589 lines
35 KiB
Plaintext
589 lines
35 KiB
Plaintext
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1 If you are in need of help, you need but ask...
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2 ************************* INSTALLED: 28 APR 85 *********************
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3 Welcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System) Mike Day System operator
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4 ************************************************************
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5 GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION
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6 PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM.
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7 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privately owned
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8 and operated system which is currently open for use by the general public.
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9 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is
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10 privately owned, I retain the right to remove any and all messages which
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11 I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the system, it will be
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12 periodically purged of messages. (only 629 lines of data can be saved)
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13 To leave a message, type 'ENTER' and use ctrl/C or break to get out of the
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14 ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering the
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15 message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to replace
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16 the line. To exit from the system, type 'OFF' then hang up.
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17 Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system.
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18 ************************************************************
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19
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20 The time of madness is upon us, as the hot dry winds blow off the desert sands.
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21
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22 ====
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23 __________::::::::::__________::::::::::__________::::::::::__________::::::::::
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24 Guardian--> You are awaited on PCS/CBBS.
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25
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26 Herr Oeberschlumph--> C'est (indeed) la vie. The fight is not a fight, it is
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27 more of a struggle to maintain communication. The best of me has not yet been
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28 gotten, nor will it. If communication breaks down and takes good relations with
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29 it, I will not be defeated. Dissapointed, perhaps, yet undefeated.
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30
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31 Entropy--> I will try to get in touch with you voice today some time, for a good
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32 reason. Until then.
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33
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34 ::::::::::__________::::::::::_________ The Jiz /// ::::::::::__________
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35
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36
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37 I am on! Centroidal connectors engage with a creak. Semi-distolic
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38 pressurizers hum with a soft beat as they interact with tri-axial mobility
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39 joints. The database gets a 52K core dump from the auxiliary databus,
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40 causing the autostart ROMs to begin their boot procedure. Memory diagnosis
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41 is run, and upon completion, authorization for bi-lateral limb checkout
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42 is given. Quick checks to all power centers reveal the entire mobility
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43 network is fully functional and ready for sequencing from central
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44 processing. In the lateral sections, auto-gyros are spun to torque and re-
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45 stabilization process is begun.
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46
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47 Pressurization is complete, and the the pre-authorized limb
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48 checkout commences. Right check: 0, 45, 90, 180 complete. Left check:
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49 ditto. Main stabs check: Right OK Left OK. Bi-lats checkout complete.
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50 Begin sensory startup. Visual sensors open. Adjust that iris! Nominal.
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51 Auditory sensors begin startup. Volume check, watch the gain. Check
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52 for overload. Nominal. Olfactory check: Blast pressure valve niner-five,
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53 clear that passageway. Incoming pressure normal. Exhaust backpressure
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54 negative. Standby reservoirs drained and fully functional. Vocal circuits
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55 check: Stand by with surge for vocal test. Ready...go! Auditory report,
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56 vocal prep AOK. Small problem with lubricant; minimal amounts present.
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57 Order resupply to vocal section. Report from fuel storage: Levels low,
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58 suggest reorder and supply ASAP. Running on reserves now, operating speed
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59 90 percent normal until resupply.
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60
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61 Confirmation to fuel storage. Manifest checked, course plotted.
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62 All sections prepare for full movement operation. Lateral section:
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63 swing operation...Now! Vertical...Now. Execute vertebrate position.
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64 All sections...Go!
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65
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66 Waver! Steady gyros, bi-lats: into main stabilize position.
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67 All levels secure before horizontal movement. Check. Waver nominal.
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68 All sections report green go.
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69
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70 "Good morning honey."
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71
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72 ______________________________________testing the waters____________________
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73
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74 HELLO
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75 SORRY
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76 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?.
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77 PaPa! yes, interesting to say the least. Next time lets not abort console
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78 during a disk packing. It seems that when it rains, it pours, and yet another
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79 twit has surfaced. It seems that somebody managed to leave mail to Le Nerd,
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80 under the name of Jim bell, saying that he wanted his semi-disk back!
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81 Needless to say, Nerd central was a bit suprised! Twit/new also left mail on
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82 most of the 1200 baud systems around saying that he was shutting down cbbs/
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83 aloha. also not true. It seems as if my work is never done, sigh, but I live
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84 for the moments of glory at the unmasking of some particularly vile twit.
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85 and yes, I did have fun with that child molester!
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86 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?/mig/? ?.
