textfiles/magazines/WHATEVER/wr11.txt

-----ATTENTION PEOPLE WHO DOWNLOADED THIS 'ZINE-----

For what its worth, this is Whatever Ramblings #11.  Its real old
(Feb 92) but there's really nothing time-dated so that shouldn't
matter.  Unlike WR#12 or 13, this 'zine is without much bad
language and other potentially offensive SHIT.  Therefore, I will
spare the disclaimer (I hate them).  Let it be known that this has
been converted to ASCII from Wp 5.1 and may shows some signs of
weirdness.  Also, this is not spellchecked so if you run into an
error I may not be as stupid as you think.


If you want a print copy of this 'zine, send a buck (just postage)
to:

Whatever Ramblings
5 Greenview Avenue
Princeton, NJ  08540


Other issues of WR include interviews with Fugazi, Gwar, Ween and
others.  Lesser interviews (but still cool as fuck) include: 
Marcel (the worlds biggest skeptic), Marcel (the worlds best
gardener) and Jason (the worlds greatest skater).  Features have
included: More Beer Reviews (about 200), how to get a
boy/girlfriend, how to kill your parents (kidding, really), how to
be a pseudo-intellectual, how to be a rockstar, how to be a
zinemaker, and others.  Various travel crap includes three cross-
country trips (bus, car, plane).  Freight hopping stories,
motorcycle speeding stories, and details on places i've been in the
U.S. and Europe.

If any of the above sounds tantalizing to you, send me mail at:

swain@enigma.rider.edu

and specify (generally) what you're into.  I'll email it to you or
whatever method you prefer.

Other 'zines
------------
I do the following 'zines: Whatever Ramblings, The Void (not to be
confused with merely "void", and The Weekly Something or Rather. 
The last two come out once in a blue moon.  Email me for them or
accidentally run into them somewhere on the Net.

Telegraph Avenue Street Music
-----------------------------
A CD/Zine I produced and recorded along with Ace Backwords (super
famous comic artist) and Gannon Abbey (not famous but cool anyway). 
It has 22 bands on it from the Berkeley area mostly covering the
street music scene there.  Its a benefit for the homeless and its
available through most stores (like, small ones) or you can send
$15 to:

Twisted Image Records
2016 University Ave. Suite 26
Berkeley, CA  94704.

(This is also the address to mail for any issue of WR past #12)


Enough musing, on with the show.



----- WHATEVER RAMBLINGS #11 -----



This one goes out to...

"Uh, yeah.  I don't smoke none of that, no way man.  And yeah man, there's no sex in my lyrics.  Understand
Mark?  Oh yeah, Tim."  
-- John Gall

"Shut up asshole.  Fuck your Primus shit. Aaaaahhhahahh!!! Shut the fuck up about PRIMUS
already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-- Mike Lupica

"Dude, have a party.  Come on asshole, have a party!  Why not?  Sorry, I can't make it though..."
-- Mike Otrok

"Hahahah! Yeah, uh, fuck you! Hahahahahah! Your mom!!!! Hahahahah!  MTV? Yeah! Fuck you! Hahahahahahah"
-- Marcel Palinkas

"Yeah Alex, cut your hair.. Teenagers....Teenagers are...Teenagers always...Teenagers....More Teenagers...Grow
up!  Teenagers....Teenagers....Teenagers...Teenagers...Yeah, and Teenagers...get a job...get a life...oh god,
Teenagers..."
-- Alex's Dad

"I'm scared of that! That's so white trash! Oh gaaawd I'm getting sick!  Vodka Jello...woooooow!!!"
-- Rusty Conklin


7 Definitions that didn't make it into the Webster's Dictionary:


LOVE: (adj): 1. Pizza and beer 2. Mushy stuff that looks good in porno magazines 3. 4 letters, two of those
being vowels.

HATE: (adj): 1. See "1977" 2. A word used in songs when Mike Lupica writes about Primus. 3. A word used in every
Misfits song recorded.  4. Something totally unrighteous and flat out unpositive by everyday boring social
standards.

JOCK: (noun): 1. A hand-held video game.  2. a big tennis court with no net.  3.  A late night tv show on ESPN.

33: (unknown): 1. Two identical numbers. 2. A japanese satanist cult in jamaica that uses Nintendo joysticks
to fight.  3. The amount of psychologists that think that "punk" is something you use to light fireworks.

CAPTAIN CRUNCH: (noun): 1. A cartoon character produced by an acid freak from Minnesota 2. Once known as CAPTAIN
KRISHNA 3. Aka: John Draper.  A computer hacker that blew a whistle into a phone, thus exploding, and then he
died.

PRIMUS: (sacred): 1. A band that could have possibly had a say in George Bush's election. 2. Someone who talks
too fast.  3. Filler when you can't think of a word. Ie: What's that guys name? Primus Primus Primus Primus,
uh Fred, that's it.

WHATEVER RAMBLINGS: (noun): 1. Pieces of paper full of stupid shit that people actually buy.  2. Two words that
make no sense when put together. 3. Something to read while you're on the toilet.  4. Something you use when
you're done using the toilet.




An interview with Primus (if they were seriously retarded): 

Alex: Les, how fast can you talk?
Les: Well....wkerutyrwouthrasoufhasdofhsadfosduafhoasudghdasfls
kfasdlfkjasdflasdkjfdsasometimslsdakjflsakjffaster depends.
Larry: Ummmmmmm...Uhhhhhhhh....Leeees cannn t-t-t-talk fffffast.  I lllliiike tthe gggggreaaatfulll dddeaaaddd
maaaaaaan.
Alex: Larry, you're a good guitarist
Larry: Uhhhhhhhh-huuuuuhhhh..
Herb: I have a bigger drumset than Neil Pert.  I have 48 ice bells and 8 snares!  One sounds like a car..it goes
(pbbbbbbbbbbt)!!!
Alex: That's cool...But one at a time ok?  I can't keep up...
Les: Pagenrblaberflaberbabertifnopaber and your mom.
(translation: Pagenrblaberflaberbabertifnopaber and your mom.)
Larry: Waaaannnaaaa S-s-s-seee myy f-f-f-fingers?
Alex: How long have you been playing bass, Les?
 
