105 lines
5.4 KiB
Plaintext
105 lines
5.4 KiB
Plaintext
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### ###
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########## ### ### ##########
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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[ Drunk But Divine ] [ By Joseph ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________
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Drunk But Divine
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by Joseph
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The last words that came from Mr. J. before he closed his eyes for good was
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"Go to hell all of you cocksuckers!". Apart from this humble statement, his
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death had been rather calm and quiet. Only a few distant relatives and a
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doctor had been present as he drew his last breath. Nobody would ever miss
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him. That did not surprise Mr. J.
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What did surprise him though, was the fact that he found himself sitting
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on a cloud instead of burning in flames. At first he had stayed put in his
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bedroom for a while, observing what his relatives said about him. The things
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spoken about him came as no surprise. But right now, he was strolling around
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on clouds with a warm and fluffy feel to them.
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He sat down on a cloud he had found especially nice and began to roll his
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thumbs - something which amused him a lot.
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Suddenly his present world was filled with a terrible noise, it sounded
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like a magnificent form of loudspeaker disturbance. Then a deep voice,
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speaking in tongues, emerged from nowhere: "Ehrm... Well, yezz... God here.
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I just wanted to say 'Hi!' and inform you that the review of your life will
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begin shortly after my angels have served you drinks and some snacks."
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"Really? Ahh, well, I guess that's okay." said Mr J.
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A loud metallic click was heard as God turned off the microphone.
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Somewhat confused, Mr. J. returned to his session of thumb-rolling.
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After a couple of hours, two sensationally light-dressed and big-breasted
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women appeared. They had wings on their backs, and drinks and snacks on a
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plate. Mr. J. served himself. He had never been that kind of guy that says
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no to alcohol. When he had poured down the first drink and received a
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refill, a stocky man with a blotchy face came up to him and sat down. He was
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obviously quite drunk. Mr. J. could see that it was a state the man had
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spent considerable lot of time in.
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"So, you're here," said Mr. J. and smiled to what he thought was Santa
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Claus.
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"Heh... Heh... Yeah, for some time."
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Mr. J. realised that he ought to introduce himself.
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"I'm Mr. J. by the way."
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"God - but you can call me Fred. At first I thought we should review
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your life and look at some pictures; but then I realised that there's simply
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no time for that. So, instead, I thought we would concentrate on just one
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occasion and see what that tells us about yourself.
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"Sure. What occasion?"
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"Hmm, which was it now... Hmm..."
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Fred's head sunk down to his chest and it looked like he was thinking
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really hard. But when Mr. J. had waited for a couple of minutes for Fred to
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find out which occasion it was, he looked a little closer. Fred did not
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think. He was sound asleep.
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Mr. J. poked him in the belly (Mr. J. was the poking type). Fred woke
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up and shouted: "Yes! We were about to discuss that little incident when you
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shot a person."
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"Oh. Yeah, well, what can I say? It was a long time ago and I was very
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young. Anyway, let's get on with it!"
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"I would like to begin with your explanation of why you did it."
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"I guess it was what he said that made me so damn angry. Calling someone
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'a fucking moron' isn't a very nice thing to do. Something inside me
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exploded. I've always been somewhat hot-tempered, and this particular
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evening my father had beat me up - and my grandmother was just about to
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die. Lung cancer, you know! So, I guess that's why I killed him. But I
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would never ever kill another human being in cold blood."
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"Yezzz. Weaall you schure don't have to bother about that now. We didn't
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like that fucking twit you shot anyway. He's working as a janitor in our
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torture-facility now by the way. So, how does it feel now?"
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"Better. I've always felt pretty bad about that thing - but now I
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understand that he really got what he deserved. Isn't that so?"
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"Oomph."
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"Isn't that so?"
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"Uhmph."
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All of a sudden, Fred fell down next to Mr. J. It was not until now he
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had realised how drunk God really had been. Mr. J. returned to his rolling,
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and beneath Fred's mouth an almost invisible puddle of drool began to
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emerge on the pink cloud.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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uXu #407 Underground eXperts United 1997 uXu #407
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Call LHD2 -> +1-818-546-2332
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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