textfiles/sex/squid.pur

From: jearls@tekig6.PEN.TEK.COM (Jeffrey David Earls)
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
Subject: ********* SQUID PURITY TEST *********
Message-ID: <8750@tekig7.PEN.TEK.COM>
Date: 12 Feb 93 15:36:58 GMT
Organization: Tektronix, Inc., Beaverton,  OR.
Lines: 438

It's a party game, it's a hearty salad, it's birdcage lining, it's .....

            ===================================================
            The Official, Sanctioned DoD Squid Purity Test(tm).
            ===================================================

All questions are asked in the context of a street motorcycle ridden on public
highways, unless otherwise noted.


Scoring:  The number in parenthesis after each question is the number of
          points you must add to your cumulative total if your answer to
          the particular question is "yes".  Some questions have special
          instructions.

          On the multiple choice questions, points are as follows
             [a] -1 point
             [b] +2 points
             [c] +4 points
             [d] +7 points
             [e] +10 points


          When you are done, add your points up and divide by 33.96
          This will give you your "squid percentage".


Enjoy.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
General
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Do you know what a motorcycle is? (-1)

 Have you ever seen a picture of a motorcycle? (-1)

 Have you ever seen a motorcycle in person? (-1)

 Have you ever heard a motorcycle? (-1)

 Have you ever touched a motorcycle? (-1)

 Have you ever sat on a motorcycle? (-1)

 Ever ridden on a motorcycle? (-1)

 Can you spell motorcycle? (-1)

 Do you own a motorcycle? (-1)

 Do you own two or more motorcycles? (+1)

 Do you own a non-running motorcycle? (+1)

 Do you own a motorcycle with crash damage? (+1)

 Do you think you know what DoD stands for? (+1)

 Do you _know_ what DoD stands for? (-1)

 Do you care what DoD stands for? (+2)

 Do you know what DoD Nominal is? (+1)

 Have you ever heard of spooge? (-1)

 Do you think you know what spooge is? (+1)

 Do you _know_ what spooge is? (-1)

 Have you ever seen spooge? (-1)

 Have you ever touched spooge? (+1)

 Have you ever used spooge as a dessert topping? (+2)

 Have you ever washed your motorcycle? (-1)

 Have you ever washed your motorcycle at a high-pressure car wash? (+3)

 Have you ever washed your motorcycle with a toothbrush? (+1)

 Have you ever taken an MSF course? (-2)

 Did you crash while taking the MSF course? (+2)

 Have you totalled a motorcycle while taking an MSF course? (+10)

 Have you ever repeated an MSF course? (+1)

 Have you ever forgotten to turn on the gas petcock until the engine dies
 in the middle on an intersection? (+2)

 Have you ever forgotten to raise the sidestand before riding off? (+2)

 Have you ever gotten off your bike and walked away without putting down the
 kickstand? (+2)

 Have you ever filled your motorcycle's gas tank while sitting on the
 bike? (+1)

 Were you able to do this without spilling gas all over the bike and
 yourself? (-1)

 Have you ever dropped a bike while attempting this maneuver? (+2)

 Have you ever forgotten to switch your motorcycle's petcock from "reserve"
 to "on" after filling up? (+1)

 Have you ever dropped a motorcycle?  (+2)

 Have you ever dropped a bike because your pant leg was caught on
 something? (+2)

 Have you ever dropped a bike before the first 600 mile service? (+3)

 Have you ever dropped a bike because of a wet railroad track? (+2)

 Have you ever dropped your bike on the driveway? (+2)

 Did you drop your bike the first time you rode it down your driveway? (+3)

 Have you ever kicked started your bike? (-1)

 Have you ever tried to kick start your bike while it was in gear? (+2)

 Have you ever dropped a bike because you tried to kick start it in gear? (+3)

 Have you done this maneuver more than once? (+3)

 Have you ever push started a bike? (+1)

 Have you ever had to push the bike for more than 50 yards while attempting
 to start it? (+1)

 Have you ever had someone push your bike while you were riding it in an
 attempt to start it? (+1)

 Did you make them run more than 50 yards before attempting to start the
 engine? (+3)

 Do you regularily have to push start your bike? (+2)

 Have you ever jump started your bike from a car? (+2)

 Have you ever lost control of a motorcycle while attempting to put it up on
 the centerstand? (+1)

 Have you ever attempted to put a bike on the centerstand without providing
 enough space behind the bike so that you end up smashing the taillight into
 an immovable hard object (like a brick wall or lamp post)? (+3)

 Have you ever dropped a bike because you tried to put the bike on it's
 centerstand without getting off the bike? (+3)

 Have you ever dropped it at low speed because you were holding the broken
 throttle cable in your hand and the accelerated in a left hand turn? (+3)

 Do you store your motorcycle on a city street? (+3)

 Do you store your motorcycle in a locked garage? (-1)

 Do you store your motorcycle in your living room? (+2)

 Have you ever closed your garage door on your motorcycle? (+2)

 Have you ever dropped a bike in a crowded parking lot? (+1)

 Have you ever started a chain reaction by dropping your bike onto a line of
 parked bikes? (+3)

 Did you receive applause for this? (+1)

 Were you admitted to the emergency room because of this? (-1)

 Have you ever parked a motorcycle so as to take up more than one space? (+1)

 Have you ever pulled up at a stop light and didn't put your feet down which
 resulted in falling over while trying to impress the babes in the car next
 to you? (+4)

 Have you ever pulled up at a stop light and didn't put your feet down which
 resulted in falling over because you forgot that you took the sidecar
 off? (+3)

 Have you ever dropped your helmet? (+1)

 Have you dropped your helmet more than once on a trip? (+1)

 More than 3 times? (+1)

 Were you concerned? (-1)

 Have you ever kicked your helmet? (+2)

 Have you ever loaded your motorcycle into a pickup? (+1)

 Does your motorcycle spend more time in a pickup than on the road? (+2)

 Do you require that a pickup follow you on all rides? (+2)

 Does your insurance company require that a pickup follow you on all
 rides? (+3)

 Have you ever used a loading ramp to get your bike into the pickup? (-1)

 Did you rather just pick up the pieces and heave the large chunks into the
 pickup bed? (+2)

 Did the ramp consist of a single 2x4? (+4)

 Have you ever ridden the bike up the loading ramp? (+3)

 Have you ever crashed into the back of the pickup cab? (+4)

 Was the event seen on national broadcast television?  (+2)

 Has the bike ever fallen off the ramp? (+2)

 Were you on the bike at the time? (+3)

 Have you ever had a motorcycle fall out of a pickup? (+2)

 Have you ever had a motorcycle fall off a trailer? (+2)

 Have you ever loaded your motorcycle into a car? (+3)

 In one piece? (+3)

 Do you warm up your engine in the morning by holding it at redline? (+4)

 Have you ever used fuel with an octane rating higher than 100? (+2)

 Have you ever used octane booster? (+2)

 Do you regularily use octane booster? (+2)

 Have you ever used racing fuel? (+4)

 Have you ever used nitromethane? (+6)

 Have you ever run out of gas? (+1)

 Have you run out of gas twice in one day? (+3)

 Have you run out of gas more than 2 times in two days? (+3)

 Have you ever thought you'd have enough gas to get there, and run out? (+2)

 Do you go riding with a friend only because you know they have at least a
 seven gallon tank? (+2)

 Have you ever had to bum gas off a riding buddy? (+1)

 Have you ever had to do so more than once in one day? (+2)

 Has your riding buddy ever run out of gas because he/she kept having to
 give you gas?  (+4)

 Have you ever run out of gas more than 30 miles from the nearest
 station? (+1)

 More than 60 miles? (+2)

 More than 100 miles? (+4)

 Have you ever ignored a road sign which said "NEXT SERVICES 179 MILES"
 when you knew you only had a range of 130 miles on a full tank? (+7)

 Have you ever had the engine sputter, only to discover that you had forgotten
 to switch the petcock off of "reserve" at the last fill-up? (+2)

 Have you ever hit reserve headed uphill while passing an 18-wheeler on
 a double yellow on a two-lane road while riding an expensive borrowed
 bike with two fuel petcocks?  (+2)

 Do you keep track of your gas mileage as a matter of routine? (-1)

 Have you ever used the mileage log to help spot engine problems before
 they become expensive? (-3)

 Do you keep an accurate service log? (-3)

 Do you need to add engine oil more often than gas? (+3)

 Have you ever had to go off the road in order to avoid an accident? (+5)

 Have you ever had an off-road accident on a street motorcycle? (+4)

 Have you ever dropped your bike in the presence of 2 other people? (+2)

 Have you ever dropped your bike in the presence of more than 5 other
 people? (+3)

 Have you ever ridden a motorcycle stoned? (+10)

 Have you ever ridden a motorcycle drunk? (+10)

 Have you ever ridden a motorcycle while you were very angry? (+6)

 Have you ever ridden a motorcycle while you were extremely tired? (+6)

 Have you ever ridden a motorcycle after dark without a headlight? (+4)

 Have you ever been caught after sunset with Lucas electrics? (+4)

 Have you ever ridden over 500 miles in one day? (+1)

 Have you ever ridden over 1000 miles in one day? (+3)

 Have you ever burnt your leg on an exhaust pipe? (+1)

 What about your hand? (+1)

 Have you done it more than once? (+5)

 Have you ever sat on your hands to keep them warm? (+2)

 Have you ever placed your hands on your motorcycle's engine to keep them
 warm? (+2)

 Have you ever patched a tire with duct tape? (+6)

 Have you ever patched an oil leak with duct tape? (+4)

 Have you ever patched an oil leak with locally available materials like
 mud, sticks, and moss? (+4)

 Have you ever forgotten to turn off your turn signal? (+1)

 Have you ever had a riding buddy chase you down to alert you to this
 problem? (+1)

 Have you ever had a riding buddy chase you down and turn off your signal for
 you? (+3)

 Have you ever forgotten to put the bike into 1st from neutral at a
 stoplight? (+1)

 Ever get odd looks from people when your bike hits 7,000rpm in neutral at a
 light? (+2)

 Have you ever tried to start from a stoplight in any gear other than
 1st? (+1)

 Have you ever missed second gear, gotten stuck in neutral, and over revved
 your engine in the middle of an intersection? (+2)

 Have you ever driven over the speed limit? (+1)

 What about double the speed limit? (+3)

 Have you ever driven double the speed limit through a curve or corner? (+4)