Les: Itwasuh...yabertifaglobulunanaberAmericccanLife
blabersbaertoothcheesuburFish On.
Herb: My drums cost a real lot!  And Neil Pert sucks too!
Larry: I thiiink my finggggersss huuurttt, rrrriiigghhttt Herrrrrb?
Herb: Sure thing Hippy.
Alex: Where did you get your name from?
Les:piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiibluffsnarfkotyomonguhbsatington
guuuhwillobbby..bufffblabersnuffaluffagussprab
Alex: Listen guys, PRIMUS is a really rad band, but you make no fucking sense.  Whaddya say we end this up?
(Les, Larry, and Herb: phlubpottomtom!
Alex: Ok, any final words?
Les: Phlaberwingerandwaperbingerwoooooooowshotupnops
anpablobaysnarfajaberiopolonarkintensteif.
Larry: Hhhhemp Jerrrrrry!!
Herb: I use celery for drumsticks.  I use peanut butter to keep the celery in my hands.

Keep a gun handy, your editor will be beaten up by Primus thugs any day now, and it's your job to save him.






A SHOW REVIEW
(if the world was actually a cartoon)

Primus, U2, Green Day and Minor Threat
at Gilman Street - February 8, 1992

I know you're saying, "not another stupid show with no-name bands", but this one was quite interesting. 
Everyone from the Local 427 showed up tonight in their Teamster fatigues, even Mr. Trump was there!  Anyway,
Primus opened AGAIN and were pretty bland.  The last time they opened everyone went to McDonalds to eat
while they were playing.  This time, a few people stood around and passed a joint while Ben Weasel was
telling everyone they suck.  Primus finally left the stage after Ian Mackaye started crying.  Then came U2 -
Pretty stupid band man...They came all the way from Ireland to play this show, and boy what a waste!  They
played a few songs and then some guy from this band "Negativland" got on stage and started kicking the lead 

A BULLSHIT SHOW REVIEW-  CONTINUED-

singer in the shins....Very entertaining!  The drummer just got up and walked away singing Elvis tunes,
while the rest simply had to leave from all rocks that were hitting them.  I even heard that some evil skins
beat them up again!!! real bad too!!!  Anyway, Green Day are some band that have been around forever. 
They're from the Berkeley area, but I've never heard of them!?!!  They played a cool song; it went something
like "we are so alone, girls girls love boyfriend we are so alone girls girls girls.."  Pretty neat stuff,
but it left me kind of teary-eyed and depressed.  So they kind of oozed off the stage while everyone was
sleeping.  But sure enough, Minor Threat was here to save the day this particular night!!  When they got on
stage....boy was I hot and bothered!  There was a guy drinking SUGAR SODA!!!  And he was chewing SUGAR GUM!! 
And he was wearing BOOTS!!! I swear!!  This world, geez...Anyway, from what I heard, Ian (the singer) got in
some kind of boating accident near San Pablo bay, and he was singing everything backwards!  What a trip!! 
They started with "out of step" but it sounded more like "drink milk it pays!" it was still cool tho', cause
it was still a positive message.  Anyway, Minor Threat ended after Ian started crying after being shocked by
the microphone (some evil skinhead probably rigged that one!!), and that was it!  Pretty Decent show!  The
first three bands were pretty weak, but i'd pay two bucks to see Minor Threat anytime!  Well, until next
time!!



TOP TEN FOODS AS COMPILED BY ALEX

1. Del Taco Soft Taco (69 cents)
2. Big Mac
3. Egg Nog (it's thick enough to be considered a food)
4. Spaghetti with shitloads of cheese and butter
5. Artichokes with tons of extra sharp cheese
6. Homemade Chili with tons of extra sharp cheese
7. Cracker Barrel extra sharp cheese (white)
8. Hoagie Haven cheesesteaks with bacon
9. 7-11 Big Bite Hot dog with tons of chili, cheese and onions
10. Any vegetable with tons of extra sharp cheese (except beets)

VEGATRENDYANISM

Things are great these days...Gas is really cheap, cigarettes are less than two dollars, and the
straightedge trend is dying.  I was just thinking about how people try to influence others, and how far
people will go to convince people of things.  For example, VEGETARIANISM.  Along with straightedge, wallets
with seemingly useless chains, and president Bush, vegetarianism is simply a trend.  However, this is one of
the hardest ones to prove, because there are so many bullshit reasons why.  The stories I hear why people
have converted are ridiculous!  Such as "It's murder!  We're killing all the animals just so we can eat!" 
Why do you think animals were created?  To cut the grass before lawnmowers were invented?  To shit all over
the ground?  I don't think so.  If cows and chickens and whatever were becoming EXTINCT because we were
eating them, then i'd understand the argument, but that's simply not true.  Meat is part of the four food
groups.  Man was eating meat before vegetables!  And another thing, meat is fucking delicious!  I think alot
of people jumped on the vegetarianism band wagon simply because it seemed like a cool thing to do. 
Something new wave, something to shock their friends.  Some people think you're evil if you eat meat, some
people think you're not cool if you eat meat, all kinds of stupid propaganda bullshit like that.  Now, if a
person doesn't eat meat because they truly don't ENJOY it, that's totally cool (word to your mother!), to
each his/her own.  Or maybe because imagining eating a living animal is just waaaay to wacky for you, then
fine.  I hear that the main reason for people becoming vegetarians is because the animals are (supposively)
being treated badly, malnourished, and flatout being raised like shit.  This is a relatively valid excuse,
but not likely true.  If animals are being abused, then they would most likely be useless to anyone.  The
farmers that raise animals to be milked or slaughtered would be idiots to treat them badly.  Remember, these
VEGATRENDYANISM - CONTINUED-

farmers make a living from doing this, so why would they screw themselves by neglecting their animals? 
There are few valid reasons (other than religious ones) that are understandable. Simply because it's
politically correct, or because you think it's healthier, or even because you think eating meat is ruining
the world is not a valid excuse no matter what.  I challenge anyone out there that is reading this:  If you
can prove that we are killing off the animal population due to eating meat (never to see it return), or that
eating meat is physically harmful to you, or that eating meat is murder (in a court of law), then write me a
letter, and in the next issue I'll apologize like you won't believe, and i'll become a vegetarian. I hope I
don't sound too much of a shithead, I just can't see any reasoning behind vegetarianism other than it's a
trend, that will hopefully die just like straightedge, and we'll all go have a hamburger together and
celebrate.  And furthermore, VEGANISM is simply retarded.
(I promise no more pissed off commentaries like this for at least a few more issues.)


