59 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
59 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
D A R K
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Rewritten by The Quantum Mechanic
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(author unknown)
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For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However,
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recent information has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light,
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they suck dark. Thus we call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark sucker
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theory proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier that that
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of light, and that dark is faster than light.
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The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take
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for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is much
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less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark
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sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking
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lot have a muck greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with all
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things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they
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can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark
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sucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white
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wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black,
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representing all of the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a
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pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black
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because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle.
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Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range.
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There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all
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of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When
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the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced
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before the portable dark sucker can operate again.
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Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass
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generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker.
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Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel into a solid
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wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of
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heat, Thus it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is
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also heavier than light. If you swim just below the surface of a lake, you
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see a lot of light. If you slowly swim deeper and deeper, you notice it
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getting slowly darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately
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fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark
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sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats to the top.
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The immense power of dark can be utilized to man's advantage. We can
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collect the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it
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through turbines, which generates electricity and helps push the dark to
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the ocean, where it may be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it was much
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more difficult to get the dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The
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Indians recognized this problem, and tried to solve it. When on a river in
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a canoe travelling in the same direction as the flow of dark, they paddled
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slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark; but when they travelled
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against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly, so as to help push the
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dark along its way.
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Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to
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stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then
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slowly open the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the
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closet; but since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark
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leave the closet.
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In conclusion, I would like to say that dark suckers make all of our lives
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much easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb, remember that
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it is indeed a dark sucker.
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