 Have you ever ridden triple the posted speed through a curve? (+6)

 Have you ever ridden quadruple the posted speed through a curve? (+8)

 Have you ever gotten air off of a speed bump? (+3)

 Were you riding a Goldwing at the time? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden off a curb? (+1)

 Have you ever bounced off a curb? (+2)

 Have you ever ridden up a curb? (+1)

 Have you ever ridden up a curb at more than 15 mph? (+2)

 Have you ever ridden up a curb at more than 30 mph? (+3)

 Have you ever ridden the wrong way on a one-way street? (+2)

 Have you ever ridden the wrong way on a one-way street at DoD nominal? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden the wrong way on a one-way street while franticly waving
 your arms? (+3)

 Have you ever dodged oncoming traffic while riding the wrong way on a one-way
 street? (+3)

 Have you ever used Armor-All on your seat? (+1)

 Have you ever used Armor-All on your seat a second time? (+4)

 Have you ever considered buying a neon tank bag? (+3)

 Have you ever actually bought a neon tank bag? (+5)

 Have you ever totalled (i.e beyond repair) your bike? (+5)

 Have you ever totalled a friend's bike? (+10)

 Have you ever totalled a stranger's bike? (+10)

 While riding it? (+8)

 Are you held together with steel pins as a result of your motorcycling
 experience? (+2)

 Do you brake for llamas? (+3)

 Have you ever tried to ride off without remembering to remove the lock
 from a wheel or brake rotor? (+2)

 Did you do this at a motorcycle swap meet in front of hundreds of
 people? (+4)

 Did it cause you to drop your bike? (+1)

 Have you ever tried to ride off withour remembering to undo the fork
 lock? (+3)

 Have you ever carried skis on your motorcycle? (+1)

 Have you ever carried an item on your motorcycle that required a
 red flag at the end? (+2)

 Have you ever carried a 4'x8' sheet of plywood on your motorcycle? (+3)

 At more than 5 mph? (+4)

 Have you ever tried to ride the wrong direction over a one-way spike barrier
 in a parking lot? (+2)

 Have you ever done a cross-country trip on a motorcycle displacing less
 than 250 cc's? (+2)

 Have you ever done a cross-country ride in less than 3 days? (+3)

 Have you ever participated in an Iron-butt rally? (+2)

 Have you ever won an Iron-butt rally? (+2)

 Have you ever seized up a 2-stroke bike because you just dumped the oil
 into the gas and it didn't mix? (+2)

 Have you ever rebuilt a bike in your college dorm room? (+3)

 Did you get the oil stains out of the carpet? (-1)

 Were you able to keep the custodians from knowing anything about it? (+1)

 Have you ever wired up a parking light bulb in the headlight because
 the generator doesn't work?  (+3)

 Are you a Kot _anything_ ? (1 point per Keeper title up to 6 pts)

 Does your motorcycle's license plate read either "DENIZEN" or "DOOM"? (+2)

 Does your motorcycle's license plate read "SQUID"? (+3)

 Does your motorcycle's license plate read "2FAST4U" or "NEDRGR"? (+5)

 Have you ever split lanes of traffic on the freeway when traffic was moving
 at more than 5 mph? (+1)

 When traffic was moving at more than 10 mph? (+2)

 When traffic was moving at more than 25 mph? (+3)

 When traffic was moving at more than 40 mph? (+4)

 When traffic was moving at the posted speed limit? (+5)

 Have you ridden with a broken clutch cable? (+2)

 Have you chosen to carry an extra cable after that? (-1)

 Have you ever wondered why there is a "Gold Wing _Road_ Riders Association"
 when there is no associated "Gold Wing _Dirt_ Riders Association"? (+1)

 Have you ever cooled your "after ride beer" by burying it, pouring gas on
 it and lighting it? (+2)

 Have you ever taken a picture of a motorcycle? (+1)

 Are the walls of your house/apartment/room/garage covered with pictures
 of motorcycles? (+1)

 Have you ever collected motorcycle sales brouchures solely to hang them
 on your walls? (+2)

 Have you ever had a muffler fall off? (+1)

 Have you ever had a muffler fall off and not notice it? (+2)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Riding Skills
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 How many public/occupied buildings have you ridden into? (Houses don't
 count as public, taverns and schools do) (2 points per bldg up to 12 pts.)

 Intentionally? (+3)

 Were any of the occupants were expecting you to do this at the time? (-1)

 Have you ever ridden up a flight of stairs on a street bike? (+2)

 How many continuous flights? (1 point per flight up to 10 pts)

 Did the stairs have a 180 degree turn in them? (+1)

 Have you ever gotten your motorcycle stuck in a stairwell? (+1)

 Is it still there? (+1)

 Have you ever ridden into a freight elevator? (+1)

 Have you ever ridden into a passenger elevator? (+2)

 Have you ever ridden into a passenger elevator at a posh hotel? (+2)

 Have you ever ridden through a window? (+2)

 Was it open before you went through it? (-1)

 Have you ever worn tires right to the edge of the tread? (+1)

 Have you ever worn tires past the edge of the tread? (+2)

 Have you ever had the rubber on the edges of your tires ball up (from
 riding on public highways)? (+3)

 Have you ever had your tires get greasy? (+2)

 Have you ever blistered a set of tires? (+3)

 Have you ever blistered a set of Cheng Shins? (+5)

 Have you ever bedded in your brake pads taking the bike up to DoD
 nominal and dropping anchor hard? (+4)

 Have you ever locked up a wheel? (+2)

 Did it leave a skid mark over 10 feet long? (+2)

 20 feet? (+1)

 30 feet? (+1)

 50 feet? (+2)

 Have you ever locked up both wheels simultaneously? (+2)

 Did the skid marks remain parallel? (-1)

 Have you ever locked up both wheels simultaneously on a motorcycle weighing
 over 600 pounds? (+2)

 Have you ever had the rear wheel hop under heavy braking? (+1)

 Have you ever locked a wheel intentionally? (+2)

 Have you ever locked both wheels intentionally? (+3)

 If you ride a bike with a sidecar, have you ever locked all three
 wheels? (+4)

 Have you low-sided a street bike (not on a track)? (+2)

 Have you ever low-sided a sidecar equipped motorcycle? (+4)

 Have you high-sided a street bike (not on a track)? (+3)

 Have you ever high-sided a sidecar equipped motorcycle? (+5)

 Have you ever done a flying-W on a street bike? (+4)

 Have you ever endoed a street bike? (+4)

 Have you ever been leaned over so far you rubbed the side or edge of your
 riding boot/shoe? (+1)

 Have you ever been leaned over so far you rubbed the side or edge of your
 beach sandal? (+4)

 Have you ever attained DoD nominal on public highway? (+1)

 Have you ever failed to attain DoD nominal? (+1)

 Have you ever been over 125 mph on a public highway? (+3)

 Have you ever been over 140 mph on a public highway? (+5)

 Have you ever attempted to find the top speed of your bike on a
 public highway? (+5)

 Have you ever _found_ the top speed of your bike on a public highway? (+5)

 Have you ever run your bike's engine past the redline momentarily? (+1)

 Was it because you missed a shift? (+1)

 Was it intentional? (+2)

 Have you ever run your bike's engine past the redline and kept it there? (+4)

 Have you ever found a false neutral? (+1)

 Have you ever had a bike pop out of gear during hard acceleration? (+1)

 Have you ever dragged a peg feeler? (+2)

 Have you ever had a footpeg feeler knocked off? (+3)

 Have you ever imbedded a footpeg feeler in the road? (+4)

 Have you ever dragged a muffler? (+4)

 Have you ever dented a muffler going around a curve? (+4)

 Have you ever dragged a passenger peg? (+4)

 Have you ever dragged a turn signal? (+5)

 Have you ever dragged a peg feeler before your tires warmed up? (+3)

 Have you ever dragged a peg feeler before your new tires have been well
 scrubbed in? (+3)

 Have you ever slid your rear tire while cornering? (+2)

 Have you ever slid your front tire while cornering? (+3)

 Have you ever slid both tires simultaneously while cornering? (+4)

 Have you ever done a burn-out? (+3)

 Have you ever done a burn-out with a new tire? (+5)

 Do you use burn-outs as a regular method for scrubbing in new tires? (+5)

 Have you ever done a burn-out until the tire popped? (+5)

 Have you ever won a burn-out competition? (+5)

 Have you ever done a burn-out while accelerating? (+5)

 Did it leave a mark over 5 feet long? (+2)

 Over 10 feet long? (+2)

 Over 20 feet long? (+2)

 Over 50 feet long? (+2)

 Have you ever done a burn-out donut? (+5)

 Do you have pictures? (+2)

 Do you have them framed? (+3)

 Have you ever done a burn-out at the end of a straight? (+5)

 Have you ever attempted a wheelie? (+2)

 Have you ever attempted a wheelie on a Harley chopper? (+3)

 Have you ever attempted a wheelie on a full-dress touring bike? (+3)

 Have you ever attempted a wheelie while cornering? (+4)

 Have you ever attempted a stoppie? (+2)

 Have you ever attempted a stoppie on a BMW R100GS/PD? (+3)

 Have you ever dropped your bike trying either? (+2)

 Have you ever maintained a wheelie for over 30 feet? (+3)

 Have you ever upshifted while maintaining a wheelie? (+2)

 Have you ever downshifted while maintaining a wheelie? (+3)

 Have you ever missed a shift while maintaining a wheelie? (+3)

 Have you ever hit the rev-limiter while maintaining a wheelie? (+4)

 Have you ever ground off a taillight while doing a wheelie? (+4)

 Have you ever done a wheelie while riding two-up? (+4)

 Have you ever done a loopie? (+4)

 Did others witness it? (+2)

 Do others have it on video tape? (+3)

 Have you ever done a stoppie that resulted in the bike going over on
 its back? (+4)

 Have you ever done a stoppie without realizing it until the rear wheel landed
 hard on the road? (+3)

 Have you ever done a U-turn on a freeway on-ramp? (+2)

 Have you ever dropped your bike doing a U-turn on a freeway on-ramp? (+3)

 Have you ever stood on the pegs of a moving motorcycle? (+2)

 Have you ever stood on the seat of a moving motorcycle? (+3)

 Have you ever stood on the gas tank of a moving motorcycle? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden with your hands off the bars? (+1)