Scott and Christine (part 1)

All alone, once again in my basement.  The stupid Nirvana tape is driving me crazy.  I like being alone
because it gives me time push my hands real hard onto my eyeballs and see the stars and patterns that
appear.  My cat Jeffrey always comes down here to the basement and sits on my lap.  Friday nights alone are
really cool for me.  Christine (my girlfriend) is here next to me.  She hates it when I write when we're
together.  I always ignore her, and she takes it personal.  She never understands anything I do.  Jeffrey
doesn't like her much, and claws her everytime she kisses me.  She hates my cat and sometimes hurts him.  I
get upset, but I know that Jeffrey can defend himself.  I go to art school in New York, and Christine goes
Wilder school of music in Florida.  You probably don't care though, but I thought I'd tell you because this
is a story.  The problem with Christine is that she is too beautiful for her own good.  I don't get jealous
or worried because she loves me more than anything in the world.  She sold her car to come to Europe with me
last year.  Living in a basement has it's disadvantages, but it is very quiet and I can think here.  Her
family is very rich, they own four Volkswagon dealerships across the country.  My family, however, is very
poor.  She likes coming to my house because it so run-down.  She says there's more things to look at, and
it's more interesting.  I get embarassed when she takes me out to expensive restaurants.  The first time we
went out to a restaurant, they wouldn't let me in because I had no tie, and I was wearing jeans.  The day
after she spent about two thousand dollars on me.  She bought me two suits, shoes, ties, the whole deal.  I
still feel poor in those clothes, because I didn't earn them.  If it wasn't for her, I'd have to be rich to
buy all those clothes.  Anyway, she wants to go to bed now, so I have to go.  But my story isn't over
yet...I'll be back in the next issue of my friend Alex's magazine, he always gives me room to express
myself...what a guy.  end.

















Whatever Ramblings #11 (2-10-92 4:15am)

Hey, what's up?  I'm in a really good mood right now, so maybe i'll write something positive and happy this
time around.  Well, as I write this I am still in the process of selling issue number ten to the public. 
And for the first time I am actually making MONEY!  Also they're selling quicker.  It could be my salesman's
approach "buy this magazine, and i'll leave" or it could be because it's worth reading even!!! (probably not
though...)  Things always work out if you are persistent enough.  Also, I keep getting bitched out about
using too many [expletives]!  What the fuck?  I might tone down on them a little, only assuming that I can
find words that have more than two syllables that an upper class British person might say.  Also, i'll never
go back on my word, I PROMISE.  I write my ramblings as fast as I can type them, and I never change anything
except what was grammatically incorrect.  Anyway, I would just like to thank everyone that has been sending
me mail.  I've been getting alot of letters with more than just a dollar and a note saying "send me your
'zine". letters of criticism, bad, good, downright evil, all kinds, and it's great.  The best one I got was
completely anonymous and mean.  There was no name, no return address, just a postmark from Michigan.  It
reads:

Whatever Ramblings - Alex:

I sent away for your so-called "'zine" after I read about it in Factsheet 5.  You mailed it to me about six
months late, and it's a waste of fucking paper asshole!  Who made you god of writing?  How can you honestly
think people give a shit about your life?  All you are is another conceited teenager looking for attention! 
How bland and boring can you be?  Your vague attempts to use humor only fail to make you look like a bad
comedian.  I can't believe how inflated your ego is!  Enclosed you will find the remains of your shit
magazine.

And there you have it!  Along with his/her letter was a finely burnt copy of what I (think) was Whatever
Ramblings #9.  I must say, this letter didn't quite make me jump for joy.  I did some thinking about it, and
have a response (assuming this person comes across another copy):

My 'zine is so-called "Whatever Ramblings".  It was reviewed in Factsheet 5, I mailed it six months late,
therefore, I suck for that.  It's not really a waste of paper because he/she burned the copy which created
heat.  I wasn't aware of being dubbed the "god of writing", but whomever said that, thanks.  I can in no way
honestly think ALL people give a shit about my life.  This 'zine is to simply prove to the public that
teenagers are smarter than they think.  All teenagers want attention, including me.  I am conceited in some
ways, but writing is definitely NOT one of them.  My "vague attempts to use humor" are not important. 
What's important is that I tell stupid jokes and talk about stupid things that I think is funny.  All
teenagers have egos, but I prefer to call it Personal Mental Support.  And it was dumb for the author of
that letter to send the ashes back because he/she had to pay more for postage.

Not all letters were negative, although alot were, that's fine.  I asked people to criticise me, and that's
what went down.  

Anyway, so let's see what's up with this world these days...It's still cold here in New Jersey, and it's
really starting to bore me.  Cold weather gets on my nerves...President Bush will NOT get re-elected. 
Anyway, what ever happened to Democrat presidents?  Rumor has it that Lollapalooza #2 will feature Nirvana,
Primus, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Jane's Addiction, Ice-T, and Rollins.  I don't believe it for a second.  The
greenhouse effect, oil spills, and starvation were invented just to give the organization GREENPEACE
something to do.  Long hair is out, dirty jeans are in.  The new wave of short-haired anarchists will be
taking over soon.  Staying up late is really fun when you don't have a job.  Major labels are signing bands
from Seattle simply because that's where they're from (thanks Nirvana).  My friend Mike Lupica is starting a
band called Diaper and they need a drummer, so you better do something about it.  I am selling the 4-song
recording my band "Glendale" made in California for $3.00 ppd.  It was recorded on a 16-track, so it doesn't
sound like shit, and you should buy it because i'm really poor, and because no label has enough time to
listen to it (thanks Nirvana).  Primus is coming out with a new album, and they don't even know it yet.  I'm
WHATEVER RAMBLINGS - CONTINUED (it's almost over..)

taking a super huge roadtrip across the whole country pretty soon.  Also i'm going to Mardi Gras if anyone
wants to meet me there.  I've also redefined the word "hate" to "creative inspiration", jot it down. 
Speaking of creative inspiration, i'd like to take up some room listing the people that inspire me to do
this 'zine --  (in no particular order) 

Shannon Mcgee   Mike Lupica           Jason Rotunno  John Gall      
Mike Otrok      Mike Estok            Pablo Samuel   Dad    
Mom             Craig Yarnold         Mike Gunderloy Jim Testa
Eric Szantai    Authority             Mike Fabian    Marcel Palinkas
Mike Ramsey     Jeanine Maddox        Ben Weasel     Marc Leckington

And there's a bunch more too, but why thank everyone?  They know who they are!  Anyway, as the clock
approaches 5:15am, I must stop now and catch some sleep.  I hope you enjoyed these ramblings as much as I
did.  Thank god for Freedom of Speech, or i'd be dead right now.

Alex Swain





NOTHING LIKE POETRY

(Another excuse to use big words)

Stretched Beyond                                    

Stormed out, without a word.
I am left, wondering why.
The thump of the drum.
The life of alcohol,
twisting emotions, bending fumes.
Being chased I can't escape.
Can never say what I want, and
you know, you know.  You know, 
passive freak, naive indeed.  
Shock value means nothing.

