2775 lines
80 KiB
Plaintext
2775 lines
80 KiB
Plaintext
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### ###
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########## ### ### ##########
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### ###
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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####### ## ## ####### # # ####### ####### ## ##
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## ## ## ## ##### # ## # ## ## ##
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## ## ## ## ##### # ## # ## ##
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## ## ####### ####### # # ####### ####### ##
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[ Bleed III ] [ By The GNN ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________
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BLEED III
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by THE GNN/DualCrew-Shining/uXu
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1) 'DECONSTRUCTING HUMOR ONCE AGAIN.'
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Released in 1988 and 1989, Bleed I and Bleed II quickly divided the game
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players on the Commodore Amiga into two groups; those who liked the game
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and, not very surprising, those who hated it. One reason to hate the Bleed
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games was because they were said to be 'racist' games; The hero in the game,
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police officer Brad Nixon, did not fancy black people, jews, asians nor
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children. A short debate on this subject emerged on UseNet (see UXU-106,
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'What Do You Think About Bleed' for slightly more details.)
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But what some people could not understand was the fact that it is a
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difference between what a fictitious person thinks, and what the game itself
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is supposed to be. None of the Bleed games was supposed to be racist. On
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the contrary, they are meant to make fun out of such people. But instead
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of saying how stupid it is to be a brain-dead xenophobic, BLEED just let
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the mad hero say whatever he felt for saying, or think what he wanted to
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think. Surely, this was more funny. We thought it was meaningless to include
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disclaimers all over the game, since no one could possibly take this whole
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thing serious.
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But some people could, and we pity those people. They have not understood
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that humor is meant to be deconstructed. What is accepted by some people
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(such as the KKK, or WAR,) more open-minded people laugh at.
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If you want to destroy an organization, that is sick all the way into the
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bone, it is just a waste of time to use sound arguments. Crazy people will
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never listen to you, since they are too misguided in their beliefs. It is
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much better to laugh at everything they say; because the things they say
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are pretty funny when you think about it.
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If you had a belief, and every time you openly stated it people began to
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laugh - what would you think? Of course, you would become rather pissed.
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We love to piss off racists, nazis and other twisted people. Therefore, we
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(me and Dual Crew) made the Bleed series.
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Bleed I and Bleed II are available as adventure games for the Amiga.
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Bleed III, however, is still not released. But the text has been finished
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for over five years now. Due to this delay, the text is pretty lousy when
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it comes to spelling, and it is filled to the limit with grammatical errors.
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But I hope that will not spoil your reading. Probably you will find this
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'game' to be the worst shit you have ever seen, but, then, who cares?
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2) 'HOW THE GAME WORKS.'
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In the beginning of every text you will find a '; <text>'
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After every choice you will also find a '; <text>'
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Like this: '1 - Open the door.' ; door
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Just go to the text that begins with '; door' to continue.
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Or just read the whole shit through, without 'playing.'
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Note: 'The Slut' means 'The End'. (Internal joke, nothing
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to worry about.)
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3) 'BLEED III.'
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`"Freedom is based upon respect, and`
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`respect must be earned by spilling`
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`of blood."`
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` `
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` -William Powell`
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; text1
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`In 1985 Brad Nixon, a Real American Man`
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`hunted and killed an unknown criminal`
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`in New York.`
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` `
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`Five days later the same man was out`
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`again killing innocent people and Brad`
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`Nixon must once again take on this task`
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`which he successfully completes.`
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` `
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`Another five days have passed...`
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; game
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`BLEED PART III - CAN YOU TAKE ANY MORE?`
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` `
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`This is unbelievable...even though you`
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`ONCE AGAIN hunted and destroyed The Man`
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`you still didn't get any promotion!`
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`You can't blame your boss anyway, he's`
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`dead, killed by a heart attack`
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`during your tries to explain why you`
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`crashed your car by driving into a`
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`7-11 shop some days ago (You didn't`
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`get so far in Bleed 2, did you?). Ok,`
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`let's cut the crap and enter your`
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`current position. You are once again`
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`in your famous car, parked by the`
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`famous sidewalk.`
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`The sun is still shining on you...which`
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`makes you a bit poetical...even if this`
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`is a cruel work there's always time`
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`for poetry. You lean back and think: `
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` `
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`"Oh, even If mah throat is sore`
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`I still got mah magnum forty-four`
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`which i place to a niggers head`
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`and blows him dead"`
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` `
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`(Please rise for the American Anthem)`
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` `
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`Hold it! What's this? Poetry? Get back`
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`to work!`
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` `
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`Ok, ok, ok, you are once again in your`
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`worthless police car, parked by a sunny`
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`sidewalk (but still worthless) in the`
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`middle of NY.`
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` `
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`Go ahead and make your day.`
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` `
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; start
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`So how will you continue your day now`
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`then?`
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` `
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` 1 - Inventory.` ; invent
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` 2 - Go for a ride.` ; ride
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` 3 - Go for a FUCKING COOL ride!` ; coolride
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` 4 - Turn your police radio ON/OFF.` ; radio
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; invent
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`Ahh...your body is filled by a mental `
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`orgasm as you watch your shiny Magnum.`
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`A text engraved on the left side of the `
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`stock says "I kill criminals...". And`
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`with smaller text underneath "...with`
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`big bangs and mucho macho blood!`
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`At first you wanted it to say "I kill`
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`niggers..." but the jerk in the shop`
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`refused to engrave it! Bah! Lamer!`
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` ` ; start
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; ride
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`Roar! Ah, the car starts without`
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`problem! Very unusual indeed! You`
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`slowly begin to patrol the streets of`
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`N.Y this wonderful day, looking for`
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`crime (action) and criminals (targets).`
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`Unfortunately everyone walking around`
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`seems to be rather harmless this day.`
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`No robberies, violence or rapists in`
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`progress where you drive. Sigh...`
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` `
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`But when you drive through one of the`
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`slum districts you see three children`
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`who are showing you The finger while`
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`screaming "Pig! Pig!" and laughing.`
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`Maybe time to teach the younger`
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`generation some good manners?!`
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` `
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` 1 - Step out and explain so called`
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` good manners.` ; explotown
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` 2 - Use your fists pedagogically.` ; fist
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` 3 - Drive away - fast.` ; fastdrive
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; coolride
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`Mouahahahaha! The car... I mean, THE`
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`WHEELS hit the road with an advanced`
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`speed and roars down the street. Get`
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`outta my fucking way! you scream while`
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`you crash some bicycles that some kids`
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`has parked by the road.`
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`I could describe hundreds of people who`
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`get nervous problems after this, during`
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`the four minutes you drive, but that`
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`would take time.`
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`But you are lucky this day. No fool`
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`cross your path and gets his body`
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`squashed.`
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` `
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`(I.e nothing interesting happens)`
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` `
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`Disappointed you return to your sunny`
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`sidewalk again.`
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` ` ; start
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; fastdrive
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`Damn kids! I really hate them! They`
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`think they own this city! God, why did`
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`you invent children? A bullet in their`
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`little heads is what they really`
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`deserve! Yeah, that's right!`
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`Suddenly you realize that you have had`
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`your mind somewhere else the last`
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`seconds! You look up and discover a`
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`horrifying sight!`
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`You are on collision-course with a group`
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`of children from a play school who are`
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`walking across the road! They have seen`
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`you too and are screaming in shock. But`
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`they are not moving of course!`
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`Man! Not even you wanna be responsible`
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`for any accident?!`
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` `
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` 1 - Light a cigarette and drive on.` ; ciggdrive
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` 2 - Laugh and drive on.` ; laughdrive
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` 3 - BRAKE!` ; brakedrive
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; radio
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`Bsst..fff..yeah, yeah, yeah, so ya saw`
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`this negro blow the head of an old`
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`lady? Why didn't you blast him? Ok...`
