615 lines
34 KiB
Plaintext
615 lines
34 KiB
Plaintext
LIST
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FILE ON
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MARGIN IS 76
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STATUS: ALL ALLOWED
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NUMBER OF LINES: 609
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1 If you are in need of help, you need but ask....
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2 ********************* REMOVED: 13 FEB 84 *******************
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3 Welcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System) Mike Day System operator
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4 ************************************************************
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5 GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION
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6 PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM.
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7 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privatly owned
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8 and operated system which is currently open for use by the general public.
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9 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is
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10 privatly owned, I retain the right to remove any and all messages which
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11 I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the system, it will be
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12 periodically purged of messages. (only 629 lines of data can be saved)
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13 To leave a message, type 'ENTER' and use ctrl/C or break to get out of the
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14 ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering the
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15 message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to replace
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16 the line. To exit from the system, type 'OFF' then hang up.
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17 Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system.
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18 ************************************************************
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19
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20 Sighing with relief at being let off the hook for the next round, the
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21 eccentric poet (a redundancy if there ever was one) turned to his companion.
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22 "Far be it from me to interfere in such a loving moment of reunion, but I
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23 believe that I might be able to lend some assistance. I was present on the
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24 first evening of up-time weapons fire, and noticed a bald fellow in an odd-
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25 looking yellow robe leaving the Inn as I approached. Seeing as I approached
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26 from Innisfall, he obviously left to there. Let's begin by asking our fellow
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27 patrons if they have seen such a one since. If not, chances are that he
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28 could still be found there." With that, the poet lurched to his feet and
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29 staggered over to the Innkeeper, returning in a moment with news and ale.
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30 "He has not been seen since by the Innkeeper. Since I have a personal reason
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31 for wishing the man ill, I would like to ask that I be allowed to add my
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32 arms to your efforts and to help bring that peace-disturbing pig's bladder
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33 to his just reward."
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34 As he spoke these words, he drew from the lining of his cloak what looked
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35 like a six-inch piece of broomstick and an assortment of very small circular
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36 saw blades...
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37 && The Mad Actor &&
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38 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
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39 Evan:The SCA was founded in Berkeley, about 1965. We are a non-profit,
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40 educational group, dedicated to the study & preservation of medieval culture.
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41 Or to put it another way... We're trying to re-create the Middle Ages.
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42 Only we're doing it the way it SHOULD have been! (No Black Death, etc).
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43 We have classes in all sorts of things (what kind of things depends
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44 on where you are). Most groups have weekly fighting practice, many have classes
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45 in medieval dances (both court dances & peasant dances). You can also find
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46 people who are interested in calligraphy, cooking, costuming, etc. Oh yes, lest
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47 I forget, there are Bards. (I am not a bard in the SCA, for some reason my
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48 singing seems to provoke the MOST unseemingly behavior. Throwing things,
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49 reaching for knives, etc). Most of the songs I have left here are SCA songs.
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50 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BARD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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51 :*************************************************************:
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52
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53 My Dearest Mohammed Wassir:
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54
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55 The final task is done. The last Andropov clone is dead. Call
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56 off your goons. I have won.
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57
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58 Let there be no cause for bitterness.
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59
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60 Let us be friends.
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61
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62 I offer my friends the treasures of the world...but I demand
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63 their obedience as their price.
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64
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65 Should you think to deceive me remember Natasha, my sister,
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66 and the horrible price she paid for her disloyalty.
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67
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68 ================
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69
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70 Lt. Salazar:
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71
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72 Why aren't you sticking up for my interestest?
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73
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74 What do you think Myrddin Emrys gave you the $800,000 for?
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75
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76 I paid for protection and all I'm getting is romance.
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77
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78 With the last Andropov clone dead things are getting really
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79 hot around here. Things are going to be getting a whole lot
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80 hotter for you too, my dear inspector, if you don't
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81 earning some of those big bucks I keep dishing out.
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82
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83 I need protection. Don't disappoint me. Remember Natasha.
