209 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
209 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
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########## ### ### ##########
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ##
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[ A Slight Miscalculation ] [ By The GNN ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________
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"A SLIGHT MISCALCULATION"
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by THE GNN/DualCrew-Shining/uXu
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Dedicated to the nearest Pentium processor.
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Winston had travelled in time. But he came back to his present time five
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minutes too early. When he opened the round door to the time machine and
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looked out, he saw himself.
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"Fool!" Winston-outside-the-time-machine screamed to
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Winston-inside-the-time-machine.
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"I must have done a slight miscalculation." Winston mumbled as he
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stepped out and placed his bare feet on the cold floor in the basement,
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closing the door to the shiny capsule behind him.
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There was a short moment of uncomfortable silence.
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"Seen my shoes?" Winston-from-the-time-machine asked and looked around.
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"Listen, I have only one pair of shoes! And I use them right now!"
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"This complicates things..."
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Winston One (the man who just came out from the machine) looked at
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Winston Two (the man who used the only pair of shoes) and sighed. Then he
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sat down on a nearby chair and buried his hands in the face.
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"What a mess... " Winston One said.
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"You are sitting on my chair!" Winston Two claimed.
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"It is my chair too!"
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"Whatever. Very well... you better solve this situation somehow!"
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"Do not forget that you are talking to yourself." Winston One muttered,
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still holding his head in his hands.
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They decided to have a cup of coffee before they tried to figure out how
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the embarrassing situation ought to be solved. Winston Two went to the
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kitchen, and came back five minutes later with two hot cups.
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"Sugar?" Winston Two asked.
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Winston One did not reply. The answer was obvious.
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"Oh, yeah, right... I never use sugar nor milk..." Winston Two
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remembered.
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They drank the black coffee, staring at each other as if they were
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enemies.
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"Where is my... our wife?" Winston One asked, looking at the ceiling.
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"Belinda is not at home (thank god)", Winston Two said and quickly
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gulped down the last drop from the cup.
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"True." Winston one said and recalled that she was still at work.
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The door to the capsule swung open. Winston Three stepped out, looking
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around for a pair of shoes to cover his bare feet with. Then he saw the
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others.
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"I must have done..." Winston Three begun.
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"...a SLIGHT miscalculation!" Winston One and Two concluded.
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After a couple of minutes more, Winston Four arrived.
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Belinda came home two hours later. She opened the door to the basement
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and almost lost her mind when she was greeted by twenty-six Winstons.
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"Hello sugar!" they shouted.
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"Winston!" she yelled.
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"Yes, love?" they all answered.
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"What the (curse) have you (yet another curse) done?"
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"It was not my fault!" they all replied (including the newly arrived
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Winston Twenty-seven).
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Violently, she closed the door to the basement. The Winstons sighed.
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They had a little conference, trying to figure out what to do. Four
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more Winstons arrived.. Winston Nine suggested that the machine ought to
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be destroyed. Winston Twenty claimed that everyone ought to kill
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themselves (except him, since he was the REAL Winston). Winston Five
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agreed with Winston Twenty, but added that he was the one who ought to live
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since HE for sure was the real Winston. Winston Five and Twenty started to
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fight, while Winston Eleven screamed that they all ought to put themselves
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to death (and he was gladly going to do it for them (he promised that he
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would kill himself too, when everybody else was dead, but naturally no one
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believed that obvious lie)). Winston Six raised his hand and wondered why
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no one had yet pulled the plug of the machine. No one answered. Nine more
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Winstons had arrived. Winston thirty-nine asked for a pair of shoes.
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Winston Two turned the machine off. No more Winstons arrived.
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"Good work!" Thirty-nine Winstons shouted and did thumbs-up to Winston
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Two.
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Suddenly Belinda carefully sneaked the door to the basement open again
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and peeked inside. This time forty Winstons greeted her. With a little
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shriek she quickly slammed the door shut. Winston Eight tried to make a
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rush for the stairs, but was stopped by two other Winstons (Seven and
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Nineteen), who taught him a little lesson with their knuckles.
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"Enough!" Winston One screamed to the three fighting Winstons.
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The basement was very tight. The forty Winstons almost had to stand on
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each other.
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"We cannot continue this ridiculous game any more!" someone said
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(probably Winston Twenty-one).
