190 lines
8.2 KiB
Plaintext
190 lines
8.2 KiB
Plaintext
**
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A young and studious monk went his teacher and said,
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"Teach me all about the Buddha nature." His teacher pushed him
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on the ground. The next day the student returned to his teacher,
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saying, "I am wiser today than yesterday. Teach me about the
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Buddha nature." The teacher clobbered him again.
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This went on for days until finally the young student
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could stand it no more. He tearfully left the monastery and
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went back to his temple at home. There he told the chief monk what
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had happened. The chief monk said, "You are really stupid! That
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monk was kinder to you than a grandmother!"
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The young student went back to the monastery, and found
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his teacher. He threw the teacher on the ground. His teacher got
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up and said, "Now I will teach you about the Buddha nature."
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**
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One monk said to the other, "The fish has flopped out
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of the net! How will it live?" The other said, "When you have
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gotten out of the net, I'll tell you."
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**
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A monk said to Joshu, "Your stone bridge is widely
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renowned, but coming here I find only a heap of rocks."
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Joshu said, "You see only the stones and not the
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bridge."
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The monk said, "What is the bridge?"
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Joshu said, "What do you think we are walking on?"
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**
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Some professors asked a monk to lecture to them on
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spiritual matters. The monk ascended a podium, struck it once
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with his stick, and descended. The academics were dumb-
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founded. The monk asked them, "Do you understand what I have
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told you?" One professor said, "I do not understand."
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The monk said, "I have concluded my lecture."
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**
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A student said to the chief monk, "Help me to
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pacify my mind!"
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The chief monk said, "Bring your mind over here and
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I will pacify it."
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The student said, "But I don't know where my mind is!"
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The monk replied, "Then I have already pacified it."
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**
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A monk said to Joshu, "I have just entered this
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monastery. Please teach me."
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"Have you eaten your breakfast?" Joshu asked.
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"Yes, I have," replied the student.
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"Then you had better wash your bowl."
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**
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A monk asked Nansen, "Is there any great spiritual
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teaching that has not been preached to the people?"
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Nansen said, "There is."
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"What is the truth that has not been taught?"
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"Nothing," Nansen replied.
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**
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A young monk asked his teacher, "What is the true
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spiritual nature of life?"
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His teacher picked up a bowl of water and threw it
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in the student's face, saying "Go wash out your mouth!"
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**
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If you meet a person on the path, do not greet him
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with words or silence.
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How will you greet him?
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**
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A monk, taking a bamboo stick, said to the people,
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"If you call this a stick, you fall into the trap of words,
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but if you do not call it a stick, you contradict facts.
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So what do you call it?"
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At that time a monk in the assembly came forth.
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He snatched the stick, broke it in two, and threw the pieces
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across the room.
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**
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A monk sat with his three students. He took out his
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fan and placed it in front of him, saying, "Without calling
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it a fan, tell me what this is."
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The first said, "You couldn't call it a slop-bucket."
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The master poked him with his stick.
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The second picked up the fan and fanned himself. He too
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was rewarded with the stick.
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The third opened the fan, laid a piece of cake on it,
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and served it to his teacher. The teacher said, "Eat your cake."
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**
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The chief monk at the monastery was looking for someone
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to replace him. He called the monks together and placed in front
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of them a water bottle. He said, "Without calling this a water
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bottle, tell me what it is."
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One monk said, "You couldn't call it a block of wood."
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Another poured himself a drink.
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Just then the cook walked into the room and kicked the water
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bottle over. The cook was made head of the monastery.
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**
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Two sages were standing on a bridge over a stream.
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One said to the other, "I wish I were a fish. They are
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so happy." The other replied, "How do you know whether
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fish are happy or not? You're not a fish." The first
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said, "But you're not me, so how do you know whether or
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not I know how fish feel?"
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**
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The student Doko came to a Zen master, and said,
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"I am seeking the truth. In what state of mind should I
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train myself, so as to find it?"
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Said the master, "There is no mind, so you cannot put
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it in any state. There is no truth, so you cannot train yourself
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for it."
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"If there is no mind to train, and no truth to find, why
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do you have these monks gather before you every day to study
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Zen and train themselves for this study?"
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"But I haven't an inch of room here," said the
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master, "so how could the monks gather? I have no tongue,
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so how could I call them together or teach them?"
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"Oh, how can you talk like this?" said Doko.
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"But if I have no tongue to talk to others, how can
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I lie to you?"
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Then Doko said sadly, "I cannot follow you. I cannot
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understand you."
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"I cannot understand myself," said the master.
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**
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Joshu asked the teacher Nansen, "What is the True Way?"
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Nansen answered, "Every way is the true Way."
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Joshu asked, "Can I study it?"
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Nansen answered, "The more you study, the further from
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the Way."
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Joshu asked, "If I don't study it, how can I know it?"
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Nansen answered, "The Way does not belong to things seen:
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nor to things unseen. It does not belong to things known: nor to
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things unknown. Do not seek it, study it, or name it. To find
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yourself on it, open yourself as wide as the sky."
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**
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A master was asked the question, "What is the Way?" by a
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curious monk.
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"It is right before your eyes," said the master.
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"Why do I not see it for myself?"
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"Because you are thinking of yourself."
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"What about you: do you see it?"
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"So long as you see double, saying 'I don't,' and
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'you do,' and so on, your eyes are clouded," said the
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master.
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"When there is neither 'I' nor 'you,' can one see it?"
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"When there is neither 'I' nor 'you,' who is the one
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that wants to see it?"
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**
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Has a dog a Buddha-nature?
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This is the most serious question of all.
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If you say 'yes' or 'no'
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You lose your own Buddha-nature.
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**
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Two monks went fishing in an electron river. The
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first monk drew out his network, and out flopped a hacker.
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The second monk cried, "The poor hacker! How can it live
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outside of the network?" The first monk said, "When you
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have learned to live outside the network, then you will know."
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**
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What is the vector which is orthogonal to itself?
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**
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[ Here is a koan for you - I found it recently in Carl
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Jung's "Man and his Symbols." ]
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A wandering monk saw on his travels a gigantic old oak
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tree standing in front of the door of a monastery. Under it sat
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the chief monk. The traveler called out to him, "This is a useless
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tree! If you wanted to make a ship, it would soon rot. If you
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wanted to make tools, they would soon break. You can't do anything
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useful with this tree, and that's why it has become so old."
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The chief monk replied, "Keep your mouth shut! What do
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you know about it? You compare this tree to your cultivated trees;
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your orange, pear and apple trees, and all others that bear fruit.
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Even before they can ripen their fruit, people attack and violate
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them. Their branches are broken, their wings are torn. Their
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own gifts bring harm to them, and they cannot live out their
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natural span. If this tree had been useful in any way, would it
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have ever reached this size? You useless mortal man, what do you
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know about useless trees?"
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