83 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
83 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
I got into Tom Lehrer in middle school, when a Chemistry teacher played this
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song for me: at one time I knew every song off of his three albums by heart. It
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has been fun trying to remember all of these: I did it from memory, with the
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slight help of the 29th edition of the CRC handbook of Chemistry and Physics
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for spelling. It's hard to believe some of these are real, or could be put into
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a coherent [?!] song, this one the "Major General's Song" from _The Pirates of
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Penzance_ by Gilbert and Sullivan. Lehrer at times seems to be punishing
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himself, or us: the alliterations, especially in the penultimate verse,
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are easily some of the vilest tounge-twisters imaginable. Some of these
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names are difficult to pronounce slowly, in isolation!
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The Elements
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--- --------
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As Sung by Tom Lehrer Music by Sir Arthur Sullivan
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There's Antimony, Arsenic, Aluminium, Selenium
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and Hydrogen and Oxygen and Nitrogen and Rhenium
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Nickel, Neodynium, Neptunium, Germanium
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and Iron, Americium, Ruthenium, Uranium
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Europium, Zirconium, Lutetium, Vanadium
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and Lathanium and Osmium and Astatine and Radium
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Gold and Protactinium and Indium and Gallium
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and Iodine and Thorium and Thulium and Thallium
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There's Yttrium, Ytterbium, Actinium, Rubidium
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and Boron, Gadolinium, Niobium, Iridium
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and Strontium and Silicon and Silver and Samarium
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and Bismuth, Bromine, Lithium, Beryllium and Barium
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Isn't that interesting?
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I knew you would.
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I hope you're all taking notes,
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because there's going to be a short quiz next period!
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There's Holmium and Helium and Hafnium and Erbium
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Phosphorus and Francium and Flourine and Terbium
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Manganese, and Mercury, Molybdenum, Magnesium
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Dysprosium, and Scandium, and Cerium and Cesium
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Lead, Praesodynium, Platinum, Plutonium
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Paladium, Promethium, Potassium, Polonium
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Tantalum, Tecnetium, Titanium, Tellurium
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and Cadmium, and Calcium, and Chromium, and Curium
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There's Sulfur, Californium, Fermium, Berkelium
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and also Mendelevium, Einsteinium, Nobelium
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Argon, Krypton, Neon, Radon, Xenon, Zinc, and Rhodium
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and Chlorine, Carbon, Copper, Cobalt, Tungsten, Tin, and Sodium
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These are the only ones
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of which the news has come to Harvard:
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and there may be many others
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but they haven't been discavard!
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[With a "Shave and a Haircut -- Two Bits" flourish at the end!]
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----------
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As far as an updated version, by IUPAC 1983, Lehrer only misses four,
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elements 103 to 109 (skipping 108). Of these, only 103 has an accepted name
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(Lawrencium). The rest have "working titles" which are the latinizations
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of their atomic numbers, for example, "Unnilquadium" for element 104.
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Lawrencium could conceivably be shoehorned in before Mendelevium, replacing
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"and also".
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Perhaps the end of the song could be changed to:
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These are the only ones
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of which the names can be pronoun'ced
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And the rest have names in Latin
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but they haven't been accep'ted!
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Alan B. Canon UUCP: ...!psuvax1!ulkyvx.bitnet!abcano01
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440 Highfield Rd. INTERNET: abcano01%ulkyvx.bitnet@cunyvm.cuny.edu
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Louisville, KY 40207 BITNET: abcano01@ulkyvx
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"You fool! You've just fallen victim to one of the classic blunders! The most
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famous is, `Never get involved in a land war in Asia', but only slightly less
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well known is, `Never go in against a SICILIAN when DEATH is on the line!!!'"
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