466 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
466 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
From: glazier@isr.harvard.edu (Andrew Baker Glazier)
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Date: 22 Jan 93 21:13:39 GMT
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Newsgroups: alt.quotations
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Subject: Norm (Cheers) Quotes List
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\LISTS\NORMISMS
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Here is a list I came across a while back. Enjoy the timeless
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wisdom of Norm.
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The Normisms file, Version 1.3.
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Maintained by rjc@math.princeton.edu (Raymond Chen). Please
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do not distributed modified versions of this file. This
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header may not be deleted.
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In chronological order:
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The Coach's Daughter:
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Norm: Gentlemen, start your taps.
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Any Friend of Diane's:
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Coach: How's life treating you, Norm?
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Norm: Like it caught me in bed with his wife.
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Friends, Romans, and Accountants:
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Coach: How's life, Norm?
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Norm: Not for the squeamish, Coach.
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Truce or Consequences:
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Coach: How's it going, Norm?
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Norm: Daddy's rich and Momma's good lookin'.
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Coach Returns to Action:
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Sam: What's up, Norm?
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Norm: My nipples. It's freezing out there.
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Endless Slumper:
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Coach: What's the story, Norm?
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Norm: Thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it.
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The Spy Who Came in for a Cold One:
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Sam: What's new, Norm?
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Norm: Most of my wife.
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Now Pitching, Sam Malone
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Coach: Beer, Norm?
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Norm: Naah, I'd probably just drink it.
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Let Me Count the Ways:
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Coach: What's doing, Norm?
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Norm: Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen
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to be the guinea pig.
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No Help Wanted:
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Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
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Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.
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Coach: How about a beer, Norm?
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Norm: Hey I'm high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my
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life.
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Fortune and Men's Weights:
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Coach: How's a beer sound, Norm?
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Norm: I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word
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in.
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Coach: What's up, Norm?
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Norm: Corners of my mouth, Coach.
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Snow Job:
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Coach: What's shaking, Norm?
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Norm: All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach.
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Coach: Beer, Normie?
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Norm: Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week.
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Eh, why not, I'm still young.
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Norman's Conquest:
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[Norm comes in with an attractive woman.]
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Coach: Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
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Norm: With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe.
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I'll Be Seeing You (Part 2):
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Coach: What's up, Normie?
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Norm: The temperature under my collar, Coach.
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Diane Meets Mom:
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Coach: What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?
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Norm: Going down?
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[Norm returns from the hospital.]
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Coach: What's up, Norm?
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Norm: Everything that's supposed to be.
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Peterson Crusoe:
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[Norm comes in, depressed. He just stands by the door with a
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sullen face.]
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Norm: [mutters] Afternoon, everybody.
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All: Norm? (Norman?)
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The Heart is a Lonely Snipehunter:
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Sam: What's new, Normie?
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Norm: Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach.
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They're demanding beer.
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King of the Hill:
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Coach: What'll it be, Normie?
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Norm: Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and
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a snorkel.
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The Mail Goes to Jail:
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Coach: What would you say to a beer, Normie?
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Norm: Daddy wuvs you.
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Behind Every Great Man:
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Sam: What'd you like, Normie?
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Norm: A reason to live. Gimme another beer.
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Norm: Afternoon, everybody.
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All: Norm!
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Cliff: Afternoon, everybody.
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All: [silence]
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The Executive's Executioner:
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Sam: What will you have, Norm?
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Norm: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass
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of whatever comes out of that tap.
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Sam: Oh, looks like beer, Norm.
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Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.
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Birth, Death, Love and Rice:
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Sam: What do you say, Norm?
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Norm: Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer.
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Woody Goes Belly Up:
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Sam: What do you say to a beer, Normie?
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Norm: Hiya, sailor. New in town?
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Diane's Nightmare:
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Norm: [coming in from the rain] Evening, everybody.
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All: Norm! (Norman.)
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Sam: Still pouring, Norm?
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Norm: That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.
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I'll Gladly Pay You Tuesday:
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Sam: What's the good word, Norm?
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Norm: Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
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Sam: Oh no, not the Hungry Heifer...
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Norm: Yeah, yeah, yeah...
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Sam: One heartburn cocktail coming up.
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Love Thy Neighbor:
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Sam: Whaddya say, Norm?
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Norm: Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it
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goes.
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From Beer to Eternity:
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[Norm goes into the bar at Vic's Bowl-A-Rama]
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Off-screen crowd: Norm!
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Sam: How the hell do they know him here?
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Cliff: He's got a life, you know.
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The Bar Stoolie:
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Woody: What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a
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beer.
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The Triangle:
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Woody: What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: Elope with my wife.
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[Norm is angry.]
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Woody: What can I get you, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: Clifford Clavin's head.
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Take My Shirt... Please?
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Woody: How's life, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: Oh, I'm waiting for the movie.
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The Peterson Principle:
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Sam: Hey, what's happening, Norm?
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Norm: Well, it's a dog-eat-dog world, Sammy,
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and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.
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Diane Chambers Day:
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Sam: How's life in the fast lane, Normie?
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Norm: Beats me, I can't find the on-ramp.
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Strange Bedfellows, Part 1:
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Woody: What's happening, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: The question is, Woody, why is it happening to me?
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Strange Bedfellows, Part 2:
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Woody: What's going down, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: My cheeks on this barstool.
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Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, can I pour you a beer?
