64 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
64 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
|
||
TIPS FOR PREFORMERS: Playing cards have the top half upside-down to help
|
||
cheaters. There are a finite number of jokes in the universe. Singing is a
|
||
trick to get people to listen to music for longer than they would ordinarily.
|
||
There is no music in space. People will pay to watch people make sounds.
|
||
Everything on stage should be larger than in real life.
|
||
|
||
LIVING WITH OTHER PEOPLE: Violence on television only affects children whose
|
||
parents act like television personallities. Table manners are for people who
|
||
have nothing better to do. Civilization is a religion. Civilized people walk
|
||
funny. There is always a party going on somewhere. People will remember you if
|
||
you always wear the same outfit.
|
||
|
||
LIFE ON EARTH: Men like pastries, women like custards. Scientists have
|
||
invented a love drug, but it only works on bugs. Animals like earthquakes,
|
||
tornadoes, and volcanic activity. Nuclear weapons can wipe out life on Earth,
|
||
if used properly. Cats like houses better than people. Dolphins find people
|
||
amusing, but they don't want to talk to them. People look ridiculous when
|
||
they're in ecstasy. Schools are for training people how to listen to other
|
||
people. Body odor is the window to the soul. Sound is worth money.
|
||
|
||
IN THE HOME: There have been cases where people's shoes got stuck on their
|
||
feet and could never be removed. The best way to get rid of unwanted flying
|
||
insects is to have strong body odor. There hasn't been a good=looking American
|
||
car in 20 years. There is always something on television. The best length for
|
||
television programs is either 30 seconds or 8 hours.
|
||
|
||
THE SPACE PEOPLE: Space People read our mail. The Space People think that TV
|
||
news programs are comedies, and that soap operas are news. The Space People
|
||
will contact us when they can make money by doing so. The Space People think
|
||
factories are musical instruments. They sing along with them. Each song lasts
|
||
from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. No music on weekends.
|
||
|
||
MONEY: People will do odd things if you give them money. When everything is
|
||
worth money, then money is worth nothing. If you keep your money in your shoe,
|
||
then people will know which bills are yours. If you crumple your money into
|
||
little bills, it will never stick together. The best way to touch money is by
|
||
the edges. U.S. money is the worst looking money in the world.
|
||
|
||
WORLD TRAVEL: Passport pictures are what people really look like. Rich people
|
||
will travel great distances to look at poor people. Toast is the national dish
|
||
of Australia. People never travel to look at flat landscapes. People would
|
||
rather watch things than eat. Looking at postcards is better than looking at
|
||
the real thing. Looking up is as scary as looking down.
|
||
|
||
IN THE FUTURE: In the future, women will have breasts all over. In the future,
|
||
it will be a relief to find a place without culture. In the future, plates of
|
||
food will have names and titles. In the future, we will all drive standing up.
|
||
In the future, love will be taught on television and by listening to pop
|
||
songs.
|
||
|
||
WORK: Crime is a job. Sex is a job. Growing up is a job. School is a job.
|
||
Going to parties is a job. Religion is a job. Being creative is a job.
|
||
|
||
[] These strange paragraphs reprinted without permission, but reprinted
|
||
nonetheless from the live album STOP MAKING SENSE, by The Talking Heads.
|
||
These same lyrics were reprinted in some stupid text-file by some 408
|
||
morons who didn't have the sense to give David Byrne credit for his
|
||
writings.
|
||
|
||
[] The Darque Side of the Moon BBS/AE! 408/245-SPAM! 300/1200! 10 megs! Boog!
|
||
|
||
|
||
(> (> |