80 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
80 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
MALE MENSTRUATION
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So what would happen if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and
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women could not? Menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy,
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masculine event. Men would brag about how long, and how much. Boys would
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talk about it as the envied beginning of manhood. Gifts, religious
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ceremonies, family dinners, and stag parties would mark the day.
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To prevent monthly work loss among the powerful, Congress would fund a
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National Institute of Dysmenorrhea. Doctors would research little about heart
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attacks, from which men were hormonally protected, but everything about
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cramps.
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Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. Of course, some
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men would still pay for the prestige of some commercial brands such as Paul
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Newman Tampons, Muhammad Ali's Rope-a-Dope Pads, John Wayne Maxi-Pads, Joe
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Namath Jock shields--"For those light bachelor Days."
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Statistical surveys would show that men did better in sports and won more
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Olympic medals during their periods. Generals, right-wing politicians, and
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religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation ("men-struation") as proof
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that only men could serve God and country in combat. ("You have to give blood
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to take blood".), occupy high political offices ("Can women be properly
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fierce without a monthly cycle governed by the planet Mars?"), be priests,
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ministers, God Himself ("He gave his blood for our sins"), or rabbis
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("Without a monthly purge of impurities, women are unclean").
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Male liberals or radicals, however, would insist that women are equal,
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just different; and that any woman could join if only she were willing to
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recognize the primacy of menstrual rights ("Everything else is a single
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issue") or self inflict a major wound every month ("You MUST give blood for
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the revolution.").
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Street guys would invent slang ("He's a three-pad man") and give
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"fives" on the corner with some exchange like, "Man, you, lookin' good!"
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"Yeah, man I'm on the rag."
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TV shows would treat the subject openly. (Hill Street Blues: The whole
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precinct hits the same cycle.) So would newspapers, (SUMMER SHARK SCARE
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THREATENS MENSTRUATING MEN; JUDGE CITES MONTHLIES IN PARDONING RAPIST.) And so
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would movies. (Newman and Redford in 'Blood Brothers'.
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Men would convince women that sex was more pleasurable at "that time of
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the month." Lesbians would be said to fear blood and therefore life itself,
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though all they needed was a good menstruating man. Medical schools would
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limit women's entry ("They might faint at the sight of blood.").
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Of course intellectuals would offer the most moral and logical
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arguments. Without that biological gift for measuring the cycles of the moon
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and planets, how could a woman master any discipline that demanded a sense
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of time, space, mathematics--or the ability to measure anything at all?
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Liberal males would try to be kind. The fact that "these people" have no
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gift for measuring life, the liberals would explain, should be punishment
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enough.
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The End
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Stonehenge BBS [415]479-8328
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