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87 HELP
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88 ===============================================================================
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89 THE MISSING KEY (PART 1)
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90 TROUBLE WAS BREWING DOWN IN THE SLEAZY PART OF THE TOWN OF ARROWWART, THE
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91 ONLY CITY ON THE SOUTHWEST COAST OF THE ISLE OF CLOUDS. AARON HAD HEARD
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92 THAT THE COLONY OF GIZERFFS (A TRULY DISGUSTING LOT) HAD STOLEN THE ORB
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93 OF TIME AND THE MAP TO EGOR' S PITFALL. TWOOD BE A SORRY DAY (AND NIGHT)
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94 IF THE GIZERFFS GOT INTO THE SACRED HALL OF EGOR. THE GATE OF PURPLE HAZE
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95 WOULD UNFOLD AND CASTE ETERNAL DARKNESS AND CHAOS ONTO THE LOVELY LAND OF
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96 THE ISLE OF CLOUDS.
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97
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98 THE ORDERS FROM THE COUNCIL OF CAPTAINS WENT OUT TO THE FOUR
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99 ADVENTURES: ARRON OF HILLCROP, ZORGON THE VILE, THE WIZ & SKIP THE
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100 WANDERER. EACH HAS SEEN THE WARS AND EACH COULD CARE LESS, BUT THEY ALL
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101
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102 (TO BE CONTINUEDD)
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103 ===============================================================================
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104 THE MISSING KEY (PART 2)
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105
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106 KNEW IF THEY DID NOT HELP RETRIEVE THE ORB AND THE MAP, THEY WOULD NOT
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107 THEMSELVES ESCAPE THE FORTHCOMING DOOM.
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108 THUS THE FOUR WERE IN ARROWWART, EACH AT THE MONENT EXPERIENCING
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109 THE SO-CALLED LAST WISH BEFORE DEATH (THEY KNEW THE ODDS OF RETURNING
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110 WERE APX 1 OUT OF ETERNITY). ZORGON WAS VISITING THE HOUSE OF THE
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111 PLATINUM POOTANG, ARRON PRESENTLY DRINKING GRIFFIN'S BLOOD AT THE GREEN
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112 GRIFFON, THE WIZ ALSO WAS DRINKING BUT NOT AT THE INN. HE INSTEAD DRANK
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113 WITH SKIP AT THE COUNCILS LODGE. (THE COUNCIL HAS THE BEST ROCKWATER
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114 GLOWWORM SQUEEZINGS THIS SIDE OF TOCUMS GRAIL). EACH OF THE CAPTAINS
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115 DONATED 100 GOLD DISKS FOR THE PLEASURES OF THE ADVENTURES. MEANWHILE...
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116 GROUT, HEADMAN OF THE PACK, WAS CONTIMPLATING THE ARRIVAL OF THE FOUR IN
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117 THE CITY. HE HAD HEARD THAT THE COUNCIL HAD FUNDED THE RETURN OF THE
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118 ASSBITE QUARTET (SO FONDLY CALLED BY HIMSELF) BUT HOPED THAT THEY WOULD
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119 SHOW. NOW A NEW PLAN HAD TO FORM...DAM'N! THOUGHT AARON WHILE HE WALKED
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120 THE AVENUE OF WHORES. HE KNEW GETTING ZORGON OUT OF THAT HELLHOUSE WOULD
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121 BE LIKE TRYING TO TAKE A BONE FROM A BONER, HOPELESS. (NOT TO MENTION
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122 THAT YOU COULD LOSE MORE THAN YOUR FINGER-ARM-SHOULDER-ETC).
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123 THE SHINING PORTAL OF LOVE WAS DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HIM NOW AS
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124 HE WALKED TO THE END OF THE AVENUE. HA! THE MADAM HAD CAUGHT WIND OF
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125 HIM AS THEY BOTH HAD ILL TIDINGS TO REMEMBER FROM THEIR LAST MEETING.
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126 POOR ZORGON WAS SITTING IN THE GUTTER WITH HIS HANDS ON HIS HEADS,
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127 PROBABLY PRAYING THAT THE OLD WOMAN WILL GET HERS FROM BEHIND NEXT TIME.
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128 "COM ON, YOU IDIOT!" CRIED AARON, "WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO SIT ON ARSES
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129 TONIGHT. WE HAVE 5 MINUTES TO GET TO THE LODGE " "ALRIGHT, WHERE THE #$%"
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130 IS THE WIZ & SKIPPER?". "THIER PROBABLY WAITING FOR US THERE RIGHT NOW!
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131 WILL YOU GET UP AND LETS GET GOING!" CRIED ARRON.