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84
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85
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86 McKane
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87
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88 :************************************************************:
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89 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ 0! < 1 }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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90
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91
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92 Paul Bunyan versus the Conveyor Belt
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93 by: William Hazlett Upson
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94
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95 One of Paul Bunyan's most brilliant successes came about, not
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96 because of brilliant thinking, but because of Paul's caution and
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97 carefulness. This was the famous affair of the conveyor belt.
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98
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99 Paul and his mechanic, Ford Fordsen, had started to work a
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100 uranium mine in Colorado. The ore was brought out on an endless
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101 belt which ran half a mile going into the mine and another half
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102 mile coming out--giving it a total length of one mile. It was
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103 four feet wide. It ran on a series of rollers and was driven by
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104 a pulley mounted on the transmission of Paul's big blue truck,
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105 "Babe." The manufacturers of the belt had made it all in one
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106 piece, without any splice or lacing, and had put a half-twist in
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107 the return part so that the wear would be the same on both sides.
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108
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109 After several months' operation the mine gallery had become twice
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110 as long, but the amount of material coming out was less. Paul
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111 decided he needed a belt twice as long and half as wide. He told
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112 Ford Fordsen to take his chain saw and cut the belt in two
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113 lengthwise.
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114 "That will give us two belts," said Ford Fordsen. "We'll have to
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115 cut them in two crosswise and splice them together. That means
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116 I'll have to go to town bad buy materials for two splices."
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117 "NO," said Paul. "This belt has a half-twist--which makes it
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118 what is known in geometry as a Mobius strip."
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119 "What difference does that make?" asked Ford Fordsen.
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120 "A Mobius strip," said Paul Bunyan, "has only one side, and one
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121 edge, and if we cut it in two lengthwise, it will still be in
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122 one piece. We'll have one belt twice as long and half as wide."
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123 "How can you cut something in two and have it still in one
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124 piece?" asked Ford Fordsen.
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125
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126 Paul was modest. He was never opinionated. "Let's try this thing
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127 out," he said.
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128 They went into Paul's office. Paul took a strip of gummed paper
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129 about two inches wide and a yard long. He laid it on his desk
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130 with the gummed side up. He lifted the two ends and brought them
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131 together in front of him with the gummed sides down. Then he
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132 turned one of the ends over, licked it, slid it under the other
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133 end, and stuck the two gummed sides together. He had made
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134 himself and endless paper belt with a half-twist in it just
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135 like the big belt on the conveyor.
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136 "This," said Paul, "is a Mobius strip. It will perform just
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137 the way I said--I hope."
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138 Paul took a pair of scissors, dug the point in the center of
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139 the paper, and cut the paper strip in two lengthwise. And when
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140 he had finished, sure enough, he had one strip twice as long,
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141 half as wide, and with a double twist in it.
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142
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143 Ford Fordsen was convinced. He went out and started cutting the
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144 big belt in two. And, at this point, a man called Loud Mouth
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145 Johnson arrived to see how Paul's enterprise was coming along
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146 and to offer any destructive criticism that might occur to him.
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147 Loud Mouth Johnson, being Public Blow Hard Number one, found
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148 plenty to find fault with.
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149 "If you cut that belt in two lengthwise, you will end up with
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150 two belts, each the same length as the original belt, but only
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151 half as wide."
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152 "No," said Ford Fordsen, "this is a very special belt known as
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153 a Mobius strip. If I cut it in two lengthwise, I will end up
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154 with one belt twice as long and half as wide."
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155 "Want to bet?" said Loud Mouth Johnson
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156 "Sure," said Ford Fordsen.
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157
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158 They bet a thousand dollars. And, of course, Ford Fordsen won.
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159 Loud Mouth Johnson was so astounded that he slunk off and stayed
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160 away for six months. When he finally cane back he found Paul
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161 Bunyan just starting to cut the belt in two lengthwise for the
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162 second time.
