383 lines
17 KiB
Plaintext
383 lines
17 KiB
Plaintext
Don Pardo: "LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "FIGHT THOSE GIGGLES," THE
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GAME SHOW WHERE CONTESTANTS COMPETE IN TICKLING COMPETITIONS TO
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SEE WHO CAN ENDURE THE MOST TICKLE TORTURE! AND NOW, HERE'S OUR
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HOST AND STAR OF THE SHOW, CHUCK BARRIS!!!!!!!!"
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Chuck: (SINGING)-"everybody calls me Chucky, though Chucky's
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really not my name! Then why do people call me Chucky..."
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suddenly, the curtain crashes down on Chuck. Enter Gene-Gene,
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the Dancing Machine..
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Gene-"We'll be back with our contestants and more stuff, right
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after this message!"
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COMMERCIAL
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Chuck-"AHHH, welcome to our show! and now, let's meet our
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celebrity panelists. First, I won't say that this guy has a big
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nose, but he's the only guy I know of who goes into intensive
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care when he gets hay fever-JAMIE FARR! Second, comes the
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Mistress with the mostest, ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF THE DARK!
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Finally, last but not least, juicy JAYE P. MORGAN!!!!!"
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"And now, let's meet our contestants! First up is a sweet young
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thing from Marina Del Rey! Now, I won't say this blond haired,
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blue eyed beauty is sweet, but my blood sugar shot up 30 points
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just having a conversation with her! Her she is, a part time
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movie actress, former ice skating champ, Lynn! Lynn, what do you
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have to say to the studio audience?"
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Lynn-"Oh, Chuck, I think I can win at this game! As a former ice
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skating star and active athlete, I KNOW all about endurance! I
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think I can laugh forever!"
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"Thank you, Lynn! Our second vict-uh, contestent is from
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Houston, Texas. Now, I won't say that this gal is stuck up, but
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she sings "My Eyes Adored You" every morning-while looking in the
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mirror! Meet this red headed computer programmer and Stuck Up
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Rich Princess, Ashley! Ashley, what do you have to say?"
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Ashley-"OH MY GOD, YOU LITTLE GEEK
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GET AWAY BEFORE I FREAK
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I'M A BABE AND YOU ARE NOT,
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YOU CAN'T HANDLE WHAT I'VE GOT!
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refrain
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NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA
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NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA
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HAHAHA, DON'T ME ME LAUGH!
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I WANT A WHOLE AND NOT A HALF!
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YOU WET YOUR PANTS, I'M SO SURE!
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TO BAD WIMPITIS HAS NO CURE!
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I'M TOO HOT, TOO HOT, TOO HOT FOR YOU!
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(refrain)
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I'VE GOT A BITCHIN' BOD AND AWESOME FACE!
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I'M GOD'S GIFT TO THE MALE RACE!
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I'M THE QUEEN OF BABES SUPREME,
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BUT YOU'LL ONLY SEE ME IN YOUR DREAMS!
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YOU UGLY, STUPID, WIMPY SCUM!
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YOU ASKED ME OUT, YOU MUST BE DUMB!
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YOU CAN BEG UNTIL YOU'RE BLUE!
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BUT YOU'RE NOT EVEN FIT TO LICK MY SHOE!
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I'M TOO HOT, TOO HOT, TOO HOT FOR YOU!
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Ya know, I only go out with good looking guys, cause I'm a good
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looking girl and......"
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(IN THE BACKGROUND, A THUNDEROUS GONG RINGS OUT!)
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Chuck-"My God, Jay! Why did you gong Ashley?"
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Jay P Morgan-"I thing we should hang her by her feet and...
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(GIANT CARD FLASHES ON SCREEN-"WHOOPS!)
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Chuck-"Folks, that was no expletive deleted! It was to keep our
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contestants from finding out what they are in for! And, for our
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third prison-uh, contestant, meet the former manager of WWF
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wrestler Randy Savage, the Lovely Elizabeth, the beautiful
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brunette, and the First Lady of Wrestling! Tell me Elizabeth,
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how do you think you will do in our various tickling
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competitions?"
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Elizabeth-"To tell you the truth, Chuck, this is the first time
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that I'll be competing in anything without a prepared script by
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Vince McMahon! Not even Rich Mancuso knows who will win! By the
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way, shouldn't Jesse Ventura be here to provide color
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commentary?"
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Chuck-"uh, no, Elizabeth, I'm the star around here. Now, our
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final contestant is-uh, it appears she is a little apprehensive!
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Bring her in folks!"
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Elvira-"ooooh! I'll just wave my fingertips and POOF-she'll
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float over her, just like that! How's that for a laugh!"
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Chuck-"Here she is, our final captu-uh contestant! A 5' blond
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sprite from Dallas, Charlene! Charlene, what's wrong?"