 Have you ever stood on the pegs of your moving motorcycle on public
 highway/street and waved at passing vehicles?  (+3)

 Have you ever stood on the pegs of a moving motorcycle and beat on
 your chest?  (+3)

 Did you think this would impress members of the opposite sex? (+2)

 Have you ever ridden your motorcycle on a public street while steering with
 your feet? (+3)

 Have you ever operated a motorcycle while sitting backward on the seat? (+4)

 Have you ever operated a motorcycle without foot pegs? (+2)

 Have you ever operated a motorcycle while you had your feet up on the
 instrument pod? (+3)

 Have you ever dragged your boots on the pavement? (+1)

 Have you ever dragged your boots on the pavement to see just how slippery the
 ice you're riding on is? (+3)

 Have you ever dragged your boots on the pavement until they smoke? (+3)

 Have you ever stood on your center stand while doing over 60mph? (+2)

 Have you ever pushed your centerstand into contact with the road so that it
 would generate sparks? (+3)

 Have you ever intentionally put steel cleats on you boots so you could drag
 your heels when riding at night, to create sparks to impress your
 friends? (+4)

 Have you ever tried to kick road debris while moving at more than 30 mph? (+3)

 Were you successful? (+2)

 Is your foot still attached to your leg? (-1)

 Have you ever picked up traffic cones on the fly and set them in the middle
 of some random intersection? (+3)

 Have you ever ridden sidesaddle? (+3)

 Have you ever reached down to your footpeg to shift gears by hand?  (+2)

 Have you ever run over a chipmunk? (-1)

 Were you aiming? (+1)

 Did you have to chase the chipmunk off-road to do it?  (+4)

 Have you ever bagged a deer with your motorcycle? (+2)

 Did you have your deer tag ready? (+2)

 Have you ever chased a bear while on your motorcycle? (+3)

 Have you ever been chased by a bear while on your motorcycle? (+1)

 Have you ever changed a tape in your stereo cassette player while
 riding? (+1)

 Have you ever had the wind catch the tape and stream it out behind you? (+2)

 Have you ever eaten food while riding? (+2)

 Have you ever eaten a salad while riding? (+3)

 Have you ever read a newspaper while riding? (+3)

 Have you ever blown your nose while wearing a full-face helmet? (+1)

 Successfully? (-1)

 Have you ever attempted to smoke while riding? (+1)

 Have you ever attempted to smoke while wearing a full-face helmet? (+2)

 Did you burn yourself in an attempt to smoke while riding? (+1)

 Ever watched members of the opposite sex and almost crashed? (+3)

 Have you ever relieved yourself while riding a motorcycle? (+3)

 Have you ever ridden a street bike on a gravel road? (+1)

 Have you ever ridden a street bike on a gravel road at more than 35 mph? (+2)

 At more than 45 mph? (+3)

 At more than 60 mph? (+4)

 Have you ever broken your rear tire loose in gravel on purpose? (+2)

 For extended periods? (+4)

 Repeatedly? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden a street bike on a jeep trail? (+4)

 Have you ever ridden a street bike on a hiking trail? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden a street bike through a puddle? (+1)

 Have you ever ridden a street bike through water more than rim deep? (+1)

 Have you ever ridden a street bike through water more than axle deep? (+2)

 Have you ever forded a stream on a street motorcycle? (+3)

 Have you ever jumped a stream on a street motorcycle? (+4)

 Have you ever tried to jump your street bike over a creek more than 20 ft
 across? (+5)

 Did the motorcycle weigh over 500 lbs? (+6)

 Did it weigh that much after the attempt? (-1)

 Have you ever crossed a log bridge on a street motorcycle? (+4)

 Have you ever crossed a bridge made of a single log on a street bike? (+4)

 Have you ever crossed a rope bridge on a street motorcycle? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden a street bike along a set of railroad tracks (between
 the rails)? (+3)

 Have you ever ridden when you thought there might be ice on the road? (+3)

 Have you ever ridden when you knew there was ice on the road? (+4)

 Have you ever ridden on an icy road using your feet as outriggers? (+3)

 Have you ever ridden a street bike when there was snow on the road? (+4)

 Have you ever towed a trailer with your bike? (+1)

 Have you ever towed a boat with your bike? (+1)

 Did you try to back it down the launching ramp? (+2)

 Were you successful? (-1)

 Have you ever participated in a coast race? (+8)

 Have you ever fallen asleep while riding a bike? (+6)

 Have you ever fallen asleep on a race-replica sport bike? (+8)

 Did you wake up just as you left the road? (+3)

 Did you wake up well after you left the road? (+4)

 Have you ever been run over by a streetcar while riding your bike? (+2)

 Have you ever been hit by a cage while pushing an out-a gas bike? (-3)

 Have you ever experienced a tank-slapper? (+4)

 Did you try to repeat the event? (+8)

 Do you take advantage of your bike's "rubber band" frame to help bend
 through corners? (+6)

 Have you ever low-sided under a parking lot barrier in order to avoid
 a parking fee?  (+5)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Riding Style
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Do you hang off the bike while cornering? (+1)

 Do you hang off the bike while changing lanes on the freeway? (+3)

 If you ride a full-dress touring bike, do you hang off the bike while
 cornering? (+3)

 Do you find yourself hanging on to the bike for dear life? (+3)

 Do you hang off to the outside of the corner? (+3)

 Do you stick your knee out when cornering? (+2)

 Do you stick your knee out while turning through intersections? (+4)

 Do you ride a scooter and stick your knee out while cornering? (+4)

 Do you stick out your elbow while cornering? (+4)

 Do you stick out your tongue while cornering? (+2)

 Do you stand on the pegs and lean over the front wheel while cornering? (+2)

 Have you ever used tire traction compound on a street bike on public
 roads? (+3)

 Have you ever used slicks on the street? (+4)

 Were the tires "slick" when you bought them or only after 10,000 miles? (+6)

 Do you carry a roll of duct tape as a matter of habit? (+1)

 Is the duct tape color-matched to your motorcycle's paint? (+3)

 Is your motorcycle's paint color-matched to duct tape? (+3)

 Is your motorcycle's finish a mix of duct tape and old tape adhesive? (+4)

 Do you avoid fixing crash damage so you can show it off to your friends? (+4)

 Have you ever used band-aids to patch crash damage? (+2)

 Have you ever used baling wire that you found by the side of the road to
 re-attach parts which have fallen off? (+3)

 Have you ever had your feet behind your tail lights on a moving motorcycle on
 public streets?  (+3)

 Have you ever had your feet ahead of your headlight on a moving
 motorcycle? (+3)

 Do you need to replace your clutch disks more often than your brake pads? (+5)

 Do you need to replace your pistons more often than your brake pads? (+7)

 Have you ever ridden with a bandana tied around your turn signal? (+3)

 Have you ever up-shifted without the clutch? (+1)

 Have you ever down-shifted without the clutch? (+1)

 Do you do either regularly? (+2)

 Have you ever honked your horn in a tunnel? (+1)

 Have you ever revved your engine in a tunnel? (+2)

 Have you ever flirted with an attractive member of the preferred sex while
 riding? (+1)

 Did this cause the object of your attention to follow you home? (-1)

 Did this cause the object of your attention to hunt you down? (+2)

 Did this cause the object of your attention to throw items at you? (+2)

 Did this cause the object of your attention to run off the road? (+3)

 Did this cause the object of your attention to try to run you off the
 road? (+3)

 Have you ever glued small plastic figurines to your motorcycle? (+1)

 Have you ever installed a tank bra on your motorcycle? (+1)

 Have you ever installed a fairing bra on your motorcycle? (+2)

 Have you ever placed a sweat band on your brake fluid resevoir? (+2)

 Have you habitually ridden a bike with a 3' congo drum strapped to the
 back? (+2)

 Have you ever wheelied so often that you sheared the driveshaft? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden with sprockets so bad that the chain just slipped? (+3)

 Have you ever been stranded in the country because the sprocket teeth
 were worn completely off? (+3)

 Have you ever installed truck air horns on a bike? (+1)

 Have you ever had a sidecar rig up on two wheels? (+2)

 Have you ever been in a sidecar when it's wheel was off the ground? (+2)

 Going down a narrow alley? (+4)

 Do you have any small rubber or plastic model cars/planes/'Bago's or
 similar devices glued on to the back of your bike? (+1)

 Have you ever tied a racoon tail (fake or real) to the back of your
 bike? (+1)

 Have you added performance related stickers/decals to your ride?
   (1 point per sticker up to 20 pts)

 If you've added the sticker or decal, but _not_ installed the actual item
 being advertised? (2 points per sticker/decal up to 40 pts)

 Have you ever ridden a motorcycle without working instruments? (+2)

 Have you ever used a cellular phone while riding a motorcycle? (+4)

 Have you ever rear-ended a Volvo on your motorcycle because you were on
 the phone? (+6)



-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Riding with others
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Have you ever ridden with a group? (-1)

 Was it staggered? (-1)

 Was it staggering? (+1)

 Have you ever been run over by a group? (+1)

 When carrying a passenger, do you accelerate and decelerate more vigorously
 if the passenger is of the preferred sex (for intimate companionship)? (+3)

 Have you ever had a passenger threaten to jump off? (+2)

 Did you get bruises on your back before or after this threat? (+2)

 Have you ever been two-up with a naked passenger? (+4)

 Have you ever had sex on a motorcycle? (+2)

 While driving it? (+7)

 While your partner was driving it? (+7)

 Was the gerbil driving it? (+10)

 Did you get married on a motorcycle? (+3)

 Do you encourage your passengers of the opposite sex to hang on by wrapping
 their legs around your waist? (+2)

 Did they do it? (-1)

 While riding with a group, have you ever ridden ahead several miles
 and stopped to wait for them, only to find that they had taken a
 turnoff you missed several miles back? (+3)

 Have you ever taken a friend's key out of their ignition at a stop light and
 then ridden off? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden close enough to a friend so that your footpegs came in
 contact? (+4)

 Have you ever raced another motorcycle on a public highway? (+6)

 Have you ever raced a cage? (+2)

 Did you lose? (+5)

 Have you ever raced a train? (+2)

 Have you ever tried to beat a train to a crossing? (+5)

 Did you tie? (+7)

 Have you ever raced a cropduster? (+4)

 Have you ever raced an F-4? (+4)

 Have you ever felt threatened because a scooter got a better start across
 an intersection than you? (+3)

