455 lines
23 KiB
Plaintext
455 lines
23 KiB
Plaintext
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\ / |_
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/ \ e n o n | o u n d a t i o n
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presents:
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\ /
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*------ the \ /
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/ \ files ------*
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/ \
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April/1994 Issue: 14
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The DAX Meeting - Loxsmith
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[editors comments in brackets]
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Introduction
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This text file is not meant to be funny or humorous. It is simply an actual
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recount of what happened at the first Dementia Access meeting in Lowell
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Massachusetts on March 27, 1994. Although, not as big as H0H0Con, or even
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a 2600 meeting, it was still a very eventful evening that all of the
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attendees have been questioned about. Instead of taking hours to explain
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everything that happened, we have decided to create this text file. I have
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chosen myself to write it. However, we all have contributed much to the
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production of this file. Everything here is true.
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March 27, 1994 12:00 PM Loxsmith's House, New Bedford, Massachusetts
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I am sitting in front of my window, anxiously awaiting the arrival of Erik
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Turbo. The first ever Dementia Access (DAX) gathering will begin in about
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five hours. We agreed to meet Culture Jammer at 2:00 pm in Lowell, and then
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meet Absolute Angel and Warfair.
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Erik Turbo and I live in a far off part of the 5o8 area code, approximately
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two hours away from where the meeting will be held. Bender will be attending
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the meeting with us, so he will be riding with Erik also.
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March 27, 1994 12:10 PM Loxsmith's House
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Erik hasn't shown up yet. The Sage calls me voice in need of secure, rad
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IRC sites. After fifteen minutes of talking about what the DAX meeting will
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be like, I wish him to stay free, as we part.
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March 27, 1994 12:25 PM Loxsmith's House
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I hear a car burn its tires as it turns into my street. I then hear a
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prolonged horn (beeping) sound. I cover my body in my black trench coat,
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and run outside. Erik Turbo's Mazda stands before me, and I begin to hear
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the hollering of Geddy Lee as I approach it.
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[A Mazda GLC, to be exact.]
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March 27, 1994 1:00 PM The Highway
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Bender, Erik Turbo, and I race to the DAX meeting in Erik's sedan at over
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110 mph. We encounter an agressive driver who flips us off and passes us
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at 120 mph. The race is on. For the next 45 minutes, we race this guy down
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495 North, gaining speeds of over 140 mph. No one ever gives any ground.
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A back and forth race up until the very end. We had the advantage, for this
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is not the first time Erik had been in such a race. Our opponent was willing
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to break the law to win. Fortunately, we were also. After being cut off
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half a dozen times by this speed racer spoof, we decided to utilize the break
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down lane. This would prove to be our undoing, as we were unable to get back
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into the traffic lanes quickly. He eventually took off, and never looked
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back at us.
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[First of all, he didn't beat me. We won. And second of all, it wasn't
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140mph. Maybe 110mph, but Mazda GLC's can not go 140mph.]
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March 27, 1994 2:00 PM Chuck E. Cheese, Lowell, Massachusetts
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Culture Jammer gets back from the eye doctors and gets dropped off by
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Chuck E. Cheese. Little does he know, that he will have quite a wait
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ahead of him.
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March 27, 1994 2:00 PM The Highway
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Meanwhile, Erik Turbo, Bender, and I race down 495 North, searching for the
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elusive "Lowell Connector". We end up passing it, and speeding into a small
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happy-go-lucky town called "Billericca". If you don't like street signs,
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live in Billericca, because they have none. After wandering around aimlessly
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for about a half hour, we finally decide to call Absolute Angel to reaffirm
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our directions.
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March 27, 1994 3:00 PM Chuck E. Cheese
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Erik Turbo, Bender, and I spot a guy who looks to be in his preteens in a
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black trench coat, carrying a fifty five pound bag. Must be Culture Jammer.
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Culture Jammer is not pissed, as we expect him to be. Instead he opens us
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with open arms. (Unfortunately, he couldn't get us into Chuck E. Cheese's
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like he said he would.) We end up going to Micky D's, chowing down on some
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French Fries, sodas, and burgers, and discussing the latest, most critical
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world events, such as Stallman's new version of EMACS, and the new shadow
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security implemented on Umass Lowell.
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March 27, 1994 3:30 PM Absolute Angel's House
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Erik Turbo, Bender, Culture Jammer, and I go to Absolute Angel's house to
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pick him up. For the first time, Erik Turbo, and Absolute Angel meet.