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163 "What's the idea?" asked Loud Mouth Johnson
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164 Paul Bunyan said, "The tunnel has progressed much farther and
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165 the material coming out is not as bulky as it was. So I am
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166 lengthening the belt again and making it narrower."
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167 "Where is Ford Fordsen?"
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168 Paul Bunyan said, "I have sent him into town to get some
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169 materials to splice the belt. When I get through cutting it in
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170 two lengthwise I will have two belts the same length but only
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171 half the width of this one. So I will have to do some splicing."
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172
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173 Loud Mouth Johnson could hardly believe his ears. Here was a
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174 chance to get his thousand dollars back and show up Paul Bunyan
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175 as a boob besides. "Listen," said Loud Mouth Johnson, "when you
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176 get through you will have only one belt twice as long and half
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177 as wide."
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178 "Want to bet?"
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179 "Sure."
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180
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181 So they bet a thousand dollars and, of course, Loud Mouth
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182 Johnson lost again. It wasn't so much that Paul Bunyan was
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183 brilliant. It was just that he was methodical. He had tried it
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184 out with that strip of gummed paper, and he knew that the
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185 second time you slice a Mobius strip you get two pieces--
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186 linked together like an old-fasxioned watch chain.
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187
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188 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ The Mesolithic Mathematician }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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189
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190 ######################################
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191 HEY! More crap from figment of the imagination
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192 [DUTIFULLY FLUSHED.]
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193 *HA HA HA*
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194 ########c#############################
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195 ++++++++++-------------------+++++++++++
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196 Hey Figment!!!
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197
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198 Do you know how many Michael Jacksons
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199 fit in ONE Volkswagon????
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200 ?
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201 ?
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202 FIVE!! Two in the front
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203 Two in the back
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204 and ONE in the
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205 ASHTRAY!!
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206 *ha*ha*ha*ha*ha*ha*ha*
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207 Doc Spock
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208 ########################################
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209 88888888888888888
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210 masg
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211 ?
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212 list
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213 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hi everyone!
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214 This is me again. Yes, I just couldn't stay dead. Sometimes it's a bummer, but I usually can't leave.
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215 There are very few things that could stir me and this is one of them. Yes, it's
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216 that figment of imagination and any other mindless idiot causing busy signals
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217 and messing up this place. I plan on assassinating him as soon as I can talk
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218 Philippe into giving up his get out of heaven free card. Well, I have to be going
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219 I hear Andropov has been hanging out here. Maybe we can chat.
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220 The Ninja
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221 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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222 ~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM
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223
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224 CYM, PAM, Hrothgar, Aaron, d, Anon, Batpoop, etc.:
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225
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226 Amazing! I disappear for a few months and find none of the old
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227 (pardon the expression) user's. Are you still out there? My rather ab-
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228 rupt departure from BWMS resulted from the sale of my equipment in pre-
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229 paration for my forthcoming move to Tokyo. I am at present using a friends
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230 system. Poetry is fine but I miss the long-winded religious and political
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231 discussions of the past. I must admit, however, using BWMS as a medium
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232 for my own poetic inclinations, under the alias of "Apollo". I'll bet
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233 you never suspected! As my opportunities to access the system will be
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234 somewhat irregular, henceforth, two-way discussions of the previosly
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235 mentioned nature would be difficult. Once more, however, I would like
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236 to sieze this, perhaps my last, opportunity to attack Christianity as
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237 it has attacked American society (and others) What is the driving force
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238 of this religion that prompts the defacation of public and private property?
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239 And why do the law enforcement authorities not respond to those who clutter
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240 our public streets with "JESUS SAVES FROM HELL", "TRUST JESUS", etc. as
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241 they would (and do) to one who writes "SATAN SAVES FROM CHRISTIANITY" or
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242 "TRUST THE RAJNEESH"? Clearly, regardless of the official stand to the
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243 contrary, there is little or no separaton of state and religion in practice;
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244 lest these destructive persons regardless of their cause, would face
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245 criminal penalties. I maintain, as before, that these archaic, outdated
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246 religions are literally demoralizing and though their indulgence should
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247 remain the discretion of the indulgee, they constitute, as they always have,
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248 a grave threat to this society when protected and encouraged by the
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249 government thereof. In conclusion, I would like to request of those of the
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250 Christian persuasion, if you should ever happen to find yourself in Japan,
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251 please do not attempt to pollute the moral environment with your prehistoric
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252 philosophies and dogmas. 9% of Japanese are already Christian. I find
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253 this more than sufficiently threatening.
