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N E T . B A R D S O N G . B O O K , V O L U M E 2
Hear Ye Hear Ye!! For 10 months, I scoured the country side, from Telven's
Port to Zardhold, searching for Bards worthy of thy time and thy good
grace. After countless mugs of Ale, listening to the dull blabbering of
many an amateur bard, I have managed to secure the words of but another
group of expert troubadors! Hereunder lies their words for thy listening
pleasure. As always, lords and ladies, beware the bard who uses these words
as his own (IE: Copyrights retained by original authors.). Beyond struggle
and strife, and above all else, enjoy these words, and may thy lute never
sound a bad note!
Daltrin The Cheerful
Alias, Jeff Gostin
(jgostin@eternal.chi.il.us)
PS: If in all the excitement, I have mismarked an author, or made some
other grevious error, please let me know! An index will be sent
seperately. Both this document, and the index, are going out on the
same night, so they should be arriving together also. If you dont
recieve the index within a few days of recieving this document,
please let me know, and I'll happily send it out to you!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballads submitted by Morgan 54871 (ecz5tan@uclamvs.bitnet)
The Ballad of Cannon Fodder Lot
Attend the tale of a mighty soul
How bold and bravely he has fought
While standing tall against the foe
His name is Cannon Fodder Lot
An Orcish army he did confront
His fierce countenance held naught at bay
Of the attack he bore the brunt
A thousand arrows pierced him that day
Healed again and begun anew
Holy Avenger he did boast
An evil mage he did pursue
A fireball turned him into toast
CHORUS
How bold, how brave, how true
Oh Cannon Fodder Lot
Though paladin are you
A fighter you are not
Bedecked in armour brightly shining
Shield and halm with dragon's crest
A silken cloak with purple lining
And healing potions strapped to his chest
Once black dragon plagued the land
A dreadful evil to be killed
Lot stepped forth holding sword in hand
His smoking armour's melting still
A troll! He thought he could outwit
Sure a deed which all would laud
A friendly mage helped just a bit
And turned him into a lightening rod
CHORUS
With heartfelt determination
And fighting skills dutifully honed
He fought the beholder with elation
Who promptly turned him into stone
Though his name is Cannon Fodder Lot
And still his fate seems to be set
When he is down and is upsot
You'll hear him shout: "I'm not dead yet!"
CHORUS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballads submitted by Ian Brown (inb@creare.UUCP)
The Knight from Days of Old
Chords (4/4 time, each chord is 1 measure)
------
Verse Am G D Em (twice)
Chorus Bm C Bm Em
Interlude G D Em D (twice)
Song
---
Prelude (Verse + Chorus + Interlude)
Verse (1) Am G
Last night he rode out of the storm
D Em
A knight seeking shelter from the cold
Am G D Em
His armor a suit of mail, his sword of legends told
Chorus (1) Bm C Bm Em
A Knight from Days of Old, a hero, brave and bold
Verse (2) Am G D Em
We asked him to share his tale, the story of his life
Am G D Em
His eyes grew cold and pale as he told of war and strife
Chorus (2) Bm C Bm Em
This Knight from Days of Old, the hero, brave and bold
Bridge (Verse + Chorus)
Verse (3) Am G D Em
Those days with Elves, so fair, and Dwarves in caves of stone
Am G D Em
Dragons of Fire in the air, and Evil on its throne
Chorus (1)
Verse (4) Am G D Em
Darkness swept across the land, Dwarves and Elves disappeared
Am G D Em
'Til only by a single man was the light still revered
Chorus (4) Bm C Bm Em
The Knight from Days of Old, once a hero, brave and bold
Interlude
Verse (5) Am G
Through the night his voice spoke
D Em
Evoking visions of war and pain
Am G D Em
He told how he finally failed, to the backdrop of the rain
Chorus (4)
Verse (1)
Chorus (1)
Ending (Verse + Chorus + Verse [twice])
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballads submitted by Rob Falk (z_falkrg@ccsvax.sfasu.edu)
Dragon Road
It was on the first of August, out of Amberway
half a dozen horses and a wagon load of hay.