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Warfair and Absolute Angel journey to Concord to pick up Fizban. The rest
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of us end up going to Chuck E. Cheese's and attempting to get in.
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March 27, 1994 3:40 PM Chuck E. Cheese
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Bender, Erik Turbo, Culture Jammer, and myself enter Chuck E. Cheese's, and
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the smell of the rotten pizza and the sight of the delinquent, ingreatful
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juvenilles was enough to make us all smile. The Chuck E. Cheese employee
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girl approaches me and says "Hi, do you have any children with you?" Bender
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softly mutters, "not unless you count CJ."
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As three other hackers and I begin to walk faster, we begin to realize that
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we don't have a table. Culture Jammer reapproaches the Chuck E. Cheese
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employee girl and asks "Excuse me... Can you please get us a table?" She
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replies with, "I am sorry, but unless you are here for a party, or have any
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children with you, I am not authorized to do so." Culture Jammer rebuts,
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"Well, I am a kiddie, and that guy over there is my dad." (points to Erik
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Turbo). The girl giggles, "Yeah, whatever. Please leave, or I will have to
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get the manager." Culture Jammer, a little bit pissed off hollers, "Get
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your fucking manager." The manager, standing almost directly behind CJ,
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comes to his calling and asks us to leave.
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March 27, 1994 4:55 PM Chuck E. Cheese
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After being thrown out of Chuck E. Cheese's, we wait outside for Absolute,
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Warfair, and Fizban to arrive. It isn't until they pull up that Warfair
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realizes that he has to work. Warfair departs. After we brief Absolute
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Angel about the situation with the manager in Chuck E. Cheese, he calmly
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dismisses our worries, and tells us, "Don't worry about it. I've dated
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girls that work here." We confidentally walk into the children's pizza
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franchise behind Abs, and Abs walks straight up to one of the girls working
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there. They seem to be friendly with each other. If not, at the least they
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appear to be having a friendly conversation. Our confidence is crushed
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when she finally proclaims, "You are not supposed to be here." Abs begins
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to walk out, and like the mindless followers we are, we stick behind him.
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Culture Jammer stays back, and after we get outside, we peek through the
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window to see him on his knees begging the manager for something. He gets
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to his feet and leaves. His first words to us after he comes out, are "I
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got us a table, G'z!" Only one problem - we will have to wait for a half
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hour.
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March 27, 1994 5:00 PM Chuck E. Cheese
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We fail to find anything con[de]structive to do, and we are all beginning
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to get bored. Spota, Piz Zart, Krazi Horz and Hellian (with a friend who
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doesn't have a name) arrive. We all introduce ourselves. Collectively,
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we all look like a large heavy metal band. After aimlessly talking to each
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other for fifteen minutes, Spota, Piz, and Krazi decide to try to talk to the
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people in Chuck E. Cheese about giving us our tables a bit quicker. They
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are thrown out after a five minute long bitter argument, and it now appears
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that we have lost our table.
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March 27, 1994 5:30 PM McDonald's
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We decide to move elsewhere, with elsewhere being McDonald's. We have two
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cars, and twelve hackers. Spota, Piz, and Krazi took one car; the rest of
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us try to cram into erikt's (the "T" is now for Taxi) Mazda Sedan. It
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is truly amazing. Four adult seating capacity, my ass. We zipped ourselves
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up pretty well. Absolute Angel ended up sitting on his head, while the rest
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of us ended up sitting on each other.
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After arriving at McDonald's, Spota breaks out the laptop, Abs pulls out
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the Telco manuals, CJ pulls out the equipment, and Hellian pulls off the
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head of a happy-meal toy. Someone brought a guide to answering machines.
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It was elite. Some very nice reading materials were being passed around,
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as we discussed many things that hackers don't these days - the foremost
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thing being hacking. I don't like to bash 2600 meetings, but I must. The
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information that is exchanged at a DAX meeting is far greater than all of
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the info ever exchanged at any 2600 that I have ever attended put together.
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I once stated on IRC that 2600 meetings are social gatherings for antisocial
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people. Well, DAX meetings are antisocial gatherings for antisocial people.
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That, in my opinion, is how it should be. But then again, that is just me.
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I take this shit way too seriously.