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254 I regret that I was unable to read any responses to my last message. If
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255 you would like to respond to this or any of my previous messages, and you
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256 don't mind a slight disruption in continuity, could you please do so in
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257 about a week. Hopefully I will again hve access to the system around
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258 that time.
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259 Mikey: Sorry I forgot you in the opening salutation. (This also applies
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260 to anyone else from "The Olden Days" [1983--that is] whom I forgot.]
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261 Ninja: Anata wa Nihonjin desu ka. Soo dewa nakereba, naze "Ninja" ni
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262 shita ka.
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263
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264 Dirty Ol' Man
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265
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266 ~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM
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267 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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268
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269 ESTATE SALE
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270
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271 Lathe, Drill press, Hydraulic press
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272 Miscellaneous shop tools & equipment
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273 Furniture & Appliances
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274 Electronics parts
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275 ***** EVERYTHING CHEAP *****
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276
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277 Saturday February 10, 10am--6pm
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278
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279
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280
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281 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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282
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283 I am refreshed to find that someone else here in Stump Town shares a similaropin
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284 DELETE
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285 -----------------------------------------------
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286 THE GENIUS OF KARL KROYER
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287
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288 In 1964, the freighter Al Kuwait, all twenty-seven hundred tons of her, capsized and sank to the bottom of Kuwait Harbor.
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289 That nation's government might have left her there had she not been carrying a cargo of six thousand sheep!
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290 Fear was that the rotting carcasses would poison the harbor. So the shipping company would be required to clean up its mess.
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291 But no one knew how.
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292 Neither the Kuwaiti government nor the shipping company had any idea of how to recover those thousands of dead sheep from the
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293 bottom of the harbor.
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294 Then someone remembered Karl Kroyer.
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295 A Danish inventor. A genius, some said. His inventions had earned him a million dollars many times over---his bicycle-wheel
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296 rim linings and his various kitchen appliances and his nonskid highway surfacing and all the other profitable patentables on
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297 which his international reputation rested.
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298 So the Kuwaiti ship owners called Karl Kroyer.
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299 No way to conduct the cleanup operations underwater, Karl decided. The freighter would first have to be raised to the
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300 surface.
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301 The ship owners agreed.
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302 But they had tried all the conventional methods of ship raising, and all had failed.
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303 Karl said he would think about it. The Kuwaitis would hear from him soon.
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304 They did.
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305 Karl dispatched a small vessel to Kuwait Harbor, armed with a long injector hose and 30 BILLION pea-sized polystyrene
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306 pellets. If hollow, air-sealed, superbuoyant plastic balls could be injected into the sunken ship's hull, the ship itself
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307 would become buoyant and float to the surface.
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308 Karl Kroyer's divers descended into Kuwait Harbor, and they carried out his instructions. The plan worked. The freighter
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309 was raised to an even keel. Mission accomplished.
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310 Karl's fee was a handsome although not unreasonable $186,000.
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311 And word got around.
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312 Off the coast of Greenland, a similar situation with a sunken steamer. They shipowners called Karl Kroyer. The vessel was
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313 raised successfully.
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314 Again, off Scotland, same situation. Kroyer was commissioned and came to the rescue.
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315 Finally, Van Den Tak of Holland, Europe's biggest ship-salvage company, joined forces with inventor Kroyer. And today
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316 polystyrene pellets are used routinely to raise sunken ships which could not have been recovered two decades ago.
