2057 lines
78 KiB
Plaintext
2057 lines
78 KiB
Plaintext
/*
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* This copy was obtained (rather indirectly) from the Dartmouth College
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* Computing Center. Rumour has it that it was typed in from the movie
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* but, as it occured some while ago, no one is really sure of its origins.
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* I'm afraid this copy is a little bit damaged. Feel free to fix it up,
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* just be careful not to mung it. Or you can send mail to DRW, and I'll
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* patch it up.
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*/
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@ Further modifications made by Sean Rouse... by no means is this complete
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@ more lines need to be added.
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LATEST REVISION DETAILS:
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This copy is was edited and all that neat stuff by Rodney Horror. The lines
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here are ones used at Raleigh NC's Rialto theatre. These are NOT all of the
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lines!! They are just some of the more popular. You will notice that in
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Toucha-Toucha-Touch Me and Eddie's Teddy that the "Echos" were left out
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because they change so often. Well, enjoy!! Hope to see you at the late
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night, double featue, picture show!!!
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The Rocky Horror Picture Show
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=============================
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[ Props: (in some sort of order)
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Rice
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Newspaper (pref. Plain Dealer)
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Water (squirt gun, water bottle or whatever)
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Matches, Lighter or other light source (flashlight)
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Rubber Gloves (opt)
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Noisemaker (kazoo, etc...)
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Confetti (torn newpapers will suffice)
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Toilet Paper (pref. Scott)
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Toast
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Party Hat
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Bell
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Cards
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General Information:
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Audience instructions are in square brackets. Text in quotes
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is to be shouted. The instruction 'Echo' indicates that the
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following line is to be shouted in unison with the film.
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Whenever Brad appears, or is introduced in some way
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the line "Asshole!" is appropriate.
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When Janet is introduced or appears, the line "Slut!" is
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appropriate, or you prefer...
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the line "Nice" (Nissss)is appropriate to Janet. Whenever
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Narrator (Charles Gray) appears, the following lines and
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variants are appropriate: "Where's your fucking neck!";
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"Bo-ring!" When Dr. Scott appears, "It's R2D2 in
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Drag" or "It's Mary Poppins taking a shit" are
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appropriate.
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Before the movie starts, yet after the pre-show, it is
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customary to yell "4,3,2,1 Start the fucking movie!! 1,2,3,4
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forget the movie start the fucking!!"
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SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE
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[as Fox logo appears, yell "A long, long time ago, in
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a galaxy far far away, God said, "Let there be lips, and there were
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and they were good. Sing it lips!']
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Usherette(lips): Michael Rennie was ill
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The Day the Earth Stood Still ["he was dead!]
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But he told us where we stand. ["On our feet" while standing]
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And Flash Gordon was there
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In silver underwear, ["it was gold!"]
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Claude Rains was the Invisible Man. ["I saw him!"]
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Then something went wrong
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For Fay Wray and King Kong;
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They got caught in a ["sexual jam"]["69"]
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Then at a deadly pace
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It Came From... ["where?"] Outer Space.
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And this is how the message ran:
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["Freeze lips!"]
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Chorus: Science fiction, double feature
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Doctor X ["Sex Sex Sex Sex"] will build a creature.
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See androids fighting ["and fucking and sucking who"] Brad and Janet
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Anne Francis stars in ["Deep Throat I, just for fun!]
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Forbidden Planet
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Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
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At the late night,["what kind of feature?"] double feature,
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["what kinda show?"] picture show.
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["Sing it lips!"]
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Usherette(lips): I knew Leo G. Carrol
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Was over a barrel [echo "Was fucking in a barrel!"]
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When Tarantula took to the hills. ["Lick it!"]
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And I really got hot
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When I saw Jeanette Scott [echo "When I saw Janet's twat"]
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Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills.[echo "Fight a penis
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that spits semen and thrills!"]
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["What the fuck is a Triffid"]
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Dana Andrews said Prunes ["did what?"]
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Gave him the runes [echo "Gave him the shits"]
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And passing them used ["Ex-Lax Pills"]["Yay Ex-Lax"]
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But When Worlds Collide, [clap hands, hit seat, or "boom!"]
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Said George Powell to his bride,
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"I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills," [echo "Sexual Thrills"]
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Like a...
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["Sex-ray!"]
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["You call THAT a sexual thrill???"]
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Chorus: Science fiction, double feature
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Doctor X ["Sex sex sex sex"] will build a creature.
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See androids fighting ["and fucking and sucking who"] Brad and Janet
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Anne Francis stars in ["Deep Throat 2 this time she swallows!"]
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Forbidden Planet
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Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
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At the late night,["what kind of feature?"] double feature,
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["what kind of show?"] picture show.
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I wanna go ["I thought you wanted to come"]
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Oh Oh Oh
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To the late night ["what kind of feature?"] double feature
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["what kind of show?"] picture show,
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By RKO, ["FUCK RKO"]
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Oh Oh Oh
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To the late night ["what kind of feature?"] double feature
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["What kind of show?"] picture show,
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["Where's the best place to fuck???"]
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In the back row,
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[front row: "Fuck the back row!"]
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[back row: "Fuck the front row!"]
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[all rows: "Fuck in the third row!!!"]
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Oh Oh Oh
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To the late night,["what kind of feature?"] double feature,
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["What kind of show?"] picture show!
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As cross fades in ["Who came on the cross?"]
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Dentonian: Here they come! (Dentonians cheer and throw rice) [throw RICE]
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Photographer: Let's get a picture. Close together now. The parents and
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then the grandparents. Yes, all the close family. Ahhh,
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hold that. Beautiful. And... (snap)
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Ralph: I guess we really did it, huh. ["Hit him, Hit him back"]
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Brad: I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Betty have
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been almost inseparable since you met in Dr. Scott's refresher
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class.
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Ralph: Well to tell you the truth, Brad, that's the only reason I
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showed up in the first place. (chuckles)
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Betty: O.K. you guys, this is it. (everyone screams)
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Ralph: Well Betty's going to throw the bouquet. [throw BOUQUET]
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Janet: ["Hey Janet, do you have Woodworms?" or any venereal disease]
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I got it! I got it!
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Ralph: Hey big fella, ["How would you know?"] looks like it could be your
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turn next, eh?
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Brad: Who knows. ["We do!"]
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Ralph: Well, so long, see you Brad. ["See ya sucker!"]
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Guess we better get get going now Betty. Come on, hop in.
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(they drive away) ["Think about it asshole! Masturbate your chin!"]
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["Be just and fear not, be stoned and fear nothing, drop acid and
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fear EVERYTHING!!" when sign appears]
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Janet: Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful? ["No!"]
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Wasn't Betty radiantly beautiful? ["No!"]
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I can't believe it. An hour ago she was just plain old Betty Monroe
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and now...["Now she's just plain old!"] now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapshatt.
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["Half-shit! (will travel)"]
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Brad: Yes Janet, Ralph is a lucky guy.
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["No he's not, she got woodworms!"]
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Janet: Yes.
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Dentonian: I always cry at weddings.
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["and laugh at funerals"]
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Brad: Everyone knows that Betty is a wonderful little cook.
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["So's Betty Crocker, but I wouldn't wanna fuck her!!"]
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Janet: Yes.
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Brad: Why Ralph himself, he'll be up for a promotion in a year or two.
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["If he doesn't get busted!"]
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[when Denton sign is in view... "What's a billboard doing in a
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cemetary? Advertising! No, it's Andy Warhol's tombstone!"]
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Janet: Yes.
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DAMMIT JANET
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["Brad, what do you say when you want to fuck"]
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Brad: Hey Janet.
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["Sit on my face and wiggle, sit on my cock and jiggle, bounce up
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and down and giggle!! Sit on my porch and widdle!"]
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Janet: Yes Brad?
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Brad: I've got something to say.
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["Sing it asshole, it's a musical"]
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Janet: Uh huh.
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Brad: I really love the... ["Starts with an S...sk,sk,sk,sk,sk,sk,sk"]
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skillful way ["you give head"]... you beat
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the other girls... ["With whips and chains?"]
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to the bride's bouquet. ["that too"]
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Janet: Oh Brad.
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[audience echoes 'Janet's, 'Oh Brad's, 'Dammit, Janet's]
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[echo Dammit Janet! I wanna screw" over Dammit Janet...
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repeat whenever necessary]
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Brad: The river was deep but I swam it.[ECHO:"The pussy was deep, but I
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rammed it!"] (Janet)
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The future is ours so let's plan it. (Janet)
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So please, don't tell me to can it. (Janet)
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I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you.
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The road was long but I ran it. (Janet)
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There's a fire in my heart and you fan it. (Janet)
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[ECHO: "There's a fire in my pants and you fan it"]
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If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Janet)
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I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you.
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Here's a ring to prove that I'm ["a sucker"].
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There's three ways that love can grow. ["sex, drugs, rock & roll"]
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That's good, bad, or mediocre.[ECHO: "oral, anal, or vaginal"]
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Oh, J-A-N-E-T I love you so.
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["Hey, Janet, Describe your new dildo."]
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Janet: Oh, it's nicer than Betty Monroe had. (Oh Brad)
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Now we're engaged and I'm so glad (Oh Brad)
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That you met Mom and you know Dad. (Oh Brad)
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[ECHO: "That you fuck mom and you blow dad."]
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I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad, for you too.