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March 27, 1994 6:15 PM McDonald's
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Our first contact with a fed! Some old fat guy with a bald spot on his
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head begins to ask questions about Spota's computer. He asks where we got
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it, how much it costed, and what the serial number on it was. After laughing
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at this fool, Spota tells him it costed $1,200. The old man, in a grotesque
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stutter tells us he can get us it cheaper. We laugh again. We ignore him
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for a few minutes, then he begins to ask us about other equipment. Absolute
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Angel bolts up out of his chair with a telco document. He sits at the old
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man's table and begins to show him pictures. The whole time we are all
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laughing uncontrollably. As Absolute begins to mock him, the old man gets
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up and tells us that *he* didn't get a telco document after Abs told him he
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got it in the mail... Oh well, "some people never get it." After laughing
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at this man as he left the building, we amused ourselves with Happy Meals.
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Just as this happens, Radeyes shows up. To this day, I still don't know how
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he found out that we were meeting at Micky D's, and not Chuck E. Cheese.
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March 27, 1994 7:20 PM McDonald's
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We are all basically done with the core of the meeting. Spota, Piz, and
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Krazi have to get home. We leave McDonald's, and again, eight hackers attempt
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to cram into Erik Turbo's car. Our target will be Barnes and Noble's, a
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bookstore about fifteen minutes away. We are not very comfortable. Erik
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Turbo stops the car. We all begin to feel tremendous pain. He stops at a
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gas station. Thinking he is going to get gas, we see him come back to the
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car with a box of Cigarettes. Barnes and Noble's was very profitable for
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Erik Turbo. To what extent, I won't discuss here, but I will say that he
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got his money's worth, and he didn't even have to spend any money. (You
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figure it out.)
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March 27, 1994 8:00 PM Chuck E. Cheese
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After we hit B&N's, Erik Turbo's car is given a name. "gzip". That is
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what we all felt like - a compressed archive. We now have to go back to
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the Chuck E. Cheese parking lot (where New England Telephone is also located)
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and drop off Hellian and his unnamed pal. We intend to trash immediately
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following this. I guess it all would have gone fine, but we're assholes.
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Instead, we decide to procrastinate and go to Chuck E. Cheese again. Maybe
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play some Air Hockey, get some pizza, whatever. We walk in, we exchange
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dollars for tokens, and the mouse starts Culture Jammer and Absolute in a
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game of Air Hockey. A very competitive game up until the very end, when
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Absolute Angel suprisingly bounces the puq off of the sides of the table
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8 times and scores. Erik Turbo, about to piss a river, confronts an employee
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at Chuck E. Cheese's and asks if he can use their restroom. Of course, the
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employee comes back with a smarmy remark like, "You need to purchase something
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to use the restrooms." Of course, Erik Turbo wasn't about to induce himself
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in a game of skee ball. Now, anyone who knows business law, and customer
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rights should know that what was done was against the law. At least in the
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state of Massachusetts. "All resturaunts in which a customer has the option
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of consuming food therin, are required to be kept sanitary restrooms available
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to the general public throughout their operation hours." (Massachusetts
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State Law 99-4a; Consumer Franchises) It is about this time the manager
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approaches us.
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Talk about an asshole. Here we are, willing customers, in an almost barren
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pizza resturuant, spending money, and this guy has the nerve to approach us
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and ask us to leave. Culture Jammer is probably a little bit more pissed
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than the rest of us, as he seems to take charge.
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CJ:
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"We weren't smoking cigs, bothering the kiddies, drinking up, toking around,
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loitering, emitting bodily fluids... we were simply having a good time at
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Chuck's."
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Manager:
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"Yes, but I am asking you to leave."
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CJ:
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"But the mouse liked us. He even gave us the tokens and started this game.
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What about my tokens? I am doing business with you in a proper manner."
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Manager:
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"Your tokens will be refunded. Please leave. You guys were in here before,
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and what you fail to understand is that this establishment is meant for
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parents and children."
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CJ:
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"Well, I see. You are discriminating against us because of our age. So
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ever-typical of people, when they see a few long-haired teenagers to assume
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the worst."
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Manager:
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"I am not discriminating against anyone. Come back here with you mother or
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father, and I won't have a problem."
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CJ:
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"OK. I will do that. I will bring my father... and I guess my father will
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have to bring his mother, who is my grandmother... because, heaven knows what
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will happen if my father doesn't have a parent too... and I guess my grand
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mother will have to bring her parents, who are dead, but they'll have to
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come anyway."
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Manager:
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"Look, I really don't care. I am asking you to leave once more..."
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Erik Turbo:
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"One question, can I please use the restroom?"
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Manager:
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"No. Leave."
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Erik Turbo:
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"Wait, isn't this a public place?"
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Manager:
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"No, this is a business. This is my business, and if I don't want you here,
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I have the right to ask you to leave."
