186 lines
9.7 KiB
Plaintext
186 lines
9.7 KiB
Plaintext
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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[ Bob - The Serial Killer ] [ By The GNN ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________
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"BOB - THE SERIAL KILLER"
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by THE GNN/DualCrew-Shining/uXu
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Dedicated to Cult of the Dead Cow.
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He he he...
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Knife? No... too much blood. Piano wire? No, no, not this time. Gun?
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Yes! Gun! Bob carefully opened his jacket and pulled out his lovely
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automatic pistol, which was loaded with drilled nine millimeter bullets.
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He looked at the dark street. A stocky man walked right towards him,
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unaware of Bobs presence in the shadows. There was no lamp-posts on this
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small street which made it to an excellent place for a kill. "Yes, yes,
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yes, yes...", Bob whispered to himself as the man approached him with heavy
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steps. This was going to be fun. The moon was full and Bob wondered what
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the papers would write about him tomorrow. "The serial killer strikes
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again!". "Midnight terror!". "Who is the madman on our streets?". No...
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too ordinary. Maybe something like... uhm.. "He kills for sexual
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pleasure!". Bleurk! How incredible ridiculous! Bob wondered if he would
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ever get caught, but quickly denied it to himself. Caught? He? No way...
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he was too smart for the police men. By the way, why should they hunt him?
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Everybody likes to kill. Ok, not everybody kills lonely humans in the
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middle of the night. But some do, and whatthehell was wrong with that?
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Yeah, even Bob knew it was not a really sane hobby but anyway... it was
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fun. He had to exercise in some way! The stocky man had now passed him
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with two steps and Bob knew it was time to rock and roll. He quickly
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stepped out of the shadows, raised the gun and pointed it at the head of
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the stocky man. The man continued walking, still unaware of the Death
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behind him. Bob walked after him with the gun in his hand, smiling and
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feeling how his dick came to life. After a few steps Bob loudly cleared
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his throat. This was the most fun part. The man would hear something
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behind him, turn around, see Bob, piss in his pants, pray for mercy etc
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etc... and then Bob would pull the trigger and feel the magic feeling of
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creation! Wow!
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Yes! The man turned around! Bob thought that God was really nice to him
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this night since the man was not deaf. Bob steadied the grip of his gun
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and... and... now wait a minute! What the...
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Bob suddenly found himself staring into the barrel of a bigger gun than
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he had. The stocky man had obviously drawn his own gun and now the shitty
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piece of metal was pointed at Bob!
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The stocky man had a red face and a rather short hair cut. Bob did not
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really know what to do. If he pulled the trigger, the stocky man would
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probably do that too. Fortunately, the stocky man probably knew that if he
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pulled the trigger, Bob would do that too.
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This was embarrassing! This had not happened before! Bob decided to try
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out some social engineering.
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- Cough... Good evening, sir! Bob said with a jolly voice. Nice night
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tonight, eh? I see you own a... uhm... (oh shit) forty-four Magnum!
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Nice weapon! I would like to have one myself! They are excellent for
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ki... murd... hunting! I MEAN PERSONAL DEFENCE! Yes! Defence!
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Defence...
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The stocky man looked puzzled.
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- Good evening, the man said. Yes, very nice night tonight! I see you
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are a serial ki... ahem... a man interested in guns yourself! What kind
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of gun is that? Looks like a Berretta to me... is it?
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Bob lowered his gun and showed it to the man who leaned forward and
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examined it.
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- No, said Bob. It is a Taurus actually. Very good quality!
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- Oh! How nice!
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The stocky man showed Bob his Magnum and explained:
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- This one is great! You do not know what this gun can do to a head...
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cough... I mean a moose! Moose...
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Suddenly both of them quickly raised their guns and pointed them at each
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other again.
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- Oh sorry! Bob said. I thought you were on your way to...
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- Uhm... sorry! I also thought that you...
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They stood in the same position for about twenty seconds. Bob felt
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tired. This was not was he had expected.
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- So... what do you work with? Bob asked his new friend.
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The stocky man smiled and said - I am into entertainment business!
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- How fun! Me too! Bob replied. What kind of entertainment?
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- Well, the stocky man said without lowering his gun, I... I usually...