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132 AFTER A SHORT WHILE THE FOUR WERE AGAIN UNITED AT THE LODGE WHERE
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133 THE PASHA GAVE INSTRUCTIONS FOR ASSULTING THE LAIR OF THE DREADED
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134 GIZERFFS. ONLY 1 WEEK REMAINED BEFORE THE GIZERFFS COULD USE THE ORB
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135 TO ENTER THE HALL OF OZONE WHICH EMPTIED INTO THE GATE OF PURPLE HAZE.
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136 THE GROUP LISTENED THE DRONING OF THE PASHA, EACH BARLY AWARE OF THE
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137 WARNINGS HE SPOKE. ALL WERE FULLY KNOWLEDGABLE IN THE TRAPS THAT LAY
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138 AHEAD. THE JOURNEY WOULD START BEFORE THE MORN TO ENABLE SECRECY OF
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139 THEIR DEPARTURE.
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140 THE MORNING HAHELD NO SURPRISES FOR THE ADVENTURING QUARTET AS THE
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141 FOUR EAGLES FLEW TOWARD THE MOUNTAIN OF COSMOS. (THESE ARE HUGE BIRDS
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142
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143 WITH A WINGSPAN OF 40+ FEET). IT WOULD TAKE THE BETTER PART OF THREE
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144 DAYS TO ARRIVE AT THE MOUNTAIN THOUGHT AARON WHILE WATCHING ZORGON
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145 RELIEVE HIS BADLY ABUSED PAUNCH. "THE VILE ONE WAS THE PERFECT NAME
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146 FOR ZORGON" THOUGHT SKIP, AS HE TRIED IN VAIN TO DEFLECTED THE HEAVINGS
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147 OF THE VILE ONE. SUDDENLY AN ARROW SCREAMED BY THE WIZ'S HEAD, "AWAKE!
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148 THE HAWKMEN ARE OPON US!!" CRIED THE WIZ WHO WAS READYING A TANGLEWEB
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149 SPELL. SKIP BROUGHT HIS TRUSTY PHOTON RIFLE TO HIS SHOULDER AND PROCEEDED
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150 TO DISINTIGRATE THE FIRST ATTACK WAVE WHILE ZORGON AND AARON READIED
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151 MATCHING MAGIN C CROSSBOWS. THE SKIRMISH LASTED ONLY MINUTES AS THE BADLY
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152 ARMED HAWKMEN FOUND THAT 50 TO 4 ARE NOT GOOD ODDS FOR FIGHTING THESE
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153 FOUR WARRIORS. THE REST OF THE TRIP WENT UNINTERRUPED TILL THEY LANDED
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154 AT THE BASE OF THE MOUNTAIN OF COSMOS.
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155
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156 (TO BE CONTINUED)
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157 ==========================================THE SWEDE========================
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158
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159 -=[*]=- -=[*]=- -=[*]=- -=[*]=- -=[*]=-
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160 THOR and all: Are you tired of BWMS
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161 being busy all the time? Are you tired
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162 of TANIS being busy all the time? Well
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163 the solution is at hand.
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164 The Alternate World
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165 It has 1000+ b-board lines available,
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166 along with a large message base.
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167 The number is 777-xxxx. Give it a
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168 try, who knows, you might even like it.
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169 -=[*]=- -=[*]=- -=[*]=- -=[*]=- -=[*]=-
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170 ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
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171
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172 one might assume... since satyrist is not entering anymore... that we are now
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173 free to make mistakes... so let the gmames or lives... whichever pleases you
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174 the most... begin...
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175
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176 ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
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177
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178 tilean leaped off the bus... minding the drop... and landed rather well...
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179 and was soon skipping his way down the empty streets...
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180
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181 the moon was smothered in some black clouds... the light filtered through...
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182 the white light was carried on the crisp air of early damn...
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183
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184 slowly... and noticing the white spout his breath caused... tilean pulled
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185 further up the drain pipe... and soon... he mounted the roof...
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186
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187 from there it was a few shorts skips... one ladder and a flight of stairs...
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188 and he closed his door... another night he had come home undetected...
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189
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190 tilean sat at the terminal... and slowly started to turn everything on... and
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191 that includes a small stereo... to which tilean tuned a favored station...
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192
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193 and after a few minutes of keys clicking... and a few thousand calls... the
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194 eyes of tilean peered over to the side of the terminal...
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195
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196 some papers were shuffling amongst themselves... and all alone... it was a
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197 weird thing to watch... and then... tilean thought he saw...
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198
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199 by jove... he thought he saw a furry little paw... and a furry head shaking
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200 off some sleep... teddy bears always did sleep soundly...
