392 lines
21 KiB
Plaintext
392 lines
21 KiB
Plaintext
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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[ uXu Does Town 1994 ] [ By All But Hedge ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________
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uXu Does Town 1994
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------------------
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by
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The Chief, GNN, Hedge, Phearless and Ralph 124C41+
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Ralph 124C41+
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-------------
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The underground eXperts had arranged a meeting here in Stockholm which I
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of course was planning to attend. We were supposed to meet each other at the
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Medborgarplatsen underground station at 18:30 but at six o'clock I was
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still in Bro way north of Stockholm. I got lift with a friend to
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Bergshamra, then I quickly rushed down into the tube to catch the train. I
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got there exactly in time, then I changed at Slussen and managed to get on
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the train just before the doors closed. Finally I arrived at
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Medborgarplatsen almost half an hour late but the gang were still waiting.
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The ones who showed up were The Chief, GNN and Hedge.
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- Where to now, I asked. Beer or food?
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The Chief wanted to eat something before we went to a pub so we set
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course to Cafe Haddock, an anarchistic cafe a few blocks away. We got
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there and took some sandwiches, tea and soft drinks while we chatted
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away. I also met the publisher of the anarchist magazine INFOrm and a nice
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finnish girl. But there were no time for socializing as the rest of the
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group now had finished their meals and demanded beer. Well of we went to
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Kvarnen, an old pub just a few blocks in the opposite direction.
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We sat around there and took a few beers. I had porter, the rest had
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lager, and the Chief had a joint. Kvarnen is a nice place I think, the
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people there are mainly of two types, anarchists and Hammarby fans
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(Hammarby is a local soccer team), most of them are both... From the pub
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we called Phearless and asked him to meet us at the underground station.
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The Chief left us to go to a silly concert or somewhat. The rest of us
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left shortly afterwards. After a long and frozen time waiting at the
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underground station Phearless finally arrived. Everybody turned to me and
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asked where the closest pub was.
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- This way!, I said and pointed.
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We came to Charles Dickens, an english pub, where I took a Guinness.
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Ahh... Lovely! Black beer with froth as thick as whipped cream, it floats
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down your throat as velvet. Anyway, the pub was full of people so we had a
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hard time finding a place to sit, but we finally did it. We talked about
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Phearless' legal problems as well as the recent discussions about
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limitations in the freedom of speech. After a while Phearless had to leave
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so I, GNN and Hedge decided to go on to another place. I knew about a
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nearby rock club with good music, nice girls and inexpensive beer so we
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went there. When I stood at the bar a big bloke walked up to me and asked
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- Are you an anarchist?
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Since I had a black T-shirt covered in (A)-symbols there was not much
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point in denying that.
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- Yes, sort of. I'm actually something between a social liberal and a
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libertarian socialist.
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It looked as if he had to think hard before he understood that my answer
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probably was a "yes".
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- I'm a nazi, then you hate me!
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- No, it's you who hate me. I hate nobody.
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At this point of the conversation his girlfriend dragged him in one
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direction and GNN dragged me in the other so our debate was interrupted.
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We had a couple of beers, listened to the music. Then Hedge went to the
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toilet and came back in a state of chock. He complained that he had been
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threatened with murder in the queue and that there were so many people
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there. I went over there to have a look but I only saw two persons, of
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which one was leaving. I guess Hedge went into the ladies room which may
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explain everything... Anyway, he didn't want to stay there any longer and
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neither did GNN so we had to leave. At that time most pubs were closed so
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we had to walk around some. I spotted a door with some lit cressets and
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heard the sound of music.
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- That place looks open, I said and pointed.
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GNN ran to the door and down the stairs into the place. I stopped to
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read what the sign said: "Kick-Boxing Club". Oh dear... Soon GNN came
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running out with twice the speed.
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- Wrong place?, I asked.
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- Wrong place!
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We waled around a bit but it looked as if all the pubs were closed in this
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area. We walked to Slussen underground station and took a train to
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Odenplan. Since Glada Enkan was closed I suggested Hard Rock Cafe but
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instead we ended up at Nr.60. Well, it's not the best place in the world
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but I guess it's OK. We sat down and and had a beer when GNN noticed a
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sign saying "Drug free zone" sitting on the wall. He tried to get it with
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him but with no success except that he hurt his fingers. Perhaps he should
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have a crowbar or something next time... Well, the the bar closed and we
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went out. Hedge wanted a hamburger so we went to Burger King which was
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just next door. At this time I was so drunk I had some problems with
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thinking straight so I went up to the counter, grabbed hold of it with
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both hands to stop the room from moving and ordered a hamburger with extra
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garlic. The girl on the other side didn't change her expression but turned
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to the kitchen and shouted
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- One hamburger with french fries and extra garlic!