There had been a party, hangovers galore
our clerics were unconscious and our fighters saddle sore
Refrain
There were dragons, dragons flying o'er the road
wyverns all around us and behind us yellow mold,
and there were orcs, orcs filling all the woods
they all jumped upon us because we were lawful good
We were not discouraged, we were set to fight
but we had drunk two gallons of the finest wine last night.
Our ranger was disheveled, Sir Percy was the same,
and the elf who traveled with us was too drunk to know his name.
Refrain
The dragons got the horses, the orcs got even more,
and munching on our wagons was an ugly manticore.
We finally woke our wizard, he would make them pay,
but he really pulled a boner when he mumbled spells that day.
Refrain
His fireball misfired, his lightning missed its mark,
and then the party found itself encased in total dark.
He tried to polymorph them - that dirty, ancient louse,
we didn't think it funny when Sir Kay became a mouse.
Refrain
Our fighters bravely battled out, but it was all for naught
for we had not the measure of the monsters that we fought.
twas our bard that finally saved us, for he could do no wrong.
He really had them running when he belted out this song.
Refrain
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballads submitted by Greg Henderson (gregory@ms.uky.edu)
Untitled (Ode to Cthulu)
(Sung to the theme of "Tiny Toon Adventures")
We're slimey, we're squishy, we're all a little fishy,
and in this adventure we'll be feasting on your brains.
We're abysmal creatures, with gross horrific features.
In C'thuloid adventures, lose alot of sanity.
So here's Miskatonic U. where all the creatures dwell,
take a look at a mythos book and find yourself in hell.
Your guns aren't defective, they just aren't real effective.
Our feast of human flesh and souls is about to start.
Your magic, and voodo will not stop Great C'thulhu.
Don't eat with the Tchoo Tchoo, and the Migo steal your brain!
Here's Narly, Tsathoggua, over there's Cthugha,
don't forget Ithaqua, and Hastur hates his name.
So here's sunken R'lyeh where the angles are all wrong.
You'll lose your soul, and go insane if you stay there too long.
We're slimey, we're squishy, we're all a little fishy,
Our feast of human flesh and souls is about to start.
And now we'll eat your heart.
----
Untitled (Another Ode to Cthulu)
(Sung to the Theme of "The Beverly Hillbillies")
Well, let me tell you a little story 'bout a migo named 'Fred'.
A poor mountain miner, barely kept his fungi fed.
And then one day when he was scooping out a brain...
Along came an ooze that popped right out of the drain.
Shoggoth that is, Elder Thing goo, R'lyeh tea.
Well next thing you know 'ole fred got swallowed whole,
the other migo turned and said "That thing just got fred's soul!"
They all pulled out their shiny guns and aimed it at the slime..
But the shoggoth ate them one and all in record setting time..
Four point three seconds....
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballads submitted by Dave Lemkuil (COSC143U@Jetson.UH.EDU)
The Archer
The young man liked to play
with arrows and his bow.
The barn wall was his aim;
and no one else would know.
One day the King rode by,
his army at his side;
on the way to war again;
his fame was far and wide.
He stopped his column by the barn,
and looked upon the wall.
The King was most impressed by the wonder of it all.
The boy was quickly sent for,
to meet the mighty King.
By why, Your Majesty,
to me this honor bring?
I marvel at your barn;
the wall is nearly full.
All those arrows spent;
and every one a bull!
You must practice long and hard,
with aim as sure as this.
I need you in my Army;
you must never miss!
You are such a marksman,
though still so young a boy;
help me teach my archers
the method you employ.
The method's really easy,
simple and very sound.