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201
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202 ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
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203
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204
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205 ==============================================================================
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206 VERY NICE! I NEED TO READ YOUR COLUMN MORE OFTEN...IT IS REFRESHING TO KNOW
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207 THAT SOMEWHERE OUT IN THE VAST SILENCE THAT THERE IS A MIND STILL OPEN TO
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208 THE BREEZES AND SOUNDS OF IMAGINATION. TIL THE NEXT THOUGHT FLOWS...
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209 ===============================================THE SWEDE==================
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210 ALSO KNOWN IN TANSIS AS BIGFOOT
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211 ========================================================================
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212
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213 ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
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214 "UNDER Financed: Part 3"
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215 Arjusk smiled slightly as he watched Elizabeth chew David out once more
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216 for calling her 'Liz'. She detested the name, and threatened to get violent
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217 the next time he said it. Peterson backed off.
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218 They'd only been in San Fransisco a few hours. The orders had been quite
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219 clear: Act like tourists until dark, then go to work. They'd tried hard to
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220 act the tourist part. At the moment, they were inside the Ripley Museum,
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221 gaping at the displays in mock-fascination. Arjusk wasn't sure if David's
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222 fascination was mock or not, but he didn't care.
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223 "Hey, Tony, dig this mermaid skeleton!" David called. "Ain't it a riot?"
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224 Elizabeth threw up her hands in disgust. Despite UNDERGROUND's careful
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225 training, Peterson was still the rude boor he always was. UNDERGROUND's
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226 therapists had given up on him long ago.
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227 "Whazza matter, Liz, did I embarrass you?" David said.
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228 With a motion faster than the eye could follow it, Elizabeth demonstrated
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229 to Peterson why she was "Operative Ryan"- her punch was so swift as to be
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230 almost undetectable to anyone but the recipient.
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231 A loud "oopf" emanated from David, who'd obviously had the wind knocked
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232 out of him. "Why'd ya do that for?" he asked.
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233 "It's Elizabeth, or Ryan, or Ms. Ryan to you, buddy. NOT Liz."
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234 "Stop, you two," Arjusk broke in. "Let's move on. I'd like to eat before
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235 we continue."
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236 Peterson was glad to do anything that would further distract Elizabeth.
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237 "Okay, Tony. Hey, why're you so nervous about, anyway? There's practically
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238 no one else here."
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239 Arjusk paused, then spoke. "I'm not quite sure. I've just got a bad
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240 feeling about this job, that's all. Emanations, if you will. Bad vibes. A
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241 feeling of impending doom..."
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242 "Enough, Tony. I get the idea, and I wouldn't waste my breath trying to
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243 get David to understand. It'd take another week. Let's go."
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244 They left, Elizabeth and Arjusk just slightly ahead of Peterson, who had
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245 the distinct impression that he'd been insulted, but wasn't sure.
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246 [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ UNDERGROUND [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
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247 [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/]
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248 WHY, MISS RYAN. DID I NOTE A DEFINATELY GOOD STORY? PERHAPS ANOTHER IMPOSTER.
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249 BUT AT LEAST THE IMPOSTER WRITES VERY WELL!!
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250
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251 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?.
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252 cistop: Would you perchance know anything about the "logical equipment corp."
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253 "TINA" system? It uses some sort of psychotic expert system programming
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254 language. And I have to translate 2000 lines of that crud to FORTRAN. I
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255 tried getting ahold of the gentleman who wrote the source but he seems to have
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256 left the company. Logical themselfs wants major bucks for the "human language
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257 interface manual" [retch!]. Any hints? ideas? random thoughts?
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258 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?/MiG/OGL/?.
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259 *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*Dreamtoucher*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
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260 Here we go again (I hope!)
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261 missing key, testing, tilean, underground: Story telling lives, bravo, bravo!
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262 *=*=*=*=* *=*=*=*=* *=*=*=*=* *=*=*=*=* *=*=*=*=*
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263 The Cathode Plate: the real sixth and hopefully concluding eppisode!
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264 He found that thair was great depth of redundancy and that by a few minor
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265 reconfigurations, nearly of the mechine's origeonal functions could be restored
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266 In rerairing the mobile he disabled all of it's lethal functions. The mechine
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267 must have been awair of this but made no obnection. Not without trepidation
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268 Thenan tried the autochief, and was delighted to find the resaults of nearly
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269 gormet quality. With funcionality restored as fully as practical, he spent
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270 hexichrons and hexichrons ploughing through the mechine's archievs. With a
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271 small portion of it, carefully isolated and off line from the rest, he attemp-
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272 ted to reestablish contact with it's former net. He found that most of it's
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273 brother nodes either could not or would not respond. Those that did were as
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274 irrational and incohierent as itself had been. He found in it's archieves te
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275 the locations of these other nodes as well as a complete artificial world,
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276 appearently abondoneded for melinia. He had a printout made of these loca-
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277 tions w;hich he folded and tucked inside his shirt into a concealed pocket.