Late-Night Disposition

Patching the wounds,
as they reel on by.  Mixing
thoughts being dubbed as perfection.
Loopback of insanity, equalizing a
form of command; terse.  Everything
gone haywire.  Reverberation into
feedback, muffled sounds from a man.
Musical notes fly onto magnetic film.
the fly gets stuck, becomes sound.  Yet
another mixdown.





Weird things to do to your body when you're BORED:

1. Dye your hair - you can get just about any color there is, and you can mix them too.  Not just the hair
on your head, but your leg hair, pubic hair, arm hair, and I guess you could dye your beard and mustache if
you wanted to.  It's nice and fun, and it'll really shock your friends.

2. Pierce your body - Any stupid rich preppy kid can pierce his/her ear, but how about the tongue, nose,
naval, eyelid, and genetalia?  They deserve to be recognized!  Make sure you have a professional do it. 
Piercing ears can be done at home with ice and a sharp needle, but I wouldn't recommend doing other places
yourself.  And if you don't like it, you just take the earring out and it will heal in two weeks or so.

3. Shave yourself - Girls shave their legs, why can't guys?  I shaved mine last night and it feels great! 
Shave your chest!  Why not?  Do you really need that hair?  Shave it all off!  What about the eyebrows? 
Eyebrows are stupid!  Of course, if you shave all your hair, then you can't dye it, but it'll grow back! 
Infact, I think i'll shave my knuckles now!

4. Wear your clothes backwards.  Flip your jeans inside out, buttom them on the inside.  Wear
shirts/sweaters/jackets backwards.  Wear your socks backwards, your watch backwards, your tie, your
underwear, go nuts!  Then go to your friends and when they ask you why you're so weird, give them a speech
about how you're protesting comfortable clothes.  You can also think of some really deep and metaphorical
theory to impress your friends. Cool!

5. Get a tattoo!  Hey, bikers do it, why can't you?  Put it someplace really bizarre, like on your nose! 
They're kind of expensive, but hey, that's a small price to pay for something that'll never wash off and
will impress the ladies!  I'm poor, so if I get a tattoo, it'll be another freckle on my arm.  So realistic! 
Yet so cool and surreal!

(Next issue: How to piss off your family when you're bored)












          










          "A Musical concert with several different acts playing"
SHOW REVIEWS

Primus and Fishbone @ Hollywood Palladium (12-15-91)
$26.00 per ticket

One of the few shows that I saw when I was in California was this one.  Being the most i've ever paid for a
show in my life, I was hoping it was also the best show.  Rule #1:Never drive on Route-101 during rush hour. 
Finally I got there, and the line was now about a thousand feet long.  After a half hour of waiting, before
being offered every drug known to man, and about ten different bootleg Primus t-shirts, I was finally in. 
The Palladium is a very big place.  Probably the biggest indoor music hall i've ever been to.  Regardless,
this sold out show had produced 5,000 of California's finest in one place.  In the middle of the stage was
probably the biggest drumset anyone would want or need.  As it's protective covering was pulled off five
minutes prior, people clapped and screamed like the drumset WAS Primus.  Neil Pert only wishes he had a set
like this.  Anyway, they finally started playing and this once just PACKED arena turned into one big
moshpit; literally.  Primus played many songs including alot of new ones i've never heard before.  I almost
can't remember anything from being thrown around so much.  I managed to secure a place up front, holding on
to the security railing as hard as I could.  They played Tommy the Cat off their new one, Sailing the Seas
of Cheese, and the guitarist from Fishbone came out and played lead.  Pretty neat...Their set was about two
hours long, of which I spent an hour simply watching the drummer (we're talking adleast a twenty piece
drumset with over twenty cymbals, two snares, two high-hats, double-pedals, rototoms, ice bells, everything! 
So crazy!) who totally ruled.  Les was flibbeling away at his bass, Larry was going berzerk on guitar,
simply the best.  This all finally came to an end and I then went to nourish my wounds and thirst.  Even saw
Weird Al Yankovic there!  Too cool!  Then came Fishbone -- Well, I don't like Fishbone except two songs:
Party at ground zero and Everyday sunshine.  Completely sloppy and unrehearsed (unlike Primus).  They get
people all jumpy and excited, but they might as well just not play music and jump around.  I would have to
say that Primus was worth the $26.00 alone.  Shit, I remember when they played Trenton for $10.00!  MTV
sucks!


























RECORD REVIEWS

Green Day - Kerplunk LP

Once again Green Day puts out another musical masterpiece.  As a successor to their first album "39-smooth"
this thing seriously kicks ass compared to their first.  Green Day are one of those bands that just get
better and better.  Green Day are best described as "love-punk".  Every song has something to do with girls
or relationships.  They manage to add a nice edge with a thick sounding guitar, a happy sounding bass, and
nicely tight;mixed drums.  The vocals are what makes Green Day so unique.  Uncomparable to any band I can
think of.  Unique, happy, sad, and very diverse.  Put together in a happy, no frills LP that'll make you
smile and think of ex-girl/boyfriends.  Great summer music.


Nirvana - Nevermind CD

Well shit, everyone and their mother has reviewed/interviewed/publicized/whatevered Nirvana, so what else
can I say?  This is a great release.  If you haven't heard it, you'll love it.  "Smells like Teen Spirit" is
probably the worst track on the whole album.  Their first one "Bleach" is harder and more talented, check
that one out if you can't stand liking what everyone else likes.


Gnarly Crankcalls on tape (Geffen Records?)

This particular tape i'm talking about has probably already made it's way to your neighborhood, but in case
it hasn't yet.  About 70 minutes of the funniest crank calls i've ever heard.  Mind you, this isn't heavy
breathing or screaming.  These are what I believe are very organized calls that are planned out beforehand. 
The tape includes the pranksters calling pizza places and claiming they got incredibly sick from eating
their pizza.  "My whole family is fucking sick!  They're throwing up and dying!" which the pizza place
responds by apoligizing and offering coupons.  The pranksters keep screaming "Shut the fuck up!  My whole
family is dying!  Shut the fuck up!  Fuck you!"  There's a lot more that are seriously gutwretchingly funny. 
I don't know how this tape got out, but it's damn funny.  Rumor has it that the two pranksters are vice
presidents of Geffen Records that were bored.  It sounds terrible from being copied so many times, so I put
some effort into fixing it up.  If you want a copy, send a tape and a buck for postage and it's yours.
 




















