65 lines
1.8 KiB
Plaintext
65 lines
1.8 KiB
Plaintext
"Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places..."
|
|
stolen by Dunkirk
|
|
|
|
This is a list which appeared in a well-known column of all the things which doctors
|
|
have had to "retrieve" from the recta of various individuals. This list was compiled
|
|
from the various medical journals published in the United States. This list is, of
|
|
course, by no means complete.
|
|
|
|
A bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's syrup
|
|
An axe handle
|
|
A 9-inch zucchini
|
|
A fourteen inch dildo with two D-cell batteries
|
|
A plastic spatula
|
|
A 9-inch water bottle
|
|
A deoderant bottle
|
|
A Coke bottle
|
|
A large bottle cap
|
|
A 3.5 inch Japanese float ball
|
|
An 11-inch carrot
|
|
An antenna rod
|
|
A 150-watt light bulb
|
|
A 100-watt frosted bulb
|
|
A cucumber
|
|
A screwdriver
|
|
Four rubber balls
|
|
72 jeweler's saws (not all at once, although 29 on one occasion)
|
|
A paperweight
|
|
An apple
|
|
An onion
|
|
A plastic toothbrush package
|
|
Two bananas
|
|
A frozen pig's tail (it got stuck when it thawed)
|
|
A 10-inch length of broomstick
|
|
An 18-inch umbrella handle and central rod
|
|
A plantain encased in a condom
|
|
Two vaseline jars
|
|
A whiskey bottle with a cord attached
|
|
A teacup
|
|
An oil can
|
|
A 6 x 5 inch tool box weighing 22 ounces (patient died)
|
|
A 6-inch stone weighing 2 pounds (patient died)
|
|
A baby powder can
|
|
A test tube
|
|
A ballpoint pen
|
|
A peanut butter jar
|
|
A candle
|
|
A baseball
|
|
A sand-filled bicycle inner tube
|
|
A bunch of sewing needles
|
|
A flashlight
|
|
A half-filled tobacco pouch
|
|
A turnip
|
|
A pair of eyeglasses
|
|
A hard-boiled egg
|
|
A carborundum grindstone with handle
|
|
A suitcase key
|
|
A syringe
|
|
A file
|
|
A polythene waste wrap from the U-bend of a sink
|
|
|
|
"In 1955 one man who was `feeling depressed' reportedly inserted a 6-inch paper
|
|
tube into his rectum, dropped in a lighted firecracker, and blew a hole in his
|
|
anterior rectal wall. This changed his mood real quick..."
|
|
|