335 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
335 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
----------------[ w0ol #8: we force you into unbearable positions ]----------
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we force you into unbearable positions, think about it, we do, and not
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only sexual ones, social ones too, admit it. typical day, you read a
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w0ol, suddenly your overcome by the desire to twist your ankles into your
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armpits, see, strange sexual position, also unbearable, then you get to
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school by walking on your knees. at school someone walks up to you and
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says something, it remides you of something you read in w0ol, so you say
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"hey dude, i read this thing in w0ol, it was sooo un-funny" then you
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repeat it, to this they reply "oh my god you clearly homosexual
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person!^#% reader of w0ol!@^% stone him!%@&" others say "i agree, shove
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stones in all his orfirces!^*" besides the fact that your ankles are in
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your armpits, you have ALOT more trouble walking home.
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---------------------[ ha ha ]----------------------------------------------
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that reminds me of something, once i was laughing at my monitor, cause
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someone said something funny on a BBS, and my mom walked by and made fun
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of me or something cause i was laughing at the computer, grr, so later
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while she laughed at the TV i made fun of her, hrmph.
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-------------[ good god, that was pointless ]-------------------------------
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i know you didnt need to hear it, ok, here is a quote from an IRC
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Operator Non-person i talked to.. TheRose, if you read this and ban me,
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ill kill your first-born-chincilla.
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[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] you know of course you just banned
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yourself from my server for running clonebots.
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<*-[therose]-*> ugh, i was just seeeeeeeeeeeing something.
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<*-[therose]-*> i didnt actually do anything bad, i connected them, joined
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them, killed them..ugh.
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[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] seeing something?
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<*-[therose]-*> i just wanted to see if it stilll worked.ugh
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[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] see if what still worked?
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[E/X] TheRose requested version information for you.
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<*-[therose]-*> see if clonebots still worked
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*** nettle is away: Automatically set away. (Away since 8:16 am Sun Apr 28)
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[E/X] nettle requested version information for you.
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[E/X] Version: nettle: w0ol comes from sheep!
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[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] you know also that we don't allow lame
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versions
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[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] get yourself a REAL version
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<*-[therose]-*> w0ol does come from sheep though.
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[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] the truth of the version.
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<*-[therose]-*> ugh, ok..
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<*-[therose]-*> the reason my version says that is that i write a e-zine
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called w0ol, so i like that
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[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] don't be surprised if you get
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banned for not having a real version. I'll let it go this time... also
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know that we don't allow bots of any type.
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<*-[therose]-*> im not a bot, im sorry for the clonebots thing, it wont
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happen aagin
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[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] I hope not.
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<*-[therose]-*> ok
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-----------------------------[ that was, well, dorky ]----------------------
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ok, my BBS might go back up, its called Node Island, or Ni, umm, it usta
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run MBBS before i lost it, and now im trying to get *nix MBBS to start it
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again, so if i do (or if you have it) send me it, and Ni will retunr, woo!
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-----------------------------[ laymur ]-------------------------------------
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ok, typical situation, you dont like someone but this person loves to
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hang around with you for no reason. im going to relay information
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through text to you which will ruin this attempt!@! ya! i say "ok" too
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much to start sentances. hm, alright, stage one: embarrasment. get them
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to tell you some dark secret, and hint it off to everyone, ie: they once
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fucked an iguana, say "i iguana do this work" in front of them to say, a
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teacher. step two: go to their house and wreck it, if they have a dog,
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bring a bowl-sized bag of some dogfood they DONT have, on to the carnage, i
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mean, eat food in their basment or whever THEY hang out and drop lots of
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it under the couch, and also spill soda on some mag their parents like,
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now, pick your nose infront of his siter, then say you gotta go to the
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bathroom, go in there, if htey have deodorant cut it FLAT with a knife
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or something, then get it all wet, put water in their mouthwash, put
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toothpaste on the faucet-where-the-water-comes-out bit, and then you get
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to pissing, piss on the seat, not too much, but enough, if they have
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carpet get it too, if they dont try getting some piss behind the toilet,
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then you move on, oh yeah, squeeze out the last few drops of piss onto a
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paper towel, drop it in the garbage. dont flush. get out, your hanging,
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making a mess, now its time to move in on the food, if theyve got
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lucky-fuckin' charms or something shitty with marshmellows, open the box
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and shake it till most of the marshellows converge at the top to
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negotiate with you, give them no mercy, scoop them up and eat them, the
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food will suck. get some meat or cheese and put it in the dishwasher,
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also take some sauce of some type, get ranch-dressing, youll use it
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later, then open some liquid-solids like A1 ort something, and knock
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them over in the fridge. ok, go over to the dog bowl, pick it up and
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empty it into the garbage, now put YOUR dog food in there, once the
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doggie gets indigestion and poops nasty shit on their porch or something
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theyll change their minds about you, next go up to the room, while X isnt
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looking pour ranch dressing inside the blankets, then just hang around
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and make a mess in general then leave. woo.