The Reality of Possibility -
   
   As I stare down my street, I see nothing but destruction.  Infact, destruction isn't the word.  There is
nothing left but streets and sidewalks, which are covered with a thick coating of carbon and fine red dust.
As I look into the damaged sky, I see floating debris.  I have to squint my eyes to avoid all the crap in
the air.  Definitely a depressing sight to see nothing but melting metal and charred bones.  Someone wrote
into the sidewalk a peace sign one day, I look upon it as only a dream.  I remember warm summer days looking
at big healthy trees with dark green leaves.  I remember during the winter looking at dead, lifeless trees. 
Now there are no trees.  

   This morning I woke up sick.  My shades were open, but there was a thick black coating on my window.  My
room was pitch dark at 10am.  The concert flyers I had taped to my wall had all fallen to the floor. Yet
another lucid dream I thought, and closed my eyes to sleep again.  Minutes later an awful pain came from my
chest, a burning pain, unlike anything i've ever felt.  I arose quickly and examined my chest.  What I then
saw was not a dream, but reality.  I opened the door to my room and made my way to my parents bedroom.  I
opened the door to find my Mom, Dad, and our cat Fellini dead.  Emotions were beyond me to express.  

   They were making love, smiles on their faces, frozen in nuclear animation.  I stand in front of my whole
family stunned.  I fall back into the rocking chair.  It doesn't rock anymore, there's too much debris on
the floor.  The clock sticks at 7:16.  The red roses have fallen down, lifeless and meaningless.  I wander
in a absent step back to my room.  I fall asleep and awaken hours later. 

   As I stare down my street I see hate.  The heat burns the skin from my chest.  Why must I exist to
suffer?  A tear flows from my burning eye and evaporates before it reaches my cheek.  WHY MUST I EXIST TO
SUFFER? Surveying my last day to live, age 19 and it's over.  I walk as much as I can.  I must experience
this hate.  I can't describe what I see to you.  I blankly stare at the ground deeply stuck in emotion. 
Strands of hair gracefully fly to the ground.  Something to remember me by.  Street signs blow down the road
like feathers.  Collars of housepets smoldering in the gutter.  Instantaneous museum of natural history. 
Everything happens for a reason is a bullshit excuse to gamble with humanity.  My mind becomes cluttered and
confused, I can't tell you more, I must move on with the rest.  I lay on the sidewalk, my body is burning. 
It hurts so incredibly much.  The peace sign engraved into the sidewalk, yet a man's dream.  I have to
sleep, I have to sle....


Note: If you haven't already noticed, i'm using a new typesize for this
magazine.  By using this size, I can double the content by 50%  This means it
will take you longer to read this (sorry).  This is the print i'm talking about.  It's
tolerable wouldn't you say?  I suppose older people will have to try a little harder, but that serves as a
good way to screen my readers don't you think?  Okay, well keep on reading, maybe it'll make you happier,
who knows?














Signs that a relationship is turning sour:

1. Having sex because you have nothing to talk about.
2. Going to alot of movies.
3. Hanging up when you have call waiting, even if it's
 a 6th grader begging you to subscribe to Ranger Rick.
4. Humming "beat it" by Michael Jackson during sex.
5. Working 168 hours a week.
6. Eating alot of foods with garlic and onions to avoid kissing.
7. Slowly taking back things you loaned to your boy/girlfriend.
8. A girl/guy records your answering machine message.
9. When the words "just friends" are mentioned at ANY time.
10. When "love" is no longer a word to describe emotion.





Whatever Ramblings QUESTIONARE:
(Mail in your response to Whatever Ramblings by 5/1/92)
(Results will appear in the June 1992 issue)

1. Are you a (M)ale or (F)emale?
2. Are you a teenager?  If not, stage age.
3. Favorite place to see shows:
4. Favorite place to eat food:
5. What's better? Coke or Pepsi?
6. If you were a potato, would you be MASHED, BOILED, FRIED, or BAKED?
7. Are you a vegetarian?
8. Would you buy this 'zine again?
9. What state do you live in?
10. What does PSE&G mean to you?
11. Do you smoke?  If not, why?
12. Favorite coffee hangout:
13. Best FUCKIN' song ever:
14. How many hours are there in a week? (7 days)
15. How many pennies would it take to fill up a 16oz Snapple bottle?
16. Worst thing about a relationship:
17. The person you most want to pork (without emotional responbility the morning after)
18. If you were given ten bucks, would you pork the editor of this magazine?
19. Describe life in two words:
20. What's your phone number?

The Whatever Ramblings BEER reviews are now here!  After years of careful research, my
team of knowledgable and disrespfectful alcoholics have compiled what now follows....The puking factor is
based upon the chances of vomiting after drinking approximately 72 ounces of beer, and one bottle of wine. 
1 = Non-existent whereas 10 or above means you'll be in the bathroom all night.  Any PF listen above 10
translates to personal hate for the beer.
NOTE: You must be 21 to legally drink beer in the country, but laws were made to be broken.

Board of taste-testers:
MO- Mike Otrok  ML- Mike Lupica  MR- Mike Ramsey  JG- John Gall  AS- Alex Swain
JR- Jason Rotunno

Popular American Beers:  

[Rolling Rock]:  Simply the best beer for the money.  At $3.50 a 6-pack, you can't go wrong.  It has a great
taste that grows on you, and it means alot (look through the bottle at the back of the label and you'll know
what I mean.)  After a 12-pack in me, I become a bit ill, but a 6-pack is absoulutely tolerable.  PUKING
FACTOR:1 - AS
[Rolling Rock LIGHT]: Almost the same as Rolling Rock, just more watered down.  It's possible to lay down a
12-pack and just be buzzed.  It's also less filling.  Good if you need to maintain an appetite.
[Miller Lite]: Piss in a can.  This shit is so damn weak.  Worse than Budweiser.  Completely over-
advertised.  "Less Filling" they say.  That's because WATER isn't fattening.  PUKING FACTOR:1 - AS
[Coors]: Don't buy it because they back the PMRC with monetary support.  Slightly better than Budweiser but
not much.  - PUKING FACTOR:57 - MR
[Coors Light]: Coors light is not even reviewable because it's downright NAZI beer.  It's sole supporters is
the football team at your high school - PUKING FACTOR:20 - JG
[Budweiser]: Salty sour aftertaste, and a general sour taste.  Get's flat in less than a minute.  Especially
nasty in cans.  It doesn't get better the drunker you get, it gets worse.  PUKING FACTOR:60 - MR
[Budweiser Light]: Budweiser for fat people.  PUKING FACTOR:40 - AS
[Michelob]: A decent taste, pretty good for the money.  It's a pretty good alternative to imported beer. 
PUKING FACTOR:5 - MR
[Michelob Light]: It makes me want to retch.  PUKING FACTOR:10 - AS
[Busch]: Here's something for you poor people who want to get drunk.  If you have to deal with Busch, buy it
in a bottle.  It'll make the taste somewhat bearable.  Beer Goggles are the rule - PUKING FACTOR:10 - JG 
[Huber]: Seriously, there is really a beer called HUBER.  I had it in Wisconsin when visiting.  It's really 
good and between $8.00 and $10.00 a case - PUKING FACTOR:5 - AS
[Olympia]: Cheap and nasty.  I'd rather buy Busch Light.  PUKING FACTOR:7 - JR