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[echo "you fag, fuck you too!" over "I'm mad, for you too."]
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Oh Brad...
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["What did you have for breakfast?"]
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Brad: Oh... dammit.
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[echo "Aw shit" over "Oh... dammit"]
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Janet: I'm mad...
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["What does Janet's cunt smell like?"]
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Brad: Oh, Janet.
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[echo "Aw shit" over "Oh, Janet"]
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Janet: For you. [ECHO: "FUCK YOU!"]
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Brad: I love you too. [ECHO: "I want to screw."]
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Brad & Janet: There's one thing left to do ["ach-ooo"]
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Brad: And that's go see the man who began it. (Janet)
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When we met in his science exam - it (Janet)
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Made me give you the eye and then panic. (Janet)
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[ECHO: "Made me piss in my pants and then fan it"]
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Now I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet, I love you.
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Dammit, Janet.
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Janet: Oh Brad, I'm mad. [echo "You fag" over "I'm mad"]
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Brad: Dammit, Janet.
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Brad & Janet: I love you. [echo "I wanna screw"]
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["Remember these faces. The man you are about to see has NO
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FUCKING NECK. Where's your fucking neck? In his other fucking
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suit!"]
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Narrator: I would like, ["You would, would you?"]
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ah, if I may, ["You may not!"] ...to take you ["where?"] on a
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strange journey. ["How strange was it? So strange they made a
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movie out of it. Not the book the movie! And this pervert took
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pictures! And you're in 'em!"]
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It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad Majors ["asshole"]
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his fiancee Janet Weiss ["slut"], two young, normal, healthy kids,
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left Denton that late November evening, to visit a Dr. Everett Scott, ex-tutor,
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now friend to both of them.
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["Is it true that you know about anal sex with porcupines?"]
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It's true there were dark storm clouds.
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["Describe Oprah Winfrey!"]
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heavy, black, and pendulous, towards which they were driving.
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["It it also true that you masturbated with Pee Wee Herman?"]
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It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying
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was badly in need of some air,["So's your fucking neck!"]
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but, uh, they being normal kids, on a night out ["it was a night
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in!"] [Begin yelling "Fuck that chin!" until chin has been fucked]
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well, they weren't going to let a storm spoil the rest
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their evening, were they?...On a night out... it was a night out
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they were going to remember... ["How long?"] for a very long time.
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[move hands as if they were windshield wipers]
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[echo stuff to Nixon speech....]
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["How many motorcylces has that been Janet (Slut)?"]
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Janet: Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us.
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["The slut can't count. It's the first!"]
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They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the
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weather and all.
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Brad: Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type. ["Yay that type"]
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Janet: Oh. ...What's the matter, Brad darling?
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["Make a sound like a cow"]
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Brad: Hmmmm...We must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back. ["Wrong
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spatchula!"]
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Janet: Oh, but where did those motorcycles come from?
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[Imitate Twilight Zone theme.]
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Brad: Hmmm... well I guess we'll just have to turn back.
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[Repeat "Grab that tit!" until tit is grabbed] <BOOM!!!>
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Janet: Oh! What was that bang? ["A gang bang!"]
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Brad: We must have a blowout. ["Kill that New Kid!"] DAMMIT! [clap hands]
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I knew I should have
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gotten that spare tire fixed. ["Asshole!"] Well, you just stay here
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keep warm and I'll go for help.
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Janet: But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?
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Brad: [chant "castle!"] ...Didn't we pass a castle back down the road
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a few miles? [Cheer] Maybe they have a telephone we could use.
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["Castles don't have telephones, asshole!" repeat when appropriate]
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Janet: I'm going with you.
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Brad: Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet.
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["She's allready wet!"]
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Janet: I'm coming with you! ["That'll be a first!"]
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Besides darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman,
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["He is!"] and you might never come back again.
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Brad: Heh, heh, heh, heh.
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[they get out of the car "Kick it!". NEWSPAPERS over heads, squirt
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the virgins sitting in front of you "Hey, Janet, walk like you've
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got a guiding star up your ass!"]
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OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE
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["Where do you masturbate?"]
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Janet: In the velvet darkness,
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Of the blackest night,
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Burning bright, ["What's up your ass?"] there's a guiding star.
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No matter what or who you are.
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Brad & Janet: There's a light... [light MATCHES on 'light']
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Chorus: Over at the Frankenstein place.
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Brad & Janet: There's a light...
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["Where's Santa Claus?"]
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Chorus: Burning in the fireplace...
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[MATCHES out on 'darkness' - "Darkness!" if any lights still on]
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Brad & Janet: There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life.
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["Sing to us oh, hairless one!"]
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Riff Raff: The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming.
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Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming
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Into my life. Into my life...
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Brad & Janet: There's a light... [MATCHES again]
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Chorus: Over at the Frankenstein place.
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Brad & Janet: There's a light...
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["Where's Santa Claus?"]
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Chorus: Burning in the fireplace.
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There's a light, a light
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Brad & Janet: [off at 'Darkness'] ...in the darkness of everybody's life.
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["and Betsy Ross used to sit at home and sew and sew..."]
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} (in the stage version right after the first chorus Brad has this extra verse:
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}
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}Brad: I can see the flag fly
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} I can see the rain
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} Just the same, there has got to be
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} Something better here for you and me.
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}
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} (repeat chorus))
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Narrator: And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet
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["unlike your neck"] and
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that they had found the assistance that their plight required.
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["Are you sure?"] ...Or had they?
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Janet: Brad, let's go back, I'm cold and frightened...
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Brad: Just a moment Janet, they might have a phone.
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["ding dong, asshole calling, slut for sale, rent to own"]
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(doorbell rings, door creaks open)
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["Hey, Riff, what do you call Satanic Gelatin?"]
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Riff Raff: Hello.
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["Brad, are you horny or high?"]
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Brad: Hi! My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss.
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I wonder if you could help us. You see, our car broke down
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a few miles up the road... do you have a phone we might use?
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["Look between Janet's legs" or "Castles don't have phones
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asshole"]
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Riff Raff: You're wet.
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["Janet, are you a slut?"]
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Janet: Yes ["why?"] it's raining.
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["Are you an asshole, Brad?"]
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Brad: Yes.
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["Riff, are you stoned?"]
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Riff Raff: Yes... I think perhaps you better both ["Get Lost"] come inside.
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["I don't care where you come as long as you clean it up."]
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Janet: You're too kind. ["You're too fucking stupid bitch!"]
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Oh Brad, I'm frightened. What kind of a place is this?
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Brad: Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.
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["Rich weirdos are out of season!"]
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Janet: Oh (forlornly)
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Riff Raff: ["Which way (do you fuck your sister)?"] This way.
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["Follow the bouncing thumb"]
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Janet: Are you having a party?
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["No, it's my sister's bah mitzvah."]
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Riff Raff: You've arrived on a very special night.["why?"] It's one of the
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master's affairs. ["Which one? The infectuous one!"]
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Janet: Oh lucky him.
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Magenta: You're lucky, He's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha ha ha
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["The banister's lucky! No it's not, she's got woodworms!"]
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(- seven dongs -) [don't ask -ed.]
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THE TIME WARP
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[if you aren't at the stage by now, run to the stage and
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start beating on it!]
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Riff Raff: It's astounding;
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Time is fleeting; ["What runs in your family?"]
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Madness takes its toll.
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But listen closely...
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["For how long?"]
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Magenta: Not for very much longer.
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["How many balls have you got?"]
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Riff Raff: I've got to keep control.
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I remember doing the time-warp ["Kick! Kick!"]
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Drinking those moments when
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The darkness would hit me
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Riff & Magenta: And a void would be calling...
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|
[get up and time warp!]
|
|
|
|
Transylvanians: Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
|
|
["How's it done?"]
|
|
[Here are the instructions: DO IT!]
|
|
|
|
Narrator: It's just a jump to the left.
|
|
|
|
All: And then a step to the right.
|
|
|
|
Narrator: With your hands on your hips. [echo "tits" over "hips"]
|
|
|
|
All: You bring your knees in tight.
|
|
But it's the pelvic thrust ["group sex" with each thrust]
|
|
That really drives you insane.
|
|
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
|
|
[BEAT ON THE STAGE!!!]
|
|
|
|
Magenta: It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.
|
|
So you can't see me, no, not at all.
|
|
In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention,
|
|
Well secluded, I see all.
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: With a bit of a mind flip
|
|
|
|
Magenta: You're into the time slip. ["Fuck that bird!"]
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: And nothing can ever be the same.
|
|
|
|
Magenta: You're spaced out on sensation.