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Charlene-"Chuck, I'm nervous! Tickle my feet and I'll tell you
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or do ANYTHING to make you stop!"
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Chuck-"That's right, Charlene! That is what is going to happen
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to all of you! And, of course, all four of our contestants have
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had their feet softened for the tickling to come! Jamie Farr,
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tell us what our mistresses have done to our contestants! Uh,
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Jamie?" (Jamie Farr is asleep.)
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Chuck-"Well, let's just go to our mistress in charge, Mistress
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Carla, a 6' tall black haired beauty! Carla?"
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Carla-"Hi, everyone! I'm the Top Tickler around here, and my
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four little weaklings have had their feet pampered to soften and
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weaken them more than ever! The four little wenches had a
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powerful softening lotion rubbed into their feet-a combination of
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Vaseline, Keri Lotion, and lemon juice. After the concoction was
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rubbed into their feet, I covered their feet with cotton socks,
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and wrapped their feet in plastic bags, securing the plastic bags
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around each ankle with a rubber band. This was done last evening
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before they went to bed; they slept with their feet encased in
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the socks and plastic bags. The combination of the lotions and
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perspiration from the feet served to moisturize and soften their
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tootsies even more! Their feet were freed from this one hour
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ago, and their feet were washed and buffed with a pumice stone to
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remove ALL rough spots! After the clean up was finished, we
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adorned their feet with slippers with VERY thick fur lining!"
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Chuck-"Oh, Carla, you have everything taken care of!! Now, I'll
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turn the game over to your "sole" leadership!"
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Carla-"Thank you, Chuck! Now, our contestants will be put
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through THREE different tickle tortures! Lynn, Ashley,
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Elizabeth, and Charlene-step forward and have a seat!"
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All four sit in their chairs; their wrists are strapped to
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the chair. Four large buckets are brought out by assistants and
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secured to the floor, in front of each contestant. All four
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girls have their feet locked into each bucket.
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Carla-"Now, the first competition is the Foot Powder competition.
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The four of you will have your feet soaked in our special foot
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powder, which will make your feet itch FEROCIOUSLY! And, when
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you scratch an affected area, the itching gets worse! So, to
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assist you in your itching, will be my four assistants-Marcy,
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Marlene, Maria, and Mary. The have been trained well, and can
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take such torment! They will rub their feet against yours,
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compounding the itching even more! Each of you will win $1 for
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every second you can tolerate the itching. You will signify that
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you are ready to stop by saying, `uncle'. The MAXIMUM time the
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contest will last is 15 mintues, or 900 seconds! Since there is
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no laughter involved, this will be the easiest of the
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competitions. Your endurance will depend on your abilities to
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withstand the most nervewracking sensations of all! You'll need
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nerves of steel!" (the competiton begins)
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1 minute
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Lynn-"oooh, that tickles! It feels so good though!"
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Ashley-"YOU'LL HAVE TO DO MORE THAN THIS TO MAKE ME CRACK!"
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Elizabeth-"This is NERVEWRACKING! I don't know how long I can
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hold out or if I'm supposed to last the whole 15 minutes; at
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least Vince McMahon gives me a script to follow when I'm a
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manager!"
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Charlene-"NOOOOOOOO! I'm going crazy; my feet itch too much!"
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5 minutes
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Lynn-"tee hee, tee hee, this isn't torture, this is fun!"
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Ashley-(squirming violently against her binds) "EEEEEEHHHH, AHH,
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POUR IT ON-GOD, THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY-I'LL NEVER GIVE!"
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Elizabeth-(biting her lips uncomfortably)-"This is AWFUL-ooohh,
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I'm going out of my mind!"
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Charlene-"ooooh, hahaha, ahhhhh, this tickles too much; c-c-can't
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h-hold out much longer-aaaahhhhhh!"
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10 minutes
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Lynn-"my feet f-f-feel like they have a terminal case poison ivy-
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this is-hahaha-starting to get to me! I have to hold out!"
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Ashley-(screaming in terror)-"C-c-can't take much more-NO! I'm
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not giving up-OH GOD, my feet-the itching-driving me
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crazy!"
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Elizabeth-"ooooooh, aaaaaahhhh, I never knew I was such a
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tenderfoot!-can't take much morrre!"
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Charlene-(trying to keep her composure)-"1001, 1002, 1003...have
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to keep my mind occupied-1004, OH GOD, this is tooooo
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much! Can't stand it anymore!"
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13-15 minutes
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Lynn-"Tee hee hee hee hee, hahahaha, I have to make it--hahahaha,
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it tickles sooooo much-worse and worse-(BELL RINGS-Lynn
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lasted the entire 15 minutes)-OH, it's over!!!!! That was
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fun!"
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Ashley-"NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE-I MEAN KEEP IT UP! U-U (bell
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rings and Ashley lasted 15 minutes)-UNCLE! Oh, I just
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barely beat the bell!