Imported Beers:

[Yuengling Amber]: PunkRock beer that Jason Corwin got me into drinking.  Cheap, tolerable, and really not
that bad.  Too good to be in the popular beer section, although not imported.  PUKING FACTOR:1 - AS
[Yuengling Porter]: Similiar to the above but stronger.  It has that DARK beer taste, and it's very
inexpensive.  PUKING FACTOR:3 - AS
[Hacker Pschorr OKTOBERFEST]: The first imported beer I ever drank.  A perfect beer lovers companion. 
Strong, yet peaceful.  Tastes alot like nuts (walnuts/almonds).  Relatively dark, yet not filling.  PUKING
FACTOR:3 - AS
[Foster's Lager]: If you have the money, then Foster's is for you.  It won't leave you puking in the gutter
like other beers, and it's great for shows at ABC No-Rio - PUKING FACTOR:1 - JG
[Sam Adams]: Absolutely the best beer to eat dinner with.  Rich, but not filling, and a pleasant aftertaste. 
the best import for the money (about $5.00 a 6-pack).  PUKING FACTOR:2 - AS
[Harp Lager]: Good Stuff.  Crisp, nice flavor $6.00 a pack.  PUKING FACTOR:4 - MO
[Sam Adams DARK]: It exists, but none of us has ever had it.

BEER TASTETESTS- CONTINUED-


[Bass Ale]: The classic ale.  Smooth, full bodied flavor and that famous red color. PUKING FACTOR:5 - MO
[K.B. Lager]: $2.15 an oilcan.  Really really good.  Nice flavor, compares to Heineken in characteristics. 
PUKING FACTOR:2 - JG
[Becks]:  Pretty good beer.  A medium quality overcommercialized beer.  PUKING FACTOR:5 - AS
[Corona]: The dreaded yuppie beer.  Actually not that bad.  Clean and crisp, great on a hot summer day.  No
lime wedges please!  PUKING FACTOR:4 - MO
[Primus]: Seriously, there is a beer called PRIMUS, and it rules.  Small bigmouth bottles and kind of
expensive but it rules just the same.  I had it warm and it was so good.  Besides, just the fact that it's
called PRIMUS makes it good - PUKING FACTOR:2 - JG  It has been rumored that Les Claypool personally blesses
every bottle.  
[Heineken]:  Heineken has a very bitter taste seeing that it isn't dark beer.  Heineken is only by a long
shot imported, and it IS rather pricey.  The taste grows on you, but when this happens, you don't want to
drink other beers (psychological beermaking in full-force).  PUKING FACTOR:7 - AS
[Dos Equis]: Decent beer mediocre quality, pretty good taste.  Tastes like a cross between Mexican and
Canadian beer.  Not much to rave about- PUKING FACTOR:3.5 - MR
[Sapporo]: A fine Japanese beer that goes down a bit harsh, but is in general a decent beer.  Tastes
remarkably good with food.  Single cans go for about $1.50- PUKING FACTOR:2 - AS
[Moosehead]: Next to Heineken it's one of my favorite beers.  It doesn't leave a nasty aftertaste, goes down
clean, great summer beer!  $5.50 a 6-pack.  Definitely an enjoyable change.  PUKING FACTOR:4.5 - JR
[Xingu Black Beer]: A thick malty beer from the Amazon.  Very heavy, low carbonation, coffee-like stuff. 
PUKING FACTOR:9 - MO
[St. Ambroise]: A beer introduced to me by my friend Bruce, the crazy bike racer/hockey player.  From
Quebec.  A small brewery, recently expanding distribution in the U.S. A very good beer (if you can find it) 
PUKING FACTOR:4 - MO
[Lindemans Peche Lambic]: Yes, a peach beer.  Fermented with fresh peaches - yum.  Kind of sweet.  Damn good
stuff.  At $5.00 a bottle, you'll learn to appreciate it.  PUKING FACTOR:8 - MO (but who can afford $30.00 a
6-pack anyway?)
[Samuel Smith PALE ALE]: Good but pricey, nothing special.  $12.00 a 6-pack.  PUKING FACTOR:5 - MO
[Samuel Smith oatmeal stout]: Definitely a dark and delicious beer.  Strong and very tasty.  Goes down
smooth considering- PUKING FACTOR:7 - AS
[Molson Canadian]: A million times better than just plain MOLSON.  Nice tasting, no frills beer.  Great for
summer barbeques.  I'd still rather have a Rolling Rock- PUKING FACTOR:4 - AS
[Molson Golden]: Good taste, goes down easy.  It's not very filling.  No nasty aftertaste.  You still be
alive the next morning.  PUKING FACTOR:5 - JR
[Hacker Pschorr PILSNER]: Yum Yum, this makes my tummy happy.  Dead like Oktoberfest, but a bit easier to
drink in large quantities.  PUKING FACTOR:2 - AS


40 Oz'ers (puking factors are based on a total consumption of 80oz)

[St Ides.]: Marcel likes it, and I don't know why.  It's the sweetest malt liquor anyone can imagine.  It
simply tastes terrible, but it'll get you drunk.  PUKING FACTOR:70
[Colt 45]: Packs an evil punch this malt-liquor.  If anything, you drink Colt-45 to get drunk, not to enjoy
fine malt beer.  This is what inspired the "puking factor" ratings.  PUKING FACTOR:100 - AS
[Budweiser]:  $1.40 a 40oz'er, sometimes more.  Equal to normal 12oz bottles except there's more of it. 
PUKING FACTOR:60 - AS
[Ballantine]: Way different than most beers.  Has a sharp taste.  Not the best, but definitely not the
worst.  Really good deal for the price.  It kicks in real fast, good if you just want to get drunk.  It's
not a malt liquor though.  Not for pregnant women or children.   It has riddles under the bottlecaps to make
you laugh and ponder the meaning of life.  PUKING FACTOR:4 - MR
[Red Bull]: Malt liquor with a low pricetag and a tolerable taste.  Unlike St. Ides, you can get drunk off 

BEER TASTETESTS- CONTINUED-

of this and still see tomorrow.  PUKING FACTOR:6 - AS
[Olde English]: My favorite malt-liquor.  Goes down easy, better tasting than other malt-liquors.  Cheap and
get's you drunk, just what it should do.  PUKING FACTOR:8 - JR

Premium Wine (Puking factors are rated from 1-5.  5 being instantaneous
chucking.