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Like you're under sedation.
|
|
|
|
[up again!]
|
|
|
|
All: Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
|
|
[BEAT ON STAGE WITH ABSOLUTELY NO RYTHM!!!]
|
|
|
|
Columbia: Well I was walking down the street just having a think
|
|
When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.
|
|
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
|
|
He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes.
|
|
He stared at me and I felt a change.
|
|
Time meant nothing, never would again.
|
|
|
|
[up again!]
|
|
|
|
All: Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
|
|
Narrator: It's just a jump to the left.
|
|
|
|
All: And then a step to the right.
|
|
|
|
Narrator: With your hands on your hips.
|
|
|
|
All: You bring your knees in tight.
|
|
But it's the pelvic thrust
|
|
That really drives you insane.
|
|
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
|
|
[BEAT ON STAGE WITH EVEN LESS RHYTHM!!!]
|
|
(Columbia tap-dances ["2,4,6,8, everybody masturbate, 2,4,6,8,
|
|
everybody fornicate, 2,4,6,8, everyone ejaculate, 2,4,6,8,10,12,
|
|
fuck it. Eat your self out Anne Miller!"])
|
|
All: Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
|
|
Narrator: It's just a jump to the left.
|
|
[ECHO: "Get the fuck off the desk!"]
|
|
|
|
All: And then a step to the right.
|
|
|
|
Narrator: With your hands on your hips.
|
|
|
|
All: You bring your knees in tight.
|
|
But it's the pelvic thrust
|
|
that really drives you insane.
|
|
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
Let's do the time-warp again.
|
|
|
|
[collapse out of exhaustion!]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Brad, say something. (whispered)
|
|
[echo "Say something stupid"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison?
|
|
|
|
["I do the <insert stupid dance name here> myself!"]
|
|
Janet: Brad, please, let's get out of here.
|
|
|
|
Brad: For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Janet.
|
|
|
|
(music cue softly at first, crescendo up) ["Drugs" or "Sex" in time
|
|
with Frank's foot.]
|
|
|
|
Janet: But it... it seems so unhealthy here.
|
|
|
|
Brad: It's just a party, Janet.
|
|
|
|
Janet: Well - I want to go.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone.
|
|
|
|
Janet: Well then ask the butler or someone.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Just a moment, Janet - we don't want to interfere
|
|
with their celebration.
|
|
|
|
Janet: This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad.
|
|
|
|
Brad: They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own.
|
|
They may do some more folk dancing.
|
|
|
|
Janet: Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared.
|
|
|
|
Brad: I'm here - there's nothing to worry about
|
|
|
|
[Scream!]
|
|
|
|
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
|
|
|
|
Frank: How do you do, I
|
|
See you've met my
|
|
Faithful handyman.
|
|
|
|
He's just a little brought down
|
|
Because when you knocked
|
|
He thought you were the candyman.
|
|
|
|
Don't get strung out by the way I look.
|
|
Don't judge a book by its cover.
|
|
I'm not much of a man ["Or a woman"] by the light of day
|
|
But by night I'm one hell of a lover.
|
|
|
|
[cheer, scream, bow down in praise, etc...]
|
|
|
|
I'm just a sweet transvestite
|
|
From Transexual, Transylvania.
|
|
|
|
Let me show you around
|
|
Maybe play you a sound.
|
|
You look like you're both pretty groovy. ["BULLSHIT!"]
|
|
Or if you want something visual ["Like a movie?"]
|
|
That's not too abysmal, ["Like a movie?"]
|
|
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie. ["Who the fuck is Steve
|
|
Reeves?"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: I'm glad we caught you at home,
|
|
Could we use your phone?
|
|
We're both in a bit of a hurry.
|
|
|
|
Janet: [echo 'Left'] Right.
|
|
|
|
Brad: We'll just say where we are,
|
|
Then go back into the car. [echo "Fuck in the car!"]
|
|
We don't want to be any worry.
|
|
|
|
Frank: Well you got with a flat, well,["fuck that cat"].
|
|
Well, babies, don't you panic.
|
|
By the light of the night it'll all seem alright.
|
|
I'll get you a satanic mechanic. ["S and M!"]
|
|
|
|
I'm just a sweet transvestite
|
|
["boom shicka boom shicka boom"]
|
|
From Transexual, Transylvania.
|
|
|
|
Why don't you stay for the night?
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: [echo] Night.
|
|
|
|
Frank: Or maybe a bite?
|
|
|
|
Columbia: [echo] Bite.
|
|
|
|
Frank: I could show you my favourite obsession. ["Sex!"]
|
|
I've been making a man ["You call that a man?"]
|
|
With blond hair and a tan ["You call that a tan?"]
|
|
And he's good for relieving my... ["Sexual!"] ...tension
|
|
|
|
I'm just a sweet transvestite
|
|
["Check it out!"]
|
|
From Transexual, Transylvania.
|
|
[echo] HIT IT, HIT IT!
|
|
I'm just a sweet transvestite
|
|
|
|
Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite
|
|
|
|
Frank: From Transexual,
|
|
|
|
Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania.
|
|
|
|
Frank: So - come up to the lab,
|
|
And see [echo "Fuck"] what's on the slab.
|
|
I see you shiver with antici - ["Consta..." <4 times>] - pation.
|
|
But maybe the rain
|
|
Isn't really to blame.["I thought Sue was to blame"]
|
|
So I'll remove the cause. (chuckles) ["What about the symptom?"]
|
|
But not the symptom.
|
|
|
|
(applause) (Brad and Janet are given towels and both say thank you)
|
|
["Janet's on the rag, so is Brad" sung out]
|
|
|
|
(Columbia and Riff Raff start to undress Brad and Janet)
|
|
|
|
Janet: Oh! Brad!
|
|
|
|
Brad: It's all right Janet. We'll play along for now and pull
|
|
out the aces when the time is right. ["Show us your aces. That's
|
|
not an ace, that's a joker! No it's not, it's a joke!"]
|
|
|
|
Columbia: Slowly, slowly! It's too nice a job to rush.
|
|
|
|
["Brad, are you horny or high?"]
|
|
Brad: Hi, my name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee,
|
|
Janet Weiss; ["Brad, spell 'Europe'!"] you are...
|
|
|
|
Columbia: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory.
|
|
Some people would give their right arm for the priviledge.
|
|
["Or their left tit, or their eyebrows, or their careers!"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: People like you maybe.
|
|
|
|
Columbia: Ha! I've seen it.
|
|
|
|
(Riff Raff pours wine into a glass,["Don't drop the bottle."
|
|
<repeated until bottle is dropped> "Riff can't hold his liquor!"]
|
|
takes a swig from the bottle, and lets it drop after
|
|
Magenta says "Shift it"
|
|
Magenta: Come along - the master doesn't like to be kept waiting.
|
|
["What do you do with Frank's dick?"]
|
|
Magenta: Shift it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
(Janet screeches - the elevator goes up)
|
|
|
|
Janet: Is he, Frank I mean,Is he your husband?
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: The master is not yet married, nor do I expect he ever
|
|
shall be. We are simply his ["slaves"] servants.["same thing"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Oh.
|
|
|
|
[as elevator rises, the following things are said as each floor
|
|
approaches. "First floor, Camera cables and dildoes" "Second floor,
|
|
hall of mirrors" "Third flood, Stevie Wonder on Acid" "Fourth
|
|
floor, preppy transvestites in cheap Salvation Army clothes"]
|
|
|
|
elevator door opens
|
|
|
|
["invisible man first, sluts second, assholes third, assorted tykes
|
|
and dykes last"]
|
|
|
|
[shot pans around and shows Transylvanians "Look, it's the <enter
|
|
stupid organization name here>"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["What's your favorite color?"] Magenta,
|
|
["Where do you get your pot?"] Columbia, ["Good choice"]
|
|
go assist Riff Raff. I will entertain ...uh huh huh... (chuckles)
|
|
["The Camera! Rocky Horror 3-D! AAAAAHHH!!!"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: Brad Majors. And this is my fiancee, Janet "Vice".
|
|
["Tight as a vice and twice as nice!"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Weiss.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Weiss? um
|
|
|
|
Frank: ["Say something in French"] Enchante.
|
|
|
|
(Janet giggles)
|
|
["What's it mean?"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Well! how nice. ["that's not what it means!"] And what charming
|
|
underclothes you both have. ["THAT'S what it means!"]
|
|
But here. Put these on. ["and take yours off"]
|
|
They'll make you feel less ["naked"] vulnerable. ["same thing"]
|
|
It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer
|
|
them... hospitality. [ECHO: "Horse Brutaltity" over "Hospitality"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: Hospitality!? [echo "Horse brutality!?"]
|
|
All we asked was to use your telephone,
|
|
[start saying "It's" and repeat slowly leading up to "Superasshole"]
|
|
Goddammit, a reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore.
|
|
|
|
Janet: Brad, don't be ungrateful.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Ungrateful! [when Brad removes his glasses, "It's Superasshole!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: How forceful you are, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood.
|
|
So... ["Big"] dominant (crowd has flurry of laughs).
|
|
You must be awfully proud of him, Janet.
|
|
|
|
Janet: ["Hey, Janet, are you a slut?"] Well, yes I am. (giggles)
|
|
|
|
Frank: Do you have any tattoos, Brad?
|
|
|
|
["You can't tatoo an asshole"]
|
|
Brad: Certainly not!
|
|
|
|
Frank: Oh well, how about you. (to Janet)
|
|
|
|
["Show him the battleship, bitch!"]
|
|
Janet: No. (giggling)
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master["bater" repeat when appropriate].
|
|
We merely await your ["orgasm"] word.
|
|
|
|
(Frank spills wine on Riff) ["DAMN! I just had that hump dry
|
|
cleaned!"]
|
|
[applaud and use noisemakers when appropriate]
|
|
[snap glove or clap hands when Frank snaps his gloves]
|
|
["Hey, Frank, when's the orgy?"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Tonight, my unconventional conventionalists... you are about to
|
|
witness a new breakthrough in biochemical [echo "sexual" over
|
|
"chemical"] research... and paradise is to be mine...