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`"...bzzt...Robbery on Park Avenue? Who`
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`gives a shit? I'm eating. FFRRSSS...`
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`BLAM BLAM I NEED BACKUP MOTHERFUCKING`
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`FAST FOR CHRIST SAKE" yeah, yeah hold`
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`on we can send you a car in about an`
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`hour or two that will be fine yes have`
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`a nice day.`
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` `
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`It seems like there's just an ordinary`
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`street talk between policemen and HQ`
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`on the air right now.`
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` ` ; start
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; brakedrive
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`SCREECH! BLAM, BOM! Shit! It seems your`
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`heroic act was a bit too late! You car`
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`is plunged into the children and you can`
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`hear them scream as they are thrown over`
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`the street in fountains of blood. You`
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`know, children are quite small so they`
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`fly very easily! (hehe! Shut up!) You`
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`rush out and stare in horror at the`
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`bloody corpses.`
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` `
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`Oh my god... one of the few children`
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`alive lifts his arm and points at you.`
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`"Sir, please help me..." he says with a`
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`weak voice. Well...the problem is you`
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`don't know a shit about first aid so `
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`you'll have to improvise.`
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` `
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` 1 - Try first aid anyway.` ; aid
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` 2 - Try to locate the mother of the`
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` child. (She must know!)` ; mother
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` 3 - Tie the child to your bumper and`
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` drive around the block. ` ; bumper
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; aid
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`Ehm...well...let's see now. As you begin`
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`to examine the little boy you suddenly`
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`feel how exited you are...could it be?`
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`No...you continue to search for wounds`
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`but after a while you just CAN'T hold`
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`back your feelings!`
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`You rip off all your clothes and begins`
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`a disgusting rape in the ass of the`
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`little child. (Yuck! I knew you were`
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`gay!)`
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` `
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`Ahh...when you are satisfied you kick`
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`away the little bastard (dead by now`
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`actually) with your boot. What now?`
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`Ah..lunch time!`
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`You are just on your way to step into`
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`your car when a big man grabs your arm`
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`and pulls you close to his chest.`
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`He seems very angry by some reason.`
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` `
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`"WHAT have you done to my son!?"`
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` `
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`(Son? Better be careful now!)`
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` `
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`"As you could see, I gave your son`
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`perfect first aid!`
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` `
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`"YOU FUCKED MY DEAD SON IN THE ASS`
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`THAT'S WHAT YOU DID YOU SON OF A BITCH!"`
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` `
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`(He didn't buy it)`
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` `
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`"Yes, but..."`
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` `
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`"Shut up! But I'm ready to forgive you`
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`for a small favor...`
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` `
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`(Another idiot who wants to get rid of`
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`some stupid fine!)`
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` `
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`You are not even able to answer before`
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`he place you on the hood of your car`
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`and begins a disgusting rape in your`
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`tight ass.`
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` `
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`What's the last thing who pass through`
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`the mind of a policeman who's being`
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`raped to death?`
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` `
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`"A dick."` ; The Slut
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; mother
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`You turn to the crowd and speak with a`
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`loud voice.`
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` `
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`"Hello? Does this bloody piece belong to`
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`any of you around here?"`
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` `
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`(No one seems to answer)`
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` `
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`"I said, is there any mother or father`
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`to this hamburger here?"`
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` `
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`(Very funny indeed)`
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` `
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`A voice suddenly answers "Here..."`
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`Ah! Finally! You turn around and`
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`discover a woman who is pointing at you`
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`with a little 38-special ladies gun.`
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`"I'm the mother of that child you `
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`brutally have slaughtered." she says`
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`with a calm voice.`
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` `
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`You are just going to explain the`
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`situation when she pulls the trigger.`
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`Six times. At you of course. She aims`
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`bad and hits you in the legs and stomach`
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`two times each before she "finally" hits`
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`you in the head, ending your suffering.`
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`You will not notice that she reloads`
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`her gun and ends her own life too.`
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` `
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`Then her husbands commits suicide`
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`when the news reach him!`
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` `
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`And the neighbors too!`
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` `
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`And the president of the United States!`
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` `
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`What a tragedy!`
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` `
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`(Or is it Dallas?) ; The slut
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; bumper
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`You open the glove-compartment in your`
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`car and find a little rope which you`
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`carefully tie to the hand of the`
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`child and your rear bumper.`
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`"Trust me, my little friend, this won't`
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`hurt.", you say before you roar away in`
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`100 mph. The child is thrown from one`
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`side to another, into lamp-posts,`
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`garbage cans, mailboxes and, of course,`
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`people who are walking around.`
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`After a couple of minutes you stop but`
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`discover that the child hasn't gone any`
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`better.`
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`In fact...you don't even know where he`
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`is. The only ting left is the hand,`
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`still tied to the rope. In panic you`
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`begin to search the way you came from.`
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` `
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`Some minutes later you found the body`
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`together with five other policemen and`
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`two fellows from the local mad-house.`
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` `
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`Uncomfortable straight-jackets they`
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`have here!` ; the Slut
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; explotown
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`You stop the car, step out and begin to`
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`talk: (slowly)`
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` `
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`"My dear friends. As you might have`
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`noticed I have come in peace to give`
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`you a calm lesson in how you should`
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`behave to not offend any living human`
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`around here with so called "bad" habits`
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`like showing certain parts of your body`
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`to innocent people. With certain parts`
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`I mean A. Fingers B. Arses C. misc.`
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`By doing so ya directly address a human`
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`by offending his life and friends which`
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`could lead to psychological wounds and `
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`later this day, lunch. Everyone know`
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`that if all people in China farts at`
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`the same time an earthquake will occur.`
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`But that is not certain since we can't`
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`discuss anything without bass! What I`
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`mean is that if everyone around the`
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`world JUST ONCE played bowling there`
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`could be free drinks all over place! On`
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`the floor! On the roof! You understand`
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`don't you? The same thing would happen`
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`if you drove nine mazdas up in the`
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`tower of babel and later fell asleep.`
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`In that case no one would understand`
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`because everyone on this planet hasn't`
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`read the book "Vad Fan?". You see what`
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`I mean? You must learn to speak for`
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`yourself and not from any shitty (sorry)`
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`boutique who are selling cheap tear-gas`
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`to small ladies with big bags.`
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`You understand? The reason why we can't`
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`hold back our feelings is simple: Green`
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`mailboxes on red squares! Bah!`
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`Humiliating! Do you really think that`
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`Satan would eat fish when he was`
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`watching Tipsextra? No! Of course not!`
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`And that's what the whole point is on`
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`the left surf-board in the middle of`
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`Explotown (sic; ya=you).`
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`Isn'titfuntohavenospacesbetwee?`
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`But let's see it from another point of`
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`view! There's always two points of view`
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`you know! In the old days of running and`
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`hiding no one would be quite sure what`
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`would happen if someone decided to.`
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`Or what would happen if?`
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`Could he.`
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`Or should he maybe take on his pants`
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`again and. Give me a big.`
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`Is it you, is it me? Why don't we live`
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`in ecstasy? Ok, but welcome to my`
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`playground. It's a violent playground,`
|
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`such a violent playground. My gift is`
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`of no use. However...`
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`And what on earth happened to normal`