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317 Karl Kroyer might really have cashed in had he been able to patent his process. Yet he could not obtain a patent for a
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318 concept that was already in existance.
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319 For Karl had borrowed the hollow plastic pellet idea. He had read about it in a magazine. He had read about a sunken yacht
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320 which had been raised to the surface by being stuffed with Pin-Pong balls!
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321 Genius inventor-engineer Karl Kroyer remembered reading about that operation in a 1949 publication.
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322 A comic book.
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323 The genius behind the genius of Karl Kroyer was Walt Disney's Donald Duck.
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324 Now you know THE REST OF THE STORY.
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325
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326
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327 (From DESTINY, by Paul Aurandt)
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328 -------------------------------------------------- P. V. Jeltz ----------------
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329 P.V.:
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330 In the last message Mr. Aurandt was inaccurate in one respect: the inventor was not actually Donald Duck, but the genius
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331 behind the Duck. One of the greatest comic-book artists to ever hold pen.
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332 No, it wasn't Disney, but a man named Carl Barks. (All TRUE comics fans stand silent in awe.)
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333 Now YOU know THE REST OF THE STORY.
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334 (So I didn't have a trick ending. Sue me.)
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335 && The Mad Actor &&
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336 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hello!
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337 Being Chinese and sort of passed around Japan, I never had a chance to learnthe lingo. Sorry.
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338 Boy life sure can be tough. I still can't talk Philippe into giving up his
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339 card. He'll never use it.
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340 The Ninja
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341 *************************************************************************
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342 ONE THING ABOUT THE STORY OF PAUL B. ABOVE, THAT WASN'T TOLD WAS HOW HE
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343 GOT THE IDEA TO CUT THE BELT INTO TO BEGIN WITH. IT SEEMS THAT THE
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344 MANUFACTURE HAD GOTTEN THE SPECS WRONG AND BUILT THE BELT TWICE AS WIDE
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345 AND WITH TWO TWISTS IN IT INSTEAD OF ONE. SO WHEN PAUL WENT TO PICK IT
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346 UP HE SAW THIS AND SAID "OH NO, NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER
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347 TWO WEEKS FOR YOU TO MAKE IT RIGHT!" THE MANUFACTURE SAID NO, IT IS NO
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348 PROBLEM, HE WOULD JUST CUT IT DOWN THE MIDDLE. "BUT", SAID PAUL, "IT
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349 WILL STILL HAVE TWO TWISTS IN EACH BELT WHEN YOU ARE DONE!" NOT SO
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350 SAID THE MANUFACTURE, AND WITH THAT TOOK THE BELT TO A CUTTING
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351 MACHINE AND SLICED THE BELT DOWN THE MIDDLE. ENDING WITH TWO SINGLE
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352 TWIST BELTS INTERLOCKED. CUTING ONE OF THE BELTS TO DISENTANGLE IT
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353 AND SPLICING IT BACK TOGETHER, HE GAVE IT TO PAUL AS A SPARE.
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354 ************************* CISTOP MIKEY ******************************
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355 -----------------
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356 Which reminds me, I think I'll go to the local bar and have a 'belt.'
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357 ---------------------------------------------------- P. V. Jeltz --------
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358 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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359 Dear Leroy;
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360 Sorry guy, you've stepped on too many people's toes recently. Those
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361 aren't my goons after you. Watch for the man in the ice cream suit, and
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362 head the other way. Others are on your trail also.
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363 Salazar will be of little help. He and Serena took the cash and have
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364 gone to L.A. to open up a private detective agency. He said something
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365 about wanting to be like Mike Hammer and gardinias. I'm really not sure
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366 what he was talking about, but I'm sure we will hear from him soon. He
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367 figured discretion was the better part of valor... Too many are on your
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368 trail. He's still miffed about Natasha.
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369 As for me, I ended up with Herman the sex-crazed platypus... Since
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370 I had a couple of reservations for Venice; you can reach us these for
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371 the next couple of weeks. Let me know when the funeral is, we'll try
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372 to attend.