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Erik Turbo shakes his head.
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Loxsmith:
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"Wrong. This is a franchise that you happen to run a subdivision of. The
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business that you run is public domain. If it isn't, then I demand that you
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show me your tax forms, and then we shall see if you filed as a private
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sector corporation or business."
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Manager:
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"I am not going to argue with you. Do you want to exchange your tokens?"
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CJ:
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"Nah. I'll be back. Yeah, I'll be back here."
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We leave, and as we are doing so, Absolute clams on the window, and I
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begin to mutter insane rantings such as "Chuck E. Cheese's is going down.
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These people have fucked with the wrong hacker. I am finding these dialups,
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and they are going down." Obviously, the manager is observing all of this,
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and comes outside in typical poindexter fashion, with a clipboard and pencil.
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He copies down Erik Turbo's license plate number, and eyes us until we leave.
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March 27, 1994 8:20 PM Chuck E. Cheese Parking Lot
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We are down, but we aren't out. We intend on doing something lame. We
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intend on trashing. A New England Telephone CO is located in the same
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shopping center as Chuck E. Cheese, horizontal, about an acre's length away.
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Absolute Angel and Culture Jammer agree that they will do the actual
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trashing since they have had the most experience with this particular site.
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We all get out of Erik Turbo's car, to get ready, and suddenly we spot a
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police car coming. The police officers instruct us to pick up a beer can
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next to the car. Culture Jammer, Erik Turbo, Fizban, and Absolute
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simultaneously tell them that the beer can is not ours (which it wasn't.)
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The police men again order us to pick up the beer can and place it "back"
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into Erik Turbo's car. Being the conformist that I am, and not looking to
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have to put up with a bunch of bullshit from the pigs, I walk over to the
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beer can, and place it in Erik Turbo's car. The next line of questioning
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is obvious. Six people stand outside of a car that sits four. They ask
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us what we are doing, and where we are from. After we tell them that we
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are a group of people who met over a computer who get together once a month,
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they ask us why we are in the parking lot. Bender is distant from the rest
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of us, and isn't paying too much attention to what is going on. Absolute
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Angel tells the pigs that we are here to drop Bender off, and that someone
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is going to pick him up. The policemen holler for Bender's attention, and
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ask him whether or not we are dropping him off. He says no, and one cop
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gets out of the car, asking "What the fuck is going on here?". Erik Turbo
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turns his back to the cop, facing Bender and says, "Ben, remember.. you're
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parents are coming to pick you up here after we drop you off." Bender
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replies with an "Oh yeah...." Whether this was convincing or not, the
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police man asked Erik Turbo for his license and registration. To get the
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cops thinking about something else besides our obvious fuck up, Erik begins
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to tell them the tale of Chuck E. Cheese, and how we were kicked out. The
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cops denied that it was because of that that they were in the parking lot,
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although we all knew they were full of shit. The cops got back into their
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car, and left. We all breathed a sigh of relief. We could now continue
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our trashing plans.
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The cops still have not exited the parking lot, so Bender begins to walk
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with Absolute Angel and Culture Jammer so that our story seems truthful.
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Erik Turbo, Fizban, and I decide to hang out in front of Chuck E. Cheese
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until the trashers are done. Almost a mistake. The police car was also
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in front of Chuck E. Cheese's. We only had one choice, and that was to
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leave the parking lot.
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March 27, 1994 8:35 PM Behind the Chuck E. Cheese / Telco Shopping Center
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We have decided to resituate the car behind the shopping plaza in hope that
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Culture Jammer and the rest will catch a glimpse of us up on the hill above.
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We wait for fifteen minutes, and we decide to go after them and inform them
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of our location. Since the car could not make it down to the area that they
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were in, Fizban volunteered to go down there. Bad move. We shouldn't have
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even gone back trashing in the first place, never mind split ourselves up
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even more...
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March 27, 1994 8:55 PM Behind the Chuck E. Cheese / Telco Shopping Center
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Erik Turbo and I see the blazing of the blue and white lights. The officers
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have taken Fizban captive, as he is sitting in the back seat. They let him
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out, and all that I can let out of my mouth is an "Oh shit.." The cops seem
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a lot more bastardized now, as they both get out of their car with flash
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lights, kussing all sorts of things that *I* wouldn't even say to Dale Drew
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on IRC. They instruct Erik Turbo and I to leave the car, and tell Fizban
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and I to put our hands on the hood of their car. I guess I was a little bit
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slow to move, as one of the cops felt it neccesary to "push" me along.