|
|
`mice in the pit of destiny? Do you`
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`have the slightest idea how much work`
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`it takes? I bought the radio from Yves`
|
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`Rocher and translated it into a radio.`
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`This is the final solution. Open the`
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`chambers and let the Zyklon B fall`
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`through the hole in the floor. Feel`
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`the power of MTV. Or equal.`
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`A wise man said once that if the day`
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`of the retaliation had turned my HDTV`
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`into a mat for you then it had been`
|
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`the final copy of the bible.`
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`You don't know the difference between`
|
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`a HDTV and a CDTV, do you?`
|
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`Suckers to the side I know you hate my`
|
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`Nissan! Do you have any idea how long`
|
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`time it takes to open this drawer and`
|
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`find two kilos of black powder? It's a`
|
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`mouse button. But maybe later, ok? See`
|
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`you around and take on that ugly VCR`
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`again will you? Laser.`
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` `
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`You turn to the children and is going`
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`to ask them if they understood. But`
|
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`the children are gone and so are planet`
|
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`earth and everything else. The only man`
|
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`who survived the Big Crunch and the`
|
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`black hole of eternity was you. But`
|
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`without a car, boss or gun you are`
|
|
`nothing, left only to drift in endless`
|
|
`space. Forever.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; fist
|
|
|
|
`You press down the brake and the car`
|
|
`stops, followed by a black string from `
|
|
`your ex-tires. You kick out the front`
|
|
`window and jump out screaming "AAAA!".`
|
|
`The kids do not dare to move when you`
|
|
`stand like a madman on your hood and`
|
|
`let your anger run through the streets.`
|
|
`After a while of screaming you jump down`
|
|
`and grab the nearest kid and gives him`
|
|
`a couples of blows to his stomach`
|
|
`before you stick a finger in his eye.`
|
|
`The boy is screaming in pain as his left`
|
|
`eyeball is transformed into something`
|
|
`that more looks like mashed potatoes.`
|
|
`The two other kids are trying to run`
|
|
`but you manage to place a kick in the`
|
|
`back head of one of them. He looses his`
|
|
`balance and runs right into a lamp-post.`
|
|
`A loud crack is heard when his skull`
|
|
`breaks. The last kid runs in panic and`
|
|
`doesn't notice a open manhole in the`
|
|
`street. He disappear in silence 20 feet`
|
|
`down. By now they should have realized`
|
|
`that you don't mess with officers of The`
|
|
`Law! You are just on your way to leave`
|
|
`this ghetto when a voice behind you says`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"What have you done to my poor little`
|
|
`grandsons?"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You turn around and find an old lady in`
|
|
`a wheelchair looking at you with sad`
|
|
`eyes.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Explain that they needed a fucking`
|
|
` lesson in how to fucking behave.` ; explolady
|
|
` 2 - Kick the wheelchair away,`
|
|
` down the street!` ; kicklady
|
|
|
|
; explolady
|
|
|
|
`You explain to the fucking lady that `
|
|
`these fucking kids where fucking`
|
|
`humiliating you and that could not be`
|
|
`fucking tolerated as you are a fucking`
|
|
`officer of the fucking law in this`
|
|
`fucking city!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`She turns around and shouts into the`
|
|
`house "Pedro! This gentleman is saying`
|
|
`naughty words!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The reply arrives one second later in`
|
|
`form of a 12-gauge shot which sends`
|
|
`you ten yards away, over the street.`
|
|
`With a broken voice your last word was`
|
|
`"...fuck...".`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"That's how we punish children who`
|
|
` swear!"` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; kicklady
|
|
|
|
`The lady looks strange at you when you`
|
|
`grab her wheelchair and kick her away`
|
|
`down the street. Since there's a little`
|
|
`slope here she's not able to stop.`
|
|
`After a few seconds she roll out on the`
|
|
`main road and is immediately crushed by`
|
|
`the heavy traffic. Since the traffic `
|
|
`is driving here all the time without`
|
|
`any visible end, this accident will`
|
|
`probably not be known before 1998.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Seconds later you are killed by a shot`
|
|
`from another relative.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Damn ghettos! Only in-breeding.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; laughdrive
|
|
|
|
`Ahahahaahahahah! You don't mind the`
|
|
`sign saying "Kor Sakta. Lekande barn"`
|
|
`(Swedes Only joke), instead you drive`
|
|
`right into the crowd of little people.`
|
|
`Bodies are thrown up on the hood and`
|
|
`splattered against your windscreen.`
|
|
`Ahahahahaha! Small body-parts like hands,`
|
|
`heads and legs are thrown around and`
|
|
`knocks down bypassing walkers in streams`
|
|
`of gore and blood. Ahahahahahahaha!`
|
|
`One body (from a little girl I think) is`
|
|
`plunged right through a window and lands`
|
|
`with a nice splat on the wall inside`
|
|
`someone's apartment. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Oh, it's a great sight this...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Something that's not so great is that`
|
|
`you can't see where you are driving!`
|
|
`The windscreen is smeared with blood`
|
|
`which means: PANIC!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`What are you going to do?`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Look out through the side window.` ; lookit
|
|
` 2 - Turn on your windshield viper.` ; vipeit
|
|
|
|
; lookit
|
|
|
|
`You plunge your head out through the`
|
|
`side window. Your head is immediately`
|
|
`removed from your body because of`
|
|
`flying trash from your wheels.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Your headless body drives around in`
|
|
`a few seconds more before your car`
|
|
`crashes into a Mercedes.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`And what happened to your head? Well,`
|
|
`some confused negros started to play`
|
|
`basketball with it.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Deja-vu?)` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; vipeit
|
|
|
|
`Gniii, gniii. Oh, god why can't`
|
|
`anything work when you really need it?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`That was your last thought before your`
|
|
`car in high speed penetrated a shopping-`
|
|
`window and explodes into a filled super-`
|
|
`market causing death and destruction.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Everyone saw however the funny side.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; ciggdrive
|
|
|
|
`Despite the fact that you are on way of`
|
|
`causing The Accident Of The Year you`
|
|
`still don't mind. Instead you put a`
|
|
`cigarette to your mouth and...blast! You`
|
|
`dropped your lighter on the floor! When`
|
|
`bending down to pick it up you bang your`
|
|
`head into the steering-wheel causing the`
|
|
`car to skid and stop, four inches from a`
|
|
`child. Seems like coolness helps`
|
|
`everyone nowadays!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You step out of your car and meet the`
|
|
`crowd of children and parents who are`
|
|
`screaming things like "uaah our hero`
|
|
`brad nixon!". Since you hate children`
|
|
`the sound of your radio,calling for you,`
|
|
`is a relief comparable with visiting the`
|
|
`toilet. You quickly jump into your car`
|
|
`again and drive away from the hysterical`
|
|
`crowd, who would probably have eaten you`
|
|
`alive if you had stayed.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You pick up the microphone and ask HQ`
|
|
`what they want. A sweet female voice`
|
|
`explains that someone has called 911`
|
|
`and screamed that a black-dressed man`
|
|
`is trying to break into this person's`
|
|
`apartment. This person also said that`
|
|
`the man was missing his left arm and`
|
|
`that's why HQ called you...`
|
|
`Could it be true or was it just a`
|
|
`coincidence? Is The Man still alive`
|
|
`and still terrorizing innocent people?`
|
|
`The only way to find the answers is to`
|
|
`take your gun and put the pig on the`
|
|
`run!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`HQ informs you that the crime is in`
|
|
`progress at address so-and-so in the`
|
|
`Bronx. You put the pedal to the metal`
|
|
`and swear that this time you will`
|
|
`personally make sure that he stays dead!`
|
|
`Have a nice day!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`After a few minutes you arrive at the`
|
|
`address. The building is an ugly one, and`
|
|
`the apartment is, judging by the number,`
|
|
`on the third floor. A man rushes out`
|
|
`from the main door and to your car.`
|
|
`"Finally! Some weirdo has broken into`
|
|
`our home and is holding my wife and my`
|
|
`daughter as hostages!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Calm down", you reply. "I am trained`
|
|
`for situations like these!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Well, almost anyway)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Seems like it's time to prove that you`
|
|
`really are trained for "situations like`
|
|
`these". How?`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Use the police megaphone and scream`
|
|
` things like "You are surrounded!` ; megaphone
|
|
` 2 - Draw your Magnum and fire against`
|
|
` the window.` ; stressfire
|
|
` 3 - Grab your Mossberg 12-gauge shotgun`
|
|
` (placed between the seats in your`
|
|
` car) and dash into the house.` ; mossberg
|
|
|
|
; megaphone
|
|
|
|
`You speak into the mega-phone "Mister!`
|
|
`Let's cut the crap! Come out or we will`
|
|
`make meatballs out of your dead body`
|
|
`when we have knocked you cold!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The man looks surprised at you. "Aren't`
|
|
`you cops supposed to be calm and`
|
|
`careful when you try to talk out`
|
|
`criminals!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"This IS calm and careful! Trust me, I`
|
|
`know what I'm doing!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Nothing seems to happen. You try again.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Sucker! You got five seconds to release`
|
|
`the daughter! One hostage is enough!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Suddenly a loud bang is heard and the`
|
|
`window to the apartment explodes in a`
|
|
`rain of glass. In horror you watch how`
|
|
`a small body is plunged out through the`
|
|
`window and falls all three storeys down`
|
|
`and lands on the hood of your car.`
|
|
`A voice from above is heard. "Here she`
|
|
`is!" The body makes a large spot of`
|
|
`blood on your car and rolls off.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Is THIS what you are trained to DO!?"`
|
|
`shouts the man beside you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"A little mistake maybe but..."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The man suddenly grabs you by your throat`
|
|
`and tries to strangle you with a mad`
|
|
`look in his eyes.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Urrg! This is not good at all!`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Explain to him that he is actually`
|
|
` trying to kill you and that's not`
|
|
` good since it will lead to several`
|
|
` years in jail.` ; exploman
|
|
` 2 - Use your legal right to defend`
|
|
` yourself (I.e kill him.)` ; blowman
|
|
|
|
; mossberg
|
|
|
|
`You open the door to your police car and`
|
|
`grab the shotgun. You crawl to the`
|
|
`front of your car and look carefully at`
|
|
`the window above. None is seen. Quickly`
|
|
`you jump forward and roll the five`
|
|
`metres to the main door. This procedure`
|
|
`didn't take more than three seconds.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You open the rusty door and enter.`
|
|
`Inside, you find an old staircase`
|
|
`leading up. As you already know, the`
|
|
`apartment you are on your way to is on`
|
|
`the third floor. Hmm...there seems to be`
|
|
`an elevator here too.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Walk the stairs.` ; stair
|
|
` 2 - Use the elevator.` ; elevator
|
|
|
|
; exploman
|
|
|
|
`You explain the facts to the man and`
|
|
`believe it or not, he releases you!`
|
|
`"Maybe you are right" he says.
|
|
` `
|
|
`Ah what a respect for the law! Now...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"But maybe you are WRONG!" he suddenly`
|
|
`screams and tries to reach for your`
|
|
`throat again! But this time you give`
|
|
`him no time. You let him have a bullet`
|
|
`right in the head. The man flies a`
|
|
`couple of metres and lands on his dead`
|
|
`daughter. Damn fool! He shouldn't have`
|
|
`messed around with Brad Nixon!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The familiar sound of another police car`
|
|
`is suddenly heard on your left side.`
|
|
`Looking that direction confirms it.`
|
|
`Another police is on it's way at a high`
|
|
`speed. Some neighbour must have called`
|
|
`again during your little intermezzo.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Rush into the building.` ; rush
|
|
` 2 - Stay and explain.` ; explo
|
|
|
|
; explo
|
|
|
|
`You scream to the oncoming car "Hello!"`
|
|
`What the...can't the idiot find the`
|
|
`brakes or why is he...`
|
|
` ` ; cont1
|
|
`The car runs over you and kills you`
|
|
`immediately. Your dead body doesn't`
|
|
`feel how the car once again runs you`
|
|
`over before the two policemen jumps`
|
|
`out and empties their magazines into`
|
|
`you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"We made it Clark.",says one of them`
|
|
`to the other.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"But Bengt, why's he wearing a uniform?"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Oops. What a mistake. But they must`
|
|
`forgive us! We have only been in the`
|
|
`force for two days!` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; blowman
|
|
|
|
`You place the gun to the man's stomach`
|
|
`and pulls the trigger. You feel a great`
|
|
`satisfaction as the man scream while 20%`
|
|
`of his body is vaporized. Just one `
|
|
`problem...he doesn't release you from`
|
|
`his grip around your throat. Ughh agghh`
|
|
`let me go you sucker! You let five more`
|
|
`bullets explode into him at various`
|
|
`places until only his arms are left. But`
|
|
`he's still holding tight! Damn aargh!`
|
|
`You drop your gun and try to push away`
|
|
`the arms from yourself but it's hope-`
|
|
`less. You fall to the ground, dead as a`
|
|
`doornail, strangled by a dead man.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`But don't be sorry! Guiness book of `
|
|
`records made you famous by ranking you`
|
|
`as No 1 "most bizarre death"! That means`
|
|
`that the old one, who died by swallowing`
|
|
`a tooth-pick, is forgotten.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; stair
|
|
|
|
`You begin to slowly walk up the stairs,`
|
|
`keeping an eye upwards all the time.`
|
|
`Everything is completely silent.The only`
|
|
`sound heard is your walking.The sweat is`
|
|
`already dripping from you when you reach`
|
|
`the first floor. Two to go. You continue`
|
|
`upwards, holding the shotgun tight to`
|
|
`your body, ready to fire.`
|
|
`Finally you reach the second floor.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Hold on! No..it can't be true..the`
|
|
`silence is suddenly vaporized as you`
|
|
`can hear steps walking down the stairs`
|
|
`above you...slowly.`
|
|
`Towards you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Bend down and wait.` ; bend
|
|
` 2 - Attack!` ; attack
|
|
|
|
; attack
|
|
|
|
`YaaHereWeGoYiaaa! You jump out from the`
|
|
`dark and rush a couple of steps up and`
|
|
`fire a heavy charge against the dark`
|
|
`silhouette on the stair above you. He's`
|
|
`thrown against the wall and you continue`
|
|
`to feed him with lead. Aha! A gun falls`
|
|
`down from him! He's obviously an `
|
|
`assassin! You fire some shots again and`
|
|
`the dancing man drops something more.`
|
|
`Aha! A stick! Probably stolen from some`
|
|
`old man to be used for crime! You let`
|
|
`him have three shots more and something`
|
|
`more falls to your feet.
