110 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
110 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
From: david.segall@netnor.proxima.alt.za (David Segall)
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Subject: How to entertain yourself
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Date: 13 Jan 94 18:38:00 GMT
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Part I
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A MAN'S GUIDE TO SELF-AMUSEMENT
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DESPERATLY BORING SITUATION #1:
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===============================
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Business Meeting
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CONDITIONS
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Boring, dry speeches. Heard it all before. Keeping a serious demeanor
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may be important to your survival. Can last all day.
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ENTERTAINMENT
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1. Squeeze your hand and ovserve the bulging veins and blue color.
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2. Sing "I Did It My Way" to yourself as loudly as you can.
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3. Recall every sexual experience you ever had and categorize according
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to quality (or quantity).
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4. Hold competition for shortest speech, longest speech, most "ums" and
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"ahs", most coughs. Include self in breath-holding competition,
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in-mouth food particle search and fingernail clippings toss.
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5. Count things. See how many smokers there are in the room, number of
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tiles on ceiling, bald heads. Compare for additional fun (eg more
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spots on your tie than cigarettes in ashtray etc)
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6. Clean everything on your body that you can without arousing attention.
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DESPERATLY BORING SITUATION #2:
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===============================
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Waiting for Doctor in Examination Room
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CONDITIONS
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Average ten to twenty minute wait. Naked, worried, nothing to read, cold.
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No decoration, nowhere comfortable to sit.
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ENTERTAINMENT
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1. Do a nude interpretive dance. Slip on shoes, do tap dance.
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2. Lay down on the table and put your legs up in the gynecology stirrups.
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3. Weigh all of the equipment in the room by standing on the scale, then
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deducting your weight from the total.
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4. Unroll the disposable paper table covering and write a risque message
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for the nurse who cleans up the exam room. Roll it back up.
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5. Take the top off the waste container and see what kind of trash a
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doctor has.
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DESPERATLY BORING SITUATION #3:
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===============================
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Post-intercourse Snuggling Period
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CONDITIONS
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Must lay on back with woman's head on chest. Arm falls asleep. No interest
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in woman or sex. Would rather be riding motorcycle or playing softball
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with fellas. Can last from fifteen to thirty minutes or possibly all
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afternoon or night. Failure to last through period will jeopardize future
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sexual activity with that party.
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ENTERTAINMENT
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1. Connect fly specks on the ceiling with invisible lines and see what
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shape they make.
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2. Try to remember your college grades.
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3. Practice your foreign dialects as you answer romantic questions.
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4. Play tunes blowing air through your nostrils.
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5. Floss your teeth with a pubic hair.
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Part II
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A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO SELF-AMUSEMENT
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DESPERATLY BORING SITUATION #1:
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===============================
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Ironing
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CONDITIONS
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Hot, sweaty, repetitious, tiring, dumb.
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ENTERTAINMENT
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1. Think about sex.
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DESPERATLY BORING SITUATION #2:
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===============================
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Sex
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CONDITIONS
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Hot, sweaty, repetitious, tiring, dumb.
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ENTERTAINMENT
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1. Think about ironing.
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Excuse the spelling mistakes :-)
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----
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Netline Northcliff BBS *DS* [+27-11-477-1225 Johannesburg, South Africa]
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Fidonet 5:7107/4 ILink 30/3/4 SYSOP:Alan.Kanowitz@netnor.proxima.Alt.ZA
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