 Have you ever ridden 4 abreast, stopped at a light, fallen over, and knocked
 your partners over also. (+4)

 Have you ever crashed on Laskdzity%lo's driveway? (+2)

 Have you ever crashed on Mark Bradley's driveway? (+2)

 Have you ever 'roosted' a riding buddy on a street bike cause he/she was
 pokey in a river crossing? (+2)

 Have you ever taken Debbie for a ride? (+3)

 Have you ever taken Baa Baa for a ride? (+3)

 Have you ever run into someone else's saddlebags while they were
 attached to his/her bike? (+2)

 Have you ever crashed while trying to keep up with a faster rider? (+4)

 Have you ever had someone crash while trying to keep up with you? (+2)

 Have you ever hung on to someone's turn signal and shut off your engine
 to save gas? (+4)

 On a group ride, have you ever run into the bike in front of you? (+4)

 Have you ever used a bike to pull a piano down the street in a large
 city? (+4)

 Were the spectators cheering you on? (-1)

 Have you ever played chicken by riding in the dark with no headlights? (+9)

 At a stop light, have you ever lost your pillion partner by unexpectedly
 popping a wheelie when the light changed green? (+3)

 If so how far did you ride before you noticed your pillion partner was
 missing?  (1 point per hundred feet up to 10 points)

 Did you go back to get him/her? (-1)

 Did he/she get back on your bike? (-1)

 Have you ever said to a friend, "I think my bike is experiencing a bit
 of a high speed wobble.  Would you ride it for me to confirm this?"? (+3)

 Have you ever agreed to do this when a friend has asked you the same
 thing? (+5)

 Have you ever acted as a test pilot for a friend when he/she is making
 suspension modifications? (+5)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Social skills
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Have you ever been annoyed at a cager because he/she was travelling at the
 posted speed limit? (+3)

 Have you ever given a cager the finger because of inept driving on
 their part? (+1)

 Have you ever given a cager the finger because of inept driving on
 your part? (+4)

 Have you ever given a cager the finger for no reason at all? (+4)

 Has a cager ever given you the finger? (+2)

 Have you ever kicked a cager's door while riding a motorcycle? (+6)

 Do you carry rusty railroad spikes with you on your bike to take out really
 annoying cagers? (+8)

 Have you ever gotten off your bike at a stop light to go and yell at a
 cager? (+5)

 Have you ever had a cager phone-in your license plate number to the
 police? (+4)

 Does you low-beam headlight consume more than 70 watts? (+2)

 Does you high-beam headlight consume more than 100 watts? (+2)

 Can your headlight be used to cook microwave dinners? (+4)

 Are you proud of that fact? (+2)

 Are your horns rated at more than 130 decibels? (+1)

 When riding on the freeway, do you flash your high-beam to get cagers to pull
 to the right (left in UK or Australia)? (+2)

 Do you ride with your high-beam on continuously? (+2)

 Do you regularly ride armed with paint-ball gun? (+6)

 Have you ever considered installing high powered weaponry (like a rocket
 launcher) on your bike? (+2)

 Have you ever installed imitation weaponry on your motorcycle? (+4)

 Have you ever installed real weaponry on your motorcycle? (+8)

 Do you tow weaponry with your motorcycle? (+7)

 Have you ever passed a car on a two lane road? (+1)

 Have you ever passed more than 2 cars at once? (+1)

 More than 5? (+3)

 More than 10? (+5)

 More than 20? (+7)

 Have you ever passed a car when the road was marked with a
 double-yellow line? (+4)

 Have you ever passed a car on the inside of a left hand turn (right hand in
 the UK or Australia)? (+4)

 Have you ever passed a car on the inside of a right hand turn (left hand in
 the UK or Australia)? (+8)

 Have you ever run a cage off the road? (+10)

 Have you ever dropped a friend's bike? (+4)

 Have you ever dropped a friend's bike in the witness of that friend? (+5)

 Have you ever totalled a friend's bike before owning your own? (+10)

 Do you relish the idea of waking up your neighbors simply by starting your
 motorcycle? (+4)

 Does your exhaust volume set off the neighborhood dogs? (+2)

 Does your exhaust volume set off car alarms? (+4)

 Does your exhaust volume set off the local air raid siren? (+6)

 Does your exhaust volume cause cows county-wide to stop producing milk? (+8)

 Have you ever attained DoD nominal on a freeway on-ramp? (+4)

 Have you ever had to drop anchor to match speeds with freeway traffic? (+2)

 Have you ever crossed more than one lane of traffic on the freeway at
 a time? (+2)

 Have you ever tried to cross more freeway lanes than were available? (+5)

 Were you successful? (-1)

 Have you ever honked your horn for the express purpose of alarming barnyard
 animals? (+1)

 Have you ever revved your engine for the same purpose? (+3)

 Have you ever ridden to the head of the line at an intersection? (+3)

 Have you ever picked up and flicked a cigarette butt back into a cage
 while waiting at an intersection? (-1)

 Have you ever submitted Chris Perez's name to the Harley Owners Group. (+2)

 Have you ever asked a hotel manager, "Since I'm already parked in your
 flowers, can I keep it there?" (+4)

 Have you ever stopped at a stoplight and had the people in the car next to
 you lock their doors? (+2)

 Have you ever 'high-fived' an oncoming bicyclist while passing on the
 outside of a blind turn? (+7)

 Have you ever said, thought, typed or written ,"Lance Holst is a Jerk"? (-3)

 Do you honestly believe that he is? (-3)

 Have you ever complained about the namby-pamby safety rules at CLASS
 or California Superbike School? (+4)

 Have you ever won an award for being a squid? (+4)

 Did you go out of your way to win the award? (+4)

 Have you ever won the DickWeed Award? (+4)

 Are you proud of it? (+4)

 Have you ever parked your motorcycle in a hotel room? (+3)

 Was the room on anything other than the ground floor? (+3)

 Have you ever participated in a gang-FAQ? (+2)

 Did you smoke afterward? (+1)

 Are you a member of the AMA or any other national motorcycle
 association? (-1)

 Have ever ridden with the WMTC? (+2)

 Are you a member of the WMTC? (+2)

 Have you ever ridden on the shoulder to get around stopped traffic? (+1)

 Have you ever ridden on the shoulder to get around traffic moving at
 the posted speed limit? (+8)

 Did you ever throw dirt on your buddies bike just because it didn't
 have any? (+2)

 Was your buddy bigger than you? (+2)

 Have you ever averaged more than 100 mph for a ride of more than
 500 miles? (+6)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Apparel
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Have you ever ridden with a bandana tied around your knee? (+1)

 Have you ever ridden a motorcycle on public streets without a helmet? (+8)

 Have you ever ridden a motorcycle on public streets with short pants? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden a motorcycle on public streets without shoes or
 only wearing thongs? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden a bike without a shirt (men) or only a halter or
 Bikini top (women)? (+5)

 For Women: Have you ridden topless? (+6)

 Have you ever ridden a motorcycle on public streets without a brain? (+5)

 Have you ever had to strip by the side of the road because a bee got in
 your clothes? (+2)

 Did traffic slow to watch? (+2)

 Did you get any tip money? (-1)

 Have you ever ridden a bike on public streets naked? (+10)

 In broad daylight? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden nude on Labor Day? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden in the nude with a group? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden in the nude on a busy freeway? (+7)

 Do you still own your first helmet? (-1)

 Do you own a neon colored helmet? (+3)

 Have you ever seen a neon colored helmet? (+1)

 Would you ever buy a friend a neon helmet? (+5)

 Does your helmet have 3 or more colors? (+2)

 Is that why you bought it? (+5)

 Does your helmet match your leathers? (+2)

 Do you have leathers? (-4)

 Did you discover you ride faster after purchasing your first set of
 leathers? (+2)

 Do you have an Aerostitch suit? (-5)

 Do you wear a back protector? (-5)

 Do your leathers match your sunglasses and baseball cap? (+5)

 Are your leathers worth more (monetarily) than your motorcycle? (+3)

 Did you pay more for your leathers (in US dollars) than your average
 yearly mileage total? (+5)

 Do your leathers have more than 3 colors? (+3)

 Do your boots have 3 or more colors? (+3)

 Do your gloves have 3 or more colors? (+2)

 Do your boots have metal studs on them? (+3)

 Do your gloves have metal studs on them? (+3)

 Do you wear knee pucks? (+4)

 Have you attached knee pucks to your old pair of jeans? (+6)

 Do you wear knee pucks even when you aren't riding? (+6)

 Have your knee pucks ever come in contact with the road during normal
 cornering? (+3)

 Did you just take a file to the pucks to make it look that way? (+6)

 Do you wear elbow pucks? (+6)

 Have you ever patched your leathers with duct tape? (+2)

 Have you ever patched your boots with duct tape? (+2)

 Have you ever patched your gloves with duct tape? (+3)

 Have you ever patched your helmet with duct tape? (+6)

 Have you ever patched yourself with duct tape? (+8)

 Have you ever installed stereo speakers in your helmet? (+3)

 Have you ever installed a nitrous oxide injection system in your helmet? (+8)

 Have your ever applied stickers to your helmet? (+4)

 Did you apply the stickers to cover up impact marks? (+9)

 Have you ever had your helmet painted professionally? (+3)

 Have you ever painted your helmet yourself? (+3)

 Did you use an air brush and professional paints? (+1)

 Did you use spray paint from the supermarket? (+3)

 Do you buy a black helmet so it is easier to find a magic marker to color
 in the dents and scrapes from dropping it all the time? (+4)

 Do you keep using such a helmet? (+9)

 Have you ever attached small stuffed animals to your helmet? (+2)

 Have you ever attached small live animals to your helmet? (+8)

 Have you ever done up your helmet like a trojan war helm? (+6)

 Have you ever covered your helmet with feathers? (+3)

 Have you ever tied a live chicken to your helmet? (+9)

 Have you ever painted your head to look like a helmet? (+9)

 Have you ever painted your helmet to look like a head? (+5)

 Have you ever used a trash bag as a rain suit? (+2)

 Have you ever worn an outfit just to be seen on the bike that you know
 will result in you freezing to death on the whole trip? (+4)

 Have you ever retired a garment made from a fabric because of a drop? (-2)

 Have you ever retired a leather garment because of a drop? (-2)

 Have you ever sent a helmet back to the manufacturer for inspection after
 a drop? (-3)

 Have you ever retired a helmet because of a drop? (-3)