|
|
It was strange the way it happened... suddenly you get a break...
|
|
whole pieces start to fit into place, not a sign of being..
|
|
what a fool! The answer was there all the time, it took a small
|
|
accident to make it happen... ["An accident?"] AN ACCIDENT
|
|
|
|
Magenta & Columbia: An accident!
|
|
|
|
Frank: And that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient,
|
|
that SPARK that is the breath of life...
|
|
["Do you know about anal sex with Jesse Helms?"]
|
|
Yes, ["Do you know about anal sex with farm animals?"]
|
|
I have that knowledge... ["What do you hold between your legs?"]
|
|
I know the secret... ["To life?"] to life... ["Itself?"] itself!
|
|
You are fortunate for tonight is the night that my beautiful
|
|
creature is destined to be BORN!
|
|
|
|
(Magenta and Columbia take hold of the cloth)
|
|
|
|
["Frank, how do you say 'fuck you' in Chinese?"]
|
|
Up now!
|
|
Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator...
|
|
and step the reactor power three more points!
|
|
[ECHO: "Three more triangles" or "trivial pursiuit pieces"]
|
|
|
|
(colorful fluids, etc. in order Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo
|
|
Violet [identify colors as "Red! ...Orange", etc. ] [ask "Is it soup yet?"
|
|
several times, and then, "Now it is!"]
|
|
|
|
(Rocky emits some gutteral garbage)
|
|
|
|
Frank: Oh! [echo] Rocky!
|
|
|
|
THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES
|
|
|
|
Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head,["swallow it!"]
|
|
And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread.
|
|
Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery.
|
|
Oh, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.
|
|
|
|
I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed.
|
|
|
|
All: That ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnameable dread.
|
|
|
|
All: That ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: My high is low, I'm dressed up with no place to go.
|
|
And all I know is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Oh ho no no
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Oh ho no no
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Oh ho no no
|
|
|
|
Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.
|
|
|
|
All: That ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Frank: Well really.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: And I've got the feeling someone's going to be cutting the thread.
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Oh no no no.
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Oh no no no.
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Oh no no no.
|
|
(repeat until end --- Sha-la-la)
|
|
|
|
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
|
|
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
|
|
sha-la-la.
|
|
|
|
Frank: Well really. That's no way to behave on your first day out.
|
|
["it was his first day in!"] But since you're of such exceptional
|
|
beauty, I'm prepared to forgive you.
|
|
|
|
["Hey, Rocky, how do you beat off siamese twins?"]
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Ugh Ugh (applause) (Rocky [and audience] claps like a child)
|
|
|
|
Frank: Oh, I just love success.
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: He's a credit to your genius, master.
|
|
|
|
Frank: Yes.
|
|
|
|
Magenta: A triumph of your will.
|
|
|
|
Frank: Yes.
|
|
|
|
Columbia: He's O.K.
|
|
|
|
["O.K.?" or "You blew it bitch, get your tits off my tank!"]
|
|
Frank: o.k. ["Kill that New Kid!"] (smack)
|
|
O.K.! ["What do you think of the Greensboro cast?"]
|
|
I think we can do better than that. Humph!
|
|
Well, Brad and Janet, what do you think of him?
|
|
["Lie, Janet!"]
|
|
Janet: Well, I don't like a man with too many muscles.
|
|
["Just one BIG one!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: I didn't make him... FOR YOU! ["yeah, but she gets him anyway"]
|
|
He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval.
|
|
[clap and make seal noises]
|
|
|
|
I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part I)
|
|
|
|
["describe Pee Wee Herman" or whoever]
|
|
Frank: A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds ["that's Two Pee Wees"]
|
|
Will get sand in his face
|
|
When kicked to the ground [echo "groin"];
|
|
And soon in the gym with a determined chin,
|
|
["what do you like to lick?"]
|
|
The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause
|
|
Will make him glisten
|
|
["What's your favorite toothpaste?"] and gleam.
|
|
And with massage, and ["What's for dinner?"]
|
|
just a little bit of steam,
|
|
["Go for the gold!" followed by...
|
|
sing "Missed it, missed it, now you gotta kiss it!"]
|
|
He'll be pink and quite clean
|
|
He'll be a strong man.
|
|
["what does elephant come taste like?"] Oh honey...
|
|
|
|
All: But the wrong man.
|
|
|
|
Frank: He'll eat nutritious high protein ["cum"].
|
|
And swallow raw eggs... [ECHO: "come!"]
|
|
Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and... legs.
|
|
Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.
|
|
In just seven days...
|
|
["And seven nights..." repeat after each time]
|
|
|
|
Frank & Transylvanians: I can make you a man.
|
|
[ECHO: "A fag, just like his dad."]
|
|
|
|
Frank: He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do the snatch,
|
|
clean and jerk ["off"].
|
|
He thinks dynamic tension ["what do you think of anal sex?"]
|
|
must be hard work.
|
|
Such strenuous living I just can't understand,
|
|
When in just seven days, oh baby, ...I can make you a man.
|
|
|
|
Columbia: EDDIE!
|
|
|
|
HOT PATOOTIE (BLESS MY SOUL)
|
|
|
|
Eddie: Whatever happened to Saturday night,
|
|
When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright?
|
|
It don't seem the same since cosmic light
|
|
Came into my life, I thought I was divine.
|
|
I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go,
|
|
And listen to the music on the radio;
|
|
A saxophone was playing in a rock 'n roll show.
|
|
You climbed in the back seat, you really had a good time.
|
|
|
|
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
|
|
[Echo "sex drugs and rock and roll" over "I really love..."]
|
|
(repeated three more times)
|
|
|
|
(Sax solo) [when Eddie stomps the floor, "Eat shit, and die"]
|
|
|
|
My head used to swim from the perfume I smelled.
|
|
My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt.
|
|
I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt
|
|
And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine.
|
|
Get back in front, put some hair oil on
|
|
Buddy Holly was singing his very last song.
|
|
With your arms around your girl you'd try to sing along.
|
|
It felt pretty good. Woo You really had a good time.
|
|
|
|
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
|
|
(... for a total of twelve times)
|
|
|
|
(Frank attacks Eddie with an alpinist's pick) [Scream]
|
|
["That's no way to pick your friends!" or "Picky, picky, picky"]
|
|
["Frank, what's the score?"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: One from the vaults. (chuckles)
|
|
|
|
["Give those used rubbers to Magenta, she knows what to do
|
|
with them" as Frank gives the bloody gloves to her]
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Ugh...
|
|
|
|
Frank: Oh baby... Don't be upset... ["What sort of a killing was it?"]
|
|
It was a mercy killing... ["mercy mercy"]
|
|
he had a certain naive charm, ["But what a muscle?"]
|
|
but no muscle (Rocky flexes a bicep) ...Oh!
|
|
|
|
I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part II)
|
|
|
|
Frank: But a deltoid and a bicep.
|
|
A hot groin and a tricep.
|
|
Makes me, oooh, shake,
|
|
Makes me want to Charles Atlas by the ["Balls!"] ...ha-ha-hand.
|
|
|
|
Frank & Transylvanians: In just seven days I can make you a man.
|
|
|
|
Frank: I don't want no dissention, just dynamic tension.
|
|
|
|
["Sing it, Bitch!"]
|
|
Janet: I'm a muscle fan.
|
|
|
|
Frank: In just seven days, I can make you a man
|
|
Dig it if you can
|
|
In just seven days, I can make you a man.
|
|
|
|
(Frank and Rocky's WEDDING MARCH)
|
|
|
|
Transylvanians: Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!
|
|
Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!
|
|
[throw Confetti]
|
|
________________________________________________________________________________
|
|
Narrator: There are those that say that life is an illusion ["so's your
|
|
fucking"] and that reality is but a figment of the imagination.
|
|
["So's your fucking neck"] If this is so, then Brad and Janet are
|
|
quite safe ["unlike your fucking neck"], ... however, the sudden
|
|
departure of their host [ECHO:"neck"]...and his creation ["creative
|
|
neck"]...into the seclusion of his somber bridal suite
|
|
[echo "Sweet" up high] had left them feeling both ["Neckless!"]
|
|
apprehensive and uneasy a feeling which grew ["unlike your fucking
|
|
neck"] as the other guests departed, and they were
|
|
shown to their separate rooms. ["Same room different filter."]
|
|
|
|
(Janet and Brad are shown to their rooms by Riff Raff and Magenta.)
|
|
["Pink is for Sluts... watch out for the basin ...
|
|
He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake...
|
|
He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!"]
|
|
|
|
(Brad enters room)
|
|
["Same room, different filter, cheap fucking movie. Same line, Same
|
|
room, cheap fucking audience"]
|
|
|
|
(knock)
|
|
|
|
Janet: Uhh! Who is it? Who's there?
|
|
|
|
["Not to worry, not to fear, Frank the wonderfuck is here, part one"]
|
|
Frank (Brad): It's only me, Janet.
|
|
|
|
Janet: Oh, Brad darling, come in.
|
|
["and out and in and out"]
|
|
Oh! Brad Oh Brad. Yes, my darling...but what if...
|
|
["Don't worry, I brought a rubber!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank (Brad): It's all right, Janet, everything's going to be alright.
|
|
["Don't touch his hair!" or "Don't fuck with the hair"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Oh, I hope so, my darling. Oh...Ah...ahh OHHH! Oh it's you!