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373 MAQUID SALUTE
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374 MOHAMMED WASSIR
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375 <Your Albanian in Venice>
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376 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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377
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378 ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
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379 People of the inn..
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380 did anyone go to the inncounter that c.v. planed,nobody seems to know what happened and I see no messages from c.v. anyware.
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381 so whats going down? was there a murder/rape/etc..? somebody tell me what happened o.k.?
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382 The Man in Gray
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383 ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
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384
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385
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386 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ 0! < 1 }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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387
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388 CISTOP MIKEY > My goodness the inkeeper his self!!! What does a
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389 lowly humble purveyor of number do to warrant such
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390 attention. Well I tried to twist around like you
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391 said and I belted myself in the head with my foot.
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392 becoming d
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393 i
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394 zzzz
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395 y...
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396
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397 Say, I enjoyed the story of the Beaver... perhaps he/she
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398 felt entitled to whatever grows since this is their State.
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399 There are a couple of Beavers around my place but that's
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400 hardly surprising among the loons, grebes, koots, ducks
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401 and other characters. They're amazed to find a computer
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402 here!!!! (Ah well a little anthropomorphizing as it were.)
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403
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404 One great hero of Mathematics was heard to say:
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405
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406 Give me a few people of magnitude and
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407 We shall factor the universe!!
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408
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409 Many Thanks for the drinks & the grins,
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410 you keep a fine Inn here my friend!!
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411
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412 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ The Mesolithic Mathematician }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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413
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414 ##########################################################################
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415
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416 L I M E R I C K O F T H E W E E K
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417 [THIS COMPUTER IS NOT PROGRAMMED TO RESPOND IN THAT AREA...DULY CENSORED!]
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418 ##########################################################################
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419 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
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420 MAN IN GREY: I'M WAITING FOR A TOPIC, DON'T FORGET ME! AND STARVING FOR
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421 A LITTLE MENTAL EXERCISE HERE.
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422 LEONARD: SURELY YOU COULD COME UP WITH SOMETHING.
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423 MIKEY: HELP.
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424 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?DEBORAH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
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425 P.S. DOM.......DON'T GO........PLEASE...........YOU'RE THE WHOLE REASON
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426 I WAS COMPELLED TO GET A COMPUTER!.............SEE YOU IN A WEEK.
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427 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
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428 **************************************************************
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429 STANGE WHAT REASONS THAT ENTICE PEOPLE TO GET COMPUTERS!
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430 AH WELL, ALL THINGS END UP THE SAME IN THE END.
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431 **************************************************************
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432 SIGHSIGHSIGHSIGHSIGH
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433 SIGH S I G H SIGH
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434 SIGHSIGHSIGHSIGHSIGH
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435 [][][][][][][][][] 2014 02/11/84 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
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436
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437 Deborah - I think that I may be leaning more towards your way of thinking
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438 regarding the religious discussions. Interesting, if naught else.
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439
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440 Man In Gray - I went, along with my spouse. There were at least siz murders,
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441 of poor defenseless oysters. Two crabs were broken and beaten,
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442 and a number of beverage bottles were reduced to empty shells
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443 reflecting their former selves. Nice place though.
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444
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445 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][] DJJ [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
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446
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447 ######################################
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448 Hey! It's me again, figment of the imagination!
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449
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450 Dear ninja, You really scare me!
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451 I doubt you are a ninja, I take Kempo at
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452 a Karate studio and happen to know that
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453 there are no true ninja in the USA.
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454 Ajnd should you happen to be from somewhere else
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455 than explain to me where you, A SUPPOSED NINJA, found the time
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456 to take up computing!
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457 So drop the name or I will personally look you up and
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458 show you what the bottom of my foot
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459 looks like close up.
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460
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461
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462 And to whom ever is writing over my messages,
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463 Keep it up. Now you have given me a
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464 reason to call up this
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465 system more. I have to keep re-writing my messages to make sure
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466 that everyone see's them! Sooooooo,
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467 FACE ON YOU!!!!!