 Have you ever painted small black silhouettes of motorcycles on your
 fairing? (+4)

 Have you ever painted small black silhouettes of animals on your
 fairing? (+3)

 Have you ever painted small black silhouettes of people on your fairing? (+9)

 Have you ever painted small black silhouettes of cages on your fairing? (+9)

 Have you ever worried about exposure to RF radiation from your electric
 vest? (+5)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Motorcycle modifications
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Do you expect to get over 100,000 miles out of your motorcycle's
 engine? (-1)

 Have you ever replaced the seat on your motorcycle only because of
 appearance? (+2)

 Have you ever fitted tires to your motorcycle other than factory OEM? (-2)

 Have you ever fitted wider than spec tires to your bike's rims? (+1)

 Have you ever knowingly bought Cheng Shin tires? (+4)

 Have you ever fitted radial tires on a bike not designed for them? (+1)

 Have you ever fitted bias-ply tires on a bike designed for radials? (+3)

 Have you ever installed rear-set pegs on your motorcycle? (+2)

 Have you ever moved your foot pegs back to the rear axle? (+4)

 Have you ever replaced your rear turn signals with foot pegs? (+5)

 Have you installed an oil cooler? (-1)

 Have you installed a system to bring extra oil to the cylinder head(s)? (-2)

 Have you ever changed your bike's gearing to improve top speed? (+2)

 Have you ever changed your bike's gearing to improve acceleration? (+2)

 Have you ever changed your bike's gearing without knowing how it would
 affect either? (+4)

 Have you ever undercut your motorcycle's transmission gears? (+2)

 Have you ever installed a "lock-up" clutch? (+2)

 Have you ever bored out your bike's cylinders before regular engine wear
 dictated it? (+3)

 Have you ever had your crankshaft lightened and balanced? (+3)

 Have you ever installed aftermarket connecting rods? (+3)

 Have you ever installed aftermarket pistons? (+3)

 Have you ever installed an aftermarket cylinder block? (+3)

 Have you ever installed high lift camshafts in your bike's engine? (+3)

 Have you ever had your cam sprockets slotted? (+3)

 Have you ever installed an ignition advance kit? (+3)

 Have you ever installed an air shifter? (+4)

 Have you ever installed a deadman switch? (+2)

 Have your ever taken apart a carburetor? (+1)

 Have you ever replaced your bike's carburator(s)? (+3)

 Have you ever adjusted your bike's pilot jets? (+1)

 Have you ever replaced your bike's main jets? (+1)

 Have you ever installed a Dyno-joke kit? (+5)

 Have you ever installed neon colored fuel line? (+4)

 Have you ever installed a nitrous oxide injection system on your bike? (+5)

 Have you ever installed a turbocharger on your bike? (+6)

 Have you ever installed a supercharger on your bike? (+9)

 Have you ever altered or defeated your bike's rev-limiter? (+5)

 Have you ever installed aftermarket coils? (+2)

 Have you ever replaced your bike's coils with a magneto? (+6)

 Have you ever installed an aftermarket "black-box"? (+4)

 Have you ever replaced your bike's electronic ignition with a set
 of points? (+7)

 Have you ever changed the firing order on a multi-cylinder motorcycle? (+6)

 Have you ever changed the firing order on a single-cylinder motorcycle? (+9)

 Have you ever inverted your shift linkage? (+4)

 Did you do it so you could shift "just like the racers"? (+4)

 Have you ever replaced your bike's rims? (+3)

 Have you ever replaced cast alloy rims with laced wheels? (+6)

 Have you ever replaced your bike's rear shock absorber(s)? (+2)

 Have you ever pinned your bike's rear shock absorber(s)? (+6)

 Have you ever replaced your bike's fork springs? (+2)

 Have you ever replaced your bike's fork springs with solid steel bars? (+6)

 Or did it just feel that way? (+3)

 Have you ever lowered your front suspension? (+3)

 Did this cause the fender to tag the fairing the first time you hit a
 bump? (+3)

 Have you ever replaced your bike's telescopic front suspension with a
 swingarm front end? (+6)

 Have you ever replaced your bike's swingarm front end with a
 telescopic unit? (+9)

 Have you ever installed a fork brace? (+2)

 Have you ever installed a steering damper? (+4)

 Have you ever installed stainless steel brake lines? (+1)

 Have you used colored spiral wrap on those lines? (+3)

 Have you ever installed oversize brake rotors? (+2)

 Have you ever installed carbon fiber brake rotors? (+3)

 Have you ever installed carbon fiber brake pads? (+3)

 Have you ever repainted your bike? (+1)

 Did you have the repainting done professionally? (-1)

 Did you repaint your bike yourself with professional tools? (-1)

 Did you repaint your bike yourself with paint from spray cans? (+2)

 Did you repaint your bike yourself after six beers? (+4)

 Did you let your buddies repaint your bike after a couple of cases? (+8)

 Did the new paint job have more colors that the stock paint work? (+3)

 Did you repaint your bike in neon colors? (+5)

 Did you repaint your bike using flourescent paint? (+5)

 Have you ever painted a motorcycle yellow with red flames? (+5)

 Did you paint your helmet yellow to match? (+4)

 Have you ever shortened your bike's turn signal stalks? (+3)

 Have you ever replaced your bike's windscreen with a non-standard
 colored unit? (+4)

 Have you ever installed colored (other than black) hand grips? (+2)

 Have you ever replaced your bike's exhaust system when the original
 was still in good shape? (+3)

 Did you choose your new exhaust system based on claimed horsepower
 improvements? (+3)

 Have you ever bolted on an aftermarket exhaust without bothering
 to rejet? (+3)

 Have you ever painted your bike's exhaust headers? (+2)

 Have you ever wrapped your bike's exhaust headers? (+3)

 Have you ever had your engine powder coated? (+3)

 Have you ever had your entire engine chromed? (+6)

 Did the engine last more than 300 miles before melting into a single
 lump? (-1)

 Have your ever replaced your bike's rear swingarm? (+4)

 Have you ever cut off your bike's rear fender? (+2)

 Have you ever trimmed your bike's front fender to allow for a
 wider tire? (+4)

 Have you ever removed the chain guard as a weight saving measure? (+5)

 Have you ever polished your frame? (+4)

 Have you ever had your bike's frame gusseted? (+4)

 Have you ever installed deer whistles on a motorcycle? (+1)

 Do you honestly believe they work? (+3)

 Did you install the deer whistles inside the fairing? (+7)

 Have you ever put number plates on a street bike? (+5)

 Have you ever had to replace your center stand because your rear wheel was
 too large for the stand to go up? (+3)

 Did you have to bend the frame to make the stand fit? (+7)

 Did you have to hacksaw parts off of the stand to make it fit within the
 frame? (+3)

 Did you hacksaw off parts of the frame to make the tire fit? (+9)

 Did you ever have to do both? (+10)

 Have you ever made gaskets out of aluminum cans? (+4)

 Did it work? (-1)

 Did you rely on them to get you the 500 miles back to your home? (+3)

 Have you ever cut out the foam in your bike seat so that your feet could
 reach the ground? (+2)

 Have you ever had your seat chromed to match the rest of your bike? (+6)

 Have you ever replaced your motorcycle's fairing parts? (+4)

 Have you ever replaced your motorcycle's fairing with an aftermarket
 unit which did not allow for a headlight? (+6)

 Have you ever added a lower fairing to a motorcycle not designed
 for one? (+4)

 Have you ever installed carbon fiber fairing parts? (+4)

 Have you ever replaced your motorcycles bodywork fasteners with Dzus
 fasteners? (+2)

 Was this because you were always removing the bodywork to fix problems
 with the engine due to the modifications you made? (+6)

 Have you ever wired your bike to self-destruct in case of theft? (+4)

 Have you ever done any of these modifications on a bike displacing less
 than 200 cc's? (+4)

 Have you ever done any of these modifications on a scooter? (+6)

 Have you ever done any of these modifications on a moped? (+8)

 Have you ever added lights to a bike designed only for closed-course
 use so that you could use it on the road? (+5)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Motorcycle maintenance
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Do you regularily place an oil pan under your bike while it is parked? (+2)

 Have you ever changed your own oil? (-1)

 Have you ever checked your oil level? (-1)

 Have you ever changed the oil without replacing the filter? (+1)

 Have you ever reused old motor oil in your bike? (+3)

 Have you ever dropped loose change into the oil filler hole? (+3)

 Have you ever run your engine without oil? (+5)

 Have you ever ignored an oil leak? (+3)

 Have you ever added oil to a British bike by pouring it on the outside and
 hoping it would leak in? (+3)

 Have you ever done scheduled maintenance? (-1)

 Have you ever done maintenance before a ride? (-1)

 Have you ever cleaned your motorcycle's air filter? (-1)

 Have you ever avoided fixing a noise that can be drowned out
 with earplugs? (+3)

 Have you ever lubed your chain? (-1)

 Have you ever lubed your spline? (-1)

 Have you ever adjusted your chain? (-1)

 Do you replace your sprockets when you replace the chain? (-1)

 Have you ever replaced your fork oil? (-1)

 Have you ever replaced your fork seals? (-1)

 Have you ever replaced your brake pads/shoes? (-1)

 Have you ever replaced your brake fluid? (-1)

 Do you regularily check your battery's electrolyte level? (-1)

 Do you regularily put your battery on a trickle charger? (-1)

 Have you ever used a charger designed for car batteries on your motorcycle
 battery? (+2)

 Have you ever not fixed an engine noise so you could claim that it gave
 the bike that extra special bit of "character"? (+3)

 Have you ever checked and cleaned your spark plugs? (-1)

 Have you ever replaced your spark plugs? (-1)

 Have you ever checked your valve clearances? (-1)

 Have you ever adjusted your valves? (-1)

 Have you ever had to re-do the job in less than 500 miles? (+2)

 Have you ever torn down your motorcycle's engine hunting for an engine
 noise which was actually characteristic of your bike's model? (+4)

 Have you ever changed your bike's coolant? (-1)

 Do you regularily check your coolant's specific weight? (-1)

 Have you ever had to tear down an engine? (+1)

 Have you ever done major engine work without a torque wrench? (+3)

 Have you ever done major engine work armed only with a pair of
 rusty pliers? (+6)

 Have you ever done major engine work armed only with the tool kit which
 came with your motorcycle? (+9)

 Have you ever had to reassemble an engine more than once to get
 it right? (+3)