|
|
["We told you not to fuck with the hair!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't it nice...
|
|
|
|
Janet: Oh, you beast, you monster...Oh what have you done with Brad?
|
|
["Nothing yet, he's saving the best for last!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you think I should?
|
|
|
|
Janet: You tricked...I wouldn't have...I've never..never...
|
|
["That's not what you told the cub scouts!!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Yes, yes I know, but it isn't all bad, is it? ["It isn't all
|
|
Brad either! It's a meat substiture, phoney baloney"]
|
|
I think you really found it quite pleasurable.
|
|
|
|
Janet: Oh, stop...I mean help...Brad Brad!..Oh Brad!!
|
|
["Brad's never been down there!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Shhh. Brad's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you
|
|
like...This!
|
|
|
|
Janet: Like this..like how??! Oh, it's your fault...you're to blame
|
|
["I thought Sue was to blame."]...Oh..I was saving myself...
|
|
["For what, a rainy day? Hey bitch, it's raining!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Yes, but I'm sure you're not SPENT yet...
|
|
["Anybody got change for a penny?"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Promise you won't tell Brad?
|
|
|
|
Frank: Cross my heart and hope to die...
|
|
["Stick a dildo between by thighs"]
|
|
(assorted sexual noises)
|
|
|
|
(scene with Riff & Magenta, Magenta with a mop)
|
|
["I'm so glad we have this time together."]
|
|
|
|
(Riff walks over to Magenta)
|
|
["You fuck with the monster and I'll keep score. Hey, Magenta's on
|
|
the rag and on the stick!.... He's so fine."]
|
|
|
|
(Riff walks over to Rocky)
|
|
["Rocky takes it up the ass, doo, dah, doo, dah
|
|
Riff Raff does it twice as fast, oh, dee, doo, dah, day"]
|
|
["Service entrance in the rear", answer "That's why they call
|
|
them the Butler"]
|
|
|
|
(Riff grabs the candelabra)
|
|
|
|
(Riff Raff scares Rocky with a candelabra)
|
|
|
|
(Rocky runs away as Riff cracks his whip)
|
|
(Rocky climbs down the elevator shaft)
|
|
|
|
(Riff approaches Magenta)
|
|
[chant "Elbow Sex!" until they have it]
|
|
|
|
(scene change to Brad's room)
|
|
["Not to worry,not to fear, Frank the wonderfuck is here, part two"]
|
|
|
|
Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad darling, it's no good here. He'll destroy us.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Don't worry Janet, we'll be away from here in the morning.
|
|
|
|
Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad you're so strong and protective.
|
|
["Don't touch her hair!" or "Don't fuck with the hair"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: Ah, ah, ah, oh YOU!
|
|
|
|
Frank: I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it nice...
|
|
["It isn't Weiss either!"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: Why YOU! what have you done with Janet?
|
|
["Fucked the shit out of her"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Nothing. Why? Do you think I should?
|
|
|
|
Brad: You tricked me, I wouldn't have...never...never...never...
|
|
["That's not what you told the cub scouts"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Oh Yes yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it? Not even half
|
|
bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it.
|
|
|
|
(Brad starts moaning)
|
|
|
|
Frank: Oh... so soft...
|
|
|
|
Brad: Stop it...stop it...oh Janet...JANET!
|
|
["Janet's never been down there!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Shhh! Janet's probably asleep by now, do you want her to see you...
|
|
like...this.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame,
|
|
["I thought Sue was to blame."] I thought
|
|
it was the real thing! ["It is! Only bigger!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it, didn't you? It isn't
|
|
a crime to give yourself over to pleasure, Brad.
|
|
["It is in North Carolina!" response "But we don't give a fuck!"]
|
|
We've wasted so much time already. Janet needn't know, I won't tell.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Well, promise you won't tell...
|
|
|
|
Frank: On my mother's gra.oouuuuuu....
|
|
|
|
(BEEPBEEPBEEP...)
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Master, ["bater"] Rocky has broken his chains and vanished.
|
|
["POOF!"] Your new playmate is loose and somewhere on the grounds...
|
|
Magenta has just released ["Her sisters"] the dogs...
|
|
["And she's leading the pack!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: mmmm? coming! ["So's Brad!"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Oh, Brad. ["oh shit"] Brad, my darling, ["Janet you slut"]
|
|
how could I have done this to you? Oh!
|
|
["It was easy, but it would've been easier without the panty hose,
|
|
that's okay, there's a hole in the toe... drip, drip, drip"]
|
|
If only we hadn't made this journey... ["But you did!"]
|
|
if only the hadn't broken down... ["but it did!"]
|
|
if only we were amongst friends ["But you aren't!"] Or sane persons,
|
|
Oh Brad ["oh shit"]
|
|
Oh Brad ["Get tough bitch!"] what have they done with him...
|
|
|
|
(she sees him on TV with Frank)
|
|
Oh, Brad, Oh Brad-How could you?(she fondles the handle)
|
|
["What's that she's holding? It's the shape of things to come.
|
|
Why's she crying? She can't jump that high.
|
|
She needs the book "69 ways to love your lever" by Dick Hurtz"]
|
|
|
|
(Rocky emits moans and general cries of pain)
|
|
["Leave him alone, he's monster bating"]
|
|
|
|
(Rocky gets up) ["Who said sex wasn't dirty" response "It is with
|
|
chinchillas!!!"]
|
|
Janet: Oh, but you are hurt...Did they do this to you? ["No, I did it to
|
|
myself"] I'll dress your wounds... ["He's got more hurt than
|
|
you've got skirt!"] baby there...let me make it all better.
|
|
["Hey, Janet. Make me a three piece suit and use your bra for my ass
|
|
cheeks!!"]
|
|
["Hey Janet! Look both ways and smile if you're gonna get fucked twice in the
|
|
same movie!!"]
|
|
|
|
Narrator: Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind...Vehement or excited
|
|
mental state. It is also a powerful and irrational master...and from
|
|
what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on their television monitor
|
|
there seemed little doubt that Janet was, indeed, ... its
|
|
slave.[ECHO: "A SLUT!"]
|
|
["Now look up 'Masturbation: the act of coming unscrewed!"]
|
|
Magenta and Columbia: [echo] Tell us about it, Janet.
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME
|
|
|
|
Janet: I was feeling done in,["and out and in"]
|
|
couldn't win ["like the..." insert name of losing sports team]
|
|
I'd only ever kissed before.
|
|
|
|
Columbia: You mean she...["a slut!"]
|
|
|
|
Magenta: Uh huh
|
|
|
|
Janet: I thought there's no use getting ["laid"]
|
|
Into heavy petting
|
|
It only leads to trouble
|
|
And seat wetting.
|
|
[stand up, look at your seat, "oh shit, my seat's wet."]
|
|
Now all I want to know is how to go.
|
|
I've tasted blood and I want more.
|
|
|
|
Magenta and Columbia: [echo] More, more, more
|
|
|
|
Janet: I'll put up no resistance
|
|
I want to go the distance
|
|
I've got an itch to scratch
|
|
I need assistance.
|
|
|
|
[on 'toucha toucha' etc., run and attempt to touch Janet (on the screen)]
|
|
|
|
Toucha toucha toucha touch me
|
|
I want to be dirty
|
|
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
|
|
Creature of the night.
|
|
|
|
[when Rocky goes between Janet's legs: "This looks like a good place for
|
|
a stick up."]
|
|
|
|
Then if anything grows,["fuck it!"] while you pose,
|
|
I'll oil you up and rub you down.
|
|
|
|
Magenta and Columbia: ["up"] Down, ["up"] down, ["up"] down. ["up"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: And that's just one small fraction of the main attraction
|
|
You need a friendly hand and I need action.
|
|
|
|
Columbia: Toucha toucha toucha touch me
|
|
Magenta: I want to be dirty.
|
|
Columbia: Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,
|
|
Magenta: Creature of the night.
|
|
|
|
Janet: Toucha toucha toucha touch me I want to be dirty
|
|
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, creature of the night.
|
|
|
|
["get uglier" repeat, after each character sings his line]
|
|
Rocky: Creature of the night
|
|
Brad: Creature of the night?
|
|
Frank: Creature of the night.
|
|
Magenta: Creature of the night.
|
|
Riff Raff: Creature of the night.
|
|
Columbia: Creature of the night.
|
|
Rocky: Creature of the night.
|
|
Janet: Creature of the night.
|
|
|
|
(scene change, Riff being whipped)
|
|
["Thank you master, may I have another", after each crack]
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! ["Say thank you! ...say it in French!"]
|
|
Merrrrrcy! (being whipped by Frank)
|
|
|
|
Frank: How did it happen? I understood you were to be watching...
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: I was only away for a minute ["doing what?"]...master ["bating"]
|
|
|
|
["Frank, Show us your backhand" (shows it) "Needs work!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Well, see if you can find him on the monitor.
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Master,["bater"] master ["bater"]...we have a visitor.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Hey, Scotty! ["Beam me up, there's no intelligent life in this
|
|
theatre!"] Dr. Everett Scott.