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468 *ha ha ha ha ha ha ha*
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469
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470
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471
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472
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473 This man was jumping up and down on
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474 a man-hole cover shouting "29! 29!", when along
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475 came this pole. The pole asked, "why are you doing that?"
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476 Too which the man replied, "It's great exercise, try it!"
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477 So the pole got on the cover and
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478 started doing the same thing. When the man pulled the cover away. The pole fel
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479 into the sewer. The man promptly put the cover
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480 back on and started jumping up and down
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481 yelling, "30! 30!"
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482
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483
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484
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485 *ha ha ha ha*
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486
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487 I will sign on again to see if this message
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488 has been defaced.
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489
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490
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491 Figment of the imagination saying:
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492 If it ain't yours leave it alone, and If you aren't really, than don't claim to
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493 be such!
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494 ######################################
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495 --------------------------------------------------
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496 THE DEADLY HONEYMOON
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497
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498 It was the day after the wedding, and the happy couple had not yet emerged from the bridal chamber.
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499 The wedding celebration had gone long into the night, so the bride and groom were not really expected to be stirring until
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500 afternoon.
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501 I'm not sure what it was that aroused the suspicion of friends. I do not know why, but after a while they grew concerned,
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502 went to the door of the bridal chamber, and began shouting the groom's name.
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503 No answer.
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504 They shouted again. Again, silence.
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505 So the groom's comrades broke down the door. And once inside, they beheld a gruesome sight.
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506 The lovely young bride was kneeling at the bedside, weeping bitterly.
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507 The groom lay on the bed.
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508 Dead.
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509 The groom had died on his own wedding night. Murder?
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510 Let's consider the evidence.
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511 The bride, an exceptionally pretty German girl, was not the groom's first wife. According to her, she had awakened to
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512 discover the husband was dead.
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513 He had had a great deal to drink the night before.
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514 That was all she knew.
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515 Indeed, there were no marks on the groom's body, no apparent wounds that might have lead to his death.
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516 Obviously, the greiving bride was telling the truth. Anyway, she had no motive to kill her husband.
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517 But if she did not kill him, what did?
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518 And then someone remembered---the nosebleeds.
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519 The groom had suffered from chronic epistaxis, repeated hemmorhaging of the nasal capillaries.
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520 A brief examination told THE REST OF THE STORY.
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521 The groom had fallen into a drunken stupor and then a deep sleep.
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522 He was flat on his back when his nose began to bleed.
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523 Within minutes he had suffocated, drowned in his own blood.
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524 Case closed.
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525 History offers other versions of the incident you have just relived, even invents conceivable motives for the bride to have
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|
526 stabbed her groom in the night. Those other versions, however, are based on rumors which arose later.
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527 It would be of no interest today, more than fifteen hundred years after the fact, except for the groom's impact on his own
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528 era.
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529 He had a great many enemies. So it was not unreasonable initially to suspect his young bride Ildico of murder.
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530 Yet as far as we know, the groom's demise occurred just as you've learned: too much booze and a nosebleed.
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531 Odd end for a man once called "the Scourge of God," whose name struck terror throughout the Western world.
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532 Having survived a lifetime of brutal battles, he was at last done in by his own honeymoon.
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533 The reputedly "indestructible" Attila the Hun partied himself to death!
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534
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535 by Paul Aurandt
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536 ------------------------------------------------------------ P. V. Jeltz -------
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537
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538 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
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539
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540 Stepping through the wall, I find that the world about me is strange,
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541 unfocused, as though I were viewing it through the lens of a poorly made
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542 camera. And the colours seem so much duller than I remember, but perhaps
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543 they are only dull by comparison to where I was. However it may be, while
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544 I have enjoyed my stay, I wish greatly to return to the world I have known
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545 and my friends there.
