62 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
62 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
From: knoglst@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (The Wanderer)
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Subject: Re: Wanted: Dieter's Guide to weight loss during sex
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======================
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THE DIETER'S GUIDE TO
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WEIGHT LOSS DURING SEX
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======================
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----------------------------------------------------------------
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ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED
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----------------------------------------------------------------
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REMOVING CLOTHES: ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
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With partner's consent.....12 Shoes flew off...............35
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Without partner's consent.187 Expression didn't change....1/2
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Orchestra swelled.............6
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UNHOOKING BRA: Birds sang
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Using two calm hands........7 Large birds..................7
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Using one trembling hand...36 Small birds..................3
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Earth moved..................30
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Lifting partner............15 PULLING OUT:
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Dragging partner on floor..16 After orgasm................1/2
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Using skateboard............3 A few moments before orgasm.500
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ACHIEVING ERECTIONS: PENIS ENVY:
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For normal healthy man....2.5 For woman.....................3
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Losing erection............14 For men......................72
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Searching for it..........115
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GUILT:
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PUTTING ON CONDOM: Despite no formal training,
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With erection.............1.5 orgasm comes easily..........53
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Without erection..........300 You're enjoying sex,despite the
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fact that other people are
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INSERTING DIAPHRAGM: starving......................2
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If the woman who does it is Sex on your lunch hour........3
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Experienced.................6 Putting it on expense account..
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Inexperienced..............73 20
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If a man does it..........680 AGGRAVATION:
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Add (5) calories for retrieving Partner keeps showing plants..5
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it from across the room. Partner insists on cuddling the
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dog during foreplay..........14
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ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY: Partner visiting bathroom for
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Italian- Man on top,woman in 7th time.....................10
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kitchen....................26 Partner taking phone calls....7
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Russian- Woman on bottom, Partner making phone calls...40
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Man getting permission.....55
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American- Both on top......60 GETTING CAUGHT:
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By partner's spouse..........60
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SIDE EFFECTS INTERCOURSE: By your spouse..............100
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Bouncing....................7 Trying to explain............55
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Sliding around..............9 Trying to remain calm.......100
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Serious skidding...........12 Leaping out of bed...........75
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Whiplash...................27 Getting dressed in one motion
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500
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Thanking partner quickly......2
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ORGASM:
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Real.......................27
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Faked.....................160
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