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Elizabeth-"eeeeeee, I have to hang on-this is too much--my feet-
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the itching--hahahaha-starting to crack-tee hee hee hee
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hee-tickles too much-OK, OK,-no don't stop-OH GOD-(bell
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rings-15 minutes)-I don't know how I did it!"
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Charlene-(shaking violently in her seat, in tears)-"I CAN'T ST-
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STAND IT! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH, EEEEEEEEEEE, NO MORRRRRRRE-
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WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!?!?!????? CAN'T STAND-OKAY,
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OKAY, (BELL RINGS- END OF 15 MINUTES) UNCLE!!! oh God, I
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barely beat the bell!.
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The four girls are release from the chairs. Lynn jumps right up,
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none the worse for wear. Ashley jumps up, exhausted, but
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rejuvenated. Elizabeth is shaky, but manages to get to her feet.
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Charlene, in tear, collapses on the floor.
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Carla-"Well, somehow all four of you survived! Of course, many
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people do last through the entire time limit on the itching
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powder. However, there are other competitions to go! The next
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competition is one requiring much more endurance! The 15 minute
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soak in the powder have sensitized your feet even more! Now,
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here is our next competition: Make Me Laugh! The soles of your
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feet will be tickled with a feather; the object of the
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competition will be to keep from laughing as long as you possibly
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can! One dollar for each second that you don't laugh!
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Time limit will be 5 minutes!
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Lynn: That will be TOUGH! I can laugh forever, but I don't
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think I'll be able to keep myself from laughing!
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Ashley: GO AHEAD, TRY IT!!!!! YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME CRACK!
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Elizabeth: My gosh! Me and my friends used to do each other
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when we were little girls-I NEVER could last!
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Charlene: (eyes wide with terror) NO! I'LL DIE!!!!!!!!!!
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All four contestent are strapped to their chairs, and their
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ankles are locked in the stocks. Carla's four assistants are
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armed, each with a big feather.
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Carla: Oh, by the way.....all 4 of you will be tickled for
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ENTIRE 5 minutes, so bursting out laughing will be of no relief
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to any of you! Again, the idea is to weaken your resistence!
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OK, assistants-MAKE THEM LAUGH!
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The tickling begins
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30 seconds
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Lynn is biting her lips, her feet twitching and squirming
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Ashley is doing the same, but bucking violently against her binds
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Elizabeth's is somehow keeping relaxed, smiling gently, but
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keeping in her laughter
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Charlene's entire body is quivering, as she struggles not to
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laugh
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1 Minute
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Lynn is fighting back a smile; her jaw starts to quiver
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Ashley is rolling her head, her eyes wide, fighting the
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sensations
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Elizabeth's lips start to quiver; she's struggling
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Charlene's entire body is still quivering; tears roll down her
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cheeks
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1.5 Minutes
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Lynn is now smiling ear to ear; her head shakes as she fights the
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urge to laugh!
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Ashley-HAHAHAHAHAHA-I C-COULDN'T T-TAKE IT-HAHAHAHA-ANY LONGER!
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Elizabeth bites her lips and squirms against the binds that hold
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her; her eyes are wide with terror
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Charlene is sobbing; her lips are beginning to quiver, struggling
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to keep out the laugher
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2 Minutes
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Lynn is now biting her lips through her smile; her eyes squint
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shut, she is fighting so hard not to laugh
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Ashley-HAHAHAH, TEEHEETEEHEE, S-STOP, IT T-T-TICKLES!!!!!!
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Elizabeth-same as before, but tears are rolling down her cheeks
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Charlene-AAAAAAAAUGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO MORE, PLEEEEEEASE!
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3 Minutes
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Ashley and Charlene are in hysterics; Charlene is crying at the
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same time, Lynn and Elizabeth are in a battle to keep from
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laughing. Lynn seems to have weakened, as tears start to flow
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from her eyes.
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4 Minutes
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Ashley and Charlene are laughing harder by the second.
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Carla approaches Lynn and Elizabeth: Are your little tootsies a
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little too ticklish?
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Lynn and Elizabeth nod in agreement, both in tears.
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Carla: Well, suppose that while the feathers tickle the bottoms
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of your feet, my long fingernails will scrape along your toes!
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(she goes to work on Lynn and Elizabeth)
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4.5 Minutes
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Ashley, Charlene AND Elizabeth are in uncontrollable hysterics
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Lynn is in tears and shaking violently in the chair
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5 Minutes
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Lynn bursts into tears and laughter when the 5 minute bell rings-
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"I almost passed out!!!!" she exclaims through her sobs.
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Carla: Well, let's see how you all have done. Lynn as lasted
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through both competitions: 20 minutes, or $1200. Elizabeth last
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19.5 minutes: $1170. Charlene has 17 minutes credit, for $1020.