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It was a tasty hamburger! I like garlic...
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As we eat we talked a bit about if we should go to some illegal pub or
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if we should go and get some sleep. As we were quite tired we decided the
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latter. We went over to my flat and went directly to bed. As I don't have
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such large flat GNN and Hedge had to share bed but I don't think anything
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happened anyway... And thus ended the day when uXu did town.
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---------------------
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Phearless; What really happened.
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--------------------------------
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Starring; Phearless, The GNN, Ralph 124C41+, Hedge
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and last but absolutely not least, The Chief.
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I met some old friends in Stockholm and more or less forced them to give me
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a lift to the uXu meeting. After talking to Hedge on the phone, I was going
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to meet the rest of the guys at a subway station on Soder. Some minutes
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later, I was walking around at the stairway down to the subways. Then I heard
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a voice shouting "PHEEEAAAARLESS!" I didn't see anyone I recognized, so I
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took a big leap to the closest wall and threw myself to the ground, rolled
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over, around the corner and drew my piece.
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The people coming down the stairs began shouting and screaming when they
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saw my shining .357 Magnum baby, but I kept cool. I was still on my belly,
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aiming at anything suspicious, when I saw a handgrenade rolling across the
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floor in my direction. Without hesitation I crawled as quickly as I could
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around the next corner, but I was interrupted by a loud bang.
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Since only my ears hurt I assumed I was still alive. A big cloud of
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smoke, but no damage to the shop windows? Out of the smoke came three people,
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of which I recognized one. The GNN. He said;
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"What do you think, cool device ey? He he he." The other two laughed as
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well.
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"Quite good my dear friend," I said and rapidly threw away two shots above
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their heads. Everyone except me dropped to the floor.
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"Ok, no more kidding around. I want some beer," I shouted at the three
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frightened rabbits laying in front of me.
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"I always keep two blanks first, don't worry," I lied and reloaded the gun.
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I don't like an empty chamber.
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They all got up, laughed somewhat nervous and brushed the dust of their
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jackets. On our way the closest pub, the GNN introduced me to the other two
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individuals. Ralph 124C41+ (or just Ralphphph) and Hedge. They seemed worthy
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talking with me, and I agreed they were right for the uXu. The pub we got to
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was totally packed with people.
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We had been sitting down and talking for about two hours at the pub when a
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very big guy with an even worse attitude grabbed Ralph's beer, drank it all
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up and put the glass back on our table. I instinctively reached for my
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revolver, but the GNN made a sign with his hand to show me I could take it
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easy. Then he pointed at himself and then at the big guy with the incredibly
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ugly smile standing at our table. Suddenly the GNN got this crazy expression
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on his face, jumped up on the table and kicked the bastard right in his face.
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The guy made a surprised and nasty sound and took some unbalanced steps
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backwards, but he came right back at the GNN, planning to get a quick
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revenge. The GNN shouted "Prison Mandela!" as he placed his boot beneath the
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big guy's chin. The rough underside of the boot was buried deep inside the
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flesh of the guy's neck. Without saying a thing, he fell to the floor and
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landed flat on his back.
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Hedge took another sip on his beer and began a quick examination of the
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twisting and turning body under the next table.
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"Ten and out!" was his expert conclusion.
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"Pretty good kick there, GNN," Ralph said. He suddenly stopped talking when
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he saw a rather good looking woman walking up to our table.
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She reached out her arm and pointed her finger at the GNN.
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"You filthy murderer! You killed my boyfriend!" She was obviously drunk.
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The GNN didn't even listen, he was too busy getting rid of adrenaline with
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his beer. Ralph immediately saw his chance. He stood up, put his arm around
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the woman and said something like;
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"Don't worry, I'll help you calling the police, come with me."
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Hedge and I got a little surprised, but we relaxed when we saw him walking
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away with her, to the toilets.
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Some minutes later, Ralph came back with a big smile on his face and
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ordered another beer. Twenty meters behind him, came the woman. She had her
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dress around her hips, and with visible spots of semen in her hair, forehead
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and breasts. We all laughed at Ralph, who desperately tried to hide his
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blushing cheeks. We then finished our beers and got out before the cops
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arrived.
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"Nice seeing you guys, but it's time for me to get back. I don't want to
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spend tomorrow _walking_ home." I said, and thanked them all for coming.