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: You know this earthling ["You fucked up!"] ...this person?
|
|
|
|
Brad: Why yes. He happens to be an old friend of mine.
|
|
|
|
["What's your favorite fruit drink?"]
|
|
Frank: I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. You came here
|
|
with a purpose. ["It was a dolphin!"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: I told you, my car broke down. I was telling the truth.
|
|
["assholes don't lie, ask one!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: I know what you told me...but this Dr. Everett Scott, his name
|
|
is not unknown to me.
|
|
["he read it on the bathroom wall!"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: He was a science teacher at Denton High School.
|
|
|
|
Frank: And now he works for your government,["nobody works for my
|
|
government!"] doesn't he, Brad? he's
|
|
attached to the bureau of investigation of that which you call
|
|
UFO's
|
|
Isn't that right, Brad?
|
|
|
|
Brad: He might be...I don't know.
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: The intruder is entering the building, master. ["bater"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: He'll probably be...entering the Zen room. Shall we inquire
|
|
of him in person? ["Not the triple-contact electro faggot magnet!
|
|
half the audience would be attracted to the screen"]
|
|
|
|
[sing "Ring around the lesbians"]
|
|
(pause)
|
|
|
|
Brad: Great Scott! [throw TOILET PAPER]
|
|
|
|
Dr. Scott: Frankenfurter, we meet at last. ["No, we meet at first."]
|
|
|
|
Brad: Dr. Scott! ["Put 'er there!"]
|
|
|
|
Dr. Scott: Brad! What are you doing here? ["Oh, just fucking around"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Don't play games, Dr. Scott.["hopscotch"] You know perfectly
|
|
well what Brad Majors is doing here. ["Getting good head!"]
|
|
It was part of your plan, was it not?
|
|
That he and his female should check the layout for you.
|
|
["Check in, get laid, check out. Motel 6 we'll leave the light on
|
|
for you and change the sheets, and clean the mirror on the
|
|
ceiling."] well,
|
|
unfortunately for you, all your plans are to be changed.
|
|
["Frank on top, Dr. Scott on bottom and Brad in the middle, a
|
|
sandwich is a sandwich, but a Bradwich is a meal!"] You must
|
|
be adaptable, Dr. Scott; I know Brad is.
|
|
["You promissed you wouldn't tell"]
|
|
|
|
Dr. Scott: I can assure you that Brad's presence here comes as a complete
|
|
surprise to me. I came here to find Eddie.
|
|
|
|
Brad: Eddie! I've seen him!
|
|
|
|
Frank: Eddie! What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?
|
|
|
|
["Get snotty Scotty!"]
|
|
Dr. Scott: I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. You see
|
|
Eddie happens to be my ["dinner"] nephew. ["same thing"]
|
|
|
|
(Frank gasps)
|
|
|
|
Brad: Dr. Scott. ["Mouseketeer roll call sound off now!"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Ah!
|
|
|
|
[echo all following lines]
|
|
|
|
Dr. Scott: Janet!
|
|
|
|
Janet: Dr. Scott!
|
|
|
|
Brad: Janet!
|
|
|
|
Janet: Brad!
|
|
|
|
Frank: Rocky! ["Bullwinkle!"]
|
|
|
|
(Rocky says nothing, not even a grunt)
|
|
|
|
Dr. Scott: Janet!
|
|
|
|
Janet: Dr. Scott!
|
|
|
|
Brad: Janet!
|
|
|
|
Janet: Brad!
|
|
|
|
Frank: Rocky! ["Bullwinkle!"]
|
|
|
|
(Rocky says nothing, not even a grunt)
|
|
|
|
Dr. Scott: Janet!
|
|
|
|
Janet: Dr. Scott!
|
|
|
|
Brad: Janet!
|
|
|
|
Janet: Brad!
|
|
|
|
Frank: Rocky! ["Bullwinkle!"]
|
|
|
|
(Rocky says nothing, not even a grunt)
|
|
|
|
[if the theatre did it in unison, clap and cheer]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Listen...I made you...and I can break you just as easily.
|
|
(to Rocky)
|
|
|
|
["say something southern!"]
|
|
Magenta: (GONG) Master, dinner is prepared! ["and WE helped! (hay-ulped)"]
|
|
|
|
["What do you think of oral sex?"]
|
|
Frank: Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional.
|
|
|
|
["Toga Toga Toga"]
|
|
|
|
Narrator: Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals.
|
|
The breaking of the bread, the last meal of the condemned man,
|
|
and then this meal. However informal it might appear, you can
|
|
be sure that there was to be little, bonhommie.
|
|
["Bone of who?"]
|
|
|
|
(Dinner is served, the clatter of dishes is heard)
|
|
[as Riff rolls out the dinner: "Is it hot?"]
|
|
(Riff opens the lid) ["It's hot, but does it bounce, it bounces!"]
|
|
(The dinner is shown) ["What?!? Meat Loaf?!? Again!"]
|
|
(Frank slices it with the slicer)
|
|
["It slices, it dices, it circumcises, it's the Black and Decker
|
|
pecker wrecker."]
|
|
(Riff and Magenta pour the wine)
|
|
[as they get to Dr Scott: "What kind of wine is it?"]
|
|
[as it spills: "Must be table wine"]
|
|
[as Riff "deals" the meat: "Hey Riff (Raff) deal me a slice"]
|
|
|
|
|
|
["Hey Rocky, eat like a UNC Student"after he picks up the fork
|
|
"Now eat like an educated UNC Student, No such animal"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: A toast [throw TOAST] ["To cannibalism!"] ...to absent friends...
|
|
["and cannibalism"]
|
|
|
|
All: [echo] To absent friends. ["And cannibalism. They always fucking
|
|
forget cannibalism!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: and to Rocky.
|
|
|
|
["Hey, this time finish the song, last week you stopped in
|
|
the middle."]
|
|
|
|
(singing w/ Janet, et al)
|
|
Happy Birthday to you ["Whew!"]
|
|
Happy Birthday to you ["Whew!"]
|
|
Happy Birthday dear Rocky... (stops, Janet finishing last)
|
|
["Dammit! I'll never learn the end of that song!"]
|
|
|
|
Shall we?
|
|
|
|
Dr. Scott: We came here to discuss Eddie.
|
|
|
|
Columbia: Eddie. (Frank threatens her with the slicer)
|
|
["Shut up bitch, you wanna be breakfast?"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: That's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone?
|
|
|
|
["Brad knows, Janet knows, Dr Scott knows, Rocky knows but doesn't
|
|
give a shit!"]
|
|
|
|
Columbia: Excuse me (Scream on exit)
|
|
|
|
["What's the matter Columbia, you've eaten Eddie before?",
|
|
as Frank pours the ketchup: "Yeah, but never with ketchup!"]
|
|
or, if you prefer...
|
|
["What's the matter? You ate him before - you can eat him again!"
|
|
"Yeah, but she didn't swallow last!"]
|
|
|
|
Dr. Scott: I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I
|
|
imagined...Aliens! ["Who the fuck are YOU talking to?", answer
|
|
"Who the fuck are WE talking to?"]
|
|
|
|
Rocky: Ugh?
|
|
|
|
Brad: Doctor Scott! ["Janet Brad Rocky Bullwinkle!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Go on, Dr. Scott. Or should I say Dr. Von Scott.
|
|
|
|
[stand up and put out your arm to say "Seig heil!"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: Just what exactly are you implying?
|
|
|
|
Dr. Scott: It's all right!
|
|
|
|
Brad: Doctor Scott!
|
|
|
|
Scott: It's all right, Brad.
|
|
["How long was he gay?"]
|
|
|
|
EDDIE'S TEDDY
|
|
|
|
From the day he was born ["Not the night, but the day"]
|
|
He was trouble. ["Not Monopoly but Trouble"]
|
|
He was the thorn ["not the rose but the thorn"]
|
|
In his mother's side. [echo "ass"... "Not the Ass, but the side"]
|
|
She tried in vain [ECHO: "cocaine"]
|
|
["In the artery and the vein"]
|
|
|
|
Narrator: ...but he never caused her nothing
|
|
but shame. ["Shame shame shame shame" with finger motion]
|
|
|
|
Scott: He left home the day she died.
|
|
["It's Rocking Scott!"]
|
|
From the day she was gone ["SheBop shebop Scott"]
|
|
All he wanted ["The Doctor Scott Rock"]
|
|
Was Rock 'n' Roll porn ["Shebop shebop Scott!"]
|
|
And a motorbike. ["oooo weee eeee oooo"]
|
|
Shooting up junk...
|
|
|
|
["Hey Chucky, what was he?"]
|
|
Narrator: He was a low down cheap little punk!
|
|
["Yay Punks!" stand if you like]
|
|
|
|
Scott: Taking everyone for a ride.
|
|
["I wanna go for a ride!"]
|
|
|
|
All: When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy
|
|
You knew he was a no-good kid. [clap clap]
|
|
But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife
|
|
|
|
Frank: What a guy! [echo "What a fag"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Makes you cry. [echo "Makes you gag"]
|
|
|
|
Scott: Und I did. [echo "on his dick"]
|
|
|
|
[clap like you have a set of maracas]
|
|
|
|
Columbia: Everybody shoved him.
|
|
I very nearly loved him.
|
|
I said, hey, listen to me;
|
|
Stay sane inside insanity!
|
|
But he locked the door and threw away the key.
|
|
|
|
Scott: But he must have been drawn ["To Dr. Scott's rocks"]
|
|
Into something, ["Like Dr. Scott's rocks?"]
|
|
Making him warn ["Who?"]