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-----------------[ woah, hey, can i come over your house, i guana ]----------
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shut up. bumbityboo, im arguing with some machead over some stupid stuff,
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and he is consistently referring to DOS-software problems as hardware
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problems, ugh. so im not talking to him anymore:)
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----------------------[ d0rk ]----------------------------------------------
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ssss ss ssss ss
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$$ $$ $$ $$
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$$ $$ $$ $$ss $$
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$$ $$ $$ $$
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ssss ss ssss ss
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damn right, hmmmm, oh yeah, its time for an amazing adventure of ASCII MAN!
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------------[ ascii man we love you!#!@ ]-----------------------------------
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ok, ascii man is patrolling the streets of his hometown, lameland and
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looking for crime, suddenly
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,'
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. .b,`
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d$bsss suddenly... d$P
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s$$o s$$*
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s##= s##O
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`$$' `$$'
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there was a HUGE explosion, so ascii man ran to the sceene, there were
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several people there, he jumped towards the victims and carried them
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away, then he met evil Mr AssholeGuyWhoBombedTheBuilding
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/--------\
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/~^ ^~\
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| ./\. ./\. |
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| `\/' `\/' |
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\___-_-_-_-_-___/ - Muahah, ascii man, you are under my control
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/~~~-~-~-~-~-~~~\
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\_______________/
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ascii man was frightened, he whipped out his ascii-gun and shot
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.$$$$##$$$$$$$$$$$$.
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,@$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$'
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$%#%$L$
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$#%#$$'
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$%#%$
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$#%#$
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~~~
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kabang!@
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/---------\
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/~^ ^~\
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| .*&. ./\. |
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| `$@' `\/' |
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\___-_-_-_-_-___/ - ow you bastid, my eye!@
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/~~~-~-~-~-~-~~~\
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\_______________/
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ascii man had no choice, he shot several more times
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/---------\
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/~^ *^ ^~\
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| .*&.'&./\. |
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| `$@' `\/' |
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\___-&%@-_-_-___/
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/~~~-~-~-~-~*&~~\
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\___________%$__/
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Mr AssholeGuyWhoBombedTheBuilding fell to the floor dead, ascii man
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loomed over him and this was the last thing he saw..
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.%%.
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.$$$$$$$$$$$$.
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.$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
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.@@@. .@@@.
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$ $ $ $
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$ %%$ % $ %%$
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`@@@' $$ `@@@'
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`'
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`s s'
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$$ $$
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$$$$..$$$$
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~~
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Lesson: never fuck with ascii man.