[Bolla Valpolicella]: I'm not a Bolla man - and I never have been, but this is probably the best of their
lot.  TAKE NOTE: 12% alcohol equals a drunk punk (in my case anyway).  But sure to apply all that shit you
learned in driver's ed about weight and speed of consumption, etc.  The label on the bottle gives a big song
and dance about how early civilizations praise this stuff.  I'm sure the Roman's were constantly running to
Joe's liquor for a fresh bottle of Bolla.  If you're a dinner drinker, this is the universal meal wine. 
PUKING FACTOR:2 - ML

[Beringer White Zinfendel]: White wine is not exactly my favorite stuff in the world, but Berringers is more
alone the lines of a light rose.  This is good all-purpose juice that goes just as well with a nice
spaghetti dinner as it does with pretzels and chips.  Even on rainy nights at home, a bottle of Berringer's
can make me smile.  At 9.5% by volume, and around $6.00 a bottle, this is good stuff for beginners. -  ML

[Anything by Bully Hill vineyards]: Great wine, made the traditional way (no artificial crap, chemicals,
etc) and cheap! $4.00-$8.00 a bottle - MO

An Interview with a rich kid in Princeton (Winthorp Thompson):
Alex- Exactly how much money do you have?
Winthorp- Enough to buy your house and kick you out on the street.
Alex- Do you have a job?
Winthorp- No.  I was going to work for my dad, but he said i'd only clear $500.00 a week licking envelopes.
Alex- How many friends do you have?
Winthorp- Too many to count.  You're not one of them.
Alex- Why?
Winthorp- Because you're poor and you drive a beat-up Honda.
Alex- Do you have a girlfriend?
Winthorp- Of course.
Alex- Do you pay her to hang out with you?
Winthorp- Of course not imbecile!  She loves me because I am nice to her.
Alex- Guess what?
Winthorp- What?
Alex- I could turn you into an illiterate with a wave of my hand!
Winthorp- Shut up jerk.
<kazaaaam!>
Alex- How do you feel now?
Winthorp- I ain't feelin' nutin.  Yous only but a dreamer.  Wate!  Whut isa happenin'?
Alex- I told you it worked.  So, if I change you back will you stop being a rich 
conceited prick?
Winthorp- Ia don't yunderstan yu their alex! Ima sorry eye swear.
Alex- Okay, you've learned your lesson jerky.
<phlooooopakaaaazam!>
Alex- There, all better now.
Winthorp- You little shithead, my rich daddy is gonna get you!
Alex- I knew it.

Moral: Rich people never change.



WHATEVER RAMBLINGS #11
(Press run of 385 Million)
April/May 1992


Back to computerland I guess.  And here comes another issue of WR.  A few little interesting things to take
note of:  I reduced the print by 50% to maximize space.  It's a little harder to read, but it gives me the
ability to load this 'zine with different things, and still afford printing it.  Unfortunately my pressrun
didn't hit a billion this issue, but it should next time.  I just have to get outside and cut down some more
trees; go figure!  

Somewhere in here there should be a questionare.  Please take some time to fill it out and mail it to me. 
I'll print the first 20 responses I get.  People tell me this is turning into more of a humor magazine, what
do you think?  Anyone who thinks this 'zine is funny is as twisted as me.


Alex Swain
(Editor, Publisher, Treasurer, Secretary, Layout, Copyeditor, President, Vice President, Partner,
Shareholder, etc...)































A Poorman's Guide to surviving off of a shoestring budget:

First off, the majority of the people that read this are poor, so I should be hitting the right crowd. 
It is important to know WHAT foods are the most filling, and the cheapest to buy.  

Inexpensive food-type things that are filling:

PASTA- if you know where to go, you can get a pound of spaghetti for less than a dollar.  Of course you
should get the econo brand.  What the hell can the difference be when we're talking pasta?  A half pound of
pasta with butter can easily fill you up.  Buying it in bulk is the best choice.

PEANUT BUTTER- even though peanut butter isn't that cheap, it's incredibly filling.  A jar of peanut butter
can hold you for a few days.  A spoonful for breakfast, lunch, and you can go all out and serve it with
bread for dinner.  Goes down great with a tall glass of milk.  Make sure to drink whole milk.  It's the same
price as lowfat, and more filling.

CIGARETTES- I know this sounds sick, but if you smoke you'll know what I mean.  Tobacco is a filler.  I know
you don't eat them, but the smoke makes its way to your brain and confuses it.  It chemically constricts
your stomach to make it think you've eaten.  Of course this doesn't last long, and isn't recommended as a
substitute by any means.  I've lived off of cigarettes and Iced Tea (w/ sugar) for two days at times.  Don't
take up smoking just because you're hungry, cause the addiction will make you waste your money to buy them.

BREAD- Long ago prisoners lived only on bread and water.  It is possible.  Bread is very filling and cheap. 
White bread is less filling that wheat, but wheat is more nutritionally correct.  If you have to eat it
plain, then one alternative is to toast it.  It changes the taste considerably and reminds you of your
childhood when you had eggs, bacon, and toast for breakfast (you were so spoiled!).  Recommended with butter
and any dairy-based topping.

CHOCOLATE- Although it's not too good for you, chocolate is very filling.  A big Snickers bar can last you a
day if you ration it well enough.  Also chocolate with mint is more filling because mint is a natural
filler.  It gives you temporary energy to go do things (like beg for money), but you'll end up crashing
sooner or later.  A dentist said that chocolate isn't that bad for you, because it coats your teeth with all
kinds of weird shit.  It supposively prevents plaque buildup, but who can afford toothpaste these days
anyway?

LIQUIDS-  When you get really hungry you get ill.  Actually, you might feel like you're going to throw up,
but you probably won't (if you do, you'll just dryheave anyway).  Liquids can prevent this feeling by simply
putting SOMETHING inside your stomach.  Water will help this situation immediately.  Sweetened Iced Tea
works very well.  Anything sugary will coat your stomach and prevent that "i'm gonna ralph" feeling.  100%
natural juices works wonders.  They're extremely filling and will give you energy.  The downside is that due
to their acidic content, and your empty stomach, it might produce sharp pains and possibly make you sick. 
However, this won't last forever and it IS bearable.  Coffee works well, but too much will leave you spaced
out and depressed.