I shoot my arrows into the wall;
and draw the circles around.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballads submitted by Robert W. Miracle (rwmira01@vlsi.ct.louisville.edu)
The Ballad of Farmer Brad
(to the tune of "The Ballad of Davey Crockett")
Born on a hill top in Waterdale
Greatest corn man we'ed ever seen
Raised in the fields so he new every stalk
He was eaten by a dragon when he weeded in the dark.
Farmer, Farmer Brad
King of the Corn Wiskey
He made a pack with the great Abyss
Brad's corn wiskey was their only wish
so they made him this magic hoe
So he could grow mo' and mo'
Farmer, Farmer Brad
Growing for Beezalbub
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballads submitted by Jesse Mundis (jesse@uts.amdahl.com)
Elfin Wizard
(Sung to the tune of "Pinball Wizard")
Ever since I heard of magic,
I've felt the forces call,
>From Breacon down to Krydain,
I must have used 'em all,
But I ain't seen nothing like him,
In the guildrooms or the halls,
That quick, nimble, cute Elf
Sure casts a mean fire ball!
He stands like a statue,
In the presense of the Queen,
He's polished up his sword,
To a bright, metallic, sheen.
Spells at the ready,
He hears the force's call,
That quick, nimble, cute Elf
Sure casts a mean fire ball!
He's an Elfin wizard,
He just cast "Self to Mist"
An Elfin wizard's
Got such a mental twist.
How do you think he does it?
I don't know!
What makes him so good?
Ain't got no distractions
Immune to other's spells
Bolts of lightning flashin'
Transports his foes to hell
Summons nasty demons,
Standing eight feet tall
That quick, nimble, cute Elf
Sure casts a mean fire ball!
I thought I was
The wizard battle king,
But I just handed
My Magi Staff to him.
Even with my favorite demon,
He can beat my best.
His familiar leads him in,
And he just does the rest.
He's got crazy words of power
Never seen him fall...
That quick, nimble, cute Elf
Sure casts a mean fire ball!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballads submitted by Mike Phillips (msphil@wmvm1.cc.wm.edu)
The Ride of Corryn the King
Dark the water and dark the sky,
Storming clouds were drawing nigh,
Dark the forest, murky, dead, dry.
'Twas dark the day and dark the way
When King Corryn rode to die.
His queen and children lay enshrined
Weighing heavily upon his mind,
Revenge had rendered him blind:
For his young wife was slain by knife,
His sons killed in kind.
His family slaughtered whilst they sleep
Gathered by One Who Grimly Reaps.
He paused not to tarry and weep.
He grabbed the maps on parchment scraps
And rode for the bandit's keep.
They rode as one, the Man and Steed,
The wind picked up, they paid no heed,
They stopped not to eat their feed.
The wind did blow, on did they go,
Possessed by a terrible need.
"Vengeance!" cried his thoughts at him.
Harried by this foolish whim,
The clouds roiling, the light dim;
On they rode though ill did bode
The environs harsh and grim.
He sighted brigands across the moor.
He counted them; they numbered four.
He spurred his horse, and with a roar,
He rode in haste across the waste
And slew them by the open door.
The castle's gate stood open wide.
He entered with a jaunty stride,
Yelling at those cow'ring inside,
"Now, I shall search both Keep and Church
'Till I have flayed your hides!"
He rode through the open gate,
His sword drawn and filled with hate.
He cut them down at a tremendous rate.
As he slew each man thoughts of Loranne,
His wife, spurred him to his fate.
He reined in before the Hall.
Silence reigned, an awful pall.
For there stood an impassable wall
Of Man and Sword; with them he warr'd,
And he slew them and watched them fall.
Through the arch he strode so fast,
Meeting the fight that was his last.
The Hall was giant-tall, o'erly vast.
Foe on the throne, Corryn's sword honed,
So that the duel would soon be past.
His foe upon the dais stood.
Corryn said, as he should,
"Your debts shall be paid in blood.
For we shall fight until by might
One has beaten the other for good."
Thus the bandit's actions wrought.
More than an hour they both fought;
An opening, in vain, each sought
'Till with a flick Corryn was nick'd
Though the scratch seemed for naught.