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They all called me a fucking loser, and I understood them. Next time I'll
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try to get the whole night off. The last thing I saw of them that night was
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Hedge running around at the traffic lights, between the waiting cars with a
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big metal pipe. Him smashing their front windows screaming "You are all
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slaves, I'm your only true savior", will forever be in my mind.
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On my way walking back to my hotel, two kids with knives tried to rob me.
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They both got two free samples of hot lead in their legs. This was enough to
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keep me laughing and giggling all the way to my comfortable bed.
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Two days later The Chief said he had a good time at the Charlatans concert.
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I really doubt it.
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---------------------
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The GNN; Why don't you tell us what REALLY happened, Mr GNN.
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---------------------------------------------------------------
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Involved: The lady-killer Chief, Phearless the anti-christ,
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blast-o-matic Hedge and R(a)lph let-me-just-kick-someone.
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...and me, The GNN.
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Actually, I am rather unsure of what really happened when the five uXu
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dudes entered the city of Stockholm a cold night some weeks ago. But I do
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remember a few conversations between the guilty people, and I will type
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them down for you. Since I cannot remember who said what, I will call the
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speakers Mr uXu 1 to 5.
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After Mr uXu 1 had smashed a bottle of beer and cut the throat of some
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irritating bartender he turned to paralyzed the crowd and said:
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"The state wants me to accept the fact that this former slave of the
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system was right when he refused to serve me my eleventh bottle of beer. I
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will never accept that. Instead, as you can see, I justified myself with
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common and necessary violence. Violence is not something that belongs to
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the madmen. I am not a madman, I am a normal citizen. Since the state
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uses violence to get what they want, I feel that it is my natural right to
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use it myself. Look at the bartender on the floor! He tries to stay
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alive, he tries to stop the blood from pouring out of his throat!
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Pathetic! He will die and his corpse will remain as a symbol. A symbol
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that will teach other slaves to not try to fuck with me or anyone else.
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You should thank me people (instead of screaming like hell...). I did what
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had to be done. Now, where can I buy more beer?"
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After this charming stunt, Mr uXu 1 grabbed a bottle of beer and returned
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to the table. At the table, Mr uXu 2 was busy telling the other people how
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he would like to see the perfect society:
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"I do not believe in democracy since there is no space for a real
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revolution there. The only way to come close to a revolution in this
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society is to vote for some other fat politician than the one who is in
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charge. What happens? The only thing that happens is that another corrupt
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jerk comes to the ruling position. After a while, the people realize that
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it was a mistake to vote for him too. So they vote for another person.
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Then they dislike him and vote for yet another person! You see? We
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believe that we are free since we can vote for several people. But the
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truth is that we are only playing the game that the state wants us to play!
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We are not free, we are not able to do any revolution. Therefor, I want
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dictatorship. Because in a dictatorship there is only one person in charge
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who cannot be replaced by someone else. He is forced to give the people
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what they want or the people will kill him. He cannot feel safe. He have
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to play the hard game. The game of the people, not of the state. He must
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give the people what they want to have or the revolution will come to him
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and exterminate him!"
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We then left this pub and went to another one. The guard beside the door
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had no idea who we really were and let us in without any questions.
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Inside, a big man with nazi crosses and a shirt that said "Hitler was a
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good man!" came to our table and pointed at Mr uXu 3. "You are a
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anarchist!" (he referred to the shirt of Mr uXu 3 that was full of
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anarchist symbols). "You hate me since I am a nazi! I must kill you!" the
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drunk nazi said and tried to punch Mr uXu 3. He was unsuccessful. He
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missed and fell down on the table. Mr uXu 4 pulled his knife and stabbed
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the confused nazi in his back. When we had made sure that the idiot was
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dead, Mr uXu 3 began to speak.
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"Yes, I am an anarchist as you know. I believe in the freedom of the
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people, not in the freedom of the state. This man was a nazi and now he is
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dead. Dead as a doornail and he will never be able to spread his weird
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ideas about Hitler any more. However, we did not kill him because we
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wanted to stop him from saying what he wanted to say. We have freedom of
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speech and we should handle it with respect. Even if we dislike what he
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said, we should not stop him. Because if we stop him, someone else will
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stop us. Let the nazi, the jew, the white man, the black man, the children
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say what they want to say! We are rational human beings, we are able to
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draw our own conclusions. Just because a nazi speaks to me it does not
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mean that he automatically manages to convince me. I am ready to argue
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with those who does not think like me, but I do not want to stop them from
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talking. To stop other people from talking is to stop everyone who says
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things, including ourselves. The state tries to stop people from talking,
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simply because the state dislike the freedom of speech. They will never
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succeed. We will stop them."