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Norm: Well, okay, Woody, but be sure to stop me at one. ...
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Eh, make that one-thirty.
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Strange Bedfellows, Part 3:
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Woody: How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: Poor.
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Woody: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
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Norm: No, I meant `pour'.
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The Proposal:
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Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's the story?
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Norm: Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy gets another
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beer.
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Tan 'n Wash:
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Paul: Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?
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Norm: Like a baby treats a diaper.
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Norm: Hey, everybody.
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All: [silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich]
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Norm: [carries on both sides of the conversation himself]
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Norm! (Norman.)
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How are you feeling today, Norm?
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Rich and thirsty. Pour me a beer.
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Knights of the Scimitar:
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Woody: What's the latest, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: Zha-Zha marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer.
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Film at eleven.
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Chambers vs. Malone:
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Woody: How are you today, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: Never been better, Woody. ... Just once I'd like to be
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better.
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Norm's Last Hurrah:
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Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one?
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Norm: See you later, Vera, I'll be at Cheers.
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Sam: Well, look at you. You look like the cat that
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swallowed the canary.
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Norm: And I need a beer to wash him down.
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Home is the Sailor: [the bar is completely different, since Sam
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went sailing around the world and sold the bar]
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Norm: Afternoon, everybody.
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Woody: Norm! [nobody else in the bar says anything]
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Norm: That was it, Woody. Last chance. I'm out of here.
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Norm: [comes in, pretending to be Joe Average customer,
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as part of operation Wayne Down the Dwain]
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This looks like a nice, friendly tavern. What the
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heck, I think I'll give it a chance.
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Customer: Norm!
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Norm: Not now, you idiot!
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Little Carla, Happy at Last, Part 2:
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Woody: Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass.
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Paint Your Office:
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Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: Let's talk about what's going <in> Mr. Peterson. A
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beer, Woody.
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A Kiss is Still a Kiss:
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Sam: How's life treating you?
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Norm: It's not, Sammy, but that doesn't mean you can't.
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Let Sleeping Drakes Lie:
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Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: A little early, isn't it Woody?
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Woody: For a beer?
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Norm: No, for stupid questions.
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Airport V:
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Woody: What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery.
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Let's just cut to the happy ending.
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One Happy Chappy in a Snappy Serape, Part 2:
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Pepe: [something in Spanish]
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Bar Wars II: The Woodman Strikes Back:
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Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for
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you.
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Norm: I know, and if she calls, I'm not here.
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Don't Paint Your Chickens:
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Sam: Beer, Norm?
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Norm: Have I gotten that predictable? Good.
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Call Me, Irresponsible:
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Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: A flashing sign in my gut that says, ``Insert beer
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here.''
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The Two Faces of Norm:
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[Norm tries to prove that he is not Anton Kreitzer.]
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Norm: Afternoon, everybody!
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All: Anton!
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Two Girls for Every Boyd:
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Sam: What can I get you, Norm?
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Norm: [scratching his beard] Got any flea powder?
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Ah, just kidding. Gimme a beer; I think I'll just
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drown the little suckers.
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Feeble Attraction:
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Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?
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Norm: Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?
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Bar Wars III: The Return of Tecumseh:
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Sam: What are you up to Norm?
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Norm: My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.
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Loverboyd:
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Woody: Nice cold beer coming up, Mr. Peterson.
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Norm: You mean, `Nice cold beer going <down> Mr. Peterson.'
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Sam: What do you know there, Norm?
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Norm: How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?
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Sam: Hey, how's life treating you there, Norm?
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Norm: Beats me. ... Then it kicks me and leaves me for dead.
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Woody: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: Pretty nervous if I was in the room.
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Breaking In Is Hard to Do:
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Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?
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Norm: The warranty on my liver.
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[Norm returns from another trip to plug the parking meter]
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Sam: What'll you have this time, Norm?
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Norm: A cow if I have to climb those stairs one more time.
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[The Cranes are concerned that Frederick has yet to say his
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first word.]
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Norm: Afternoon, everybody.
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Frederick: Norm!
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Lilith: He said Mommy!
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Bad Neighbor Sam:
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[The bar clientele has turned yuppie.]
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Bradley: Ciao, gang!
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All: Bradley!
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Veggie-Boyd:
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Sam: What can I do for you, Norm?
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Norm: Open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, Sam.
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It's a Wonderful Wife:
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Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
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Norm: Another layer for the winter, Wood.
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The Norm Who Came to Dinner:
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Sam: [answers the phone] Cheers! ... [to gang] Hey guys,
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it's Norm.
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[holds up the receiver]
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All: Norm!
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Sam: [to phone] Hey, what's shakin' man? [chuckles]
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[to gang] Where does he come up with these things?
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Where Have All the Floorboards Gone:
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Sam: What's going on, Normie?
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Norm: My birthday, Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in
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it, and I'll blow out my liver.
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Head Over Hill:
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Woody: Hey, Mr. P. How goes the search for Mr. Clavin?
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Norm: Not as well as the search for Mr. Donut.
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Found him every couple of blocks.
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---
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Not yet categorized:
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"How about a beer, Norm?"
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"That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things
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about it!"
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--
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"A horse! A horse! Somebody give me a horse, man, because|glazier@
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I come to bury this dirtball, not to praise him. Whaddya |harvard.isr.edu
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think I am? Whether it's nobler for the mind to make people suffer with all
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these totally outrageous arrows arrows for a fortune, or what!" -- D.R.
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