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278 This, he knew, would be the begining of a lifelong adventure. It occured to
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279 him that with what he had learned he could no longer be held against his will
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280 yet he remained and continued to converse with it at length. He slept. On
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281 awaikening the conversation resumed ware it had left off.
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282 In due time, many of the colonests were restored and started poping up
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283 on the plates ware they had dissappeared. Others, for one reason or another,
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284 could not. Defense systems person Cila was one of these.
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285 Thenan promesed then that he would return from time to time when he could
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286 and indeed was latter able to keep that promise many times. No one else has
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287 ever found a way to gain access to that sealed chamber. As a parting gift the
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288 mechine made a complete copy of Thenan's awairness and stored it in it's files.
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289 Now whenever Thenan 'dies', someware a featus is immpressed with that pattern
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290 and his spirit migrates to it.
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291 This is not compleate immortality for eventualy the immage or the mechine
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292 itself will go the way of all things. Until it does however, his awairness
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293 may live one life after another for thousands, perhaps millions, of years.
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294 ...and... Though Cila could not be restored, unbeknownst even to Thenan, the
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295 mechine took and stored a simmiliar precies of her!
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296 Seeing the Lucabethu pioneers being returned, the remaining crew of the
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297 Jeluni knew something was up. Contact was reestabilished with the sector
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298 capitol and the ship prepaired to lift. Even so, Thenan's 'rematerialization'
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299 sitting lotus-like, directly in the center of Jeluni's bridge, came as some-
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300 thing of a supprize to one and all.
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301 Many hexichrons of debriefing passed before everyone on board was sat-
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302 isfied. By then, Lucabethu's sun was just another star swimming in the depths
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303 of the void.
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304 - end -
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305 *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
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306
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307
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308 ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppgot those monday mornin lurkin blues!ppppppppppp
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309 WK
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310 [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/]
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311 Things to do
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312 Where's my shoe
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313 There's places to go
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314 And poems I owe
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315
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316 Today I move
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317 I've got to prove
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318 I can live with my folks
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319 And smile at their jokes
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320 [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] THE TIN MAN [/] [/]
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321 ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
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322 Above: Miss Ryan has yet to read that entry. Thank you for the compliment.
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323 [[[[[[[[[[[ John K. O'Hara, a.k.a. UNDERGROUND [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
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324 ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZippydalurker...
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325 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH !! WAHT
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326 ANOTHER SETRIES OF MUTUAL FLATTERING ?????????
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327 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?.
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328 waht, somebody whith no concept of lower-case????????????? You have something
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329 against a little praise? perhaps because you never get any?
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330 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?/MiG/OGL/?.
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331 MIG: THAT'S ALL I COULD HONESTLY AFFORD; AND HOW DID YOU KNOW I'M NOT A MEMBER
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332 OF YOUR MUTUAL "LICK MY BOOT" CLUB.
|
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333 AND PRAISE UNDESERVED NOMATTER LITTLE AS CAN BE IS SATIRE IN DISGUISE.
|
||
334
|
||
335
|
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336 I WISH I WUZ A TWITTLE EGG
|
||
337 AS WOTTEN AS CAN BE
|
||
338 AND WHEN SOMARD I DISLIKE
|
||
339 WOULD PASS UNDER MY TWEE
|
||
340 I 'LL DROP MY WOTTEN SELF
|
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341 ON HE
|
||
342 .... TWIT TWITTY . . ..
|
||
343 UP 10
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344 PRINT
|
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345
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346
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347 |\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\
|
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348 Finaly after a couple of days lurking in this land of poly-chromatic
|
||
349 ceramics I am out, it seems like a miracle, but no, all around me are trees,
|
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350 shrubs, and all sorts of other green things. There are litle streams
|
||
351 trickling down my nose and chin, but it all feels so good after the asceptic
|
||
352 land I have just left. I realize that even though I have no real remembrance
|
||
353 of what has been happening to me in the recent past, one of the things that
|
||
354 has not happened is sleep, so I set off to find a semi-dry spot in which to
|
||
355 rest my weary body and think over all the events of the last few months that
|
||
356 have brought me to responding to this new name.