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We pushed the dead man to the floor and continued to drink. Naturally,
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the owner of the place came to us and asked why we had killed one of his
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beloved customers. We explained and the owner asked "Oh... I did not know
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that you uXu guys were left winged people!". This was too much for us.
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Mr uXu 4 had to speak.
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"We are not left winged people. We are not right winged either. We are
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completely non-political. We do not want any government at all. We do not
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believe in Karl Marx and we do not believe in Hitler. We only believe in
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ourselves and that is different. No one should tell us what box we should
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be put in. We are above everything, we are divine gods who have seen he
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world as it really is. Some people cannot understand that. They read our
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files and immediately draw some strange conclusion that is seldom the right
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one. Do you understand? Can you see past the ordinary way of thinking?
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Can you? Or are you another frozen mind that can only see left or right,
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black or white, right or wrong? Yes, we confuse people with our writing. We
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try to tell them things that hurts their comfortable world, and we LOVE it!"
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The owner did not know what to say. He just left us. The next day I
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heard that he had committed suicide because he had lost his belief in
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everything. Well, that was not our fault anyway. We had just told him the
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real truth and if the truths hurts - too bad for him.
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The night came to an end and it was time to go home. Mr uXu 5 turned to
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his friends and sang an old Tom Waits song.
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"Oh, how we danced and we swallowed the night
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For it was all ripe for dreaming
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Oh, how we danced away all of the lights
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We've always been out of our minds"
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-------------------------
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The Chief; The true story. No lies.
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-----------------------------------
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You already know who was there. It's just pointless to write it
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again, so I won't.
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Arrived at Stockholm central station friday afternoon. The train-ride
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had made me kinda mad, so I opened the first door I saw with a kick.
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The ticket-controllant ran with blood coming from his nose, screaming
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something, but I didn't notice.
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Jumped the ticket automats just in time to catch the subway to Odenplan
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where the apartment I had borrowed was waiting for me. Went up the elevator
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and deciding that I would never use it again due to it's lack of logic
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(it was always at the top floor when I needed it at the bottom), I set it
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on fire. Used the lock clicker method to open the door (the dumb schmuck
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who owned the place had locked the door) I went into the apartment.
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Noticing the lack of alcohol, I went back out again. Took the stairs
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and watched the fire department trying to do something to the elevator
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(god knows what). Well, after a few laughs and comments, I arrived at
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the government-controlled-we-know-what-is-best-for-you liquor store
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where I watched people pay with credit cards. Got what I wanted and
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went out in the late afternoon sun again. The street was crowded with
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people, and I decided to sit down to open the first bottle of beer
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(and drink it of course, what did you drink.. think?).
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The air was filled with dust, giving the scene a touch of magic. Mist.
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Lovely flowers started to grow from the pavement's cracked cement and
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everyone greeted me with smiles. Someone handed me a joint and joined me
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where I sat. We talked for hours and the sun went down the horizon. When
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the dust settled, we walked on down the hall. And we came to a door,
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and we looked inside. Father? Yes son? I want to kill you. Mother?
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I want to...
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The next morning, it was saturday. The morning after that, it was sunday.
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The morning before the next morning, it was friday.
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I knew that.
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Met some guys at a subway station that night. Looked like people I
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knew, but I wasn't sure. Someone was missing and someone was new, but
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I didn't notice. They said something about drinking beer, or eat
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something, and I was hungry, see, so we went to a place where the
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average age was 14. Someone felt at home. Someone didn't. The others
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just ate and drank their coffee. Then we went.
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Up the stairs and out the door. Street. Dark. Right, and then after
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a couple of 20-ish steps, right again. Crossed the street twice, and
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went into a place where the beer was expensive. Took a hit and someone
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took a picture of me. Got some numbers to the guys who never answered
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their cellulars anyway, and left the place. Went to a concert. It was
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a good concert. Great music. Beautiful girls. Expensive beer. Tim
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Burgess at his best. The Charlatans. Yeah. I never met the missing
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person.
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Went to Stockholm and all I got was this lousy sticker.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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This file is (c)opyrighted material, but spreading if free
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under some conditions. Se the uXu index for details.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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uXu #200 Underground eXperts United 1994 uXu #200
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Call SOLSBURY HILL -> +1-301-428-8317
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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