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well... I have this gun and... some nights I walk out and... you know...
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bom bom?
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Bob felt depressed.
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- Me too, he said. Bom bom! Scream, scream... Actually you are on my
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personal hunting fields now...
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The stocky man placed his Magnum in his shoulder holster. Bob did the
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same.
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- Oh sorry! the man said and looked embarrassed. I did not know! What
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do you call yourself?
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- 'Cool Psycho', Bob said and revealed a slight pride. Nine killings!
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- Never heard about.
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- What?!
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- Sorry.
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Bob suddenly wanted to kill this clown, who insulted him with bullshit.
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But he managed to calm down.
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- Never heard of, huh? They write about me all the time! Who are you
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then? 'Son of son of Sam'? Ha ha. Or maybe you are 'Killer Clown II'?
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That would fit you perfectly! Magnum... crap!
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The stocky man shook his head.
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- No, no! I am 'The ghost of Elvis Presley'.
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- WHAT? That was the most fucking stupidest name I have ever heard!
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The stocky man, who claimed to be Elvis, was clearly annoyed with Bob.
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- Oh? Stupid, eh? Then what the fuck is a 'Cool Psycho' then? Some
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rap-artist that has gone insane or what? I am so cool, I am so psycho,
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yeah, yeah, yeah, the Elvis man rapped.
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- Get off my street! Bob screamed.
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The stocky man turned around and started to walk away.
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- With pleasure, you amateur! the man screamed back to Bob.
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Bob could feel the anger boil inside him. Amateur? Him? Bob? Cool
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Psycho? Was nine killings the work of an amateur? Jerk! Fag! Fucking
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lame Magnum-homosexual!
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When the stocky man had disappeared Bob quickly showed the finger before
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he went back to the shadows. He mumbled naughty words and said 'fuck you'
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to God a couple of times before he... wow... heard steps again! Bob
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looked around. Yes! Some teenager was going his way. Bob pulled out his
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Taurus and got ready for killing. This time he was not going to make the
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same mistake. When the kid was two metres in front of him, Bob jumped out
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from the shadows and screamed - Yiiieaah! Get ready to be killed by the
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most motherfucking-ultra-cool-bad-ass motherfucker you have ever seen!
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Cool Psycho! Me! Nine killings! You will be the celebrated tenth
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killing!
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Bob pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. A vision of his bullets,
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placed on his table in the kitchen, but not placed in the magazine of the
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gun swept through his brain.
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- FUCK! FUCKFUCKFUCK! Bob cried. THIS WAS THE FUCKING WORST NIGHT I
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HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED!
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The teenager just looked at Bob.
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- WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?! HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN A WORKING MASS-MURDERER
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BEFORE YOU LITTLE PRICK!?
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- No, I actually have not... the teenager replied with a weak voice.
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- WELL THEN, TAKE A GOOD LOOK!
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Bob fell down on his knees and started to cry.
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- Is that how you work? the teenager asked.
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- SHUT UP!
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The teenager searched for something in his pockets. After a while he
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said "Ah!" and brought up a computer diskette. Bob looked up.
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The teenager showed the diskette to Bob.
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- Cheer up! Look at this! This is a diskette...
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- DO YOU THINK I AM BLIND?!
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- ... and it is loaded with great text files from Underground eXperts
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United! Look, you can take it! You can kill me some other day instead!
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Bob took the diskette. The teenager ran away as fast as he could. Bob
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stood up and examined the diskette, holding it hard with both hands.
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- Underground eXperts United?
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Then he violently threw the diskette in a wall. Plastic and small pieces
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of metal fell to the street. Bob fell to his knees again and screamed in
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agony.
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- I DO NOT WANT THAT SHIT! I WANT CULT OF THE DEAD COW! UAAAAH!
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Here ends the story about Bob, the most bad-ass-motherfucking-cool serial
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killer ever.
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////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
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Seven megacool years of cDc!
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But this board is uXu's: THE STASH +46-13-READINDEX!
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Bing bing bong bong woaaaah!
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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uXu #163 Underground eXperts United 1994 uXu #163
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Call SOLSBURY HILL -> +1-301-428-8317
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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