|
||
357 The Advocate
|
||
358 |\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\||\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|
|
||
359
|
||
360 -so
|
||
361 with all the bitching and moaning that went on about him, I now sort of
|
||
362 miss the satyrist, not for his use/abuse of other peoples borders and
|
||
363 names, but for the different aproach he took to so many things, it was
|
||
364 refreshing in many ways. Even his making fun of people, would have
|
||
365 been tolerable if he had done so ONLY under his own name and without
|
||
366 crude references.
|
||
367 Those of you who were not at the Nerd-O-Fest missed out on some good
|
||
368 times, oh well, your loss.
|
||
369 It apears that the caos that invaded the CBBSs, Le Nerd, and the Bit Bucket
|
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370 has all been resolved for the best, now it is all up to MiG/OGL to figure
|
||
371 and properly castigate the culprit.
|
||
372 Mikey: when do we get to change text again?
|
||
373 All: source to a 'C' program to fix the output of BW is for d/load on Le Nerd
|
||
374 -so
|
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375 th
|
||
376
|
||
377 "The Punk at the square"
|
||
378 written by the big CR
|
||
379 part one
|
||
380
|
||
381 cris the punk got up one day out o
|
||
382 of his bed and rubbed his bloodshot
|
||
383 the punk at the square cont.
|
||
384 eyes. his first thought was to go to the bathroom, but he decided to go out the
|
||
385 window.He then looked around for something to eat.on the counter in his dirty
|
||
386 apart ment he found a piece of wonder bread. he ate it up and then decided to
|
||
387 go to the square. hhe started walking to pionerr square and saw an old lady.
|
||
388 he said to the lady,"look! your shoe is untied!"
|
||
389 the old lady bent down to see andcris kicked her in the butt.
|
||
390 Just then, cris's punk friend, sniff walked by. Cris said hi.
|
||
391 sniff said"hey cris, you go to the black flag concert?"
|
||
392 cris replied"no, i was too busy spiking my hair and making out with this girl"
|
||
393
|
||
394
|
||
395
|
||
396
|
||
397
|
||
398 ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? THINGS TO DO WHEN THE SYSTEM GOES
|
||
399 ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? THINGS TO DO WHEN THE YSTEM GOES
|
||
400 aaargh! maybe later.
|
||
401 OK, it's later. Let's see...
|
||
402 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
|
||
403 THINGS TO DO WHEN THE SYSTEM GOES DOWN
|
||
404 If your system has a 98% uptime rate and you are diligent, very
|
||
405 hardworking and responsible, then this article is not for you. If, however,
|
||
406 your system hiccups, coughs, has frequent schizophrenic fits and enjoys
|
||
407 restful afternoon naps, I offer awsistance to fill in the empty, boring hours
|
||
408 that you might have spent documenting, reading technical journals and otherwise
|
||
409 improving your data processing skills:
|
||
410 * Complain about your salary.
|
||
411 * Complain about your manager and how you can do his job better than he can.
|
||
412 * Update your resume.
|
||
413 * Use the lovely squares, circles and other symbols on your template to achieve
|
||
414 a masterpiece of high-tech art.
|
||
415 * Call Dial-a,Joke.
|
||
416 * Take the stress test given in any fitness magazine and discover that you
|
||
417 checked "yes" to every question, and your cumulative score indicates an
|
||
418 imminent breakdown.
|
||
419 * Call Dial-a-Prayer.
|
||
420 * Phone your technical support group and discover (again) the line is still
|
||
421 busy.
|
||
422 * Do isometric exercises and hope no one sees your twitch.
|
||
423 * Water the plant on your desk that looks as though it has had a long,
|
||
424 lingering illness.
|
||
425 * Get yoqr eighth cup of coffee.
|
||
426 * Clean out your desk, and remove all old, rotting chocolate chip cookies
|
||
427 that are sitting next to your Addidas running shoes.
|
||
428 * Throw out all 224 compiled versions of the same program that you were keeping
|
||
429 "just in case."
|
||
430 * Improve your New York Times crossword skills after stealing a dictionary
|
||
431 from the department secretary.
|
||
432 * Examine the local DP salary survey, and discover what you already know:
|
||
433 You're underpaid.
|
||
434 * Examine Computerworl` position announcements.
|
||
435 * Draw a face on the CRT using X's and Y's.
|
||
436 * Find out all the neat toys you can make with paper clips.
|
||
437 * Reflect on the fact that major drug dealers never have to go through this,
|
||
438 and that each owns a Mercedes Benz. Consider a major career change.
