128 lines
6.5 KiB
Plaintext
128 lines
6.5 KiB
Plaintext
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########## ### ### ##########
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ##
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[ Big Bang Phil ] [ By The GNN ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________
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"BIG BANG PHIL"
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by THE GNN/DualCrew-Shining/uXu
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"God does not play dice!"
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(Einstein)
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You know, Phil was that kind of guy that people tried to avoid at all
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cost. When he came walking through the corridors at the university, burned
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face and smoke rising from his hair, eyes shining, everybody ran away.
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They knew he was up to something. Phil was always up to something, but
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only concerning explosives. Phil was a handsome young man, but completely
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uninterested in social life. He never drank anything (except for strange
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fluids he mixed himself) and he never dated any girls (and even if he did,
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no one would go out with him since all humans fear death).
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After two days at the University of Dreil he managed to blow up a table
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during chemistry class, with the help from some black powder he quickly
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made (when he was supposed to peacefully mix water and sugar).
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That was the first time his class mates noticed him, and his insane
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laughter when something exploded. After six weeks he had blown the entire
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room to trash thirteen times. Then the headmaster heard about him. After
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the first year, Phil had accidentally (he always claimed that it had been
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accidents) blown four different classrooms to nothing over thirty times
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each, he had set the school on fire over fifty times and he had almost
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killed five-hundred people at the new years eve when he was in charge for
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the fire crackers.
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But Phil was not concerned (compared to his now totally neurotic and
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paranoid mates). He claimed that he was a scientist, a scientist who had
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dedicated his life to the work of 'everything that goes boom!' The
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teachers, the students and the rest of the town wanted Phil out of the
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university as soon as (curse) possible. The headmaster however, often
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praised Phil for being such a hard working student and let him stay. 'He
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works day and night to fulfill his visions,' the headmaster said while half
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of the building went up in flames. 'Phil loves to study and come up with
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new ideas,' he claimed while the school was filled with smoke and coughing
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students. 'Phil must stay!', he yelled when yet another bottle of
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nitroglycerine exploded and gave some old professor his third heart attack.
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But we have not yet reached to the point of this story. Phil was not
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some everyday pyrotechnic. Trust me.
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One day, Phil rushed into the chemistry class and shouted that he had
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invented a new kind of 'portable bomb' that would for sure 'kick ass'. The
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room was quickly abandoned and left Phil alone with the teacher who
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desperately prayed to Jesus (and Satan and Muhammad and Krishna, whatever
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he could think of before it was too late) from under a desk. Phil walked
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to him, bent down and opened his suitcase. The old grey-hairy teacher
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screamed in agony as he expected Phil to reveal yet another new black ball
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with a burning fuse in it. But instead, Phil fished up a very small glass
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tube that seemed completely empty.
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The teacher felt better. Phil had finally went completely mad and
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started to make bombs out of air, he thought.
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Phil held the tube between two fingers and held it close to the teacher's
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face (who was still under the desk) and explained that the tube contained a
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revolution in military boom-boom warfare. The teacher smiled, nodded and
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lied that Phil was a true genius while imagining Phil in the local asylum
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and a peaceful university.
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'I have managed to construct a new kind of vacuum!' Phil said and rolled
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the tube between his fingers.
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'How nice!' the teacher replied.
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'Inside this vacuum there is a small spot of mass that is greater than
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the universe!' Phil said.
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'How nice!' the teacher replied.
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'So, if this vacuum breaks, there will be an explosion that will be
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greater than the Big Bang!' Phil said with a slight pride in his voice.
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'Idiot!' the teacher screamed. 'Are you insane?'.
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'Not at all!' Phil said and exposed a huge joy in his face. 'Look!'
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The teacher watched with fear how Phil threw the bottle against the
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nearest wall. He understood from the happy face of Phil that something
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nasty was going to happen.
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It happened. Oh man what a bang! The absolute infinite mass in the tube
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imploded (together with the rest of the universe) and exploded. Phil was
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wrong, the explosion was not better than the Big Bang.
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But very close.
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However, do not worry about this little intermezzo, dear readers. Phil
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is gone and cannot hurt us. But please let me know if you notice any
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fanatic individual who enjoys making bizarre explosives. Thanks to Phil
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our present universe do exist and I do not fancy to be a part of a new
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bang, if you know what I mean?
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///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
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Uh oh, the myth is dead again.
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It could be stopped! DO NOT CALL GURUS DREAM +46-8-DARN
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\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
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My 'ol 55.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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uXu #205 Underground eXperts United 1994 uXu #205
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Call THE CRIME SCENE -> +1-516-873-8903
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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