The bandit delivered a tirade:
"Ha ha, King Corryn, for my blade
Was coated with venom witch-made."
Corryn did fight with all his might
Until his life began to fade.
For the sake of revenge he must,
Within his dying thrust,
Place with the gods his trust.
Corryn's brand flew and it hit true;
The bandit fell into the dust.
Through his faith victory was gain'd,
Yet still poison coursed within his vein,
Frayed was his hold on life's rein.
A fire inside, King Corryn died,
Gazing on venom'd blade, his bane.
Thus as decreed by Fate's loom,
The Hall became his cairn, his tomb,
Here he fought, this very room,
Arms all a'clash, he fought so rash
In the fight that was his doom.
Dark the water and dark the sky,
Storming clouds were drawing nigh,
Dark the forest, murky, dead, dry.
'Twas dark the day and dark the way
When King Corryn rode to die.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballads submitted by Kay Shapero (Kay.Shapero@f524.n102.z1.fidonet.org)
From Under the Bed
(Sung to the tune of "Cecilia")
CHORUS: Cthulhu, you're breaking my mind.
My sanity's vanishing daily!
Oh, Cthulhu, I'm down on my knees
I'm begging you, please -- go away,
Go away!
I picked up this ancient book
By some guy named Abdul Al-Haz'red (Al-Haz'red)
Read two chapters; now it seems
You're disturbing my days and you're haunting my dreams.
CHORUS
Half-awake in the early morn
With my lover sleeping by my side (by my side)
When I feel a nameless dread
And I turn on the light, I find you in my bed!
CHORUS
Hiding out in the afternoon
In a room at Miskatonic U (hiding out)
Elder Signs from ceiling to floor,
And there's star-stones to block off the windows and door.
Consternation! He's found me again,
I crawl in the closet and shiver.
Consternation! He's found me again,
I crawl in the closet and shiver.....
* With the author's apologies to Simon, Garfunkel, and H.P. Love-
craft...
-----
WHO LU?
(Sung to the tune of "Camptown Races")
Who's the Elder Ghod we fear?
Cthulhu, Cthulhu!
Who sleeps on from year to year?
Cthulhu is his name.
Going to pray all night
Going to chant all day
'Til he rises from the ocean floor
Then we will run away!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballads submitted by P. K. Whitehurst (whitehur@calvin.Tymnet.COM)
Home
When this adventure is over,
I can sleep until noon.
When I'm safe on the boat and have sailed far away,
I will sit down and write me a tune.
When I've fixed the armor and mended my boots
There just might money for beer.
If I want to live to a spry, ripe, old age,
I won't ever leave there.
Now the adventure is over,
I could sleep until noon.
While the boat's in the harbor and everyone's safe,
I should sit down and try a new tune.
My sword has been sharpened. My wardrobe is clean.
Why does the beer taste so stale?
If I acted out all the thoughts in my head,
I would end up in jail.
Now the adventure is over,
Things are boring and dull.
The boat is too small and the stars are too far.
I look at the sky and still feel their pull.
I need to travel, to see a new place.
It must be bred in my bone.
I can't live somewhere for more than a week.
I'll call Empyrea home.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballads submitted by Fraser Wilson (fraser@munta.cs.mu.OZ.AU)
Untitled (Ballad of Sir Rufus)
A small brave band of armoured knights
Were riding on a lonely moor
Looking for glory, beer and fights
When all at once they spied a door.
Said Sir Rufus, climbing down,
"This door seems strange to me.
It's by itself upon the ground -
I'll open it and see!"
He opened it and had a look
But life he had no more.
Randolph said "He looks quite crook!"
For this is what he saw:
Some flesh was boiling red and green
The head was nowhere to be seen
Goo was pouring from his arse
There was nothing where his arms had been.
His shirt was painted rich blood-red
To hungry rats his guts were fed
His heart was beating on the grass
In short, the bloke was dead.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
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