 Have you ever reused an O-ring? (+3)

 Have you ever reused a gasket? (+3)

 Have you ever reused a head or base gasket?  (+7)

 Have you ever reassembled an engine and found that the shift pattern
 had become "3-1-6-N-2-5-4"? (+4)

 Have you ever reassembled an engine and found any small parts or fasteners
 left over? (+4)

 Did you worry about them? (-4)

 Have you ever reassembled an engine, started it, and found that it was
 running backwarks? (+4)

 Have you ever mounted and balanced your own tires? (-1)

 Have you ever subsequently re-balanced your tires? (+1)

 Have you ever used a tire balancing fluid? (+1)

 Have you ever bought replacement parts for your bike at the hardware
 store? (+3)

 Are they still in use on your bike? (+3)

 Have you ever fabricated replacement parts out of local native materials
 like sticks and rocks? (+4)

 Are they still in use on your bike? (+4)

 Have you ever replaced a part in your motorcycle engine with a part designed
 for another motorcycle? (+2)

 Have you ever replaced a part in your motorcycle engine with a part designed
 for a car? (+7)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Encounters with bureaucracy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Have you ever parked your motorcycle illegally? (+2)

 Knowingly? (+2)

 Have you ever received a parking ticket? (+1)

 Have you ever run a stop light or stop sign? (+2)

 Have you ever run a stop light or sign in the witness of a DoD crowd? (+4)

 Have you ever had your bike towed? (+2)

 Do you use a radar detector? (+2)

 Have you ever crashed because you locked up the front wheel when your
 radar detector went off? (+6)

 Did the cop with the radar gun wonder why you crashed? (+2)

 Do you rely on the radar detector alone to save you from tickets? (+8)

 Have you ever been faked out by a Subaru with a ski rack? (+2)

 Have you received a ticket in the past twelve months? (+2)

 Have you received 2 tickets in the past twelve months? (+3)

 Have you received 3 or more tickets in the past twelve months? (+5)

 Have you received tickets in more than 2 states or countries? (+3)

 Have you received tickets in more than 5 states or countries? (+5)

 Have you received tickets in all the lower 48 states? (+7)

 Do you have your collection framed? (+2)

 Have you ever completely ignored a ticket? (+4)

 Have you ever ripped up a ticket? (+4)

 Have you ever ripped up a ticket in the presence of the awarding
 officer? (+6)

 Have you ever ignited a ticket? (+5)

 Have you ever ignited a ticket in the presence of the awarding officer? (+7)

 Have you ever eaten a ticket? (+6)

 Have you ever eaten a ticket in the presence of the awarding officer? (+8)

 Have you ever gotten off with only a warning? (+1)

 Are you now wary of riding in certain states or countries? (+3)

 Have you ever had a warrant served because of your riding behavior? (+6)

 Have you ever ridden without an endorsement? (+3)

 Have you ridden without an endorsement for more than a year? (+5)

 For 5 or more years? (+7)

 Have you ridden without _any_ sort of license? (+8)

 Have you ridden without any sort of license for more than a year? (+9)

 For 5 or more years? (+10)

 Have you ever had a license suspended because of your riding behavior? (+8)

 Have you ever ridden with a suspended or revoked license? (+8)

 Have you ridden a bike without a valid registration? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden without insurance? (+4)

 Have you ever ridden with the wrong license plate on your bike? (+7)

 Have you ever operated a motorcycle that was not legal in the country or
 state you were riding it it? (+5)

 Have you ever ridden a purpose-built road-race bike on the street? (+6)

 Have you ever ridden a purpose-built drag-race bike on the street? (+8)

 Have you ever brought a grey-market bike into your home country? (+6)

 Have you ever taken a license test on a bike that was less than 5cc
 above the cutoff for an unrestricted motorcycle endorsement? (+2)

 Have you ever dropped a bike during a license test because you were
 trying to show off? (+3)

 Have you ever taken a motorcycle road test on the coldest day of the year
 with ice and snow everywhere? (+3)

 Did you crash on your first legal ride? (first ride after getting
 license) (+6)

 Have you ever blown through a toll gate? (+5)

 Have you ever met an oncoming police car in a corner while leaned over more
 than 45 degrees? (+5)

 Did the police officer then stop you and give you a ticket, claiming that
 he could "tell" how fast you were going because of your lean angle? (+5)

 Have you ever argued a ticket in court? (+1)

 Have you ever successfully argued a ticket in court? (-4)

 Have you ever had a ticket fine increased because of your behavior
 in court? (+4)

 Have you ever closed on a car from behind at a healthy rate only to
 discover that it as an unmarked police car? (+4)

 Have you ever collided with a police car while riding a motorcycle? (+6)

 Was the police car parked at the time? (+4)

 Was the police car occupied at the time? (+5)

 If the police car was not occupied, did you wait for the officer to
 come back? (-4)

 Was the police car moving in the same direction as you at the speed limit
 at the time? (+10)

 Have you ever collided with a police motorcycle while riding your
 motorcycle? (+6)

 Have you ever collided with your insurance agent while riding your
 motorcycle? (+7)

 Have you ever attempted to evade police pursuit while riding
 a motorcycle? (+9)

 Have you ever successfully evaded police pursuit while riding a
 motorcycle? (+2)

 Have you ever had to accelerate to over 120 mph during a pass to avoid a
 head-on collision with an a oncoming car?  (+4; add 1 point per 2 mph over
 120 mph up to 30 extra points.  Add an extra 5 points if the oncoming car
 was a cop.)

 Have you adjusted your rear brake light switch so that you can slow rapidly
 without alerting a police car behind you? (+2)

 Have you ever disconnected your rear brake light switch? (+4)

 Have you installed a "stealth" switch which turns off all lights to allow
 unnoticed high speed travel in desolate areas at night? (+4)

 Have you ever wheelied (even a little bit) in view of the local
 constabulary? (+4)

 Did you see the police officer before lifting the front wheel? (+6)

 Did you do it on a "cruiser"-style motorcycle? (+6)

 Has a cop ever said "You been through this before, haven't you?" (+4)

 Have you ever pulled a wheelie in front of a police station? (+6)

 Did you wonder why the police were upset when they destroyed several
 cars trying to catch you? (+9)

 Do you have trouble getting a license because the last state revoked
 yours? (+5)

 Have you considered moving to another continent because of this? (+5)

 Did you ever wonder why there was a police blockage up ahead and then
 find out that a cop had been trying to catch you for several miles? (+10)

 Have you ever run a police blockade on a motorcycle? (+10)

 Do you ride with a state police sticker on your bike to help talk your
 way out of tickets? (+5)

 Have you ever had a court order you to sell your motorcycle because of
 your riding behavior? (+10)


------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Multiple choice questions:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When asked by the officer to show proof of insurance, do you
    [a] Pull the insurance certificate from your jacket pocket.
    [b] Rummage around in your wallet and tank bag for five minutes and then
        exclaim, "the dog ate it!"
    [c] Glance down at his/her gun and try to guess how many rounds are
        loaded
    [d] Drop the clutch and whack open the throttle.
    [e] Recite the policy number from memory


You have just hit reserve on your gas tank. Do you
    [a] Continue on to the next gas station?
    [b] Ride as far as gas allows, and hike to the nearest
        gas station?
    [c] Pass the next station, and figure you've got enough
        range to make it to the next town?


Your first question on regaining consciousness is:
    [a] Is everybody all right?
    [b] Is my bike OK?
    [c] Can I ride it home with the forks bent under like that?


How often do you lube your chain:
    [a] Every 300 miles.
    [b] When it starts to make noise.
    [c] Chains come with lube on them, don't they?


When you lean hard into a turn, which usually scrapes the road first?
    [a] Your floorboards.
    [b] Your footpeg feelers.
    [c] Your helmet.


A helmet can best protect you in a fall if its
    [a] on your head.
    [b] on your arm.
    [c] bungeed to the rear of the seat.


You like to ride in a group because
    [a] help is immediate in case of an accident.
    [b] there are more eyes looking out for cops.
    [c] there is always someone to race.


Have you ever neglected to put your feet down at a stop sign?
    [a]  No
    [b]  Yes, but I meant to do it; working on my balance.
    [c]  Yes, but I caught it before I went over.
    [d]  Yes, and the $#@!! fell over in the street next to a school bus
         full of highschool kids.


A bad crash trashes your leathers.  you:
    [a] buy a new set.
    [b] have them fixed at a leather shop.
    [c] fix them yourself with duct tape.
    [d] "what leathers?"


You go to breakfast before a ride, and during the pre-ride posing,
  a friend notices your master link clip missing.  you:
    [a] call a friend with a truck and tow it home.
    [b] ride with your friend to a local shop and
         get a new master link.
    [c] go to the nearest hardware store and safety wire it.
    [d] go riding.  It hasn't fallen apart yet, so it probably
         won't during the ride.


You go to breakfast before a ride, and during the pre-ride posing,
  a friend notices a spot of oil under your bike.  you:
    [a] call a friend with a truck and tow it home.
    [b] say, "It's just marking it's spot".
    [c] borrow a flashlight, find the source, and apply a wad of bubble gum.


You bought your latest bike because of its
    [a] record of reliability.
    [b] performance specifications.
    [c] way cool paint job.


You replace your tires when
    [a] They reach the wear bars.
    [b] The wear bars wear off.
    [c] The rubber is so thin that the tires lose all their air while
        parked overnight.


You replace your brake pads when
    [a] they reach the manufacturer's wear limit.
    [b] they start scoring the rotors.
    [c] ... you don't know.  You've never had a bike last that long.


To you, "counter-steering" is
    [a] pushing on the right bar to turn right.
    [b] a myth.
    [c] directing the bike shop counter dude to the particular moto sticker
        you want.


A long ride is
    [a] 1000 miles in one day.
    [b] 1000 miles over a weekend.
    [c] 5 passes up and down the strip.


Your favorite motorcycle movie is
    [a] "Harley-Davidson: An American Legend"
    [b] "V-Four Victory"
    [c] "Cool as Ice"


The proper way to pass a car on a two-lane road is
    [a] to signal your intention and wave to the car after passing.
    [b] turn on your high-beam while passing.
    [c] maintain a wheelie for the duration of the pass.
    [d] on the inside of a blind curve.


