240 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
240 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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[ Castle Chronicles Chapter Four ] [ By The Chief ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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THE FEIGNED NON-POISONOUS GENTLEMANLIKE HERESY GAME SHOW
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CHAPTER FOUR
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At this time, he noticed the weird alien following him through
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the maze. Trillian told him not to worry. 'It's just one of those
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nice and friendly ones' she said. Zaphod seemed to take the whole
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trip to Bezelbub Interstellar Junction lightly as he continued to
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sleep, snoring heavily. Ford held his towel a bit tighter as he
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slipped down a three-inch Babelfish down his throat for lunch.
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-*-
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What? This ISN'T 'The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy Part IV' ?
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Oh, sorry about that. I'll make it up to you by writing yet
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another inspiring full-framed vicious chapter right here.
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Megan woke up, quite dizzy. She thought it had to do with the
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night before, but it didn't. Spingleman had slipped her one of
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his new inventions; The 'Get Drunk, and Stay Drunk the morning
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after' (GDSD) pill, but she didn't know anything about it. 'Water
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..water' she managed to whisper, and Spingleman made a sign to a
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man standing in the far corner of the room. He went out of the
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room.
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-*-
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WHAT?! What are you complaining about?.. Say that again? It isn't
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'The BIG System 3' either? Then WHAT IS IT?! 'Castle Chronicles'?
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Right! I'm a bit out of touch today y'see.. Hit it!
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"Ouch!"
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Castle woke up. Instantly feeling he didn't like it. A big table
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covered his body and when he lifted the sink that had smashed his
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head into pieces he noticed the small dog chewing on his left
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shoe (which was, amazingly enough, still there). 'Boy, are they
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serious with this gang war stuff or what?' he thought as he tried
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to move his thumb. It hurt.
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The Mercedes just stood there. Burning. A couple of police-cars
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drove by in a frenzy and the air was filled with.. with.. Hmm,
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Castle couldn't make out what it was. He had smelled it before,
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but couldn't quite place it. Was it the Semi-Half Naked Woman? No,
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she had that excellent 'take me' scent. It couldn't be Steinberg
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or Brown because they weren't there. Weren't there?
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"Hey! Hello! Miss?" Castle tried to reach the Semi-Half Naked
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Woman, but failed instantly trying to move his little finger.
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"Well, if it isn't Mr Rock-N-Roll De-Tec-Tive." Someone said to
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the left.
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"No, it isn't stupid" Another voice said to the right. "It's just
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that dumb Steve Castle. Mr No-Bra-In De-Tec-Tive. Heheheheheh.."
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That was enough! Castle could take much, but abuse? NO WAY!
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With a crumble he was on his feet. Facing two amazingly large..
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gentlemen on motorcycles. He KNEW he wasn't in a position to
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complain or make them take back what they'd said when one of them
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reached inside his overcoat and pulled out..
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"Wanna take part in a most excellent game show, dude?" One of them
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said offering Castle the envelope he had pulled out of his pocket.
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"It isn't STUDS or anything, but it sure is fun."
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Castle hesitated. Then he reached for the envelope and opened it.
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'SHNW & D Gameshows Inc. invites you to join a most excellent
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show where you'll be able to win PRICES! Yes, we offer you a
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Complete TV-Set, bedroom furniture, aaand a trip to wonderful
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Siberia, tell him more about it Jim! Ok, Mike. We'll fly you to
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to the most luxurious place on earth with BLAH Air. You'll spend
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a weekend ...'
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He skipped that section and found a small note at the end of the
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paper that said: 'Rules: Participants must be detectives or Semi-
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Half Naked Women'. Hmm.. how strange, he thought, but that didn't
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matter. He'd never participated in a game show, and this was his
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chance to get some of those nifty bathroom carpets.
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"Okay I'll do it." he said, and the two large men looked at each-
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other and smiled.