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"Of course not, but what the hell are we supposed to do?" Winston Nine
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commented.
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No one answered. That was not surprising. Of forty different people,
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one might come up with a great idea that no one had thought of - but not
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when the the forty people were the same individual.
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After a short while, Winston Two said: "Perhaps we could just..."
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He cleared his throat, indicating that he had the solution.
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"Perhaps we could just forget about this intermezzo? Leave this
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basement and all live normal lives in this time? That is..."
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Winston Two was interrupted by laughter.
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"I do not believe Belinda will fancy forty husbands." said Winston One,
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Eighteen and Twenty at the same time. "Even though she has announced some
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strange sexual desires lately, I can hardly think this is what she had in
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mind..."
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"Oh please!" Winston Thirty said, clearly annoyed.
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"Not to mention our boss...", Winston Eleven continued, "would he find
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it amusing to pay thirty-nine more people?"
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"We are in real trouble." Winston Three muttered.
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"Nay, YOU are in trouble," Winston Four said, "Because I am the real..."
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Yet another fight started. This time Winston Eight, Nine and
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Twenty-five attacked Winston Four. During the chaos someone accidentally
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pushed Winston Thirty-six, who banged his head into the 'on' button of the
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machine.
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A familiar face, Winston Forty-one, immediately opened the door and
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stepped out.
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"Hello!" he said with a jolly voice.
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"Hello..." forty tired people answered with one voice.
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Winston Forty-one realized the situation.
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"Oh," he grunted, "I must have done a slight..."
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"Further information not necessary..." Winston One explained.
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Winston Fourteen was about to turn the machine off again, but Winston
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Five stopped him.
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"What are you doing?" Winston Fourteen asked.
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Winston Five did not answer. Instead, he climbed into the capsule.
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Before he closed the door behind him, he said with a calm voice: "Turn it
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off when I have left. I am tired of this mess. I am off to the beginning
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of the century. I think I will like it there."
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There was a humming sound from the machine, then he was gone. Winston
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Fourteen grabbed the new opportunity.
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"I will leave for the dark ages! Present time sucks anyway!"
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Yet another humming sound. Winston Fourteen was gone too.
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Half an hour later, thirty-eight Winstons had left the basement for
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different, carefully chosen, parts of history. Three left; Winston One,
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Two and Thirty.
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"Where did you plan to go guys?" Winston One asked. "I thought
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about..." He smiled and got a dreaming glance in his eyes. "...the
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fifties."
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"Go ahead." Winston Two said. Winston Thirty nodded.
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Winston One left. Winston Two and Thirty looked at each other.
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"What about Belinda?" Winston Thirty asked with a worried face.
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"Do not worry. I will stay. I mean, I was the one who was here first.
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Go ahead."
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"Thanks! Time of misery and plague - here I come!"
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Winston Thirty was gone. Winston Two quickly turned the machine off.
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He felt relieved.
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The door to the basement opened once again. It was of course Belinda.
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"Is this darn circus over now?" she yelled.
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"Yes."
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"Good!" she continued, sounding like a witch from a very warm place .
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"Perhaps Mister Science will take care of the (curse) garden, wash the
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(even worse curse) car, clean the living room, make dinner and act like a
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(incredible strong curse) NORMAL husband then!"
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The door slammed shut, but opened again after two seconds.
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"... and for christ sake, get that (curse) (curse) (curse) device,
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machine, thing, whatever, out of MY house!"
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The door violently closed again. This time it stayed shut.
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Winston sighed, mostly because he had not breathed while she talked.
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Then he turned the machine back on, opened the capsule and made his way
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inside.
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"Belinda will not miss me," he giggled, "I believe she will for sure get
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enough. Ancient time, here I come!"
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Then he was gone.
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When Belinda returned to the basement, ready to teach her lazy husband a
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hard lesson in manners, fifteen Winstons asked her if she had seen a pair
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of shoes around.
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////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
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What on earth happened to a writer called Sarlo?
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Someone ought to know. Meanwhile, CALL THE STASH!
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\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
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This is the final countdown.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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uXu #246 Underground eXperts United 1995 uXu #246
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Call METALLAND SOUTHWEST -> +1-713-468-5802
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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