|
|
` `
|
|
`Aha! False teeth! Er...what?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You hold your fire and the shadow falls`
|
|
`down the stairs. This is incredible. The`
|
|
`man you just transformed into confetti`
|
|
`is an old pensioner! When you examine`
|
|
`the gun you find out that it's an`
|
|
`old gun from the second world war,`
|
|
`loaded. Idiot! Why couldn't he let`
|
|
`the police handle this?! In anger you`
|
|
`fire another shot into the dead body!`
|
|
`And another! By now it should be clear`
|
|
`to him who's in charge here!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Blam! The door above you is opened and`
|
|
`light from the windows inside the`
|
|
`apartment makes you blind for a second.`
|
|
`But you can see how someone raises a gun`
|
|
`against you. But you are already holding`
|
|
`your gun! You turn the deadly side of it`
|
|
`to the man and pull the trigger! Bye!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Click.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Well, well, well! It seems like all your`
|
|
`bullets are inside the old man at the`
|
|
`moment!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`BOOOOM! SHLAAFS!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(That was not your gun, unfortunately.)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(But your brain, however!)` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; bend
|
|
|
|
`You bend down and hear how the steps`
|
|
`are coming closer above you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Crash! Crash? What the...you can feel`
|
|
`how something is landing on your back`
|
|
`which makes you tumble down the stair,`
|
|
`all way down to the first floor again.`
|
|
`Uh? It seems like the stair broke down`
|
|
`and the man fell down right onto you!`
|
|
`Confused you quickly stand up and give`
|
|
`the man a good kick in the head.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Mistake! The man turns out to just be a`
|
|
`old pensioner! How is this possible?`
|
|
`Why must every jerk be in your fucking`
|
|
`way?! The man is trying to say something`
|
|
`and you bend down to listen.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"..ugh...here my friend...take this and`
|
|
`destroy the evil...(on third floor)"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Hmm...the pensioner gives you an old`
|
|
`grenade, probably from the second`
|
|
`world war. With tears in your eye`
|
|
`you say "Thankyou old mate!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`One second later you are dead. The`
|
|
`fool forgot to tell you that he had`
|
|
`removed the sprint.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Damn senile old fart!` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; elevator
|
|
|
|
`Ah! A excellent choice! Why use your`
|
|
`legs when you can use modern techno?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You open the door to the elevator and`
|
|
`find an old drunk lying on the floor`
|
|
`working hard to barf all over the`
|
|
`floor. Nice. You try to step over the`
|
|
`puddles of ex-food to reach the buttons`
|
|
`but you fail, of course. Could anything`
|
|
`else have been expected? Sigh...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You press the button marked "3" and the`
|
|
`elevator begins a slowly journey upwards.`
|
|
`You try to ignore the drunk who has`
|
|
`stopped vomiting and is now singing`
|
|
`songs about "how I fucked three sailors`
|
|
`in a row after I had shot the captain".`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Kling! The elevator has reached it's`
|
|
`destination! Carefully, you look through`
|
|
`the small window. Yeah...the door to the`
|
|
`apartment is open and a shadow with a`
|
|
`gun is looking out...`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Jump out and FIRE!` ; jumpfire
|
|
` 2 - Fire through the small window!` ; smallfire
|
|
` 3 - Walk out and introduce yourself`
|
|
` as Franz Kafka.` ; franz
|
|
|
|
; jumpfire
|
|
|
|
`Alarm! You kick the door open and rush`
|
|
`out and...whatthehell?..you can't stop!`
|
|
`The disgusting shit which you stepped`
|
|
`on in the elevator makes you skid past`
|
|
`the man, down the stairs, through a`
|
|
`door, into another apartment, into a`
|
|
`kitchen through a window and two floors`
|
|
`down.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`YYYAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHL!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`On your way down you see EIGHT crimes`
|
|
`in progress through the windows you`
|
|
`pass!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You scream "YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST!"`
|
|
`before you hit the ground.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; smallfire
|
|
|
|
`BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Three nice shots`
|
|
`shakes the elevator and sends the man`
|
|
`flying into the apartment again! Ha!`
|
|
`Let's...vafan? You hear a loud crack`
|
|
`and suddenly the elevator is on its`
|
|
`way down again! In high speed! Oh god,`
|
|
`why can't the negros build safe`
|
|
`elevators who can stand a few shots!`
|
|
`The old man vomits again and due to`
|
|
`the fall down you get it all in your`
|
|
`face. Disgusting! Uhh...but it seems`
|
|
`like the old man had class anyway! The`
|
|
`vomit tastes J&B!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`A fruity taste with a strong...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Crash.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; franz
|
|
|
|
`Godday, I'm Franz Kafka."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The shadow answers:`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"And I'm Elvis Presley."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`BLAM!` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; stressfire
|
|
|
|
`It's strange how many ways life has...`
|
|
`your shot runs away, into the window,`
|
|
`the ceiling of the apartment, through`
|
|
`the floor and into a chair on the`
|
|
`fourth floor. The chair is plunged`
|
|
`away, over the room and into the head`
|
|
`of a man who is just injecting a dose`
|
|
`of heroine into his veins. When the`
|
|
`chair hits him he sticks the cannula in`
|
|
`his eye instead and screams in pain.`
|
|
`His brother, who is in another room,`
|
|
`smoking grass, thinks the scream is a`
|
|
`sign from god to kill his mother. He`
|
|
`draws a knife and begins to stab her.`
|
|
`After a while he realizes that she`
|
|
`can't feel so much because she's in`
|
|
`Canada at the moment. In a desperate try`
|
|
`to reach her he jumps into the wall and`
|
|
`knocks himself unconscious. His great`
|
|
`jump into the wall however, shakes the`
|
|
`building so violently that a kitchen`
|
|
`table on the floor above collapses.`
|
|
`A model of a submarine rolls of the`
|
|
`table and out through the window. Since`
|
|
`the model was 200 kg heavy it made a`
|
|
`10 feet deep crater.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`At the bottom of the crater you could`
|
|
`find your car, your gun and you.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; rush
|
|
|
|
`You take a big leap onto the roof of`
|
|
`your car and then a big jump to the`
|
|
`main entrance. The other police car is`
|
|
`closing in and stops with a screech`
|
|
`outside. As you expected, they are not`
|
|
`on your side by some reason since they`
|
|
`draw their guns you take cover behind`
|
|
`the car. You quickly open the door,`
|
|
`rush inside and throw yourself to the`
|
|
`floor. Two seconds later the entrance`
|
|
`is the scene for heavy fire. The two`
|
|
`cops shoot and shoot and shoot against`
|
|
`you but every bullet misses. Parts of`
|
|
`the door, the wall and the staircase`
|
|
`is raining over you like the inferno`
|
|
`of hell. You can hear them scream to`
|
|
`each other`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"(Blam, Blam) I think I got him, Clark!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"No you didn't! Idiot! (Blam, Blam)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Aim for his legs!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Where?"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"There!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Blam, Blam, KRASH)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Hey Bengt! It wasn't his legs! It was`
|
|
`a mailbox!". (Blam, Blam)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Thanks for the information Clark!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Well...it seems like your opponents`
|
|
`aren't the brightest ones. After a`
|
|
`while they have emptied their lousy`
|
|
`92F's and you can hear them fumble`
|
|
`with their spare magazines.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Wait.` ; waitit
|
|
` 2 - Walk out slowly with the hands over`
|
|
` your head and explain some basic`
|
|
` facts.` ; basicit
|
|
` 3 - Kill. (The original and BEST)` ; killit
|
|
|
|
; waitit
|
|
|
|
`You begin to wait. Nothing happens.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Uh, Author Guru Meditation Error Zwow)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`AAH! How the hell could you choose wait?`
|
|
`Oh my god, you are stupid! Stupid!`
|
|
`I hate you! Fuck you! I ought to give`
|
|
`you The Slut for this but I can't!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`HAHAHA! They both kill you! They blow`
|
|
`your brain away! HAHAHA! (Where's my`
|
|
`valium?) And then they eat you for`
|
|
`lunch! HAHAHAHA! (Where the fuck is`
|
|
`my valium??) HAHAHAAH!`
|
|
`My god how could you WAIT? THAt MUSt Be`
|
|
`the dumBest Thinsg Yououu coualdskshoose`
|
|
`forch34388ssake83jawohlva3Msmgamla stan2` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; killit
|
|
|
|
`Kill what?`
|
|
` `
|
|
dc.v ` 1 - Yourself.` ; you
|
|
` 2 - The suckers behind the car.` ; suckers
|
|
|
|
; you
|
|
|
|
`Boom.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; suckers
|
|
|
|
`You slowly stand up and look for the two`
|
|
`jerks. Ahh..they heads are visible above`
|
|
`the car. You draw your gun carefully and`
|
|
`place the sight on them. `
|
|
` `
|
|
`BOOOOM!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Something explodes inside you and you`
|
|
`can feel how your chest is torn to`
|
|
`pieces and smeared all over the wall.`
|
|
`With a deadly wound you fall to the`
|
|
`ground and feel how life run away`
|
|
`to A Place Somewhere Else.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`An old man behind you shouts`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Hey Lads! I got him! Did you see that?"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The two policemen look up and see a old`
|
|
`man walking out from the door with a gun`
|
|
`from World War II in his hand.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Nervous cops are never good. They kill`
|
|
`him immediately and when he lies still`
|
|
`they empty another magazine into him.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"We made it Clark!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Interesting Facts: Bengt and Clark were`
|
|
`fried in The Chair two months later)` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; basicit
|
|
|
|
`You drop your gun to the floor and walk`
|
|
`out. The two jerks are still wondering`
|
|
`how to reload "the fucking gun". When`
|
|
`you reach the car which they have`
|
|
`hidden behind they finally manage to`
|
|
`push the magazine into the gun.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Clark, where is he?", one of them say.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You reply: "I am here, idiot."
|
|
` `
|
|
`"AAAAHHHHH! Bengt, he's gonna kill us!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Clark draws his gun and empties the mag`
|
|
`at you. The length between you and`
|
|
`him is approx two metres.`
|
|
`All the bullets miss.`
|
|
`Bengt sees his partners failure and`
|
|
`try to kill you too but he aims`
|
|
`very bad too and kills Clark instead.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`He screams "Sorry Clark!", before he`
|
|
`tries to kill you again. This time he`
|
|
`aims even worse and blows his own`
|
|
`brain away. `
|
|
` `
|
|
`Well...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Maybe it's time to take care of the`
|
|
`REAL criminal in the apartment on the`
|
|
`third floor now. You run into the`
|
|
`building again, not forgetting to pick`
|
|
`up your Magnum on the way, quickly up`
|
|
`the stairs until you are on the third`
|
|
`floor with the door to the apartment`
|
|
`in front of you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Open the door and rush inside.` ; openthe
|
|
` 2 - Blow the door to pieces with`
|
|
` your gun, run inside and`
|
|
` destroy more with a smile`
|
|
` on your face (etc etc)` ; blowthe
|
|
` 3 - Wait.` ; waitthe
|
|
|
|
; openthe
|
|
|
|
`Aattaaaaaack! You grab the handle of`
|
|
`the door and with great force you`
|
|
`pull it open.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Very impressive since it was locked.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You throw yourself into the apartment,`
|
|
`shooting at everything moving.`
|
|
`Unfortunately nothing IS actually`
|
|
`moving right here so you shoot at`
|
|
`everything you see. Mirrors, walls,`
|
|
`the TV, a stereo, the toilet and that`
|
|
`little lamp that lights when someone`
|
|
`opens the fridge.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`No mercy!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Great work. But where's the`
|
|
`criminal? All rooms are empty`
|
|