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I am blasted with question after question about what we were doing, who
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we are, etc. etc. I answer "I don't know" to each one, with the final
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answer being "you have our complete attention and co-operation." This must
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have pissed them off, as they turn their attention to Erik Turbo's car -
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The most illegal car in the universe. Tons of stolen telco documents,
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equipment, bolt cutters, red boxes, calling cards... everything you have ever
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wanted to have in your room. Fortunately, Erik Turbo keeps them distracted,
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frequently acting very innocent and occasionally flashing them his license.
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Since they are not authorized to move anything around in the car, and they
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are too dumb to notice the stolen DEC manuals sitting in the back seat in
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plain view, we escape by the the skin of our teeth. They do however tell us
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that they are going after our "friends", and instruct us to stay precisely
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where we are.
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After the cops leave our view, I begin to throw stuff over the side of the
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hill next to the car. Everything that was illegal was thrown. This was
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probably not too bright, because if the cops decided to further investigate
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we could have been more screwed than if we kept it in our car. At least then,
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they couldn't legally move anything around to look for anything. However, it
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was a move that Erik Turbo, Fizban, and I all agreed to. Paranoia had us all
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by the balls.
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March 27, 1994 9:20 PM Behind the Chuck E. Cheese / Telco Shopping Center
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The cops come back, and they seem even more pissed than before. It appears
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that the story that they received from Bender, Absolute, and Culture Jammer
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(We were waiting for someone to pick Bender up) differed from the story they
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got from Fizban (I was looking for a place to take a piss.) They really
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have no clue as to what is going on, and are probably thinking the worst.
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Regardless, they really can't do anything except haul us in, and that would
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require a lot of paperwork that these guys look like they don't normally do.
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They instruct us to leave the town of Lowell immediately. They will follow
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us out to the town line, and we are to never come back. If we do, we will
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be arrested. Quoting one of the pigs, "If you guys come back for any of your
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asshole friends, we'll be right here.. we'll be sure you don't get as far as
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a fly on flypaper."
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After giving us vivid directions as to _how_ to get out of the town, we
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begin to drive. Keep in mind, that Erik Turbo is not from Lowell, and thus
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really doesn't know what to do. Fizban and him begin to argue about which
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turn to take, and Erik takes Fizzy's turn. Bad choice. Next thing we know,
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the sirens are on, the lights are blazing, and we are being pulled over.
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The cops most likely thought we were attempting a get away. In any case,
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we are held up for a good half an hour as they ask us for more information
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on ourselves, such as our names, licenses, social security numbers, phone
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numbers, etc. Fizzy was lucky. Erik Turbo got tagged, and so did I.
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Probably because I was the negro looking guy. Oh well. We see Bender,
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Culture Jammer, and Absolute Angel attempting to cross the street so that
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Bender can come home with us. The pigs don't let it happen and tell them
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to leave or they will be arrested.
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March 27, 1994 10:00 PM Fizban's House, Concord, Masssachusetts
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After getting our directions correct, we are escorted out of town, and we
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drop Fizban off at his house. We enter, and call up Absolute, Bender, and
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Culture Jammer voice, and data. Erik Turbo leaves the following message on
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Dementia Access:
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"We are at Fizban's house. Call us voice at 508/371-XxXx. We have until
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10:20 PM. I am Erik Turbo. He is Loxsmith. And we are out of here."
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March 27, 1994 10:20 PM Fizban's House
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We finally get a call from the trio that split with us. All three of them
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are not too happy about what happened, and the fact that Erik Turbo will be
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unable to bring Bender home with us. We argue for 10 minutes, and then we
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hang up. Erik Turbo and I leave Fizzy's house and take off for home.
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March 28, 1994 12:00 AM Loxsmith's House, New Bedford, Massachusetts
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I am home. The day has been long. I am tired. I have school tommorow.
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I am still going to type a text file on today. Right now, in a matter of
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fact...
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Epilogue:
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Erik Turbo, despite the cop's threats of arresting us all, went back at
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5:30 AM to pick up Bender. From what I hear, Absolute's dog and Bender had
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an interesting experience.
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I go on to be a nobody. I write text files and give up hacking to become
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an IRC'er. In fact, I become as worthless and resident as bwiz, C-Curve,
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and some of those other lifeless lamers.
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--
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Distribution Sites: Stealth 508/997-4982 VoD/ToB 508/998-2400
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We are looking for new distribution sites. If you are interested, contact us.
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