: <BJstG9.B4r@world.std.com>
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Date: 18 Feb 92 03:52:56 GMT
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Article-I.D.: world.BJstG9.B4r
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Organization: A room filled with typography (in Boston's Back Bay)
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Lines: 137
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Xref: moe.ksu.ksu.edu talk.bizarre:78178 alt.startrek.creative:1583
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[]
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The latest of the wacky misadventures of BIFF's off-gray matter.
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(One of the BIFFs just posted to rec.food.cooking... woo.)
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-- Kibo
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--
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**********************************************************
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**********************************************************
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**********************************************************
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**********************************************************
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******** *********
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******** THEY SAVED BIFF"S BRANE PART 6 !!!!!1 *********
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******** BIFF MEATS SPOT !!!! *********
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******** *********
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******** THE FINEL EPIS0D !!!!!!11 *********
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******** *********
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******** BUY KIBIFF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 *********
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******** *********
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**********************************************************
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**********************************************************
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**********************************************************
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**********************************************************
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ASTERISKS C0URTESY 0F THE ASTA RISC 2000
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REDUCED INSTRUCTI0N SET PUNCTUATI0N GENERAT0R!
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FILM F00TAGE FR0M "STAR TREK 5" C0URTESY 0F
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PARAM0UNDS/ALM0ND J0Y INC!
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BIFF APPEARED C0URTESY 0F THE PSU MENTAL H0SPITAL!
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SP0T APPEARED BECAUSE HE WASN'T ALL0WED T0 REFUSE!!!
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Biff was between lobotomies this week. He was wandering around his
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dorm room aimlessly. MY BRANE FEELZ K00L, he thought, because they had
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not yet put the top of his skull back.
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* * * * *
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Meanwhile, in deep deep dark space, at the creamy center of the
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Milky Way, the USS Enterprise flashed its turn signals.
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* * * * *
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BIFF tripped over his pet gerbil Dinky, and his brain fell out. It
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fell against the window while the window was open. The window was also
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ten stories above the street. The brain plummeted. It struck the
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ground like a water balloon without the balloon. BIFF didn't notice
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and tried to iron out the kinks in his iron's electrical cord.
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* * * * *
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The USS Enterprise encountered a barrier of asterisks across the
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center of the galaxy. The ship was doomed!
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* * * * *
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"0W 0W !!!!111 0W !!!!111 I G0T A BLISTER!" shouted BIFF. He
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tried to pop it only to discover it was his eyeball. He leaned out the
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window to scream in pain, and noticed his brain lying on the sidewalk
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directly below, as well as below to the left and across the street.
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In the mild breeze, BIFF's brain quivered indecisively like Jell-O,
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and then relaxed like a lump of Spam. Spot ambled over, his dog tags
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jingling in the wind.
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"What's this?" yapped Spot. "Looks like Spam! I love Spam!"
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(munch, munch)
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* * * * *
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"Warp five zillion," ordered Kirk. Sulu pressed the magic button
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and the Enterprise whooshed away from the center of the galaxy. Kirk
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sobbed. Because the ship had been unable to reach the center of the
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galaxy, he had been unable to complete his mission of buying cigarettes
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at every 7-11 in the Universe within five years. The 7-11 at the
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galactic core was rumored to have fresh Dakotas. Kirk would never
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know.
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"Dammit, Jim," McCoy growled, "don't you know smoking's bad for
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you? Here, try this air-hypo of Saurian heroin."
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* * * * *
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"Wow, that Spam tasted weird," yapped Spot. "In fact, it's HAVING
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A STRANGE EFECT 0N ME !!!!!!!HELP !!!!!!111" Spot's fur fell off with
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a *SPLAT*. He noticed that the spot on his side had mutated into a
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large asterisk!
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* * * * *
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Kirk adjusted his shirt. "Mr. Scott, execute Starfleet General
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Order Two Zero Zero Six."
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"`Self-destruct for no particular reason', Sir?"
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"That's the one, Scotty."
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"But, Sair... I kinna do it... I hae not the insurance..."
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"You have your orders, Mr. Scott. Follow them or I'll keelhaul you
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all the way through the Crab Nebula. Kirk out."
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In Engineering, Scotty prepared to push the button labeled NEVER
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PRESS THIS BUTTON SINCE IT MAKES THE WHOLE SHIP BLOW UP, but discovered
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that he couldn't reach it with his paw. Some sinister force had
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changed Scotty into a scotty! He barked and ran in circles,
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frustrated.
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* * * * *
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Meanwhile, Spot, now possessed by the spirit of BIFF, was building
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a spaceship from his Tinkertoys and his C64. He wanted to go explore
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deep space, or as he put it, 2 XPL0R DEEP SPASE. You can see where
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this is leading, can't you? Obviously, Spot/BIFF will meet
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Scotty/scotty and they'll either fall in love... or else they'll beat
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each other to death with pool cues!
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* * * * *
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Scotty was chasing shuttlecraft, barking at them.
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* * * * *
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Spot's spaceship, THE J00PITER 1, lifted off with a massive cloud
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of smoke that smelled like bacon. In reached orbit within minutes and
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collided with the USS Enterprise. Spot stepped out onto the wreckage
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of the Enterprise's bridge.
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"W0W !!! THIS IS JSUT LIEK STAR TRECK !!!!!!111" he yapped.
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"My HERO!" barked Scotty, giving Spot a big wet kiss. Then they
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beat each other to death with pool cues. The Enterprise, out of
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control, sailed into the Sun and dissolved.
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T H E E N D
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DEDICATTED T0 THE MEMERY 0F BIFFS BRANE !!!!!!!1
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--
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.................. ...................................................
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James "Kibo" Parry 271 Dartmouth St #3D, Boston MA 02116 (617)262-3922
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kibo@world.std.com Independent graphic designer and typeface designer.
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