`and`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Black.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Down...down...down the black hole...` ; black
|
|
|
|
; blowthe
|
|
|
|
`Blam! Blam! Blaaaam! You place three`
|
|
`nice shots against the door which is`
|
|
`vaporized and gone. HA!`
|
|
`You throw yourself into the apartment,`
|
|
`shooting at everything moving.`
|
|
`Unfortunately nothing is actually`
|
|
`moving right here so you shoot at`
|
|
`everything you see. Mirrors, `
|
|
`walls, the TV, a stereo, the toilet`
|
|
`and that little lamp that lights`
|
|
`when someone opens the fridge.`
|
|
`No mercy!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`But you can't see `
|
|
` `
|
|
`Black.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Down...down...down the black hole...` ; black
|
|
|
|
; waitthe
|
|
|
|
`You wait. Nothing really happens.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`But...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Suddenly something big and bad, made`
|
|
`by wood is plunged against you in`
|
|
`high speed! ARGH! You feel how it hits`
|
|
`you over the face and `
|
|
` `
|
|
`Black.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Later, you realized that it was the`
|
|
`door to the apartment that someone`
|
|
`opened with great force)` ; black
|
|
|
|
; black
|
|
|
|
`"Can you hear me, Brad?"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Uh) Everything is dark. And trough`
|
|
`the darkness you hear a voice calling`
|
|
`your name. Is it Destiny, ready to `
|
|
`take you over the river Styx to the`
|
|
`land far away? Where life has no`
|
|
`meaning and love is forgotten?`
|
|
`Where the evil shalt be punished, and`
|
|
`the good will get their reward?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"I know you can hear me, Brad."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You open your eyes and find yourself`
|
|
`lying in a bed at the hospital.`
|
|
`Bending over you is a man who is `
|
|
`wearing a police uniform. You can't`
|
|
`recognize him, but he looks rather`
|
|
`harmless.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Ah, welcome back Brad! We found you`
|
|
`lying in the stairway, outside the`
|
|
`apartment that you were going to`
|
|
`investigate."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"You did? Yes, you see...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"...we also found five dead bodies.`
|
|
`One man, killed by your gun, one`
|
|
`girl, killed by falling out from`
|
|
`a window and two police men,`
|
|
`killed by...eh...themselves.`
|
|
`In the apartment we found a woman,`
|
|
`killed by a kitchen knife.`
|
|
`Any comments?"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Self-defence."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"I see. Well, a shame we couldn't find`
|
|
`the killer to the other four victims.`
|
|
`But that's life! By the way, I'm your`
|
|
`new boss around here!`
|
|
`Nice to meet you!" He grabs your hand`
|
|
`and shakes it violent before he turns`
|
|
`around and leaves the room.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You are alone in your room again.`
|
|
`Great. How are you supposed to do any`
|
|
`work from here? Better get going...`
|
|
`You rise from the bed and...ngnn!`
|
|
`A flash of lightning strikes your`
|
|
`head! When you have recovered you`
|
|
`discover that your head is wrapped`
|
|
`with bandage. Even more great.`
|
|
`But who cares? A little wound to the`
|
|
`head hasn't stopped you before!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You dress quickly and leave your room.`
|
|
`A nurse tries to stop you but just push`
|
|
`her away and say "trust-me-I-know-what`
|
|
`I'm-doing".`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"I forbid you to leave this hospital!"`
|
|
`she screams behind you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Bah! "Forbids"? I would like to see her`
|
|
`stop me from leaving this place!`
|
|
`You walk through long white corridors`
|
|
`until you find an elevator which you`
|
|
`use. You take it to the bottom floor`
|
|
`and head for the exit.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Hold it now. What's THAT?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`In front of the exit you see two huge`
|
|
`"big-mamas" waiting for someone.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Mr Nixon, NO ONE leaves this hospital`
|
|
`without OUR permission!" says one of`
|
|
`them with a deep voice.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Everything is suddenly completely silent`
|
|
`around you. Patients, nurses and other`
|
|
`people clears the area quickly.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - "Bah!" (and walk past them)` ; bah1
|
|
` 2 - "Banzai!" (and kick 'em down)` ; banzai
|
|
` 3 - "Yikes!" (and RUN!)` ; yikes
|
|
|
|
; bah1
|
|
|
|
`"Move it Mama!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Get lost!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`One of them grabs you and presses you`
|
|
`hard to her chest. The pain is`
|
|
`incredible and it feels like your`
|
|
`bones are going to break any second.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`She says "How do ya like this loooser?"`
|
|
`while drooling all over you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Agh, uughh...you try to kick her but`
|
|
`she's so fat that you can't hurt her.`
|
|
`After a while she releases you and`
|
|
`throws you to her partner. She grabs`
|
|
`one of your legs and start spinning`
|
|
`you around. AaaaAaahaHAHaahahhhh!`
|
|
`Then she suddenly let you go and you`
|
|
`feel how you fly away...away...`
|
|
`away...(until you) CRASH!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You are thrown right through a window`
|
|
`and into some kind of a waiting-room.`
|
|
`You land on a table that breaks down`
|
|
`and leaves you on the floor with a`
|
|
`thousand pieces of glass around you.`
|
|
`From outside you hear how the two giants`
|
|
`are closing in.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Use your .44 and waste them!` ; 44
|
|
` 2 - Think.` ; think
|
|
` 3 - RUN!` ; yikes
|
|
|
|
; banzai
|
|
|
|
`You walk slowly against them as you`
|
|
`were on your way out. But when you`
|
|
`are one yard from one of them you`
|
|
`take a leap and RAUS! a hard kick in`
|
|
`the face og the bitch!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`It feels like kicking a stone. You fall`
|
|
`to the ground with a broken foot.`
|
|
`Above you, the fat mama is smiling with`
|
|
`a mean look.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Looks like our friend want some real`
|
|
`heavy wrestling, Lisa!" says one of`
|
|
`them and...oh no...makes a drop-kick`
|
|
`a la wrestling onto you!`
|
|
`You feel how the floor under you`
|
|
`collapses. You, and the fat lady, falls`
|
|
`down to the basement where she lands`
|
|
`on you AGAIN! This time every bone in`
|
|
`your body is completely crushed.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; yikes
|
|
|
|
`"Nice to meet you, but I'll have to be`
|
|
`on my way now!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`AARGH! You turn around and start to run`
|
|
`for your life. You hear how the ladies`
|
|
`behind you chuckle and begin to run`
|
|
`after you. You run through a deserted`
|
|
`white corridor (where are all people?)`
|
|
`with the ladies after you. I must say`
|
|
`that they seem to be in very good shape`
|
|
`even with bodies like cows. `
|
|
` `
|
|
`"You cannot escape from us!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`After endless corridors, with locked`
|
|
`doors and no exits you suddenly discover`
|
|
`that one of them is gone! `
|
|
` `
|
|
`(and yes you realize that you can't be`
|
|
`lucky enough to get RID of one of them`
|
|
`no of course she's)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`suddenly standing in front of you...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"We KNOW this hospital Mr Nixon!" says`
|
|
`one of them, smiling.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Prepare to DIE!" says the other one and`
|
|
`both of them begin to run against you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You seem to be trapped in the middle of`
|
|
`this... The ladies are running against`
|
|
`you from two directions like two trains`
|
|
`which will lead to a huge collision.`
|
|
`And you will probably look like a `
|
|
`pancake after it! Yargh Yikes Help uh!`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Use your .44 and stop them.` ; mag44
|
|
` 2 - Jump.` ; jump
|
|
` 3 - Duck.` ; duck
|
|
|
|
; think
|
|
|
|
`Idea...you grab the sharpest and meanest`
|
|
`piece of glass you can find on the`
|
|
`floor, then you crawl to the door and`
|
|
`hide beside it. Come on suckers...`
|
|
`When one of the ladies enter you jump`
|
|
`in front of it - eh - her and with a`
|
|
`coolfix look you say:`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"This is THE END for you!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(I know the bitch was ready`
|
|
` she started to get sweaty`
|
|
` but all that was on my mind was`
|
|
` kill that bitch LIKE FREDDY!"`
|
|
` (Getto Boys) `
|
|
` `
|
|
`You drive the piece of glass into her`
|
|
`stomach and rip it upward. She screams`
|
|
`in pain but the sound is soon gone and`
|
|
`only blood comes from her mouth.`
|
|
`You feel how her stomach, lungs and`
|
|
`heart falls onto you. You drive the`
|
|
`glass once more into her and this`
|
|
`time she falls to the ground...forward`
|
|
`...onto you. Hey wait a SCHLAFS!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Everything is dark. You are surrounded`
|
|
`by flesh and blood and you realize`
|
|
`that the dead body is lying on top of`
|
|
`you. Uh...this is disgusting!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Something hard and cold is pressing on`
|
|
`your leg. You reach for it in the dark-`
|
|
`ness and discover that it's your .44!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`And how will you get out from this?`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Search for an exit.` ; searchout
|
|
` 2 - Blast a hole with your gun!` ; fireout
|
|
` 3 - Wait.` ; waitout
|
|
|
|
; waitout
|
|
|
|
`You wait. From outside, you can hear`
|
|
`how the other lady enters and scream`
|
|
`in horror when she discover the corpse.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"AAAAAARGGGH!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Hehe...I bet she didn't expect this!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`I guess you didn't expect her to grab`
|
|
`the corpse and lift it up. Light`
|
|
`strikes your eyes and you see how`
|
|
`the lady are holding the corpse in`
|
|
`her arms. She looks down and discovers`
|
|
`you, lying on the floor in a pile of`
|
|
`flesh and blood.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"I...KILL you...for THIS!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Use another piece of glass.` ; glass2
|
|
` 2 - "Make my day!"` ; make
|
|
` 3 - Run!` ; ruun
|
|
|
|
; glass2
|
|
|
|
`You grab another piece of glass, but`
|
|
`this time you cut yourself bad in the`
|
|
`hand instead. NNAAGHH! Pain!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The lady grabs you by the legs and throw`
|
|
`you away, into the wall. BONK!`
|
|
`Then she grabs your head like a`
|
|
`bowling-ball, with two fingers in`
|
|
`your eyes! She spin you around`
|
|
`and throw you into the wall again.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Strike!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`This time you try to escape but you`
|
|
`are blind. You run in darkness and`
|
|
`miss the door.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The lady grabs you again, but this`
|
|
`time she's tired of playing.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`She say: "Thanks for the tip!", and`
|
|
`cut your throat with a piece of glass.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; make
|
|
|
|
`"Make my..."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`She grabs your head and with a gentle`
|
|
`snap breaks your skull in two.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"...day..."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Fast answers - die young.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; ruun
|
|
|
|
`You try to run away but you slip on`
|
|
`some unidentified piece of meat`
|
|
`and falls into the lady's arms.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Eh...well..."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Welcome to MY playground!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`She puts her greasy hands in your`
|
|
`mouth and rips your skull in two`
|
|
`parts.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`And what she does after THAT is REALLY`
|
|
`horrible!` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; searchout
|
|
|
|
`You begin to feel around for some kind`
|
|
`of opening in this meat ball. After a `
|
|
`short while you finally manage to find`
|
|
`one in the lower part of the body.`
|
|
`You crawl ut and discover that you have`
|
|
`used the lady's giant rectum as an exit.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`I think I must throw up.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Control yourself.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`No, you can't. You bend forward and`
|
|
`prepare to let your last meal go away`
|
|
`in a big flood. You open the mouth...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`MFff! Vfn nRa?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Something sticky and plastic is placed`
|
|
`over your mouth! You turn around and`
|
|
`see how the other lady is holding a`
|
|
`piece of tape in her hand. She's`
|
|
`looking at you like she waited for`