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"But I have to bring my..friend here.." he continued bending over
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to reach the Semi-Half Naked Woman.
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"Sure, that's exactly what we want you to, too." the gentleman to
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the right said. "Just hop up here, and we'll take both of you
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to the studio right away."
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As they drove away, someone lurking beneath the street whispered..
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"Hello Hellooo.. he's going to pay! With his balls!" He Turned
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and headed straight for the tunnel that lead to the SHNW & D
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Studios up Johnson Avenue. "He will pay dearly.."
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-*-
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Mike Whitesmile, the game show host found himself doing what he
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enjoyed most. Hosting a game show.
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"Rrrright, ladies and gentlemen. We're back, and what's that? Yes,
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we have two new contestants for you. One found beneath a large
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table on Johnson Avenue and the other just next to him. Please
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let's go and meet these two, come on.." <clap clap clap..>
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"You're the detective, right?" Mike said to the Semi-Half Naked
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Woman. "Hahah, sorry that was a joke."
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<pre-recorded public: aaaah>
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"No, seriously, let me guess here.. you must be the Semi-Half
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Naked (and veeerrry sexy too) Woman if I'm not completely from
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another planet!
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<public: ha ha ha, clap clap, whistle whistle whistle>
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Ok Ok... fankyou fankyou, that's enough jokes for now! Then this
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one here.." he said pointing at Castle, "must be the De-Tec-Tive.
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Would you like to say something about yourselves? Castle?"
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"No FANKS", Castle answered him with a smirk on his face.
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"Well, if it isn't a humorous de-tec-tive.." Mike said to the non-
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existent studio public. <public: hah hah hah, clap clap>. "How
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about you then?", he asked the Semi-Half Naked Woman.
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"Like Ok. When I was about three years old, right, my mom took
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me to this place, y'know, called, ok, like, the Supermarket, and
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like, wow, they had so many, like different chewing-gums, y'know,
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and right by the chewing-gum shelf, thirteen years later, I met,
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like, a big hunk who grabbed my, as you can see, big breasts and
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just took me from behind before we, y'see, went to this shoe
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store, and.."
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"Heheh.. well, I hear YOU have a lot to talk about," Mike said
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to the public. <public: ha hah haaaa> "But let's go on with the
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show! Right after these messages.. Staaaay Rrrright There!"
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<Now, Your clothes can be THIS clean too...>
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<New NKOTB Watch, Cup, T-Shirt, Bathroom-spray, Instant coffee,
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sweat-spray, pen-holder, non-slippable-banana-peel, genuine
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metal copies of their teeth. All-In-One available now...> etc.
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Castle looked at the Semi-Half Naked Woman.
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Mike looked at himself in the mirror.
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"Did you say 'Shoe Store'??" Castle asked her.
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"Why, sure. Like, I think so anyway.."
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"DO YOU HAVE THE SLIGHTEST...."
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"AAaaand, We're Back!" <public: clap clap clap, whistle>. "I'm
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Mike (like you didn't know that! Hah hah)" <public: Who's Mike?>
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"and, we're here with our two new contestants. They are going to
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meet our last week's champions... Frank Fontana and Isabella
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Rosselini!"
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<public: clap clap clap clap cla..>
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"Fooled ya! hah hah hah" <public: aaahh> "No, seriously folks, we
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have here, the piece of meat, the king stud of studs, the word-
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mongler of crosswords, the king-o of lingo, the crackpot of
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jackpot.. and the hunk that made it with this Semi-Half Naked
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Woman at the Chewing-gum shelf seven years ago..."
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<drumroll>
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"Yes, None other than The.... Mysterious man who disappeared in
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the SHOE STORE!!"
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______________________________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________________________
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Watch out for the next chapter of the Castle Chronicles!
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It gets closer to the amazing end!
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ONLY from The Underground eXperts United!
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(!) 1992 THE CHIEF & uXu Productions
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______________________________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________________________
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