|
||
439 * Investigate the cost of opening a fruit-and-vegetable stand on a good corner
|
||
440 near your office.
|
||
441 * Do weight-lifting exercises using 5-lb quality assurance manuals.
|
||
442 * Revile the specs of the systems analyst.
|
||
443 * Make paper airplanes out of the standards manual.
|
||
444 * Denigrate the programming practices of your predecessor.
|
||
445 * Have a good laugh by reading management's idea of a five-year DP plan.
|
||
446 * Construct a Frisbae out of a disk drive.
|
||
447 * Rejoice in the fact that with the system down, you have the perfect excuse
|
||
448 for not meeting the deadlina you weren't going to meet anyway.
|
||
449 * Break into the snack machine after it eats up your last quarter.
|
||
450 * Crumple the systems analysts' flowcharts into little balls, and then see
|
||
451 how many you can toss over your left shoulder into the wastebasket.
|
||
452 * Crucify a systems programmer on a tape drive.
|
||
453 * Condescend to sit with an end user and discover that the eight programs
|
||
454 you've spent months working on do not in any way, shape, manner or form
|
||
455 produce meaningful results.
|
||
456 * Leave the office, and take a brisk walk in the fall sunshine. Upon your
|
||
457 return, discover that the system came up as soon as you left, but is now
|
||
458 down again.
|
||
459 * Speculate freely on office pomances and designate the recipients of the
|
||
460 Mary Cunningham/William Agee Award.
|
||
461 * Dive into the pyramid swamping your "in" box, and uncover all of last year's
|
||
462 technical updates.
|
||
463 * Browse through the standards manual, and discover that not one program you've
|
||
464 written conforms with those standards.
|
||
465 * Detach some of the pretty, colored wires from inside your terminal, and see
|
||
466 if you can put them back together again.
|
||
467 * Reach out and touch someone long distance, using any extension in the
|
||
468 dapartment (other than your own).
|
||
469 * Cast The Wizard of Oz using members of yoqr department. It should be easy
|
||
470 to find those without brains, without hearts and who nees courage simply
|
||
471 by examining the list of executive officers.
|
||
472 * Cast Snow White using members of your department. There is usually a
|
||
473 plethora of talent available for the rola of Dopey, so compile a list of
|
||
474 understudies.
|
||
475 * Compose a Fantasy Island script on career pathing in your firm, bearing in
|
||
476 mind that there are some miracles that even Mr. Rourke cannot perform.
|
||
477 * Put the Fortran Coloring Book to good use, employing all the blue, red and
|
||
478 yellow highlighter pens you stole from the supply cabinet and forgot to take
|
||
479 home.
|
||
480 * Cveate an attractivetoy for your cat, dog or gerbil by stapling backup floppy
|
||
481 disks together.
|
||
482 * Examine the date on your IBM manuals, and find out that they are six years
|
||
483 old.
|
||
484 * Uncover the hidden treasures in the pile beneath your desk. Discard anything
|
||
485 that bites you.
|
||
486 * Remove all catsup, salt, pepper and sugar that is over two years old from
|
||
487 your work space.
|
||
488 * Remove any small, black wiggling dots from the jar of Coffee Mate.
|
||
489 * Consult your daily horoscope in the newspaper, and discover that new
|
||
490 opportunities await. Then call your hocal headhunter.
|
||
491 * Take your three-piece corduroy suit to the cleaners for its yearly pressing.
|
||
492 * Designate the weakest, wimpiest member of your department "Punk Hunk of the
|
||
493 Month," and invite the individual to put a safety pin through his nose.
|
||
494 * Do the exercises in Tom Jackson's The Perfect Resume, listing all the
|
||
495 accomplishments you could have had if the system were up.
|
||
496 * Write articles for Computerworld on "Over 50 Things to Do When the System
|
||
497 Is Down."
|
||
498 <plagarized from a Xerox passed around my office, which I imagine was plagarized from an issue of Computerworld. Origi
|
||
499 ?????????????????????????????????? QUIZMASTER ?????????????????????????????????
|
||
500 ?? Not my best upload. Last line should have said "Original author
|
||
501 - Christine Joseph". Cursed Enter Only. ??
|
||
502 ::::::::::__________::::::::::__________::::::::::__________::::::::::__________
|
||
503 Help! I'm trapped! An unwilling slave to the telecommunications world! S
|
||
504 Someone, anyone, help me!!!!!!
|
||
505 ::::::::::__________:::::::::: The Jiz /// __________::::::::::__________
|
||
506 ************************************************************************************************************************
|
||
507 hello,all.
