163 lines
8.2 KiB
Plaintext
163 lines
8.2 KiB
Plaintext
The Latest Cult Hero -- Dr. J.R. (Bob) Dobbs
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By Stephen G. Bloom
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Dallas Morning News
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DALLAS -- First there was the Gilgamesh, then the Bible, the Koran, the Book
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of Mormon, Dianetics, "I'm OK, You're OK," and now, "The Book of the
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SubGenius."
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Or so says Doug Smith (a.k.a. Ivan Stang) who -- along with three Dallas
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friends, Lamont Duvoe (Dr. X), John Hagen (Satellite Weavers) and Philo
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Drummond -- has collected the thoughts of a strange and bizarre messiah, Dr.
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J.R. (Bob) Dobbs.
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Pipe-smoking Dr. Bob, who bears an uncanny resemblance to both Beaver
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Cleaver's father, Ward, and comic strip hero Mark Trail, may or may not exist.
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But thatti snot important says Smith, 30.
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"Dr. Bob is too busy to be interviewed," Smith says defiantly. "He's off
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communing with the elder gods of the universe."
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Dobbs is the leader of a New Wave cult group called the SubGenius, whose
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principles first were espoused in a 1978 pamphlet that has become an
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underground classic. The Dallas-based cult's newest offering is the
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best-selling "Book of the SubGenius" (MacGraw-Hill, $9.95).
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The transition from pamphlet to a professionally produced book wasn't
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anything planned by Smith and the rest of Dobbs' disciples. Last year,
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McGraw-Hill contacted Smith with a book offer after one of its editors had been
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slipped the pamphlet at a company picnic. That, along with news of the
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peculiar First World SubGenius Convention actually held at Dealey Plaza on Nov.
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22, 1981 was enough for publishers to think money could be made by spreading
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Dr. Bob's gospel.
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Smith hired a Chicago agent he describes as a "very sane, 50-year-old woman
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not addicted to drugs or anything," who started a bidding war for the book,
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which doubled the hefty advance money. McGraw-Hill's Tim McGuiness sold the
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publishing company's marketing division on the idea of the book.
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"I had this gut feeling it would do well," he says. "Word-of-mouth
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advertising that this was a comic, underground satire has sold the book for us.
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Not everyone picks up on the spoof. It's on a frequency only dogs and select
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humans can hear."
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Enough people have bought Bob's 184-page philosophy for MacGraw-Hill to
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commission a second printing only five weeks after the book was released --
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highly unusual for a first book written by an unknown.
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But then again, Bob and his disciples are not very usual. One has to have
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watched the "Addams Family" to appreciate the strangeness of Dr. Bob's world
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headquarters, Smith's East Dallas home. Vintage comic books are stacked on a
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stand in the living room; posters of Idi Amin and Captain Beefheart decorate
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the upstairs; a green and red papier-mache dinosaur decorates the foyer.
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Meanwhile, Smith's wife, Shelby, a petite woman wearing a skimpy purple
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bikini, extols the virtues of broccoli to their two young children, who wander
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around the house naked.
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Smith, who wrote most of the book and is probably the most knowledgeable of
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Dr. Bob's scribes, graduated 12 years ago from St. Mark's School, which he
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calls "one of the conspiracy's (translation: establishment's) most important
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bastions, composed of twisted and bizarre minds."
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He became an independent film maker in Dallas, doing animated wacko movies.
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His most celebrated, shown in art houses throughout the United States:
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"Reproduction Cycle," a 15-minute short about sex among microbes on Mars, and
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"Let's Visit the World of the Future," an X-rated, punk travelogue.
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By April, 1978, Smith and his cohorts had cooked up the idea of writing
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about Dr. Bob. As Dallas journalist David Seeley, who has followed the cult's
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mysterious exploits since its beginning, has written, "People out there were
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watching 'Laverne and Shirley,' reading Reader's Digest and chewing 32 times
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before swallowing, and it seemed to Drummond, Smith and Duvoe that they were
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the only ones who knew how screwed up the world really was."
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The three began collecting pamphlets from UFO cults, Atlantis aficionados,
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John Birch Society chapters, Scientology freaks, white supremacy groups and
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Hare Krishna devotees. "We realized it would be easy to mmx them up in one
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pile and come out with something better," Smith says.
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Whether the world was ready or not, Dr. Bob was introduced through an
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appropriately demented, 16-page pamphlet. His disciples sold the pamphlet for
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$1, recommending that converts spread the gospel by leaving it in laundromats
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and restrooms.
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But just who is Dr. J.R. (Bob) Dobbs, the man with that obnoxiously
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self-assured smile?
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Only this much is known: Bob is about 60 years old. His father was a Mayan
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pharmacist, his mother the relative of an Irish revolutionary. Bob became a
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millionaire at age 6, and while in high school received a degree in law through
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a correspondence course. He did top-secret intelligence work during World War
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II, then became an author (his 'Sleeping for Fitness' was a best seller).
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Finally, he went into business and became an awning salesman extraordinaire.
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He leads a motley assemblage of family: wife, Connie (his first-grade
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sweetheart), his five sons (Bubba, Bobby Jr., Adam Kadman, Shem and Shaun) and
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his daughter (her name has never been released for fear of her being
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kidnapped).
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Bob, his disciples say, is everywhere. "He might be infiltrating the
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Austral Plane(CQ) or be on Skid Row giving a bum a haircut or tumbling in bed,
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extracting secrets from some conspiracy wench," according to "The Book of the
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SubGenius."
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What has garnered such a following for Dr. Bob is his carefree philosophy,
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which is a cross between Alfred E. Newman's and Ozzy Osbourne's.
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His motto is "Slack off!" which translates to doing what you want to do
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whenever you want to do it. "The world is a turkey," according to "The Book of
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the SubGenius," "and Bob gives you the carving knife."
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No religion would be complete without a prescribed death ritual. Bob's
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recommendations are not for the queasy. "The great honor for any SubGenius is
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to have his head mounted on Bob's rumpus room wall, or his skull made into one
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of Dobbs' ritual ashtrays. Give of yourself and you will be assured of special
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treatment on The Other Side."
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Interested readers who wish to become Dr. Bob devotees should know how to
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salute fellow parishioners. Put an index finger to the throat, run it up and
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down over the Adam's apple fast and gurgle "EYIYIYI."
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Actual churches of Dr. Bob followers have been established. Active
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congregations exist in New York, Chicago, San Franccsco, Austin, Minneapolis
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and Boston -- but not in Dallas. "It's too straight a city," says Smith.
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In Berkeley, there is even a weekly Dr. Bob radio show. Scribe Smith
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estimates about 30,000 followers adhere to the cult.
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Abandoned 1950's motels, gas stations and hamburger stands are recommended
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as potential sites of worship. Typical Dr. Bob ceremonies start with
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congregants screaming at the top of their lungs, followed by a general pelting
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of the self-ordained minister with coins. The donations are not
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tax-deductible, however; the SubGenius Foundation is a profit-making business
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incorporated within Dallas County. Even Dr. Bob's face is protected with a
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registered trademark.
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All the writing of "The Book of the SubGenius," as well as most of the
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production work, was accomplished at Smith's house. It took six months to
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complete the manuscript for McGraw-Hill.
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The last thing Smith wants is for the cult to be swallowed up by an
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egocentric leader. "If we get too big, were going to have to kill Bob. I'd
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hate to do it. But he doesn't need the money. I want it."
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----------
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Transcribed without permission from The Chapel Hill Newspaper 9/26/83
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Byron Howes
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UNC - Chapel Hill
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duke!unc!bch
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