|
|
`something to happen.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`And it happen. You feel how you throw`
|
|
`up but you can't get it out because of`
|
|
`the tape! You try to remove it but it's`
|
|
`too late! The vomits turn around and`
|
|
`fills your lungs.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You struggle for a couple of minutes`
|
|
`before you slip away.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(No comments)` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; fireout
|
|
|
|
`You place the gun away from you and fire`
|
|
`three shots. Three big holes appear`
|
|
`in front of you and it's enough for you`
|
|
`to punch yourself a big hole. You crawl`
|
|
`out from the body.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"There you are!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Who? The other fat lady is running`
|
|
`towards you with a piece of glass in`
|
|
`her hand. But this time you are ready!`
|
|
`You rise your gun and gives her one in`
|
|
`the head. It explodes and she falls`
|
|
`to the floor. She drops the piece of`
|
|
`glass and it runs right through her`
|
|
`left eye and head.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Ha! Who rules? You take a step forward`
|
|
`to leave this mess, but you slip on`
|
|
`something and fall.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Murphy's Law 452: "the one who slips`
|
|
`is doomed to fall on the piece of`
|
|
`glass that is stuck into the head`
|
|
`of the fat lady he just killed and`
|
|
`achieve enough brain damage to die"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`I don't think I got it, really...` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; jump
|
|
|
|
`You try to jump over one of them but one`
|
|
`second to late! The ladies run into`
|
|
`you and...well...like a tomato between`
|
|
`the wheel of a car and the road, you are`
|
|
`crushed and smeared all over the floor,`
|
|
`walls and ceiling.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Actually, you are so completely crushed`
|
|
`that the hospital decided that there was`
|
|
`no idea the scrap you off. They took`
|
|
`some brushes and made a red corridor`
|
|
`with the help from your body instead.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; mag44
|
|
|
|
`The ladies are closing in...you reach`
|
|
`for your weapon but...hey! It's gone!`
|
|
`It must have been taken from you`
|
|
`when you were asleep! Oh, uh, eh?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`We are really sorry that this game has`
|
|
`no sound-FX.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`However...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Bam, shl242ABBa, CHhlaffs, aRgH, axff.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; 44
|
|
|
|
`You reach for your .44 but...where is`
|
|
`it? Your holster is empty. Damn! It `
|
|
`must have been taken from you while`
|
|
`you were asleep! Some of the nurses`
|
|
`must have...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Looking for this, Mr Nixon?" `
|
|
` `
|
|
`You rise your head slowly, prepared`
|
|
`for a shock. As you expected, one`
|
|
`of them are holding your gun.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Do you want it, Mr Nixon?"`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - "Oh, yes please"` ; Ohyeah
|
|
` 2 - "Well, you see..."` ; Ohsee
|
|
` 3 - "Absolutely not!"` ; Ohnot
|
|
|
|
; Ohyeah
|
|
|
|
`"Yes, I actually would like to have MY`
|
|
`gun back!", you answer.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Catch!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The lady throws the gun against you but`
|
|
`you are unable to catch it. (Maybe due`
|
|
`to all drugs?) The gun lands in front`
|
|
`of you. Uh, oh. It seems to be cocked!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You are completely right. The gun goes`
|
|
`off and the charge lands into you.`
|
|
`You are thrown back with your stomach`
|
|
`one yard behind you.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; Ohnot
|
|
|
|
`"No, I don't want it"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Take the bullets anyway"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`She aim and fire. You get all the`
|
|
`bullets.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Simple perfect and perfect simple.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; Ohsee
|
|
|
|
`"Well, you see..."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Silence)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Uhm...", you continue.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The bitches looks at each other and`
|
|
`then at you. They don't really know`
|
|
`what to do.`
|
|
`You decide to continue on this line.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Uhm...eh...well...er...hmm...uh...`
|
|
`ahem...ah...no...oh?"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"I HATE TO GET CONFUSED", says one`
|
|
`of them and aims the gun against`
|
|
`you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Eh? Well...maybe I should...no."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Stop it! My brain can't..."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Suddenly she drops the gun and falls`
|
|
`to the floor. Blood is slowly dripping`
|
|
`from one of her ears.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"You killed her with your unstable`
|
|
`information! I can't live no longer!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The other lady grabs your gun and`
|
|
`place it to her mouth. Her head`
|
|
`explodes like a water-balloon and`
|
|
`your gun drops to the floor.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Unstable information?)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`There seems to be no other enemies`
|
|
`around right now, so you pick up your`
|
|
`gun and head for the exit.` ; EXIT
|
|
|
|
; duck
|
|
|
|
`You throw yourself to the floor with a`
|
|
`pray that you will survive this shit.`
|
|
`The two ladies are not able stop`
|
|
`their bodies so they run into each`
|
|
`other and an incredible explosion`
|
|
`occur. You feel how the earth shakes`
|
|
`below you. You look up and see how`
|
|
`arms, legs, brains and misc parts`
|
|
`are splattered all over the corridor.`
|
|
`A still pumping heart lands in front`
|
|
`of your face and explodes in a final`
|
|
`beat.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Clive Barker, where are you now?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`After the storm has passed you rise`
|
|
`and find to your relief that the`
|
|
`two bulldozers are gone forever.`
|
|
`Ah! Your .44 is lying on the floor!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You pick it up and is just going to`
|
|
`try to find the exit when a shot is`
|
|
`heard behind you. Parts from the`
|
|
`ceiling rains over you in small`
|
|
`pieces. You turn around and discover`
|
|
`a small man with a shotgun in his hand.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"HOLD IT! No one leaves this hospital`
|
|
`without my permission!" (sigh)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`He seems to be a doctor, judging from`
|
|
`his clothes.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Scream for cream.` ; cream
|
|
` 2 - Stressfire!` ; stress
|
|
` 3 - Give up.` ; give
|
|
|
|
; give
|
|
|
|
`"Ok, ok! I'll give up!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The man looks surprised at you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"You must be joking."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"No, I am not."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Yes, you are!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"No, I am not joking!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"YES, you are!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"NO!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`YES!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"WELL THEN KILL ME IF I DO!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Silence)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You continue "Well, I meant that..."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"..well, ok"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`BOOM!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`End of discussion.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; cream
|
|
|
|
`You fill your lungs with air and shout:`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Oi!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Two seconds later, you are completely`
|
|
`crushed by one ton of whipped cream.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Express from London.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; stressfire
|
|
|
|
`You throw yourself to the floor and`
|
|
`roll to the wall while cocking your`
|
|
`gun. In true commando-style, you fire`
|
|
`a couple of shots against the man.`
|
|
`The first hit him in the upper chest`
|
|
`and the other in his scrotum. He drops`
|
|
`the shotgun and falls to the floor,`
|
|
`dead as a doornail. A shot goes of from`
|
|
`it but misses you.`
|
|
`(Actually it splats a bypassing nurse,`
|
|
`but that's not really interesting)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Very nice.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Very nice indeed.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You stand up and run through long white`
|
|
`corridors to the exit of this madhouse!` ; EXIT
|
|
; EXIT
|
|
|
|
; EXIT
|
|
|
|
`Back on the street again...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`It's a sunny day and you make your way`
|
|
`on the sidewalk towards the main police`
|
|
`building. A new car would be nice! And`
|
|
`why not another task?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(A msg to all swedes: The word "task"`
|
|
`refers to a thing equal to "mission",`
|
|
`NOT in any case "kuk" or "balle")`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You do wonder where the famous Man `
|
|
`took his getaway from the house but`
|
|
`it doesn't bother you. He will`
|
|
`probably show up again - another time,`
|
|
`another place.`
|
|
`You have a long walk to complete. The`
|
|
`cop-central is four miles from here.`
|
|
`A car! My Magnum .44 for a car!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Hey! Move it!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Ehm? Is someone talking to you? You are`
|
|
`in the middle of a crossroad. You look`
|
|
`to the right and discover a bunch of`
|
|
`skinheads, armed with baseball bats and`
|
|
`iron sticks.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Oops.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`They look at you as they were going to`
|
|
`kill you any second. You freeze.`
|
|
`Then you discover that they are not`
|
|
`looking at you. You turn around and`
|
|
`see a bunch of long-haired, black-`
|
|
`dressed jews, armed with...uhm?...`
|
|
`nothing visible.`
|
|
`They scream at each other in a most`
|
|
`unpleasant way.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Get out fuckin' bastards! Sieg heil!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"You skinheads are only a group of`
|
|
`pigs! We'll kill you if you come any`
|
|
`closer!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Run back to the ghetto, fuckfaces!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Haha! We will crucify you all! Like`
|
|
`we did to that Jesus sucker!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Sieg heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`etc etc etc. More and more skinheads`
|
|
`and jews are coming. After a while`
|
|
`there's about a hundred of them`
|
|
`each. And you are in the middle of it!`
|
|
`They are in all four directions now,`
|
|
`so I guess you'll have to choose side`
|
|
`if you don't want to be crushed in`
|
|
`between.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Walk to the Skinheads.` ; skins
|
|
` 2 - Walk to the Jews.` ; jews
|
|
` 3 - Live fast, die young.` ; fastlive
|
|
|
|
; fastlive
|
|
|
|
`You pump up your muscles and scream:`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Yo! You are all wrong! I'm the best!`
|
|
`You skins are only a bunch of super-`
|
|
`jerks who only want to fuck dead`
|
|
`niggers! That's why you hate 'em!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Everything is suddenly silent.`
|
|
`You turn to the jews.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"And you! Why didn't Hitler fry you`
|
|
`all in his magic chambers? Why? You`
|
|
`damn pig-loving money-making bastards!`
|
|
`FUCK YOU!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The skinheads look at each other. The`
|
|
`jews look ar each other.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`And they attack. Hundreds of people`
|
|
`rush against you and with sticks,`
|
|
`knives and fists they finish you into`
|
|
`a meatloaf in minutes. As a final`
|
|
`humiliation, one of the skinheads shits`
|
|
`on you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Then they all go to the pub. You`
|
|
`actually made them friends after`
|
|
`2000 years of anger.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Congratulations.`
|
|
`Enjoy the heat of hell.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; skins
|
|
|
|
`Ein Volk.`
|
|
`Ein Reich.`
|
|
`Ein Brad Nixon.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You walk to the skinheads. A guy with`
|
|
`a nazicross on his shirt grabs you`
|
|
`and bangs his head against yours.`
|
|
`A friendly greeting, actually.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Yau! Whe' is tha youth? Come an'`
|
|
