99 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
99 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
A Few Cruel and Unusual Tortures That Women Perpetrate on Men
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1. Telling you you have a nicely SHAPED penis but never mentioning its size.
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2. Not saying what is bothering her and answering all inquiries with "if you
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don't know you will never understand."
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3. Deciding to explain what is bugging her at three in the morning.
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4. Correcting you, in public, on the actual size of the fish you caught in
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Colorado.
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5. Lording it over your sister from New Jersey.
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6. Reminding you of her past lovers.
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7. Reminding you of YOUR past lovers.
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8. Insisting she will keep the baby if she is pregnant, even if she has to
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raise it alone, and always on the first day her period is late.
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9. Forgetting to bring her diaphragm for the weekend at the cabin.
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10. Describing in minute detail her visit to the gynecologist.
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11. Suddenly turning vegetarian on you.
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12. Hassling you when you get drunk.
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13. Hassling you when SHE gets drunk.
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14. Wearing your favourite dress (the low-cut one) when she has drinks with
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"just an old friend."
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15. Playing Joni Mitchell records while you are trying to get over a hangover.
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16. Vacuuming while you are trying to get over a hangover.
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17. Calling her mother and explaining her side of the story after you've had a
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fight.
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18. Calling YOUR mother and explaining her side of the story after you've had
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a fight.
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19. Packing high heels on a camping trip.
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20. Cutting your hair herself and telling you it looks really good.
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21. Making you carry all her junk in your pockets when you go to a party.
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22. Insisting you go see Vanessa Redgrave movies when you're in the mood for
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Arnold Schwarzeneggar.
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23. Telling you the next morning that she didn't really have an orgasm the
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night before.
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24. Refusing to kiss you at home, INSISTING on kissing you while you are
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talking to the most beautiful woman at the party.
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25. Lining the birdcage with the sports page.
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26. Shaving her legs with your razor.
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27. Wanting to play on your softball team.
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28. Finding out from the jeweller how much her engagement ring cost.
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29. Calling you at work in the middle of a dressing-down by your boss to ask
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whether you think her bridesmaids would look better in mauve or fuchsia.
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30. Wanting you to flirt with her mother.
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31. Flirting with your father, then calling you a bum.
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32. Putting you on a diet.
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
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& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
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Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649
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Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
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realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043
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Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102
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Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
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arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
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insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.
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Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
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where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
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"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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