|
||
508 Lange Zeit, nicht sehen. (if anyone else here speaks German, could you please help me with some of the grammar?)
|
||
509 anyway, I am glad to be back on line after a long absence from BW. A friend of mine does some writing(mostly for himsel
|
||
510 f), and I would like to get your reactions to it... ok?? or would you rather do it on a private board,like the Q! or
|
||
511 some other system like that?
|
||
512 hello, MIG. I hope everything is going well for you, and I hope you found the vile twit. If not, maybe we could go
|
||
513 out twit-hunting together one of these days. Have a good week and dont let them grind you down......
|
||
514 Shogota.
|
||
515 ************************************************************************************************************************
|
||
516 -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+-
|
||
517 -+- A possibility at the sands and waves -+-
|
||
518 -+- -+-
|
||
519 -+- Tell me of the time when distance won't count -+-
|
||
520 -+- Tell me when we can be near -+-
|
||
521 -+- I'll tell you then of how my heart pounds -+-
|
||
522 -+- And of time we could meet without fear -+-
|
||
523 -+- -+-
|
||
524 -+- A time to relax, alone by the windows -+-
|
||
525 -+- Alone, you and I with the stars -+-
|
||
526 -+- A feeling that with time that we've let grow -+-
|
||
527 -+- A feeling that mends the pasts scars -+-
|
||
528 -+- -+-
|
||
529 -+- Yes, tell me of times when distance won't count... -+-
|
||
530 -+- -+-
|
||
531 -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -JUGGLER- -+- -+-
|
||
532
|
||
533 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
|
||
534 Very nice! Juggler, I appreciate you and the others who present poetry.
|
||
535 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
|
||
536 -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+-
|
||
537 I appreciate your appreciation.
|
||
538 -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+-
|
||
539 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\//////////////////////////////////////
|
||
540 But I don't appreciate depreciation. Now take my car..... please. When I
|
||
541 first bought it it was worth $4000.00, but now it's not worth what I put into
|
||
542 it for repairs. My mechanic said, "Do you want me to try to repair that thing,
|
||
543 or did you bring it here so I could buy the parts." They say that you can tell
|
||
544 a lot about a person by their car. If that's right, my transmission is shot
|
||
545 and my exhaust smells of gas. I tell ya, the other night I fell asleep at the
|
||
546 wheel. My neighbor came over and released the parking brake. And the other
|
||
547 day I was driving along and a cop pulls me over. I says, "Whassamatter,
|
||
548 officer, was I driving too fast?" and he says, "No, but do you have a license
|
||
549 to operate a mobil sanitary landfill?" I was going to have it washed, but
|
||
550 when I got there they told me they wouldn't because the garbage truck only
|
||
551 comes on Thursday. The wanted to know where I placed in the demolition derby.
|
||
552 Somebody asked me why I didn't put a stereo in the car. I told 'em that you
|
||
553 shouldn't have a music system in your car that's better than the car. They
|
||
554 looked at the empty hole in the dashboard and said, "Well, your system is
|
||
555 matched perfectly." I tell ya.........
|
||
556 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\The Fool//////////////////////////////////
|
||
557 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
|
||
558
|
||
559 I am afraid of beginnings and endings
|
||
560 There is something safe with inbetweens.
|
||
561
|
||
562 There is a terror in confusion,
|
||
563 of not being able to understand,
|
||
564 of hurting from lack of knowledge
|
||
565 or a careless slip of the tongue.
|
||
566
|
||
567 It is the fear of letting go and
|
||
568 the lonliness that will ensue.
|
||
569 I've been alone so long because
|
||
570 I'm afraid of begginings and endings.
|
||
571
|
||
572 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{NEW POET}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
|
||
573
|
||
574 juggler:to repeat, nice entry. It helps when it comes from the heart, doesn't
|
||
575 it?
|
||
576
|
||
577
|
||
578 ^^^^^ Occasionaly I work my way here and find the work that awaits.
|
||
579 ^^^^^ Lately the chores have been light, for all the tasks had been
|
||
580 ^^^^^ completed before I arrive. Ah, but today has offered me the
|
||
581 ^^^^^ chance to use my idle hands... I have come here to help the
|
||
582 ^^^^^ one whose job this is, but I have heard of dastardly deeds that
|
||
583 ^^^^^ have taken away my company. I'll just have to do the cleaning
|
||
584 ^^^^^ alone with my momentary lapses in duty. I think I need a
|
||
585 ^^^^^ different bar rag, this one is a little too old and torn. >G
|
||
|
||
TOTAL NUMBER OF LINES = 585
|