WARNINGS:Eat slow!  The mental satisfaction of food is equally important to the physical.  It might not
be the best food in the world, but at least you have something!  Not eating will make you tired.  This is
not a valid mental reaction.  Try not to sleep when you're hungry.  Drink water before bed if that's all you
have.  You'll wake up in worse shape, believe me.  If you start getting really worried, go to a food
shelter.  Screw the pride, without food you're going to die.

Recommended minimum daily food allowance:
(this will allow you to think on a rational basis)


POORMAN'S GUIDE TO BEING POOR- CONTINUED-

One slice of bread
Some type of liquid with sugar (soda is a no-no.)
An apple or an orange.
Some type of dairy product (cheese, yogurt, milk)

Make sure to eat everything at once (if possible).  

Okay, that's about it.  It might sound gruesome to you, but we're talking on a survival basis.  If you eat
better than this, then maybe this guide will make you appreciate your situation better.  If not, maybe this
can help you out with those trying times.  You can thank Bush and his recession for all of this crap.  Good
luck.



Ten things I really want to happen:

1. Be the guitarist in an all-girl band (and i'm dating all of them)
2. Cigarettes at $1.00 a pack
3. To go to school at a music institute and still be able to pay rent
4. Have my 'zine reach an audience of more than 10,000 people
5. Les Claypool as the next President of the United States
6. Move to Berkeley and smoke a lot of weed
7. Live till i'm 21
8. 12 Months of summer in New Jersey
9. Be in a incredibly commercial band so I can go on MTV and beat up all the VJ's (especially that fuck that
hosts Headbangers ball)
10. Unlimited time at a 24-track recording studio


At this point in my 'zine, I am writing simply to fill up space.  There are only a few pages left, and I
can't decide whether or not I should tell a story or what.  But I think what i'll do is utilize some space
to advertise miscellaneous things that I believe in:

Jersey Beat Fanzine gets my vote as the best 'zine in the east coast.  Even though Jim thinks my 'zine is
just "ok" and not "snazzy" enough, I cannot tell a lie.  His 'zine has the best coverage of the music scene
in the area, as well as coverage further west.  His new issue has an interview with Nirvana which is
evidently very funny (he hasn't sent me one YET...).  Write to:Jersey Beat - 408 Gregory Ave, Weehawken, NJ 
07087

Shannon Mcgee, the drummer from my old band is a lazy bastard.  However, he is a NICE lazy bastard and
deserves some mail from the world.  He won't write you back, cause he's LAZY, but he can read things, so
write to him at 532 S. College St. - Claremont, CA  91711 (tell him I sent you).

Maximum Rock 'N Roll isn't a magazine that I necessarily believe in, but anyway...I rag on them quite a bit
in this 'zine, and they probably don't care.  They probably won't review my 'zine anymore but who cares?  If
they do it'll only be to make sure people don't buy it...Hahahah!  Isn't life grand?  Make sure not to send
your 'zine to them because they are incredibly biased in their views (I can provide evidence if needed).  I
send them mine cause I love tormenting them.

My ex-girlfriends deserve some advertising space: Karen, Sarah, Toni, Paula, Michelle, Alexandria, Beth and
Andrea.  They all hate me now, but that's ok because Beer is better.


Miscellaneous bullshit to waste space - CONTINUED:

Hmm, let's see....I went to the Palladium on Friday with Jason.  I got really drunk and nearly passed out. 
We sold copies of issue #10 and came out pretty good.  The Dinosaur Jr. show is this upcoming Friday and I'm
so happy.  The Ice-T/Body Count show is on Wednesday.  I'm not going for one because Ice-T is a jerk, and
two because fights are going to break out (unless there is a ton of security).  I hate the Winter a HELL of
a lot.  I'm wearing my Primus T-shirt now.  I need new shoes.  Some jerkoff stole my journal and i'm pissed. 
Rumor has it that the PMRC stands for "pre-menstrual rectal cramps".  It's 5:40am and i'm still awake.  I
had a dream about a girl last night and my bed was dry when I woke up.  Here's a really bad joke:  What did
Kermit say to Jim Henson?  Get your hand out of my ass! Ok, so it wasn't funny..Anyway...Hmmm...I think
you're really cool.  Considering, I might not know who you are, but i'm sure you're really cool.  Did you
know that teenagers can be really stupid sometimes?  Did you know that I actually sell these magazines at
RIDER college?  Here are some games---Write down what time it is (RIGHT NOW) and mail it to me on a
postcard.  Try not to say "like" or "yeah" for a whole day.  Oh, here's an idea-  Here's a listing of my
friends that have problems with each other:

Mike Lupica    DISLIKES  Mike Estok
Mike Estok     DISLIKES  Mike Lupica
Jon Gall       DISLIKES  Mike Estok
Mike Estok     DISLIKES  Jon Gall
Mike Lupica    DISLIKES  Toni Lieggi
Toni Lieggi    DISLIKES  Alex Swain
Nicole Pagonis DISLIKES  Jason Murison
Jason Murison  DISLIKES  Nicole Pagonis
Travis Nelson  DISLIKES  Jean-Ann Lesnieski
Jean-Ann...    DISLIKES  Travis Nelson
Alex Swain     DISLIKES  Birgit Brunar

And then there's the "LOVE" list:

Mike Lupica    LOVES   Alex Swain
Alex Swain     LOVES   Mike Lupica
Mike Estok     LOVES   Jason Rotunno
Jason Rotunno  LOVES   Heineken Beer
Jon Gall       LOVES   Alex Swain
Alex Swain     LOVES   Jon Gall
Mike Estok     LOVES   Nicole Pagonis
Nicole Pagonis LOVES   Nirvana
Mike Otrok     LOVES   Beer
Beer           LOVES   Mike Otrok
Rusty Conklin  LOVES   Mike Lupica
Mike Lupica    LOVES   Nuisance
Alex Swain     LOVES   Mike Estok
Mike Estok     LOVES   His girlfriend in N. Carolina
Alex Swain     LOVES   Everyone that loves him
Jason Murison  LOVES   His girlfriend Joan
Girlfriend JoanLOVES   Jason Murison
Mike Ramsey    LOVES   His girlfriend
His Girlfriend LOVES   Mike Ramsey

Wow, wasn't that groovy?  See, a peaceful harmonic bond has happened.  More people love each other than not. 
Wow, isn't that special?  Of course, if you don't know these people, then this probably didn't mean shit. 
Then again, it just proves that LOVE still exists, even in the EAST COAST!



--END--