91 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
91 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
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The 9 Types of Girlfriends
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(Extracted from Life in Hell, Matt Groening)
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Presented by
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Vuarnet International
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617/527.oo91
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--------------------------
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Ms. Nice Guy
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------------ "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't
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have"
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Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze,
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doormat
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Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
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Disadvantages: May wise up someday
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Old Yeller
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---------- "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of
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a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"
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Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from
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Hell
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Advantages: Pays attention to you
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Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans
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Sickly
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------ "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite"
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Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy
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Advantages: Predictable
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Disadvantages: Contagious
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The Bosser
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---------- "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut.
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Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."
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Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes
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Mom
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Advantages: Often right
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Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
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Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied
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"I just can't decide. Should I switch my
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career, goals, home, and hair color?"
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Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey
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Advantages: Easily soothed
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Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed
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Wild Woman out of Control
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-------------------------
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"I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love
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onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."
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Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out
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Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
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Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs
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Huffy
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------ "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep
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snickering at"
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Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition,
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iceberg, Snarly
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Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
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Disadvantages: You will have no friends
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Woman from Mars
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--------------- "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I
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feel about our relationship"
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Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News,
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Artistic
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Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
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Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud
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Ms. Dreamgirl
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------------- "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my
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handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like
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crazed weasels now"
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Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
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Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited
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Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you
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-/Vuarnet International/-
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617/527.oo91
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24oo-16.8k HST/V32bis
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