The motorcycle calendar in your garage is titled
    [a] "American Classics"
    [b] "Motocourse 1993"
    [c] "Hot Dates"


You think that turbocharging a motorcycle is
    [a] juvenile and dangerous.
    [b] a good project for the mechanically inclined tinkerer.
    [c] the only way to outrun the police.


You quit lane splitting when the flow of traffic approaches:
    [a] 35 mph
    [b] 45 mph
    [c] 85 mph


When out riding with a group you:
    [a] keep a steady pace with the group
    [b] pass slower riders in the twisty parts
    [c] give it full throttle on the straights to catch up with all
        the riders who passed you in the twisties.


When you park your motorcycle, do you:
    [a] carefully back into a parking spot so it will be easy to leave.
    [b] ride in, assuming you'll be able to back your way out.
    [c] ride in at 60 mph, and see how many bikes you can cause to fall over.


The best way to improve performance of a ZX-11 is:
    [a] Use high test gas.
    [b] Nitrous Oxide Injection.
    [c] Install P-51 Mustang Engine.


The reason you drill your own brake rotors is:
    [a] To reduce the brake friction area so brake pads last longer.
    [b] So you can look as cool as the rest of the guys in the drive-in!
    [c] To remove weight from the front of the bike, so you can wheelie better.


The Spagthorpe Chihuahua:
    [a] is solely a figment of the DoD imagination.
    [b] was Julian G. Spagthorpe's crowning achievement.
    [c] resides in my garage, and will be seen on the next DoD ride.


Single front brake disk rotors are better than dual rotors when:
    [a] You only have one front caliper.
    [b] You don't have both red and green paint handy.
    [c] Brakes?  Feelthy brakes?  I never use no brakes!


The best passenger to have on a bike is:
    [a] Your mother-in-law.
    [b] The 300 lb. barmaid from that last truckstop.
    [c] Baa Baa or Debbie.


You've been wondering what DoD is.  So you:
    [a] ask what it stands for.
    [b] demand to be given a DoD number.
    [c] bitch and moan about the stupidity of secret societies.


Which piece of DoD merchandise would you buy first:
    [a] A DoD banana.
    [b] A reproduction copy of the item auctioned for the "Jody's bra massecre."
    [c] A Super Precise Accurate Motorcycle (SPAM) pressure system, that
        automagically makes hourly posts to wreck.moto of your tire pressures.


You decide to make your mark on the net.  So you:
    [a] post something about riding a "spout" bike.
    [b] post dozens of ghost-posts with the name Ravi Narayan.
    [c] send Christopher Perez's name to the BMW Motorcycle Owners of America.


Your favorite thread on wreck.moto is:
    [a] Re: How long the KotL
    [b] Re: How far do you commute/Cereal for Breakfast
    [c] Re: How many times did you take CALC II; was: Harley Riders are JAGOFFS!


For your preferred riding, you measure time in:
    [a] days
    [b] hours
    [c] minutes
    [d] seconds
    [e] tenths of seconds


How do you counter steer?
    [a] You push with your knees.
    [b] You lean strongly counter to the direction you want to go.
    [c] After that last beer, you use the counter to steer yourself around.


How often do you exceed the DoD minimum speed?
    [a] I always obey the speed limits.
    [b] My bike won't go that fast, the chrome's too heavy.
    [c] The only time I'm under it is when I'm stopped.


A cafe racer is:
    [a] A coffee-a-holic who races to get the last cup outta the pot.
    [b] Somebody that sits around in cafes and talks about racing.
    [c] Somebody who can't ride anywhere near as fast as I can.


How do you kick start your bike?
    [a] You snarl at it until it starts.
    [b] You push the florescent button marked "kick start".
    [c] You always park on hills so you don't have to mess with that.


You're following a motor home on a twisty mountain road, and:
    [a] You wave your arms and blow your horn, hoping he'll pull over.
    [b] You pass him on the first left hand turn, since that's the shortest
        line.
    [c] You pass him on the right berm, since there's at least 2 feet of
        clearance.


You want the latest hi-tech parts on your bike, so you:
    [a] install Kelvar brake pads so you're bullet proof.
    [b] paint the bike day-glo pink to be sure people notice you.
    [c] install a 500 Watt sound system with stereo earphones in your
        Oakley Blades


You are telling riding stories.  Other than your usual riding buddies, who
are you most likely to be talking to?
    [a] yourself
    [b] the net
    [c] your insurance agent
    [d] your probation officer


You just crashed your bike on main street during bike week.  You say,
    [a] "HOW'S MY BIKE!?"
    [b] "Listen little girl, get your damn tennis ball out of here before I
         tell your mom you left an ice cream sandwitch in the glove
         compartment."
    [c] "Damn I hate when that happens ... got beer all over my Oakleys"
    [d] "Cool"


For you, the primary advantage of a high horsepower(>100) moto is:
    [a] increased carrying capacity
    [b] decreased passing distance
    [c] less front tire wear


You've just bought a Yamaha V-Max, the first aftermarket accessory you're
considering is
    [a] a sidecar
    [b] stiff fork springs
    [c] a supercharger kit


Your yearly insurance bill for your latest motorcycle is
    [a] <$200
    [b] >$200 and <$1000
    [c] >$1000
    [d] $0.  Insurance companies refuse to cover you.


Your first trip back to the dealer after purchasing a new motorcycle is for
    [a] the 600 mile break-in service.
    [b] a new clutch lever.
    [c] a new gas tank and fairing parts.


You communicate with your passenger via
    [a] an intercom
    [b] handsignals
    [c] hard braking and rapid acceleration so that your helmets clonk
        together in morse code.


When you inspect your tires after a ride, it is to
    [a] look for small nails.
    [b] see how far you're getting over.
    [c] see if there is still air in them.


You like to start a weekend ride
    [a] before 5 in the morning.
    [b] not before noon.
    [c] only after a few beers.


The most important item in your tank bag is
    [a] your tire repair kit.
    [b] your sunglasses
    [c] your supply of golf balls and sparkplugs.


You wave to other motorcyclists
    [a] always
    [b] only if they're riding the same brand of bike as you.
    [c] only when they're pulled over by the police.


You think you can outrun
    [a] a police paddy-wagon.
    [b] a police cruiser.
    [c] a police pursuit car.
    [d] a motorola.


Each time you see an oncoming police car, you expect
    [a] a friendly wave.
    [b] another week in traffic school.
    [c] a high-speed chase.


Your speed is limited by
    [a] posted speed limits.
    [b] road conditions and visibility.
    [c] quantum mechanics.


At a big party with your riding buddies, you give awards to
    [a] the owner of the bike with the most chrome.
    [b] the owner of the bike with the loudest exhaust.
    [c] anybody that actually rode all the way there without damaging
        themselves.


You keep warm in cold weather by
    [a] using an electric vest
    [b] shivering
    [c] staying inside.  You won't ride if it's less than 75 out there.


Proper riding attire is
    [a] an Aerostitch suit.
    [b] torn red and blue leathers.
    [c] whatever was on top of the laundry pile.


You're riding at night and a deer appears in your headlights.  Your response
is to
    [a] drop anchor and weave the headlight back and forth across the road.
    [b] pull the clutch, rev the engine, and try to scare the deer with
        exhaust noise.
    [c] pop a wheelie and pray.


You bought a bike with anti-lock brakes because
    [a] you want the extra feeling of security.
    [b] you want the latest gadgetry.
    [c] so you can leave perforated skid marks at stop lights.


You think that a traction control system on a motorcycle is
    [a] long over due.
    [b] great for the drag strip.
    [c] a threat to freedom.


A friend offers you a ride on his new big-bore sportbike.  You
    [a] decline, because you don't feel capable of handling it.
    [b] decline, stating that you'ld rather wait until the break-in
        period is over.
    [c] accept and leave his driveway by revving it to redline, dumping the
        clutch, and wheelieing all the way to the street.


When you see another rider on the street, you
    [a] wave to a kindred spirit.
    [b] try to identify the bike.
    [c] think to yourself, "I could take him."


To you, "shaft-effect" is
    [a] the reaction of the rear suspension of a shaft drive moto to a sudden
        throttle change while cornering.
    [b] a myth.
    [c] being charged more than $1000 dollars by the dealer for replacement
        plastic.


If you had a spare $300, you would
    [a] buy a new top-quality helmet.
    [b] buy a new exhaust system.
    [c] finally fix that leftover crash damage you didn't want to tell the
        insurance company about.


Your choice for motor oil is
    [a] your motorcycle's brand name only (i.e. Yamalube)
    [b] top grade synthetic only.
    [c] whatever is on sale at the supermarket.


How often do you check the air pressure in your tires?
    [a] before every ride.
    [b] every 1000 miles.
    [c] once a year.


You've just overcooked a corner and a crash is inevitable.  Your instinct is to
    [a] lay the bike down and slide behind it.
    [b] try to save it.
    [c] look for a llama ranch.


Your friends ask you for your opinion on motorcycles because they respect
    [a] your safety record and knowledge of the sport.
    [b] your mechanical expertise.
    [c] the way your sunglasses match your bike's paint job.


How did you buy your latest motorcycle?
    [a] cash
    [b] credit
    [c] money from Mom.


You want to put a sidecar on your motorcycle
    [a] so you can take the whole family on rides with you.
    [b] because you think regular motorcycles lean the wrong way in turns.
    [c] so you can continue to ride when the roads are coated with ice.


You think that a bike's windscreen should always be
    [a] clear, so that visibility is maximized.
    [b] smoked, so that road glare is minimized.
    [c] pink, so that ...  <editor's note> God knows why.


When you hit the horn button, people
    [a] have no clue.
    [b] think it's just an old Toyota truck.
    [c] think it's a runaway semi hauling fertilizer.
    [d] think it's the Apocalypse.


After a pass, you feel it is safe to return to your lane when
    [a] you can see the car's headlights in your mirrors.
    [b] you sense that you're past the car.
    [c] you can see the whites of their eyes.


You own a cage because you sometimes have to commute when
    [a] the roads are covered with snow.
    [b] it's raining.
    [c] it's below 65 degrees when you wake up.


Your motorcycle training consisted of
    [a] an MSF and ERC class.
    [b] a racetrack based school like C.L.A.S.S.
    [c] the dealer showing you how to shift.


When leading a ride through some twisties, you
    [a] always make sure the fellow behind you made it through the last corner
        before entering the next.
    [b] take off and wait at the agreed upon meeting point.
    [c] say "race 'ya!" and get smoked in the first corner by 6 riders,
        including the guy on the scooter.