`joi' us in owa pla'groun'!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(translation: "Yau! Whe' us tha youth?`
|
|
`Come an' joi us in owa pla'groun'!")`
|
|
` `
|
|
`He continues: "Ouh! Let's kick sa'm`
|
|
`ars's 'n kill those fuggin' jews!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`He points at the jews and screams:`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Wao! let's goua!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Attack!` ; attackskin
|
|
` 2 - Run away from this madness!` ; runskin
|
|
` 3 - Scream for Cream.` ; cream
|
|
|
|
; attackskin
|
|
|
|
`You are stil a bit dizzy after the`
|
|
`headbanging meeting with the skinhead`
|
|
`leader.`
|
|
`You watch how the skins rush against`
|
|
`the jews with bats and sticks while`
|
|
`shouting: "Alaaaaarm!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Alarm?)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Even if the skins seems to be rather`
|
|
`heavily armed, the haven't much chance`
|
|
`against the jews who are armed with`
|
|
`submachine guns. Oh yes, UZIs.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Israeli technology beat bats. Cool.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You are pushed around the nazis and`
|
|
`doesn't really know what's going on`
|
|
`in the inferno around you.`
|
|
`Suddenly everything is quiet. You look`
|
|
`up and discover that all skins are`
|
|
`dead. Well.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You stand up and...and..."Hey! Look!`
|
|
`One of them are still alive! KILL!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Oh no! Damn! A crazed jew points his`
|
|
`gun against you!`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Jump to the left.` ; bah
|
|
` 2 - Jump, but to the right instead.` ; bah
|
|
|
|
; runskin
|
|
|
|
`Yargh! Let's get out of this sick`
|
|
`place! You make your way through the`
|
|
`nazis and end up behind them. Phew!`
|
|
`A few Dr Martens (the boot that unites`
|
|
`all races) tries to kick you, but you`
|
|
`evade them skillfully.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`This could be nice to watch I guess...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Do you want to watch what will`
|
|
`happen?`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Yes.` ; yeah
|
|
` 2 - No.` ; noo
|
|
|
|
; yeah
|
|
|
|
`A spectators view instead...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The nazis and jews are screaming at`
|
|
`each other for while. But suddenly,`
|
|
`or "finally", the nazis attack.`
|
|
`Armed with bats and stick, they finish`
|
|
`the jews fast...or...maybe not.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Actually, the jews pull submachine guns`
|
|
`from holsters and finishes the skins`
|
|
`instead. Well, well! Nazi heads, legs`
|
|
`and other body parts are flying around`
|
|
`and splats on the street. Disgusting!`
|
|
`After a short moment, all skins are`
|
|
`dead.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Interesting Facts: One jew was hurt!`
|
|
`He lighted up his beard by mistake`
|
|
`with a dropped cigarette)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Hey! There's another one!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`One jew points his gun against you and`
|
|
`seems to be on his way to kill! WAIT!`
|
|
`I AM NOT...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`He don't seem to listen. He will open`
|
|
`fire any second!`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Jump.` ; bah
|
|
` 2 - Duck. (Jerk Translation: "Bend Down",`
|
|
` not a bird!)` ; bah
|
|
|
|
; bah
|
|
|
|
`Ratatata! You try to evade the spitting`
|
|
`lead from the uzi but too late.`
|
|
`36 bullets enter your body and takes`
|
|
`you on a flight across the street and`
|
|
`into a trashcan. Klong!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Oh god, how could Hitler kill 6 million`
|
|
`jews and miss this one?!` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; noo
|
|
|
|
`No? jevla lamer what the fan ska jag`
|
|
`nu skriva da??? don't choose this`
|
|
`boring alternative next time jevla`
|
|
`fjant nu sabba du everything! Bah!`
|
|
`bah abha abhabhabvolvosasbaysioas` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; jews
|
|
|
|
`You turn around and walk to the jews.`
|
|
`A long-bearded man hugs you and kisses`
|
|
`you on your cheeks and says:`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"My humble friend! Welcome to us!`
|
|
`We will crush those non-haired nazis`
|
|
`with help from God (oh great), our`
|
|
`hands (he must be joking), our holy`
|
|
`book (ahah) and..."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`He grabs something from his coat.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"...one of the great gifts that the`
|
|
`israeli state has produced to help us`
|
|
`in situations like this!`
|
|
`The Holy Uzi!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The man gives you a 9 mm Uzi and two`
|
|
`clips. "Let's go!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`All jews reaches for their guns and`
|
|
`cocks them in a magic moment.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Now!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`BRAMMAGLMMABRATA! The skinheads drop`
|
|
`like flies when the jews open fire.`
|
|
`They laugh and thank god while pumping`
|
|
`lead. You are a bit confused and don't`
|
|
`really know what to do. You shoot some`
|
|
`nazis and some jews just for the sake`
|
|
`of it.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`After half an hour, the nazis are all`
|
|
`dead and are lying on the street in`
|
|
`their own blood. A few jews are walking`
|
|
`around and shoots the few that are only`
|
|
`hurt and still alive. The man who gave`
|
|
`you the uzi says:`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Thankyou for helping us! We'll sure`
|
|
`remember to spare you when we conquer`
|
|
`the earth! Until then, keep the gun as`
|
|
`a gift! Later.` ; EXIT2
|
|
|
|
; EXIT2
|
|
|
|
`Another day, another gun.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You walk away from the jews with the`
|
|
`Uzi in under your uniform. Strange, It`
|
|
`feels more comfortable than your .44.`
|
|
`A shame that you have only one clip.`
|
|
`But it's still enough to turn a human`
|
|
`into a pencil.`
|
|
`People bump into you while walking on`
|
|
`the crowded sidewalk towards the`
|
|
`police station. You want to draw your`
|
|
`uzi and pump the fat idiots who run`
|
|
`into you all the time with hot lead`
|
|
`but you save that to another time.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`A long walk...but...finally! You stand`
|
|
`in front of the little station to whom`
|
|
`you belong. It's a black house with`
|
|
`five storeys and with small bullet-`
|
|
`proof windows. Charming.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You walk to the entrance and discover`
|
|
`that the door is locked. A joke?`
|
|
`This station is never closed, not even`
|
|
`at night! Someone must have locked it`
|
|
`by mistake. Then you discover that all`
|
|
`lights are turned off in the entire`
|
|
`building. Great. You look through the`
|
|
`window and try to catch the attention`
|
|
`of the guard behind the desk in the`
|
|
`entrance. But there's no one there.`
|
|
`But there's something on the wall`
|
|
`behind...you look closer...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`It's a text smeared all over the wall..`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Helter Skelter"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Yikes! Can it be true? You don't waste`
|
|
`any time. The door swings open with a`
|
|
`helping blow from your .44`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You rush to the desk and confirm your`
|
|
`suspicion. The guard is lying behind`
|
|
`it, dead. His throat has been cut open,`
|
|
`and his tongue has been used as a brush`
|
|
`over the wall.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Bang!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`A door slams shut somewhere in the `
|
|
`building and the sound echoes through`
|
|
`the silent corridors.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Klek, klek, klek.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You hear someone walking on the floor`
|
|
`above you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Guess you can't call for backup now...`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Begin The Hunt.` ; hunter
|
|
` 2 - Rush outside and scream for help.` ; screamer
|
|
|
|
; screamer
|
|
|
|
`You throw yourself through the door and`
|
|
`run away screaming "HEELP! There's a`
|
|
`madman here!"`
|
|
`You run all the way to downtown where`
|
|
`you stop and begin to scream even more.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`What a sight. A man in uniform, with a`
|
|
`Magnum .44 and an Uzi, screaming like`
|
|
`a woman on her knees.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Yaaaa! Help!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`A fat man makes his way through the`
|
|
`crowd around you. He draws a little`
|
|
`gun and aims it at you, holding it`
|
|
`with both hands over his huge`
|
|
`stomach. He aims for at least twenty`
|
|
`seconds before he place a bullet`
|
|
`in your body.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Ouch!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Then he turn around, holding his hands`
|
|
`over his head and shouts:`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"I got him! Did you see that! I killed`
|
|
`him! Ha! I killed the madman!`
|
|
`I'm a...I'm a...HERO!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`George Bush gave him a medal.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; hunter
|
|
|
|
`You look around. There's an exit behind`
|
|
`you and a dark corridor in front of`
|
|
`you, leading into the station.`
|
|
`You recall that there's a staircase`
|
|
`in the end of the corridor.`
|
|
`You begin to walk. A compact darkness`
|
|
`surrounds you and makes you completely`
|
|
`blind. You bump into a wall and turn`
|
|
`to a new corridor to the left.`
|
|
`Everything is complete dark. You wish`
|
|
`that who-ever-he-is hasn't got those`
|
|
`hi-tech nightvision glasses, like`
|
|
`in "Silence of the lambs".`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Then you would be in deep shit.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Klek, klek...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You hear someone walking above you.`
|
|
`Sweat begins to drip from your head.`
|
|
`A deep, dark voice is suddenly heard,`
|
|
`echoing in the building.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Welcome Mr Nixon...Let's end this once`
|
|
`and for all! I know you know who I am.`
|
|
`Come and get me!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Haha! No problem my little fellow! This`
|
|
`time, you will not return!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"...and Mr Nixon...I have got myself a`
|
|
`pair of NightVision glasses supplied by`
|
|
`Canon...as in the movie "Silence of`
|
|
`the lambs", HA HA HA!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The voice fades away.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`I guess you ARE in deep shit.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You walk further. After a little while,`
|
|
`you feel the stairs on your right side.`
|
|
`You also feel an elevator door beside`
|
|
`the stairs. It's still completely dark.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Use the stairs.` ; Astairs
|
|
` 2 - Enter the elevator.` ; Aelevator
|
|
` 3 - Wait.` ; Await
|
|
|
|
; Await
|
|
|
|
`You wait. The compact silence whisper`
|
|
`in your ears. Suddenly, you hear steps`
|
|
`again...this time their are walking`
|
|
`towards you...from the stairs.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Klek...klek...klek...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Uh, oh! There's something walking down`
|
|
`the stairs in front of you!`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Fire at the sound.` ; soundfire
|
|
` 2 - Run away to a better position.` ; soundrun
|
|
|
|
; soundrun
|
|
|
|
`You turn around and start running the`
|
|
`way you came from. In darkness.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Blamp, crash!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Shit. Shit! You trip over a trashcan`
|
|
`and crash onto a table filled with`
|
|
`mugs and various things. You hit your`
|
|
`head on a broken glass and cut your`
|
|
`cheek open. Warm blood drips over you`
|
|
`and on down to the floor. Shit!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Pain! You stand up and begin to run.`
|
|
`But this time you slip on your own`
|
|
`blood and fall backwards. You hit your`
|
|
`head against the fucking table again`
|
|
`with a "blong"!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Dizzyness and confusion. You rise and`
|
|
`draw your Uzi and blows the fucking`
|
|
`table to a pile of tooth-pickers! HA!`
|
|
`Gotcha! You aint stopping me another`
|
|
`time, table!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The man looks at you through his`
|
|
`glasses. He thinks it's a shame to`
|
|
`kill such a clown who talks to `
|
|
`tables but don't worry.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`He do it anyway.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; soundfire
|
|
|
|
`Aahahaha! Brtatatata! You open fire`
|
|
`against the staircase with your uzi.!`
|
|
`The flame from the gun lights up the`
|
|
`area temporary and you can suddenly`
|
|
`see the man! He's standing at the left`
|
|
`on the staircase, covering the head`
|
|