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546
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547 Why does everything look so....... unusual? I should know this
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548 section of the forest well, for I have spent many days here, and some
|
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549 nights as well. Though some of the shapes are familiar, they are stark and
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550 unfriendly, and they cause a thrill of fear to penetrate to the core of my
|
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551 being. Where is my home? Where is the road? Perhaps I should return to
|
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552 where I have been. It was warm and safe, and the companionship was good,
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553 though my feet hurt from so much dancing and my throat is tender from song.
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554 Shrinking back beside the faerie hawthorn, I wrap my cloak even more
|
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555 tightly against myself, in the hopes that it will help to still the
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556 trembling that is only partly caused by the cold.
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557
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558 Almost overpowered by my fear of what I should find so familiar, I
|
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559 prepare to once again begin the process that will take me away when I
|
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560 sense...... what is it that I sense?...... the marker that I left behind
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561 that I could focus upon! It gives me an anchor, a branch to grab as I
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562 slide down the precipice of fear. I know where it is, and it allows me to
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563 align my senses with the world, just a bit. I stop, gain back some of my
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564 composure, and rise from the ground beneath the hawthorn. Though I may
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565 have a hard time traveling, though the road before me is strange where it
|
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566 should be familiar, the anchor of the Rowan steadies me and gives me a
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567 compass from which I can find my way.
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568
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569
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571 The journey still before me is long, but I have passed my greatest
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572 test. The dangers that the forest may hold can only affect my physical
|
|
573 being, not my spirit or my will, and I now know that I have conquered the
|
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574 greatest enemy of my return. My own fears.
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575
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576 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]PAM.[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
|
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577
|
|
578
|
|
579 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
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580 PAM: I DELIGHT AT YOUR RETURN! PLEASE DO NOT GO AWAY AGAIN WITHOUT SOME
|
|
581 EXPLAINATION. YOU GAVE ENOUGH PEOPLE A SCARE LAST TIME.
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582 JONATHAN CAHNCE
|
|
583 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
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584
|
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585 ***************************************************************
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586 VALENTINES DAY IS APROACHING FAST, SO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
|
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587 FOR THAT SPECIAL PERSON TO LET THEM KNOW YOU CARE?
|
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588 ***************************************************************
|
|
589 AS LUKE SKYWALKER SAID, "I CARE!"
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590
|
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591 ?????????????????????????oh hell with it!
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592 Pam,care to argue somthing??
|
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593 Jonathan Chance,as Ham Salad said "relax kid,it's only a movie"
|
|
594 ????????????????????????its late people and my auto-repete failed so...
|
|
595 The Man in Gray
|
|
596 ????????????????????????
|
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597 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
|
|
598 WELL I SEE THINGS ARE QUITE FULL ON THE NEW DISC, SO I HAD TO RETREAT
|
|
599 TO THE TAIL END OF THIS. AND WHAT'S MORE, THERE AIN'T A WHOLE LOT OF
|
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600 ROOM HERE EITHER..........BY THE WAY DOM, I THINK THAT YOU WILL FIND
|
|
601 RELIGION IN GENERAL MORE POPULAR IN JAPAN, PERHAPS EVEN A LITTLE MORE
|
|
602 SUPERSTITIOUS THAN HERE. I DO NOT ADVOCATE THE ADULTERATED TYPE OF
|
|
603 CHRISTIANITY THAT HAS BECOME POPULAR DURING THE LAST 700 YEARS, BUT I
|
|
604 DO FEEL THE BIBLE IS A VALID BOOK. I'VE MADE THIS POINT BEFORE, BUT
|
|
605 FOR YOUR BENEFIT I'LL REPEAT IT. YOU CAN'T BLAME THE BOOK FOR WHAT
|
|
606 PEOPLE HAVE DONE WITH IT ANYMORE THAN YOU CAN BLAME THE KNIFE MAN-
|
|
607 UFACTURER WHEN IT FALLS INTO THE HANDS OF A MURDERER.
|
|
608 WISH YOU WERE NOT LEAVING, YOUR ESSAYS ARE THOUGHT PROVOKING.
|
|
609 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?DEBORAH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
|
|
|
|
> |