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Ashley, you aren't as tough as you say you are. You fell apart
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on the Make Me Laugh competition, and have lasted 16.5 minutes,
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for $990. However, here is the big competition: The Foot
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Tickling Endurance Test. There is NO time limit on this, and you
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get a dollar for each second of tickling you endure. That last
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competition has taken a lot out of all of you; we should make
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quick work of all four of you in no time! This time, it will be
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more than a feather tickling the soles of your feet! Each of you
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will slip into the Magic Sandals! Notice that the numerous
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rubber prongs on sandles will lift your feet up. Between the
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rubber prongs will be small electrodes, which send vibrating
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stimulation on your soles, which tickle even MORE than the
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feathers or long fingernails! Heightening the tortue even more
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is the fact that all four of you will be standing the whole time,
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increasing the tickling sensations even more! Also notice that
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there will be feathers placed between your toes, and that those
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feathers are attached to very powerful vibraters! To give, just
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cry "Uncle!"
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(All four girls look in horror. All 4 step into the sandals, and
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are locked in. Each girl is tied to a pole coming up from the
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floor, forcing them to stand. A switch is thrown)
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5 Seconds
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L-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-THAT FEELS WONDERFUL!
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A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-I'LL OUTLAST EVRYONE THIS TIME
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E-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-NOT EVEN RANDY SAVAGE WAS EVER THIS MEAN TO ME
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C-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-STOOOOOOOOOOOOP! MY F-FEET T-TICKLE TOO MUCH!
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The studio is filled with the sound of the hysterical laughter of
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the 4 helpless, ticklish girls. 10 minutes into the torture:
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L: M-MY B-BRAINS ARE RATTLING!
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A: I'LL NEVER CRACK!
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E: P-PLEASSSSSSSS! NO MORE!!!!!! I DON'T MEAN THAT-HAVE TO
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LAST!
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C: MY SIDES ARE GONNA EXPLODE!
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20 MINUTES
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L-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!
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A-OH GOD, CAN'T STAND THIS-TOO MUUUUUUCH!
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E-F-FEELS L-LIKE A T-T-TERMINAL CASE OF ATHLETE'S FOOT!
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C-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-CAN'T BREATH-UNCLLLLLLLEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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(Charlene is out of the competition. Final total: 37 minutes,
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$2220 won-she is release and collapses)
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30 MINUTES
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L-ALL THOSE SKATING COMPETITIONS-JOGGING-NEVER WAS THIS BAD!
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A-(IN TEARS-IS BITING LIPS TO KEEP FROM LAUGHING-DOESN'T EXCEED!)
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E-(IN TEARS)-NO MORE! UNCLE!!!!!
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Elizabeth finishes with 49.5 minutes-$2,970
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Upon being release, she falls asleep on the floor
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At the 45 minute mark, Ashley cries: "I'M GONNA WET MY PANTS!
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UNCLE!!!!!!!!! She finishes with 64.5 minutes and $3840. Upon
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release, she runs in tears to the bathroom!
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60 minutes
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Carla to Lynn-"Well, you have won! Shall we turn the Magic
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Sandals off?
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Lynn-"NOOOOOO!"
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Carla-"My, aren't we stubborn! Suppose we add to your torture?"
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Lynn-"GO A-AHEAD! I-I HAVE MY S-SECOND WIND! MY FEET FEEL
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WONDERFUL-HAHAHAHAHA!"
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Carla-"Well, while you have been occupied, our 3 other
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contestants have been refreshed with a full body massage. They
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are quite rejuvenated, and are prepared to add to your
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torment!"
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Ashley, Elizabeth, and Charlene walk up to Lynn. Carla removes
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Lynn's halter top, exposing her underarms, breasts and ribs!
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Carla-"LET HER HAVE IT!" Ashley comes up behind Lynn and tickles
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her underarms Charlene goes to work on Lynn's ribs, while
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Elizabeth titilates Lynn's breasts!
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80 Minutes
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Lynn-
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"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUUUUUUUUCH!
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AAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGH!
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UNCLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!"
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Lynn lasts a total of 100 minutes: $6000! As she is release, she
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collapses, in tears, into the waiting arms of Ashley, Elizabeth,
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and Charlene. Ashley wipes the tears away. Elizabeth assures
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Lynn that "we'll take care of you!" Charlene adds, "Hey, you
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beat us fair and square!"
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Carla-"Indeed, Lynn has beaten all of you! The three of you will
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be punished.....(Ashley, Charlene and Elizabeth get frightened
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looks!) by pampering Lynn, with a bubble bath, and a massage, and
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anything else she needs to help her recover!"
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The 3 girls sighed with relief-this would be one punishment they
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would be grateful for-one without tickle torture! Lynn was
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treated to a bubble bath and a neck, shoulder, and back rub by
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all three girls, along with having dinner in bed....a very
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deserved bonus! |