|
|
Me in a note that reads...
|
|
|
|
All: [echo] What's it say? What's it say?
|
|
|
|
Eddie's voice: I'm out of my hed. ["Spelled H - E - D"]
|
|
Oh, hurry, or I may be dead. ["Spelled right!"]
|
|
They mustn't carry out their evil deeds. ["Scream!"] (scream)
|
|
|
|
All: When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy
|
|
You knew he was a no-good kid. [clap clap]
|
|
But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife
|
|
|
|
Frank: What a guy! [echo "What a fag"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Makes you cry. [echo "Makes you gag"]
|
|
|
|
Scott: Und I did. [echo "on his dick"]
|
|
|
|
All: When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy
|
|
You knew he was a no-good kid. [clap clap]
|
|
But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife
|
|
[echo "Ball point pen" over "switch-blade knife"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: What a guy! ["What the fuck is a guy-uuy-uyy?"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: Makes you cry. ["What does Fat Albert say?"]
|
|
|
|
Others: Hey, hey, hey.
|
|
|
|
Scott: Und I did. ["What the fuck is an unt?"]
|
|
|
|
["It's a cunt without the 'C'"]
|
|
["I fucking hate celery!"]
|
|
|
|
(All scream)
|
|
|
|
Frank: Rocky! ["You fucking heterosexual!"] How could you? (slaps Janet)
|
|
|
|
(general mayhem as Frank chases Janet. Riff and Magenta laugh, until
|
|
Riff suddenly says "Shut up!" [which the audience echoes])
|
|
|
|
WISE UP
|
|
|
|
I'll tell you once; I won't tell you twice. [hiss on every "ice"]
|
|
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.
|
|
Your apple pie don't taste so nice.
|
|
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.
|
|
|
|
I've laid the seed; it should be all you need.
|
|
You're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string.
|
|
When we made it, didja hear a bell ring? [ring BELL]
|
|
|
|
Ya gotta block? Well, take my advice.
|
|
You better wise up, Janet Weiss.
|
|
The transducer will seduce ya.
|
|
|
|
Janet: My feet! I can't move my feet!
|
|
|
|
Scott: My wheels! My God, I can't move my wheels!
|
|
|
|
Brad: It's as if we're glued to the spot!
|
|
[echo "My socks! I can't move my socks!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: You are! So quake with fear, you tiny fools!
|
|
|
|
Janet: We're trapped!
|
|
|
|
["Describe anal sex"]
|
|
Frank: (sung) It's something you'll get used to. A mental mind fuck
|
|
can be nice.
|
|
|
|
Scott: You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine.
|
|
This sonic transducer. it is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato-
|
|
physio-molecular transport device?
|
|
|
|
Brad: [echo] You mean... ["A vibrator!"]
|
|
|
|
Scott: Yes, Brad, it's something we ourselves have been working on
|
|
for quite some time. But it seems our friend here has found
|
|
a means of perfecting it. ["A perfect vibrator"]
|
|
A device capable of breaking down solid matter an
|
|
then projecting it through space and, who knows,
|
|
perhaps even time itself. ["A COSMIC vibrator!"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: You mean he's going to send us to another planet?
|
|
|
|
Frank: [echo] Planet, shmanet, Janet!
|
|
You better wise up, Janet Weiss.
|
|
You better wise up, build your thighs up,
|
|
You better wise up
|
|
|
|
Narrator: [echo] And then she cried out...
|
|
|
|
Janet: Stop! [echo "More!"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Don't get hot and flustered! ["What do you use when you're out of
|
|
Vaseline?"]
|
|
Use a bit of mustard.
|
|
|
|
Brad: You're a hot dog, but you better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter.
|
|
|
|
(Freeze - Brad)
|
|
|
|
Scott: You're a hot dog, but you better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter.
|
|
|
|
(Freeze - Scott)
|
|
|
|
Janet: You're a hot dog --
|
|
|
|
(Freeze - Janet)
|
|
["Who's Tim Curry?"]
|
|
|
|
Columbia: My God! I can't stand any more of this!["Then sit down!"]
|
|
First you spurn me for Eddie, and then you throw him off like
|
|
an old overcoat for Rocky! You chew people up and then you
|
|
spit them out again. ["What do you expect, he's bulemic"]
|
|
I loved you..["WHAT?"] did you hear me! I loved you!
|
|
And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll tell you: a big nothing.
|
|
You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, and
|
|
drain others of their love and emotion. ["Peek a boo!"]
|
|
Yeah, well, I've had enough. You're gonna choose between me
|
|
and Rocky, so named because of the
|
|
rocks in his head. ["Holy Moley, what a bitch, quick Magenta,
|
|
throw the switch!"] (freeze) ["Lefty Hefty, rightie tidy, you know
|
|
which side Eddie slept on"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: It's not easy having a good time...
|
|
["Try Heratige USA"](freeze Rocky)
|
|
["Great party, everybody got stoned. But don't take your friends
|
|
for granted."]
|
|
...even smiling makes my face ache
|
|
["comes from biting your knuckles!"]
|
|
...and my children turn on me
|
|
...Rocky's behaving just the way Eddie did
|
|
Do you think I made a mistake, splitting his brain
|
|
between the two of them?
|
|
|
|
Magenta: Ahhhh! I grow veary of this vorld! Vhen shall ve return
|
|
to Transylvania, huh?
|
|
["As soon as ve catch ze moose and squirrel Natasha"]
|
|
|
|
[as Riff turns Magenta towords him: "Going, going,..."]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Magenta, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother
|
|
Riff Raff. You have both served me well. Loyalty such as yours
|
|
shall not go unrewarded. You will discover that when the mood
|
|
takes me, I can be quite generous.
|
|
|
|
["She's gone!"]
|
|
|
|
["How much do you charge for a blow job?"]
|
|
Magenta: I ask for nothing...master.
|
|
|
|
Frank: And you shall receive it ["How do you come?"]...in abundance!
|
|
["Fee Fi Fo Fum, first I jack off, then I..."]
|
|
Come, we are ready for the floor show!
|
|
|
|
Narrator: And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed,
|
|
had decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment
|
|
with their friend, Dr. Everett Scott. But it was to be in a
|
|
situation which none of them would have possibly forseen.
|
|
And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement,
|
|
Brad and Janet had both tasted ["Frank's come"]
|
|
...forbidden fruit. ["Same thing!"] This in itself was proof
|
|
that their host was a man of of little morals ["Yay little morals"]
|
|
...and some persuasion. ["Yay, persuasion"] What
|
|
further indignities were they to be subjected to?
|
|
And what of the floor show that is spoken of? ["What of the floor
|
|
show? Where do you masterbate?"] In an empty house? ["When do you
|
|
masterbate?"] In the middle of the night? ["rates are cheaper"]
|
|
What diabolical plan had seized Frank's crazed imagination?
|
|
["the same one that seized your fucking neck!"] What indeed?
|
|
From what had gone before, it was clear that this was to be
|
|
["A picnic?"] no picnic. ["Aw shit!I brought the ants"]
|
|
|
|
A. FLOOR SHOW part I
|
|
|
|
ROSE TINT MY WORLD
|
|
|
|
(Frank is running around making preparations while the others are
|
|
frozen on the stage.) ["Ladies. This is what happens when you don't
|
|
swallow!"]
|
|
|
|
["For one night and one night only... The Stones!"]
|
|
["Hey Columbia, describe this movie!"]
|
|
(unfreeze Columbia)
|
|
Columbia: It was great when it all began.
|
|
I was a regular Frankie fan.
|
|
But it was over when he had the plan ["to shave my eyebrows"]
|
|
To start a-working on a muscle man. ["and shave my eyebrows."
|
|
Now the only thing that gives me hope ["Is smoking dope"]
|
|
Is my love of a certain dope. ["and growing eyebrows"]
|
|
Rose tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.
|
|
|
|
(Unfreeze - Rocky)
|
|
|
|
["How old are you?"]
|
|
Rocky: I'm just seven hours old, ["And can't sing"]
|
|
And truly beautiful to behold.
|
|
And somebody should be told ["I can't dance either"]
|
|
My libido hasn't been controlled.
|
|
Now the only thing I've come to trust ["Is Janet's bust"]
|
|
Is an orgasmic rush of lust. ["anal floss"]
|
|
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.
|
|
|
|
(Unfreeze - Brad)
|
|
|
|
["HEy, Brad, How big is my dick?"]
|
|
Brad: It's beyond me; help me Mommy!
|
|
I'll be good; you'll see.
|
|
Take this dream away.
|
|
What's this? ["the floor"] Let's see, ["it's still the floor"]
|
|
I feel sexy!
|
|
What's come over me? ["Frank"]
|
|
Wo! Here it comes again.
|
|
|
|
(unfreeze - Janet)
|
|
|
|
Janet: I feel released; bad times decrease.
|
|
My confidence has increased; reality is here.
|
|
The game has been disbanded; my mind has been expanded.
|
|
It's a gas that Frankie's landed!
|
|
His lust is so sincere.
|
|
|
|
FLOOR SHOW part II
|
|
|
|
(Fanfare and RKO logo appears)
|
|
["What the fuck is a radio picture?"]
|
|
[answer: "It's a picture of radio"]
|
|
|
|
DON'T DREAM IT
|
|
|
|
Frank: Whatever happened to Fay Wray? ["She went ape-shit!" or
|
|
"She got fucked by a forty foot ape"]
|
|
That delicate, satin-draped frame?