`with his hands!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Click.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Perkele! The clip is empty! Darkness is`
|
|
`present again. You draw your .44`
|
|
`and begin to fire against the place`
|
|
`where the man was visible. Blam!`
|
|
`The short light from the blast `
|
|
`shows...nothing! He has moved from`
|
|
`the place.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Rush to the stairs and fire.` ; rushrush
|
|
` 2 - Take cover.` ; rushcover
|
|
|
|
; rushrush
|
|
|
|
`Alarm! You rush to...to...er?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Klong! Bonk! Ah! Here it is!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You find the staircase in the compact`
|
|
`darkness by tripping over it...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Ok, you stand up and rise your gun...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`...three shots are fired. All of them`
|
|
`goes through Your brain and out on`
|
|
`the other side. The man was standing`
|
|
`only a couple of metres from you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Instant Smelly Death.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Be faster next time.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; rushcover
|
|
|
|
`Take cover? In this darkness? Where??`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Uhm...` ; er
|
|
` 2 - Er...` ; er
|
|
` 3 - Well...` ; er
|
|
|
|
; er
|
|
|
|
`I thought so! Where on earth can you`
|
|
`find a visible cover in this darkness?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The man can see you, thanks to his`
|
|
`nightvision glasses.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The last thing you remember is`
|
|
`Winston Churchill and Jesus in`
|
|
`a homosexual act.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Don't ask me why.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`I guess you are insane.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; Astairs
|
|
|
|
`You sneak to the stairs...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Meanwhile...The Man who is standing`
|
|
`above you looks at you. Thanks to his`
|
|
`advanced NightVision Glasses he can`
|
|
`see every move you do. He watches you`
|
|
`as you look at him. Well...you don't`
|
|
`actually LOOK at him since it's dark.`
|
|
`But you are looking that way. He`
|
|
`draws his gun silent and aims at you.`
|
|
`He place the sight on your forehead.`
|
|
`Then he changes his mind and aims at`
|
|
`your scrotum instead. He thinks: "Oh,`
|
|
`come on! Don't be so cruel! Finish him`
|
|
`off quickly!". But he can't resist this`
|
|
`funny situation. He sees how your face`
|
|
`turns into 100 different screams as he`
|
|
`blow your dick away. You fall to the `
|
|
`floor. He walks down the steps and`
|
|
`laugh while watching you scream in pain`
|
|
`on the floor. "Ok, end of the circus!"`
|
|
`He aims at your head and removes your`
|
|
`brain instantly with a 7.62 bullet.`
|
|
`It goes out of your head with a flood`
|
|
`of grey brain and red blood)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(But for you it's only:)
|
|
` `
|
|
`...Blam! ARGH! uh, oh! BLAM!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(pop! black)` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; Aelevator
|
|
|
|
`Totally unlogical to even try to use`
|
|
`the elevator when the electrically`
|
|
`power is off. But I guess you have`
|
|
`already discovered that there's no`
|
|
`logical thinking in this game so...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`...you open the elevator door and`
|
|
`enter the dark room. You can't feel`
|
|
`or hear anyone inside. Lucky you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Flash.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Light strikes your eyes and you are`
|
|
`blinded for a moment. Ah, light!`
|
|
`The power seems to have been turned`
|
|
`on again. Suddenly, you hear someone`
|
|
`running down the stairs outside the`
|
|
`elevator! You react at once and throw`
|
|
`yourself at the floor of the elevator.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Great intuition.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The man begins to fire at the window`
|
|
`to the elevator and bullets penetrate`
|
|
`the wall behind you. Ratatata! Glass`
|
|
`and concrete rains over you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Push the door open and fire!` ; hohoho
|
|
` 2 - Do something else. (Don't you`
|
|
` just LOVE this alternative?)` ; else
|
|
|
|
; hohoho
|
|
|
|
`1. You are on the floor.`
|
|
`2. The man is standing with a gun`
|
|
` in his hand, loaded.`
|
|
`3. You must first draw your gun.`
|
|
`4. He just have to pull the trigger.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Do you think you will survive?`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - YES!` ; don't
|
|
` 2 - No, but I can't resist to`
|
|
` challenge death.` ; death
|
|
|
|
; don't
|
|
|
|
`Sorry. You are wrong.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`But there's always nice with a`
|
|
`positive attitude to a problem!` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; death
|
|
|
|
`Challenge death? Cool man! Way to`
|
|
`go! Give him all you got! You`
|
|
`are No 1! Go, go! Yeah! Yeah!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You lost.` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; else
|
|
|
|
`Something else?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You reach for the buttons and press`
|
|
`the "2". `
|
|
` `
|
|
`Rumble, rumble.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The elevator starts to go upward. You`
|
|
`roll over to the left side when the`
|
|
`window comes in level of the floor and`
|
|
`evade to get any lead inside you. HA!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The elevator reach the second floor.`
|
|
`You waste no time. You kick the door`
|
|
`open and jump out, pointing the uzi`
|
|
`in all directions, ready to fire.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Klank. You hear a sound from stairs`
|
|
`on your left and you realize that`
|
|
`the man must be left on the first`
|
|
`floor.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Baby! Now I'm on top!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You look around. You are standing in`
|
|
`a corridor. There's plenty of pictures`
|
|
`on the walls, showing police men in`
|
|
`different heroic positions for example:`
|
|
`holding guns to the head of jerks or`
|
|
`standing on the throat on some`
|
|
`anti-nuclear activists. Ah, there are`
|
|
`you! You are smiling against the `
|
|
`camera after you have broken the leg`
|
|
`of a shop-lifter with a baseball bat.`
|
|
`Cool! Must be...hmm...1982 i think.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You also discover that there's a lot`
|
|
`of police men here lying on the floor.`
|
|
`All of them are dead and there's blood`
|
|
`and brain all over the place. How can`
|
|
`The Man possibly have killed all of`
|
|
`them? Incredible! He must be a crack`
|
|
`shot! Great dude, a shame you must`
|
|
`send him to hell.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Now what? As I said, you are standing`
|
|
`on the second floor with the stairs on`
|
|
`your left. The man is on the floor`
|
|
`below you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
` 1 - Walk down the stairs and kill him.` ; dothewalk
|
|
` 2 - Throw down some bodies and then`
|
|
` rush after and kill.` ; bodydown
|
|
` 3 - Surf down the stairs on a chair.`
|
|
` (which is placed in a room beside`
|
|
` the elevator)` ; FINAL
|
|
|
|
; dothewalk
|
|
|
|
`Are you stupid?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You KNOW that he is standing by the`
|
|
`staircase on the other floor.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You KNOW that he is probably pointing`
|
|
`a gun your way.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You KNOW that he will fire the second`
|
|
`he see you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`But still, you want to WALK down the`
|
|
`stairs?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`I don't bother to tell you how you die.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(But see it like this:`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Your brain would have gotten a nice`
|
|
`sun tan if it had been outside!"
|
|
` `
|
|
`HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (c) Bad Jokes INC)` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; bodydown
|
|
|
|
`Hehe...you grab the closest body you can`
|
|
`find, a big man. Then you drag him to`
|
|
`the staircase and throw him down.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Bump, bump, bump, ratatatata!, bump!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You grab another. This time a woman.`
|
|
`Damn! You spilled some of her brain `
|
|
`all over your uniform!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Bump, bump, ratatatatata, bump!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`And you do it again and again until...`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Bump, bump, ratatata klick, bump!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`He seems to have emptied his clip...`
|
|
`You rush down the stairs and draw your`
|
|
`gun. With a mean look you blow his head`
|
|
`to a cloud of bone and blood.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You win!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Just kidding.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`The truth: You rush down the stairs, `
|
|
`but unfortunately you slip on a track`
|
|
`of blood and fall. You hit your head`
|
|
`and slide the final way on your own`
|
|
`substances. Dizzy, you watch how a`
|
|
`pipe is placed against your right`
|
|
`eye and` ; the slut
|
|
|
|
; FINAL
|
|
|
|
`"Everybody go surfing now..."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You drag the chair (which is equipped`
|
|
`with nice wheels) to the stairs. You`
|
|
`climb onto it and...oooaaaaahh!....`
|
|
`You hold your Uzi with one hand and`
|
|
`the chair with the other as you ride`
|
|
`it down the stairs.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`Klank, klank, OhOhUhOh, donk, donk`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You reach the bottom and the chair`
|
|
`crashes into the floor and sends you`
|
|
`flying, towards the shadow in front`
|
|
`of you. You hit the man and you`
|
|
`tumble around on the floor. You see`
|
|
`how his gun, a Kalashnikov, drops`
|
|
`to the floor (a communist?). You `
|
|
`quickly kick it away and get to`
|
|
`your feet.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You turn around. The man is watching`
|
|
`you. You are watching him.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`It's you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You haven't seen his face until now.`
|
|
`And it's actually you.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Surprised, Brad?"`
|
|
` `
|
|
`But it's not your voice. He has got`
|
|
`a much darker one.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Well, I didn't expect to find Ronald`
|
|
`Reagan either..."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Very funny, Brad! But I am You! I am`
|
|
`your dark side! You have been fighting`
|
|
`me all the time! And you can never win!`
|
|
`Because...I am You! You! If you kill`
|
|
`me, you will die! Or a PART of you will`
|
|
`die...understand?`
|
|
` `
|
|
`(Sounds like a B-movie from the 50's`
|
|
`to me...)`
|
|
` `
|
|
`He throws his head back and laughs.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Hahaha! YOU CANNOT WIN!`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You are holding your Uzi in a`
|
|
`steady grip.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Fine."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`You pull the trigger. The Uzi begins to`
|
|
`spit lead towards the Man but before the`
|
|
`first bullet hit him, you see a surprised
|
|
`look on his face.`
|
|
`He starts to dance. Bullets hit him in`
|
|
`his legs, arms and stomach. Blood is`
|
|
`streaming from the open craters in his`
|
|
`body. He tries to scream but only blood`
|
|
`streams from his mouth and over the`
|
|
`floor. The three final bullets crashes`
|
|
`into his head and sends his eyes,`
|
|
`tongue and brain to the wall behind`
|
|
`him with a gurgling sound.`
|
|
`His headless and bloody body stands`
|
|
`up for a couple of seconds until`
|
|
`it falls to the floor and his`
|
|
`stomach fluid is flushed out from`
|
|
`his open throat.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Sorry. But I don't believe in that`
|
|
`"you=me" crap!"
|
|
` `
|
|
` `
|
|
`Brad Nixon dropped the Uzi and turned`
|
|
`around. The door to the station swung`
|
|
`open and he walked outside. He felt`
|
|
`alright. A packet of strong cigarettes`
|
|
`was opened. He placed one in his`
|
|
`mouth and lighted it while watching`
|
|
`the sky above him.`
|
|
`A chilly wind.`
|
|
`The autumn would soon be here.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"He shouldn't have messed with the`
|
|
`symbol for the free west."`
|
|
` `
|
|
`He smiled.`
|
|
` `
|
|
`"Me!"`
|
|
` `
|
|
` `
|
|
`You have accomplished your mission.` ; the final slut
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
|
|
Oh please Zaz, get that damn thumb out of your arse.
|
|
Others: Consider this: FTP.LYSATOR.LIU.SE /pub/texts/uxu
|
|
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|
|
The Slut = The End
|
|
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
uXu #334 Underground eXperts United 1996 uXu #334
|
|
Call X-TREME -> +31-1670-64414
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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