110 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
110 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
ENLIGHTMENT QUIZ
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The following is a rest of your level of enlightnment. Score one point for
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each correct answer, subtract one point for each wrong answer. Add your
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total number of right answers to the total number of wrong answers, divide
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by the total number of questions on the test, then wonder why you've tried
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to follow it this far.
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Select the answer which best completes the following statements:
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1. Yin and .........
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A) Yout B) Tonic C) Yenta D) Yang
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2. A Zen koan is ........
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A) Jewish Buddist B) All of the above C) None of the above
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D) None of the above
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3. Just before total God-realization I would see.......
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A) A blue pearl B) Nothing C) Everything D) How would I know?
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4) Lao-Tsu is.......
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A) Shrimp with fried rice B) The Atman Brothers
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C) A Japanese word for sneeze D) One of the above
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5) Jivatman and Atman merge to become.......
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A) Jivatmanatman B) The Atmnn Brithers
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C) Jivatman & Atman Inc. D) Mr & Mrs Atman
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6) The word or words which best describes the relationship of God, Guru
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And Self is.......
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A) Oneness B) Twoness
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C) Penpalness D) Just good friends
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7) Which of the following is not a name of the Lord?
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A) Jehova B) Elohim C) Yahweh D) Charlton Heston
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8) If you swap a Swami with a Yogi you get.......
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A) A Swogi B) A Salami C) Yogurt D) Heartburn
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9) Carlos Castaneda is:
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A) a flamingo dancer B) A resort near San Juan
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C) The 2nd baseman for D) The gutarist for Santana
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The LA Dodgers
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10) Om Mani Padme means:
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A) O manny, pardon my home B) Money talks, nobody walks in
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C) It u cn rd ths msg u cn Sanskrit
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Gt a gd jb D) Never having to say you're
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Sorry
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11) The sound of one hand clapping is:
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A) Very quiet B) similar to smiling with one lip
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C) A Zen record shop D) Like the "p" in swimming
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12) Linguine is to fettucine as kundalini is to :
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A) Eenie meenie B) Halloweenie C) Harry Houdini
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D) Pepto Bismol (this is a silly answer)
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13) The Tao Te Ching is:
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A) The new premier of China B) A new record by Cheech and Chong
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C) I Ching's older brother D) A massage parlor in Tokyo
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14) You arrive at a party and your host says, "Far out, I want to take
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the responsibility for creating space in your universe so you can
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experience your experience." He means:
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A) "Have a good time" B) "Don't eat the Sweedish meatballs"
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C) "I just completed est training" D) Nothing anyone would understand
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15) If three devotees can meditate for a total of nine hours, how many
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devotes would it take to mow the lawn?
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16) If three devotees can mow the lawn in one hour, how many stoned devo-
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tees would it take to meditate until nobody cared?
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17) If shakti was rising toward the fourth chakra at a rate of 3.5
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pranayamas per second, and at the same time an energy force was
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traveling in the opposite direction at a rate of 4.8 pranayams
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per second, what time would it be in Chicago if we woke up in
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Los Angles?
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True-False
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_______Ramakrishna is a cereal made with rice and maple flavoring.
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_______Satori is better than nirnana and samadhi except on weekends
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and holodays.
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_______Sufi dancing is like square dancing only rounder.
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_______The Tibetan Book of the Dead is a novel by Harold Robbins.
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Score
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0-5 points: You are hopelessly attached to the wheel of life and
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death. Try again next incarnation!
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6-10 points You are largely unconscious and stuck in worldly pleasures
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10-15 points You are so-so on the enlightment scale. Keep reading the
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New Sun.
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15-20 points You are a very conscious being; with a little good karma
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you could go a long way.
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20-25 points You are very close to God-realization--early November at
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the latest.
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