|
|
As it clung to her thigh ["What? the ape-shit?"]
|
|
How I started to cry ["I'd cry too if I was fucked by a forty foot ape"]
|
|
'cause I wanted to be dressed just the same. ["But you are!"]
|
|
|
|
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.
|
|
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.
|
|
Erotic nightmares, ["how big is your dick?"] beyond any measure
|
|
And sensual daydreams to treasure ["how long can you keep it up?"]
|
|
forever.
|
|
Can't you just see it? Oh, oh, oh.
|
|
|
|
[if you're up to it, have an orgy in the aisles]
|
|
|
|
Don't dream it, be it. (four times)
|
|
|
|
All: Don't dream it, be it. (twelve times)
|
|
|
|
["Use the force!"]
|
|
(Unfreeze - Scott. In on sixth time)
|
|
|
|
Scott: Ach! ["choo!"] We've got to get ["the fuck"] out of this trap
|
|
before this decadence ["Yay decadence!"] saps our wills.
|
|
I've got to be strong, and try to ["maintain a hard-on"]
|
|
hang on, or else my mind may well [snap] snap and my life
|
|
will be lived ["as a soprano transvegetable"] ...for the thrills!
|
|
|
|
Brad: It's beyond me; help me Mommy! ["Columbia, shut him up!"]
|
|
|
|
Janet: God bless Lilly St. Cyr.
|
|
|
|
FLOOR SHOW part III
|
|
|
|
WILD AND UNTAMED THING
|
|
["Hey Frank, who's pool is this??"]
|
|
Frank: My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...my!
|
|
I'm a wild and an untamed thing.
|
|
I'm a bee with a deadly sting.
|
|
You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
|
|
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
|
|
So let the party and the sounds rock on.
|
|
We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.
|
|
Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.
|
|
|
|
["One two three four"]
|
|
|
|
All: We're a wild and an untamed thing.
|
|
We're bees with a deadly sting.
|
|
You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
|
|
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
|
|
So let the party and the sounds rock on.
|
|
We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.
|
|
Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.
|
|
|
|
["Oh shit! Mom and dad are home!"]
|
|
Riff Raff: Frank N Furter, it's all over.
|
|
Your mission is a failure;
|
|
Your lifestyle's too extreme.
|
|
I'm your new commander;
|
|
You now are my prisoner.
|
|
We return to Transylvania.
|
|
Prepare the transit beam.
|
|
|
|
["Hey Magenta, sit on my face and I'll guess your..."]
|
|
Frank: Wait! ["Can you explain?"] I can explain!
|
|
["It better good. You died last week"]
|
|
|
|
I'M GOING HOME
|
|
["And now, for one night, and one night only,Judy Garland with
|
|
Alfalfa's shadow singing "I'm Going Homo""]
|
|
|
|
Frank: On the day I went away...
|
|
|
|
All: Goodbye...
|
|
|
|
Frank: Was all I had to say...
|
|
|
|
All: Now I...
|
|
|
|
Frank: I want to come again, ["so's Brad"] and stay.["hard"]
|
|
|
|
All: Oh, my, my...
|
|
|
|
["what do you do when you get a good blow job?"]
|
|
Frank: Smile, and that will mean I may.
|
|
'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
|
|
Through the tears in my eyes
|
|
And I realize, I'm going home.
|
|
|
|
All: I'm going home.
|
|
|
|
(Magenta yawns)
|
|
["Where do you masterbate (fuck)?"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: Everywhere ["How's it been?"] it's been the same...
|
|
|
|
All: ...feeling...
|
|
["What's it like when Brad cums in your face?"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: ...like I'm outside in the rain...
|
|
|
|
All: ...wheeling...
|
|
["How much do you charge for a fuck?"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: ...free ["I'll take two to go please"] to try and find a game...
|
|
|
|
All: ...dealing...
|
|
|
|
[When you see the Betty Ford look alikes...
|
|
"It's Betty Ford! It's Orville Reddenbacher! He just popped in!
|
|
Look, it's Betty Ford again, it's a Betty Ford clinic"]
|
|
|
|
Frank: ...cards for sorrow, cards for pain. [throw CARDS]
|
|
'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
|
|
Through the tears in my eyes
|
|
And I realize, I'm going home.
|
|
|
|
Frank & All: I'm going home. (3 times)
|
|
|
|
["It's the NBC Peacock"]
|
|
(applause, then audience dissapears)
|
|
|
|
["You blew it!, Look it's a New Kids concert!"]
|
|
|
|
Magenta: How sentimental. ["Sentimental bitch!"]
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: And also presumptuous of you. ["Presumptuous bastard!"]
|
|
["F"] You see, ["K"] when I said WE were
|
|
to return to Transylvania, I referred only to Magenta
|
|
["What the fuck's a Magenter!"] and myself.
|
|
I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading, but you see,
|
|
you are to remain here, in spirit, anyway.
|
|
|
|
Scott: Great heavens! That's a laser!
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Yes, Dr. Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure
|
|
anti-matter. ["Does that mean it doesn't matter?"]
|
|
|
|
Brad: You mean...you're going to kill him? What's his crime?
|
|
|
|
Scott: You saw what became of Eddie. Society must be protected.
|
|
["Fuck society!"]
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Exactly, Dr. Scott. And now, Frank N Furter, your time has
|
|
come. Say goodbye to all of this, ["Goodbye, all of this"]
|
|
and hello ["Hello"] to oblivion.
|
|
["Hello, oblivion. How's the wife and kids?"]
|
|
|
|
["First one to scream gets it in the tits!"]
|
|
(Columbia screams - gets zapped)
|
|
["Oh shit, it works!"]
|
|
(Frank tries to escape by climbing the curtain)
|
|
(Frank screams - gets zapped, falls)
|
|
["Curtain, thank you. Rope please! Thank you!"]
|
|
|
|
(Rocky moans over Frank's body - gets zap, zap, zap, zapped
|
|
as he climbs the RKO set - falls to his death into the pool)
|
|
|
|
Janet: Oh! You killed them!
|
|
|
|
Magenta: But I thought you liked them. They liked you.
|
|
|
|
["Get paranoid!"]
|
|
Riff Raff: They didn't like me! ["Get real paraniod"] He never liked ME!
|
|
|
|
Scott: You did right.
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: A decision had to be made. ["and I made it"]
|
|
|
|
Scott: You're O.K. by me. ["Nanoo Nanoo, Shazscott!"]
|
|
|
|
Riff Raff: Dr. Scott, I'm sorry about your ["dinner"] nephew.
|
|
|
|
Scott: Eddie? ["No, Penelope!"]
|
|
Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best, heh, heh, heh.
|
|
|
|
Riff: You should leave now, Dr. Scott, while it is still possible.
|
|
We are about to beam the entire house to the planet Transexual,
|
|
in the galaxy of Transylvania. Go... Now.
|
|
|
|
[sing "Roll out the cripple, and we'll have a wheelchair of fun"]
|
|
|
|
Our mission is completed, my most ["ugly Qtip"] beautiful sister,
|
|
["If that's the beautiful one, I'd hate to see the ugly one!"]
|
|
and soon we shall return to {the moon-drenched shores of our
|
|
beloved planet}.
|
|
|
|
Magenta: Sweet Transexual. Land of night. ["and high electric bills"] To sing
|
|
and dance once more to your dark refrain. ["is it better to giv e a
|
|
blow job or to take one?"]...to take that... step to the right.
|
|
|
|
Riff-Raff: But it's the pelvic thrust
|
|
|
|
["Flashback with sound please!"]
|
|
(cut of Time Warp with Transylvanians singing "that really drives you
|
|
insane")
|
|
|
|
Magenta: On our world... Ve'll do the Time Varp again!
|
|
(castle blasts off)
|
|
|
|
} SUPER HEROES
|
|
}
|
|
}Brad: I've done a lot; God knows I've tried
|
|
} To find the truth. I've even lied.
|
|
} But all I know is down inside
|
|
}
|
|
}All: I'm bleeding...
|
|
}
|
|
}Janet: And super heroes come to the feast
|
|
} To taste the flesh not yet deceased.
|
|
} And all I know is still the beast
|
|
}
|
|
}All: Is feeding...)
|
|
} Ahh, ahh... (etc.)
|
|
}
|
|
} ["Hey Brad, can you do the Backstroke? What about the Australian crawl?"]
|
|
|
|
["Stop the world, I want to get off!"]
|
|
|
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Narrator: And crawling ["where?"] on the planet's face
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Some insects ["what're they called?"] called the human race...
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["Where's your fucking neck?"] Lost in time
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["What's your favorite TV show?"] And lost in space
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["what does this movie lack?"]
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And meaning.
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["Don't forget to turn off the globe"]
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All: Meaning. ["You forgot to turn off the globe"]
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} (SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE - REPRISE)
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}
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}
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}Usherette: Science Fiction
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} Double Feature.
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} Frank has built and
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} Lost his creature.
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} Darkness has conquered
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} Brad and Janet.
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} The servants gone to
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} A distant planet.
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} Wo, oh, oh, oh.
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} At the late night, double feature,
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} Picture show.
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} I want to go, oh, oh, oh.
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} To the late night, double feature,
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} Picture show.
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FIN
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