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-----------------------[ uhhh thanks for the hard to follow story ]---------
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yeah, woo, on the subject of ascii
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----------------[ uh, i think i wet myself, you mean ASCII ART!?# ]---------
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yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, hell yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
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first up on the ascii baseball plate: my BBS logon message
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here ya go
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Welcome to Node Island
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#############################################################################
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:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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: `, :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: .' ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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. `,% :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::'_,%' :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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`'% %$$., ,_`::::::::::::::::::::'.,$$%. ::::::::: % ::::::::::::::::::::::
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::::: %$$$$,. $$$$,._`::::::::::'.,$$$%. ::::::::: %#@#% ::::::::::::::::::::
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:::::: %$$$$$,. '$$$$$,._`::::'.,$$$$$%. ::::::::::: % ::::::::::::::::::::::
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::::::: %$$$$$$$,.`%$$$$$,._ ,$$$$$$%. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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:::::::: %$$$$$$$$,. `%$$$$$$,._ $$$$$%. ::::::::::: $% :::::::::::::::::::::
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:::::::: %$$$$$$$$$$,. `%$$$$$$$-,_ $$%. ::::::::: ,$$% ::::::::::::::::::::
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:::::::: %$$$$$$$$$$$$. `%$$$$$$$$$-,._ ::::::::'.,$$$$% :::::::::::::::::::
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::::::: %$$$$$$$$$$$$$$, : `%$$$$$$$$$$$-,._ :: .,$$$$$$% :::::::::::::::::::
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::::: .%$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" "$ `%$$$$$$$$$$$$" : "$$$$$$$% ::::::::::::::::::::
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:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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#############################################################################
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:Node:Island:is:an:official:w0ol:site,:woo.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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#############################################################################
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so if you ever telnet to it, thats what it looks like, woo, im lame. ok,
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hmmmmmmmm, what do you get when you cross a cricket and a potato?
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i dunno but here it is:
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/\ **
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/ /\ \ //
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/ /%$%&\$\%$#$%$@&%$&%&-OO
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/ / @#%$@&$\/#&$@&%@#&@%&#()
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`'`' $@&$@&#@%$#@%#@&\\#$
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`'
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hmm, pointless but somehow sexy.
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ok, im going to draw a sharp sword
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`,
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\\
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\\
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\\
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\\ /
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/\\
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\\
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wow, ok, hmm, a star
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%
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#
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% # @ # %
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#
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%
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ok mebbe that was a target
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hmm, wrrrrrrrrrrrr POP!
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\.,-,./
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,` O O ',
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`. P .'
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___`| |'___________
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/ | | / |
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/ .,| |,. / |
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/ / |
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|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| |
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| Jack-in-da-haus | |
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| [tm] | /
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|_________________|/
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muahaha, the devil. dead goats.
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s s
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$$ $$
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$$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$
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$$$$ $$$$
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$$ @ `' @ $$
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$$ db $$
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$$ $$
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$$`,.'$$
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$$ss$$
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woo, that actually sucks, but the horns RULE, :)
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ok, we are at line 280, so i guess its time to say goodbye
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poop.
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---------------------------+ eDiToR CoMmEnT +----------------------------------
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wow, lame.
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---------------------------------+ InDeX +------------------------------------
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this is so you can find them:
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#1: w0ol comes from sheep! (nettle)
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#2: the electric santa (nettle)
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#3: gourmet food, gourmet boredom (nettle)
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#4: toast some pixie stix in the hour that doesnt exist (nettle)
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#5: no comprende? (nettle)
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#6: the annual collage issue (nettle)
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#7: w0ol, a joke in every issue!@ (nettle)
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#8: we force you into unbearable positions (nettle)
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wow
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-------------------------------+ people of w0ol +------------------------------
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nettle
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(thats all right now.. so write sumfin!#)
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ascii man (who is he!?@)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ email addresses _~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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nettle:
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nettle@novasys.com
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nettle@nevermind.lag.novasys.com
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nettle@nexxus.novasys.com
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thats it..
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-----------------------+ useless archives +----------------------------------
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ftp:
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nevermind.lag.novasys.com : /pub/w0ol
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landslide.openix.com : /ftp/phorce/w0ol
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morse code:
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the top of springfield avenu, ill have a flashing light there encoding
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w0ol 24/7.
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if you would like to contact w0ol send email to
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w0ol@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, if you want to have a letter displaayed
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in one of our issues as a question/comment type thing, email
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w0ol-2@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, if you would like me to murder your
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parents email parent@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, thank you.
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