You always wear eye protection because
    [a] ... what a dumb f***ing question.
    [b] it's required by law.
    [c] a friend of a friend of a friend heard of a guy who was killed when
        bee flew into his eye at 70 mph.


You equate "head shake" with
    [a] nothing.  It's never happened to you.
    [b] that funny feeling when you try to drive out of a corner too hard.
    [c] what most people do when you ride by.


An "Amal" is
    [a] to be tickled.
    [b] evil.
    [c] a new trendy brand of shades, isn't it?


The gas you purchase for your motorcycle
    [a] is always at least 87 octane.
    [b] is always at least 92 octane.
    [c] can only be found at airports.


You clean your main jets by
    [a] removing them and spraying them with carb cleaner.
    [b] relying on fuel additives.
    [c] ... hell, you installed injection years ago.


Before a long ride, your breakfast is usually
    [a] a hearty bowl of oatmeal.
    [b] a hearty bowl of Cap'n Crunch.
    [c] two pots of coffee.


You change your motorcycle's engine oil
    [a] every 1500 miles.
    [b] every 3000 miles.
    [c] every once in a while.  Instead you just keep adding oil whenever that
        little red light comes on.


A proper motorcycle to attach a sidecar to is
    [a] a WWII vintage Indian.
    [b] a Honda Goldwing.
    [c] a Yamaha FJ1200.


How often do you adjust your chain?
    [a] Whenever the slack exceeds the manufacturer's limits.
    [b] Whenever you can remember.
    [c] Huh?  Metal chains _can't_ stretch, can they?


Your license plate frame says,
    [a] "Cognito ergo zoom!"
    [b] "Live to flame, flame to live"
    [c] "Caution, rider may bail"


When a friend says that his float bowls are plugged, do you...
    [a] Offer to help him clean his carbs.
    [b] Ask how much the shop is going to charge him to clean his carbs.
    [c] Give him the name of your physician.


When you're following a faster rider on a faster bike than you, do you:
    [a] Continue to ride safely at your most comfortable speed
    [b] Ride faster to keep up
    [c] Ignore your passenger's screams of terror and ride faster to keep
       up


What's the best way to make yourself a better rider?
    [a] Practice, practice, practice
    [b] Sign up for track time
    [c] Bolt on Kerkers and a new Stage III Jet Kit
    [d] Drive down to the bike shop, pick up Bikes 'n' Babes Calendar '93,
        then ... visualize


Where was the last place you or a member of your riding group was
stopped by police for speeding?
    [a] the interstate
    [b] the state park
    [c] the supermarket parking lot


How soon after you bought your bike did you find its rev limit?
    [a] 3000 miles
    [b] 1500 miles
    [c] Down the street from the dealer, as he waved goodbye to you.


How soon after you bought your bike did you find out which parts
scraped first in a turn?
    [a] 3000 miles
    [b] 1500 miles
    [c] Down the street from the dealer, as he yelled at you for tagging
        the rev limiter and careening off a parked minivan across the street


When hanging an impromptu wheelie after turning down a side street and
noticing a police officer watching you from 100 yards away, do you:

    [a] Pull over immediately and wait for the officer to administer the ticket.
    [b] Stop the wheelie, keep going like nothing happened, and hope the officer
        is in a good mood when he catches you.
    [c] Wave with the front wheel still dangling in the air, take off down the
        street and hide in your ex-girlfriends house while the officer flies
        by looking for you.


Your friend has just finished wiping down his late-70's Goldwing
with ArmorAll - including the seat.  Do you:

    [a] Warn him that nothing short of Velcro will keep him on
        that seat, and suggest he clean off the stuff with ArmorAll
        Cleaner;
    [b] Keep you mouth shut and wait to see what happens;
    [c] [b], and then [a]


After their first ride on a motorcycle with you, your friend
    [a] thanks you and compliments your skills.
    [b] looks like a stunned rabbit.
    [c] files a civil complaint.
    [d] eats your cat.


On a ride, you go out of your way to find
    [a] scenic vistas.
    [b] twisty roads.
    [c] somebody to race at a stop light.


You've just arrived at a campsite for the night.  The first thing
you do is:
    [a] set up your tent.
    [b] pull out a beer.
    [c] pick up your bike.


Rule #1 is "Never sell a Ducati".  Rule #2 is
     [a] "see rule #1"
     [b] ... never sell a _what_?
     [c] ... why not?


When confronted with a barrier across a small bridge do you:
    [a] turn around
    [b] blow past the barriers and cuss at the idiots who put the signs up
    [c] wait until they take the barriers down (days/months pass....)


Have you ever lead the local police on a chase past the local biker hangout
    [a] by mistake?
    [b] just because you forgot to get your license?
    [c] just to show off to your buddies?


You wouldn't consider of starting a ride without your
    [a] helmet.
    [b] sunglasses.
    [c] roll of duct tape.


Safety wiring is
    [a] a big minus when looking over a used motorcycle.
    [b] a must.
    [c] second only to duct tape.


When going along a bridge, and you suddenly come across a slippery metal
grated section, do you;
    [a] start praying the rosary.
    [b] yell "OH HOLY LAMAS!" and hope that you don't fall.
    [c] seize the opportunity to test your "wet riding" skills, and open it up!


How would you show up at a DoD ride event?
    [a] On a touring bike.
    [b] Broadsliding to a stop in a cloud of dust, on your MOAB dirtbike.
    [c] On a neon painted ZXRR-14 with a CB antenna.


When you subscribe to a motorcycle mailing list, is your userid:
    [a] david
    [b] Dave.Honda
    [c] DiscoDave


The _first_ thing you do after a ride is
    [a] wash your bike.
    [b] grab a beer from the fridge.
    [c] to use your one allowed phone call to call Mom.


What do you think about duct tape?
    [a] I don't think about it any more than I have too.
    [b] My bike would fall apart without it!
    [c] I couldn't be without the quacking sounds coming from my bike's stereo!


Do you think of curbs as:
    [a] A nice place to brace your rear tire when street parking.
    [b] A nice little jump to the street while running sidewalks.
    [c] A berm for street racing.


Packing for a long ride means
    [a] carefully distributing the heavy items to the lower parts of your
        color-matched Fischer-Price hard luggage.
    [b] Tossing a few things in a tank bag or tail pack.
    [c] Checking to make sure the comb doesn't fall out of your back pocket.


The _first_ piece of riding gear you purchased was:
    [a] a helmet
    [b] a two (or more) color leather jacket
    [c] sun glasses


Your average group ride finishes up at
    [a] someone's house for a BBQ.
    [b] a pub.
    [c] an emergency room.
    [d] the precinct station.


Your winter storage regimen consists of
    [a] removing the battery, placing a small amount of oil in the cylinders,
        topping up the gas, and blocking up the wheels.
    [b] covering it with a tarp.
    [c] convincing your roommate that it'd look _great_ in the living room.


Before starting to ride do you:
    [a] check to make sure all lights, cables and hydraulics are in good
        working order.
    [b] make sure your radar detector is turned on
    [c] rev the engine up to 6k from a cold start to shorten warm-up time.


Tire warm-up involves:
    [a] 15 miles or 20 minutes of gentle riding.
    [b] a series of swervies from the driveway.
    [c] strictly a function of lean angle


When starting off on a ride, your first actions when getting onto a
street are:
    [a] carefully look both ways, monitoring the degree of engine warm-up
        and road surface conditions.
    [b] immediately pull a series of tight swervies to warm up your tires
        more quickly.
    [c] pop a wheelie to the first intersection.


When installing a new muffler did you:
    [a] stick with manufacturers original equipment.
    [b] install a SuperTrapp so you can tune it.
    [c] install a "track only" model and then tell police you just blew a
        baffle and mean to replace it as soon as you get home.


How many DoD pins did you order from Michael Menard?
    [a]  none
    [b]  one
    [c]  two
    [d]  three or more


A fairing screw falls out 50 miles from the nearest town.  You
    [a] pull a spare out of your tank bag.
    [b] find some baling wire just off the shoulder and tie the fairing back
        on.
    [c] whip out your ever present roll of duct tape.


You are sitting in a hottub, draining the life out of a beer, your friends
decide to go for a quick ride, you
    [a] stay where you are. hell, you have had half a beer!
    [b] dump the remaining beer and throw on your leathers.
    [c] don your flip-flops, shorts, tanktop and sunglasses, crush the can
        against your forehead, and go.
    [d] say "Wait for me!", and go riding in the nude.


When on a long motorcycle trip, you take pictures of
    [a] the scenery
    [b] the road signs
    [c] your motorcycle


Your helmet falls off your bike while you are pumping gas.  You
    [a] ride home carefully and send the helmet to the manufacturer for
        inspection.
    [b] inspect the helmet yourself and decide that it's ok.
    [c] hope that the new chip matches the one on the other side.


You stop at a convenience store in the middle of a long ride.  You buy
    [a] a banana and a few high-energy bars.
    [b] a 60 oz. soft drink.
    [c] a case of beer and a roll of duct tape.


Someone suggests that a 1000 question squid test be compiled.  You
    [a] run and hide.
    [b] volunteer a "friend".
    [c] shout to the net, "I'll do it!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Contibutors: In no particlar order.


Dave Karikas          Brad Labroad
Martin Golding        Bruce Quaitance
Jeff Earls            Bill Johns
James Broglio         Chris Steinbroner
Lisa Sieverts         Alan V. Cook 
Reid Ewing            Charlie Smith
Mike Goodwin          Steve Dybing
Pat Loughery          Steven McClure
Rod Sprattling        Jeffrey Hargiss
Aaron Good            Frank Merenda
Jon Wright            Elaine Leffler
Noemi Berry           Michael Robinson
Benjamin Renaud       Mike Bain
Andy Beals            Sean Butterworth
Robert Kennedy        klox@otago.ac.nz
Mike Johnson          Ron Winsauer
cartert@sco.com       max@mport.com
Jorg Klinger



===============================================================================
|Jeff Earls  jearls@tekig6.pen.tek.com | DoD #0530  KotTG  KotSPT   WMTC  AMA |
|'89 FJ1200 - Millennium Falcon        |   Squid Factor: Recalculating....... | 
|'86 VF500F - Phoenix                  | "Hit the button Chewie!"... Han Solo |

    "There ain't nothin' like a 115 mph sweeper in the Idaho rockies." - me